{"id":129586,"date":"2022-06-24T13:29:05","date_gmt":"2022-06-24T19:29:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=129586"},"modified":"2022-06-24T13:29:05","modified_gmt":"2022-06-24T19:29:05","slug":"after-an-abortion-5-ways-to-help-a-friend-whos-grieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/faith\/essentials-faith\/reaching-out\/after-an-abortion-5-ways-to-help-a-friend-whos-grieving\/","title":{"rendered":"After an Abortion: 5 Ways To Help a Friend Who\u2019s Grieving"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I was 17 when I had an abortion. I remember thinking, \u201cThis is the worst thing anyone has ever done. I can’t tell anyone about this.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The guilt, shame, and yearly bouts of depression on the estimated birthday of my unborn child were the rhythms of my life. There was nowhere to go to get away from who I was and what I had done. My body couldn\u2019t handle the stress my mind and soul were under. I experienced debilitating physical pain and sickness, and I couldn\u2019t be out of bed for more than five hours a day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After seeing multiple doctors, I began to realize the cause was not physical, but spiritual and emotional. It seemed the Lord was telling me to tell the truth about who I was and what I had done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One Sunday morning, I went to church and saw the pastor’s wife. I didn\u2019t know her very well, but I knew God was the only way out of the darkness and shame I lived, slept, and breathed in every day. I was afraid, but I was desperate for help. Forcing the words out of my mouth, I told her about the abortion I had five years earlier. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As she and her husband asked questions, I began to see the darkness of my heart. I wasn\u2019t sure what to do, but I knew I needed someone else to be in control and at the center of my life. I started at the top of my head and went down to my toes giving God every part of me.<\/p>\n\n\n

After an abortion: How to help a friend who\u2019s grieving<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n

That was the day I became a child of God. I started to understand why Jesus had to come to Earth. God knew our hearts were broken, bent, and sinful. Jesus was the only One who could live perfectly, so He came and lived perfectly for us. On the cross, Jesus paid the price of all<\/em> my sin\u2014but I didn\u2019t feel forgiven for the abortion. I couldn\u2019t get to the reality of freedom by myself. I needed trusted friends to help me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may know someone who is stuck. You also know God is a God of second chances and new beginnings. If a friend pulls back the curtain of their life enough to reveal the shame of their past, that may be God\u2019s invitation to you to help in their healing process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are five ways to help your friend after an abortion:<\/p>\n\n\n

1. Thank her for sharing her story after an abortion. <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n

Recognize the courage it took for your friend to be honest and open about the worst and most painful parts of her life. Sit in the pain of living in a fallen, broken world where we all live with regret and sorrow. Don\u2019t try to fix. Give her the gift of listening. Many times the power of sin is in the secret. Now that the secret is in the light, it may have already lost some of the power and pain.<\/p>\n\n\n

2. Respond with gentleness.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n

Too often, shame keeps people hiding. It’s the atmosphere of grace that creates a safe environment for real conversation. Validate her pain with empathy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve experienced many different responses as I\u2019ve shared my story. One of the sweetest responses was from a lady at church I didn\u2019t know very well. I was hurting so badly; I needed to take the chance and let someone in on what I was dealing with. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After listening to me share about my abortion, she got up, came across the room, and embraced me. I expected rejection, but instead, she drew me to herself and revealed the heart of God to me. We then joined a small group that met weekly. She didn\u2019t leave me to myself. Instead, she entered my world and helped me join a community of people who were seeking God.<\/p>\n\n\n

3. Ask good questions.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n

Help your friend see any lies she is believing and where she is struggling through the questions you ask. Here are a few I ask myself regularly:<\/p>\n\n\n