{"id":102034,"date":"2020-09-24T12:51:33","date_gmt":"2020-09-24T18:51:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=102034"},"modified":"2020-09-24T12:51:33","modified_gmt":"2020-09-24T18:51:33","slug":"in-his-corner-32-ways-to-honor-your-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/staying-married\/wives\/in-his-corner-32-ways-to-honor-your-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"In His Corner: 32 Ways to Honor Your Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Given male-female relations in our society, suggestions to honor<\/em> your husband might lift eyebrows. It\u2019s far more acceptable for men to be pro-women\u2014or women to be pro-women!\u2014than sticking in his corner.<\/p>\n

But honor has been a jetpack for my marriage. It creates a growth-hungry biosphere for both<\/em> of us\u2014of graciousness. Cheering each other on. Courage. Vulnerability. Sacrifice.<\/p>\n

Where last night, as I was reading and massaging a kink in my neck, my husband said, \u201cHey, everything okay? Let me help you with that.\u201d<\/p>\n

In Tied Up in Knots: How Getting What We Want Made Women Miserable, <\/em>political analyst Andrea Tantaros argues,<\/p>\n

.\u2026Women are implicitly being told not to be kind, thoughtful, and nice to the men they love because doing so is supposedly just one step away from being barefoot and pregnant and watching Leave It to Beaver.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2026.If everybody is self-involved in their own happiness, then everyone is going to be unhappy because no one is going to be doing nice things for anyone.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In my own heart, honor brings to a nitty-gritty level the whole idea of loving as I want to be loved. In fact, the Bible speaks of honor like a contest: \u201cOutdo one another in showing honor\u201d (Romans 12:10).<\/p>\n

But for me, the kicker\u2019s in the verse before: \u201cLet love be genuine\u201d (verse 9).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s tougher than I thought. I\u2019m that Enneagram-two, natural \u201chelper.\u201d But without that love being from my heart? I\u2019ve seen my own attempts at honor end up jaded. Resentful. Manipulating to gain affection. Or a false shell that looks a bit like kindness.<\/p>\n

Honor propels us toward being the kind of women who act out what Jesus did\u2014loving us to the n<\/em>th degree when we deserved it least. (If you\u2019re thinking, My husband doesn\u2019t deserve respect<\/em>! Check this out.)<\/a><\/p>\n

Ready for the ideas?<\/p>\n

32 ways to honor your husband<\/h2>\n

1. Steer clear of words that tear him down.<\/h3>\n

In public, with friends, in front of the kids (see Ephesians 4:29<\/a>)? Save your explanations of what you don\u2019t agree with for private conversation. Let him know you\u2019re in his corner even in all those moments he\u2019s oh-so-human.<\/p>\n

2. Pick up something that shows you\u2019re thinking of him.<\/h3>\n

His fave drink from the coffee shop, a snack for tonight\u2019s movie, the items on his hardware-store list, something that reminds you of him or a great moment you had together.<\/p>\n

3. Do something generous.<\/h3>\n

Even when you\u2019re not feelin\u2019 it. Make him a sandwich. Rub his feet. Since the goal is to honor your husband, be okay with him not noticing or appreciating it.<\/p>\n

4. Verbalize your gratitude or praise sincerely and specifically.<\/h3>\n

Rather than gushing, this makes it easier to trust your words. Keep your eyes peeled for what he does right (if it helps, set a goal for how many to find each day).<\/p>\n

5. Respond to that pet peeve he\u2019s expressed.<\/h3>\n

Do it out of willingness rather than resentment.<\/p>\n

6. Let him pick the restaurant.<\/h3>\n

Or movie or weekend plans.<\/p>\n

7. In conflict, stay away from character assassination.<\/h3>\n

Nothing shows him you\u2019re in his corner like the two of you being against your problems\u2014not each other. It\u2019s fine to confront! Just do it in a way you\u2019d want someone to confront you\u2014giving reams of grace and gentleness.<\/p>\n

8. Keep a tight rein on your mouth.<\/h3>\n

Check out Ephesians 4:29 (again). If it doesn\u2019t build up, isn\u2019t the right time, isn\u2019t gracious? Nix it.<\/p>\n

9. Take care of yourself.<\/h3>\n

Eat healthy. Keep up a regular workout. Take a nap so you\u2019re not fried after dealing with the kids. Wear that top he likes. Y\u2019know, shave your legs and all that. But do it because it\u2019s your adult choice rather than to gain acceptance.<\/p>\n

10. Keep your voice even when he\u2019s asking for something unrealistic.<\/h3>\n

If he asks you to do something that demonstrates how much he doesn\u2019t \u201csee\u201d you, explain yourself calmly. No slammed cupboards necessary.<\/p>\n

11. Don\u2019t interrupt him.<\/h3>\n

12. Ask for what you need.<\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t just hope he\u2019ll suddenly acquire Wife ESP. Honor your husband by verbalizing and agreeing on expectations together rather than assuming he should just know.<\/em><\/p>\n

13. Be conscious of the \u201cword bucket\u201d levels.<\/h3>\n

If he\u2019s less verbal<\/a>, create space after he\u2019s done working for the day to allow his communication capacity to regain equilibrium.<\/p>\n

