{"id":318688,"date":"2026-10-09T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-10-09T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts\/"},"modified":"2026-10-09T06:29:24","modified_gmt":"2026-10-09T10:29:24","slug":"stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Waiting Till the House Is Clean: Don Everts"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>There are shoes by the door, dishes in the sink, and absolutely nowhere for company to sit. Invite people over anyway? Don Everts\u2019 research suggests faith at home may grow in a surprisingly crowded house. He joins Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today to explore what happens when we quit treating home as our family\u2019s bunker\u2014and make room for people who aren\u2019t already inside it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dishes in the sink? Invite them anyway. Don Everts joins Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today to talk about why an open door matters when building faith at home. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/32fdab08-d100-45a3-b3dc-b4d600163441\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2095],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11566],"cwp_profile":[9787],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-318688","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","podcast_series-what-makes-faith-stick-at-home-don-everts","cwp_profile-don-everts","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/318688\/stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/318688\/stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"dwz3nqCmnV\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts\/\">Stop Waiting Till the House Is Clean: Don Everts<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-waiting-till-the-house-is-clean-don-everts\/embed\/#?secret=dwz3nqCmnV\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stop Waiting Till the House Is Clean: Don Everts&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"dwz3nqCmnV\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! 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Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nStop Waiting Till the House Is Clean: Don Everts\r\n\r\nGuest:Don Everts\r\n\r\nFrom the series:What Makes Faith Stick at Home? Don Everts (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:October 9, 2026\r\n\r\nDon (00:04):\r\n\r\nBe hospitable, that part of a life well lived and part of being His people is where you love the stranger, love the alien, be hospitable. The New Testament word, the Greek word for show hospitality is philoxenia, which means love of the stranger.\r\n\r\nDave (00:28):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:34):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nSo over the years, we've probably had quite a few people live with us in and out. How's that been for you?\r\n\r\nDave (00:55):\r\n\r\nYou had to bring that up. You're laughing because\u2014tell the listener why you're laughing. Go ahead. I'll just let you express this.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:02):\r\n\r\nI wanted you to express it.\r\n\r\nDave (01:05):\r\n\r\nWell, it was always a wonderful thing to invite somebody. They usually lived in our basement that we finished and had their own living space. But after a period of time, I got a little frustrated. Let's just say that.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:18):\r\n\r\nWhy is that?\r\n\r\nDave (01:20):\r\n\r\nIt cramped my life. Yeah. And it's a bad way to introduce a topic that we're going to encourage listeners to do, but we've got Don Everts back with us. Don, you're a pastor, you're a dad, you've written this book on research and how to develop spiritually vibrant homes. So first of all, let me say we love the last two days having you on here. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDon (01:43):\r\n\r\nGreat to be with you. Likewise. It's fun to think about these things together.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:46):\r\n\r\nIt is.\r\n\r\nDave (01:46):\r\n\r\nYeah. And one of the reasons obviously we're bringing this up and you can remind our listeners, but as you studied spiritually vibrant homes and homes to say, what were the commonalities that made them spiritually vibrant? You found three things, Messy Prayers, you call them, Loud Tables. We've already talked about those two. And if you don't know what those words mean, then we're not going to tell you. You go listen. And trust me, those two conversations are going to change your life. But then the third one I didn't see coming. Open Doors is what you call it. It's sort of a little bit what we're talking about but explain what that means.\r\n\r\nDon (02:21):\r\n\r\nYeah, we didn't see it coming either. When you do research like this, you go in with some hypotheses. We think we're going to find this. We did not think we would find that one of the commonalities that corresponds with more vibrant faith is that households extend hospitality, that there are people in and out of their household on a regular basis every month.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:43):\r\n\r\nSome people just said, \"Oh no.\"\r\n\r\nDon (02:45):\r\n\r\nI know, I know, I know. And there are going to be some people, because I'm about to get crazy excited about hospitality. So let me just qualify it by saying sometimes a household is not in a place, a healthy enough place\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (02:59):\r\n\r\nYeah, that\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDon (02:59):\r\n\r\n\u2014to throw open the door. Sometimes there's dysfunction in a home and that's what you need to focus on and all that.\r\n\r\nDave (03:06):\r\n\r\nAnd it also doesn't mean you have to come and live in our basement. \r\n\r\nDon (03:08):\r\n\r\nExactly. Exactly. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nYeah, that's true. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nExactly. And there are levels of how wide you can crack the door, you can open a little wider, or you can just take the door off the hinges. So there's different ways people can do it. So I just want to qualify that.\r\n\r\nAnn (03:20):\r\n\r\nAnd at the same time we're saying your house doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be the perfect house with the perfect decor, with the perfect meal.\r\n\r\nDon (03:29):\r\n\r\nThat's right. That's right. This was the surprising one, friends. This was surprising. Now, it made us go back into the Scriptures and then we repented and said we should not have been surprised about this because it turns out God knows what He's talking about and He calls His people, Old Testament and New Testament to be hospitable; that part of a life well lived and part of being His people is where you extend hospitality. So we shouldn't have been surprised. We were. And what the research told us is that the more you have people in and out of your household, the more vibrant the faith is of the people living there. And it's not necessarily that you have Christians coming in and out of your household. It could be non-Christians who are coming in. It could be people who are coming in because they're a tutor and you could be paying them to come in and tutor a kid or it could be grandparents coming in.