{"id":318356,"date":"2026-04-29T04:48:44","date_gmt":"2026-04-29T08:48:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth\/"},"modified":"2026-04-29T04:48:45","modified_gmt":"2026-04-29T08:48:45","slug":"the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth\/","title":{"rendered":"The Mom Guilt Spiral&#8211;and a Way Out: Abbey Wedgeworth"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Mom guilt hits fast\u2014and it sticks. The yelling, the regret, the fear you\u2019re doing damage you can\u2019t undo. You love your kids\u2026 so why does it feel like you\u2019re failing them daily? Abbey Wedgeworth, author of Help! I&#8217;m Ruining My Kids: A Gospel Guide for the Mom Who&#8217;s Desperate for Change, doesn\u2019t dodge the mess. It walks straight into the anger, shame, and mental spiral\u2014and offers a way forward that\u2019s honest, grounded, and actually doable in real life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On FamilyLife Today, Dave &#038; Ann Wilson talk with Abbey Wedgeworth about mom guilt\u2014rage, shame, and the fear you\u2019re ruining your kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/a64583b0-d4d2-46d5-8b21-b43501416c00\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873,2838],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11481],"cwp_profile":[9825],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-318356","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-mothers","podcast_series-the-mom-guilt-spiral-abbey-wedgeworth","cwp_profile-abbey-wedgeworth","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/318356\/the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/318356\/the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"qvWQ9pe9yK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth\/\">The Mom Guilt Spiral&#8211;and a Way Out: Abbey Wedgeworth<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-mom-guilt-spiral-and-a-way-out-abbey-wedgeworth\/embed\/#?secret=qvWQ9pe9yK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Mom Guilt Spiral&#8211;and a Way Out: Abbey Wedgeworth&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"qvWQ9pe9yK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg",1024,1024,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"On FamilyLife Today, Dave & Ann Wilson talk with Abbey Wedgeworth about mom guilt\u2014rage, shame, and the fear you\u2019re ruining your kids.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p>Find out more about Abbey Wedgeworth and her books at<a href=\"https:\/\/www.abbeywedgeworth.com\/\">abbeywedgeworth.com<\/a><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-04-29.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nThe Mom Guilt Spiral\u2014and a Way Out\r\n\r\nGuest:Abbey Wedgeworth\r\n\r\nFrom the series:The Mom Guilt Spiral (Day 1 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:April 29, 2026\r\n\r\nAbbey (00:04):\r\n\r\nI always say it's not long if our internal monologue is shame on me, it's 2.5 seconds till it becomes shame on you with your kids because they're exposing something in you don't want to see. And so you tell them, \u201cIf you would just, then I get to be the mom I want to be.\u201d Or maybe it comes out on your husband, \u201cIf he would just, then I would be able to be the mom I want to be.\u201d And the reality is that what scripture tells us is that what needs to be dealt with, and this is multifaceted, but primarily is our sinful hearts.\r\n\r\nDave (00:41):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:47):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDave (01:00):\r\n\r\nAll right. So here's a phrase every mom and dad has said.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:04):\r\n\r\nOkay.\r\n\r\nDave (01:05):\r\n\r\nGuaranteed.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:05):\r\n\r\nYep. Go ahead. Say it.\r\n\r\nDave (01:07):\r\n\r\nIt's the title of Abbey Wedgeworth's new book, Help! I'm Ruining My Kids.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:14):\r\n\r\nIf a mother hasn't said it, she has thought it. Without a doubt, we all wonder that at times. We remember and recall the things that we failed at doing that day as a mom, what we said, what we yelled, what we didn't do. And I can remember putting my head on the pillow thinking that very thing. Jesus, I think I'm ruining these incredible children that you gave me. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nI mean, Abbey, welcome back. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nAbbey, we love having you. Abbey Wedgworth in the house.\r\n\r\nAbbey (01:44):\r\n\r\nI was giddy this morning just to get to be with you guys. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nWere you? \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nSo happy to be with you.\r\n\r\nDave (01:47):\r\n\r\nYou're just saying that.\r\n\r\nAbbey (01:48):\r\n\r\nNo.\r\n\r\nDave (01:49):\r\n\r\nReally? You really were?\r\n\r\nAbbey (01:50):\r\n\r\nYes! \r\n\r\nDave (01:51):\r\n\r\nOh, we're glad you\u2019re here.\r\n\r\nAbbey (01:51):\r\n\r\nAnd my sister's here with me in Orlando. I was like, Jamie, I can't wait for you to meet my friends. They're the best.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:56):\r\n\r\nYou're the best. It's so fun to have you. And we've had you on a couple times. So now, here's the name of this book, Help! I'm Ruining my Kids: A Gospel Guide for the Mom Who's Desperate for Change. Do you think every mom asks that question or says that: Help! I\u2019m Ruining My Kids?\r\n\r\nAbbey (02:17):\r\n\r\nOkay. So for the past, I don't know, however long I've been writing this, anytime people would be like, \"What are you working on?\u201d in my real life and I would tell them, people would just start crying. Literally every mom that I talked to about just the title of this book. And it was always like, \"I need to read that ASAP.\" And sometimes they would just start divulging specifics. Here's how I think I'm messing them up.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:39):\r\n\r\nTell me some of the things they said.\r\n\r\nAbbey (02:40):\r\n\r\nI mean, some of it was yelling at their kids or limited knowledge, just like, \"I don't know how to handle this\u201d or things from their past, \u201cI'm trying not to be my mom. I open my mouth and my mom comes out.\" I mean, all kinds of things.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:56):\r\n\r\nAnd have you thought it?\r\n\r\nAbbey (02:57):\r\n\r\nOh, I thought it yesterday. That's the thing about the book. It's not going to eradicate the thought, but it'll teach you what to do with it.\r\n\r\nDave (03:07):\r\n\r\nYeah. So where did this idea\u2014I mean, have you been thinking, \u201cI got to write this book\u201d for decades or is this a new thought?\r\n\r\nAbbey (03:13):\r\n\r\nWell, I've been a mom for a decade. How do I look, Dave?\r\n\r\nAnn (03:16):\r\n\r\nI was going to say her kids aren't that old.\r\n\r\nAbbey (03:19):\r\n\r\nNo, our oldest is 10, but really this book proposal, actually I started crafting before our third son was born.\r\n\r\nDave (03:27):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nAbbey (03:27):\r\n\r\nYes. And then I just was paying attention and plugging in content, but I wasn't ready to write it. But really it came out of my own struggle with postpartum mental health. And I really was wrestling with like, okay, is postpartum rage something I need to repent of? Is this like a sin issue? Am I responsible for this? Because I feel like it's like hormonal. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nAnd out of your control. \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nAnd out of my control. And so it was theological for me, a ton of it was just like, what is happening to me? But whether it was an issue of responsibility or whether it was physical or spiritual or mental or whatever, what I could not deny was that it was affecting my children. That became a really hard fear for me to grapple with is how am I affecting them and is it redeemable? And you can't press pause on parenting.\r\n\r\n(04:19):\r\n\r\nWe can't be like, \"Okay, everyone, hang on. I'm going to go get really holy and then come back.\" It's like you are with them all day, every day and whatever you're working out is coming out all over them. And so\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (04:30):\r\n\r\nI mean, what did that postpartum\u2014you said rage.\r\n\r\nAbbey (04:33):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nDave (04:34):\r\n\r\nWhat did that look like?\r\n\r\nAbbey (04:35):\r\n\r\nI have a husband who is so fabulous, but Ann and I have talked about this. He was gone a lot. And he will say he has a special bond with our third because he made some career changes and has been more present with him than he had with the other two.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:48):\r\n\r\nDidn't you say he was working 14 hour days?\r\n\r\nAbbey (04:50):\r\n\r\n14 hour days, yeah, six days a week. So I show up to birthday parties, and all the dads are there and I'm the only mom without\u2014and so it was a lot physically. It was a lot. I was up with them, and he needed his rest to work, and I cracked up a little bit. I was about two weeks into motherhood when I realized I wasn't the mom that I thought I would be.