{"id":111231,"date":"2021-06-03T06:19:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-03T12:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=111231"},"modified":"2021-06-03T06:19:00","modified_gmt":"2021-06-03T12:19:00","slug":"how-my-meltdown-saved-our-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/how-my-meltdown-saved-our-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How My Meltdown Saved Our Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

A few years ago, my husband, Stuart, and I began seeing a marriage counselor. You know the saying, \u201cThings will get worse before they get better\u201d? Well, this was definitely true for us.
\nDuring our counseling sessions<\/a>, we learned the importance of expressing our needs to each other and not having expectations the other person had no idea about. For example, Stuart needed some alone time apart from work, and I needed his help with our sons when he wasn\u2019t at work. Our boys were 3 and a half and 1 and a half at the time. For those of you who are parents, you know those ages combined are a LOT of work.
\nFor a while, expressing our needs had been helping our communication. Until one day when our needs were clearly in conflict.
\nAnd that\u2019s when I lost it.
\nStuart had asked to go fishing to get some alone time like we\u2019d discussed in counseling. I said yes because I wanted to give him what he needed. But when the day came and he began getting his fishing gear ready, reality dawned on me.
\nIt had probably been a draining and overwhelming day of parenting\u2014which, let\u2019s be honest, seemed to be most days. I melted down. Like full-on Wicked Witch of the West style.
\n\u201cI hate this! I can\u2019t give you what you need! You need alone time, and I just can\u2019t give it to you!\u201d I cried.
\nThankfully, he didn\u2019t react to my emotional outburst. He knew there was something bubbling under the surface we needed to figure out. Instead, he called his parents and asked them to take our boys for a couple of nights so we could have uninterrupted time to focus on our marriage.
\nWe spent the weekend talking, crying (mostly me), and just being us. Not as Mom and Dad, but as Jenn and Stuart.
\n

Captivate your kids with God\u2019s Word.<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div><\/p>\n

A cord of three strands<\/h2>\n

For about six months following that \u201cevent\u201d (sounds a little better than meltdown), Stuart\u2019s parents took our boys one weekend a month to give us time and space to intentionally work on our marriage.
\nWhen you have children, it puts a natural strain on your marriage. Kids are the best, and I\u2019m so glad we became parents. But it just changes the dynamics of your relationship with your spouse. And we were at a point where we needed help.
\nOthers came around us as well. My mom paid for a babysitter one morning a week so I could focus on work and myself. I could read my Bible without being interrupted. I could write, workout, or go grocery shopping. Alone.
\nEcclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)<\/a> says, \u201cThough one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.\u201d
\nAlthough our marriage was made up of three strands\u2014God, Stuart, and me\u2014we needed to care for it. Our cord was frayed by the realities of life: parenting, ministry work, and, of course, being the selfish human sinners we all are at our core.
\nGetting some alone time, whether individually or together, was healing for our marriage and our three-strand cord. (Although my dad would disagree, sometimes duct tape is not enough.)<\/p>\n

