{"id":102974,"date":"2020-10-29T08:27:06","date_gmt":"2020-10-29T14:27:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=102974"},"modified":"2020-10-29T08:27:06","modified_gmt":"2020-10-29T14:27:06","slug":"4-ways-to-stop-toxic-thoughts-during-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/holidays\/4-ways-to-stop-toxic-thoughts-during-the-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Ways to Stop Toxic Thoughts During the Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

The holidays are stressful. Schedules and to-do lists are packed, we see people we don\u2019t often see (like your cousin\u2019s father-in-law\u2019s nephew), and there\u2019s pressure to make everything magical for everyone. And while there are plenty of things vying for our mental and emotional attention, toxic thoughts don\u2019t need to be one of them.<\/p>\n

What do I mean by \u201ctoxic\u201d? These are distorted ways of perceiving reality. Let\u2019s look at some holiday hypotheticals, shall we?<\/p>\n

Mind reading:<\/strong> He didn\u2019t say anything about my gift, so he probably hates it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Fortune telling<\/strong>:<\/strong> Last year, the conversation got a bit tense. Things will probably be worse this year.<\/em><\/p>\n

All-or-nothing thinking<\/strong>: My Thanksgiving turkey is a little dry (not perfect), so my dinner party has failed.<\/em><\/p>\n

Labeling:<\/strong> I forgot Grandma\u2019<\/em>s gift, I<\/em>\u2019<\/em>m such a spaz. <\/em>Or, Look at little Charlie crying over ____, he\u2019s so spoiled. <\/em><\/p>\n

Shoulds\/Musts:<\/strong> I must get my Christmas cards early this year. <\/em>Or, H<\/em>e should watch what he says <\/em>so<\/em> I <\/em>don\u2019t<\/em> explode on him. <\/em><\/p>\n

Emotional reasoning:<\/strong> I feel overwhelmed so there must be something wrong with me. <\/em><\/p>\n

Stopping toxic thoughts in their tracks<\/h2>\n

For some of us, this kind of toxic self-talk and distorted thinking is so ingrained we can barely recognize it as such. It took me more than a year of learning to spot toxic thoughts with my counselor, and I am still doing the hard work of handling them when they arise.<\/p>\n

Times of stress and high expectations can exacerbate this for anyone. When we notice a critical attitude toward ourselves or others, chances are one or more of these distortions is happening. So what do we do?<\/p>\n

Here are four ways to stop toxic thoughts in their tracks this holiday season.<\/p>\n

1. Recognize the toxic thoughts.<\/h3>\n

Toxic thoughts and thinking patterns can be insidious. Often, it starts with some kernel of truth that gets distorted and turned into a weapon against ourselves or others. You (or someone else) make a mistake, or something out of anyone\u2019s control goes wrong\u2014then stress distorts the reality of mistake<\/em> to mortal sin<\/em>.<\/em> It sucks all the grace out of the room, when the reality is that grace abounds when stress abounds.<\/p>\n

The best time to learn to recognize these thoughts is outside of heated\/stressful moments. Think of a time when you became really frustrated with yourself or someone around you. Can you remember the way you talked to yourself? To the person you were upset with?<\/p>\n

Some of us use language for ourselves we would chasten our children for (stupid, idiot, failure), or we expect things of ourselves we would recognize as absurd if our friend said it out loud: I <\/em>should\u2019ve<\/em> expected there would be bad weather, a traffic jam, my phone battery would die, and my baby would need two changes of clothes instead of one. <\/em>In other words, I <\/em>should\u2019ve<\/em> been able to predict the future and perfectly anticipated every possible need.<\/em><\/p>\n

2. Replace toxic thoughts with helpful ones.<\/h3>\n

Recognizing toxic thoughts isn\u2019t enough. It\u2019s possible to recognize a toxic thought only to respond with more unhelpful thoughts: I called myself an idiot again, I really shouldn\u2019t do that. I\u2019m always such a jerk to myself. <\/em>You wind up heaping even more shame on yourself.<\/p>\n

Instead, be ready with gracious truths to replace the toxic thoughts: I\u2019m only human, I\u2019m doing the best I can<\/em>. Or rehearse God\u2019s lavish love for you: Nothing can separate me from the love of God <\/em>(see Romans 8:38-39<\/a>).<\/p>\n

One of my favorite \u201cbreath prayers<\/a>\u201d is \u201cI breathe in God\u2019s grace, I breathe out God\u2019s love.\u201d It helps me take the time to actually breathe<\/em>\u2014easier said than done when anxiety starts peaking. And it reminds me of the steady supply of grace available to me when loving feels tough.<\/p>\n

Grab your FREE FamilyLife Christmas Countdown! <\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

3. Re-imagine your expectations.<\/h3>\n

Often, toxic thought patterns surface during the holidays when we have unrealistic expectations. Before the holidays are fully upon us is a great time to evaluate those expectations. Are we expecting ourselves, our children, our parents, the ambiance, and the weather to be \u201cpractically perfect in every way\u201d? Or a dreadful disappointment?<\/p>\n

Identify these self-made demands and re-imagine the possibilities. Things might go wrong and (unfortunately?) we cannot control anyone but ourselves. But we get to choose how we respond to disappointments, mishaps, or hurts. They can be opportunities to marinate in self-pity, self-hatred, discontentment, and bitterness or<\/em> opportunities to receive (and extend) God\u2019s tender grace, forgiveness, comfort, and love.<\/p>\n

4. Return to your knees.<\/h3>\n

There\u2019s no use in sugar-coating it\u2014the holidays can be challenging. Some of our deepest pains, losses, and fears have a way of coming out of our careful hiding to be featured prominently like an ugly Christmas sweater.<\/p>\n

None of us want to wear that uncomfortable sweater. But we can wear our truest selves with God. It\u2019s His love, acceptance, and delight our souls crave at their deepest level.<\/p>\n

As you breathe in His grace this holiday season, offer your toxic thoughts to Him in prayer. There are years that loss, hurt, and frustration at the brokenness of the world appropriately take up space in our hearts and minds. That\u2019s alright. We don\u2019t need to magic our problems away.<\/p>\n

Even if the focus of our giving thanks this year winds up being solely that Jesus understands<\/em> our sorrows, isolation, being misunderstood, running up against the brokenness around us\u2014then may connecting with Him be a gift we are willing to receive this year.<\/p>\n

Fullness of joy is found in Jesus\u2019 presence, which follows us wherever we go, however we feel (see Psalm 16).<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s try it now, shall we?<\/p>\n

I breathe in God\u2019s grace (take a deep breath in), I breathe out God\u2019s love (exhale slowly).<\/p>\n

Rinse and repeat until January 2nd<\/sup>. Or until Heaven (which is when I will stop needing it).<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Laura Way serves with FamilyLife as a writer and lives in Orlando, Florida with her high-school-teaching-husband, Aubrey, and their two vibrant young daughters. She and Aubrey lived in East Asia for seven years until relocating last year. She enjoys writing about becoming more fully human while sojourning through different places, seasons of life, and terrains of mental and spiritual health at hopeforthesojourn.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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