{"id":318684,"date":"2026-10-07T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-10-07T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts\/"},"modified":"2026-10-07T06:27:27","modified_gmt":"2026-10-07T10:27:27","slug":"how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Build Faith at Home (Without Doing More): Don Everts"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The Bible\u2019s somewhere under the mail. Nobody prayed before dinner. And your attempt at family devotions lasted roughly three Tuesdays. So how do you build faith at home when your family feels decidedly un-spiritual? Author and researcher Don Everts joins Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today with surprising research on what makes faith grow\u2014and some good news for imperfect families.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Family devotions fizzled again? Don Everts joins Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today with research on how to build faith at home in real life. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/9e59730b-bef4-4890-935b-b4d600133d7b\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2096],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11566],"cwp_profile":[9787],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-318684","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","podcast_series-what-makes-faith-stick-at-home-don-everts","cwp_profile-don-everts","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/318684\/how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/318684\/how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MydOIM8brJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts\/\">How to Build Faith at Home (Without Doing More): Don Everts<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-build-faith-at-home-without-doing-more-don-everts\/embed\/#?secret=MydOIM8brJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Build Faith at Home (Without Doing More): Don Everts&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"MydOIM8brJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! 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Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nHow to Build Faith at Home (Without Doing More): Don Everts\r\n\r\nGuest:Don Everts\r\n\r\nFrom the series:What Makes Faith Stick at Home? Don Everts (Day 1 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:October 7, 2026\r\n\r\nDon (00:04):\r\n\r\nYou don't have to pray well. You just have to pray. You don't even have to be the one who does it, just initiate it. Like hey, we're about to go on vacation. We're all getting in the minivan and just say, \"Hey, I think someone should pray before we go.\" You don't even have to do it. Just initiate it. Or with the Bible, you don't have to know a lot. You just need to be in the Bible with each other. And that activity, it's just like being in the game, hitting the ball back at all, the research tells us is the game changer.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:40):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:47):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nAll right, what would you say, all these years being in ministry, writing marriage and family books and our last book on parenting, what would you say most parents in the church would say is the most important thing they can do to raise kids that love Jesus?\r\n\r\nAnn (01:16):\r\n\r\nMost would say get them in a good church, good youth program, or a good Christian school. I think most people would say that and think that.\r\n\r\nDave (01:25):\r\n\r\nYeah. Or good youth group.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:26):\r\n\r\nYeah. \r\n\r\nDave (01:27):\r\n\r\nNo question.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:27):\r\n\r\nI don't think I would say that, but I think that's what most people would say.\r\n\r\nDave (01:30):\r\n\r\nWell, I'm asking what you would say.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:32):\r\n\r\nOh.\r\n\r\nDave (01:32):\r\n\r\nNo, I asked you what others would say. Actually, I'm just sitting up Don Everts is with us today and he wrote a book about this.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:39):\r\n\r\nRight.\r\n\r\nDave (01:40):\r\n\r\nAnd I mean, the title is The Spiritually Vibrant Home. So Don, you're a pastor, you're a dad, you're a husband, you've researched this, but we can't wait to hear your expertise because it doesn't matter what we think or what other Christian parents thinks. It matters what you think. So welcome to FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDon (01:56):\r\n\r\nGreat to be with both of you. Thanks for having me.\r\n\r\nDave (01:58):\r\n\r\nSo as you sit over there and you listen to that question\u2014\r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nDave (02:02):\r\n\r\n\u2014and we're going to get into the research because as I went through this book, there's charts everywhere and I'm a visual guy. So I kept telling Ann, \"Hey, look at this chart. Look at that chart.\" So everything you're going to share with us is really based on research. So I'm going to ask you the same question. What do you think most parents, you probably know, how do they answer that question? I'm guessing most Christian parents are like, \"I want my kids to love Jesus. I want them to grow into adults that love Jesus.\" So they're thinking, \"Here's how I do it.\" What's the common answer?\r\n\r\nDon (02:35):\r\n\r\nI think the default for a lot of people in the circles that I've been in is similar to what do I do if I want my kid to have good teeth? I take them to the professionals. I take them to the dentist. That's my job. I bring them to someone who can help them. And I think it's the same. I think the default answer in a lot of churches is I'm going above and beyond if I get my kids to church. And that's more than a lot of people do. I feel heroic to do it and exhausted after doing it on some Sundays and that's it. And so I deliver them to the experts, the youth minister or the pastor himself or someone who's going to disciple them and that sort of thing. I think that's the temptation that people have.\r\n\r\nAnn (03:19):\r\n\r\nThose are good goals to have, but are they the best and is that what grows our kids spiritually?\r\n\r\nDon (03:25):\r\n\r\nExactly. And that's what looking both at research and at what the scriptures say about God's plan or what really works.\r\n\r\nDave (03:33):\r\n\r\nSo as you started to look at this research, well tell us a little bit how'd the research go? \r\n\r\nDon (03:39):\r\n\r\nYes. So we work with the Barna Group. So I work with Lutheran Hour Ministries. And so it's just a hundred-year-old evangelism ministry with a weird name. And we partner with the Barna Group who are these social science, total nerds. I mean, I love them. They're so smart. And we want to find out about this area. We have a curiosity that we find out all this stuff and then we ask, do they have anything in common? They do all that careful research to find out that what we're landing on really is something real that's really happening.\r\n\r\nDave (04:11):\r\n\r\nWell, let's start with, and you start in the book with households.\r\n\r\nDon (04:14):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nDave (04:15):\r\n\r\nWhy that is the center, why that's important even to Jesus, even scripturally. So help us start there.\r\n\r\nDon (04:22):\r\n\r\nYeah. It turns out that households are mentioned by name in the Bible over 2,100 times.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:29):\r\n\r\nI am shocked by this. When I read that, I had no idea.\r\n\r\nDon (04:32):\r\n\r\nI mean, we're used to thinking of God relates with me as an individual and that's beautiful and that's true. And there are passages that remind us of that.