Preparing for the storms<\/h2>\n

We\u2019ve all heard, \u201cIt takes a village to raise a child.\u201d But I think it takes being in true community with others and communion with the Lord to not lose yourself in the busyness and trappings of life. Sometimes we just need to step back, pause, take a breath, and evaluate ourselves and our lives in order to keep everything from boiling over.
\nAlthough our parents don\u2019t pay for babysitters or take our boys for a weekend every month anymore, I\u2019m so thankful for that time. We needed it to reconnect with each other and the Lord. It helped us remember how important it is to continue dating each other. And that before we were a family of four, we were a family of two. And that relationship needs continual, tender, loving care to remain a strong foundation, able to withstand the storms of the world.
\n\u201cEveryone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it\u201d (Matthew 7:24-27).<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2021 Jenn Grandlienard. All rights reserved.<\/em>
\nJenn Grandlienard grew up an East Coast Philly girl, but now loves calling the Midwest her home. She lives in Xenia, Ohio with her husband, Stuart, two sons, Knox and Zeke, and pup, Crosby. Jenn and her husband work with Athletes in Action, a ministry of Cru that teaches college athletes what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. She loves to read, work out, laugh really hard with friends, and spend time with her husband and boys. You can check out her blog about all these things and more at OurGrandLife.com<\/a>. Find her on Instagram at @heyjenngrand and on Facebook.
\n 
\n #F18523_sb_container img {max-width:100%}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_table {border:0;margin:0;border-collapse:separate;table-layout:auto;background-color:inherit !important;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_page {margin:0;padding:0;width:100%;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_smartform td {display:table-cell;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_row td,tr:nth-of-type(even),tr:nth-of-type(odd) {padding-top:0.5em;padding-bottom:0.2em;line-height:1.7em;background-color:inherit!important;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_abovelabel, .F18523_sb_fbz_label, .F18523_sb_fbz_div, .F18523_sb_fbz_fieldtext, .F18523_sb_fbz_fieldlabeltext, .F18523_sb_fbz_err {border:0;padding:0.5em;font-size:16px;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_label, .F18523_sb_fbz_abovelabel {text-align:left;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_fieldtext, .F18523_sb_fbz_fieldlabeltext {padding-top:0.7em;padding-bottom:0.7em;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_fieldlabeltext {}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_title, .F18523_sb_fbz_title * {line-height:1.3em;padding:0.5em;text-align:center;border:0;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_err, .F18523_sb_fbz_invalid {padding:0.5em;margin:0.5em;color:red;border:3px solid red;background-color:rgba(255,255,255,0.5);font-weight:bold;display:none;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_invalid {color:#F80;border:3px solid #F80;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_palette, .F18523_sb_fbz_fielddef, .F18523_sb_fbz_input_container, .F18523_sb_fbz_input {padding:0.5em;line-height:1.7em;background-color:#ffffff!important;border:2px solid #006c5b;border-radius:4px;-moz-border-radius:4px;font-size:16px;margin-right:2px;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_input_container {border:0;padding-left:0;padding-top:0;padding-bottom:0;margin-right:6px;background-color:inherit!important;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_input {height:inherit;box-sizing:border-box;} .F18523_sb_fbz_input[type=”color”] {height:1.5em;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_button[type=”button”], .F18523_sb_fbz_button {padding:0.5em;line-height:1.7em;background:#f3bd48;background-color:#f3bd48!important;color:#24272a !important;border:1px solid #f3bd48;border-radius:20px;-moz-border-radius:20px;font-size:16px;padding:0.5em !important;text-align:center;margin:0;cursor:pointer;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_button[type=”button”]:hover, .F18523_sb_fbz_button:hover {background:#f9de88!important;transition: background-color 0.5s ease;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_button[type=”button”]:active, .F18523_sb_fbz_button:active {background:#eebd64!important;transition: background-color 0.5s ease;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_button[disabled=disabled], .F18523_sb_fbz_button[type=”button”]:disabled, .F18523_sb_fbz_button[type=”button”]:disabled:focus, .F18523_sb_fbz_button[disabled]:disabled,.F18523_sb_fbz_button[disabled],.F18523_sb_fbz_button:disabled,.F18523_sb_fbz_button:disabled:focus {opacity:0.5;transition: background-color 0.5s ease;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_footer {padding:0.5em;line-height:1.7em;font-size:16px;text-align:center;border:0;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_row:hover {background: rgba(251,248,231,0.5)!important;-o-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;-webkit-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;-moz-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;-ms-transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;transition: all 0.1s ease-in-out;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_row_nohover:hover {background:transparent;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_form {border:1px solid #ffffff;background-color:#fff;border-radius:1px;-moz-border-radius:1px;overflow:hidden;padding:0;line-height:1.3em;font-size:16px;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_form div {font-size:16px;line-height:1.3em;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_form tbody {border:0;padding:0;margin:0;font-size:16px;}
\n .F18523_sb_fbz_form td {border:0;margin:0;font-size:16px;}
