{"id":20428,"date":"2018-08-03T15:57:43","date_gmt":"2018-08-03T20:57:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=20428"},"modified":"2018-08-03T15:57:43","modified_gmt":"2018-08-03T20:57:43","slug":"your-child-is-not-your-enemy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/parenting-challenges\/discipline\/your-child-is-not-your-enemy\/","title":{"rendered":"Your Child Is Not Your Enemy"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

When the days of mothering grow long and make a girl weary, and when what you really want to do is lock your child in a bedroom and throw away the key, it\u2019s good to remember this: Your child is not your enemy.<\/p>\n

Our goal for our children isn\u2019t to create super kids, nor is it to strip them of all the quirks and traits that make up their personalities. Our fight is to help them grow toward Christlikeness, into the best version of them that they can be.<\/p>\n

With that in mind, here are eight ways we can fight for, not against, our children in their hard-to-handle moments.<\/p>\n

1.Tell God He can have you.<\/strong><\/em> I made this number one because it\u2019s the most important. None of the other steps matter much at all unless you\u2019re willing to let God change you first.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned firsthand the importance of allowing God to strip me of old, sinful habits that hinder my ability to fight for my children. In other words, most of the time the battle for my boys involves battling with myself. I\u2019m the parent, and I can\u2019t win if I allow myself to be dragged down to their level. My goal is to rise above and invite them to come with me.<\/p>\n

2. Get in the habit of prayer.<\/strong><\/em> Every one of us wants to know what God wants us to do so we can just do it and be done. I sometimes feel frustrated because it doesn\u2019t seem like God gives me clear direction when my heart is ready to do whatever He tells me to do. But I\u2019ve come to this conclusion: Most of the time I\u2019m too busy talking to actually hear when He is speaking to me.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why taking a break to pray before I speak, before I react, and before anyone else gets up in the morning, and praying throughout the entire day is so important. God wants to give us direction and comfort, but we\u2019re often too busy juggling life on our own to ask.<\/p>\n

3. Embrace the power of a mommy timeout. <\/strong><\/em>It doesn\u2019t necessarily take long to recharge if you know what works for you. What gives you a healthy sense of relief almost instantaneously? Is it music? A good book? Reading your favorite Bible passage? Getting on your knees in prayer? Whatever it is\u2014and it may vary from day to day\u2014do that.<\/p>\n

You cannot parent your children well when your heart is frazzled. Even if you have to take five-minute mommy breaks multiple times a day, do something to focus your attention on Jesus. Remember that peace has nothing to do with what\u2019s happening around you. Peace comes only from relationship with Jesus Christ. You can\u2019t manufacture it with things or even changes in circumstances. It comes from within as you surrender your life to Christ.<\/p>\n

4. Prepare ahead of time. <\/strong><\/em>Just as I have my own triggers, certain things tend to agitate my sons. After studying them for years now, I\u2019m beginning to recognize these triggers and to be physically, mentally, and spiritually prepared for the inevitable.<\/p>\n

When it\u2019s time to leave the pool, I get their attention about 20 minutes beforehand and let them know we\u2019re leaving in 20 minutes. Then I give them updates every few minutes so that when it\u2019s actually time to leave they\u2019re not taken by surprise.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think I can overemphasize prayer\u2019s importance as an in-the-moment tactic as well as part of the advance preparation. I pray a lot. For my response as well as for my sons\u2019.<\/p>\n

5. Be stronger. <\/strong><\/em>When they were very young, I would often pick up my boys and carry them, despite their flailing and kicking, to a safe space for them to calm down. Now I can ask them to go somewhere safe, and they will, albeit not always without emotional drama. We\u2019re fast approaching the day when they\u2019ll be much stronger than I am, so what I\u2019m talking about here isn\u2019t physical strength so much as emotional and spiritual strength.<\/p>\n

You may have heard it said that a leader can take his followers only as far as he has traveled. As a parent, you are, by default, a leader. God gave you to your children to teach them, train them, and make it as easy as possible for them to know Him. To lead them well, you don\u2019t have to know the answers to every theological question or have your whole life together; you just have to be a few paces ahead of where they are.<\/p>\n

6. Love harder. <\/strong><\/em>There are a lot of amazing things about my boys, things I know God will use one day for His glory and purpose in their lives. But for right now, they\u2019re raw and unrefined and often drive me crazy.<\/p>\n

One day, they\u2019ll fight for<\/em> something instead of against it. Until that time, it\u2019s my goal to love them harder than they fight me. If my boys go to bed each night feeling more loved than fought and more a treasure than a hindrance and know there\u2019s nothing they could ever do to make me not love them, I call that day a success.<\/p>\n

7. Be a student of your child. <\/strong><\/em>There\u2019s no one-size-fits-all method when it comes to raising godly children. Sometimes, I wish there were. Other times I\u2019m glad it\u2019s not up to me to change their hearts. God can do a much better job of that than I can.<\/p>\n

What is<\/em> within my power is to study my son, to really know him\u2014his personality, what makes him happy, what makes him tick, what sets him off, what makes him feel loved. When a mom knows those things, she can tailor her parenting to the specific strengths and weaknesses of the child. It empowers the parent to reach the heart of the child, deep down inside, instead of just trying not to be inconvenienced by his bad behavior.<\/p>\n

8. Refuse to give up. <\/strong><\/em>I know you\u2019re tempted daily to give up. So am I. When things don\u2019t go as planned, when children continue to be resentful or disobedient regularly, when the clutter grows unmanageable, and the pile of laundry threatens to avalanche, we might be tempted to say, \u201cI quit. I\u2019m not even going to try anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

The circumstances we\u2019re in today are not forever. If we stay the course, we will reap a harvest, even if it happens on the other side of heaven. There\u2019s more waiting for us when we get there. The choices we make today to press on and fight the good fight will make a difference in generations to come, influencing who among our family and friends will get to join us with Jesus. Do not give up.<\/p>\n

\n

Adapted from Gospel Centered Mom by Brooke McGlothlin. Copyright \u00a9 2017 by Brooke McGlothlin. Adapted by permission of Multnomah. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here are eight ways we can fight for, not against, our children in their hard-to-handle moments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":90,"featured_media":20431,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Here are eight ways we can fight for, not against, our children in their hard-to-handle moments.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2852],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3511],"class_list":["post-20428","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","cwp_profile-brooke-mcglothlin"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/08\/your-child-is-not-the-enemy-1040x326-1.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2018\/08\/your-child-is-not-the-enemy-1040x326-1.jpg",1024,321,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Katherine","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kclemensfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Here are eight ways we can fight for, not against, our children in their hard-to-handle moments.","meta_box":{"_cloudsearch_visibility":"","profile_obj_manual_select":false,"profile_obj":false,"separator":false,"enable_link":false,"login_restricted":"","content_type":"","disclaimer_banner":"","currency":false,"pricing_subtext":false,"element_type":false,"date_field":false,"date_format":false,"theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":"","series":false,"ignore_sticky":false,"conditional_blocks_category":false,"cta_selection":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20428","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/90"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20428"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20428\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20431"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20428"},{"taxonomy":"equip-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/equip-category?post=20428"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=20428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}