{"id":318541,"date":"2026-08-06T05:49:16","date_gmt":"2026-08-06T09:49:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton\/"},"modified":"2026-08-06T05:49:17","modified_gmt":"2026-08-06T09:49:17","slug":"how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;re wondering how to forgive someone after deep hurt, easy answers won&#8217;t help. Chris Singleton joins Dave and Ann Wilson to share what happened after his mother was killed in the Charleston church shooting\u2014and why he refused to let anger have the final word. Join this honest conversation for anyone carrying grief, hurt, or questions they can&#8217;t seem to shake.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wondering how to forgive someone? Chris Singleton joins Dave and Ann Wilson for an honest conversation about grief, hope, and how to move forward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/48a8f22a-cf84-44bc-aa13-b48d00f4ac27\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,2822],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11539],"cwp_profile":[9802],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-318541","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-growing-in-your-faith","podcast_series-what-hate-couldnt-destroy-chris-singleton","cwp_profile-chris-singleton","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/318541\/how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/318541\/how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lev00bZrHx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton\/\">How to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-forgive-someone-after-deep-hurt-chris-singleton\/embed\/#?secret=lev00bZrHx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lev00bZrHx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! 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Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nHow to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton\r\n\r\nGuest:Chris Singleton\r\n\r\nFrom the series:What Hate Couldn\u2019t Destroy: Chris Singleton (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:August 6, 2026\r\n\r\nDave (00:04):\r\n\r\nThere was an event that took place in 2015 in Charleston, South Carolina, that I don't think anyone will ever forget.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:12):\r\n\r\nI remember that, too; devastating.\r\n\r\nClip voice #1 (00:16):\r\n\r\nNine people killed by a young man, 21 years old.\r\n\r\nClip voice #2 (00:20):\r\n\r\nThat a white male, in his early 20s, walked into the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and began shooting. Mr. Roof is charged with nine counts of murder and one count of possession of a weapon during the commission of the crime. You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people. Roof showed no emotion as relatives of the victims addressed him over the video link.\r\n\r\nClip voice #3 (00:49):\r\n\r\nEvery fiber in my body hurts.\r\n\r\nClip voice #4 (00:53):\r\n\r\nI will never talk to her, ever again. I will never be able to hold her again.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:07):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (01:13):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:28):\r\n\r\nThat was the day our country was rocked, and I remember it because it had an effect on me. It had an effect on people that were there.\r\n\r\nDave (01:36):\r\n\r\nAnd we've got a gentleman in the studio today, who is personally affected. Chris Singleton is with us today, who travels the country as an inspirational speaker, former professional baseball player. So Chris, I've heard you speak. You're a YouTube phenomenon. Did you know that?\r\n\r\nChris (01:57):\r\n\r\nWell, I didn't know that, man. I didn't, but I appreciate that for sure, man. \r\n\r\nDave (02:01):\r\n\r\nNo, I mean, I've watched you in front of little kids, and high schoolers, and even businessmen and women. And one of the things I'll never forget\u2014and I'd love to hear you talk about this\u2014is what you call your five numbers: 1, 70, 50, 9, and 1. Did you see that? I didn't even have to look at my notes.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:20):\r\n\r\nI was pretty impressed by that, actually.\r\n\r\nChris (02:22):\r\n\r\nThat was really good, man. \r\n\r\nDave (02:23):\r\n\r\nNo, and when I first heard you say those numbers, I thought, \u201cYou're a baseball guy; you're talking about your average.\u201d You said 170. I'm like, \u201cOh, 170? Is that what he hit?\u201d And then you walked through those numbers, and it's really life changing. So help our listeners understand, what do those numbers mean?\r\n\r\nChris (02:40):\r\n\r\nI call it my struggle moment, man. Those numbers, to me, they keep me going every single day. So there was 1\u20141 person that was misinformed and misled to hate people that looked like me. And unfortunately, this 1 person, he walked into my church, Mother Emmanuel AME, and fired over 70 bullets. And during Bible study that night, over 50 of those bullets entered bodies. He took 9 lives and 1 of those lives happened to be my hero, my mom. And so those numbers to me\u2014when it gets tough, being on the road, when it gets tough, being away from my family\u2014those numbers lock me back in, and they keep me going to keep spreading the good word.\r\n\r\nDave (03:20):\r\n\r\nYeah. So can you take us back? I mean, you get a phone call, you're what, 18 years old, 17?\r\n\r\nChris (03:25):\r\n\r\nYeah. 18 years old. I just finished my freshman year of college, had a pretty good freshman year playing this mid-major school.\r\n\r\nDave (03:33):\r\n\r\nPretty good. I mean, you even beat Clemson. \r\n\r\nChris (03:35):\r\n\r\nYeah, we did. \r\n\r\nDave (03:36):\r\n\r\nIsn't that the first time in school history?\r\n\r\nChris (03:37):\r\n\r\nFirst time in school history to beat Clemson, man. \r\n\r\nDave (03:40):\r\n\r\nDid you do anything in that game?\r\n\r\nChris (03:41):\r\n\r\nI did. I had a great game, man. \r\n\r\nDave (03:43):\r\n\r\nI already know this. I'm trying to let you tell everybody how great you are.\r\n\r\nChris (03:44):\r\n\r\nThank you for telling me\u2014I owe you\u2014I like that, man. So we beat Clemson, four hits, diving catch, and the coolest thing for me, man, my mom was such a baseball mom. She was a teacher at my high school. She's on the intercom the next day: \u201cDid y'all see my baby last night? He had such a good game.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nChris (04:02):\r\n\r\nMan, phenomenal freshman season. But I call it \u201cthe unthinkable\u201d is what happened to me and my family\u2014because we see stuff like that on TV, and in the newspapers, or on our phone, we're scrolling; but we never think it'll happen to us. And that's what that night, June 17th, 2015, was for me. I get a phone call to come down to our church because something bad happened. And ultimately, I get down there and I realize that it wasn't just something bad, but it was the unimaginable\u2014that my mother and eight other people were shot and killed.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:31):\r\n\r\nSo Chris, you have two younger siblings.\r\n\r\nChris (04:34):\r\n\r\nI do. I do. \r\n\r\nAnn (04:35):\r\n\r\nDid they go to the church with you?\u2014or the hospital?\r\n\r\nChris (04:38):\r\n\r\nI went straight to my church\u2014this is fresh\u2014and somebody said, \u201cChris, get down here,\u201d so I went down to my church. They put us in this hotel\u2014is what they had us in\u2014at this time, you see all the social media stuff coming to your phone. Everybody's calling you, but nobody's telling you anything. You just know something bad has happened. I didn't tell my brother and sister to come down there because I had no idea what the severity of it. So ultimately though, that night, I had to tell them that Mom was gone, and it wasn't just me. I had my high school sweetheart, my wife now, that was there with me to help me break that news to them. But it was really, really rough for us in that moment.