\r\n\r\n(04:21):\r\n\r\nIt could be boyfriends and girlfriends. The more open your door is, the more hospitality there is, the more vibrant the faith is. And what shocked me in this, because the researchers at Barna, they never talk about causality. They'll never say A causes B. They just say there's a correlation between A and B. This one, they talk different. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nReally? Why? \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nThis one, because they said it causes it. There's something about having more people in and out of your household that actually doesn't just correspond with, but it affects and increases faith formation.\r\n\r\nDave (04:54):\r\n\r\nOkay. So what is it? I mean, what is it about having people in and out?\r\n\r\nDon (04:57):\r\n\r\nWell, that they don't know. They don't know that.\r\n\r\nDave (04:59):\r\n\r\nWell, you know, what would you say?\r\n\r\nDon (05:00):\r\n\r\nWell, I have my thoughts. I have my theories about it. So here's an interesting thing. One of the things that they found is there's something about the dynamics of a household that has people in and out of it all the time, right? Where sometimes the effect is, say you have a strong Christian from church who's coming over and they're having a great influence on your family, but maybe you have someone needy or non-Christian who's coming in, but you're still navigating them as a household. You're living out your faith and your relationships in a way that your whole household is seeing that and being a part of that together. And so the world coming in and hanging out and you as a household navigating that and your kids watching you do that, that grows your faith.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:43):\r\n\r\nIt's so interesting because we can feel like in this culture, we need to protect our family. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. Absolutely.\r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nWe need to have us under the roof, put up the walls, protect us, especially with non-Christians. This doesn't even mean Christians. This means just your door is open and people are coming in.\r\n\r\nDon (06:02):\r\n\r\nIt's interesting. So in the New Testament, it turns out we're called again and again, and in the Old Testament, love the stranger, love the alien, be hospitable. The New Testament word, the Greek word for show hospitality is philoxenia, which means love of the stranger. And I would say xenophobia, fear of the stranger is more what we can be tempted by. And I'm going to close off my kids. I'm going to close off my household from the evil world out there. And I'm not saying don't be mindful obviously about how you interact with culture. That's not what I'm saying, but what the research says is that the more insular a household is, the more there's a risk factor for not having vibrant faith.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:45):\r\n\r\nThat's amazing.\r\n\r\nDon (06:46):\r\n\r\nI mean, everyone was shocked at this. And again, it's why we went back to Scripture to see what they were saying. If you break it down, it's interesting. So some household types, struggle with this more. So the ones who are doing well with this are households with kids are doing way better. This is another thing we found. The presence of kids in a household increases spiritual activity. Isn't that fascinating?\r\n\r\nAnn (07:10):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDon (07:10):\r\n\r\nBecause we tend to think when you're having kids, you're like, \"Man, my kingdom for a quiet time, my house is crazy. I don't feel...\" But actually having kids present, it increases\u2014get this. The research says that houses without kids in and out of them, 68% of those households interact in the Bible together. But if you have kids in a household, it goes up to 87% of them.\r\n\r\nDave (07:33):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nDon (07:34):\r\n\r\nIf you have a household without kids, 83% of those are doing some kind of prayer together. If you have kids present, it goes up to 95%. And then talking about your faith, those households without kids, 88% do it, 95% with kids because kids get people in and out of your household. You're interacting, you're doing things with each other. So there's something about just going live as a household and having other people in. I can tell you, so Bosetti was a dear friend of ours where we lived when I was writing this book, and she's from Nigeria and she's a single woman in our church and we love her. She was in and out of our house all the time. I loved having meals with her because she had such a different life experience and my kids were hearing about that. We had my mom and stepdad move in with us eight years ago.\r\n\r\n(08:24):\r\n\r\nWe were raising our kids with grandparents in the home and my stepdad was weird. Yet to be able at the dinner table and to be able to say, \"Hey Buzz, will you pray for our dinner tonight?\" Here's the deal. That was risky because you never knew what he was going to say.\r\n\r\n(08:39):\r\n\r\nBut the kids, they're getting to interact with someone else's faith other than just their parents. Where we live right now, it's regular that we have Muslims and Hindus in our house on a regular basis because we're right on the campus. There's all these international students. My son, who's a high schooler, is getting to see us interact with people from different contexts and he's getting to see us just be really open and build trust and build bridges of trust to gain a hearing. And then when they're curious, he's seeing us how we talk about our faith and how we don't talk about our faith.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:11):\r\n\r\nThat makes me think of 1 Thessalonians 2:8, which says, \"So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.\" That is exactly what we're talking about.\r\n\r\nDon (09:28):\r\n\r\nThat's it. It's our lives. We did a whole other research project on spiritual conversations with non-Christians and how that goes and what's helpful and what non-Christians like and all that. And one of the things that it shows us is that, I mean, the first key is gaining a hearing. You have to build trust. Our kids are seeing us not just why do you pray to thousands of gods as a Hindu and what makes you think they're real? Why are cows holy? They get to see us go, \"Hey, it's good to see you,\" and to love them and talk about life. We're modeling that sort of thing. One of the tools we have in this chapter on hospitality on our open doors is a household map. We encourage people to map out their household, their core household, like who lives with you in your household and then the extended household.\r\n\r\n(10:14):\r\n\r\nSo my kids' friends who are over all the time, they're actually a part of my household as the Bible understands households. The average household size in the Old Testament was 50 to 100 people.\r\n\r\nAnn (10:25):\r\n\r\nWhat?\r\n\r\nDon (10:25):\r\n\r\nYeah. Because household for them, they didn't have this idea of a nuclear household. It was us and then my uncles and then the cousins and the grandparents and then the other tradesmen and then the traveler who's coming through town who's staying with us. In Genesis where you have Jacob's household is actually listed, 70 people are in his household. Now that doesn't mean we need to live in communes and all that sort of thing, but to understand a whole household includes your nuclear or your core household, people you live with and all these other people. And when you start thinking about that, so when I was doing the research, I started thinking about it and I was like, \"Well, Bosetti, she's a part of my extended household.