{"id":167926,"date":"2024-01-22T13:56:12","date_gmt":"2024-01-22T19:56:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=167926"},"modified":"2024-10-25T16:32:18","modified_gmt":"2024-10-25T20:32:18","slug":"do-i-have-a-healthy-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/do-i-have-a-healthy-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Do I Have a Healthy Marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Abuse<\/h5>If there is any form of abuse in your marriage, separation is a necessary first step to protect the life of the abused and get both the abused and the abuser the help he or she needs. If you are in an abusive situation, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help making a plan. Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit\u00a0https:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/<\/a>.<\/em><\/div><\/div><\/div>
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Ever found yourself smack dab in the middle of a frustrating moment with your spouse, wondering, Do I have a healthy marriage?<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re not alone. We’ve all felt that way at some point. Wait \u2018til you read a few lines down about how baking flour (of all things) caused major frustration between my wife and me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, just this past year, a buddy and I were sharing how beautiful life is with our wives. I mean, it\u2019s awesome! But we both would also agree marriage is like an exciting roller coaster. It\u2019s the best ride we\u2019ve ever been on, but when we feel like we\u2019re hanging upside down and gripping our seatbelt for dear life, we wonder \u2026 Is this normal? Is this healthy? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does a \u201chealthy marriage\u201d even exist?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s normal in a healthy marriage?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

During our first year of marriage, Olivia and I lived in an old Kentucky house with classic creaky floors. No matter where you stepped, it was a gamble if the floor would sound back at you. But we liked that house. We loved being together in it even more. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first year of our marriage had a similar vibe to those creaky floors.<\/a> It seemed like every other marital step we took was a gamble on whether or not we\u2019d get frustrated with one another, sounding off in an argument. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Olivia and I laugh about it now, but I remember one day I opened the fridge and saw a bag of newly purchased flour. I thought, That doesn\u2019t go there. One of us must\u2019ve been busy or sidetracked<\/em>. I took it out and put it in the pantry where I thought it rightfully belonged. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I rushed to share what I thought would be a funny moment with Olivia. But to my surprise, she mentioned she put it in the fridge on purpose. Immaturely, I thought, Why on earth would you do that? Flour doesn\u2019t go in the fridge. I\u2019ve never seen it done that way.<\/em> But all I said was, \u201cHmph.\u201d That, and my confused and slightly corrective face, said enough to make Olivia feel belittled and get our marriage floor squeaking in disagreement. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A conversation about flour quickly morphed into how we\u2019d been raised differently and how we felt at odds on various household responsibilities from dinner to our dogs. That escalated to my way<\/em> versus her way<\/em>, spiraling into reports of other frustrations we\u2019d recently gone through. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At that point, it was no longer about flour. It was a showdown of competing perspectives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This kind of thing happens quite a bit, not only for us, but for many marriages. Many couples we\u2019d hang out with while engaged would say, \u201cYeah, our first year was so hard \u2026 we got into so many arguments. In fact, we still do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it’s the first year, the fifth year, or the 15th year, no one is immune to frustrations in marriage. Unfortunately, when the frustrations add up, it\u2019s normal to feel like we\u2019re drifting apart from our spouses.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what if God doesn\u2019t want it to be normal? Difficulties weren\u2019t part of His original design. But now, because of sin, conflict is inevitable (see Genesis 3<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I\u2019ve got to admit, when Olivia and I found ourselves in arguments about flour<\/em>, we were definitely wondering if stuff like this was normal. In a healthy marriage, does a couple get frustrated over things like flour?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What <\/strong>is<\/em><\/strong> normal?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I gotta go straight to the dictionary to share what Webster says about the word normal:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Normal<\/em><\/strong> is characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine <\/em>(see Webster\u2019s dictionary<\/a>).<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I think of something being normal, I think of whatever is usual. What is the thing that always happens?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, it seems like I\u2019m always losing a sock to our washer or dryer. That’s what usually happens. So in that case, I’d say losing a sock while doing laundry is normal. But, that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. That doesn\u2019t mean losing my sock while doing the laundry is the goal. The goal of doing my laundry is for my laundry to get clean. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In much the same way, it’s common for couples to find themselves bickering, having major conflict, and drifting apart in our world today. It’s been an inherited normal for every marriage since the first marriage (Adam and Eve) turned away from God. Even so, we can\u2019t say drifting apart from our spouse is the goal we had in mind when we got married. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether its arguments over roles, chores, or even flour, what we consider normal for marriage may look differently depending on how we see marriages around us functioning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although the drift that occurs between spouses is a common and \u201cnormal\u201d experience, it doesn’t mean that\u2019s the goal for a healthy marriage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out what Webster <\/a>said about the word health:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Health<\/em><\/strong> is the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

At my recent doctor’s visit, all my doctor really wanted to know was if all parts of my body were functioning like they were meant to function. That’s what determines the state of my health. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider the same concept as it pertains to marriage. Are all the parts of your marriage functioning like they were intended to function? That’s what determines the state of our marriage health.<\/p>\n\n\n

Find out why over 1.5 million couples have attended FamilyLife\u2019s Weekend to Remember.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n\n\n

So, what is a healthy marriage?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Considering the definition of health I shared, we\u2019ve got to figure out how marriage was intended<\/em> to function. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To do that, you and I have to go to the One that designed the structure of marriage. After looking at God\u2019s framework for marriage and how He intended it to function, then we can ask ourselves the big question: Do I have a healthy marriage?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I look through the Bible on how God intended marriage to function, here are a few of the Scriptures I keep in my mental pocket: <\/p>\n\n\n\n