\r\n\r\nDave (05:15):\r\n\r\nIf I remember right, you got a call from your mom's phone. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nSo you almost think it's her.\r\n\r\nChris (05:20):\r\n\r\nExactly.\r\n\r\nDave (05:21):\r\n\r\nBut it's not, so you have no idea. You get down there. When they say your mom was gone\u2014because not everybody was killed; nine were killed, and she's one of them\u2014do you remember thinking, \"What do I do?\" Or what was your first thought?\r\n\r\nAnn (05:37):\r\n\r\nWere you angry? Were you sad? Walk us through your emotions.\r\n\r\nChris (05:42):\r\n\r\nFirst of all, when I got down there, I was just extremely anxious. I didn't know what was going to happen. We're in a hotel room, but it's actually like a conference room in the hotel. And so everybody in there is screaming, and all the stuff's happening there, police in and out.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:57):\r\n\r\nAnd give us the details of what happened. Someone walked in.\r\n\r\nChris (06:00):\r\n\r\nYeah. This guy walked in with eight magazines of bullets, with hate in his heart\u2014his mission of starting a race war\u2014and he fired all those bullets in my church because of the color of their skin. That's what happened. But that night, I didn't know why it happened or what was going on. I just knew that my mom went to Bible study and later on that night, there was a coroner there. I always mention that I hope people are privileged enough to not know who the coroner is\u2014because I was 18, and I didn't know who she was\u2014but she said to me, \"Chris, can you describe your mom?\u201d\u2014is what she asked me to do? Ultimately, I thought, \u201cWell, is she asked me to describe this because my mom is hurt so bad?\u201d or \u201cIs she asking me this because she's trying to confirm that my mom's okay?\u201d\r\n\r\n(06:42):\r\n\r\nAnd so I described my mom, and finally, she said, \"Chris, it\u2019s confirmed your mother's been taken away.\" And so when I heard that, it's like you go numb, and telling my brother and sister is probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to do in my life.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:57):\r\n\r\nHow old were they at the time?\r\n\r\nChris (06:59):\r\n\r\nLittle brother, 12; little sister, 15\u2014so middle school, high school. Telling them that our hero, our mom, was no longer with us.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:09):\r\n\r\nAnd your dad? \r\n\r\nChris (07:10):\r\n\r\nDad wasn't there that night. He wasn't doing too well. And so I called him and I called other people. I actually called my high school basketball coach. That's why I got such a great relationship with him, because we think\u2014sometimes, as educators, you think you're doing what you're doing; maybe you're making an impact. Well, when my dad didn't answer\u2014my friends are calling me and this and that. And the third, I called my coach. And so for me, that night was rough. It was really rough. There was no sleep that night. My little brother who was 12, I actually slept in the bed next to him and he's crying himself to sleep and for a period there, I didn't give myself any time. I just started thinking, \"What do I got to do for them?\" And we always hear, \"Chris, be strong, stay strong.\" And so I thought being strong meant never crying.\r\n\r\n(08:00):\r\n\r\nI thought being strong meant never showing any emotion. And so there was a small period of time where I thought strength was being a robot and life has a funny way of letting you realize that's not strength, that's just being fake. I'm grateful that God gave me the wisdom to be a real man, and show emotion, and finally come back down to earth and figure out that, \u201cHey, we're all human. We all go through things,\u201d and showing emotion doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're a human being.\r\n\r\nDave (08:29):\r\n\r\nI mean, you had to keep it together. I mean, in some ways were you the dad to your siblings?\r\n\r\nChris (08:34):\r\n\r\nI always say I was like a father figure, but I realized, really quickly, that being a father figure wouldn't work for them\u2014because I'm saying, \"Hey, make sure you do this, do that, straight As, this, that, and the third.\" They're like, \"Chris, if you don't get out of my face, man.\" So I realized I just got to be a big brother because father figure wasn't going to cut it\u2014but definitely taking care of them. I always told them, \"Hey, we want to make Mom proud. We can't let Mom down. Let\u2019s you do what she wants us to do whether she's here on earth or not. We know that she's rejoicing and a better place.\"\r\n\r\nAnn (09:02):\r\n\r\nDid you know the other victims that were killed that night? Did you know any of them?\r\n\r\nChris (09:07):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. Mother Emmanuel, we're a small church. I always joke that the average age at Mother Emmanuel had to be like 65. It was an old church, right? And so the young families, we stuck together. Everybody was like a grandma, grandpa, or auntie, uncle. And so when you did well at your game, everybody at the church knew. When you got a scholarship to play in college, everybody at the church knew. They celebrated you. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nIt's like a family. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nOh man, for sure; it was a family. So I knew everybody that lost their life that night, for sure.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:36):\r\n\r\nOh, so I'm just wondering, here you are this young man. This person walks in to start a race war. How are you not enraged? Did you get to the point, where you're sad\u2014you said you were in shock. Did you get angry?\r\n\r\nChris (09:49):\r\n\r\nSometimes, people ask me, \"Chris, would you change a thing?\" Well, absolutely I would. I want my mom here with me, but I know, for a fact, that God put forgiveness in my heart; because there's no way in the world that I could have said that I forgave my mother's killer. And the way that I describe it is when I forgave my mother's killer, it was like a reporter kind of rushed me and said, \"Hey Chris, how do you feel about it?\" I remember she was from the BBC. She said, \"How do you feel about all these things happening? What do you think about the killer?\" And I said, \"I already forgive him. Our family already forgives him.\" And my sister looks over at me, like, \"We what?\" Right? And for me, I described it as being on autopilot. You know you're driving home sometimes, and you don't even know if you turn left or right, but you just get into your driveway.\r\n\r\n(10:30):\r\n\r\nYou're like, \"Man, I don't know what stoplight I was at. I don't know what stop sign.\" I was on autopilot and that's what it was for me when I forgave my mother's killer, and I know why now. I know why\u2014because forgiveness wasn't just for me that day. It was for so many people that were like, \"Man, if this guy and these families can forgive, how can I not?\" I've just seen so much good come from it. But I was upset then that my mom was no longer here, and I'm still upset that my mom won't see her grandsons play T-ball. So I'll forever be upset, but I think angry and having anger and no, I don't feel that in my heart right now; and I haven't ever.\r\n\r\nDave (11:06):\r\n\r\nI mean, do you remember a process of walking through, like you said, the anger to the forgiveness? Was it instantaneous, or did it take a while? What was that like?\r\n\r\nChris (11:17):\r\n\r\nNo, man. I think when I first lost my mom, we didn't know that she was killed because of the color of her skin. We just knew that a guy walked in and did that. It was just a mass shooting. We didn't know why the mass shooting happened. And so I was just devastated that my mom was gone. I thought it was just a mass shooting that happened. I didn't know the reasoning behind it or nothing like that. I immediately looked at my brother and sister and said, \"Man, our mom is who feeds us. What are we about to do?