{"id":100081,"date":"2020-06-25T12:50:51","date_gmt":"2020-06-25T18:50:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/?p=100081"},"modified":"2020-06-25T12:50:51","modified_gmt":"2020-06-25T18:50:51","slug":"the-cost-of-raising-a-child-how-to-tell-kids-we-cant-afford-that","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/marriage\/marriage-challenges\/finances\/the-cost-of-raising-a-child-how-to-tell-kids-we-cant-afford-that\/","title":{"rendered":"The Cost of Raising a Child: How to Tell Kids, \u2018We Can’t Afford That\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

You\u2019re not alone. With 30 million Americans recently filing unemployment,<\/a> many of us feel our financial situations closing in like a vise. Now, more than ever, we feel it: The cost of raising a child is high. And many kids in America might not be used to hearing some version of \u201cWe can\u2019t afford that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yet kids don\u2019t need a Spidey sense to pick up on financial uncertainty. A friend of mine recently listened to the breathy whispers of her elementary-aged daughters one evening. The next morning, the two came out with it.<\/p>\n

Turns out the girls had overheard my friend and her husband\u2019s household budget talks the night before, including the added expense of private school.<\/p>\n

Her oldest asked, \u201cWill we still go to our school next year?\u201d<\/p>\n

When the cost of raising a child equals a tough financial situation<\/h2>\n

When expecting our first, my husband and I wandered into a piled-to-the-rafters Babies \u2018R\u2019 Us.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did Adam and Eve do this?\u201d I wondered aloud, hand on belly. That question alone reminded me the cost of raising a child in America has become increasingly complicated. We may not actually need cereal bowls with built-in straws. Motorized toothbrushes. A walker shaped like a Jeep.<\/p>\n

But even when sorting through wants vs. needs\u2014a differentiation many of us are now performing anew\u2014the power of comparison can feel overwhelming. Especially when your child is comparing their own former times to a new, stretched-thin reality: \u201cWhy can\u2019t I go to summer camp this year?\u201d<\/p>\n

Or \u201cWhy are we buying shoes at a thrift store?\u201d<\/p>\n

Behind what our kids can see, many of us are first attempting to tend to what financial expert Rachel Cruze<\/a> calls our \u201cfour walls\u201d: Food. Shelter. Utilities. Transportation. And that\u2019s before we pay MasterCard.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re attempting to make wise decisions amidst serious stress\u2014and that, Cruze observes, can lead to regret. Fear is a terrible financial adviser, she reminds us.<\/p>\n

So before responding to that tween tugging on your sleeve to see the next Marvel movie as soon as theaters reopen\u2014first, sit down for some thoughtful budgeting and financial planning with your spouse. <\/strong><\/p>\n

And then remember the five tips below.<\/p>\n

1. Your child takes their cues from you.<\/h3>\n

It took a gentle nudge from my husband for me to realize that, like a thermostat, I have the power to set the tone in our home through my own reactions. Maybe it\u2019s not unlike adults watching the news: When we see leaders scrambling, we know something\u2019s up.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not to say, Project an image of total calm when you\u2019re stressed\u2014in short, lie. <\/em>It\u2019s highly likely your kids will face their own painful financial situation one day. This is a chance to model trust and wise planning.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay to calmly inform kids with an age-appropriate version of, Money is a little tighter right now. We\u2019re trusting God to provide for us like He always has. <\/em>(Give examples here.) But we\u2019re working to make wise decisions. <\/em><\/p>\n

2. Help kids see budgeting as a family project.<\/h3>\n

No, kids may not need to know what you make every year. And they don\u2019t need to be chomping their fingernails over the grocery receipt or whether you can all afford haircuts.<\/p>\n

But budgeting can be a family mission.<\/p>\n

Recently, my husband explained to our kids that our grocery budget was tipping beyond what felt wise. We have preteens and teenagers, so he explained they may have a few less processed snacks in the cupboard, and we wouldn\u2019t be purchasing pizza as often.<\/p>\n

We were pleasantly surprised to see that the kids didn\u2019t blink an eye when I brought home less of a carload from Costco.<\/p>\n