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:11):\r\n\r\nWho did you think you'd be?\r\n\r\nAbbey (05:12):\r\n\r\nOh, I picture there's like Renaissance paintings where the mothers are like a Norman Rockwell where you're just super in control of your emotions and setting the chocolate chip cookies down and like doing arts and crafts and you got dressed at least. And I was really maternal and like a coveted camp counselor. So I just thought I would be like\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnn (05:33):\r\n\r\n\u201cYou're going to be great at this.\u201d\r\n\r\nAbbey (05:34):\r\n\r\n\u2014fun. I thought I had great instincts. And then I'm holding this two-week-old baby who's like frantically bobbing and I'm like, \"Just close your mouth.\" I'm screaming at this baby like, \"What is so hard about eating?\" \r\n\r\nAnn (05:47):\r\n\r\n\u201cJust latch!\u201d\r\n\r\nAbbey (05:48):\r\n\r\nYes, \u201cJust latch.\u201d And I couldn't do it. And I was mad and I was alone. I was crying all the time. And really it was postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression. This is what I've learned. I never\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (06:00):\r\n\r\nYou didn't know it then.\r\n\r\nAbbey (06:00):\r\n\r\nI didn't know. And I lied on every intake form because I didn't want to be crazy. I didn't want them to put something in my chart. So I didn't get the help I needed for a long time because I thought I was the only one.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:12):\r\n\r\nWhat did you think about yourself? What was your internal dialogue?\r\n\r\nAbbey (06:15):\r\n\r\nOh, this is so sad. I'm like so unkind to me, but I really thought like, \u201cHow can I have been a Christian for this long and be struggling this badly?\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn (06:28):\r\n\r\nWith this child you've been longing for.\r\n\r\nAbbey (06:30):\r\n\r\nThat I had been longing for. And it was so small and helpless. And I'm the person. I'm who he gets, and I just felt so sorry for him; that that's who he got for a mom. You think things like, \"I shouldn't be allowed to have kids\u201d or \u201cWhat's wrong with me that I can't cope?\" And you think you're the only one. You think you're the only one. And then it was like that with every baby. I was bummed too. We wanted four kids and then we made the decision to stop because honestly, we were like, \"Let's give our kids an alive mom.\" I just didn't know if I would\u2014I mean, suicidal ideation was part of the third and it was really intense. And so I just wrote myself a letter and was like, \"How about we stop?\"\r\n\r\nAnn (07:12):\r\n\r\nAnd Abbey, you're a woman that knows the Word\u2014\r\n\r\nAbbey (07:14):\r\n\r\nOh.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:15):\r\n\r\n\u2014loved Jesus.\r\n\r\nAbbey (07:16):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:17):\r\n\r\nYou have the answers in your relationship with Christ and yet, you've probably felt more guilt because that was all true about yourself.\r\n\r\nAbbey (07:25):\r\n\r\nYes. I mean, I doubted my salvation. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nYou did. \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nYeah, 100%. And here's the thing, if anyone listening is experiencing that, if Satan can get us to doubt our position in Christ, our union with Him, then we will stop looking for the provision of God within our circumstances. So that's like a really sneaky ploy. So I will say nothing can pluck you from the palm of His hand, like not your mental health, not your own doubts. And so just take the promise of salvation and ride it all the way to the throne of grace because you're kept, you're held there.\r\n\r\nDave (08:00):\r\n\r\nI mean, I'm guessing there's moms listening right now and they're like, \"I'm there.\u201d\r\n\r\nAbbey (08:04):\r\n\r\nYeah. I think most moms are. And the thing is when we are not at the darkest day, when we have a pretty good day, we kind of forget. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nYou're right. \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nAnd then it's so intense when it pops back up and you're like, \"I'm still here. I thought I'd be farther along.\" So there's so much shame. I think that's one of the key pieces of this. Really, the goal is to parent on purpose; to have the agency to do it the way God calls us to, to show up the way we want to as the versions of ourselves that we want to. And a major piece of not showing up the way we want to is that we're functioning in shame. We're living out of an identity of, \u201cI shouldn't be allowed to have children. I'm the worst mom. I always blow it\u201d versus living out of this identity in Christ.