{"id":17352,"date":"2014-01-09T09:19:25","date_gmt":"2014-01-09T15:19:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=17352"},"modified":"2025-05-16T12:10:21","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T16:10:21","slug":"will-your-kids-be-ready-for-the-real-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/foundations\/character-development\/will-your-kids-be-ready-for-the-real-world\/","title":{"rendered":"Will Your Kids Be Ready for the Real World?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Driving down Preston Road, I was dutifully transporting children to school with my then-14-year-old son sitting shotgun, when I learned how this kid defines the American Dream. As is typical of this particular area in Dallas, we were surrounded by opulence: on our left was a Lexus, on our right a Porsche, and directly in front, a silver Maserati.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cMom.\u201d Abandoning his pose of boredom, my son perked up. \u201cWhich one of those do you think I\u2019d look best in? I think the Porsche \u2026 Yeah. That\u2019s what car I\u2019m going to get when I\u2019m 16.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fighting back nausea, I looked at him. \u201cWhat planet are you on? And how do you think you will pay for one of those cars?\u201d A question I knew had no answer, since his primary activity involves a screen and remote control.<\/p>\n

Who is raising this kid?\u00a0<\/i>I thought.\u00a0Is materialism and money all he thinks about? Where have all my words of wisdom gone? The hours of volunteer service, the countless lectures on being content with what you have, and all the brilliant soliloquies I\u2019ve delivered on the fact that \u201cstuff\u201d will never really satisfy you\u2014has none of that penetrated his brain?<\/i><\/p>\n

After dropping him off, I passed through the last school zone on my way home and dialed my sister-in-law, who is also one of my best friends. Not only did I need to vent my frustration, I needed reassurance that I wasn\u2019t crazy and that there is a light at the end of this self-centered teenager tunnel. After we exchanged similar stories, I had a sobering epiphany.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I\u2019m raising little socialists,\u201d I said, \u201cthe serve-me kind that are numb to the benefits of ingenuity and hard work, the kind that don\u2019t just need to be taken care of\u2014they expect it.\u201d<\/p>\n

And why not? That\u2019s what I have apparently been raising them to expect. In that moment and in the days that followed, I came to realize that not one of my five children knew how to do their own laundry. Not one could clean a bathroom\u2014I mean, really clean it. Not one could cook, serve, and clean up after a full dinner. I wasn\u2019t sure my 8-year-old could even cut his waffles.<\/p>\n

Ugh!<\/p>\n

To be fair, my children can do a lot of amazing things. They are genuinely great kids. But they\u2019d been getting a sweet free ride, especially in their home life. With me stepping in and doing for them\u2014rarely, if ever, putting genuine responsibilities on their plate\u2014they didn\u2019t have a chance to realize their potential.<\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve since discovered in conversations with other parents, ours was not an isolated case. Raising independent kids is countercultural these days. Instead of teaching our children to view themselves as capable, we step in to do everything for them. We start when they\u2019re still young, using safety as our lame excuse (\u201cShe\u2019ll fall if I don\u2019t hover\u201d), then we continue \u201cprotecting\u201d them (\u201cIf I don\u2019t help him get As, how will he get into college?\u201d). We pave a smooth pathway, compulsively clearing away each pebble of disappointment or difficulty before it can impede their progress. By the time they reach adolescence, they\u2019re so used to being taken care of that they have no idea they\u2019re missing out on discovering what they can do or who they can be.<\/p>\n

What message are we sending our kids?<\/h5>\n

Incidents like these and countless others brought to my attention a malady that had infected my home. Youth entitlement seems to have reached epidemic proportions in both my family and society as a whole\u2014and I was appalled to realize that I, like many of today\u2019s well-meaning parents, am a primary carrier of the germ.<\/p>\n

With the greatest of intentions and in the name of love, we have developed a tendency to hover, race in to save, protect from failure, arrange for success, manipulate, overprotect, and enable our kids. Freeing their schedules for sports, school, and increasingly important time with friends, we strive to make our children\u2019s lives easier or to make success a sure thing by doing it all for them. We shower them with accolades, proclaiming how wonderful they are\u2014yet we rarely give them the opportunity to confirm the substance of that praise. All our efforts send the clear, though unspoken and unintended, message \u201cI\u2019ll do it for you because you can\u2019t\u201d or \u201cNo sense in your trying because I can do it better and faster.\u201d<\/p>\n