\" And just thinking about that made me more mindful of that relationship. My kids, same thing, because my wife is a great cook.\r\n\r\n(11:09):\r\n\r\nAll their friends are coming over, right? They're a part of my extended household. What's my role to try to influence them and try to love on them and be an encouragement for them? It changes the game of how you're thinking about things to map out. We even created a cool little cartoon video to help people figure out, well, if the grandparents live really far away, but they Zoom every week, are they a part of our household? There's ways of thinking about that, but the more mindful we are of this larger orbit, the more active we're going to be with that, and the research tells us it causes our faith to grow.\r\n\r\nDave (11:44):\r\n\r\nWell, what do you say to the parent that is hearing this in their grip with fear? Because often we think, and you use the analogy of the submarine versus the rescue ship, we think submarine, I want to lock our family down. I want to lock all the doors. \r\n\r\nAnn (12:01):\r\n\r\nPut a bubble around us.\r\n\r\nDave (12:02):\r\n\r\nI got to protect my kids. There's bad influences out there and they may have to be exposed to them at school or in the public square, but in my home I can control. I'm not letting any of that in my home. You're saying almost the opposite.\r\n\r\nDon (12:16):\r\n\r\nWell, I mean, again, there may be occasions and there may be context and situations where that is the right thing to do. And I really want to acknowledge that.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:25):\r\n\r\nAnd we're not saying too, we're protecting our kids, I'm thinking\u2014\r\n\r\nDon (12:28):\r\n\r\nExactly. Totally.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:29):\r\n\r\n\u2014in terms of any kind of abuse or they're not alone. \r\n\r\nDon (12:34):\r\n\r\nExactly, exactly. But I will say this, the default assumption that insulating our kids or our households from the world around us will necessarily grow our faith is false. It's kind of like cul-de-sacs. Cul-de-sacs are great and they're really fun, but the image that we have is that they're safer because it's our little pocket right here, my kids.\r\n\r\n(12:54):\r\n\r\nWell, it turns out traffic-wise, cul-de-sacs are statistically more dangerous than regular streets. That doesn't mean don't live on a cul-de-sac, right? I mean, you just have to be wise. They\u2019re different. That's why they're not quite as safe because people aren't used to navigating them and all that. So it's kind of similar in the sense of we just assume if you circle the wagons, my kids' faith will grow or will be stronger. It's just not necessarily true. There's something about hospitality that if your family has occasion\u2014I'm trying to get to an answer to your question, so I'm qualifying my way to it. So if people have fear of that, if there's something real to fear, then fear it.\r\n\r\n(13:36):\r\n\r\nBut if the fear is this general, xenophobic, I need to protect my kids' purity above all else, default thought that that's what it means to be a faithful believer, then I would challenge that\u2014both through what the scripture calls us to and what the research tells us, that actually there's a way. I did campus ministry for 18 years. And some of the people who struggled most to launch as believers and to own their faith and to know how to navigate the world and be salt and light, some of the people who had the hardest time with that were the ones who grew up in a little Christian bubble and they had been so protected that their muscles didn't develop. And so we want more for our kids. What do we want for our kids? Do we want more for them for them to be safe and happy?\r\n\r\n(14:32):\r\n\r\nWe were talking about your goals for your kids. I want you to be used and to be a warrior for God and to thrive in this world and all that. That protection alone actually will not result in that probably. So to someone with fear, I would say just crack your door a little bit. Even a way of doing that, just in the prayer life of your household, start praying for people that are outside of your household. Like that's even safe. You don't even have to really open the door to do that.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:00):\r\n\r\nYeah, you're just praying. \r\n\r\nDon (15:02):\r\n\r\nYou're just praying for others, but you're inviting those in your household to be more mindful of people who aren't in your orbit.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:09):\r\n\r\nI would add this too, Don. I was thinking about this when we wrote our parenting book. To know who you are, to know what your passions are, to know what you enjoy, because I'm thinking of Dave. He may not have some person come in and have this face-to-face, really deep conversation immediately, but what Dave is a genius of is playing. He is so good at like, \"Hey, let's play a game. Let's make up this game. Let's play basketball, football.\" So he's in our front yard, and I would say too, he's the only dad outside.\r\n\r\nDon (15:41):\r\n\r\nYeah, there you go.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:42):\r\n\r\nAnd these kids, he is a magnet. When the kids were little, even like 10-year-old, 12-year-old boys, they would knock on the door and they would say, \"Can Mr. Wilson come out and play?\" Every time, and he's fun. He's funny. And so maybe if you're a dad or a mom and you think, \"I don't feel as comfortable just going to this deep spiritual conversation,\" just who are you? Maybe you're a gamer.\r\n\r\nDon (16:06):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:07):\r\n\r\nSo I think Dave\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (16:09):\r\n\r\nUse your gifts as a magnet.\r\n\r\nDon (16:11):\r\n\r\nUse your gifts. And here's the reality. The research told us the three things, Messy Prayers, Loud Tables, Open Doors. The research also told us there are two catalysts that make all three of those happen more, food and fun. Those were the two catalysts.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:23):\r\n\r\nOh, that's good.\r\n\r\nDon (16:24):\r\n\r\nAnd so having fun, interacting with people, doing things creates an atmosphere, draws people in, which makes those other three things more likely to happen. So start there.\r\n\r\nDave (16:35):\r\n\r\nOne of the things you say under this part of your book, crack the door a little bit, open a little wider, is start a small group. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nYeah, that's it. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nMaybe even have a Bible study in your home. We did that. And so our kids, and we weren't even thinking about it when they were seven, eight years old. They're watching our neighbors walk in our door, sit around, open a Bible and have spiritual conversations and arguments, disagreements about these topics. That's a really good thing. We didn't even realize it, right?\r\n\r\nDon (17:04):\r\n\r\nBut they're seeing it's not just, \"Well, my parents go to church.\" They must care about the Bible because they even do it at home. They even have friends who are over doing it. For those who are listening and who are like, \"I'm no good at any of these things and I'm a new Christian or how do I do this?