\" I have no idea. I didn't know anything about car insurance, didn't know anything about healthcare. I didn't know anything. I was blessed to have a mom that took care of all that stuff and so I didn't know. And so immediately I'm trying to figure out, \u201cWell, how are we eating on Tuesday night?\u201d\r\n\r\n(11:57):\r\n\r\n\u201cWho's driving to school for the next five years?\u201d \u201cWhat's going to happen?\u201d And so that's what the process was for me, initially. Now, when things died down\u2014the media went away and all that stuff happened\u2014then I was able to sit down and think, \"Man, my mom was really killed because she's black.\" That's a terrible way for somebody to go. And I'm so grateful that in that time, I think God was molding me; because me, personally\u2014man, if it was just up to me, I would have been like, \"Hey, this happened. I want to play my sport and that's it.\" But God had other plans for me. I didn't see that at the time, but I see that now. The process for me with forgiveness is simple. I think you got to say it out loud. \u201cI forgive Dylan Roof. I forgive him for taking my mother's life.\u201d I think there's got to be something on the other side of that forgiveness.\r\n\r\n(12:45):\r\n\r\nAs a believer, there's something on the other side of salvation for us. When we die, there's eternal life. And so for me on the other side of forgiveness, I think, \u201cMan, now I don't have to think every single young white male is racist.\u201d That's on the other side of forgiveness for me. On the other side is \u201cNow, I don't have to be nervous when I walk into a room; and I can have the door behind me and not be scared,\u201d on the other side of forgiveness. So there's got to be something on the other side of it, when you talk about the process of it. But initially, man, God put it on my heart. I'd be giving myself way too much credit, saying, \u201cI did this and that and processing it.\u201d No, God put it on my heart. That happened, and now, I know why.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:23):\r\n\r\nOne of the questions we get most often this time of year is what study should we do with our small group? \r\n\r\nDave (13:29):\r\n\r\nI thought you were going to say, who's going to win the Super Bowl?\r\n\r\nAnn (13:31):\r\n\r\nI know. I was going to say that. And honestly, if you haven't done the new Art of Marriage, and I said it's a new Art of Marriage yet. \r\n\r\nDave (13:39):\r\n\r\nIt's been like refreshed, redone, and it is awesome.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:43):\r\n\r\nYou should do it. Give it a shot.\r\n\r\nDave (13:45):\r\n\r\nYeah, you can do the Art of Marriage and if you want, maybe you want to do a parenting study. We have the Art of Parenting or Vertical Marriage. They're all video studies and workbooks and they're on sale right now through the end of August, 25% off. That's a deal. I like sales.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:01):\r\n\r\nMe too.\r\n\r\nDave (14:01):\r\n\r\nSo go to FamilyLife.com\/shop, pick out whichever small group study you want to do and go watch God work in your life and even more importantly in the lives of those that you're leading, FamilyLife.com\/shop.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:19):\r\n\r\nI'm listening to you thinking, \u201cMan, this faith!\u201d You're 18 years old and yet, you had this foundational faith. How did that come about?\r\n\r\nChris (14:28):\r\n\r\nYeah, I was raised in the church; but being raised in the church doesn't mean anything. It just means you don't got a choice. That's what that means. And so I went to church, like any other kid would, but I say there's a crossroads. When you go through something really tough, especially when your mom is murdered while she's praying, praying in church. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nShe was praying. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nYeah, in Bible study. You can say, \"Hey, my mom was murdered in church. There's no way God is real.\" You could say that or you could say, \"God, I don't know how in the world this happened or why it happened, but I know only you can get me through it.\" I went with the latter; and because I've gone with the latter, that's where my faith has been strengthened, tenfold. I'm super practical about things; because if your mom was murdered while she's praying, you could say, \"Man, Chris, how could she be killed if she's praying to the God that you serve?\" I'd say, \"God, I don't know how.\r\n\r\n(15:16):\r\n\r\nI don't know why, but I know only you can get me through this mess.\u201d God has come through, time and time after again. So I think my faith is definitely strengthened after it. I used to read my mother's Bible. She used to read from cover to cover. She was one of those types of people. Every year, read cover to cover, and she would highlight things. For me, finally reading the Bible by myself, not just trusting my pastor to do it or my mom to do it\u2014me reading myself. I would read her Bibles and reading those scriptures, that's when I found my faith, not just relying on my mom or my pastor, but I found a relationship for myself.\r\n\r\nDave (15:50):\r\n\r\nI mean, was there ever a moment where you struggled with the: \u201cHow in the world does my mom, or anybody, go to a church, sit in the Bible study, pray, and lose their life?\u201d Did you ever struggle with, \u201cGod, what are you doing?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (16:07):\r\n\r\nOr did your siblings?\r\n\r\nChris (16:09):\r\n\r\nI never struggled with the how, because I think there's, obviously, good in the world\u2014but there's some real bad in the world, unfortunately. There's some people that want to do evil things and I've realized that we have the gift of free will. So some people are going to use it and it's going to be cursed. And so I never struggled with the how, but I always struggle with the why. \u201cWhy did my mom have to go?\u201d The person that would love everybody. She was a track coach, would take you home from school after practice and say, \u201cHey, did you get a meal? If not, let's go to Wendy's or Hardee's or something real quick.\u201d So I struggle with the \u201cWhy?\u201d \u201cWhy my mom?\u201d As far as my faith, I'm so grateful that I didn't go the other way\u2014but my brother had a point in time, where he said, \u201cChris, man, I see you're real strong in your faith, man, but come on now.\r\n\r\n(16:54):\r\n\r\nCome on now. Mom was praying, and that's the same God that you're praying to?\u201d So he really struggled with that for a while. I struggled with it, being big brother. I said, \"Man, if my brother gets in a car accident, I don't know where he's going right now.\" You know what I'm saying? And so I really struggled with that; but there was a guy who was a chaplain for the Patriots. He said, \"Chris, don't push him right now. You push him right now; he's never coming back.\" But he definitely had that struggle with, \u201cMan, Chris, I understand your faith has been strengthened because of it, but Mom was praying and she got killed. So it's tough for me to believe.\u201d He definitely had that.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:28):\r\n\r\nI'm interested, like when you called your basketball coach, what did he say to you?\r\n\r\nChris (17:33):\r\n\r\nThis is a guy that has been there through everything for me. He's actually, I always say this. He's actually the first white person I ever heard say, \"I love you\u201d to me. And he truly meant it too. He poured into us and we still have that relationship to this day; but talking to him, it was all about encouragement. Sometimes it's not about what you say, but it's about being able to pick up the phone and just hear somebody's voice. And even today I'll text him every now and then just say, \"Hey, thank you for all you've done for me in my life.\" And he's always like, \"Man, I love you, Chris.