{"id":20984,"date":"2015-03-30T12:40:33","date_gmt":"2015-03-30T17:40:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=20984"},"modified":"2024-11-01T11:32:38","modified_gmt":"2024-11-01T15:32:38","slug":"two-traps-to-avoid-if-only-and-what-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/faith\/essentials-faith\/growing-in-your-faith\/two-traps-to-avoid-if-only-and-what-if\/","title":{"rendered":"Two Traps to Avoid: \u201cIf Only\u201d and \u201cWhat If?\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div><p style=\"padding-top: 30px\">In each season of my life, I&#8217;ve found myself falling into two mental traps which are not helpful. One is the &#8220;If only&#8221; syndrome, and the other is the &#8220;What if?&#8221; syndrome.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s how &#8220;If only&#8221; might express itself:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"margin: 0 0 15px 1.5em\">\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I had a husband.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I had more money.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only my husband would act like\u2026&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only my husband (or I) had a good job.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only we had a different house.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only my parents (or his) understood.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only my child would sleep through the night.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I had a really close friend.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I didn&#8217;t come from such a wounded past.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I wasn&#8217;t stuck in this place.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I was free of this disease.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I knew how to handle my teen.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I didn&#8217;t have to do this.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;If only I didn&#8217;t struggle with this.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Can you identify? You can probably add to this list yourself. Over the years I&#8217;ve realized that these thoughts merely lead me into a real case of self-pity. At the core of what I&#8217;m expressing is: &#8220;Life is about me and my happiness.&#8221; I have a bucket that needs to be filled.<\/p>\n<p>But the reality is that even if the desire for one &#8220;If only&#8221; is met, I&#8217;ll just have another one to add to the list. Too often I get myself into this mindset without even realizing it. And it sinks me into a bad mood or a feeling of being depressed. The focus is on me, and I need to confess this selfishness and ask God to forgive me and to enable me to focus on Him and on others. And I need to ask Him to give me a grateful heart.<\/p>\n<div class=\"fl-article-cta\"><div class=\"fl-article-cta-wrapper\"><a class='fl-article-cta-button' style='margin-top: 15px; visibility: visible; background-color: #f3bd48 !important;' target='_blank' href='https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/subscriptions\/' data-color-override='false' data-hover-color-override='false' data-hover-text-color-override='#fff'><span>Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<i class='fa fas fa-envelope'><\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n<p>The other trap is &#8220;What if?&#8221;:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"margin: 0 0 15px 1.5em\">\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if I can&#8217;t get pregnant?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if my husband leaves me?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if I don&#8217;t get this raise?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if I can&#8217;t complete this project?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if we lose the election?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if the medical tests bring bad news?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if my child doesn&#8217;t make the team?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">&#8220;What if I fail?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This mindset leads to fear. I am afraid of what will happen if the &#8220;What if&#8221; comes true. And this can be a paralyzing fear.<\/p>\n<p>The &#8220;What if&#8221; syndrome is especially hard for those of us with an overactive imagination\u2014we are often visionaries; we are creative. We tend to have this weakness, however: We can create the worst-case scenario in our imagination in three seconds flat! It can be terrifying.<\/p>\n<p>What&#8217;s at the core of this attitude? I fail to believe that God is in control. My &#8220;What if&#8221; has become bigger than my God. I have temporarily forgotten that He is loving, He is kind, He is present, He is good, and He will never, ever forsake me.<\/p>\n<p>I can give Him my &#8220;What if&#8221;\u2014He can handle it. He will sustain me.<\/p>\n<p>Underlying the &#8220;If only&#8221; and &#8220;What if&#8221; syndromes is an expectation that our lives should be completely satisfying. We may recognize that&#8217;s not realistic, but too often we live with that expectation in our thought life without even realizing it.<\/p>\n<p>We need to remember that, in this life, our bucket will always have holes. Life will not be perfect until we get to heaven. Eternal life in heaven will be a perfect bucket with no holes completely filled with the love of Christ and satisfaction\u2014no wants or fears, just sweet fellowship with Jesus and those who have gone before us.<\/p>\n<p>Today, what is your &#8220;If only\u2026&#8221;? What is your &#8220;What if&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>Recognize the subtle danger of these thoughts, which produce self-pity and fear. Make a conscious decision to dump them someplace (down the garbage disposal, in the trash, or fireplace).<\/p>\n<p>Begin to say His traits out loud: &#8220;You are my Father, You go before me. You prepare a way for me. You protect me. You bless me. You understand me. You forgive me. You know me better than I know myself and you love me totally, completely, perfectly. No matter what happens You are still in charge. You will never forsake me.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>This puts your focus on God, where it belongs.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em>Copyright \u00a9 2015 by Susan Yates. Used with permission. This article originally appeared on MomLife Today<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When these issues dominate my thoughts, I succumb to selfishness and fear.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":85583,"featured_media":20985,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"When these issues dominate my thoughts, I succumb to selfishness and fear.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3057],"class_list":["post-20984","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","cwp_profile-susan-yates"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/08\/two-traps-to-avoid-If-only-and-what-if_1024x326.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/08\/two-traps-to-avoid-If-only-and-what-if_1024x326.jpg",1024,321,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Jonathan Ober","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/jonathan-oberfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When these issues dominate my thoughts, I succumb to selfishness and fear.","meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"0","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"0","content_type":"video","disclaimer_banner":"unset","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20984","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/85583"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20984"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20984\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20985"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20984"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20984"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20984"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=20984"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=20984"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}