\" Here's a real cheater. You guys want to pro tip here? Someone at your church that you're just like, \"Man, I want to be like them or I'm a parent. I want my kids.\" Man, invite them over.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:31):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDon (17:32):\r\n\r\nHave them over, have your kids sit at the table with them and just tell them, \"Hey, tell us your testimony or tell us something about your faith.\" Let them influence you. You know what I mean? Let them rub off on your kids. That's just a little cheater and guess what? They're going to rub off on you too.\r\n\r\nDave (17:46):\r\n\r\nHey, here's a question that I didn't see directly addressed in the book. What about your marriage?\r\n\r\nDon (17:53):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDave (17:54):\r\n\r\nHow important is a good marriage for your kids in a spiritually vibrant home? Yeah. I mean, it wasn't the focus of the research.\r\n\r\nDon (18:05):\r\n\r\nSo we don't have research on that, but I mean, something so key because that's the furnace of everything in the household for a couple household, right? So for a household where you do have a husband and wife, the health of that, and by health, I don't just mean it's pristine and it's always, \"Hello, honey,\" and things are perfect. We have a saying in our marriage and in our household that my wife made up, \"Mess up, fess up.\" So one of our rules as a household, one of our kind of virtues is you mess up, you fess up. And so for our kids to see Wendy and I reconcile with each other is just huge. So the health of the marriage, but that doesn't mean that we're perfect, but that they see us communicating, that they see us mess up, fess up with each other is huge, is key for all the reasons, right?\r\n\r\n(18:52):\r\n\r\nI mean, you're just smiling because you're like, \"Yeah.\u201d I mean, it's so key to all of this. And so that's why if someone's marriage is on the rocks and all that, maybe don't start with hospitality. You got to focus on that. That's the next right thing. Get good there.\r\n\r\nDave (19:06):\r\n\r\nYeah. It feels like in some ways, when I hear you say that, Don, it's like I can't really lead or model for my family a spiritually vibrant home. All the things we talk about, Messy Prayers, Loud Tables, Open Doors, unless it's an overflow of my own personal walk with God. It's the same thing with the marriage. It's like, man, if we're not working on our marriage first, we don't have a lot to give to our kids because you're frustrated and you're angry, but if you're working on that, and I'm not saying it's perfect, we've said that very well, but man, that's where my energy's going first. I'm going to meet with God myself and out of that are going to come prayers and conversations and hospitality. But if it's not first real in me and in my marriage, good luck with it ever being extended to your family.\r\n\r\n(19:59):\r\n\r\nAnd after all these years of marriage, I know you pretty well.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:02):\r\n\r\nOkay. Then you should have no problem playing Spouse-Ology with me.\r\n\r\nDave (20:06):\r\n\r\nWhy do I suddenly feel nervous?\r\n\r\nAnn (20:07):\r\n\r\nSpouse-Ology is FamilyLife's couples trivia game with questions that'll have you guessing, laughing, and maybe learning a few things about each other.\r\n\r\nDave (20:18):\r\n\r\nAnd you can play just the two of you for date night.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:21):\r\n\r\nThat'd be fun.\r\n\r\nDave (20:22):\r\n\r\nOr invite some friends over and find out which couple really knows each other best. Get Spouse-Ology at shop.FamilyLife.com.\r\n\r\nDon (20:32):\r\n\r\nWe did do some qualitative research, some interviews with people. So there are a number of people\u2014I can't give it a statistic, but where you have one spouse who's a believer and the other who's not. And so that was a part of the research as well. And here's the good news that I want to say is that for the one who is a believer who's sitting there, maybe they're listening to this and they're like, \"Well, that'd be great if my husband was a believer, cared about his faith.\" The good news is the kind of spiritual coaching, the kind of initiating all that stuff even works. I mean, it can work. Is it more powerful if the two are lockstep with each other? Absolutely, unquestionably. But there are people listening who aren't in that situation for whatever reason\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (21:15):\r\n\r\nRight.\r\n\r\nDon (21:16):\r\n\r\n\u2014and the good news is they can be a spiritual coach. They can initiate the things. They can be creating a spiritually vibrant household, even if there's a holdout in the household. Does that make sense?\r\n\r\nAnn (21:27):\r\n\r\nThey still are having a great impact.\r\n\r\nDon (21:28):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. And that's why it can be messy. That what we found. It doesn't have to be pristine. It doesn't have to be a husband, wife holding hands, leading a devotion. It can be a messy thing that is happening, and even that helps grow the faith.\r\n\r\nDave (21:41):\r\n\r\nHey, Don, would you be willing to pray a messy prayer\u2014\r\n\r\nDon (21:44):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nDave (21:45):\r\n\r\n\u2014for the family that's listening, mom or dad, that you mentioned earlier that feels like, wow, we're not vibrant. We're dormant, but we want to get out of that. Would you pray for them?\r\n\r\nDon (21:54):\r\n\r\nYeah. Let's pray.\r\n\r\n(21:56):\r\n\r\nFather, I thank you for the ways that your Word shines a light into every area of life, including in our households. I just intercede on behalf of those who are listening, Father, who are maybe feeling conviction or shame or guilt or confusion or excitement, but not knowing what to do. Father, I just pray that Your love would surround them, that they would be uplifted and inspired by the reality that You care about the health of their household and everyone in it even more than they do, and that You are a God who is pursuing all of them. I pray, Father, that You would use some of the scriptures we've talked about, some of the insights from research to call them to one small step. Would You even right now, as they're listening, bring an image to mind of one little thing that they could do out of faithfulness, and even if it's out of fear.\r\n\r\n(22:52):\r\n\r\nI'm just bold to ask, Father, that You would even give them one picture right now of a step that they could take and give them the courage to do it, Father. We thank You that You care about households, that one of the agendas of Your Holy Spirit is to be moving in our households and helping them grow stronger and heal. So thank You for Your activity that precedes our activity, even in the household. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:23):\r\n\r\nI just want to remind our listeners that our vision for families at FamilyLife.com is to follow Jesus, to impact children, parenting, marriages, not just here, but around the world. We can't do that without you.\r\n\r\nDave (23:39):\r\n\r\nYeah, and it's why we do what we do, but you probably don't know this. We have hundreds, even thousands of financial partners, people that pray for us, but also say, \"I don't want to just pray. I want to be a part of this ministry and I'm going to give part of my income every single month to FamilyLife to help this ministry impact the world.