\r\n\r\n(04:40):\r\n\r\nAnd we know that God relates with his people. So the nation in the Old Testament, the church in the New Testament, God relates with us as a congregation. So it's like those are the categories we have. But when you put on your household lenses and you start flipping through the Bible, you realize, oh, there's this other category kind of in between those two that is everywhere in the Bible. You can just read right over it. You're not used to thinking about it. But it turns out that the household, God sees it as the real redemptive laboratory. The discipleship laboratory that God promotes throughout the Old and New Testament is the household. And so that's why our research centered on that and why the research kind of made us return back to the Bible. What was God's idea with the household, and what parents and kids and grandparents and extended households, how were we designed to be people of faith and to pass that on from one generation to another?\r\n\r\n(05:39):\r\n\r\nAnd the household's pretty central to that.\r\n\r\nDave (05:41):\r\n\r\nHow would you answer that question when you study the Bible? And of course this is what we do at FamilyLife.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:45):\r\n\r\nYeah. What's some scripture too?\r\n\r\nDave (05:47):\r\n\r\nIt's all about the household. It's all about the family. As you try to answer that question, okay, what was God's intent, mission for the family? How would you answer that?\r\n\r\nDon (05:58):\r\n\r\nI mean, I feel like Deuteronomy 6 is huge. And so you're there on the plains of Moab and Moses is reiterating and here's what God says. I mean, that's where we get the Shema, \"Here, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.\" And here's everything he says. And it's like the handing over of the words of God. And right at that moment is when the words from God are, \"Now everything I've just given you, I want you to talk about it when you lie down at night, when you're walking on the way, talk about it with your children, write it on the doorposts, put it on the gate of your home.\" It was meant to be talked about and lived out within the context of their household. And that's from the very beginning. And then you can kind of trace from there. You think of Joshua going into the promised land, \"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.\" What does that mean and why is that there?\r\n\r\n(06:49):\r\n\r\nAnd you start realizing all these folks who are being used by God and doing things for God in the Scriptures, it usually says, \"And their household.\"\r\n\r\n(06:59):\r\n\r\nBut we kind of read right over that. \r\n\r\nAnn (07:00):\r\n\r\nIt's so funny I've never thought of that so much. Those verses, all of us know those verses. We hear them, but we don't think of that's attached to our homes, our households, our people.\r\n\r\nDon (07:10):\r\n\r\nYes. And I think from the research I've done, the reading that I've done, I think there's something particular about our culture in the West because there's such an emphasis on the individual. And it is true that God relates with us as individuals, but we tend to kind of keep going back to that. And I think it makes us miss what's on most pages of the Bible, which is you operate in households and that's how God intends it to be. So I would say it starts there and then you see it all throughout the Old Testament, all throughout the New Testament where you have households, that God sees households, households rise and fall together. I mean, that's a huge emphasis in the wisdom literature in the Old Testament, not just live a certain way because it's good for you. It's live a certain way because it's good for your household.\r\n\r\n(07:57):\r\n\r\nAnd if you do other things, it's not just that you're guilty, it's bad for your household. That's emphasized in the wisdom literature. So it's all throughout there that we live in households, we're intended to live in households and they matter to God.\r\n\r\nDave (08:11):\r\n\r\nSo that very thought for where we started, a lot of Christian parents think the church is central.\r\n\r\nDon (08:18):\r\n\r\nThat's right.\r\n\r\nDave (08:18):\r\n\r\nGet them to the church, get them in a youth group, which obviously it is.\r\n\r\nDon (08:23):\r\n\r\nThat's right.\r\n\r\nDave (08:23):\r\n\r\nBut you're saying really scripturally, probably more important than a church. I mean, I know they're both way up there, but the household, your family is critical.\r\n\r\nDon (08:33):\r\n\r\nThat's right. Ultimately, it is this partnership and it takes both, but there is a way I think that it's tempting for us to kind of abrogate our responsibility, have the church take care of it. And some of that is because it's not that people just don't want to do it or are lazy or whatever. In my experience, a lot of it is because people are parenting and grandparenting how they were parented and grandparented.\r\n\r\n(09:00):\r\n\r\nI mean, when we started really wrestling with this at the church I was in at the time where I was pastoring at the time, there was a lot of insecurity in people and even a lot of shame as people began to talk about\u2014I remember this dad saying to me, because one of the findings, this is not shocking, is that if you pray as a household, that helps your faith grow. So it's not rocket science. But this one dad saying to me, he pulled me aside after class and he said, \"I don't know how to pray out loud and I've never prayed out loud.\" And he just kind of said that with this heaviness, because you know how intense parents are about wanting to raise their kids, want their kids to turn out well. And he's realizing it depends on me. I don't know how to do this.\r\n\r\n(09:43):\r\n\r\nSo it's not necessarily that he's like, \"Let someone else teach my kid how to pray.\" It was someone who in his transparency was saying, \"I don't know how to do it.\"\r\n\r\nAnn (09:52):\r\n\r\nDo you think that's typical of parents that feel like, \"I don't know what to do.\"\r\n\r\nDon (09:56):\r\n\r\nIn my church it was.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:58):\r\n\r\nI think in ours too. And I've talked to a lot of parents; they just don't know what to do. And so it's not that they're just saying, \"Let the church do it.\" They're saying, \"I'm not as equipped.\"\r\n\r\nDon (10:07):\r\n\r\nThat's right. And same with the Bible. The same dad, he said to me, \"The only Bible reading I've done is my children's storybook Bible that I read to my kids. That's the only time I spend in the Bible.\" And so for someone like that, the good news of the research is you don't have to be really good at this. \r\n\r\nDon (10:24):\r\n\r\nThat's the really good news. So I just shared with that guy. I said, \"Brother, here's the thing. You don't have to pray well. You just have to pray.\" And I said, \"And frankly, the research shows us you don't even have to be the one who does it, just initiate it. Just say, hey, we're about to go on vacation. We're all getting in the minivan.\" And just say, \"Hey, I think someone should pray before we go.\" You don't even have to do it. Just initiate it. Or with the Bible, you don't have to know a lot. You don't have to preach sermons. You just need to be in the Bible with each other. And that activity, it's just like being in the game, hitting the ball back at all, the research tells us is the game changer and makes the difference and we start to grow. So I found when I started to invite people to think about their household and the spiritual health of their household, it was really scary for people to do that.\r\n\r\nDon (11:19):\r\n\r\nAnd it brought up all sorts of feels, all sorts of feels. Early on in this one class that we did and this one mom just with tears, I was learning how to talk about this. So I was like, \"On a scale of zero to ten in these three different categories, how do you score?