{"id":111760,"date":"2021-06-10T09:22:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-10T15:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=111760"},"modified":"2021-06-10T09:22:00","modified_gmt":"2021-06-10T15:22:00","slug":"5-tips-to-encourage-your-husband-as-a-stepdad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/blended-family\/stepparents\/5-tips-to-encourage-your-husband-as-a-stepdad\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Tips to Encourage Your Husband as a Stepdad"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I blinked back tears as our daughter\u2019s boyfriend nervously fiddled with a napkin. He then folded his hands and asked, \u201cWill you give your blessing for your daughter and me to marry?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jacob looked first at my husband and then at me before he unfolded his hands and waited for an answer. Silence followed. I wondered if you could hear the rapid thumping of my heartbeat. I looked to Randy for his reply. His glassy eyes told me his emotions were about to spill over as he carefully weighed his words.<\/p>\n

He breathed deeply before he answered. \u201cYes,\u201d he said as he locked eyes with Jacob. \u201cWe give you our blessing. Take good care of our daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Randy smiled and looked at me. Jamie was 5 when he became her stepdad. The bumps, curves, and potholes that followed would make any man want to retreat. Jamie will even tell you now, as a 30-year-old adult, she knows she was a difficult child to raise. Yet I\u2019m forever thankful Randy never backed down from the challenge.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t a perfect stepdad<\/a>. But he never quit trying. He got up when he fell down. He asked for help when he needed answers. He prayed. He struggled. He fought. He cried. He apologized. He forgave. He smiled with gritted teeth.<\/p>\n

And he impacted Jamie in a way no one else could.<\/p>\n

Encouraging your husband in his stepdad role<\/h2>\n

I wish I\u2019d done more to encourage Randy when our kids were in the nest. I was too quick to criticize when he parented differently than I did \u2026 too slow to thank him for the little things he did that spelled love to my girls every day.<\/p>\n

The stepdad role is hard. It often comes with heartache, confusion, grief, and loneliness. There are rewards along the way, but they might be years down the road.<\/p>\n

If there\u2019s a stepdad in your home parenting alongside you, he likely needs some encouragement. Here are a few ideas from a wife still figuring it out.<\/p>\n

1. Tell him he\u2019s loved and appreciated\u2014often.<\/h3>\n

The early years of stepfathering require large doses of humility, patience, and courage. Although he might do all the right things, love from his stepchildren isn\u2019t likely in the beginning. Love from his partner can help keep him going on days he wants to quit.<\/p>\n

Most stepdads enter marriage with a desire to make a difference in their stepkids\u2019 lives. Especially when the biological dad is unreliable or not in the picture, a stepdad discovers a natural tug to invest in their well-being. But a stepchild ultimately decides whether they\u2019ll open their heart to another dad. Variables outside the stepdad\u2019s control\u2014like influence from the biological dad or unresolved grief from loss\u2014can affect that decision.<\/p>\n

When we show love and appreciation for their efforts, it goes a long way. They need us to acknowledge their feelings and recognize their heart wounds. In doing so, we help their deflated soul find gas for an empty tank and hope for another day.<\/p>\n

2. Pray for him.<\/h3>\n

I know\u2014we talk about praying a lot, don\u2019t we? And when there\u2019s big stuff going on, we\u2019re more motivated to pray constantly, right (1 Thessalonians 5:17<\/a>)? But sometimes, the daily grind\u2019s the hardest. The rejection when he\u2019s doing his part to build a bridge, but the teenager just isn\u2019t interested. Or the inadequacy he feels when he can\u2019t provide financially as he\u2019d like to for his large family.<\/p>\n

Prayer helps. Prayer for wisdom in his stepdad role and courage to keep trying amidst rejection, lack of respect, or unmet expectations. Prayer for confidence in the workplace when someone else gets the promotion he wanted and deserved. And prayer for strength to lead as the head of his household, always chasing after the Lord with a hunger for God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n

3. Trust his heart toward your children.<\/h3>\n

Randy and I had a child together six years into our marriage. I easily and naturally trusted his heart for our son, Nathan. Even if I didn\u2019t agree with every parenting decision he made, I knew he loved our son and didn\u2019t question his actions.
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I didn\u2019t take the same position with my girls in our early years of marriage. As their stepdad, I looked at Randy with a skeptical eye. If he showed an impatient attitude toward Jamie or Jodi, I questioned his love for them. If his words carried a sarcastic bent or less-than-ideal tone, I saw it as uncaring or indifferent.<\/p>\n

One day, I contrasted the differences. After an act of disobedience, Randy disciplined our son. I never questioned his love or commitment toward Nathan because I trusted Randy\u2019s heart. I knew he cared deeply and wanted only what was best for our son. Then I thought about my girls. My behavior was different. Although Randy\u2019s heart was the same, I didn\u2019t let myself trust that he loved them and wanted only what was best for them.<\/p>\n

I asked God for the courage to let my guard down. Randy did <\/em>love my girls, and I could trust his heart toward them. I began to change my behavior and then watched Randy\u2019s confidence as a stepdad flourish. His relationship with his stepdaughters began to thrive. I realized my trust was exactly what he needed.<\/p>\n

4. Affirm his strengths.<\/h3>\n

Opposites attract \u2026 and then they clash, right? That can certainly be the case in marriage.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easier to recognize and affirm one another\u2019s strengths when they\u2019re similar to ours. But differences make life interesting! There\u2019s value in understanding and complementing each other\u2019s strengths in marriage, especially as a stepcouple.<\/p>\n

The stepdad role naturally comes with insecurity. I\u2019ve heard it compared to the feeling of being on a seesaw\u2014you\u2019re confident one moment, then deflated the next. Affirmations from a spouse can go a long way in combatting those insecurities.<\/p>\n

Consider your husband\u2019s strengths\u2014particularly those related to his stepdad role. Perhaps it\u2019s a steadfast spirit, a positive attitude, a peaceful demeanor, a sense of humor during tense moments, a drive toward godliness, patience with your kids, or an unusual zest for life.<\/p>\n

Your words are powerful! Encouraging comments help combat the insecurities he carries as a stepdad. And positive affirmations from Scripture remind him of God\u2019s strength. Here are a few to consider:<\/p>\n