{"id":102158,"date":"2020-10-02T10:20:57","date_gmt":"2020-10-02T16:20:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=102158"},"modified":"2020-10-02T10:20:57","modified_gmt":"2020-10-02T16:20:57","slug":"how-to-raise-a-boy-to-be-a-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/essentials\/raising-boys\/how-to-raise-a-boy-to-be-a-man\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Raise a Boy to be a Man"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My wife endured almost 25 hours of labor to deliver our daughter. So when she went into labor with our son, we thought we had plenty of time.<\/p>\n

We were wrong.<\/p>\n

A mere 30 minutes after making it through the hospital doors, I was holding my son. Suddenly, I felt like I needed more time to prepare. I had been a father for two years, but this felt different. I was now responsible for raising a boy to be a man. Yet I barely felt like a man myself.<\/p>\n

Looking at the innocent bundle in my arms, I could see my every fault, shortcoming, and sin reflected at me. Areas of my life I had long chosen to ignore hovered like clouds over my son, waiting to descend and contaminate his purity.<\/p>\n

I needed help.<\/p>\n

My son\u2019s birth set me on a quest to become the man God intended for me to be so that I might somehow guide my son to the same end. I\u2019ve made plenty of mistakes, but these are the lessons I’ve sought to teach him.<\/p>\n

If you are trying to raise a boy to be a man, I hope these principles help.<\/p>\n

Raise a boy who…<\/h2>\n

Fears the Lord<\/h3>\n

\u201cThe fear of the\u00a0Lord\u00a0is the beginning of wisdom,\u00a0and\u00a0the knowledge of the Holy One is insight\u201d (Proverbs 9:10).<\/p>\n

God is perfect, all-powerful, all-knowing, and omnipresent. The only appropriate posture in the face of such power is reverence, submission, and, yes, a healthy fear.<\/p>\n

We watched thunderstorms, looked at stars through a telescope, cells through a microscope, and felt the power of ocean waves. We marveled at creation and how big God must be. But God\u2019s power isn’t limited to nature. So I told him stories of God\u2019s work in my life, both big and small.<\/p>\n

Through it all, he learned God was not only powerful, but also good.<\/p>\n

Understands his heart<\/h3>\n

\u201cThe heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?\u201d (Jeremiah 17:9).<\/p>\n

Believe in yourself and listen to your heart<\/em> is the feel-good moral of children\u2019s stories. The problem is our hearts are inherently selfish. The man who tries to be the \u201cmaster of his own life\u201d is doing nothing more than making himself out to be a god.<\/p>\n

One of the most effective ways I can raise a boy who understands the wickedness in his own heart is to admit the wickedness in mine.<\/p>\n

After relaying a story of childhood mischief one evening, my son looked at me in horror, \u201cDad, how could you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought it would be fun,\u201d I said. \u201cBut God showed me I was wrong. Son, you\u2019re going to want to do bad things, too, but if you listen for God\u2019s voice, He\u2019ll help you choose the right thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Asks for help<\/h3>\n

\u201cBut he said to me,\u00a0\u2018My grace is sufficient for you, for\u00a0my power is made perfect in weakness.\u2019\u00a0Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that\u00a0the power of Christ may rest upon me\u201d (2 Corinthians 12:9).<\/p>\n

Men are famous for refusing to ask for help. Doing so is often seen, at least by other men, as a sign of weakness. We pride ourselves in being able to do it on our own. But the truth is \u2026 we need help.<\/p>\n

When our son was 9 years old, I started bringing him to my men\u2019s group at church. I wanted him to witness other men struggle, admit failure, and seek help from each other and God. When he realized even grown men need help, it became easier to ask for it himself.<\/p>\n

Controls his emotions<\/h3>\n

\u201cBe angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>and give no opportunity to the devil\u201d (Ephesians 4:26-27).<\/p>\n

Jesus wept (John 11:35<\/a>), felt compassion (Matthew 9:36<\/a>), and experienced anger (John 2:13-22<\/a>). Emotions in and of themselves are not sinful. But how we use them can be.<\/p>\n

One day, my son hit his sister because she took his sunglasses. To teach him his sister was more valuable than things, I ripped the sunglasses out of his hand and snapped them in half. He was devastated. And any lesson he might have learned was overshadowed by my own anger. Ultimately, I was the one who was forced to apologize.<\/p>\n

Respects authority<\/h3>\n

\u201cLet every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God\u201d (Romans 13:1).<\/p>\n

As much as I want to have a friendly relationship with my son, I\u2019m not his friend. I am his father. While it may be wise to share the reasoning behind my decisions, it shouldn\u2019t always be necessary. If my son can\u2019t learn to respect my positional authority and obey, he\u2019ll struggle to submit to authority later (teachers, bosses, police officers, etc.).<\/p>\n

But respecting authority doesn\u2019t mean passively accepting every command. Sometimes the authority we are under is unfair, and we must speak up. So we\u2019ve taught him to:<\/p>\n