{"id":147668,"date":"2023-04-13T20:36:14","date_gmt":"2023-04-14T01:36:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=147668"},"modified":"2025-03-13T13:40:25","modified_gmt":"2025-03-13T17:40:25","slug":"7-things-to-know-as-a-woman-leading-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/equip\/7-things-to-know-as-a-woman-leading-others\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Things To Know as a Woman Leading Others"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

I sat in front of the mirror as my friend from church snipped away, my curls falling around her boots. Her eyes found mine in my reflection. \u201cHow\u2019d you feel about last weekend?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I exhaled into the otherwise empty salon; I didn\u2019t know, I told her. I attempted to graciously explain what I could\u2014without throwing anyone under the bus\u2014about a situation that left me confused and stinging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Essentially, church leadership had requested I lead worship at an event; in my mind, I rehearsed the Exodus example of Miriam leading God\u2019s people in song. But the day before, concerns had been raised by a couple of elders as to whether this would be teaching or exercising authority over a man (1 Timothy 2:12<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Six weeks of preparation led to a minimal role. The elders would be examining the role of women leading in the church. They asked if I would wait it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Embarrassment and confusion curved my shoulders as my friend snipped and combed. I identified with Angie Ward\u2019s words in I am a Leader:<\/em> \u201c[Perspectives on women leading in ministry] didn\u2019t really affect my ability to fulfill my calling \u2026 They did<\/em> affect my confidence and sense of self, however, as I began to question whether my leadership bent was a gift or a fatal feminine flaw.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moreover, what could I tell my gifted, pensive teenage daughter who was beginning to slot roles for women in the church under \u201crestrictive\u201d and \u201carchaic\u201d? How could she be allowed to shine unfettered in every area but her local church? We\u2019d spoken over and over about God\u2019s goodness in His authority structure. Now she was exhaling a sigh when this came up at the dinner table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my desire to adhere to God\u2019s Word, I also know faulty interpretation means the church could be deprived of powerful gifts of half<\/em> the church population\u2014the historically oppressed side. Not to mention appearing tone-deaf to entire generations after us.<\/p>\n\n\n

Should women in the church \u201cdream smaller\u201d for the kingdom of God?<\/h2>\n\n\n

Our five-plus years living in Africa delivered CPR to a part of me that wanted to live for something bigger than myself and even my home. Finally, robust work for a visionary female.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hearing so long about the goodness of sacrifice, I\u2019d felt guilty for any kind of ambition or desire. Desires the kingdom of God asks of me (barring positions Scripture outlines as inappropriate<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m guilty of envisioning God as wanting women in the church to be strong, but not too strong. As Jennie Allen writes in Restless,<\/em> \u201cSo many tensions lay on top of my calling because of my gender \u2026 I found myself wishing away my calling.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One teary night, I remember questioning if my own (strong) daughter needed to dream smaller for the kingdom of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But this is what I hope to remind both of us.<\/p>\n\n\n

1. Gifts and gender: Embrace the tension.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Occasionally, in my fear of vanity or deprioritizing my family, I assumed I should banish my (God-given) desires and dreams. Maybe in exchange for a Crock-Pot and other more reasonable undertakings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, we may feel we could perform a males-only task more competently. But just as we\u2019d honor a boss, pursuing ways to come alongside their weaknesses, we can react similarly and with far more ownership in the church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because we\u2019re not talking year-end reports here. We\u2019re talking the kingdom of God. Even if we\u2019re not in charge, God made us with specific strengths and passions and circumstances on purpose\u2014just as He made Esther, Abigail, and Lydia.<\/p>\n\n\n

2. Look at a few good women.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Biblical women like Miriam, Deborah, Jael, or Esther didn\u2019t shy away from bold leadership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I consider the word used to refer to Eve\u2019s creation as \u201chelper\u201d in Genesis, ezer<\/em>. In its 21 usages in the Old Testament, 16 refer to God. In nearly every occurrence, ezer<\/em> refers to a military ally. A military ally isn\u2019t dainty. She doesn\u2019t use her role in the authority structure to hide in passivity, to avoid confrontation or conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Proverbs 31<\/a> woman is decisive and protective, industrious and perceptive, purchasing real-estate, running her own business. She\u2019s a bit of a warrior-woman all on her own: \u201cStrength and dignity are her clothing\u201d (verse 25); \u201cher arms are strong for her tasks\u201d (verse 17, NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Deborah (Judges 4-5<\/a>), a \u201cMother in Israel\u201d (5:7), we witness boldness, courage, \u201ccharging the hill\u201d with initiative, confidence, and leadership.<\/p>\n\n\n

