{"id":22797,"date":"2018-09-27T18:27:12","date_gmt":"2018-09-27T23:27:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=22797"},"modified":"2018-09-27T18:27:12","modified_gmt":"2018-09-27T23:27:12","slug":"an-open-letter-to-whyididntreport","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/cultural-issues\/an-open-letter-to-whyididntreport\/","title":{"rendered":"An Open Letter to #Whyididntreport"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

I saw a hashtag on Twitter this week about why people who have been sexually abused might choose not to report it. What I read burdened me, and so I wrote this note. Tragically, there are too many who will read this and be able to relate to it.<\/p>\n

Dear #WhyIDidntReport,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have to admit: This has hit me like a hard slap in the face.<\/p>\n

I read the tweet from Beth Moore, the one that included #whyIDidntReport. It was a simple tweet. One sentence, actually: \u201cBecause he lived in my house.\u201d<\/p>\n

And when I read it, the hard slap was quickly followed by profound sadness.<\/p>\n

You and I both know what prompted the new hashtag. It was the charges against a nominee for the Supreme Court. Charges that when he was 17 years old he sexually assaulted a 15-year-old at a party. But politics aside, the tens of thousands of victims of sexual assault, just like you, who used the hashtag this week shared candidly why they never spoke up about their abuse. And each tweet was heart wrenching.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought\u2026 that it was my fault. I was embarrassed and ashamed of being stupid enough to trust him.\u201d #whyIdidntreport<\/p>\n

\u201cI was molested at 8 by a school janitor, frightened to silence, gang raped at 18 by 2 boys at a party, I\u2026 blamed myself, I felt shame. My parents never knew. I told my daughters 5 years ago, when I was 60. It took courage to tell even then.\u201d #whyIdidntreport<\/p>\n

\u201cThey would tell me it was my fault.<\/p>\n

I was ashamed and embarrassed.<\/p>\n

I should have known better.<\/p>\n

I am too smart to end up in that situation. They wouldn’t believe me.<\/p>\n

It would make me look bad.\u201d #whyIdidntreport<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been over 30 yrs. Still not ready to talk about it.\u201d #whyIdidntreport<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The stream of tweets kept coming. And I kept thinking about how each of them was written by a person just like you, someone created in the image of God who had experienced a horrible wrong done against them.<\/p>\n

Soul Abuse<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve often heard Dennis Rainey say that sexual abuse is one of the hardest stones the devil can throw at a human being. He\u2019s right. Because our sexuality is sacred and defining.<\/p>\n

When you experienced your sexual abuse, it left a scar on your soul. It had to.<\/p>\n

I know you\u2019ve grown up in a culture that has tried for years to make sex common. To cheapen and devalue it. You\u2019ve been told that casual sex is a pleasure to enjoy with no lasting consequences. And you may have even had people suggest to you that sexual assault is something you should just shake off.<\/p>\n

But with your hashtag, you and thousands of women are bearing witness to the reality that by God\u2019s design, your sexuality is in fact a holy and profound part of who you are. Who each one of us is.<\/p>\n

I talked over the weekend with a friend who experienced sexual abuse twice, once as a child and again as a teenager. The first time it happened, her abuser was a neighbor. The second time, it was a family friend. For decades, my friend never talked to anyone about the abuse, except for her husband. I asked her why she had kept silent for so long.<\/p>\n

\u201cI never even thought about telling anyone,\u201d she told me.<\/p>\n

“Not even your mother?”<\/p>\n

\u201cWe really didn\u2019t have that kind of a relationship,\u201d she said. \u201cWe didn\u2019t talk about those kinds of things.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hope your hashtag is reminding moms and dads how important it is for them to have \u201cthat kind of relationship\u201d with their daughters and their sons. To open the doors of communication wide, so that conversations about sex and abuse can happen. I hope parents will start early teaching their children about God\u2019s wonderful gift of sex and His design for it to one day bless their marital union.<\/p>\n

I thought back this weekend on a conversation I had long ago with author Dr. Dan Allender. I asked him what percentage of adults in our culture have experienced childhood sexual abuse. As you know, because abuse often goes unreported, the statistics are hard to document. But he told me that depending on how you define it, the number who have experienced abuse is somewhere between 30 percent and 70 percent.<\/p>\n

You are one of those abuse victims. And I am saddened by that.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll think about this the next time I\u2019m in church. The conservative estimate is that roughly one in three women sitting around me has a scar on her soul just like yours. And it\u2019s quite possible that she, like you, has never felt safe enough to share her story with anyone. I hope this cultural moment will give her courage to open up about her pain.<\/p>\n

Where was God?<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m sure your experience of abuse has left you wondering about the reality of God\u2019s providential care for His children. It\u2019s natural to have questions or doubts about God\u2019s goodness when we face the age-old question about how a good and loving God\u2014who we are told is our Shield, our Fortress, and our Defender\u2014would allow any of His children to experience this kind of violation. Abuse like you\u2019ve experienced can easily cause someone to question God\u2019s very existence.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one thing to wrestle with these kinds of questions as a theological construct. It\u2019s another thing altogether to find yourself wondering where the God who declares that His steadfast love endures forever was when you were being assaulted.<\/p>\n

I will not try to placate you with bumper-sticker answers. When Job pressed God for answers in the face of his own grief, God did not explain Himself. After Job had vented and cried out, God took a deep breath and answered him out of the whirlwind, not with an answer, but with a question of His own: \u201cWho is this that darkens my counsel by words without knowledge?\u201d<\/p>\n

At the core, the issue you have to come to grips with is whether the profound abuse you experienced is so powerful that it overrules anything else you have ever read or experienced or believed is true about God. Is your pain so great that it invalidates all the rest of what you have ever known or believed?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think it\u2019s by accident that God has arranged our Bibles so that the book of Psalms follows the book of Job. Job never got answers to the questions he had for God about despair and grief.<\/p>\n

But God has given you and me language to use for expressing our pain and fears and doubts as an act of reverence and worship for Him. He invites us to cry out to Him with our pain.<\/p>\n

The sorrow can last for a long night, but God\u2019s promise is that a day of joy is ahead. As you bring your grief to God, the afflictions you have experienced will produce in you an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.<\/p>\n

My hope is that you will not allow the pain you\u2019ve endured for years to turn into bitterness or despair or hopelessness. The same evil that was behind the abuse you experienced is now at work to pick at your scars and infect them with anger and rage that could ultimately destroy you. Resist him. Shield yourself with faith.<\/p>\n

I am deeply sorry for the pain you have carried in your soul for so many years. We live in a sin-sick world where people have increasingly turned away from their Creator and chosen to go their own way. The bitter fruit that has set your teeth on edge came from seeds that were planted long ago.<\/p>\n

Jesus is deeply sorry for your pain as well. It\u2019s true He could have stopped it, and He didn\u2019t. I can\u2019t tell you why He didn\u2019t. No one can.<\/p>\n

But I can tell you that He gave His life to fix it. He died so that all the wrongs of this life will be made right. He died so your tears will one day be dried and your darkness will end forever.<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2018 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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