\" So we still have that relationship, but being present sometimes is more important than figuring out the right words to say. Some people ask me, \"What should I say to this person?\" Sometimes the words aren't going to cut it, but just being there lets them know that hey, you care about them.\r\n\r\nDave (18:13):\r\n\r\nSo you were still in college at the time, right?\r\n\r\nChris (18:16):\r\n\r\nYep.\r\n\r\nDave (18:17):\r\n\r\nSo help us understand; you're actually going back to school and playing baseball.\r\n\r\nAnn (18:22):\r\n\r\nI know, Dave. I'm still worried about how did your brother and sister get to school and how did they get fed? \r\n\r\nDave (18:27):\r\n\r\nBecause your dad\u2014was he just AWOL?\u2014he just wasn't part of the\u2014\r\n\r\nChris (18:31):\r\n\r\nHe struggled, man. I would say, in my mind, my dad struggled with alcohol pretty bad. So in my mind, I said, \"Man, this is going to get my dad back on track, man. Losing my mom, he's got no choice but to step up to the plate.\" \r\n\r\nDave (18:43):\r\n\r\nThat\u2019d be a wake-up call; yes.\r\n\r\nChris (18:43):\r\n\r\nIt'd be wake-up call is what I was thinking; but no, it was too much for him. He was really sick. And so my aunt, she actually stepped up to the plate, and they moved in with my aunt for a year. It was rough for them. They didn't want to be in Atlanta. They wanted to be in Charleston where we're from. And so for about a year, year and a half, they lived there until I got drafted by the Cubs. My whole college career after that was, \"Hey, I'm going to make my mom proud.\" She was always the baseball mom. \u201cI'm going to get drafted for my mom.\u201d I always have this hashtag that says, \"Can't let moms down.\" Every post that I make says, \"Can't let moms down.\" That was my goal, being an athlete in college. All I wanted to do was just play sports.\r\n\r\n(19:23):\r\n\r\nI would get all the interviews, \"Hey Chris, you want to do this, do that?\" \u201cI'll do it, but baseball's my thing. That's what I do.\u201d And that's how life was for a couple of years after I lost my mom.\r\n\r\nDave (19:32):\r\n\r\nSo tell us about\u2014you get drafted, you're playing baseball, you're married.\r\n\r\nChris (19:37):\r\n\r\nYep, married.\r\n\r\nDave (19:38):\r\n\r\nAnd do you have any kids at home, at that time, when you're in the minor leagues?\r\n\r\nChris (19:42):\r\n\r\nI did. Yeah. I had my little man CJ, Chris Jr.\r\n\r\nDave (19:45):\r\n\r\nSo he's at home, you're on the road trying to make it to the bigs. You're not playing baseball now.\r\n\r\nChris (19:52):\r\n\r\nNo.\r\n\r\nDave (19:53):\r\n\r\nWalk us through the end of that.\r\n\r\nChris (19:54):\r\n\r\nI always say anybody that is married to an athlete, they got to be superwoman; because you're gone a lot. I was gone seven months out of the year and at home it's not just our son, it's my little brother and my little sister.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:09):\r\n\r\nThey lived with you.\r\n\r\nChris (20:09):\r\n\r\nThey lived with me. Yeah. They lived with us. And so my wife is literally like superwoman. She's\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (20:14):\r\n\r\nYour wife is superwoman. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nOh she is. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYou have your brother and sister living with your wife, and you\u2019re gone.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:18):\r\n\r\nAs soon as you got married, did they come to live with you?\r\n\r\nChris (20:20):\r\n\r\nYeah, and we're 21. We might be 20. We might be 20 at the time and they're teenagers. It's hard, but we got through it. Let's just say that.\r\n\r\nDave (20:31):\r\n\r\nI'm guessing you got a phone call or two from your wife.\r\n\r\nChris (20:33):\r\n\r\nOh my goodness. Yeah. I got the phone calls, \"Hey Chris, this happened, that happened.\" I'm always trying to be man in the middle. \u201cHey, let's just love everybody. Okay?\u201d So I got those, but I was chasing my dream, playing baseball, played a couple seasons. First time ever going to a therapist was when I was playing in the minor leagues because I struggle with my sport. Everybody's like, \"Oh Chris, you're letting your sport get you down, man. You've been through so much. You been through all this and you\u2019re letting baseball hurt you.\" And I was saying, \"Man, baseball has been the one thing that I could have an escape from all the stuff I was going through.\" And when I wasn't having the success, it was tough for me, man, mentally. I started seeing a therapist. It was free therapy, which was super eye-opening for me.\r\n\r\n(21:11):\r\n\r\nI went for about a year and then I ultimately, in 2019, I got released by the Cubs. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was speaking in the off-season; I was getting opportunities. And so when I got released, I immediately made a social media post, \"Hey, I'm done playing ball, but I'm going to continue this mission of teaching love, teaching how we can come together in practical ways.\" So that's what I started to do, and God has blessed it ever since.\r\n\r\nDave (21:35):\r\n\r\nSo you've been doing, you said earlier, 150 or so engagements a year.\r\n\r\nChris (21:42):\r\n\r\nTone that down\u2014about a hundred\u2014to be honest with you, coming up pretty soon. But me and my wife actually sit down every year. We talk about how many days I can be gone. I'm going on a couple\u2019s trip in December. We'll say, \"Baby, how many days are you thinking this year?\" And so I want to make sure that I don't become a public success and private failure. One of my favorite mentors, Inky Johnson, said that and that stuck with me. I never want to become a person where I'm speaking on a stage one day and somebody asks my wife\u2014they say, \"Oh man, Chris is a great guy.\" And my biggest fear is that she says, \"Well, no, he's not. Maybe he's a good guy to you, but he's not good a guy to us.\u201d And that's a fear that I have. I have nightmares about that, so I will never let that happen.\r\n\r\nDave (22:23):\r\n\r\nYeah. I always say when a guy says to me, and this happened hundreds of times, and his wife's standing right beside him and he says something like this, \"God's number one in my life. My wife and my family's number two and my job is number three.\" I never look at the guy. I always look at his wife. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nYeah, that's true. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nWhen he's saying that, it's like her face, her countenance will tell you this is true. She'll be smiling and like, yeah, or she'll be like looking off or even maybe rolling her eyes like, \"Yeah, he's saying that, but it's not real.\" So you're saying it's really your wife that determines if your marriage is good.\r\n\r\nChris (22:59):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely, man. And everybody says the cliche answer, \"Hey, why do you do what you do?\" \u201cOh, my family.\u201d Everybody says that, right? But being gone 150 days a year, I'm not with my family a lot. And so for me, I always say, \"Hey, baby, this is the mission.\" And if she didn't see fruit from that mission, she'd be like, \"Uh-uh, you staying home.\" But I take screenshots of every DM that I get from somebody saying, \"Chris, what you did today changed my heart. What you did today makes me think I can keep going. \" And so I'll save all those, so she knows, \u201cHey, he's not out there twiddling his thumbs. He's trying to do the good work,\u201d and she believes in my message and my mission. \r\n\r\nAnn (23:35):\r\n\r\nWell, I was going to say, you can't do it without her either. You guys are a great team. You're in a team ministry and I love that you're sending those to her because you're saying, \u201cLook what we are doing for the kingdom and for unity in the body.\u201d\r\n\r\nChris (23:49):\r\n\r\nI love it.\r\n\r\nDave (23:55):\r\n\r\nWell, what a journey we've had today with Chris Singleton and again, his book is called Your Life Matters. It's a kid's book and you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com and we're going to have Chris back with us tomorrow.