3. Your narrative makes a difference.<\/h3>\n\n\n

In our desires to be \u201cthe first woman to do x,<\/em>\u201d or \u201csomeone who leads men,\u201d and other ideas from secular feminism (some to kingdom detriment), we may become divisive rather than unifying\u2014and pro-self or pro-achievement rather than pro-body of Christ or pro-servant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the local church and body of Christ, we commit ourselves to a community of people who share the work of reconciling us to God and one another in equality amid diversity. When leadership becomes a competition with members of God\u2019s Body (e.g., men or church leadership)\u2014or \u201cus versus them\u201d\u2014Jesus\u2019 desire that we are one as He and the Father are one (John 17:21<\/a>) falls to the wayside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And believing I\u2019m less important because of what tasks I can do flies in the face of God\u2019s vision for His body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regarding our femininity, the eye\u2014our perspective and personal narrative\u2014is the lamp of the body (Matthew 6:22-23<\/a>). One woman chooses to feel empowered<\/a> by the accountability of running her notes by her church elders. \u201cIt offers a safety of, in case I teach something wrong, I\u2019ve got these guys, they\u2019re checking it over, and in their wisdom they will oversee,\u201d she said. \u201cI had a lot of safety net and a lot of room to flourish.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s also vital to not make uncharitable assumptions that our gender influences most ways we\u2019re mistreated. Gently asking questions about others\u2019 motivations rather than assuming they meant harm can save tremendous pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can also forget our lead foot-washer turned leadership on its head, proclaiming the importance of service rather than position or greatness: \u201cThe kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them \u2026 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves\u201d (Luke 22:25-26).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Friends, women in the church can\u2019t pursue strength to dominate, any more than men should.<\/p>\n\n\n

4. Keep your wounds clean.<\/h3>\n\n\n

The levels of self-blame and hurt around gender can feel profound, particularly as wounds inflicted by church \u201cfamily.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Personally, I view my relationship with my local church similar to a marriage. I\u2019ve committed to this body of people\u2014not for what I can get or because they\u2019ve got their act together, but because we choose to honor God together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are a body in how we handle conflict. So just taking our kickball and going home isn\u2019t an option. Neither is bitterness, unforgiveness, disunity, grinding a pinkish axe, or allowing gender conflict to become the thing between us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember: As much as Deborah charged the hill, Abigail prevented 400 of David\u2019s men from revenge and battle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my personal story, I chose (and still do) to submit to my church leadership. Though I needed to grapple with my pain and disappointment over what happened, unity felt far more pleasing to God than getting to do what I saw as good and right (check out Psalm 133:1<\/a> and John 17:11<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you know what? After our elders and pastors spent months poring through Scripture\u2019s teachings on women leading, I was asked to lead worship. As Paul\u2019s writings emphasize, community is the environment for discernment. Thankfully, they emerged with a plan to include and develop women in our entire congregation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That won\u2019t always happen. But our personal desires simply can\u2019t take top priority in the church, no matter our gender. God\u2019s kingdom is so much greater.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Courage and leadership, according to Jesus, are not for resume or human clout or representation, but allowing Jesus kingship in the laundry room and the boardroom. As Dave Harvey asserts in Rescuing Ambition,<\/em> \u201cGod\u2019s work in God\u2019s way for God\u2019s glory. Why burn for anything else?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

5. You may need to take initiative with your training and development.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Ward notes, \u201cNowhere does the Bible teach that either gifts or secondary callings are bestowed according to gender. In fact, women preached, prophesied, and led in both the Old and New Testaments \u2026 sometimes over men. \u2026 The exercise<\/em> of calling was sometimes limited by gender, but the fact<\/em> of calling was not.\u201d She adds, \u201cThe Bible is also clear that God is proauthority.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because of gender roles, not being invited to your church\u2019s class on preaching when you\u2019ve got a gift of teaching can feel painful.<\/a> Or perhaps your skills of leadership may not be developed, nurtured, or exercised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Studies indicate<\/a> faith-based organizations statistically struggle with a lack of mentorship for women, as well as female self-monitoring to the point women stifle their own opinions. Biola University professor and researcher Leanne Dzubinski also notes<\/a> some organizations may practice \u201csanctified sexism\u201d: They justify treating a woman differently, perhaps in the name of chivalry or protection. Yet they make decisions for her, like determining she wouldn\u2019t want a role because she has children to care for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So you might ask, \u201cIf there\u2019s an opportunity in this area, would you mind giving me the chance?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet carrying out the good works God\u2019s prepared in advance for us (Ephesians 2:10<\/a>) with faithfulness and excellence ultimately falls on us\u2014not whomever we can blame. Pursue personal development for God\u2019s glory, even without invitation.<\/p>\n\n\n

