{"id":114522,"date":"2021-07-20T11:52:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-20T17:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=114522"},"modified":"2025-06-19T11:53:50","modified_gmt":"2025-06-19T15:53:50","slug":"in-this-home-we-embrace-our-differences-as-a-stepfamily","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/blended-family\/in-this-home-we-embrace-our-differences-as-a-stepfamily\/","title":{"rendered":"In This Home, We Embrace Our Differences as a Stepfamily"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I couldn\u2019t help but chuckle as I read our son\u2019s description of our family. I\u2019d come upon his elementary assignment while cleaning out closets for our move, and the title \u201cMy Family\u201d caught my attention. Nathan wrote,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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We are a family of seven. I have no full-blood brothers or sisters. I have a brother named Payton and three sisters named Jamie, Jodi, and Adrianne. Jamie and Jodi have the same mom as me but a different dad. Payton and Adrianne have the same dad as me but a different mom. Jamie and Jodi are stepsisters to Payton and Adrianne. My family is complicated, and few people understand us, but it\u2019s my family.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Now a young adult, Nathan no longer describes our family as complicated. He learned to embrace the differences in his sibling relationships. Love among stepsiblings and half-siblings and stepparents and stepchildren has grown to look and feel similar to what traditional families experience. But we will always carry a unique identity with stepfamily variables. My stepchildren call me by my first name. My daughters have a different last name than others in the family. We\u2019re not a first family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning to embrace our differences as a stepfamily<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In a blended family home, we don\u2019t always like to admit we\u2019re a stepfamily. It\u2019s easier to cover up the details than go into an explanation on divorce, stepchildren, loss, and brokenness. But when we try to hide our past, shame creeps in. Secrets set us up to fail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We might want to act or look like a traditional family, but we\u2019re not\u2014we never will be. We can\u2019t present that pretense to others. When we learn to embrace our differences and keep God at the helm of our family, we walk away from our shame and brokenness. We can hold our head high as a beloved child of God, unique in the beauty of our identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are three areas we\u2019ve learned to embrace our differences as a stepfamily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. We function differently as a married couple.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Our marriage began with four kids from the start. Years of nurturing a couple relationship with extended time alone didn\u2019t happen.<\/a> As a result, our coupleness suffered at times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We were pulled between allegiances to our kids and opposing views from life experiences. Tension showed up when relationship-building stalled because of our differences. But as years marched on, we discovered the value of offering compassion and understanding for the path each of us had walked. We opened our hearts to include experiences different than ours. And in time, we found our differences as a married couple didn\u2019t have to spell conflict, but rather a deeper understanding of one another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. We parent differently.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Traditional parenting doesn\u2019t happen in our home. Randy and I both brought two kids to our marriage and a former spouse. In the early years, co-parenting relationships carried combative dialogue and less-than-agreeable attitudes. Arguments quickly flared about the back-and-forth routine, communication with our exes, and the details of parenting Randy and I disagreed on. The struggle was real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, we surrendered to another way: God\u2019s way. His way included a flexible heart toward change, an open mind toward compromise as we sought unity in our parenting, and a resilience for circumstances that weren\u2019t easy. We accepted that disparity would continue to show up at times in our parenting and co-parenting interactions. But we could seek harmony in our relationships and \u201clive peaceably with all\u201d (Romans 12:18<\/a>) as we learned to embrace our differences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n