\" So you can be a partner with us. In a sense, you're impacting others just through our voice and through this program.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:03):\r\n\r\nAnd we need you.\r\n\r\nDave (24:05):\r\n\r\nYeah, and if you're sitting there thinking, \"Man, I didn't even know they had monthly supporters like that.\" Yes, we do. And they literally are partners. We are partnering together to change the world for Jesus Christ. So here's how you can do that. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click on the donate button, and become a partner. \r\n\r\nAll right. Great day with Don Everts. Again, his book is called The Spiritually Vibrant Home: The Power of Messy Prayers, Loud Tables, and Open Doors. And you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry; celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dishes in the sink? Invite them anyway. Don Everts joins Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today to talk about why an open door matters when building faith at home.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shoplhm.org\/vibrant-conversation-deck\/\">Vibrant Conversation Deck<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/weekend-to-remember\/\">Weekend to Remember<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-10-09.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nStop Waiting Till the House Is Clean: Don Everts\r\n\r\nGuest:Don Everts\r\n\r\nFrom the series:What Makes Faith Stick at Home? Don Everts (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:October 9, 2026\r\n\r\nDon (00:04):\r\n\r\nBe hospitable, that part of a life well lived and part of being His people is where you love the stranger, love the alien, be hospitable. The New Testament word, the Greek word for show hospitality is philoxenia, which means love of the stranger.\r\n\r\nDave (00:28):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:34):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nSo over the years, we've probably had quite a few people live with us in and out. How's that been for you?\r\n\r\nDave (00:55):\r\n\r\nYou had to bring that up. You're laughing because\u2014tell the listener why you're laughing. Go ahead. I'll just let you express this.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:02):\r\n\r\nI wanted you to express it.\r\n\r\nDave (01:05):\r\n\r\nWell, it was always a wonderful thing to invite somebody. They usually lived in our basement that we finished and had their own living space. But after a period of time, I got a little frustrated. Let's just say that.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:18):\r\n\r\nWhy is that?\r\n\r\nDave (01:20):\r\n\r\nIt cramped my life. Yeah. And it's a bad way to introduce a topic that we're going to encourage listeners to do, but we've got Don Everts back with us. Don, you're a pastor, you're a dad, you've written this book on research and how to develop spiritually vibrant homes. So first of all, let me say we love the last two days having you on here. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDon (01:43):\r\n\r\nGreat to be with you. Likewise. It's fun to think about these things together.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:46):\r\n\r\nIt is.\r\n\r\nDave (01:46):\r\n\r\nYeah. And one of the reasons obviously we're bringing this up and you can remind our listeners, but as you studied spiritually vibrant homes and homes to say, what were the commonalities that made them spiritually vibrant? You found three things, Messy Prayers, you call them, Loud Tables. We've already talked about those two. And if you don't know what those words mean, then we're not going to tell you. You go listen. And trust me, those two conversations are going to change your life. But then the third one I didn't see coming. Open Doors is what you call it. It's sort of a little bit what we're talking about but explain what that means.\r\n\r\nDon (02:21):\r\n\r\nYeah, we didn't see it coming either. When you do research like this, you go in with some hypotheses. We think we're going to find this. We did not think we would find that one of the commonalities that corresponds with more vibrant faith is that households extend hospitality, that there are people in and out of their household on a regular basis every month.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:43):\r\n\r\nSome people just said, \"Oh no.\"\r\n\r\nDon (02:45):\r\n\r\nI know, I know, I know. And there are going to be some people, because I'm about to get crazy excited about hospitality. So let me just qualify it by saying sometimes a household is not in a place, a healthy enough place\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (02:59):\r\n\r\nYeah, that\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDon (02:59):\r\n\r\n\u2014to throw open the door. Sometimes there's dysfunction in a home and that's what you need to focus on and all that.\r\n\r\nDave (03:06):\r\n\r\nAnd it also doesn't mean you have to come and live in our basement. \r\n\r\nDon (03:08):\r\n\r\nExactly. Exactly. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nYeah, that's true. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nExactly. And there are levels of how wide you can crack the door, you can open a little wider, or you can just take the door off the hinges. So there's different ways people can do it. So I just want to qualify that.\r\n\r\nAnn (03:20):\r\n\r\nAnd at the same time we're saying your house doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be the perfect house with the perfect decor, with the perfect meal.\r\n\r\nDon (03:29):\r\n\r\nThat's right. That's right. This was the surprising one, friends. This was surprising. Now, it made us go back into the Scriptures and then we repented and said we should not have been surprised about this because it turns out God knows what He's talking about and He calls His people, Old Testament and New Testament to be hospitable; that part of a life well lived and part of being His people is where you extend hospitality. So we shouldn't have been surprised. We were. And what the research told us is that the more you have people in and out of your household, the more vibrant the faith is of the people living there. And it's not necessarily that you have Christians coming in and out of your household. It could be non-Christians who are coming in. It could be people who are coming in because they're a tutor and you could be paying them to come in and tutor a kid or it could be grandparents coming in.\r\n\r\n(04:21):\r\n\r\nIt could be boyfriends and girlfriends. The more open your door is, the more hospitality there is, the more vibrant the faith is. And what shocked me in this, because the researchers at Barna, they never talk about causality. They'll never say A causes B. They just say there's a correlation between A and B. This one, they talk different. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nReally? Why? \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nThis one, because they said it causes it. There's something about having more people in and out of your household that actually doesn't just correspond with, but it affects and increases faith formation.\r\n\r\nDave (04:54):\r\n\r\nOkay. So what is it? I mean, what is it about having people in and out?\r\n\r\nDon (04:57):\r\n\r\nWell, that they don't know. They don't know that.\r\n\r\nDave (04:59):\r\n\r\nWell, you know, what would you say?