{"id":147548,"date":"2023-04-13T21:00:12","date_gmt":"2023-04-14T02:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=147548"},"modified":"2023-04-13T21:00:12","modified_gmt":"2023-04-14T02:00:12","slug":"how-not-to-be-a-weird-christian-or-5-ways-not-to-share-your-faith","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/equip\/how-not-to-be-a-weird-christian-or-5-ways-not-to-share-your-faith\/","title":{"rendered":"How Not To Be a Weird Christian (Or, 5 Ways Not To Share Your Faith)"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Several years ago, my husband and I were selling our little yellow house (without an agent) in a season covered in toddlers and preschoolers. For every house showing, we\u2019d shove the kid\u2019s leftovers into the washer, dryer, and dishwasher, lay down some vacuum tracks, and scurry off to the playground just in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember standing in my garden when she rang: a realtor eager to sell my house for me, rattling off her exuberant pitch. At first, I was honored she called (\u201cYour house is so cute!\u201d) and interested in her spiel. But soon my shoulders fell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The vibe was clear: She cared more for her agenda than she cared about the needs of my family. I politely declined, sighed, slid my phone back in my pocket, pulled back on my gloves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weeks later, she called to confidently schedule a showing for one of her clients. \u201cThis person\u2019s perfect for your place. I\u2019m going to sell your house today!\u201d Her certainty buoyed my sagging spirit. We rearranged our schedule entirely, cleaning in a frenzy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was, of course, in vain. And her words meant to inspire assurance left my frazzled self smoldering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a lesson in a lot of things (my own stupid reactions included). But that encounter influences how I talk about what I believe, about the One who\u2019s changed my life so profoundly. Sharing with people the faith that\u2019s given me so much life has to flow directly from loving them. <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my agenda slides before concern\u2014We must get this person saved! Hellfire, brimstone, etc. etc<\/em>.\u2014I\u2019m the annoying gong, the clanging cymbal, the car alarm everyone wishes would can it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

People don\u2019t hear, Wow, God loves me!<\/em> They hear, You didn\u2019t even respect me enough to really see me. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this lays groundwork for anger and outright rejection of the hope they need most. <\/p>\n\n\n

How to hamstring your own evangelism<\/h2>\n\n\n

As a missionary, I\u2019ve had some exposure to evangelism methods. But I do believe there\u2019s been a vast generational shift in how our culture is reached with the mind-blowing message of grace, hope, and true peace. Though there was unquestionably a time for tracts, formulas, massive events, and the evangelistic equivalent of a \u201ccold call\u201d\u2014and many are still reached this way!\u2014those techniques can offer a knee-jerk rejection, particularly for Gen X and younger.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I once heard from a pastor (my paraphrase)\u2014the Cross is offensive enough. We don\u2019t need to add to the offense with insensitive social skills. I can\u2019t say they rejected Jesus <\/em>when I\u2019m being socially inappropriate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Picture yourself with someone of another religion approaching you in the same way\u2014like trying to do kind things for you so you\u2019d give them time for their \u201csales\u201d talk. Would you feel uncomfortable?<\/p>\n\n\n

How not to be weird<\/h2>\n\n\n

Yes, start a conversation with the person next to you on the flight, or the one on the beach, or on social media. Express something God\u2019s done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Compassionate evangelism doesn\u2019t dampen our boldness or the frequency with which we diligently work to extend this gift to people. It just means that in a culture where people can sniff out an agenda a mile away, my boldness and sense of urgency must proceed from deep regard for the person in front of me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And rather than merely bringing someone to the point of conversion, Jesus commands us toward \u201cteaching them to obey\u201d\u2014toward disciple-making over the long haul. As Alan Hirsch, founding director of the Forge Mission Training Network reminds<\/a>, \u201cEvangelism takes place in the context of a relationship called discipleship that can go a whole lifetime.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, here\u2019s how not <\/em>to share Jesus with a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n

1. As a hidden agenda.<\/h3>\n\n\n

When someone\u2019s telling their story, a listener railroading the conversation to talk about their own topic is typically thought of as \u2026 well, rude. And spirituality isn\u2019t different, unless it flows into the conversation because it naturally energizes us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul mentions, \u201cLet your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person\u201d (Colossians 4:6). So not only is our conversation\u2014like any recipe\u2014appropriately seasoned, it\u2019s also conversationally gracious and thoughtful, rather than socially tone deaf. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul also mentions \u201chow you ought to answer each person,\u201d which implies\u2014when we\u2019re not answering a direct question\u2014that we\u2019re responding to a person\u2019s own implicit questions about life, their own story, and desire to know. We\u2019re looking for openings to share how our encounter with Jesus meets their longing, but not in ways that feel forced and don\u2019t see the person in front of us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which we won\u2019t know unless we\u2019re \u201cquick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger\u201d (James 1:19). <\/p>\n\n\n

