{"id":165825,"date":"2023-12-15T09:01:29","date_gmt":"2023-12-15T15:01:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=165825"},"modified":"2024-12-11T10:11:21","modified_gmt":"2024-12-11T15:11:21","slug":"rethinking-the-gift-exchange-for-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/holidays\/featured-holidays\/christmas\/rethinking-the-gift-exchange-for-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Rethinking the Gift Exchange for Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\" fetchpriority=\"high\"><\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What are your Christmas traditions? Trimming the tree? Baking and decorating cookies? Cooking special dishes reserved for the holiday season? If you\u2019re a parent, surely it includes a family gift exchange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Growing up, those were all traditions we followed, and when I got married and had kids of my own, it was a no-brainer to bring those same traditions into my newly established family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, six years and four kids into my parenting journey, <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stressed-and-depressed-at-christmas-bob-lepine\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">I found myself dreading what was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. <\/a>Shopping for gifts was taking up all my time post-Thanksgiving, on top of church Christmas play rehearsals, recitals, and countless Christmas gatherings. I was at my wit\u2019s end. I had come to associate the holiday season with utter chaos and overwhelming fatigue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One December night, frazzled, I asked my husband, Moses, a rhetorical question: \u201cWhat if we stopped giving Christmas gifts to the kids?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To my surprise, he didn\u2019t immediately shut down my idea. I guess it wasn\u2019t a rhetorical question after all. By the time the next Christmas rolled around, we had made our decision: gift exchanges would be no more in the Sanchez household. The harder task would be getting our extended family on board.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<h2 id=\"h-rethinking-the-christmas-gift-exchange\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom: 15px;line-height: 1.1em\">Rethinking the Christmas gift exchange<\/h2>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To paint a picture for you, as a first-generation Filipino-American, Christmas is a main event to say the least. There\u2019s an old joke that Filipinos only celebrate Christmas during the months that end in \u201cber.\u201d If you\u2019ve ever visited the Philippines anytime after September 1, you would see that\u2019s no exaggeration. Not to mention, I have four sisters close in age, and I\u2019m the only one with kids. The <em>tita<\/em> (aunt) temptation to spoil your nieces and nephews is real, and my parents could hardly help but overindulge their only grandkids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ll never forget the dread I felt as I sent a text to our extended family, politely asking them to skip the gift exchange. I was careful to avoid questioning their motives. Instead, I explained we would reserve birthdays as a time to shower our kids with presents.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Christmas season would be our opportunity as a family to emphasize other values:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<h3 id=\"h-1-we-want-to-create-memories-as-a-family-in-other-words-we-want-to-emphasize-experiences-over-things\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" style=\"font-size: 24px;line-height: 28px;font-weight: 500;margin-bottom: 8px\">1. We want to create memories as a family. In other words, we want to emphasize experiences over things.<\/h3>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My family and I live in New York City, and are fortunate enough to have access to plenty of festive Christmas activities. One experience we\u2019ve experienced together is visiting the famous<a href=\"https:\/\/www.rockefellercenter.com\/holidays\/rockefeller-center-christmas-tree-lighting\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"> Rockefeller Center<\/a> Christmas Tree and the<a href=\"http:\/\/www.grandcentralterminal.com\/event\/holiday-train-show\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"> Holiday Train Show<\/a> at Grand Central Terminal. Another memory we\u2019ve experienced as a family for the past several years has been staying at a friend\u2019s cabin in the Poconos over the days leading up to Christmas and spending quality time there eating junk food, watching our favorite holiday movies, and playing board games.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<h3 id=\"h-2-we-want-our-kids-to-prioritize-serving-others\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" style=\"font-size: 24px;line-height: 28px;font-weight: 500;margin-bottom: 8px\">2. We want our kids to prioritize serving others.<\/h3>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We\u2019ve given out bags of coffee to strangers we pass by on the street, or gift cards to the workers at the <em>bodegas<\/em> we frequent (small grocery stores common in NYC; if you know, you know), or baked cookies for our neighbors in our apartment building.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the animated short film <em>A Charlie Brown Christmas<\/em>, the wise sage Charlie Brown bemoans the fact that materialism has upstaged the celebration of Christ\u2019s birth and a spirit of generosity has been nearly forgotten during the holiday season. I couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Several questions sparked our decision to redefine Christmas traditions for our family:<\/p>\n\n\n<ul style=\"margin: 0 0 15px 1.5em\">\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">Could there be an alternative to the self-centered, materialistic, American cultural celebration of Christmas?<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\">We have the responsibility as parents to shape the values of a generation that will outlive us, how will we steward this well?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div class=\"fl-article-cta\"><div class=\"fl-article-cta-wrapper\"><a class='fl-article-cta-button' style='margin-top: 15px; visibility: visible; background-color: #f3bd48 !important;' target='_blank' href='https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/content-offers\/holiday-survival-guide\/' data-color-override='false' data-hover-color-override='false' data-hover-text-color-override='#fff'><span>Find holiday encouragement for you and your family in our <em>Holiday Survival Guide.