{"id":133268,"date":"2022-09-02T16:36:52","date_gmt":"2022-09-02T22:36:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=133268"},"modified":"2022-09-02T16:36:52","modified_gmt":"2022-09-02T22:36:52","slug":"being-a-new-dad-balancing-marriage-and-fatherhood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/essentials\/fathers\/being-a-new-dad-balancing-marriage-and-fatherhood\/","title":{"rendered":"Being a New Dad: Balancing Marriage and Fatherhood"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Have you ever tried drawing a perfect shape without a stencil? Whether it\u2019s a circle, square, or triangle, it\u2019s hard to freehand anything into a perfect shape. No matter our skill, experience, or even dedication, there will always be some degree of human error.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my wife surprised me and told me she was pregnant, I was excited about being a new dad. I was also determined to be better than the stereotypical dad I felt some statistics say an African American, 20-something like me would become. You know, the guy that has a low level of patience \u2026 is irresponsible \u2026 or leaves his family? I felt I had the love, dedication, and strong desire to draw a better outcome for my family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So there I was with my \u201cNo.1 Dad\u201d pencil, ready to freehand the shape of something I had never drawn or even seen up close. I called it: balancing marriage with being a new dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When being a new dad doesn\u2019t start like you thought it would<\/h2>\n\n\n

Two months into the pregnancy journey, we joyously\u2014but shockingly\u2014discovered we were having twins. That shook my attempt to draw what I planned for fatherhood. Then my wife was diagnosed with preeclampsia, and the doctors became concerned about the growth of our babies. We were overwhelmed with scans, varying opinions, and weekly visits. Every visit was not a good one and our emotions followed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At that point, it felt as though we were on a roller coaster. Doctors eventually put my wife on a month of bed rest, followed by a month in the hospital, and then a C-section delivery of our girls at 30 weeks, before topping it off with a three-month NICU journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like that, I plunged into being a new dad. I was ready to defy all stereotypical odds, but everything looked different from how I had imagined it. Such a stressful and tiring experience pulled at our connection as husband and wife, and such an irregular entry into parenthood challenged our confidence as parents. I still had the desire to be a great husband and dad, but I didn\u2019t understand the best way to draw the picture given our circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gather tools for robust parenting that echoes for generations with the Art of Parenting.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/p>\n\n\n

Finding balance<\/h2>\n\n\n

When we first brought the twins home, I wondered if my wife and I had forgotten about each other as our children became the focus. After a couple of passive-aggressive comments and expressions of annoyance, I retreated to crafting a routine and splitting roles to better handle the care of the twins and each other. I thought this would help us get the sleep we both needed, help the communication between us, and, in return, better our experience as a young married couple with twins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife agreed and helped create a routine we could follow:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. We shared a schedule of who would feed the twins and when.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. We made weekly menus for dinner and who would cook each day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. We scheduled who would give the twins a bath each night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. We agreed on who would do laundry, when, and how frequently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. We scheduled movie nights during times we knew the babies would be asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. We agreed on who would wake up each night when the babies cry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. We gave each other uninterrupted time with God each day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though this solved much with twins, it was like putting a Band-Aid over something that needed more attention. There was a deeper layer to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found being organized does not give us the persevering patience, kindness, and self-control needed in such a new season. Being organized helped, but I needed Jesus to lead my family in this new land we were in and to provide us with all we needed. With all the changes we\u2019d been faced with, it took more than an organized schedule to speak to my heart and balance marriage with being a new dad.<\/p>\n\n\n

Surrendering my hand<\/h2>\n\n\n

I thought I was doing everything right. I thought God would be proud! I led my wife and we had a schedule, we divided roles, and communicated. Despite all of that, I could still feel the tension and a lingering lack of patience with each other in our ability to adjust to this new season of parenthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflecting on the hard season we just went through with the girls\u2019 birth, God\u2019s Word reminded me:<\/p>\n\n\n