2. As a spiritualized chess match or quick win.<\/h3>\n\n\n

In arguments, and particularly in anger, it\u2019s easy to dehumanize our opponent, distilling them to an issue, set of values, or spiritualized target, rather than a person with desire and loss and hurt. In the New Testament, these core needs compelled people toward Jesus for their own healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the Barna Group\u2019s research, President David Kinnaman reports that non-Christians\u2019 hopes in discussing religion are, first, someone who listens without<\/em> judgment<\/em>\u2014followed by not forcing a conclusion. <\/em>However, only one-third see this in Christians they know personally. So it\u2019s possible to have all the right answers but none of the heart to hear and love the person in front of us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toss the spiritual chess match, and settle in to listen. As you begin to hear what\u2019s really hurting or angering or mystifying someone, you might hear about holes in their soul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And eventually, by listening and loving, you\u2019ll be ready to \u201cgive an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have \u2026 with gentleness and respect\u201d (1 Peter 3:15, NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n

3. As a way for them to share their stuff without showing yours.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Some of our greatest apologetics in a bristling, disconnected cultural climate are empathy, active listening,<\/em> and vulnerability<\/em>. And it\u2019s difficult to accomplish the first two when they\u2019re the only ones sharing the hard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like judgment tends to beget judgment, authenticity tends to beget authenticity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, we don\u2019t drag out our dirty laundry (especially that which implicates others) as a means to an end. But the Bible very rarely pulls punches about the rawness of humanity, because that depravity shows the fullness of God\u2019s kindness. And there\u2019s a theme in the Bible of true repentance leading to abject humility. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We allow God to use our story however He sees fit, honoring Him in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-12<\/a>). If you\u2019re reluctant to get vulnerable but hope others will, this might be a good thing to dig into with God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, be conscious of shifting the spotlight from someone\u2019s story to your own. But when appropriate, use your own vulnerability to create genuine connectedness and to emphasize God as the hero.<\/p>\n\n\n

4. Using insider language.<\/h3>\n\n\n

In general, if you wouldn\u2019t hear a secular person use it in a coffee shop in exactly the same way, steer clear unless you can gently, easily define the word and make it work for you. This includes words like \u201cgrace\u201d (work with me here\u2014this means something different to Catholics or to a dancer), \u201ca joy,\u201d \u201cblessed,\u201d \u201cdo life,\u201d \u201cthe Word,\u201d etc. (here\u2019s a list of 50).<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cChristianese\u201d fuels listeners\u2019 issues with the culture <\/em>of Christianity (see also: painfully realistic representations of Christians in secular media). In general, these aspects can be alienating and grating, and looked upon by others as something a new believer would need to get past <\/em>if they wanted to come to Christ. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s why we might use discernment before bringing a person to a church service as evangelism before two-way conversations with them personally (I didn\u2019t say never\u2026). Many of our services are filled with songs, rituals, and words a non-Christian doesn\u2019t know, sharpening their impression that Christianity is more about outward behavior rather than surrendering to Jesus.<\/p>\n\n\n

5. Without awareness of someone\u2019s current posture toward Jesus.<\/h3>\n\n\n

Paul mentions, \u201cI planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth\u201d (1 Corinthians 3:6). Any seed has a process to germination, from the packet, to cracking open beneath the ground, to visible seedlings. (Check out Engel\u2019s scale of evangelism<\/a>, a spectrum of where individuals lie in their discipleship or lack thereof.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And though many are primed for harvest (Matthew 9:37<\/a>), some aren\u2019t yet ready. In fact, harvesting now would kill the plant\u2014with no chance for harvesting later. Take it from a farm girl: If you get the stage of growth wrong, you get your reaction wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or, as Timothy Keller articulates in Every Good Endeavor,<\/em> if we get someone\u2019s story wrong, we get our response wrong. Stories help us make sense of those around us. On the converse, lack of an accurate story can lead to profound misunderstanding, conflict, and pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People\u2019s stories keep them from becoming dehumanized in our eyes, an entity in a McMissions assembly line. You might say knowing someone\u2019s story is a form of loving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Ruth Haley Barton puts it in Life Together in Christ, <\/em>evangelism is \u201can invitation to spiritual transformation offered by someone who can bear witness to that transformation in their own life \u2026 so much more than selling an insurance policy regarding life in the hereafter.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharing our faith is about a courageous compulsion, emerging from God\u2019s love for us and our mutual love for others, to tell of God\u2019s change inside us\u2014a contagious inner satisfaction. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s let that posture lead.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2023 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity\u00ae, Art of Parenting\u00ae, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills to Write On Your Kids\u2019 Hearts<\/em> (Harvest House), released October 2021. You can find her\u2014\u201cThe Awkward Mom\u201d\u2014having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com<\/a>, and on Instagram @janelbreit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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