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:10):\r\n\r\nOur vision at FamilyLife is every home, a godly home, and we need your help to get there. And when you become a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and read more about it and become a partner. Just click the donate button at the top and again, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nShelby (24:34):\r\n\r\nAudio clips at the beginning of today's episode came from Charleston County Government and Voice of America. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry, celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Wondering how to forgive someone? Chris Singleton joins Dave and Ann Wilson for an honest conversation about grief, hope, and how to move forward.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p>Purchase Chris' children\u2019s book, \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/your-life-matters\/\">Your Life Matters<\/a>\" on our shop.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-08-06.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nHow to Forgive Someone After Deep Hurt: Chris Singleton\r\n\r\nGuest:Chris Singleton\r\n\r\nFrom the series:What Hate Couldn\u2019t Destroy: Chris Singleton (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:August 6, 2026\r\n\r\nDave (00:04):\r\n\r\nThere was an event that took place in 2015 in Charleston, South Carolina, that I don't think anyone will ever forget.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:12):\r\n\r\nI remember that, too; devastating.\r\n\r\nClip voice #1 (00:16):\r\n\r\nNine people killed by a young man, 21 years old.\r\n\r\nClip voice #2 (00:20):\r\n\r\nThat a white male, in his early 20s, walked into the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and began shooting. Mr. Roof is charged with nine counts of murder and one count of possession of a weapon during the commission of the crime. You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people. Roof showed no emotion as relatives of the victims addressed him over the video link.\r\n\r\nClip voice #3 (00:49):\r\n\r\nEvery fiber in my body hurts.\r\n\r\nClip voice #4 (00:53):\r\n\r\nI will never talk to her, ever again. I will never be able to hold her again.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:07):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (01:13):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:28):\r\n\r\nThat was the day our country was rocked, and I remember it because it had an effect on me. It had an effect on people that were there.\r\n\r\nDave (01:36):\r\n\r\nAnd we've got a gentleman in the studio today, who is personally affected. Chris Singleton is with us today, who travels the country as an inspirational speaker, former professional baseball player. So Chris, I've heard you speak. You're a YouTube phenomenon. Did you know that?\r\n\r\nChris (01:57):\r\n\r\nWell, I didn't know that, man. I didn't, but I appreciate that for sure, man. \r\n\r\nDave (02:01):\r\n\r\nNo, I mean, I've watched you in front of little kids, and high schoolers, and even businessmen and women. And one of the things I'll never forget\u2014and I'd love to hear you talk about this\u2014is what you call your five numbers: 1, 70, 50, 9, and 1. Did you see that? I didn't even have to look at my notes.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:20):\r\n\r\nI was pretty impressed by that, actually.\r\n\r\nChris (02:22):\r\n\r\nThat was really good, man. \r\n\r\nDave (02:23):\r\n\r\nNo, and when I first heard you say those numbers, I thought, \u201cYou're a baseball guy; you're talking about your average.\u201d You said 170. I'm like, \u201cOh, 170? Is that what he hit?\u201d And then you walked through those numbers, and it's really life changing. So help our listeners understand, what do those numbers mean?\r\n\r\nChris (02:40):\r\n\r\nI call it my struggle moment, man. Those numbers, to me, they keep me going every single day. So there was 1\u20141 person that was misinformed and misled to hate people that looked like me. And unfortunately, this 1 person, he walked into my church, Mother Emmanuel AME, and fired over 70 bullets. And during Bible study that night, over 50 of those bullets entered bodies. He took 9 lives and 1 of those lives happened to be my hero, my mom. And so those numbers to me\u2014when it gets tough, being on the road, when it gets tough, being away from my family\u2014those numbers lock me back in, and they keep me going to keep spreading the good word.\r\n\r\nDave (03:20):\r\n\r\nYeah. So can you take us back? I mean, you get a phone call, you're what, 18 years old, 17?\r\n\r\nChris (03:25):\r\n\r\nYeah. 18 years old. I just finished my freshman year of college, had a pretty good freshman year playing this mid-major school.\r\n\r\nDave (03:33):\r\n\r\nPretty good. I mean, you even beat Clemson. \r\n\r\nChris (03:35):\r\n\r\nYeah, we did. \r\n\r\nDave (03:36):\r\n\r\nIsn't that the first time in school history?\r\n\r\nChris (03:37):\r\n\r\nFirst time in school history to beat Clemson, man. \r\n\r\nDave (03:40):\r\n\r\nDid you do anything in that game?\r\n\r\nChris (03:41):\r\n\r\nI did. I had a great game, man. \r\n\r\nDave (03:43):\r\n\r\nI already know this. I'm trying to let you tell everybody how great you are.\r\n\r\nChris (03:44):\r\n\r\nThank you for telling me\u2014I owe you\u2014I like that, man. So we beat Clemson, four hits, diving catch, and the coolest thing for me, man, my mom was such a baseball mom. She was a teacher at my high school. She's on the intercom the next day: \u201cDid y'all see my baby last night? He had such a good game.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nChris (04:02):\r\n\r\nMan, phenomenal freshman season. But I call it \u201cthe unthinkable\u201d is what happened to me and my family\u2014because we see stuff like that on TV, and in the newspapers, or on our phone, we're scrolling; but we never think it'll happen to us. And that's what that night, June 17th, 2015, was for me. I get a phone call to come down to our church because something bad happened. And ultimately, I get down there and I realize that it wasn't just something bad, but it was the unimaginable\u2014that my mother and eight other people were shot and killed.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:31):\r\n\r\nSo Chris, you have two younger siblings.\r\n\r\nChris (04:34):\r\n\r\nI do. I do. \r\n\r\nAnn (04:35):\r\n\r\nDid they go to the church with you?\u2014or the hospital?\r\n\r\nChris (04:38):\r\n\r\nI went straight to my church\u2014this is fresh\u2014and somebody said, \u201cChris, get down here,\u201d so I went down to my church. They put us in this hotel\u2014is what they had us in\u2014at this time, you see all the social media stuff coming to your phone. Everybody's calling you, but nobody's telling you anything. You just know something bad has happened. I didn't tell my brother and sister to come down there because I had no idea what the severity of it. So ultimately though, that night, I had to tell them that Mom was gone, and it wasn't just me. I had my high school sweetheart, my wife now, that was there with me to help me break that news to them. But it was really, really rough for us in that moment.\r\n\r\nDave (05:15):\r\n\r\nIf I remember right, you got a call from your mom's phone. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nSo you almost think it's her.\r\n\r\nChris (05:20):\r\n\r\nExactly.\r\n\r\nDave (05:21):\r\n\r\nBut it's not, so you have no idea. You get down there. When they say your mom was gone\u2014because not everybody was killed; nine were killed, and she's one of them\u2014do you remember thinking, \"What do I do?\" Or what was your first thought?\r\n\r\nAnn (05:37):\r\n\r\nWere you angry? Were you sad? Walk us through your emotions.\r\n\r\nChris (05:42):\r\n\r\nFirst of all, when I got down there, I was just extremely anxious. I didn't know what was going to happen. We're in a hotel room, but it's actually like a conference room in the hotel. And so everybody in there is screaming, and all the stuff's happening there, police in and out.