\n @media only screen and (max-width: 420px) {.F18523_sb_fbz_label{display:none !important;padding:0 !important;} .F18523_sb_fbz_abovelabel{display:block;} .F18523_sb_fbz_tabcell {display:block!important;}}<\/p>\n\n\n
\n\n\n
\n Want to know when we have a new blog post? We\u2019ll send it right to your inbox!\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n\n<\/tr>\n\n
<\/td>\nName: \n <\/td>\n<\/td>\nYour email address:*<\/b>\n <\/td>\n\n \"Please<\/td>\n
Please enter all required fields \"Click
\n Correct invalid entries \"Click\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For a while, expressing our needs was helping our communication. Until the day those needs were clearly in conflict. That\u2019s when I lost it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":349,"featured_media":111609,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"For a while, expressing our needs was helping our communication. Until the day those needs were clearly in conflict. That\u2019s when I lost it.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2910],"tags":[2944],"equip-category":[],"cwp_profile":[3548],"class_list":["post-111231","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-challenges","tag-in-this-home","cwp_profile-jenn-grandlienard"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2021\/05\/How-My-Meltdown-Saved-Our-Marriage_1040x326.jpg","spectra_custom_meta":{"_edit_last":["89"],"_wp_page_template":["default"],"_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":["For a while, expressing our needs was helping our communication. Until the day those needs were clearly in conflict. That\u2019s when I lost it."],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["30"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskeywords":["[]"],"_yoast_wpseo_keywordsynonyms":["[\"\"]"],"show_recent_3_posts":["0"],"_show_recent_3_posts":["field_5e5fe8fd0a35f"],"show_recent_3_podcasts":["0"],"_show_recent_3_podcasts":["field_5e5fe84cb04cb"],"alt_author":["a:1:{i:0;s:5:\"49552\";}"],"_alt_author":["field_5ac3df572642e"],"override_header":["0"],"_override_header":["field_5d9f5b011a6e0"],"header_post_type":["elementor_library"],"_header_post_type":["field_5d9f5ba898919"],"tracking_scripts":[""],"_tracking_scripts":["field_5db1a558c0a94"],"make_background_white":["0"],"_make_background_white":["field_5db1f6f6896fd"],"disable_top_header":["0"],"_disable_top_header":["field_5db74a47df831"],"override_footer_widgets":["0"],"_override_footer_widgets":["field_5e134c9512191"],"footer_widgets_post_type":["elementor_library"],"_footer_widgets_post_type":["field_5e0ef0bb482f3"],"header_sticky_on_mobile":["0"],"_header_sticky_on_mobile":["field_5e18a11219bac"],"show_locations_button_in_header":["0"],"_show_locations_button_in_header":["field_5e1cb1cabaad1"],"hide_social_media_buttons":["0"],"_hide_social_media_buttons":["field_5e1e3036c5657"],"signup_redirect":[""],"_signup_redirect":["field_5e74d18689717"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":["74"],"_oasis_task_priority":["2normal"],"_oasis_is_in_workflow":["0"],"_thumbnail_id":["111609"],"selected_related_posts":["a:3:{i:0;s:6:\"105536\";i:1;s:6:\"105348\";i:2;s:6:\"101125\";}"],"_selected_related_posts":["field_5e5fe92b0a360"],"selected_related_podcast":["a:3:{i:0;s:5:\"90078\";i:1;s:6:\"110143\";i:2;s:6:\"109283\";}"],"_selected_related_podcast":["field_5e5fe887b04cc"],"_yoast_wpseo_estimated-reading-time-minutes":["6"],"_elementor_edit_mode":["builder"],"_elementor_template_type":["wp-post"],"_elementor_version":["3.4.4"],"_elementor_pro_version":["3.4.1"],"_elementor_page_settings":["a:1:{s:4:\"text\";s:5:\"Title\";}"],"_elementor_data":["[{\"id\":\"21395ffa\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"premium_parallax_layers_list\":[],\"premium_gradient_colors_repeater\":[],\"premium_kenburns_repeater\":[],\"premium_lottie_repeater\":[],\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"60b736d\"}]},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"5f9f6b9f\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"e23adc3\"}],\"premium_parallax_layers_list\":[],\"premium_gradient_colors_repeater\":[],\"premium_kenburns_repeater\":[]},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"10274be7\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"A few years ago, my husband, Stuart, and I began seeing a marriage counselor. You know the saying, \\u201cThings will get worse before they get better\\u201d? Well, this was definitely true for us.\\n\\nDuring our counseling sessions<\\\/a>, we learned the importance of expressing our needs to each other and not having expectations the other person had no idea about. For example, Stuart needed some alone time apart from work, and I needed his help with our sons when he wasn\\u2019t at work. Our boys were 3 and a half and 1 and a half at the time. For those of you who are parents, you know those ages combined are a LOT of work.\\n\\nFor a while, expressing our needs had been helping our communication. Until one day when our needs were clearly in conflict.\\n\\nAnd that\\u2019s when I lost it.\\n\\nStuart had asked to go fishing to get some alone time like we\\u2019d discussed in counseling. I said yes because I wanted to give him what he needed. But when the day came and he began getting his fishing gear ready, reality dawned on me.\\n\\nIt had probably been a draining and overwhelming day of parenting\\u2014which, let\\u2019s be honest, seemed to be most days. I melted down. Like full-on Wicked Witch of the West style.\\n\\n\\u201cI hate this! I can\\u2019t give you what you need! You need alone time, and I just can\\u2019t give it to you!\\u201d I cried.\\n\\nThankfully, he didn\\u2019t react to my emotional outburst. He knew there was something bubbling under the surface we needed to figure out. Instead, he called his parents and asked them to take our boys for a couple of nights so we could have uninterrupted time to focus on our marriage.\\n\\nWe spent the weekend talking, crying (mostly me), and just being us. Not as Mom and Dad, but as Jenn and Stuart.\\n\\n[fl-article-cta id=\\\"51\\\"]\\n