\r\n\r\nDon (05:00):\r\n\r\nWell, I have my thoughts. I have my theories about it. So here's an interesting thing. One of the things that they found is there's something about the dynamics of a household that has people in and out of it all the time, right? Where sometimes the effect is, say you have a strong Christian from church who's coming over and they're having a great influence on your family, but maybe you have someone needy or non-Christian who's coming in, but you're still navigating them as a household. You're living out your faith and your relationships in a way that your whole household is seeing that and being a part of that together. And so the world coming in and hanging out and you as a household navigating that and your kids watching you do that, that grows your faith.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:43):\r\n\r\nIt's so interesting because we can feel like in this culture, we need to protect our family. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. Absolutely.\r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nWe need to have us under the roof, put up the walls, protect us, especially with non-Christians. This doesn't even mean Christians. This means just your door is open and people are coming in.\r\n\r\nDon (06:02):\r\n\r\nIt's interesting. So in the New Testament, it turns out we're called again and again, and in the Old Testament, love the stranger, love the alien, be hospitable. The New Testament word, the Greek word for show hospitality is philoxenia, which means love of the stranger. And I would say xenophobia, fear of the stranger is more what we can be tempted by. And I'm going to close off my kids. I'm going to close off my household from the evil world out there. And I'm not saying don't be mindful obviously about how you interact with culture. That's not what I'm saying, but what the research says is that the more insular a household is, the more there's a risk factor for not having vibrant faith.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:45):\r\n\r\nThat's amazing.\r\n\r\nDon (06:46):\r\n\r\nI mean, everyone was shocked at this. And again, it's why we went back to Scripture to see what they were saying. If you break it down, it's interesting. So some household types, struggle with this more. So the ones who are doing well with this are households with kids are doing way better. This is another thing we found. The presence of kids in a household increases spiritual activity. Isn't that fascinating?\r\n\r\nAnn (07:10):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDon (07:10):\r\n\r\nBecause we tend to think when you're having kids, you're like, \"Man, my kingdom for a quiet time, my house is crazy. I don't feel...\" But actually having kids present, it increases\u2014get this. The research says that houses without kids in and out of them, 68% of those households interact in the Bible together. But if you have kids in a household, it goes up to 87% of them.\r\n\r\nDave (07:33):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nDon (07:34):\r\n\r\nIf you have a household without kids, 83% of those are doing some kind of prayer together. If you have kids present, it goes up to 95%. And then talking about your faith, those households without kids, 88% do it, 95% with kids because kids get people in and out of your household. You're interacting, you're doing things with each other. So there's something about just going live as a household and having other people in. I can tell you, so Bosetti was a dear friend of ours where we lived when I was writing this book, and she's from Nigeria and she's a single woman in our church and we love her. She was in and out of our house all the time. I loved having meals with her because she had such a different life experience and my kids were hearing about that. We had my mom and stepdad move in with us eight years ago.\r\n\r\n(08:24):\r\n\r\nWe were raising our kids with grandparents in the home and my stepdad was weird. Yet to be able at the dinner table and to be able to say, \"Hey Buzz, will you pray for our dinner tonight?\" Here's the deal. That was risky because you never knew what he was going to say.\r\n\r\n(08:39):\r\n\r\nBut the kids, they're getting to interact with someone else's faith other than just their parents. Where we live right now, it's regular that we have Muslims and Hindus in our house on a regular basis because we're right on the campus. There's all these international students. My son, who's a high schooler, is getting to see us interact with people from different contexts and he's getting to see us just be really open and build trust and build bridges of trust to gain a hearing. And then when they're curious, he's seeing us how we talk about our faith and how we don't talk about our faith.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:11):\r\n\r\nThat makes me think of 1 Thessalonians 2:8, which says, \"So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.\" That is exactly what we're talking about.\r\n\r\nDon (09:28):\r\n\r\nThat's it. It's our lives. We did a whole other research project on spiritual conversations with non-Christians and how that goes and what's helpful and what non-Christians like and all that. And one of the things that it shows us is that, I mean, the first key is gaining a hearing. You have to build trust. Our kids are seeing us not just why do you pray to thousands of gods as a Hindu and what makes you think they're real? Why are cows holy? They get to see us go, \"Hey, it's good to see you,\" and to love them and talk about life. We're modeling that sort of thing. One of the tools we have in this chapter on hospitality on our open doors is a household map. We encourage people to map out their household, their core household, like who lives with you in your household and then the extended household.\r\n\r\n(10:14):\r\n\r\nSo my kids' friends who are over all the time, they're actually a part of my household as the Bible understands households. The average household size in the Old Testament was 50 to 100 people.\r\n\r\nAnn (10:25):\r\n\r\nWhat?\r\n\r\nDon (10:25):\r\n\r\nYeah. Because household for them, they didn't have this idea of a nuclear household. It was us and then my uncles and then the cousins and the grandparents and then the other tradesmen and then the traveler who's coming through town who's staying with us. In Genesis where you have Jacob's household is actually listed, 70 people are in his household. Now that doesn't mean we need to live in communes and all that sort of thing, but to understand a whole household includes your nuclear or your core household, people you live with and all these other people. And when you start thinking about that, so when I was doing the research, I started thinking about it and I was like, \"Well, Bosetti, she's a part of my extended household.\" And just thinking about that made me more mindful of that relationship. My kids, same thing, because my wife is a great cook.\r\n\r\n(11:09):\r\n\r\nAll their friends are coming over, right? They're a part of my extended household. What's my role to try to influence them and try to love on them and be an encouragement for them? It changes the game of how you're thinking about things to map out. We even created a cool little cartoon video to help people figure out, well, if the grandparents live really far away, but they Zoom every week, are they a part of our household? There's ways of thinking about that, but the more mindful we are of this larger orbit, the more active we're going to be with that, and the research tells us it causes our faith to grow.