{"id":119561,"date":"2021-11-05T09:46:16","date_gmt":"2021-11-05T15:46:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=119561"},"modified":"2021-11-05T09:46:16","modified_gmt":"2021-11-05T15:46:16","slug":"can-i-teach-the-fruit-of-the-spirit-to-my-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/foundations\/character-development\/can-i-teach-the-fruit-of-the-spirit-to-my-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Can I Teach the Fruit of the Spirit to My Child?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

It started as a simple outing with my wife and 2-year-old daughter, but before long, a woman was in my face screaming, \u201cI\u2019m calling the cops on you!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My crime? Saying \u201cno\u201d to my daughter at a toy store and causing her to scream uncontrollably. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Full-bodied meltdowns are never enjoyable, especially when all eyes are on you and accusations fly. If only my daughter could have been more patient, had more self-control, or been able to have a joy not dependent on getting a toy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents everywhere long for well-behaved children.<\/a> We\u2019ll try almost anything to avoid such embarrassment. It\u2019s no wonder the fruit of the Spirit\u2014love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23<\/a>)\u2014are often taught in Sunday School.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But can we teach the fruit of the Spirit to our kids? Can the proper parenting techniques eliminate bad behavior?<\/p>\n\n\n

Outward behavior vs. heart transformation<\/h2>\n\n\n

There\u2019s no shortage of advice for getting your kids to behave. Some believe you need to lay down the law. Others embrace a \u201cfollow your heart\u201d method and trust that kids will eventually find their way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most parents use some combination of rewards, punishments, and outright trickery to get kids to do the right thing. With consistency and patience, it\u2019s possible to train a child to be polite, say please and thank you, and generally appear to be \u201cgood kids.\u201d But those are only outward behaviors. How do we ensure we are reaching their hearts? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re all sinful. Jeremiah 17:9 says, \u201cThe heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick.\u201d Yes, even the heart of a sweet 2-year-old. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Polite behavior can only mask the evil living within the human heart for so long. Eventually, our kids will face tough questions and temptations more powerful than rewards or punishments can dissuade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why not vape, have sex with your girlfriend, lie to get the job, or cheat on your taxes?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes life rewards bad behaviors and punishes good ones. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In those moments, being polite and appearing good won\u2019t be enough. Our kids need more than behavior modification; they need heart transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n

Can I teach the fruit of the Spirit?<\/h2>\n\n\n

When your child accepts Christ as their Savior and chooses to follow His ways, the Holy Spirit comes to live within them and they are given a new nature. Ezekiel 36 puts it this way: \u201cAnd I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh\u201d (verse 26).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In many ways, this makes our parenting techniques irrelevant. God is the one who gifts our children with His Spirit. As they learn to trust their heavenly Father, patience grows. When they understand God\u2019s forgiveness for their sins, kindness to others becomes easier. When they experience His acceptance, they no longer need to seek the approval of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When His Spirit lives in them, His character traits begin to leak out naturally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second Corinthians 5:17 says, \u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we want our kids to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, we need to help them have<\/em> the Spirit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This means we have to think long term. Instead of worrying about how to end the fight quickly and restore peace, we need to ask ourselves: What do our kids need to learn about God, His laws, their rebellion, their need for a Savior, and God\u2019s grace in this moment?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we keep these in mind, every conflict becomes an opportunity to plant a gospel seed. <\/p>\n\n\n

Indirect gospel moments<\/h2>\n\n\n

It\u2019s often said far more is caught than taught. Unfortunately, we can\u2019t always control what our children catch from us. Those little eyes are watching all the time. They can tell if our faith is authentic or if we\u2019re using it as a tool to keep them in line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 explains that parents should tell their children about God, \u201cwhen you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.\u201d Basically, at every opportunity. But it starts with, \u201cAnd these words that I command you today shall be on your heart\u201d (verse 6).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It must start with us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are we the same person in church that we are at home? What about when we face struggles, disappointments, or injustices? Will our kids see the fruit of the Spirit? Or the fruits of bitterness and anger? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our children are far more likely to trust God with their lives if they see us doing the same. So let them see you struggle. Let them hear you pray. Let them watch you obey God even when you don\u2019t want to. Don\u2019t worry so much about doing it right as about doing it real. Our kids will learn more from watching us handle failure than they will from any sermon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 

