{"id":128744,"date":"2022-05-26T13:59:58","date_gmt":"2022-05-26T19:59:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=128744"},"modified":"2022-05-26T13:59:58","modified_gmt":"2022-05-26T19:59:58","slug":"being-in-an-opposites-attract-marriage-isnt-easy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/being-in-an-opposites-attract-marriage-isnt-easy\/","title":{"rendered":"Being in an \u2018Opposites Attract\u2019 Marriage Isn\u2019t Easy"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cAlright, it\u2019s Saturday!\u201d my husband said, clapping his hands together. \u201cTime to get stuff done!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I opened my eyes a crack and gave him a mix between an eye roll and a glare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see, my definition of a perfect Saturday is sleeping in. Waking up to my kids watching cartoons, allowing me to relish each sip of coffee. And of course, all of us still in our jammies at noon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My husband\u2019s definition of a perfect Saturday? Housework. Errands. Checking things off the to-do list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to see why our different perspectives<\/a> may cause some friction and head-butting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It didn\u2019t take us a long time to realize we were very different. While we were dating, Stuart held a 9-5 job at Huntington Bank. I worked for Cru High School<\/a>, where my job didn\u2019t begin until the school bell rang at 3 p.m. Stuart was an early bird; I was a night owl. My work with high schoolers allowed me to live my perfect schedule: work into the evening and then sleep in until 9 or 10 a.m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Find out why over 1.5 million couples have attended FamilyLife\u2019s Weekend to Remember.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But once we got married and our lives joined together, these schedules caused us to be passing ships in the night and day. And that wasn\u2019t the only place of friction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we said \u201cI do,\u201d those words brought with them subconscious expectations of what we each thought marriage would look like. And let me tell you, they were not the same picture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am a spender. Stuart is a saver. I like to eat out. Stuart likes home-cooked meals. (Saves money!) I like lazy Saturdays (see above). Stuart likes productive Saturdays. I like to read. Stuart likes to watch sports. And we both do NOT like the other activity. You can guess how much conflict this causes around March each year\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When opposites attract: differences can complement each other<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s taken Stuart and me a long time to learn how our differences can truly complement each other, giving our marriage well-rounded completeness. As a Type-A, task-oriented person, Stuart helps me stay on time and on task. He helps me stick to our budget. (Or he tries to at least.) He loves to fix things around our house, where I don\u2019t know how to fix squat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a Type-B, people-oriented person, I help Stuart relax, choosing to spend time with our boys over doing the dishes and giving people the benefit of the doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there are still times when we miscommunicate or don\u2019t see eye to eye. But we\u2019ve spent time and effort putting tools in our toolbelt to help us in those moments<\/a>. We\u2019ve been in and out of marriage counseling<\/a>, and we\u2019ve taken and processed through assessments such as CliftonStrengths\/CoreClarity, the Enneagram<\/a>, and Meyers-Briggs. This helps give us a dialect we can both understand in the moments we speak different languages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I need Stuart to \u201csit\u201d in an emotion, feeling, or hurt with me, he now knows how to do so. In the past, his immediate response would come from his strength of restoring broken things. He\u2019d want to tell me how to fix whatever it is I\u2019m feeling or experiencing. And while that isn\u2019t a wrong response, it\u2019s not what I need at the moment and leaves me feeling misunderstood and like a problem to be fixed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women tend to experience a lot of emotions and feelings, and I\u2019m definitely in that camp. I\u2019m thankful through counseling and processing together, Stuart has learned how to simply sit and listen when I need him to. Then, when I\u2019m ready to hear possible ideas for resolution, he\u2019s ready to share something he\u2019s really good at with me.<\/p>\n\n\n

How to make your differences work<\/h2>\n\n\n

Our marriage proves \u201copposites attract\u201d to be true, but it doesn\u2019t come easy. That saying should actually be: \u201cOpposites attract, and they also butt heads, disagree, and cause conflict. But with work, understanding, and humility, opposites can complement each other well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re in an \u201copposites attract\u201d marriage and experiencing more conflict than complementing, don\u2019t despair. You can still be opposites and have a loving, understanding, well-rounded marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask for help. Go to counseling. OVER-communicate. (That\u2019s literally a recommendation from our counselor!) Share your feelings instead of pointing the finger. Figure out ways to appreciate the differences in your spouse. Learn how to help instead of instruct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we can do it, you can too. Please don\u2019t go straight to the \u201cD\u201d word (divorce). Prove the statistics wrong. Differences aren\u2019t bad. They\u2019re just that: different. You fell in love and married a person different than you for a reason. Don\u2019t give up on those reasons. Work through them and fight for each other daily. I promise you it\u2019s not in vain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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