{"id":286660,"date":"2024-06-21T08:37:26","date_gmt":"2024-06-21T13:37:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=286660"},"modified":"2024-10-25T16:28:54","modified_gmt":"2024-10-25T20:28:54","slug":"well-matched-6-steps-to-find-a-mentor-couple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/getting-married\/well-matched-6-steps-to-find-a-mentor-couple\/","title":{"rendered":"Well-Matched: 6 Steps To Find a Mentor Couple"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In attempting to find a mentor couple, maybe you can picture two extremes for your pre-marriage mentoring. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scene 1: <\/strong>The four of you perch stiffly on a hard sofa across from a couple who loves to preach in the form of conversation. You and your fiance return to the car just glad to have checked something else off the pre-wedding list. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scene 2: <\/strong>Your hands curl around steaming mugs, your animated conversation punctuated by laughter. Years down the road, you phone your mentors after your first big newlywed argument, and again when your baby is teething. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve all had relationships where we had high hopes to learn from someone (and sure, weddings and marriage brim with more expectations than usual). Sometimes, the relationship fizzles for lack of interest on one side or both. But sometimes you receive far more than you personally invest. Truth is, you may not find your dream mentor couple, though you\u2019ll reap benefits even from far less than \u201cthe best.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to find a mentor couple: 6 steps <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve got a few tips to increase your odds of a couple who connects and, even more, who prepares you for a robust, intimate marriage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Huddle up.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s worth a preliminary convo with your fiance to evaluate what you\u2019re both hoping to get out of a mentorship (presuming your fiance\u2019s on board. If not, are there compromises to help your fiance feel more comfortable? Worst case scenario, you can meet one-on-one with your own premarital mentor.). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it\u2019s time to say \u201cI do\u201d in a few months, what would you hope to have gained from your mentorship? Maybe you\u2019ve witnessed a few kinks in your relationship (\u201cI hate who we become when we fight!\u201d), gathered a few pressing questions (\u201cWhat if one of us doesn\u2019t want kids, and the other does?\u201d \u201cShould we be sharing bank accounts?\u201d), or just crave some overall pointers. Maybe one of you hasn\u2019t seen a lot of great marriages up close, or you want to make sure the patterns of a previous relationship aren\u2019t on replay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe just talking about what you\u2019d like and who you\u2019d consider to be examples will clarify your own relationship\u2019s values and goals. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. What we practice, we become.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

My husband and I have spent a number of years on overseas missions. We\u2019ve found that when a family first arrives overseas, those showing them the ropes unintentionally set the mental standard for what that family\u2019s lifestyle will look like. Will I have a washer or hire someone to help wash our clothes by hand? Will I attend a local church or an international one? Will I dig deep into relationships with expats or prioritize relationships with locals?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mentoring is a bit like this. Call me Captain Obvious, but depending on the intensity of your mentoring relationship, the couple who mentors you quietly influences the norms of your new marriage (though perhaps not as much as your families of origin).   <\/p>\n\n\n\n