<\/em><i class='fa fas fa-book-open'><\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n<h2 id=\"h-replacing-the-gift-exchange-with-new-holiday-traditions\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom: 15px;line-height: 1.1em\">Replacing the gift exchange with new holiday traditions<\/h2>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We are now six years into our holiday tradition, and as expected, we have tweaked it a bit (although the same values steer any changes we make). We still don\u2019t do traditional gift exchanges, but we do a \u201cSecret Santa\u201d in which each kid is randomly assigned a sibling to shop for at <em>Five Below<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We\u2019ve been consistent for the past three years to get away to the Poconos, sometimes at our friends\u2019 cabin and sometimes at a Christian camp site. We now have a hot cocoa bar and watch our favorite Christmas movies while chomping on homemade popcorn. One year, my sisters joined us and the plastic wrap game tradition was born, in which small toys and candies are wrapped tightly within a ball of plastic wrap and players take turns unwrapping, keeping any prize that falls out during their turn. For the past five years, we\u2019ve visited Dyker Heights in Brooklyn, known for their lavish Christmas lights displays, and the kids look forward to buying overpriced ice cream from trucks that line each block of the neighborhood.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know some of you may be reading this and thinking: \u201cGrinch\u2013ahem. I mean, Marilette, that all sounds noble, but my kids would hate me.\u201d Or maybe, \u201cWhat would my parents think if I deprived them of the chance to spoil their grandkids?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To which I would just offer a couple paradigm shifts that would apply whether or not you decide to buy presents.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<ul style=\"margin: 0 0 15px 1.5em\">\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\"><strong>What if we valued experiences and quality time over more \u201cstuff\u201d? <\/strong>In lieu of toys, you can offer a trip to the ice cream shop, a movie, concert or sporting event, or maybe consider a gift that keeps on giving like a year-long membership to a museum or botanical gardens.<\/li>\n<li style=\"padding-bottom: 8px\"><strong>What if we valued buying educational toys or enhancing a current talent or interest? <\/strong>Instead of buying the latest flashy toy that your kid will lose interest in within a couple of days, what if you bought your musically-inclined child a new keyboard or guitar? Do you have a budding artist in your midst? Try buying them a new art kit, easel, or even art lessons for the year.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 id=\"h-choose-what-s-right-for-your-family\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" style=\"font-size: 30px;margin-bottom: 15px;line-height: 1.1em\">Choose what\u2019s right for your family<\/h2>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I recently asked my family members if they remember their initial reaction to that infamous text. To my surprise, my sisters recall not minding at all. One of them, whose love language is quality time, was excited for the opportunity to redirect her funding toward things she could experience alongside the kids. Two were relieved to at least have the opportunity to spoil the kids on their birthdays with no limits. One of them was excited at the prospect to be innovative and create new traditions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My mom recalls her and my dad\u2019s disappointment in not being able to see the excitement on the kids\u2019 faces while opening presents during Christmas. I concede that there are different dynamics at play between being a grandparent versus a parent. All that to say, I have a newfound respect for my parents who respected our boundaries, despite not wholeheartedly agreeing with our family\u2019s decision.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My intention in sharing our nontraditional family tradition is not to be closed-minded and pushy about all families needing to follow in our footsteps. I simply want to encourage parents not to mindlessly follow the traditions thrust upon us by society at large. Instead, let&#8217;s realize the freedom we have to create our own family traditions and values.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As parents, we get to choose what is best for our family in each season. We have every right to switch up the status quo, and must remind ourselves <em>often<\/em> that there is always room to tweak and pivot from the \u201cnormal\u201d as time goes on. I hope hearing a snippet of my family\u2019s story can be a reminder to others of the freedom we have available to us in Christ in our parenting journey and beyond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Adapted from <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marilettesanchez.com\/marilettesays\/\/our-family-is-rethinking-gift-exchanges-this-christmas-and-why-you-should-too\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>\u201cWhy I&#8217;m Rethinking Gift Exchanges This Christmas,&#8221;<\/em><\/a><em> originally published on Marilette Sanchez.com. Used with permission. Copyright \u00a9 2023 by Marilette Sanchez. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Marilette Sanchez is a New Yorker passionate about finding the connections between God, relationships, and pop culture. She is wife to Moses, a homeschooling mom to five young children, and a full-time missionary with FamilyLife. She believes there is more to the Christian life than hypocrisy and more to pop culture than shallow art. College sweethearts and NYC natives, she and her husband, Moses, are FamilyLife\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\/speakers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/a> speakers known for their transparency and their ability to inject their love of hip hop and pop culture into their discussions of love, sex and marriage. She has recently co-founded <a href=\"http:\/\/roughedgespodcast.com\/shop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">an online apparel company<\/a> to raise awareness for mental health issues in the church and communities of color. Follow her parenting and homeschooling journey on Instagram at <a href=\"https:\/\/marilettesanchez.us5.list-manage.com\/track\/click?u=550ef67ca528c1db32d4b87d0&amp;id=f5cd58c7ff&amp;e=2dc76ebd85\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">@bigcitybigfamily<\/a> and her musings on womanhood and pop culture at <a href=\"http:\/\/marilettesanchez.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">marilettesanchez.com<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nixing the gift exchange might be nontraditional, but it\u2019s helped our family realign our priorities and values during the holidays.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":349,"featured_media":311143,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Nixing the gift exchange might be nontraditional, but it\u2019s helped our family realign 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