\r\n\r\nDave (11:44):\r\n\r\nWell, what do you say to the parent that is hearing this in their grip with fear? Because often we think, and you use the analogy of the submarine versus the rescue ship, we think submarine, I want to lock our family down. I want to lock all the doors. \r\n\r\nAnn (12:01):\r\n\r\nPut a bubble around us.\r\n\r\nDave (12:02):\r\n\r\nI got to protect my kids. There's bad influences out there and they may have to be exposed to them at school or in the public square, but in my home I can control. I'm not letting any of that in my home. You're saying almost the opposite.\r\n\r\nDon (12:16):\r\n\r\nWell, I mean, again, there may be occasions and there may be context and situations where that is the right thing to do. And I really want to acknowledge that.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:25):\r\n\r\nAnd we're not saying too, we're protecting our kids, I'm thinking\u2014\r\n\r\nDon (12:28):\r\n\r\nExactly. Totally.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:29):\r\n\r\n\u2014in terms of any kind of abuse or they're not alone. \r\n\r\nDon (12:34):\r\n\r\nExactly, exactly. But I will say this, the default assumption that insulating our kids or our households from the world around us will necessarily grow our faith is false. It's kind of like cul-de-sacs. Cul-de-sacs are great and they're really fun, but the image that we have is that they're safer because it's our little pocket right here, my kids.\r\n\r\n(12:54):\r\n\r\nWell, it turns out traffic-wise, cul-de-sacs are statistically more dangerous than regular streets. That doesn't mean don't live on a cul-de-sac, right? I mean, you just have to be wise. They\u2019re different. That's why they're not quite as safe because people aren't used to navigating them and all that. So it's kind of similar in the sense of we just assume if you circle the wagons, my kids' faith will grow or will be stronger. It's just not necessarily true. There's something about hospitality that if your family has occasion\u2014I'm trying to get to an answer to your question, so I'm qualifying my way to it. So if people have fear of that, if there's something real to fear, then fear it.\r\n\r\n(13:36):\r\n\r\nBut if the fear is this general, xenophobic, I need to protect my kids' purity above all else, default thought that that's what it means to be a faithful believer, then I would challenge that\u2014both through what the scripture calls us to and what the research tells us, that actually there's a way. I did campus ministry for 18 years. And some of the people who struggled most to launch as believers and to own their faith and to know how to navigate the world and be salt and light, some of the people who had the hardest time with that were the ones who grew up in a little Christian bubble and they had been so protected that their muscles didn't develop. And so we want more for our kids. What do we want for our kids? Do we want more for them for them to be safe and happy?\r\n\r\n(14:32):\r\n\r\nWe were talking about your goals for your kids. I want you to be used and to be a warrior for God and to thrive in this world and all that. That protection alone actually will not result in that probably. So to someone with fear, I would say just crack your door a little bit. Even a way of doing that, just in the prayer life of your household, start praying for people that are outside of your household. Like that's even safe. You don't even have to really open the door to do that.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:00):\r\n\r\nYeah, you're just praying. \r\n\r\nDon (15:02):\r\n\r\nYou're just praying for others, but you're inviting those in your household to be more mindful of people who aren't in your orbit.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:09):\r\n\r\nI would add this too, Don. I was thinking about this when we wrote our parenting book. To know who you are, to know what your passions are, to know what you enjoy, because I'm thinking of Dave. He may not have some person come in and have this face-to-face, really deep conversation immediately, but what Dave is a genius of is playing. He is so good at like, \"Hey, let's play a game. Let's make up this game. Let's play basketball, football.\" So he's in our front yard, and I would say too, he's the only dad outside.\r\n\r\nDon (15:41):\r\n\r\nYeah, there you go.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:42):\r\n\r\nAnd these kids, he is a magnet. When the kids were little, even like 10-year-old, 12-year-old boys, they would knock on the door and they would say, \"Can Mr. Wilson come out and play?\" Every time, and he's fun. He's funny. And so maybe if you're a dad or a mom and you think, \"I don't feel as comfortable just going to this deep spiritual conversation,\" just who are you? Maybe you're a gamer.\r\n\r\nDon (16:06):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:07):\r\n\r\nSo I think Dave\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (16:09):\r\n\r\nUse your gifts as a magnet.\r\n\r\nDon (16:11):\r\n\r\nUse your gifts. And here's the reality. The research told us the three things, Messy Prayers, Loud Tables, Open Doors. The research also told us there are two catalysts that make all three of those happen more, food and fun. Those were the two catalysts.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:23):\r\n\r\nOh, that's good.\r\n\r\nDon (16:24):\r\n\r\nAnd so having fun, interacting with people, doing things creates an atmosphere, draws people in, which makes those other three things more likely to happen. So start there.\r\n\r\nDave (16:35):\r\n\r\nOne of the things you say under this part of your book, crack the door a little bit, open a little wider, is start a small group. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nYeah, that's it. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nMaybe even have a Bible study in your home. We did that. And so our kids, and we weren't even thinking about it when they were seven, eight years old. They're watching our neighbors walk in our door, sit around, open a Bible and have spiritual conversations and arguments, disagreements about these topics. That's a really good thing. We didn't even realize it, right?\r\n\r\nDon (17:04):\r\n\r\nBut they're seeing it's not just, \"Well, my parents go to church.\" They must care about the Bible because they even do it at home. They even have friends who are over doing it. For those who are listening and who are like, \"I'm no good at any of these things and I'm a new Christian or how do I do this?\" Here's a real cheater. You guys want to pro tip here? Someone at your church that you're just like, \"Man, I want to be like them or I'm a parent. I want my kids.\" Man, invite them over.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:31):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDon (17:32):\r\n\r\nHave them over, have your kids sit at the table with them and just tell them, \"Hey, tell us your testimony or tell us something about your faith.\" Let them influence you. You know what I mean? Let them rub off on your kids. That's just a little cheater and guess what? They're going to rub off on you too.\r\n\r\nDave (17:46):\r\n\r\nHey, here's a question that I didn't see directly addressed in the book. What about your marriage?\r\n\r\nDon (17:53):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDave (17:54):\r\n\r\nHow important is a good marriage for your kids in a spiritually vibrant home? Yeah. I mean, it wasn't the focus of the research.