Get together with your friends and learn the Art of Parenting.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/p>\n\n\n

Direct gospel moments<\/h2>\n\n\n

If we really want to teach the fruit of the spirit to our kids, we must supplement those indirect gospel moments with direct conversations about (and with) God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One day, I sat on the edge of my son\u2019s bed and tried to figure out which way he was facing under the pile of blankets he was hiding in. He had been banished to his room long enough, and it was time to set him free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo you understand why you got in trouble?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUh-huh,\u201d the blanket replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s hard to control yourself when you get mad, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUh-huh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know. It\u2019s hard for me, too. But God can help you with that if you ask Him. Why don\u2019t you take a few minutes and talk to Him about it? When you\u2019re ready, you can join us again. We miss you downstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A gospel moment doesn\u2019t need to include a drawn-out Bible lesson; we only need to help our kids see their need for a savior. We point our kids toward God. He does the rest.<\/p>\n\n\n

Growing the fruit of the Spirit<\/h2>\n\n\n

Jesus told the disciples they would do \u201ceven more\u201d than He did while He walked the earth (John 14:12<\/a>).  Considering everything Jesus had done to that point, that was a tall order. But even though they were given gifts of boldness, healing, and preaching, they weren\u2019t made perfect overnight. They still needed to help each other grow into the likeness of Christ (see Galatians 2:11-21<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As parents, we play a critical role in helping our children mature in their faith. But we need to understand the difference between childish behavior and sinful rebellion. Sometimes our kids need to try harder. Other times we need to help them admit their inability to \u201cbe good\u201d and rely on Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My daughter is now old enough that I no longer worry about meltdowns in the toy store. If anything, I\u2019m probably the one more likely to cry on an extended shopping trip. But even though we\u2019ve worked hard to teach her a lot, I\u2019m still amazed when I see her displaying characteristics I know didn\u2019t come from us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I remember, she has another Father. And He\u2019s a much better teacher than me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t teach the fruit of the Spirit, but God can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carlos Santiago is a senior writer for FamilyLife and has written and contributed to numerous articles, e-books, and devotionals. He has a bachelor\u2019s degree in psychology and a master\u2019s degree in pastoral counseling. Carlos and his wife, Tanya, live in Orlando, Florida. You can learn more on their site, YourEverAfter.org.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Parents want their kids to have qualities like love, joy, and patience, but is it possible to teach the fruit of the Spirit? Where should we start?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":349,"featured_media":119906,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Parents want their kids to have qualities like love, joy, and patience, but is it possible to teach the fruit of the Spirit? Where should we start?","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3252],"class_list":["post-119561","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","cwp_profile-carlos-santiago"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2021\/11\/Can-I-Teach-the-Fruits-of-the-Spirit-to-My-Child_1040x326.jpg","spectra_custom_meta":{"_edit_last":["89"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw":["teach the fruit of the Spirit"],"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":["Parents want their kids to have qualities like love, joy, and patience, but is it possible to teach the fruit of the Spirit? Where should we start?"],"_yoast_wpseo_linkdex":["75"],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["90"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskeywords":["[]"],"_yoast_wpseo_keywordsynonyms":["[\"\"]"],"_yoast_wpseo_estimated-reading-time-minutes":["6"],"show_recent_3_posts":["0"],"_show_recent_3_posts":["field_5e5fe8fd0a35f"],"show_recent_3_podcasts":["0"],"_show_recent_3_podcasts":["field_5e5fe84cb04cb"],"alt_author":["a:1:{i:0;s:5:\"14479\";}"],"_alt_author":["field_5ac3df572642e"],"override_header":["0"],"_override_header":["field_5d9f5b011a6e0"],"header_post_type":["elementor_library"],"_header_post_type":["field_5d9f5ba898919"],"tracking_scripts":[""],"_tracking_scripts":["field_5db1a558c0a94"],"make_background_white":["0"],"_make_background_white":["field_5db1f6f6896fd"],"disable_top_header":["0"],"_disable_top_header":["field_5db74a47df831"],"override_footer_widgets":["0"],"_override_footer_widgets":["field_5e134c9512191"],"footer_widgets_post_type":["elementor_library"],"_footer_widgets_post_type":["field_5e0ef0bb482f3"],"header_sticky_on_mobile":["0"],"_header_sticky_on_mobile":["field_5e18a11219bac"],"show_locations_button_in_header":["0"],"_show_locations_button_in_header":["field_5e1cb1cabaad1"],"hide_social_media_buttons":["0"],"_hide_social_media_buttons":["field_5e1e3036c5657"],"signup_redirect":[""],"_signup_redirect":["field_5e74d18689717"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":["97"],"_wp_old_date":["2021-11-04"],"_thumbnail_id":["119906"],"selected_related_posts":["a:3:{i:0;s:6:\"118102\";i:1;s:6:\"118498\";i:2;s:6:\"117083\";}"],"_selected_related_posts":["field_5e5fe92b0a360"],"selected_related_podcast":["a:3:{i:0;s:6:\"118227\";i:1;s:6:\"118149\";i:2;s:6:\"114368\";}"],"_selected_related_podcast":["field_5e5fe887b04cc"],"_elementor_template_type":["wp-post"],"_elementor_version":["3.4.8"],"_elementor_pro_version":["3.4.1"],"_wp_page_template":["default"],"_elementor_page_settings":["a:1:{s:4:\"text\";s:5:\"Title\";}"],"_elementor_data":["[{\"id\":\"4a477b7f\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"premium_parallax_layers_list\":[],\"premium_gradient_colors_repeater\":[],\"premium_kenburns_repeater\":[],\"premium_lottie_repeater\":[],\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"e8c38fc\"}]},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"40b06a23\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"3b62298\"}],\"premium_parallax_layers_list\":[],\"premium_gradient_colors_repeater\":[],\"premium_kenburns_repeater\":[]},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"58ef191e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"\\n