\r\n\r\nDave (08:47):\r\n\r\nWell, I mean, that's something you wrote about and I know you experienced, so I'm sitting with two moms. I know dads have shame and we have even some of the same stuff you're talking about, but I know moms carry that shame in a way. I'd watch Ann, I'm like, \"You are a great mom. Are you kidding me?\" And she could not see it in herself. She's like, \"No, I'm not. No, I'm not.\" How do you carry that and how do you dig out of it?\r\n\r\nAnn (09:11):\r\n\r\nThe thing with that as moms is, when we got married, I knew, I was hoping and praying that God would allow us to have kids. And so you feel like this is one of my purposes in life. And so we watch other moms, and especially now it's even harder because now you're watching other moms through all these different channels and mediums of social media. But I remember thinking, \"I'm going to be great at this. I'm going to kill this thing, man. It's going to be so good.\" \r\n\r\nAbbey (09:39):\r\n\r\nOh, I was going to crush it.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:41):\r\n\r\nThis is going to be amazing. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYou\u2019ve done the same thing.\r\n\r\nAbbey (09:43):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:44):\r\n\r\nI remember thinking, I don't even know who this person is that I'm looking at in the mirror. I don't recall anything like this from my past. This is not me. I don't know who I am. And I know Jesus. You've written about it because you've come out of it, but I know you.\r\n\r\nDave (10:01):\r\n\r\nAre you saying you've experienced the same things? Is it anger? What is it you're looking at and going\u2014is it the anger part?\r\n\r\nAbbey (10:08):\r\n\r\nYeah. Anger is a secondary emotion. And I think it's the easiest for us to pinpoint as moms. It's very easy to identify, \u201cWow, I just really raised my voice there.\u201d But it's a secondary emotion and it's not our only sin struggle, but I've seen it with manipulation with my kids, like employing tactics I don't want to employ or shame speech.\r\n\r\nAnn (10:32):\r\n\r\nI had shame speech at the beginning. I didn't know\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (10:34):\r\n\r\nWhoa, whoa, whoa, what's shame speech?\r\n\r\nAbbey (10:35):\r\n\r\nI mean, just like things about making their actions about their identity. Anything that's like, \"You are this,\u201d or \u201cYou always this,\u201d failure speech. And I think we do it. I always say it's not long if our internal monologue is shame on me, it's 2.5 seconds till it becomes shame on you with your kids because they're exposing something in you don't want to see. And so you tell them, \"If you would just, then I get to be the mom I want to be.\" Or maybe it comes out on your husband, \u201cIf he would just, then I would be able to be the mom I want to be.\u201d And the reality is that what scripture tells us is that what needs to be dealt with, and this is multifaceted, but primarily is our sinful hearts. That is what Christ came to redeem and change. And so a friend of mine, I remember weeping when Henry, our youngest was like eight weeks old. My husband was not there.\r\n\r\n(11:28):\r\n\r\nSolo bedtimes has been like a big theme for me and struggling there. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nAnd bath times.\r\n\r\nAbbey (11:34):\r\n\r\nAnd bath times. Yeah. That was what had happened. My older boys were, let's see, like four and two, and I had this eight-week-old baby, and the older boys had been splashing water out of the bathtub, which is a major affront to my control. It's one more thing to deal with, one more thing to clean up. And then I was trying to nurse the baby to sleep and they're in the other room giggling. Okay? They're not even fighting. They're just loud. And so I can't get the baby to sleep. I have all these self-pity thoughts in my mind. And then I remember I walked to their room and I said, \"This day is over. There will be no books. There will be no snuggles. This is the end. Do not come out.\" And I slammed their door and then I walked outside with the baby who's screaming probably because I burst his eardrum.\r\n\r\n(12:22):\r\n\r\nI mean, it was some high volume. And then I'm outside just weeping and I was angry with the Lord for letting me be this person. But a friend said to me in this season, she said, \"The exposure of our sin is always a mercy.