{"id":20919,"date":"2016-06-21T13:53:55","date_gmt":"2016-06-21T18:53:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=20919"},"modified":"2016-06-21T13:53:55","modified_gmt":"2016-06-21T18:53:55","slug":"taming-our-tongues-and-training-our-brains","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/faith\/essentials-faith\/growing-in-your-faith\/taming-our-tongues-and-training-our-brains\/","title":{"rendered":"Taming Our Tongues and Training Our Brains"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My husband and I sat with our two guests in the tiny living room of our very first home. I was holding our infant son. He was our second-born child, and I was a proud stay-at-home mother (emphasis on proud<\/em>). My husband worked for a local reconditioned appliance and furniture store, and we lived on a budget so tight it nearly squeaked. In order to make ends meet, I nursed my babies instead of buying formula, made my own baby food in a blender, and used cloth diapers rather than disposable. I cooked from scratch and even made my own baby wipes. I was determined to make any sacrifice that would enable me to stay at home with our children full-time.<\/p>\n

As I sat on the couch next to my husband, I listened to an energetic young couple who were new to our circle of friends. Both worked full-time outside the home and they had one darling infant, their firstborn child. In addition to their jobs, they had started a side business, one of those multilevel marketing plans. We thought they were just coming over for coffee and dessert, but it soon became apparent they were trying to rope us into this business venture.<\/p>\n

I began to feel bitter and judgmental. Their sales pitch was annoying and presumptuous. Besides, her clothes were from a high-end store while I frequented resale shops or occasionally the sale rack at the department store. Of course, their two cars were also much nicer than the old Volkswagen Rabbit my husband and I shared.<\/p>\n

I’ll admit it. I was jealous. And I was rather self-righteous about my lifestyle choice when it came to being a stay-at-home mother. And so, when the conversation got around to women working outside the home, I chimed in. “Oh, I am so grateful I get to be home with Mackenzie and Mitchell. I’d rather live on bread and water than have someone else raising my kids.”<\/p>\n

Yes, I said that!<\/p>\n

As I spoke, I saw the woman’s countenance fall. She felt just horrible, I’m sure. However, I justified my words thinking she needed to be convicted about her job choice\u2014and it was my job to convict her. I am so ashamed now when I think back on that interaction. (I’m not so dogmatic about the whole stay-at-home mom versus working mother issue today. But back then? I thought staying home was not only the best, but also the only way!)<\/p>\n

If you want to be purely technical about it, the words I said were in fact true. I was<\/em> grateful to be a stay-at-home mom. But I said it in order to elevate myself. To make her look bad\u2014and feel bad.<\/p>\n

When it comes to our words, motives and manners matter. So how do we train our brains and tame our tongues so that we stop hurting others with our words? How do we make sure that our motives and manners match up with God’s Word?<\/p>\n

1. Watch for blind spots.<\/strong> If I rely only on my rearview mirror and don’t turn my head to double check my car’s blind spot, I may cause a crash, injuring others and perhaps also myself. The same is true for my words. Consider this wise but painful insight: “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 16:2).<\/p>\n

Ouch.<\/em> Here’s raw biblical truth that affirms we can be flat-out self-deceived about the purity of our own motives. We justify and explain. We offer excuses. We make an airtight case for why what we said was said in love. But the one thing we can’t do? We can’t fool God. He knows our true colors.<\/p>\n

Here are a few questions to consider as you examine your motives before you speak.<\/p>\n