It started as a simple outing with my wife and 2-year-old daughter, but before long, a woman was in my face screaming, \\u201cI\\u2019m calling the cops on you!\\u201d<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

My crime? Saying \\u201cno\\u201d to my daughter at a toy store and causing her to scream uncontrollably. <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Full-bodied meltdowns are never enjoyable, especially when all eyes are on you and accusations fly. If only my daughter could have been more patient, had more self-control, or been able to have a joy not dependent on getting a toy.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Parents everywhere long for well-behaved children.<\\\/a> We\\u2019ll try almost anything to avoid such embarrassment. It\\u2019s no wonder the fruit of the Spirit\\u2014love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23<\\\/a>)\\u2014are often taught in Sunday School.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

But can we teach the fruit of the Spirit to our kids? Can the proper parenting techniques eliminate bad behavior?<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n

Outward behavior vs. heart transformation<\\\/h2>\\n\\n\\n

There\\u2019s no shortage of advice for getting your kids to behave. Some believe you need to lay down the law. Others embrace a \\u201cfollow your heart\\u201d method and trust that kids will eventually find their way.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Most parents use some combination of rewards, punishments, and outright trickery to get kids to do the right thing. With consistency and patience, it\\u2019s possible to train a child to be polite, say please and thank you, and generally appear to be \\u201cgood kids.\\u201d But those are only outward behaviors. How do we ensure we are reaching their hearts? <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

We\\u2019re all sinful. Jeremiah 17:9 says, \\u201cThe heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick.\\u201d Yes, even the heart of a sweet 2-year-old. <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Polite behavior can only mask the evil living within the human heart for so long. Eventually, our kids will face tough questions and temptations more powerful than rewards or punishments can dissuade.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Why not vape, have sex with your girlfriend, lie to get the job, or cheat on your taxes?<\\\/em><\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Sometimes life rewards bad behaviors and punishes good ones. <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

In those moments, being polite and appearing good won\\u2019t be enough. Our kids need more than behavior modification; they need heart transformation.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n

Can I teach the fruit of the Spirit?<\\\/h2>\\n\\n\\n

When your child accepts Christ as their Savior and chooses to follow His ways, the Holy Spirit comes to live within them and they are given a new nature. Ezekiel 36 puts it this way: \\u201cAnd I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh\\u201d (verse 26).<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

In many ways, this makes our parenting techniques irrelevant. God is the one who gifts our children with His Spirit. As they learn to trust their heavenly Father, patience grows. When they understand God\\u2019s forgiveness for their sins, kindness to others becomes easier. When they experience His acceptance, they no longer need to seek the approval of others.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