6. The Church needs full-strength femininity.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Ruth Bader Ginsberg famously stated, \u201cWomen belong in all places where decisions are being made.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But in many situations in the church, women won\u2019t be there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even in all-male leadership in churches, it\u2019s not good for men to be alone (Genesis 2:18<\/a>). That\u2019s one way marriage, as an intimate form of community, affects the community at large. The health of a marriage reverberates into men\u2019s roles and the larger community in which we all live and serve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conversely, when women in the church or outside of it grow comfortable in diminished, unbiblical roles in life and home, we hamstring the church and rob culture of God\u2019s beautiful design for gender.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I fully respect God\u2019s created order of men as the heads of their homes (1 Corinthians 11:3<\/a>) and in the Church (1 Timothy 2:11<\/a>). Yet I can\u2019t help but wonder if, for example, some decisions would carry more emotional complexity if women were present. Not as elders, but providing valuable input.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our feminine viewpoints as co-heirs of the grace of life and fellow image-bearers make the church healthier and smarter (Genesis 1:27<\/a>, 1 Peter 3:7<\/a>). Just as men support women through men\u2019s unique makeup, God\u2019s creation of us can make us attuned to things men miss, as counterparts \u201cfit for him\u201d (Genesis 2:18<\/a>). Studies indicate<\/a> greater diversity hands organizations greater creativity, decision-making, and financial outcomes.<\/p>\n\n\n

7. Your gender is on purpose and beautiful to God.<\/h3>\n\n\n

The fortitude of biblical female leaders was for God and His purposes\u2014not selfish ambition or conceit (Philippians 2:3-4<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jen Pollock Michel, in Teach Us to Want,<\/em> does recall the Tower of Babel as a metaphor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

We are hell-bent on making a name for ourselves. Sinful desire has a cruel way of leading us out of God\u2019s kingdom to Babylon, where we impertinently define good and then demand that God provide it on our terms. Those desires are neither trusting nor surrendered, and they lead us into the land of exile.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When we speak of women being \u201cheld back\u201d if they can\u2019t hold exactly the same positions, are we showing our cards about what we see as important in the church?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps God made us women (and made men, men) so we could shepherd not everyone we can imagine, but certain people in certain contexts. Matthew Spandler-Davison, executive director of an inner-city ministry, comments<\/a>, \u201cWe are training women to be teachers of the Word and to offer pastoral care, particularly in a city context where most women are single.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I were a man, I might have trained as a pastor. But God intricately designed paths for me to teach as a writer and speaker far beyond my local congregation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will God\u2019s on-purpose calling of each of us be enough? Are His good limits\u2014as shown through the Sabbath, His high view of sex, His boundaries of the sea\u2014to be embraced?<\/p>\n\n\n

Women leading: It\u2019s not just about the destination<\/h2>\n\n\n

During my haircut that day, my friend brought up the story of the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and hair (Luke 7:36-50<\/a>). The woman had uncovered her head in a room full of men\u2014an immodest act in their culture. And then, she cried in front of all of them and absorbed their criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rather than Jesus reprimanding her impropriety, Jesus praises her. In fact, in a similar story with a different woman, Jesus responds to antagonists, \u201cShe has done a beautiful thing to me\u201d (Mark 14:6<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amidst all the questions my soul asked in the weirdness\u2014Did I want the right thing for the right reasons? Was God, too, wishing I wasn\u2019t asked to lead?\u2014<\/em>maybe God believed that in both leading worship and the process to get there, I\u2019d done a beautiful thing to Him.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2023 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity\u00ae, Art of Parenting\u00ae, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write on Your Kids\u2019 Hearts<\/em> (Harvest House), empowers parents to creatively engage kids in vibrant spirituality. You can find her\u2014\u201cThe Awkward Mom\u201d\u2014having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com<\/a>, and on Instagram @janelbreit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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