\" And it brought her to tears. And she said, \"My household is not spiritually vibrant at all. We're spiritually dormant.\" And she just started crying.\r\n\r\n(11:44):\r\n\r\nAnd so I ditched having people score their households. I was like, \"That was a lesson for me, but it's so tender.\" And again, grandparents are involved, single people. I mean, everyone is involved in the biblical view of households, and we can talk about that, but I think especially for parents who have kids in the home, it is so tender. Research confirms what Scripture tells us, which is just start hitting the ball back, just get in the game a little bit and start into some of these activities. And there are three that were highlighted in the research that came out, but it's like just don't even be great. Don't try to be great, just get in the game. And even that is a real game changer. And so that's not heavy. That's actually empowering and inspiring.\r\n\r\nDave (12:28):\r\n\r\nYeah, that is. I mean, I know, because I'm a parent and we feel, we want our kids to grow up to be men and women of faith, and we feel that we're not doing a good job. I think every parent feels that way. And so when you say there's just three things you got to do, and I had no idea until I read it, what's a messy prayer, loud tables and open doors. So I think parents are leaning in right now saying, okay, I'm that mom. I'm in tears. We're dormant. We're not vibrant. You're telling me that we can be vibrant and it's not a big leap. Okay, so what do I do?\r\n\r\nAnn (13:06):\r\n\r\nAnd Dave, let me add this too. I think when we have our kids are growing up and they're teenagers, I remember feeling like they don't want me to talk about it. They're like, \"Mom, you're so weird.\" \r\n\r\nDon (13:17):\r\n\r\nThey don't want you to talk about anything.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:18):\r\n\r\nSo maybe that's it. But I do remember, because as they were little, I was talking about it a lot. And then there came this phase where they're all in different places spiritually. And so I felt like I'm bugging them. \"Mom, could you stop talking about it? We already know.\" And so then as parents, we have a tendency like, \"Am I doing it wrong?\"\r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYou pull back too. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nThat's what I was going to say. I pulled back. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nSure.\r\n\r\nDave (13:39):\r\n\r\nYeah. So where do we start? Because it was pretty interesting research to find out that, man, it all came down to the\u2014I know it's not just these three things, but it sort of ended there. \r\n\r\nI tell you what, Ann, after all these years, I think I know absolutely everything about you.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:57):\r\n\r\nReally? Well, Spouse-Ology might prove otherwise.\r\n\r\nDave (14:01):\r\n\r\nUh-oh.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:02):\r\n\r\nSee how well you know your spouse and have a lot of fun finding out. Get Spouse-Ology at shop.FamilyLife.com.\r\n\r\nDon (14:14):\r\n\r\nThe research showed us that there are three activities that tend to correspond with more vibrant faith in the home. And none of these are\u2014well, one of them is shocking. Two of them aren't shocking, one of them shocking. So they are to apply spiritual disciplines. So that's what I call messy prayers. It's like you have some kind of Bible life and some kind of prayer life together. The second one is engaging in spiritual conversations. So I call that loud tables. Research tells us if a family's all together and they're talking, usually they're eating food. That's what the research says.\r\n\r\n(14:45):\r\n\r\nAnd so just talking about spiritual things, so that's the second one. So those aren't hugely surprising. And then the third one did surprise us, and that is what we call open doors or extending hospitality. The more hospitable a household is, the more vibrant the faith of those who are in the home. And we can talk about why that is. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nOh, that's so interesting. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nI got shocked because we didn't expect to find that. Because you tend to think, well, if I close my family off, protect them from the world outside, and it turns out having an insular household is actually a risk factor for their faith; but having open doors, and it doesn't even matter who the people are, it doesn't matter if they're Christians or not, having people in and out of your household actually increases spiritual vibrancy. So we can get into that, but those are the three, messy prayers, loud tables, and open doors, that those three just activities and being active in those areas tends to correspond with more spiritual vibrance.\r\n\r\nDave (15:41):\r\n\r\nOkay, so let's talk messy prayers. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nYeah, let's do it. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nI know it's not just praying, although it sounds like it, but it's spiritual discipline. What's that look like in a home?\r\n\r\nAnn (15:48):\r\n\r\nI like that you named it messy prayers.\r\n\r\nDave (15:51):\r\n\r\nYeah, that you can remember. And they're messy.\r\n\r\nDon (15:54):\r\n\r\nAnd they are messy because everyone has this like, \"I need to be perfect as a parent and do all this.\" I'm thinking of that dad who's like, \"I don't know how to pray.\"\r\n\r\nAnn (16:02):\r\n\r\nI can't pray like the pastor. I can't be like pastor Don.\r\n\r\nDon (16:07):\r\n\r\nSo messy prayers, you just have to interact with God together in some way. And so some of that is prayer. So some of that is like, \"Hey, before the meal, can we have one of us pray?\" I like liturgies, so I'm nerdy like that.\r\n\r\nDon (16:24):\r\n\r\nWhen I started getting the research, it was really convicting me because our household was strong in some of these and not as strong in some of these. And I as a parent was strong in some\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (16:33):\r\n\r\nWhat do you mean? You wrote the book. You were strong in all of them.\r\n\r\nDon (16:35):\r\n\r\nI know, but I did call it messy, didn't I?\r\n\r\nDave (16:36):\r\n\r\nYeah, you're right. You're right.\r\n\r\nDon (16:37):\r\n\r\nMy youngest, when I would tuck him in\u2014he's now 15, he doesn't let me tuck him in anymore, but when I would tuck him in and I would say prayers with him and I would say, \"Amen,\" and for a while he started saying, \"That's it?\"\r\n\r\nDave (16:50):\r\n\r\nWhat?\r\n\r\nDon (16:51):\r\n\r\nYeah. And I said, \"Well, what do you mean?\" He's like, \"You don't have anything else to pray? Mom prays way longer than you do.\"\r\n\r\nDave (16:58):\r\n\r\nYeah. You said that in the book, that he commented, \"Mom's a better prayer than you.\" My kids would totally say the same thing.\r\n\r\nDon (17:04):\r\n\r\nYeah. But it's just being in the game. So when I was in the research, it was like, okay, applying spiritual disciplines. I want to be in prayer more with my household. And so one of the things I did, I ran into this book called Every Moment Holy by Douglas McKelvey, which is this. It's just like new liturgy. So there's a liturgy for your morning coffee. There's a liturgy for changing diapers. Yeah, all this stuff. \r\n\r\nDave (17:25):\r\n\r\nWe\u2019ve seen it. We had them on. It's pretty incredible. I'm the guy that when I first picked it up, I'm like, seriously, the liturgy for folding the laundry. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nOr putting your dog down. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nAnd then I started to read them and I was blown away. It's really beautiful. So you do that?