{"id":22600,"date":"2018-09-18T16:48:53","date_gmt":"2018-09-18T21:48:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=22600"},"modified":"2018-09-18T16:48:53","modified_gmt":"2018-09-18T21:48:53","slug":"smartphones-for-smartfamilies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/ages-and-stages\/teens\/smartphones-for-smartfamilies\/","title":{"rendered":"Smartphones for Smartfamilies"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When I was in high school, I was eager to turn 16 so I could drive. To my advantage, my parents were equally eager to stop being my personal Uber. So as a family we began the process of getting my driver’s license.<\/p>\n

Getting a license can be a pretty intimidating process. You need to take a course, then pass a test (which most people fail the first time), then you apply to receive your permit. In some states, you need to have your permit for a year before you can get your license. And while you have your permit, you take lessons from a professional driving instructor and log hours while driving supervised, both during the day and at night. Finally, you take a driving test with your state’s Department of Motor Vehicles.<\/p>\n

Oh, and while doing this you are purchasing a vehicle, applying for insurance, learning how to drive a stick-shift, figuring out how to change a flat with the hidden spare, etc.<\/p>\n

At Axis<\/a>, an organization which helps parents guide their children as they face life’s questions and challenges, we think a similar mindset needs to be taken with smartphones. In the same way that you don’t hand your kids the keys to a car without any training and simply say “Good luck,” you shouldn’t hand them a smartphone and say, “What could go wrong?”<\/p>\n

Their lives, your life, and others’ lives hang in the balance physically, legally, and spiritually. In short, we advise against giving your children a phone if you are not ready to have a conversation with them about it multiple times a week for multiple years.<\/p>\n

Your family is on a journey together of enjoying, leveraging, and self-regulating your phones. And there is a destination! It is when your son or daughter has demonstrated integrity and has learned how to self-regulate his or her phone (that is, your kids no longer have limits imposed by you; they impose their own limits). Usually this happens in their junior or senior year of high school.<\/p>\n

Every journey has milestones. Here are some of the key milestones on the “Smartphone Ed” journey:<\/p>\n

1. Goal: Heart and destination<\/strong>
\nAlways start with your child’s heart in mind and with the end of the journey in sight. Your goal is to mentor your child so that his or her heart loves righteousness. This goes so much deeper than behavior management. You want them to be able to use a phone with wisdom, joy, and without<\/em> your oversight. You want them to be independent and able to self-regulate.<\/p>\n

2. Ownership: Stewardship and leasing<\/strong>
\nIf God owns everything, He owns all phones. As a parent, you are responsible to God as the ultimate steward of your child’s phone.<\/p>\n

A great way to help steward your children’s hearts and phones is by making a family contract that they sign in order to “lease” their phones from you. There are lot of great contracts online that you can use for inspiration. (Also, consider having your child contribute financially to the costs involved with the phone.)<\/p>\n

3. Privacy: A privilege<\/strong>
\nMake this your mantra: We are better in community than in isolation. Therefore, as parents we recommend that you have access to the phone at any time and have access to all login information and settings.<\/p>\n

This sounds harsh, but your child does not have a right<\/em> to “phone privacy.” Explain that privacy is earned<\/em> through demonstrating integrity and that even adults often relinquish this right to others in order to steer clear of temptation or misuse of their phones. Remember: We are better in community than in isolation, so make sure you are modeling this to your kids!<\/p>\n

If worse comes to worst and you must take your child’s phone away, always remember that to the next generation, a phone is an extension of their identity. Taking it away is taking away part of who they are and their access to community. Never take it away lightly, and when you do, clearly explain what needs to happen for you to give it back.<\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” top_padding=”30″ text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” centered_text=”true” background_color_opacity=”1″ width=”1\/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ width=”1\/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]4. Capacity: Incremental responsibility<\/strong>
\nPhones are amazing and can accomplish thousands of functions. Upon first leasing your child a phone, we recommend you severely limit the phone’s functionality. Be warned, this may be a point of contention, but it’s a great opportunity to refer to the contract you had them sign. Remind them that as they learn to wisely use their phones, over time they will have fewer and fewer restrictions.<\/p>\n

Okay, here we go. When they first get a phone \u2026<\/p>\n