When His Spirit lives in them, His character traits begin to leak out naturally.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Second Corinthians 5:17 says, \\u201cTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.\\u201d<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

If we want our kids to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, we need to help them have<\\\/em> the Spirit.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

This means we have to think long term. Instead of worrying about how to end the fight quickly and restore peace, we need to ask ourselves: What do our kids need to learn about God, His laws, their rebellion, their need for a Savior, and God\\u2019s grace in this moment?<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

When we keep these in mind, every conflict becomes an opportunity to plant a gospel seed. <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n

Indirect gospel moments<\\\/h2>\\n\\n\\n

It\\u2019s often said far more is caught than taught. Unfortunately, we can\\u2019t always control what our children catch from us. Those little eyes are watching all the time. They can tell if our faith is authentic or if we\\u2019re using it as a tool to keep them in line.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 explains that parents should tell their children about God, \\u201cwhen you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.\\u201d Basically, at every opportunity. But it starts with, \\u201cAnd these words that I command you today shall be on your heart\\u201d (verse 6).<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

It must start with us.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Are we the same person in church that we are at home? What about when we face struggles, disappointments, or injustices? Will our kids see the fruit of the Spirit? Or the fruits of bitterness and anger? <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Our children are far more likely to trust God with their lives if they see us doing the same. So let them see you struggle. Let them hear you pray. Let them watch you obey God even when you don\\u2019t want to. Don\\u2019t worry so much about doing it right as about doing it real. Our kids will learn more from watching us handle failure than they will from any sermon.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

 [fl-article-cta id=\\\"2\\\"]<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n

Direct gospel moments<\\\/h2>\\n\\n\\n

If we really want to teach the fruit of the spirit to our kids, we must supplement those indirect gospel moments with direct conversations about (and with) God.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

One day, I sat on the edge of my son\\u2019s bed and tried to figure out which way he was facing under the pile of blankets he was hiding in. He had been banished to his room long enough, and it was time to set him free.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

\\u201cDo you understand why you got in trouble?\\u201d I asked.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

\\u201cUh-huh,\\u201d the blanket replied.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

\\u201cIt\\u2019s hard to control yourself when you get mad, right?\\u201d<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

\\u201cUh-huh.\\u201d<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

\\u201cI know. It\\u2019s hard for me, too. But God can help you with that if you ask Him. Why don\\u2019t you take a few minutes and talk to Him about it? When you\\u2019re ready, you can join us again. We miss you downstairs.\\u201d<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

A gospel moment doesn\\u2019t need to include a drawn-out Bible lesson; we only need to help our kids see their need for a savior. We point our kids toward God. He does the rest.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n

Growing the fruit of the Spirit<\\\/h2>\\n\\n\\n

Jesus told the disciples they would do \\u201ceven more\\u201d than He did while He walked the earth (John 14:12<\\\/a>).\\u00a0 Considering everything Jesus had done to that point, that was a tall order. But even though they were given gifts of boldness, healing, and preaching, they weren\\u2019t made perfect overnight. They still needed to help each other grow into the likeness of Christ (see Galatians 2:11-21<\\\/a>).<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

As parents, we play a critical role in helping our children mature in their faith. But we need to understand the difference between childish behavior and sinful rebellion. Sometimes our kids need to try harder. Other times we need to help them admit their inability to \\u201cbe good\\u201d and rely on Christ.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

My daughter is now old enough that I no longer worry about meltdowns in the toy store. If anything, I\\u2019m probably the one more likely to cry on an extended shopping trip. But even though we\\u2019ve worked hard to teach her a lot, I\\u2019m still amazed when I see her displaying characteristics I know didn\\u2019t come from us. <\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Then I remember, she has another Father. And He\\u2019s a much better teacher than me.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

I can\\u2019t teach the fruit of the Spirit, but God can.<\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

\\n\\n\\n\\n

Copyright \\u00a9 2021 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\\\/em><\\\/p>\\n\\n\\n\\n

Carlos Santiago is a senior writer for FamilyLife and has written and contributed to numerous articles, e-books, and devotionals. He has a bachelor\\u2019s degree in psychology and a master\\u2019s degree in pastoral counseling. Carlos and his wife, Tanya, live in Orlando, Florida. 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