\"\r\n\r\n(12:39):\r\n\r\nAnd I kind of wanted to slap her when she said it because I'm like, \"I don't want to see that. That doesn't feel kind or loving to me.\" But the reality is on this side of eternity, we're not perfect. And self-awareness is a huge piece of how we show up to motherhood. And so I had something to repent of then. \r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:55):\r\n\r\nSome people just heard that and thought, \u201cWait, well, it wasn't your fault. What are you confessing? What are you saying? You have postpartum? Is that sin?\u201d\r\n\r\nAbbey (13:05):\r\n\r\nThis is a great question. And I think of it\u2014so there are three things that are true about us as we sit here, right? One is that we're saints. We have been clothed in the righteousness of Christ and somehow\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (13:15):\r\n\r\nBecause we've surrendered.\r\n\r\nAbbey (13:16):\r\n\r\nBecause we've surrendered, He has offered us His righteousness. So somehow, we are saints. We are seated with heaven in the heavenly places. That is true of us.\r\n\r\nDave (13:23):\r\n\r\nCan we be done there; just stop right there.\r\n\r\nAbbey (13:24):\r\n\r\nHonestly, that's such an important piece to realize. Because that is the identity Jesus has given us to live out of and into. That's what we're headed towards. And he who began a good work will bring it to completion. So we can take that and hold on tight to it. But there are two other pieces. One is that we are sinners. On this side of heaven, we will always have something to repent of.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:43):\r\n\r\nAlways.\r\n\r\nAbbey (13:43):\r\n\r\nEvery day. And there are thousands of things we're not even aware of. And the other piece though is that we're sufferers and in two ways. One, we are victims of the effects of the fall, just the general hardship that comes from living in a fallen world. And then also we are victims of the sins of others. That was a big question for me, Ann during that time was, am I responsible for this? And it's kind of like when my kids play with Play-Doh, this irks me. I don't know if you're a type A, but if you get them out like nine beautiful colors and in just a minute, it's all brown.\r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\n(14:21):\r\n\r\nYes. And we want to look at suffering and sin, and we want to be able to tease out, \u201cOkay, what is like I'm living in a fallen body with imbalanced hormones?\u201d and \u201cWhat is, I have a prideful heart that loves control?\u201d And you just can't untangle that. But the good news is God has enough mercy for your sin and enough grace and compassion for your humanity. And so the important thing is that we're running to Him with it every time. And self-compassion sounds like woo-woo. We don't want to have it, but really, it's just agreeing with him. I love\u2014my favorite parenting verse isn't even a parenting verse, but it's like Jesus looked at the crowd and he had compassion for them. And when we see God seeing us that way, we don't talk to ourselves that way, with that shame speech. So I can both have compassion for me that I am not getting enough sleep, that I'm up with the baby all the time, and that it makes it really hard to have agency, and I can experience conviction that the rage that I just poured out on my children needs to be repented of.\r\n\r\n(15:28):\r\n\r\nAnd I can apologize for that and ask for forgiveness. And when we focus too much on the one side, we withhold from ourselves absolution and the beautiful freedom that the gospel brings. And when we only focus on the sin part, we withhold from ourself bodily care that can help us maintain the agency that we need in order to show up as people who are doing it on purpose. Helpful language for me has been explanation, not excuse. So if we're asking the question, do I need to repent of it? Just go ahead. Get the gospel freedom. \r\n\r\nAnn (16:02):\r\n\r\nTalk to Jesus about it.\r\n\r\nAbbey (16:03):\r\n\r\nTalk to Jesus and say, \u201cOkay, 12 steps back, what was going on? Did I ignore hunger cues? Did I ignore my nervous system begging me to take a deep breath or a step away? Am I taking the time to think about my history and how it's impacting my present?\u201d Those are important questions for us to be asking, but we tend to fall in one ditch on either side of holistic sanctification.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:30):\r\n\r\nThat is such a good explanation, like honestly. \r\n\r\nAbbey (16:33):\r\n\r\nThis is years of fighting for me of like, \u201cWhat is happening to me?