\r\n\r\nDon (18:05):\r\n\r\nSo we don't have research on that, but I mean, something so key because that's the furnace of everything in the household for a couple household, right? So for a household where you do have a husband and wife, the health of that, and by health, I don't just mean it's pristine and it's always, \"Hello, honey,\" and things are perfect. We have a saying in our marriage and in our household that my wife made up, \"Mess up, fess up.\" So one of our rules as a household, one of our kind of virtues is you mess up, you fess up. And so for our kids to see Wendy and I reconcile with each other is just huge. So the health of the marriage, but that doesn't mean that we're perfect, but that they see us communicating, that they see us mess up, fess up with each other is huge, is key for all the reasons, right?\r\n\r\n(18:52):\r\n\r\nI mean, you're just smiling because you're like, \"Yeah.\u201d I mean, it's so key to all of this. And so that's why if someone's marriage is on the rocks and all that, maybe don't start with hospitality. You got to focus on that. That's the next right thing. Get good there.\r\n\r\nDave (19:06):\r\n\r\nYeah. It feels like in some ways, when I hear you say that, Don, it's like I can't really lead or model for my family a spiritually vibrant home. All the things we talk about, Messy Prayers, Loud Tables, Open Doors, unless it's an overflow of my own personal walk with God. It's the same thing with the marriage. It's like, man, if we're not working on our marriage first, we don't have a lot to give to our kids because you're frustrated and you're angry, but if you're working on that, and I'm not saying it's perfect, we've said that very well, but man, that's where my energy's going first. I'm going to meet with God myself and out of that are going to come prayers and conversations and hospitality. But if it's not first real in me and in my marriage, good luck with it ever being extended to your family.\r\n\r\n(19:59):\r\n\r\nAnd after all these years of marriage, I know you pretty well.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:02):\r\n\r\nOkay. Then you should have no problem playing Spouse-Ology with me.\r\n\r\nDave (20:06):\r\n\r\nWhy do I suddenly feel nervous?\r\n\r\nAnn (20:07):\r\n\r\nSpouse-Ology is FamilyLife's couples trivia game with questions that'll have you guessing, laughing, and maybe learning a few things about each other.\r\n\r\nDave (20:18):\r\n\r\nAnd you can play just the two of you for date night.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:21):\r\n\r\nThat'd be fun.\r\n\r\nDave (20:22):\r\n\r\nOr invite some friends over and find out which couple really knows each other best. Get Spouse-Ology at shop.FamilyLife.com.\r\n\r\nDon (20:32):\r\n\r\nWe did do some qualitative research, some interviews with people. So there are a number of people\u2014I can't give it a statistic, but where you have one spouse who's a believer and the other who's not. And so that was a part of the research as well. And here's the good news that I want to say is that for the one who is a believer who's sitting there, maybe they're listening to this and they're like, \"Well, that'd be great if my husband was a believer, cared about his faith.\" The good news is the kind of spiritual coaching, the kind of initiating all that stuff even works. I mean, it can work. Is it more powerful if the two are lockstep with each other? Absolutely, unquestionably. But there are people listening who aren't in that situation for whatever reason\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (21:15):\r\n\r\nRight.\r\n\r\nDon (21:16):\r\n\r\n\u2014and the good news is they can be a spiritual coach. They can initiate the things. They can be creating a spiritually vibrant household, even if there's a holdout in the household. Does that make sense?\r\n\r\nAnn (21:27):\r\n\r\nThey still are having a great impact.\r\n\r\nDon (21:28):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. And that's why it can be messy. That what we found. It doesn't have to be pristine. It doesn't have to be a husband, wife holding hands, leading a devotion. It can be a messy thing that is happening, and even that helps grow the faith.\r\n\r\nDave (21:41):\r\n\r\nHey, Don, would you be willing to pray a messy prayer\u2014\r\n\r\nDon (21:44):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nDave (21:45):\r\n\r\n\u2014for the family that's listening, mom or dad, that you mentioned earlier that feels like, wow, we're not vibrant. We're dormant, but we want to get out of that. Would you pray for them?\r\n\r\nDon (21:54):\r\n\r\nYeah. Let's pray.\r\n\r\n(21:56):\r\n\r\nFather, I thank you for the ways that your Word shines a light into every area of life, including in our households. I just intercede on behalf of those who are listening, Father, who are maybe feeling conviction or shame or guilt or confusion or excitement, but not knowing what to do. Father, I just pray that Your love would surround them, that they would be uplifted and inspired by the reality that You care about the health of their household and everyone in it even more than they do, and that You are a God who is pursuing all of them. I pray, Father, that You would use some of the scriptures we've talked about, some of the insights from research to call them to one small step. Would You even right now, as they're listening, bring an image to mind of one little thing that they could do out of faithfulness, and even if it's out of fear.\r\n\r\n(22:52):\r\n\r\nI'm just bold to ask, Father, that You would even give them one picture right now of a step that they could take and give them the courage to do it, Father. We thank You that You care about households, that one of the agendas of Your Holy Spirit is to be moving in our households and helping them grow stronger and heal. So thank You for Your activity that precedes our activity, even in the household. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:23):\r\n\r\nI just want to remind our listeners that our vision for families at FamilyLife.com is to follow Jesus, to impact children, parenting, marriages, not just here, but around the world. We can't do that without you.\r\n\r\nDave (23:39):\r\n\r\nYeah, and it's why we do what we do, but you probably don't know this. We have hundreds, even thousands of financial partners, people that pray for us, but also say, \"I don't want to just pray. I want to be a part of this ministry and I'm going to give part of my income every single month to FamilyLife to help this ministry impact the world.\" So you can be a partner with us. In a sense, you're impacting others just through our voice and through this program.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:03):\r\n\r\nAnd we need you.\r\n\r\nDave (24:05):\r\n\r\nYeah, and if you're sitting there thinking, \"Man, I didn't even know they had monthly supporters like that.\" Yes, we do. And they literally are partners. We are partnering together to change the world for Jesus Christ. So here's how you can do that. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click on the donate button, and become a partner. \r\n\r\nAll right. Great day with Don Everts. Again, his book is called The Spiritually Vibrant Home: The Power of Messy Prayers, Loud Tables, and Open Doors. And you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry; celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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