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:57):\r\n\r\nAnd give us the details of what happened. Someone walked in.\r\n\r\nChris (06:00):\r\n\r\nYeah. This guy walked in with eight magazines of bullets, with hate in his heart\u2014his mission of starting a race war\u2014and he fired all those bullets in my church because of the color of their skin. That's what happened. But that night, I didn't know why it happened or what was going on. I just knew that my mom went to Bible study and later on that night, there was a coroner there. I always mention that I hope people are privileged enough to not know who the coroner is\u2014because I was 18, and I didn't know who she was\u2014but she said to me, \"Chris, can you describe your mom?\u201d\u2014is what she asked me to do? Ultimately, I thought, \u201cWell, is she asked me to describe this because my mom is hurt so bad?\u201d or \u201cIs she asking me this because she's trying to confirm that my mom's okay?\u201d\r\n\r\n(06:42):\r\n\r\nAnd so I described my mom, and finally, she said, \"Chris, it\u2019s confirmed your mother's been taken away.\" And so when I heard that, it's like you go numb, and telling my brother and sister is probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to do in my life.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:57):\r\n\r\nHow old were they at the time?\r\n\r\nChris (06:59):\r\n\r\nLittle brother, 12; little sister, 15\u2014so middle school, high school. Telling them that our hero, our mom, was no longer with us.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:09):\r\n\r\nAnd your dad? \r\n\r\nChris (07:10):\r\n\r\nDad wasn't there that night. He wasn't doing too well. And so I called him and I called other people. I actually called my high school basketball coach. That's why I got such a great relationship with him, because we think\u2014sometimes, as educators, you think you're doing what you're doing; maybe you're making an impact. Well, when my dad didn't answer\u2014my friends are calling me and this and that. And the third, I called my coach. And so for me, that night was rough. It was really rough. There was no sleep that night. My little brother who was 12, I actually slept in the bed next to him and he's crying himself to sleep and for a period there, I didn't give myself any time. I just started thinking, \"What do I got to do for them?\" And we always hear, \"Chris, be strong, stay strong.\" And so I thought being strong meant never crying.\r\n\r\n(08:00):\r\n\r\nI thought being strong meant never showing any emotion. And so there was a small period of time where I thought strength was being a robot and life has a funny way of letting you realize that's not strength, that's just being fake. I'm grateful that God gave me the wisdom to be a real man, and show emotion, and finally come back down to earth and figure out that, \u201cHey, we're all human. We all go through things,\u201d and showing emotion doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're a human being.\r\n\r\nDave (08:29):\r\n\r\nI mean, you had to keep it together. I mean, in some ways were you the dad to your siblings?\r\n\r\nChris (08:34):\r\n\r\nI always say I was like a father figure, but I realized, really quickly, that being a father figure wouldn't work for them\u2014because I'm saying, \"Hey, make sure you do this, do that, straight As, this, that, and the third.\" They're like, \"Chris, if you don't get out of my face, man.\" So I realized I just got to be a big brother because father figure wasn't going to cut it\u2014but definitely taking care of them. I always told them, \"Hey, we want to make Mom proud. We can't let Mom down. Let\u2019s you do what she wants us to do whether she's here on earth or not. We know that she's rejoicing and a better place.\"\r\n\r\nAnn (09:02):\r\n\r\nDid you know the other victims that were killed that night? Did you know any of them?\r\n\r\nChris (09:07):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. Mother Emmanuel, we're a small church. I always joke that the average age at Mother Emmanuel had to be like 65. It was an old church, right? And so the young families, we stuck together. Everybody was like a grandma, grandpa, or auntie, uncle. And so when you did well at your game, everybody at the church knew. When you got a scholarship to play in college, everybody at the church knew. They celebrated you. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nIt's like a family. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nOh man, for sure; it was a family. So I knew everybody that lost their life that night, for sure.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:36):\r\n\r\nOh, so I'm just wondering, here you are this young man. This person walks in to start a race war. How are you not enraged? Did you get to the point, where you're sad\u2014you said you were in shock. Did you get angry?\r\n\r\nChris (09:49):\r\n\r\nSometimes, people ask me, \"Chris, would you change a thing?\" Well, absolutely I would. I want my mom here with me, but I know, for a fact, that God put forgiveness in my heart; because there's no way in the world that I could have said that I forgave my mother's killer. And the way that I describe it is when I forgave my mother's killer, it was like a reporter kind of rushed me and said, \"Hey Chris, how do you feel about it?\" I remember she was from the BBC. She said, \"How do you feel about all these things happening? What do you think about the killer?\" And I said, \"I already forgive him. Our family already forgives him.\" And my sister looks over at me, like, \"We what?\" Right? And for me, I described it as being on autopilot. You know you're driving home sometimes, and you don't even know if you turn left or right, but you just get into your driveway.\r\n\r\n(10:30):\r\n\r\nYou're like, \"Man, I don't know what stoplight I was at. I don't know what stop sign.\" I was on autopilot and that's what it was for me when I forgave my mother's killer, and I know why now. I know why\u2014because forgiveness wasn't just for me that day. It was for so many people that were like, \"Man, if this guy and these families can forgive, how can I not?\" I've just seen so much good come from it. But I was upset then that my mom was no longer here, and I'm still upset that my mom won't see her grandsons play T-ball. So I'll forever be upset, but I think angry and having anger and no, I don't feel that in my heart right now; and I haven't ever.\r\n\r\nDave (11:06):\r\n\r\nI mean, do you remember a process of walking through, like you said, the anger to the forgiveness? Was it instantaneous, or did it take a while? What was that like?\r\n\r\nChris (11:17):\r\n\r\nNo, man. I think when I first lost my mom, we didn't know that she was killed because of the color of her skin. We just knew that a guy walked in and did that. It was just a mass shooting. We didn't know why the mass shooting happened. And so I was just devastated that my mom was gone. I thought it was just a mass shooting that happened. I didn't know the reasoning behind it or nothing like that. I immediately looked at my brother and sister and said, \"Man, our mom is who feeds us. What are we about to do?\" I have no idea. I didn't know anything about car insurance, didn't know anything about healthcare. I didn't know anything. I was blessed to have a mom that took care of all that stuff and so I didn't know. And so immediately I'm trying to figure out, \u201cWell, how are we eating on Tuesday night?\u201d\r\n\r\n(11:57):\r\n\r\n\u201cWho's driving to school for the next five years?\u201d \u201cWhat's going to happen?\u201d And so that's what the process was for me, initially. Now, when things died down\u2014the media went away and all that stuff happened\u2014then I was able to sit down and think, \"Man, my mom was really killed because she's black.