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (16:36):\r\n\r\nBecause every mom has probably experienced that if she has more than one child who's not the perfect child. Even with the perfect child, God somehow reveals this inner conflict and sin going on. I can remember very similar to yours. Dave was gone, felt like he was gone a lot, and I had a five and a three-year-old in the tub. I'm in the bedroom nursing, basically a newborn. \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nOh, I\u2019m living your life. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nYes, yes. And I can hear one son say, I think I've shared this before, \"Mom, I have to go poop.\"\r\n\r\nAbbey (17:09):\r\n\r\nOh.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:10):\r\n\r\nAnd so then I'm like, \"Okay, hon, just get out and go. \" He's in the bathroom and he goes, \"No, I don't want my brother to see me.\" I'm like, \"Okay, we'll get out and run to another bathroom.\" \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nSelective privacy. We call that selective privacy. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nYes, that's good. Then the doorbell rings. And so I am taking the nursing baby who's latched on nursing and I go down like\u2014I don't even know why I would answer the door, but it was back in the days when I felt responsible to open the door for some reason. But I take the baby, I stop feeding him. I open the door and it's somebody selling new magazines. I don't even know what in the world. I come back upstairs and it's like an absolute tornado has gone off. There's poop laying in the middle of the hallway.\r\n\r\n(17:56):\r\n\r\nAnd the one brother, the younger brother, is laughing his head off, running around naked, celebrating. And the other son is like pounding him and the baby is screaming his head off. And I am yelling louder now than all of that.\r\n\r\nAbbey (18:12):\r\n\r\nTo try to get control.\r\n\r\nAnn (18:13):\r\n\r\nYes. But there is something about in the midst of absolute chaos, when you settle down with God, we have that choice where the accuser is just the accuser of the brethren who is Satan, just wants to go at you and Jesus is welcoming you in like, \"Come to me, all you are her weary and heavy laden and I'll give you rest.\" And for me just to say, \"Lord, I feel like a failure. I yelled at these kids.\u201d That wasn't even anything bad they did really.\r\n\r\nAbbey (18:43):\r\n\r\nThe poop in the floor is questionable about you.\r\n\r\nAnn (18:44):\r\n\r\nHe couldn't make it to the family\u2014okay. Yes, yes, it was. But there is something about when we see this ugly part of it, that sin that we carry and to let Jesus see it and to let him come and forgive it and re-repent and we're apologizing, there's a beauty in that of the gospel. It's the title of your book, A Gospel Guide for the Mom Who's Desperate for Change.\r\n\r\nAbbey (19:09):\r\n\r\nYeah. And it's the unique proposition of this book. In a book proposal, what's the unique proposition? And it's that I feel like there is a lot of discussion of grace. My pastor calls it sloppy agopy where everything's okay, you're loved no matter what, whatever, which is great. And it's so important, but I think the message moms really are craving is like, you can change and God\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (19:32):\r\n\r\nJesus can change you.\r\n\r\nAbbey (19:33):\r\n\r\nHe can change you. And so you feel this like, it feels like an emergency because you're affecting other people and you so desperately want to be different and the enemy wants to twist that and turn it into shame, but like you hear Paul cry out in Romans 7, wretched man that\u2014like wretched mom that I am who will deliver me. Jesus. He will change you. And that exact feeling that you're talking about is what changes us. \r\n\r\nAnn:\r\n\r\nIt is. \r\n\r\nAbbey:\r\n\r\nThe more outrageous grace seems to us, the more we will change because it is gospel gratitude and dependence that changes us.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:08):\r\n\r\nAnd it's desperation.\r\n\r\nAbbey (20:09):\r\n\r\nDesperation.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:10):\r\n\r\nI feel like so many of us as moms\u2014and I'm sure guys do too, but it's in a different way\u2014our sin nature is so revealed and then we're so desperate like, who am I? That's when the gospel becomes even more beautiful. And you're on your face before God, like, Lord, I can't do it. I can't do this.\r\n\r\nAbbey (20:30):\r\n\r\nYes. And that's in the introduction of the book. I basically say to the mom, the desperation you experience is the best thing you have going for you.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:37):\r\n\r\nThe best.