{"id":129170,"date":"2022-06-06T16:28:22","date_gmt":"2022-06-06T22:28:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=129170"},"modified":"2025-02-12T13:58:30","modified_gmt":"2025-02-12T18:58:30","slug":"recovering-from-domestic-abuse-becoming-the-person-god-designed-you-to-be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/life-issues\/challenges\/recovering-from-domestic-abuse-becoming-the-person-god-designed-you-to-be\/","title":{"rendered":"Recovering from Domestic Abuse: Becoming the Person God Designed You to Be"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Editor\u2019s note:<\/strong> While an abuser can be either male or female, more than 90% are male and approximately 85% of victims are female<\/em>1<\/sup><\/a>. For the purposes of this article, we are speaking primarily to women.<\/em> If there is any form of abuse in your marriage, separation is a necessary first step to protect the life of the abused and get both the abused and the abuser the help he or she needs. If you are in an abusive situation, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help making a plan. Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)<\/a> or visit https:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

This is the third article in a three-part series about domestic abuse. You can read Part One here<\/a> and Part Two here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

For most people, freeing yourself from domestic abuse leaves you physically and emotionally exhausted, barely able to function. Like the Israelites escaping Pharaoh\u2019s chains, abusers vindictively work to make sure the process of leaving is fraught with peril and plagues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you heal from being the target of abuse and reclaim your life to become the person God designed you to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As an attorney who helps women overcome domestic abuse, I tell each one of my clients to make healing her number one priority. When we do that, we seek God with all our heart, we come to know Him in ways we never had before, our relationship with Him becomes closer, His blessings flow over us, and we grow spiritually and emotionally. <\/p>\n\n\n

Recovering from domestic abuse<\/h2>\n\n\n

But the process isn\u2019t easy. The following are a few important steps in the journey of healing and going from victim to victorious.<\/p>\n\n\n

1. Recognize you were targeted because of your Christlike qualities. <\/h3>\n\n\n

Abusers target people who are kind, sweet, generous, giving, forgiving, agreeable, cooperative, patient, grounded in faith, and invest in relationships. They have all the good characteristics the abuser doesn\u2019t have\u2014which is why they were targeted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who have these traits should not try to change; these are delightful qualities we should cherish. However, in a relationship with an abuser, they will be exploited. The key is not to change these attributes, but to entrust your heart only to safe people who are worthy of such a gift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The one quality that targets of abuse lack is discernment\u2014the ability to recognize good from evil, truth from lies, good intentions from bad, and integrity from hypocrisy. Discernment is a sign of spiritual maturity, and it is honed through constant use (Hebrews 5:11-14<\/a>). We should not feel guilt or shame for being sucked into an abusive marriage\u2014after all, an abuser is a professional con man and pathological liar. Most of us are not trained to identify sociopaths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even within the church there has been some misconstruing of Scripture that led to incorrect teaching on \u201csubmission\u201d for women and what it means to be the \u201chead of the household\u201d for men. Faulty theology can be dangerous and hurts all involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For more on this, listen to \u201cWhat Submission Is (and Isn\u2019t)\u201d<\/a> and \u201cService and Submission\u201d<\/a> on FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n

2. Reject Satan\u2019s lies and replace them with Truth.<\/h3>\n\n\n

The author of Romans tells us to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds so that we can know God\u2019s perfect will for us (Romans 12:2<\/a>). So how does this happen? We must identify and reject every lie from Satan we have agreed with, replacing it with God\u2019s truth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are likely hundreds of lies we have believed about God, relationships, our abuser, and ourselves that we must attack, eject, and replace. Below are just a few of the most common lies, contrasted with the truth that sets us free.<\/p>\n\n\n