\r\n\r\nDon (17:39):\r\n\r\nYeah. Well, in working on this research, I was convicted. I need to be in prayer more. And so I started all the time. I had that book with me so much so that my family now teases me. I mean, in my first week of doing this, oh, there's a liturgy for that. So now it doesn't matter what it is. We're watching March Madness. Is there a liturgy for that dad? They're teasing me about it. But here's the thing, I'm in the game and I'm leaning in. I want a little more than I did last year to be as a household interacting with God. So some of it is prayer and there's so many different things people can try. And then some of it's being in the Bible, right? And so that's everything from, sure, you could lead a family devotion, but it could also be, \u201cHey, this is my favorite verse to\u2014\"\r\n\r\n(18:23):\r\n\r\nI've known families, so they'll just, in hearing the research, they just started writing scripture verses on their walls and just kind of put. I mean, it says in there, put it on the gates, just putting up or I started taking with a dry erase marker, you can write on windows and mirrors.\r\n\r\n(18:40):\r\n\r\nAnd I started putting scripture verses up on our front window and on the front door, the window on the front door as we came in and out. Is that silly? I don't care. It was like helping my household relate with God together. And that's one of the things the research says.\r\n\r\nDave (18:56):\r\n\r\nYeah. One of the things that I loved about your book is under messy prayers you have arrange the kindling, add another log, stoke the coals, and then you give all these ideas, which you just shared several of them. But I mean, under arrange the kindling, sort of getting the fire going a little bit, spend more time together playing, eating and simply having fun. You're like, whoa, whoa, wait. There you go. I thought I have to pray all the time. You're like, no, no, no. Just start with being together and having some fun. Prayers come out of that, right?\r\n\r\nDon (19:23):\r\n\r\nThey do. The research showed us that these spiritually vibrant households, so they're doing these three activities together, are doing everything together. They're doing chores together. They're singing together. I mean, not to paint a perfect picture, they're arguing together. They do homework together. They go to the movies. They eat. You want a household that has an atmosphere of you do stuff together, even fun stuff. And so if someone's sitting there like, \"Yeah, we don't even talk to each other. We're all in our own rooms on our own devices.\" How can I go from that to leading a family devotion? That is not happening. And that's why I use the image of like, well, don't go from no embers to a bonfire.\r\n\r\n(20:03):\r\n\r\nYou don't have to do that. Start interacting more together. That's actually a catalyst. Eat more, go out to eat together. Those are catalysts for altering the atmosphere of your household where you are doing more things together. Even that is creating an environment that is more conducive to these things.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:22):\r\n\r\nEven when our kids were little, I remember thinking, I have no time with Jesus now. I used to have this great little sit-down devotional.\r\n\r\nDon (20:29):\r\n\r\nQuiet time.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:30):\r\n\r\nQuiet time.\r\n\r\nDon (20:31):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:32):\r\n\r\nAnd then I had babies and I thought, I can't even do this anymore. My kids were up early. I had three boys, so they're really rambunctious and our household is crazy. And so what I realized is that I just have to bring, it's really Deuteronomy 6 into our family. I'm just going to pray all the time if I'm thinking it and I'm desperate. \r\n\r\nDave (20:54):\r\n\r\nAnd she does.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:56):\r\n\r\nBut you guys\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (20:57):\r\n\r\nShe does. It's actually beautiful.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:58):\r\n\r\nI was so desperate and broken and I'm seeing the sinfulness of my life. \r\n\r\nDave (21:02):\r\n\r\nShe's praying for a parking spot. She's praying. I mean, it was just like\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (21:04):\r\n\r\nNo, I'd be like going to school in the morning. I'm saying, \u201cJesus, it's cloudy again. Lord.\u201d And I'm just talking to Him, sharing what I'm feeling, thinking. I'd have the boys and even as little elementary, like kindergartners, guys, is there anything you need prayer for? Do you want to pray for that? Pray for each other. But I also realized if I wasn't thinking about that, it's because it wasn't on my heart and mind, which then was convicting. I haven't thought about anything spiritually all day. But that was a little bit of a clue of, I need to get in the Word or listen to the Word. We have so many great tools now that we can just put our audio on, our audible on and listen to the Word.\r\n\r\nDave (21:45):\r\n\r\nWell, here's the thing. We've only talked about one of the three. Yeah. And I think you've given us some great direction on how to do that. So I would say to a listener, just pray.\r\n\r\nDon (21:56):\r\n\r\nThat's it.\r\n\r\nDave (21:57):\r\n\r\nOr initiate. Initiate. Here's what you could do. Have your son pray. You don't even have to, but if you just initiate a messy prayer. And I used to think, because when the kids were little, you'd be praying and kids are crawling on your head. They're throwing things into the fireplace.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:12):\r\n\r\nThey're not listening. \r\n\r\nDave (22:13):\r\n\r\nAnd you're like, \"This doesn't work. It's supposed to be this nice tight little family.\" No, that's messy.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:17):\r\n\r\nNormal.\r\n\r\nDave (22:18):\r\n\r\nAnd that's good.\r\n\r\nDon (22:19):\r\n\r\nAnd it's good and it's right. And again, if people, if it's too much like, \"Well, we're going to fold our hands and close our eyes.\" Don't do that. I encouraged this one dad at my church who wanted to pray more, but how do I initiate it? I said, \"Pray blessings. Just extend your hand. They're walking out the door. You're dropping off at school. May you. Just say may you and then say things you want for them.\" And that's prayer. And then that's a thing for me as a dad, that empowered me. And it was convicting because it's like, \"What do I want for you?\" It made me think. What is it that I\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (22:50):\r\n\r\nSpeak it out.\r\n\r\nDon (22:51):\r\n\r\nHow do I speak it out? So vocalizing those things force me to even pray bigger for my kids. And then I involve them. So anyone who's at our house who would be open to it when they're leaving, it's like, \"Hey kids, come on. We're going to pray blessing over them. Everyone, may you, what do you guys want for them? What do you guys want?\" So that's prayer. That's like relating with God together. Don't have to be fancy. Doesn't have to be long.\r\n\r\nDave (23:15):\r\n\r\nJust do it. \r\n\r\nDon (23:16):\r\n\r\nJust do it. \r\n\r\nAnn (23:17):\r\n\r\nJust start.\r\n\r\nDon (23:17):\r\n\r\nJust start.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:18):\r\n\r\nSimply.\r\n\r\nDave (23:21):\r\n\r\nI'm almost positive that our listeners have no idea how important they are to our program.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:28):\r\n\r\nI think you're right.\r\n\r\nDave (23:30):\r\n\r\nOur prayer partners and especially our financial partners, people who donate financially to FamilyLife Today, make this program actually happen.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:40):\r\n\r\nAnd your monthly gift really is changing the hearts and lives of families, not only here, but around the world.