Let the kids brainstorm ideas for your family to save and make smart choices for your financial situation. You might even be able to set their mind at ease: No, we won\u2019t need to give up having lunch.<\/em><\/p>\n

Grab our new online course on Financial Freedom for Couples!<\/i><\/span> <\/a> <\/div> <\/div>\n

3. Leverage a bit of money wisdom toward your kids\u2019 future.<\/h3>\n

So explain to kids that you\u2019re strategizing to make smart money choices. Explain that budgeting is like a \u201cmoney plan.\u201d Talk about simple versions of concepts they need to know: saving, generosity, emergency funds, and child-friendly ideas of not spending more than you earn.<\/p>\n

You could even throw in some biblical explanations for how you\u2019ll make decisions:<\/p>\n

The Bible talks a lot about planning wisely. So your mom and I are making a money plan, called a budget, so we spend money only in the best places. That means we might not get to do as many of the fun things, but our money will go to the wisest stuff, like paying for our apartment, instead.<\/em><\/p>\n

Or:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to us to stay out of debt\u2014that\u2019s money we owe someone. The Bible talks about how the person who borrows has to keep serving the person they owe money to <\/em>[see Proverbs 22:7]. It takes a lot of extra work to pay back money you borrow, because you pay extra money (interest) to borrow it. So that means we might choose not to do that family vacay this year so we don\u2019t have to rely on debt for buying things like groceries. <\/em><\/p>\n

Instead of just telling our kids, \u201cWe can\u2019t afford that,\u201d we aim to communicate, \u201cI know this is important to you! But we have some more important priorities right now.\u201d Because often, if we formed other budgeting priorities (i.e., not<\/em> paying the mortgage), technically<\/em> we could afford other things.<\/p>\n

4. Keep perspective on money struggles.<\/h3>\n

Sure, kids in America might not be used to simpler meals, getting nothing for themselves at Target, or skipping going out to eat.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s genuine loss to be had\u2014genuine pain our kids will feel as their normal shifts, as a certain brand of wonderful memories and pleasures will be foregone.<\/p>\n

But allow me to shed a small amount of global perspective. COVID-19 is predicted to throw nearly half a billion of the world\u2019s population into extreme poverty\u2014living on less than $1.90 per day\u2014setting back the eradication of poverty one to three decades.<\/p>\n

Yes, it will be tough for our kids to wear old clothes longer, to say no to elite sports. But our children will eat. They will have shelter and education much of the world would envy.<\/p>\n

5. Remember simplicity can be great for kids.<\/h3>\n

As we shave our budgets, our kids will grow in the gifts of resilience, perseverance, and simplicity.<\/p>\n

Because despite the pervasive cultural norm that more things and experiences equal more happiness for our children\u2014what if less for our kids could be more?<\/p>\n

Lifestyles of greater simplicity could actually snip our kids\u2019 ties to materialism and finding their identity or life satisfaction in what they have. That lifestyle could grant us more time to spend with our kids. Hand them the gift of hard work rather than entitlement. Release us all from cravings that manipulate us.<\/p>\n

Our kids’ challenges have always held the hidden treasures of stamina, of overcoming.<\/p>\n

Is it possible that, though the cost of raising a child is high, the possibilities of a slimmer budget could prepare your kids for a more resilient, stronger future?<\/p>\n

\n

Copyright \u00a9 2020 Janel Breitenstein. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n

Janel Breitenstein is an author, freelance writer, speaker, and frequent contributor for FamilyLife, including Passport2Identity\u00ae, Art of Parenting\u00ae, and regular articles. After five and a half years in East Africa, her family of six has returned to Colorado, where they continue to work on behalf of the poor with Engineering Ministries International. Her book, Permanent Markers: Spiritual Life Skills for Work-in-Progress Families<\/em> (Zondervan), releases March 2021. You can find her\u2014\u201cThe Awkward Mom\u201d\u2014having uncomfortable, important conversations at JanelBreitenstein.com<\/a>, and on Instagram @janelbreit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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