\" That's a terrible way for somebody to go. And I'm so grateful that in that time, I think God was molding me; because me, personally\u2014man, if it was just up to me, I would have been like, \"Hey, this happened. I want to play my sport and that's it.\" But God had other plans for me. I didn't see that at the time, but I see that now. The process for me with forgiveness is simple. I think you got to say it out loud. \u201cI forgive Dylan Roof. I forgive him for taking my mother's life.\u201d I think there's got to be something on the other side of that forgiveness.\r\n\r\n(12:45):\r\n\r\nAs a believer, there's something on the other side of salvation for us. When we die, there's eternal life. And so for me on the other side of forgiveness, I think, \u201cMan, now I don't have to think every single young white male is racist.\u201d That's on the other side of forgiveness for me. On the other side is \u201cNow, I don't have to be nervous when I walk into a room; and I can have the door behind me and not be scared,\u201d on the other side of forgiveness. So there's got to be something on the other side of it, when you talk about the process of it. But initially, man, God put it on my heart. I'd be giving myself way too much credit, saying, \u201cI did this and that and processing it.\u201d No, God put it on my heart. That happened, and now, I know why.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:23):\r\n\r\nOne of the questions we get most often this time of year is what study should we do with our small group? \r\n\r\nDave (13:29):\r\n\r\nI thought you were going to say, who's going to win the Super Bowl?\r\n\r\nAnn (13:31):\r\n\r\nI know. I was going to say that. And honestly, if you haven't done the new Art of Marriage, and I said it's a new Art of Marriage yet. \r\n\r\nDave (13:39):\r\n\r\nIt's been like refreshed, redone, and it is awesome.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:43):\r\n\r\nYou should do it. Give it a shot.\r\n\r\nDave (13:45):\r\n\r\nYeah, you can do the Art of Marriage and if you want, maybe you want to do a parenting study. We have the Art of Parenting or Vertical Marriage. They're all video studies and workbooks and they're on sale right now through the end of August, 25% off. That's a deal. I like sales.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:01):\r\n\r\nMe too.\r\n\r\nDave (14:01):\r\n\r\nSo go to FamilyLife.com\/shop, pick out whichever small group study you want to do and go watch God work in your life and even more importantly in the lives of those that you're leading, FamilyLife.com\/shop.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:19):\r\n\r\nI'm listening to you thinking, \u201cMan, this faith!\u201d You're 18 years old and yet, you had this foundational faith. How did that come about?\r\n\r\nChris (14:28):\r\n\r\nYeah, I was raised in the church; but being raised in the church doesn't mean anything. It just means you don't got a choice. That's what that means. And so I went to church, like any other kid would, but I say there's a crossroads. When you go through something really tough, especially when your mom is murdered while she's praying, praying in church. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nShe was praying. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nYeah, in Bible study. You can say, \"Hey, my mom was murdered in church. There's no way God is real.\" You could say that or you could say, \"God, I don't know how in the world this happened or why it happened, but I know only you can get me through it.\" I went with the latter; and because I've gone with the latter, that's where my faith has been strengthened, tenfold. I'm super practical about things; because if your mom was murdered while she's praying, you could say, \"Man, Chris, how could she be killed if she's praying to the God that you serve?\" I'd say, \"God, I don't know how.\r\n\r\n(15:16):\r\n\r\nI don't know why, but I know only you can get me through this mess.\u201d God has come through, time and time after again. So I think my faith is definitely strengthened after it. I used to read my mother's Bible. She used to read from cover to cover. She was one of those types of people. Every year, read cover to cover, and she would highlight things. For me, finally reading the Bible by myself, not just trusting my pastor to do it or my mom to do it\u2014me reading myself. I would read her Bibles and reading those scriptures, that's when I found my faith, not just relying on my mom or my pastor, but I found a relationship for myself.\r\n\r\nDave (15:50):\r\n\r\nI mean, was there ever a moment where you struggled with the: \u201cHow in the world does my mom, or anybody, go to a church, sit in the Bible study, pray, and lose their life?\u201d Did you ever struggle with, \u201cGod, what are you doing?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (16:07):\r\n\r\nOr did your siblings?\r\n\r\nChris (16:09):\r\n\r\nI never struggled with the how, because I think there's, obviously, good in the world\u2014but there's some real bad in the world, unfortunately. There's some people that want to do evil things and I've realized that we have the gift of free will. So some people are going to use it and it's going to be cursed. And so I never struggled with the how, but I always struggle with the why. \u201cWhy did my mom have to go?\u201d The person that would love everybody. She was a track coach, would take you home from school after practice and say, \u201cHey, did you get a meal? If not, let's go to Wendy's or Hardee's or something real quick.\u201d So I struggle with the \u201cWhy?\u201d \u201cWhy my mom?\u201d As far as my faith, I'm so grateful that I didn't go the other way\u2014but my brother had a point in time, where he said, \u201cChris, man, I see you're real strong in your faith, man, but come on now.\r\n\r\n(16:54):\r\n\r\nCome on now. Mom was praying, and that's the same God that you're praying to?\u201d So he really struggled with that for a while. I struggled with it, being big brother. I said, \"Man, if my brother gets in a car accident, I don't know where he's going right now.\" You know what I'm saying? And so I really struggled with that; but there was a guy who was a chaplain for the Patriots. He said, \"Chris, don't push him right now. You push him right now; he's never coming back.\" But he definitely had that struggle with, \u201cMan, Chris, I understand your faith has been strengthened because of it, but Mom was praying and she got killed. So it's tough for me to believe.\u201d He definitely had that.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:28):\r\n\r\nI'm interested, like when you called your basketball coach, what did he say to you?\r\n\r\nChris (17:33):\r\n\r\nThis is a guy that has been there through everything for me. He's actually, I always say this. He's actually the first white person I ever heard say, \"I love you\u201d to me. And he truly meant it too. He poured into us and we still have that relationship to this day; but talking to him, it was all about encouragement. Sometimes it's not about what you say, but it's about being able to pick up the phone and just hear somebody's voice. And even today I'll text him every now and then just say, \"Hey, thank you for all you've done for me in my life.\" And he's always like, \"Man, I love you, Chris.\" So we still have that relationship, but being present sometimes is more important than figuring out the right words to say. Some people ask me, \"What should I say to this person?\" Sometimes the words aren't going to cut it, but just being there lets them know that hey, you care about them.\r\n\r\nDave (18:13):\r\n\r\nSo you were still in college at the time, right?\r\n\r\nChris (18:16):\r\n\r\nYep.\r\n\r\nDave (18:17):\r\n\r\nSo help us understand; you're actually going back to school and playing baseball.\r\n\r\nAnn (18:22):\r\n\r\nI know, Dave. I'm still worried about how did your brother and sister get to school and how did they get fed? \r\n\r\nDave (18:27):\r\n\r\nBecause your dad\u2014was he just AWOL?