\r\n\r\nDave (23:50):\r\n\r\nYeah. We just want to say we would love for you to join and be a partner with us. You make this program happen. You are literally changing the world. It's like I'm going to make sure that other people, even my neighbors down the street, lives are changed because of this program. And if you'd like to jump in and join us and become a partner, all you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the donate button right there and you can start joining today. We would love to have you as a partner with us to change the world for Jesus.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:18):\r\n\r\nJoin us.\r\n\r\nDave (24:20):\r\n\r\nWhat a great day with Don Everts. And again, his book is called The Spiritually Vibrant Home: The Power of Messy Prayers, Loud Tables and Open Doors. Get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. And we've got Don with us again tomorrow. We'll see you then.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry; 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Family devotions fizzled again? Don Everts joins Dave and Ann Wilson on FamilyLife Today with research on how to build faith at home in real life.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shoplhm.org\/vibrant-conversation-deck\/\">Vibrant Conversation Deck<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/weekend-to-remember\/\">Weekend to Remember<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-10-07.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nHow to Build Faith at Home (Without Doing More): Don Everts\r\n\r\nGuest:Don Everts\r\n\r\nFrom the series:What Makes Faith Stick at Home? Don Everts (Day 1 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:October 7, 2026\r\n\r\nDon (00:04):\r\n\r\nYou don't have to pray well. You just have to pray. You don't even have to be the one who does it, just initiate it. Like hey, we're about to go on vacation. We're all getting in the minivan and just say, \"Hey, I think someone should pray before we go.\" You don't even have to do it. Just initiate it. Or with the Bible, you don't have to know a lot. You just need to be in the Bible with each other. And that activity, it's just like being in the game, hitting the ball back at all, the research tells us is the game changer.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:40):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:47):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nAll right, what would you say, all these years being in ministry, writing marriage and family books and our last book on parenting, what would you say most parents in the church would say is the most important thing they can do to raise kids that love Jesus?\r\n\r\nAnn (01:16):\r\n\r\nMost would say get them in a good church, good youth program, or a good Christian school. I think most people would say that and think that.\r\n\r\nDave (01:25):\r\n\r\nYeah. Or good youth group.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:26):\r\n\r\nYeah. \r\n\r\nDave (01:27):\r\n\r\nNo question.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:27):\r\n\r\nI don't think I would say that, but I think that's what most people would say.\r\n\r\nDave (01:30):\r\n\r\nWell, I'm asking what you would say.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:32):\r\n\r\nOh.\r\n\r\nDave (01:32):\r\n\r\nNo, I asked you what others would say. Actually, I'm just sitting up Don Everts is with us today and he wrote a book about this.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:39):\r\n\r\nRight.\r\n\r\nDave (01:40):\r\n\r\nAnd I mean, the title is The Spiritually Vibrant Home. So Don, you're a pastor, you're a dad, you're a husband, you've researched this, but we can't wait to hear your expertise because it doesn't matter what we think or what other Christian parents thinks. It matters what you think. So welcome to FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDon (01:56):\r\n\r\nGreat to be with both of you. Thanks for having me.\r\n\r\nDave (01:58):\r\n\r\nSo as you sit over there and you listen to that question\u2014\r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nDave (02:02):\r\n\r\n\u2014and we're going to get into the research because as I went through this book, there's charts everywhere and I'm a visual guy. So I kept telling Ann, \"Hey, look at this chart. Look at that chart.\" So everything you're going to share with us is really based on research. So I'm going to ask you the same question. What do you think most parents, you probably know, how do they answer that question? I'm guessing most Christian parents are like, \"I want my kids to love Jesus. I want them to grow into adults that love Jesus.\" So they're thinking, \"Here's how I do it.\" What's the common answer?\r\n\r\nDon (02:35):\r\n\r\nI think the default for a lot of people in the circles that I've been in is similar to what do I do if I want my kid to have good teeth? I take them to the professionals. I take them to the dentist. That's my job. I bring them to someone who can help them. And I think it's the same. I think the default answer in a lot of churches is I'm going above and beyond if I get my kids to church. And that's more than a lot of people do. I feel heroic to do it and exhausted after doing it on some Sundays and that's it. And so I deliver them to the experts, the youth minister or the pastor himself or someone who's going to disciple them and that sort of thing. I think that's the temptation that people have.\r\n\r\nAnn (03:19):\r\n\r\nThose are good goals to have, but are they the best and is that what grows our kids spiritually?\r\n\r\nDon (03:25):\r\n\r\nExactly. And that's what looking both at research and at what the scriptures say about God's plan or what really works.\r\n\r\nDave (03:33):\r\n\r\nSo as you started to look at this research, well tell us a little bit how'd the research go? \r\n\r\nDon (03:39):\r\n\r\nYes. So we work with the Barna Group. So I work with Lutheran Hour Ministries. And so it's just a hundred-year-old evangelism ministry with a weird name. And we partner with the Barna Group who are these social science, total nerds. I mean, I love them. They're so smart. And we want to find out about this area. We have a curiosity that we find out all this stuff and then we ask, do they have anything in common? They do all that careful research to find out that what we're landing on really is something real that's really happening.\r\n\r\nDave (04:11):\r\n\r\nWell, let's start with, and you start in the book with households.\r\n\r\nDon (04:14):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nDave (04:15):\r\n\r\nWhy that is the center, why that's important even to Jesus, even scripturally. So help us start there.\r\n\r\nDon (04:22):\r\n\r\nYeah. It turns out that households are mentioned by name in the Bible over 2,100 times.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:29):\r\n\r\nI am shocked by this. When I read that, I had no idea.\r\n\r\nDon (04:32):\r\n\r\nI mean, we're used to thinking of God relates with me as an individual and that's beautiful and that's true. And there are passages that remind us of that.\r\n\r\n(04:40):\r\n\r\nAnd we know that God relates with his people. So the nation in the Old Testament, the church in the New Testament, God relates with us as a congregation. So it's like those are the categories we have. But when you put on your household lenses and you start flipping through the Bible, you realize, oh, there's this other category kind of in between those two that is everywhere in the Bible. You can just read right over it. You're not used to thinking about it. But it turns out that the household, God sees it as the real redemptive laboratory. The discipleship laboratory that God promotes throughout the Old and New Testament is the household. And so that's why our research centered on that and why the research kind of made us return back to the Bible. What was God's idea with the household, and what parents and kids and grandparents and extended households, how were we designed to be people of faith and to pass that on from one generation to another?