{"id":7850,"date":"2013-02-19T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-02-19T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/after-three-years-of-living-together-she-wanted-more\/"},"modified":"2013-02-19T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-02-19T00:00:00","slug":"after-three-years-of-living-together-she-wanted-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/getting-married\/choosing-a-spouse\/after-three-years-of-living-together-she-wanted-more\/","title":{"rendered":"After Three Years of Living Together, She Wanted More"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Lance Miller and his girlfriend, Jess, were like a lot of couples these days: passionate, trying to make ends meet … and living together out of wedlock. Lance thought that was the normal course of a relationship: \u201cYou get a girlfriend. You live together. That\u2019s as good as life gets.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"Only one person, Lance\u2019s pastor at Christ the King Lutheran Church in Largo, Florida, said it was wrong for them to live together. \u201cNobody else said anything,\u201d Lance says. \u201cThey just acted like this is just how things go.\u201d<\/p>\n

About three years after Jess moved in with Lance, the pastor said he wanted to groom Lance for ministry, but couldn’t because of his relationship with Jess. Then, about two weeks later, Lance happened to hear a radio ad for a Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/a> marriage getaway.<\/p>\n

He recalls FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> co-host Bob Lepine saying, \u201cIf you are even thinking about marriage, then you need to be here at this conference.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lance asked Jess how she felt about their future together. She said that she had moved in with him because she thought they would get married one day. He was dumbfounded. \u201cShe actually wanted something more.\u201d She wanted a commitment, but that word had never crossed his mind.<\/p>\n

Now Lance had a lot of questions about marriage.<\/p>\n

So unbeknownst to Jess, he made reservations for a Weekend to Remember. He wanted to learn a real plan for how to be married. \u201cI didn\u2019t know anyone who was doing this [marriage] quite well,\u201d he says, \u201cand I wanted to go see how to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

At the getaway<\/h2>\n

When Lance and Jess arrived at the Weekend to Remember, they sat in the back of the hotel ballroom with their heads down. As the speakers got everyone laughing, they started to relax. By the time the session ended, they were glad that they had decided to attend.<\/p>\n

The next morning, speakers Tim and Joy Downs met with premarried couples. They talked candidly about struggles the couples might be having, even before marriage. \u201cAnd that was eye-opening for me,\u201d Lance says. He recognized that their communication problems would only get worse if they didn\u2019t start to solve them.<\/p>\n

As the Downs spoke, Jess learned why God created marriage. \u201cWe hadn’t ever heard that God has a plan for marriage,\u201d she says. \u201cWe had only heard the world’s view.\u201d<\/p>\n

Later that day, Jess noticed that the premarried couples would be meeting for a session on sex, \u201cTwo Become One.\u201d Jess did not want to attend.<\/p>\n

Lance cornered speaker Tim Downs. \u201cHere’s the deal,\u201d he said. \u201cWe’re living together, and we’ve been having sex, and we’re really not sure about doing this whole marriage thing. Do you think we should go to this session?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think it’s just right for you,\u201d Tim said. \u201cI think that’s where you need to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s all Lance needed to hear.<\/p>\n

The premarried men and women were separated for the session. The speaker for the men encouraged each man to honor and respect his girlfriend. He said that they were not yet \u201cone flesh\u201d and should abstain from sex.<\/p>\n

Lance realized that he and Jess were not living in obedience to God, and they needed to change. He pulled out the \u201cpurity pledge\u201d in his premarried workbook and signed it to commit himself to abstaining from sex until they were married. That night Lance did not get into bed with Jess. Instead, he told her of his new vow to purity.<\/p>\n

The wait finally ends<\/h2>\n

Lance says the weeks following the Weekend to Remember were a sobering time for him. Determined to keep his commitment to purity, he met with his pastor. He told him that he was ready to enter into a God-honoring relationship with Jess. The pastor affirmed his decision and suggested that Lance ask her father for his blessing. So when Jess and Lance traveled to Seattle to see her parents, he did just that.<\/p>\n

\"\"Finally, about three months later, Lance proposed on Jess’s birthday. He gave her a special acrostic puzzle and the answer spelled \u201cWill you marry me?\u201d All of the clues came from the Weekend to Remember manual. When Jess read the puzzle answer, her tears said it all. \u201cI had been waiting a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Six months later, Lance and Jess were pronounced man and wife.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t take it back<\/h2>\n

Shortly after they married, Jess was having what she calls \u201ca moment.\u201d She was sitting by Lance on the couch when she told him that she was sorry she had not kept her purity for her wedding day. \u201cThis was really bugging me,\u201d she says, \u201cand I could not shake it that I could not take this back.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wanting others to learn from her mistake, she recently told a friend who was considering moving in with her boyfriend about her own wedding day regrets. \u201cI understand it can feel okay,\u201d Jess said, but \u201cwhether it’s this person or not, when you have to look at someone and say \u2018I didn’t wait for you as I knew I should have\u2019 \u2026 that’s a pretty hurtful moment to have to go through.\u201d<\/p>\n

Today, Lance calls the Weekend to Remember his life-changing event. Their relationship is now built on lifelong commitment rather than feelings. And they are doing all that they can to help others learn about God\u2019s plan for marriage. They\u2019ve hosted The Art of Marriage\u00ae video conference in their church, and also attended more Weekend to Remember getaways.<\/p>\n

Jess says that they plan to attend a marriage getaway every year. \u201cWe can go for one weekend, shut out the world, and focus on what God says about our marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2013 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How Lance and Jess Miller learned about God’s plan for 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