\u2014he just wasn't part of the\u2014\r\n\r\nChris (18:31):\r\n\r\nHe struggled, man. I would say, in my mind, my dad struggled with alcohol pretty bad. So in my mind, I said, \"Man, this is going to get my dad back on track, man. Losing my mom, he's got no choice but to step up to the plate.\" \r\n\r\nDave (18:43):\r\n\r\nThat\u2019d be a wake-up call; yes.\r\n\r\nChris (18:43):\r\n\r\nIt'd be wake-up call is what I was thinking; but no, it was too much for him. He was really sick. And so my aunt, she actually stepped up to the plate, and they moved in with my aunt for a year. It was rough for them. They didn't want to be in Atlanta. They wanted to be in Charleston where we're from. And so for about a year, year and a half, they lived there until I got drafted by the Cubs. My whole college career after that was, \"Hey, I'm going to make my mom proud.\" She was always the baseball mom. \u201cI'm going to get drafted for my mom.\u201d I always have this hashtag that says, \"Can't let moms down.\" Every post that I make says, \"Can't let moms down.\" That was my goal, being an athlete in college. All I wanted to do was just play sports.\r\n\r\n(19:23):\r\n\r\nI would get all the interviews, \"Hey Chris, you want to do this, do that?\" \u201cI'll do it, but baseball's my thing. That's what I do.\u201d And that's how life was for a couple of years after I lost my mom.\r\n\r\nDave (19:32):\r\n\r\nSo tell us about\u2014you get drafted, you're playing baseball, you're married.\r\n\r\nChris (19:37):\r\n\r\nYep, married.\r\n\r\nDave (19:38):\r\n\r\nAnd do you have any kids at home, at that time, when you're in the minor leagues?\r\n\r\nChris (19:42):\r\n\r\nI did. Yeah. I had my little man CJ, Chris Jr.\r\n\r\nDave (19:45):\r\n\r\nSo he's at home, you're on the road trying to make it to the bigs. You're not playing baseball now.\r\n\r\nChris (19:52):\r\n\r\nNo.\r\n\r\nDave (19:53):\r\n\r\nWalk us through the end of that.\r\n\r\nChris (19:54):\r\n\r\nI always say anybody that is married to an athlete, they got to be superwoman; because you're gone a lot. I was gone seven months out of the year and at home it's not just our son, it's my little brother and my little sister.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:09):\r\n\r\nThey lived with you.\r\n\r\nChris (20:09):\r\n\r\nThey lived with me. Yeah. They lived with us. And so my wife is literally like superwoman. She's\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (20:14):\r\n\r\nYour wife is superwoman. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nOh she is. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYou have your brother and sister living with your wife, and you\u2019re gone.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:18):\r\n\r\nAs soon as you got married, did they come to live with you?\r\n\r\nChris (20:20):\r\n\r\nYeah, and we're 21. We might be 20. We might be 20 at the time and they're teenagers. It's hard, but we got through it. Let's just say that.\r\n\r\nDave (20:31):\r\n\r\nI'm guessing you got a phone call or two from your wife.\r\n\r\nChris (20:33):\r\n\r\nOh my goodness. Yeah. I got the phone calls, \"Hey Chris, this happened, that happened.\" I'm always trying to be man in the middle. \u201cHey, let's just love everybody. Okay?\u201d So I got those, but I was chasing my dream, playing baseball, played a couple seasons. First time ever going to a therapist was when I was playing in the minor leagues because I struggle with my sport. Everybody's like, \"Oh Chris, you're letting your sport get you down, man. You've been through so much. You been through all this and you\u2019re letting baseball hurt you.\" And I was saying, \"Man, baseball has been the one thing that I could have an escape from all the stuff I was going through.\" And when I wasn't having the success, it was tough for me, man, mentally. I started seeing a therapist. It was free therapy, which was super eye-opening for me.\r\n\r\n(21:11):\r\n\r\nI went for about a year and then I ultimately, in 2019, I got released by the Cubs. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was speaking in the off-season; I was getting opportunities. And so when I got released, I immediately made a social media post, \"Hey, I'm done playing ball, but I'm going to continue this mission of teaching love, teaching how we can come together in practical ways.\" So that's what I started to do, and God has blessed it ever since.\r\n\r\nDave (21:35):\r\n\r\nSo you've been doing, you said earlier, 150 or so engagements a year.\r\n\r\nChris (21:42):\r\n\r\nTone that down\u2014about a hundred\u2014to be honest with you, coming up pretty soon. But me and my wife actually sit down every year. We talk about how many days I can be gone. I'm going on a couple\u2019s trip in December. We'll say, \"Baby, how many days are you thinking this year?\" And so I want to make sure that I don't become a public success and private failure. One of my favorite mentors, Inky Johnson, said that and that stuck with me. I never want to become a person where I'm speaking on a stage one day and somebody asks my wife\u2014they say, \"Oh man, Chris is a great guy.\" And my biggest fear is that she says, \"Well, no, he's not. Maybe he's a good guy to you, but he's not good a guy to us.\u201d And that's a fear that I have. I have nightmares about that, so I will never let that happen.\r\n\r\nDave (22:23):\r\n\r\nYeah. I always say when a guy says to me, and this happened hundreds of times, and his wife's standing right beside him and he says something like this, \"God's number one in my life. My wife and my family's number two and my job is number three.\" I never look at the guy. I always look at his wife. \r\n\r\nChris:\r\n\r\nYeah, that's true. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nWhen he's saying that, it's like her face, her countenance will tell you this is true. She'll be smiling and like, yeah, or she'll be like looking off or even maybe rolling her eyes like, \"Yeah, he's saying that, but it's not real.\" So you're saying it's really your wife that determines if your marriage is good.\r\n\r\nChris (22:59):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely, man. And everybody says the cliche answer, \"Hey, why do you do what you do?\" \u201cOh, my family.\u201d Everybody says that, right? But being gone 150 days a year, I'm not with my family a lot. And so for me, I always say, \"Hey, baby, this is the mission.\" And if she didn't see fruit from that mission, she'd be like, \"Uh-uh, you staying home.\" But I take screenshots of every DM that I get from somebody saying, \"Chris, what you did today changed my heart. What you did today makes me think I can keep going. \" And so I'll save all those, so she knows, \u201cHey, he's not out there twiddling his thumbs. He's trying to do the good work,\u201d and she believes in my message and my mission. \r\n\r\nAnn (23:35):\r\n\r\nWell, I was going to say, you can't do it without her either. You guys are a great team. You're in a team ministry and I love that you're sending those to her because you're saying, \u201cLook what we are doing for the kingdom and for unity in the body.\u201d\r\n\r\nChris (23:49):\r\n\r\nI love it.\r\n\r\nDave (23:55):\r\n\r\nWell, what a journey we've had today with Chris Singleton and again, his book is called Your Life Matters. It's a kid's book and you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com and we're going to have Chris back with us tomorrow.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:10):\r\n\r\nOur vision at FamilyLife is every home, a godly home, and we need your help to get there. And when you become a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and read more about it and become a partner. Just click the donate button at the top and again, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nShelby (24:34):\r\n\r\nAudio clips at the beginning of today's episode came from Charleston County Government and Voice of America. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae ministry, celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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