\r\n\r\n(05:39):\r\n\r\nAnd the household's pretty central to that.\r\n\r\nDave (05:41):\r\n\r\nHow would you answer that question when you study the Bible? And of course this is what we do at FamilyLife.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:45):\r\n\r\nYeah. What's some scripture too?\r\n\r\nDave (05:47):\r\n\r\nIt's all about the household. It's all about the family. As you try to answer that question, okay, what was God's intent, mission for the family? How would you answer that?\r\n\r\nDon (05:58):\r\n\r\nI mean, I feel like Deuteronomy 6 is huge. And so you're there on the plains of Moab and Moses is reiterating and here's what God says. I mean, that's where we get the Shema, \"Here, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.\" And here's everything he says. And it's like the handing over of the words of God. And right at that moment is when the words from God are, \"Now everything I've just given you, I want you to talk about it when you lie down at night, when you're walking on the way, talk about it with your children, write it on the doorposts, put it on the gate of your home.\" It was meant to be talked about and lived out within the context of their household. And that's from the very beginning. And then you can kind of trace from there. You think of Joshua going into the promised land, \"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.\" What does that mean and why is that there?\r\n\r\n(06:49):\r\n\r\nAnd you start realizing all these folks who are being used by God and doing things for God in the Scriptures, it usually says, \"And their household.\"\r\n\r\n(06:59):\r\n\r\nBut we kind of read right over that. \r\n\r\nAnn (07:00):\r\n\r\nIt's so funny I've never thought of that so much. Those verses, all of us know those verses. We hear them, but we don't think of that's attached to our homes, our households, our people.\r\n\r\nDon (07:10):\r\n\r\nYes. And I think from the research I've done, the reading that I've done, I think there's something particular about our culture in the West because there's such an emphasis on the individual. And it is true that God relates with us as individuals, but we tend to kind of keep going back to that. And I think it makes us miss what's on most pages of the Bible, which is you operate in households and that's how God intends it to be. So I would say it starts there and then you see it all throughout the Old Testament, all throughout the New Testament where you have households, that God sees households, households rise and fall together. I mean, that's a huge emphasis in the wisdom literature in the Old Testament, not just live a certain way because it's good for you. It's live a certain way because it's good for your household.\r\n\r\n(07:57):\r\n\r\nAnd if you do other things, it's not just that you're guilty, it's bad for your household. That's emphasized in the wisdom literature. So it's all throughout there that we live in households, we're intended to live in households and they matter to God.\r\n\r\nDave (08:11):\r\n\r\nSo that very thought for where we started, a lot of Christian parents think the church is central.\r\n\r\nDon (08:18):\r\n\r\nThat's right.\r\n\r\nDave (08:18):\r\n\r\nGet them to the church, get them in a youth group, which obviously it is.\r\n\r\nDon (08:23):\r\n\r\nThat's right.\r\n\r\nDave (08:23):\r\n\r\nBut you're saying really scripturally, probably more important than a church. I mean, I know they're both way up there, but the household, your family is critical.\r\n\r\nDon (08:33):\r\n\r\nThat's right. Ultimately, it is this partnership and it takes both, but there is a way I think that it's tempting for us to kind of abrogate our responsibility, have the church take care of it. And some of that is because it's not that people just don't want to do it or are lazy or whatever. In my experience, a lot of it is because people are parenting and grandparenting how they were parented and grandparented.\r\n\r\n(09:00):\r\n\r\nI mean, when we started really wrestling with this at the church I was in at the time where I was pastoring at the time, there was a lot of insecurity in people and even a lot of shame as people began to talk about\u2014I remember this dad saying to me, because one of the findings, this is not shocking, is that if you pray as a household, that helps your faith grow. So it's not rocket science. But this one dad saying to me, he pulled me aside after class and he said, \"I don't know how to pray out loud and I've never prayed out loud.\" And he just kind of said that with this heaviness, because you know how intense parents are about wanting to raise their kids, want their kids to turn out well. And he's realizing it depends on me. I don't know how to do this.\r\n\r\n(09:43):\r\n\r\nSo it's not necessarily that he's like, \"Let someone else teach my kid how to pray.\" It was someone who in his transparency was saying, \"I don't know how to do it.\"\r\n\r\nAnn (09:52):\r\n\r\nDo you think that's typical of parents that feel like, \"I don't know what to do.\"\r\n\r\nDon (09:56):\r\n\r\nIn my church it was.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:58):\r\n\r\nI think in ours too. And I've talked to a lot of parents; they just don't know what to do. And so it's not that they're just saying, \"Let the church do it.\" They're saying, \"I'm not as equipped.\"\r\n\r\nDon (10:07):\r\n\r\nThat's right. And same with the Bible. The same dad, he said to me, \"The only Bible reading I've done is my children's storybook Bible that I read to my kids. That's the only time I spend in the Bible.\" And so for someone like that, the good news of the research is you don't have to be really good at this. \r\n\r\nDon (10:24):\r\n\r\nThat's the really good news. So I just shared with that guy. I said, \"Brother, here's the thing. You don't have to pray well. You just have to pray.\" And I said, \"And frankly, the research shows us you don't even have to be the one who does it, just initiate it. Just say, hey, we're about to go on vacation. We're all getting in the minivan.\" And just say, \"Hey, I think someone should pray before we go.\" You don't even have to do it. Just initiate it. Or with the Bible, you don't have to know a lot. You don't have to preach sermons. You just need to be in the Bible with each other. And that activity, it's just like being in the game, hitting the ball back at all, the research tells us is the game changer and makes the difference and we start to grow. So I found when I started to invite people to think about their household and the spiritual health of their household, it was really scary for people to do that.\r\n\r\nDon (11:19):\r\n\r\nAnd it brought up all sorts of feels, all sorts of feels. Early on in this one class that we did and this one mom just with tears, I was learning how to talk about this. So I was like, \"On a scale of zero to ten in these three different categories, how do you score?\" And it brought her to tears. And she said, \"My household is not spiritually vibrant at all. We're spiritually dormant.\" And she just started crying.\r\n\r\n(11:44):\r\n\r\nAnd so I ditched having people score their households. I was like, \"That was a lesson for me, but it's so tender.\" And again, grandparents are involved, single people. I mean, everyone is involved in the biblical view of households, and we can talk about that, but I think especially for parents who have kids in the home, it is so tender. Research confirms what Scripture tells us, which is just start hitting the ball back, just get in the game a little bit and start into some of these activities. And there are three that were highlighted in the research that came out, but it's like just don't even be great. Don't try to be great, just get in the game. And even that is a real game changer. And so that's not heavy. That's actually empowering and inspiring.