A cord of three strands<\\\/h2>\\nFor about six months following that \\u201cevent\\u201d (sounds a little better than meltdown), Stuart\\u2019s parents took our boys one weekend a month to give us time and space to intentionally work on our marriage.\\n\\nWhen you have children, it puts a natural strain on your marriage. Kids are the best, and I\\u2019m so glad we became parents. But it just changes the dynamics of your relationship with your spouse. And we were at a point where we needed help.\\n\\nOthers came around us as well. My mom paid for a babysitter one morning a week so I could focus on work and myself. I could read my Bible without being interrupted. I could write, workout, or go grocery shopping. Alone.\\n\\nEcclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)<\\\/a> says, \\u201cThough one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.\\u201d\\n\\nAlthough our marriage was made up of three strands\\u2014God, Stuart, and me\\u2014we needed to care for it. Our cord was frayed by the realities of life: parenting, ministry work, and, of course, being the selfish human sinners we all are at our core.\\n\\nGetting some alone time, whether individually or together, was healing for our marriage and our three-strand cord. (Although my dad would disagree, sometimes duct tape is not enough.)\\n

Preparing for the storms<\\\/h2>\\nWe\\u2019ve all heard, \\u201cIt takes a village to raise a child.\\u201d But I think it takes being in true community with others and communion with the Lord to not lose yourself in the busyness and trappings of life. Sometimes we just need to step back, pause, take a breath, and evaluate ourselves and our lives in order to keep everything from boiling over.\\n\\nAlthough our parents don\\u2019t pay for babysitters or take our boys for a weekend every month anymore, I\\u2019m so thankful for that time. We needed it to reconnect with each other and the Lord. It helped us remember how important it is to continue dating each other. And that before we were a family of four, we were a family of two. And that relationship needs continual, tender, loving care to remain a strong foundation, able to withstand the storms of the world.\\n\\n\\u201cEveryone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it\\u201d (Matthew 7:24-27).\\n\\n
\\n\\nCopyright \\u00a9 2021 Jenn Grandlienard. All rights reserved.<\\\/em>\\n\\nJenn Grandlienard grew up an East Coast Philly girl, but now loves calling the Midwest her home. She lives in Xenia, Ohio with her husband, Stuart, two sons, Knox and Zeke, and pup, Crosby. Jenn and her husband work with Athletes in Action, a ministry of Cru that teaches college athletes what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. She loves to read, work out, laugh really hard with friends, and spend time with her husband and boys. You can check out her blog about all these things and more at OurGrandLife.com<\\\/a>. Find her on Instagram at @heyjenngrand and on Facebook.\\n\\n \",\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"ecc8cd4\"}]},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"4ae7e184\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"premium_parallax_layers_list\":[],\"premium_gradient_colors_repeater\":[],\"premium_kenburns_repeater\":[],\"premium_lottie_repeater\":[],\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"8f2ef09\"}]},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b1c0525\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null,\"display_condition_list\":[{\"display_condition_login_status\":\"subscriber\",\"_id\":\"1bdc33c\"}],\"premium_parallax_layers_list\":[],\"premium_gradient_colors_repeater\":[],\"premium_kenburns_repeater\":[]},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"72bc2958\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"