\r\n\r\nAbbey (20:38):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:38):\r\n\r\nSometimes I feel sorry for certain dads because their desperation may be in a different area and sometimes with kids, maybe older, but a lot of them don't feel what we feel as moms. Do you think? What do you think?\r\n\r\nAbbey (20:51):\r\n\r\nYeah. Well, it's just like day in, day out for most moms.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:56):\r\n\r\nIt's the monotony.\r\n\r\nDave:\r\n\r\nIt never ends.\r\n\r\nAbbey (20:58):\r\n\r\nYeah. And it is a unique call on our lives and not every woman nurses their babies. There are lots of ways to feed a baby, but for a lot of women, it's just by design, a lot falls on the woman. You're carrying the baby; you're delivering the baby. Our biological instincts are so strong to care for the baby, and that's all by design. But that feeling of it's all up to me. Everything depends on me. I think it's a beautiful thing that calls us to action and prompts this responsibility where we care for them and nurture them, but then we take it too far to believe everything is dependent on us, including their salvation or how they turn out. And that makes it feel like an emergency to change.\r\n\r\nDave (21:40):\r\n\r\nI mean, there is a sense, I think as a dad, and I'm going to exaggerate here, but it feels like the child is an extension of you moms. And I'm not thinking it feels that way as much for us as guys. And I'm sure some guys it is that way. For me, it felt like, yeah, they're my son, it's awesome, but I'm going to work. But you guys, it just doesn't seem like it's ever disconnected. The umbilical cord is still connected.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:08):\r\n\r\nWell, even if a mom's working, she still has that emotional attachment.\r\n\r\nDave (22:11):\r\n\r\nWhich is awesome. So here's my question.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:13):\r\n\r\nWait, wait, before we do that, I want to just hit this. Abbey, I'm thinking of moms who are struggling getting pregnant and thinking like, \"Well, I wish I had this problem.\" What would you say to them?\r\n\r\nAbbey (22:25):\r\n\r\nIt's another way that moms can experience shame to be like, \"I prayed for this. I longed for this and now it's hard for me. It shouldn't be hard for me.\" Romans 12 is filled with all these one another commands to weep with those who weep, to rejoice with those who rejoice. And I think there's so much danger in not caring well for each other by saying or believing the grass is greener. I don't know. I would say grieve the effects of the fall that is infertility, but I think we have to be careful. I don't know.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:54):\r\n\r\nYeah. And I just think too, if you're in that place of infertility, you're in that situation which so many of our Bible heroes of the women of the Bible were, there's a desperation in that of taking it before Jesus and saying, God, what's happening? He wants to know your heart. He's with you. So I get that too. \r\n\r\nI love having this conversation.\r\n\r\nDave (23:31):\r\n\r\nOf course you do.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:31):\r\n\r\nThis is like up my alley.\r\n\r\nDave (23:34):\r\n\r\nThis is two moms talking about ruining their kids and how to stop that from happening. And by the way, you can get her book at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click on the link in the show notes. And again, it's called Help! I\u2019m Ruining My Kids: A Gospel Guide for the Mom Who's Desperate for Change. What a great title, great conversation. And we've got Abbey back tomorrow. We get to talk a little bit more about this, so we'll see you tomorrow.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:58):\r\n\r\nBefore we're done today, I just want to remind our listeners, we know life is full of challenges and families today need biblical truth more than ever. And as a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources.\r\n\r\nDave (24:16):\r\n\r\nSo let's make a lasting difference together. Become a partner today. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the donate button.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:24):\r\n\r\nI don't know about you, but I need parenting help, not just sometimes, but most of the time. So maybe you feel like that too, and we have resources to help you as a parent, and you can go to FamilyLife.com\/Parentinghelp.\r\n\r\nDave (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry, celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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