\r\n\r\nDave (12:28):\r\n\r\nYeah, that is. I mean, I know, because I'm a parent and we feel, we want our kids to grow up to be men and women of faith, and we feel that we're not doing a good job. I think every parent feels that way. And so when you say there's just three things you got to do, and I had no idea until I read it, what's a messy prayer, loud tables and open doors. So I think parents are leaning in right now saying, okay, I'm that mom. I'm in tears. We're dormant. We're not vibrant. You're telling me that we can be vibrant and it's not a big leap. Okay, so what do I do?\r\n\r\nAnn (13:06):\r\n\r\nAnd Dave, let me add this too. I think when we have our kids are growing up and they're teenagers, I remember feeling like they don't want me to talk about it. They're like, \"Mom, you're so weird.\" \r\n\r\nDon (13:17):\r\n\r\nThey don't want you to talk about anything.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:18):\r\n\r\nSo maybe that's it. But I do remember, because as they were little, I was talking about it a lot. And then there came this phase where they're all in different places spiritually. And so I felt like I'm bugging them. \"Mom, could you stop talking about it? We already know.\" And so then as parents, we have a tendency like, \"Am I doing it wrong?\"\r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYou pull back too. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nThat's what I was going to say. I pulled back. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nSure.\r\n\r\nDave (13:39):\r\n\r\nYeah. So where do we start? Because it was pretty interesting research to find out that, man, it all came down to the\u2014I know it's not just these three things, but it sort of ended there. \r\n\r\nI tell you what, Ann, after all these years, I think I know absolutely everything about you.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:57):\r\n\r\nReally? Well, Spouse-Ology might prove otherwise.\r\n\r\nDave (14:01):\r\n\r\nUh-oh.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:02):\r\n\r\nSee how well you know your spouse and have a lot of fun finding out. Get Spouse-Ology at shop.FamilyLife.com.\r\n\r\nDon (14:14):\r\n\r\nThe research showed us that there are three activities that tend to correspond with more vibrant faith in the home. And none of these are\u2014well, one of them is shocking. Two of them aren't shocking, one of them shocking. So they are to apply spiritual disciplines. So that's what I call messy prayers. It's like you have some kind of Bible life and some kind of prayer life together. The second one is engaging in spiritual conversations. So I call that loud tables. Research tells us if a family's all together and they're talking, usually they're eating food. That's what the research says.\r\n\r\n(14:45):\r\n\r\nAnd so just talking about spiritual things, so that's the second one. So those aren't hugely surprising. And then the third one did surprise us, and that is what we call open doors or extending hospitality. The more hospitable a household is, the more vibrant the faith of those who are in the home. And we can talk about why that is. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nOh, that's so interesting. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nI got shocked because we didn't expect to find that. Because you tend to think, well, if I close my family off, protect them from the world outside, and it turns out having an insular household is actually a risk factor for their faith; but having open doors, and it doesn't even matter who the people are, it doesn't matter if they're Christians or not, having people in and out of your household actually increases spiritual vibrancy. So we can get into that, but those are the three, messy prayers, loud tables, and open doors, that those three just activities and being active in those areas tends to correspond with more spiritual vibrance.\r\n\r\nDave (15:41):\r\n\r\nOkay, so let's talk messy prayers. \r\n\r\nDon:\r\n\r\nYeah, let's do it. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nI know it's not just praying, although it sounds like it, but it's spiritual discipline. What's that look like in a home?\r\n\r\nAnn (15:48):\r\n\r\nI like that you named it messy prayers.\r\n\r\nDave (15:51):\r\n\r\nYeah, that you can remember. And they're messy.\r\n\r\nDon (15:54):\r\n\r\nAnd they are messy because everyone has this like, \"I need to be perfect as a parent and do all this.\" I'm thinking of that dad who's like, \"I don't know how to pray.\"\r\n\r\nAnn (16:02):\r\n\r\nI can't pray like the pastor. I can't be like pastor Don.\r\n\r\nDon (16:07):\r\n\r\nSo messy prayers, you just have to interact with God together in some way. And so some of that is prayer. So some of that is like, \"Hey, before the meal, can we have one of us pray?\" I like liturgies, so I'm nerdy like that.\r\n\r\nDon (16:24):\r\n\r\nWhen I started getting the research, it was really convicting me because our household was strong in some of these and not as strong in some of these. And I as a parent was strong in some\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (16:33):\r\n\r\nWhat do you mean? You wrote the book. You were strong in all of them.\r\n\r\nDon (16:35):\r\n\r\nI know, but I did call it messy, didn't I?\r\n\r\nDave (16:36):\r\n\r\nYeah, you're right. You're right.\r\n\r\nDon (16:37):\r\n\r\nMy youngest, when I would tuck him in\u2014he's now 15, he doesn't let me tuck him in anymore, but when I would tuck him in and I would say prayers with him and I would say, \"Amen,\" and for a while he started saying, \"That's it?\"\r\n\r\nDave (16:50):\r\n\r\nWhat?\r\n\r\nDon (16:51):\r\n\r\nYeah. And I said, \"Well, what do you mean?\" He's like, \"You don't have anything else to pray? Mom prays way longer than you do.\"\r\n\r\nDave (16:58):\r\n\r\nYeah. You said that in the book, that he commented, \"Mom's a better prayer than you.\" My kids would totally say the same thing.\r\n\r\nDon (17:04):\r\n\r\nYeah. But it's just being in the game. So when I was in the research, it was like, okay, applying spiritual disciplines. I want to be in prayer more with my household. And so one of the things I did, I ran into this book called Every Moment Holy by Douglas McKelvey, which is this. It's just like new liturgy. So there's a liturgy for your morning coffee. There's a liturgy for changing diapers. Yeah, all this stuff. \r\n\r\nDave (17:25):\r\n\r\nWe\u2019ve seen it. We had them on. It's pretty incredible. I'm the guy that when I first picked it up, I'm like, seriously, the liturgy for folding the laundry. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nOr putting your dog down. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nAnd then I started to read them and I was blown away. It's really beautiful. So you do that?\r\n\r\nDon (17:39):\r\n\r\nYeah. Well, in working on this research, I was convicted. I need to be in prayer more. And so I started all the time. I had that book with me so much so that my family now teases me. I mean, in my first week of doing this, oh, there's a liturgy for that. So now it doesn't matter what it is. We're watching March Madness. Is there a liturgy for that dad? They're teasing me about it. But here's the thing, I'm in the game and I'm leaning in. I want a little more than I did last year to be as a household interacting with God. So some of it is prayer and there's so many different things people can try. And then some of it's being in the Bible, right? And so that's everything from, sure, you could lead a family devotion, but it could also be, \u201cHey, this is my favorite verse to\u2014\"\r\n\r\n(18:23):\r\n\r\nI've known families, so they'll just, in hearing the research, they just started writing scripture verses on their walls and just kind of put. I mean, it says in there, put it on the gates, just putting up or I started taking with a dry erase marker, you can write on windows and mirrors.