{"id":147528,"date":"2023-04-06T17:10:25","date_gmt":"2023-04-06T22:10:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=147528"},"modified":"2025-02-12T13:55:21","modified_gmt":"2025-02-12T18:55:21","slug":"spiritual-depression-ways-to-help-a-friend-through","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/equip\/spiritual-depression-ways-to-help-a-friend-through\/","title":{"rendered":"Spiritual Depression: Ways To Help a Friend Through"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My vehicle\u2019s headlights curved through a mountain pass as tears dripped onto my jeans. My husband had watched the kids while I stood absently in a used bookstore, seeing but not seeing the shelves. The conflict in my head was loud: a plunge into spiritual depression, catalyzed by an unwanted return from the mission field in Uganda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was hard to remember a more bewildered time with God. A time where I\u2019d strained harder to hear something. Anything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t have known it was only the beginning of nearly four years of spiritual regrouping. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Didn\u2019t the work I thought I was doing with God matter to Him? (Or was it only<\/em> my work that mattered to Him?) Why did I feel \u2026 benched? Where did I fit here beyond the ways I served people? Why couldn\u2019t I form meaningful connections with others? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sediment swirled in my heart around a mysterious God, beyond my grasp in ways holy, troubling, and outright painful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My husband, however, refused to be rattled by questions we couldn\u2019t answer. In a time ominous and turbulent, he both anchored and harbored me. <\/p>\n\n\n

Place your trust where trust belongs<\/h2>\n\n\n

My husband created a place where I could be emotionally \u201cnaked and unashamed\u201d<\/a> (Genesis 2:25), where questions became part of my worship, rather than me hiding them (see Job 13:15).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And like any wise, faith-filled friend, my husband trusted the Holy Spirit in me (see John 14:26<\/a>). Prayed for me. He believed wrestling would result in strength. He facilitated encouraging relationships and alone time where I could just be sad\u2014rather than \u201cdoing\u201d or appearing \u201cjust fine.\u201d Midwifing my grief, he sometimes just sat and shook his head about what wasn\u2019t right in this world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But he\u2019ll tell you: A friend or spouse\u2019s spiritual depression\u2014that spiritual disconnection or listlessness\u2014can be scary. It\u2019s easy to lack patience or belief in God\u2019s long game. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You fear for their soul, spiritual health, or maturity. You could be grieving hopes for your friendship. Your ally in the foxhole, a teammate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can cry out to God with such legitimate losses. \u201cWe do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you\u201d (2 Chronicles 20:12).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet rather than tenderly leading, compassionately listening, and calmly influencing, we may worry or manipulate. Distance can balloon between us amidst disparate spiritual paths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But ultimately, our trust can\u2019t be in our friends or ourselves\u2014including our ability to cajole, win back, be a good example, or serve up enough hope and truth. Even more, my soul wasn\u2019t my husband\u2019s, or any other friend\u2019s, to fix. Our friends are God\u2019s. He is their soul\u2019s gardener, who alone gives growth (1 Corinthians 3:6-7<\/a>). He\u2019s not alarmed by searching or even rebellion resulting from spiritual anger or disillusionment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Walking with someone we care about through hard questions or spiritual depression can rattle our world.<\/p>\n\n\n

Seek the \u2018\u2018whys\u2019\u2019 beneath their spiritual depression.<\/h2>\n\n\n

What do you understand about your friend\u2019s spiritual depression? Are they experiencing alienation, anger, loss?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until you truly comprehend what\u2019s broken, you could compound your friend\u2019s hurt or anger by attempting to fix symptoms<\/em>\u2014or blindness to what your friend is doing to pursue God, prevent their emotions from managing them, and keep moving forward. (None of us is the sum of our weaknesses.) Creating a safe place for your friend to get honest and heal is critical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust me. You want your friend to associate you with the solution for their spiritual depression. Not the problem. They will sense any underlying disrespect, manipulative agenda (\u201cYou\u2019re doing this so I\u2019ll be the friend you like again\u201d), or reactionary impulses (\u201cWhy aren\u2019t you doing your quiet time? How do you expect to get answers if you never show up?\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And your friend will shut down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You could start with questions like these:<\/p>\n\n\n\n