Those messages are really the\u00a0opposite<\/i>\u00a0of what I want my kids to hear from me. I want them to hear the truth\u2014that with hard work, perseverance, and discipline, they\u00a0can<\/i>\u00a0do anything they put their minds and muscles to.<\/p>\n

We impart the message that achievement is paramount. Then we do everything in our power to ensure their success\u2014by sticking ourselves smack-dab in the middle. The result? A group of kids now labeled as \u201cGen Me,\u201d because they behave as if the world revolves around them. Some experts even use the term\u00a0narcissistic<\/i>. Is their behavior worthy of a clinical diagnosis? Maybe or maybe not. But evidence clearly suggests we now have a group of overserved kids who are struggling once they leave the nest to find their place in life.<\/p>\n

This realization convinced me of the need to redefine my parenting approach. Instead of communicating \u201cI love you, so let me make life easy for you,\u201d I decided that my message needed to be something more along these lines: \u201cI love you. I believe in you. I know what you\u2019re capable of. So I\u2019m going to make you work.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reversing course<\/h5>\n

Whatever happened to teaching, directing, and modeling rather than doing everything for our children?<\/p>\n

Remember taking driver\u2019s ed? I learned how to drive in Wichita Falls, Texas, at the local driver\u2019s education school. After enduring hour upon hour of boring lectures, students moved to the hands-on portion of the class: actual driving. Our instructor pulled up to the curb, hoisted the gigantic Student Driver sign onto the roof of the car, then climbed into the passenger\u2019s side, which was equipped with an extra brake pedal. Off we went.<\/p>\n

On those countless white-knuckle rides, our instructor rarely employed the safety brake as he calmly guided each nervous driver onto a freeway, into a parallel parking spot, and through our small downtown\u2014all while enduring ridiculous teenage humor, jeers, eye rolls, snickers, and under-our-breath comments. The old guy patiently taught us how to navigate a car by ourselves. Why? Because he knew that one day soon he would be sharing the road with us \u2026 as oncoming traffic.<\/p>\n

Thanks to his approach, by the time I took my driver\u2019s test, I could do it all and do it well. Would I have eventually learned how to drive if, during our driving sessions, he had been doing it for me? Probably. But it would have been much harder. Because I was allowed to do it myself\u2014and occasionally fail, or at least hop a curb or two\u2014with a capable instructor by my side, I gained significant confidence and valuable experience.<\/p>\n

Yet as a parent, I\u2019m constantly surprised by an inexplicable desire to take the driver\u2019s seat for my kids. A desire to basically do everything for them. I can barely stop myself from stepping in, even though I know my meddling doesn\u2019t help them in the long run. Maybe it\u2019s my need to control it all, to get things done quickly and efficiently, and to maintain order. Whether it\u2019s ordering for them at Chick-fil-A, making their beds, all but brushing their teeth, I\u2019m surprised at the lengths to which I\u2019ve gone to make life easy for my kids.<\/p>\n

When I catch myself muttering under my breath, \u201cI told them to pick this up,\u201d and then proceeding not only to pick up pajamas, towels, and shoes but also to organize their closet while I\u2019m at it, I\u2019m solidifying my children\u2019s expectation that someone will always be around to do their work for them. I also make it harder for them to put things away, since I\u2019ve basically stolen the chance for them to organize their closets based on their own logic. When I step in, not only am I doing the work, but I\u2019m inviting the countless whines of \u201cwhere are my kneepads?\u201d It\u2019s the same with cooking or sweeping or mopping or bush trimming. I\u2019m not sure any of these things have ever crossed their minds as tasks they might need to know how to do.<\/p>\n

None of us want needy kids. We want them to be equipped to conquer the world rather than waiting for it to serve them.<\/p>\n

The only way to conquer youth entitlement is one house at a time. What a privilege we have to celebrate all that these kids have to offer and to help them realize their potential by bringing on the work. It\u2019s incredibly exciting to consider the abundant possibilities just around the corner for a generation empowered by parents and other adults who believe in them, support them by teaching real-life skills, and then pile on the responsibility. Think about the ramifications of unleashing this tech-savvy crew on global economic issues, seemingly incurable diseases, and age-old political conflict.<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s to seeing what can happen when we tell our kids, \u201cI believe in you, and I\u2019m going to prove it by putting you to work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Adapted from\u00a0<\/i>Cleaning House. Copyright \u00a9 2012 by<\/i>\u00a0<\/b>by Kay Wills Wyma. Used with permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this adaptation may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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