\r\n\r\n(18:40):\r\n\r\nAnd I started putting scripture verses up on our front window and on the front door, the window on the front door as we came in and out. Is that silly? I don't care. It was like helping my household relate with God together. And that's one of the things the research says.\r\n\r\nDave (18:56):\r\n\r\nYeah. One of the things that I loved about your book is under messy prayers you have arrange the kindling, add another log, stoke the coals, and then you give all these ideas, which you just shared several of them. But I mean, under arrange the kindling, sort of getting the fire going a little bit, spend more time together playing, eating and simply having fun. You're like, whoa, whoa, wait. There you go. I thought I have to pray all the time. You're like, no, no, no. Just start with being together and having some fun. Prayers come out of that, right?\r\n\r\nDon (19:23):\r\n\r\nThey do. The research showed us that these spiritually vibrant households, so they're doing these three activities together, are doing everything together. They're doing chores together. They're singing together. I mean, not to paint a perfect picture, they're arguing together. They do homework together. They go to the movies. They eat. You want a household that has an atmosphere of you do stuff together, even fun stuff. And so if someone's sitting there like, \"Yeah, we don't even talk to each other. We're all in our own rooms on our own devices.\" How can I go from that to leading a family devotion? That is not happening. And that's why I use the image of like, well, don't go from no embers to a bonfire.\r\n\r\n(20:03):\r\n\r\nYou don't have to do that. Start interacting more together. That's actually a catalyst. Eat more, go out to eat together. Those are catalysts for altering the atmosphere of your household where you are doing more things together. Even that is creating an environment that is more conducive to these things.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:22):\r\n\r\nEven when our kids were little, I remember thinking, I have no time with Jesus now. I used to have this great little sit-down devotional.\r\n\r\nDon (20:29):\r\n\r\nQuiet time.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:30):\r\n\r\nQuiet time.\r\n\r\nDon (20:31):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:32):\r\n\r\nAnd then I had babies and I thought, I can't even do this anymore. My kids were up early. I had three boys, so they're really rambunctious and our household is crazy. And so what I realized is that I just have to bring, it's really Deuteronomy 6 into our family. I'm just going to pray all the time if I'm thinking it and I'm desperate. \r\n\r\nDave (20:54):\r\n\r\nAnd she does.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:56):\r\n\r\nBut you guys\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (20:57):\r\n\r\nShe does. It's actually beautiful.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:58):\r\n\r\nI was so desperate and broken and I'm seeing the sinfulness of my life. \r\n\r\nDave (21:02):\r\n\r\nShe's praying for a parking spot. She's praying. I mean, it was just like\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (21:04):\r\n\r\nNo, I'd be like going to school in the morning. I'm saying, \u201cJesus, it's cloudy again. Lord.\u201d And I'm just talking to Him, sharing what I'm feeling, thinking. I'd have the boys and even as little elementary, like kindergartners, guys, is there anything you need prayer for? Do you want to pray for that? Pray for each other. But I also realized if I wasn't thinking about that, it's because it wasn't on my heart and mind, which then was convicting. I haven't thought about anything spiritually all day. But that was a little bit of a clue of, I need to get in the Word or listen to the Word. We have so many great tools now that we can just put our audio on, our audible on and listen to the Word.\r\n\r\nDave (21:45):\r\n\r\nWell, here's the thing. We've only talked about one of the three. Yeah. And I think you've given us some great direction on how to do that. So I would say to a listener, just pray.\r\n\r\nDon (21:56):\r\n\r\nThat's it.\r\n\r\nDave (21:57):\r\n\r\nOr initiate. Initiate. Here's what you could do. Have your son pray. You don't even have to, but if you just initiate a messy prayer. And I used to think, because when the kids were little, you'd be praying and kids are crawling on your head. They're throwing things into the fireplace.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:12):\r\n\r\nThey're not listening. \r\n\r\nDave (22:13):\r\n\r\nAnd you're like, \"This doesn't work. It's supposed to be this nice tight little family.\" No, that's messy.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:17):\r\n\r\nNormal.\r\n\r\nDave (22:18):\r\n\r\nAnd that's good.\r\n\r\nDon (22:19):\r\n\r\nAnd it's good and it's right. And again, if people, if it's too much like, \"Well, we're going to fold our hands and close our eyes.\" Don't do that. I encouraged this one dad at my church who wanted to pray more, but how do I initiate it? I said, \"Pray blessings. Just extend your hand. They're walking out the door. You're dropping off at school. May you. Just say may you and then say things you want for them.\" And that's prayer. And then that's a thing for me as a dad, that empowered me. And it was convicting because it's like, \"What do I want for you?\" It made me think. What is it that I\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (22:50):\r\n\r\nSpeak it out.\r\n\r\nDon (22:51):\r\n\r\nHow do I speak it out? So vocalizing those things force me to even pray bigger for my kids. And then I involve them. So anyone who's at our house who would be open to it when they're leaving, it's like, \"Hey kids, come on. We're going to pray blessing over them. Everyone, may you, what do you guys want for them? What do you guys want?\" So that's prayer. That's like relating with God together. Don't have to be fancy. Doesn't have to be long.\r\n\r\nDave (23:15):\r\n\r\nJust do it. \r\n\r\nDon (23:16):\r\n\r\nJust do it. \r\n\r\nAnn (23:17):\r\n\r\nJust start.\r\n\r\nDon (23:17):\r\n\r\nJust start.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:18):\r\n\r\nSimply.\r\n\r\nDave (23:21):\r\n\r\nI'm almost positive that our listeners have no idea how important they are to our program.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:28):\r\n\r\nI think you're right.\r\n\r\nDave (23:30):\r\n\r\nOur prayer partners and especially our financial partners, people who donate financially to FamilyLife Today, make this program actually happen.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:40):\r\n\r\nAnd your monthly gift really is changing the hearts and lives of families, not only here, but around the world.\r\n\r\nDave (23:50):\r\n\r\nYeah. We just want to say we would love for you to join and be a partner with us. You make this program happen. You are literally changing the world. It's like I'm going to make sure that other people, even my neighbors down the street, lives are changed because of this program. And if you'd like to jump in and join us and become a partner, all you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the donate button right there and you can start joining today. We would love to have you as a partner with us to change the world for Jesus.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:18):\r\n\r\nJoin us.\r\n\r\nDave (24:20):\r\n\r\nWhat a great day with Don Everts. And again, his book is called The Spiritually Vibrant Home: The Power of Messy Prayers, Loud Tables and Open Doors. Get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. And we've got Don with us again tomorrow. We'll see you then.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry; 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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