14. In conversation, help him shine.<\/h3>\n

Neither of you needs to dominate verbally.<\/p>\n

15. Don\u2019t nag.<\/h3>\n

When you\u2019re both in a relaxed place, decide at what point it will be easier for both you to hire someone for that honey-do list. Honor your husband with your patience and teamwork rather than (cough<\/em>) nagging.<\/p>\n

16. Use your strengths (like administration or creativity) to set him up for success.<\/h3>\n

Rather than goading him about time with the kids, for example, ask him what kind of activities he\u2019d like to do and how you can help him make those a reality without being part of the problem.<\/p>\n

17. Before unloading about your day, ask about his.<\/h3>\n

If he\u2019s not in a great state of mind, at times it’s okay temper your conversation accordingly (as long as withholding doesn’t become the norm; God longs for our marriages to be “naked and unashamed” emotionally, too [Genesis 2:25<\/a>]). This is a great way to come to him with a less-entitled attitude regarding your emotional needs. Every once in a while, you might call a friend instead.<\/p>\n

Receive more encouraging content like this delivered to your inbox!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

18. Ask about what\u2019s important to him at work.<\/h3>\n

The big meeting you were praying for, the project he\u2019s invested in, the relationship that\u2019s strained.<\/p>\n

19. Show him the respect of asking him first.<\/h3>\n

Thinking about making a decision for your husband or going around him? Instead, say, \u201cHey, I know that before you haven\u2019t liked this kind of thing, but I wanted to at least give you the opportunity to say \u2018no\u2019 rather than going around you.\u201d<\/p>\n

20. Be confident.<\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t just opt for passivity or acquiesce to others.<\/p>\n

21. Follow through even when he\u2019s not there.<\/h3>\n

Provided you\u2019re in a safe relationship, if he\u2019s asked you not to do something (overspend, talk negatively to your friends, give in to the kids), don\u2019t do it. From the heart.<\/p>\n

22. Protect your schedule and energy.<\/h3>\n

A wife not burned out (and cranky)? Priceless.<\/p>\n

23. Honor your husband by doing that little thing he loves.<\/h3>\n

Parking straight. Leaving the car full of gas. Washing the toothpaste out of the sink. Making that steak dish. Taking out the trash (even if it\u2019s his job).<\/p>\n

24. If he slips up in conversation with others, help him rescue things.<\/h3>\n

Do it without anyone noticing. If he slips up in personal conversation with you, overlook if it\u2019s not a big deal. Be kind if it is.<\/p>\n

25. Don\u2019t try to manipulate a \u201cyes\u201d or control things behind his back.<\/h3>\n

When he says no to something, accept his agency and personhood.<\/p>\n

26. Let him know you\u2019re in his corner by saying thank you.<\/h3>\n

Often\u2014for the big stuff and the little stuff.<\/p>\n

27. Realize how sex addresses emotional needs at his core.<\/h3>\n

Refrain from rolling your eyes about his sexuality or treating sex as a have-to. Don\u2019t let it become rote, just physical, or nonexistent.<\/p>\n

Address life\u2019s libido-sucking \u201cnoise\u201d\u2014the overpacked schedule, the lack of self-care, the smartphone, the laundry that could stand to stay unfolded. And start nurturing your own sexuality as an act of love for him.<\/p>\n

Check out FamilyLife\u2019s Married With Benefits<\/em> podcast episode, \u201cWhy Is He So Interested in Sex?\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

28. Help him find responsible, classy solutions to conflict.<\/h3>\n

Without fueling the fire, if he\u2019s in a tough situation at work,<\/strong> affirm his dignity, competence, and ability to handle things with holiness.<\/p>\n

29. Rather than pushing and making plans, get his agreement.<\/h3>\n

Be his shield. Help celebrate his boundaries when you can, rather than insisting on yours.<\/p>\n

30. Doormat \u2260 honoring wife.<\/h3>\n

God\u2019s command to submit (Ephesians 5:22) is no excuse for passivity which may leave us angry (even when we deny it), cold, resigned, hurting, bitter, or insecure.<\/p>\n

To honor your husband is to bring the full image of God in you to him, so your voice shapes him into the man God created him to be, too.<\/p>\n

31. Let him know you desire him.<\/h3>\n

When sex is an obligation, statistically, 97% of men would rather not engage!<\/a> If that\u2019s tough for you, get intentional about setting up connection time beforehand.<\/p>\n

32. Give him the respect of withholding assumptions.<\/h3>\n

When you think he\u2019s done something wrong, ask, \u201cHey, when you did __, it felt like you were ___. But I wanted to suspend making that call until I had a chance to ask what was going on. Can you help me understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

Obviously having good reasons doesn\u2019t always mean someone\u2019s off the hook. Honor your husband by avoiding snap judgments (just like you\u2019d want him to make about you).<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2020 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity\u00ae, Art of Parenting\u00ae, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills for Work-in-Progress Families<\/em> (Harvest House), releases October 2021. You can find her\u2014\u201cThe Awkward Mom\u201d\u2014having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com, and on Instagram @janelbreit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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