{"id":318131,"date":"2026-03-25T04:24:21","date_gmt":"2026-03-25T08:24:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter\/"},"modified":"2026-03-25T04:24:22","modified_gmt":"2026-03-25T08:24:22","slug":"your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter\/","title":{"rendered":"Your Marriage Isn\u2019t a Side Hustle: Resetting Family Priorities &#8211; Bryan and Stephanie Carter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You can love God, serve people, hit your goals\u2014and still feel strangely empty at home. So what gives? Why does \u201csuccessful\u201d sometimes feel like \u201crunning on fumes\u201d? Stephanie Carter and her husband Bryan, author of Made to Last: 8 Principles to Build Long-Lasting Relationships, get blunt about burnout, counseling at 37, and the wake-up call that reshaped their marriage. If your family gets the leftovers of your ambition, this episode will hit close to home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dave and Ann Wilson host Stephanie Carter and Bryan, who get blunt about burnout, counseling at 37, and the wake-up call that reshaped their marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/515b34fa-44b1-4385-b481-b40a00e9d5c2\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2811,2809],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11468],"cwp_profile":[3635],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-318131","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-busyness-and-stress-challenges","category-commitment","podcast_series-made-to-last-bryan-and-stephanie-carter","cwp_profile-bryan-and-stephanie-carter","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/318131\/your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/318131\/your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1bpIfbERta\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter\/\">Your Marriage Isn\u2019t a Side Hustle: Resetting Family Priorities &#8211; Bryan and Stephanie Carter<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/your-marriage-isnt-a-side-hustle-resetting-family-priorities-bryan-and-stephanie-carter\/embed\/#?secret=1bpIfbERta\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Your Marriage Isn\u2019t a Side Hustle: Resetting Family Priorities &#8211; Bryan and Stephanie Carter&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1bpIfbERta\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["515b34fa-44b1-4385-b481-b40a00e9d5c2"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/515b34fa-44b1-4385-b481-b40a00e9d5c2\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:24:55"],"filesize":["22.85M"],"_thumbnail_id":["295627"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Learn more about Bryan Carter's and his book <em>Made to Last: Eight Principles to Build Long-Lasting Relationships<\/em> at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bryancarter.org\/\">bryancarter.org<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Attend a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway, our faith-based retreat with biblical teaching, practical tools, and focused time for couples: Register now at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/weekend-to-remember\/\">WeekendToRemember.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Sign up for the free Blended and Blessed livestream: a one-day event focused on building unity in blended families: Happening April 18, 2026 \u2014 register at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blendedandblessed.com\/\">blendedandblessed.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Set sail on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise!<\/a> Now through 3\/31\/26, use promo code CruiseMadness27 and enjoy exclusive savings on your stateroom.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nYour Marriage Isn\u2019t a Side Hustle: Resetting Family Priorities\r\n\r\nGuests:Bryan and Stephanie Carter\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Made to Last (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:March 25, 2026\r\n\r\nDave (00:04):\r\n\r\nSo classic moment in parenting world for us was when our oldest son, CJ, was three years old. Was he three?\r\n\r\nAnn (00:10):\r\n\r\nYeah, he was three.\r\n\r\nDave (00:11):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm giving him a bath. He looks at me\u2014and he's a real analytical; you could tell that already; and today, he's an engineer\/IT with Sharper Image\u2014but he's three years old, and he is always thinking. He's just staring at my face. I'll never forget this; he goes, \u201cHey, Dad! How old were you when your head started sucking your hair back in?\u201d That's what he says; that's how\u2014I can tell he is analyzing\u2014\u201cWhat's happening to my dad's hair?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (00:43):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:49):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:02):\r\n\r\nI asked all the boys one time\u2014as they got a little bit older\u2014I said, \u201cTell me what you guys think about the most.\u201d That son said, \u201cOh, easy. I'm constantly thinking about: \u2018How does that work?\u2019 \u2018How does that work?\u2019\u201d That's, totally, who he is; it always has been.\r\n\r\nDave (01:18):\r\n\r\nIt always has been. There's a part of being a parent, where you can try and change that; or you can celebrate that. \r\n\r\nThe reason we're bringing that up is we have Bryan and Stephanie Carter back in the studio, one more time, to\u2014 \r\n\r\nBryan (01:32):\r\n\r\n\u2014one more time\r\n\r\nDave (01:32):\r\n\r\n\u2014talk about their book, Made to Last; which is, 8 Principles to Build Long Lasting Relationships. We've just had a blast with you guys the last two days.\r\n\r\nBryan (01:40):\r\n\r\nThank you for having us.\r\n\r\nDave (01:40):\r\n\r\nI hope you had fun.\r\n\r\nBryan (01:41):\r\n\r\nIt's been great; it's been great.\r\n\r\nStephanie: We have!\r\n\r\nAnn (01:43):\r\n\r\nIf we would all apply the principles that you talked about yesterday, we would have amazing marriages. So now, I want to dive into a little bit of this parenting aspect. You guys have three kids.\r\n\r\nDave (01:54):\r\n\r\nYou pastor a church; you're on the FamilyLife Board, so you make sure this ministry's going in the right direction. Man, after listening to you the last two days, we are in good hands.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:03):\r\n\r\nI thought that same thing, Dave.\r\n\r\nDave (02:04):\r\n\r\nOh, I really did. I thought, \u201cWow.\u201d Because I'm not in a lot of those Board meetings\u2014we've been in a few\u2014but man, knowing that this kind of stuff you guys are talking about: thank you. \r\n\r\nBryan: It's an honor to serve. Thank you so much.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:12):\r\n\r\nAnd you have a really cool marriage. \r\n\r\nStephanie: Oh, thank you! \r\n\r\nAnn: You do. Now, we're going to talk about kids. I bet your kids are pretty great, too. \r\n\r\nStephanie (02:20):\r\n\r\nWe have three kids. Each of them are completely different. I think about Kaitlyn. I remember\u2014just her being our oldest, we kept feeling like\u2014\u201cThis is so easy! This is all that parenting is? She just sits here; she reads her little book; she's just great!\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: And you probably thought, \u201cWe're the best parents.\u201d  \r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cWhere's this nightmare situation that is happening [with other families]?\u201d So then, we had Kennedy. I would say she is our strong-willed blessing. Between zero and seven, she brought it;\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (02:53):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nStephanie (02:53):\r\n\r\n\u2014you question yourself as a parent, to the point where\u2014I'll never forget this\u2014the little pre-school that we had Kaitlyn in\u2014and the same teachers, who had taught Kaitlyn, had Kennedy. They were like, \u201cThis is going to probably be her last year. And the reason why we're letting you stay is because we just know y'all are great parents, because of Kaitlyn.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (03:16):\r\n\r\nWell, it's interesting, too: when you have a strong child\u2014our youngest was our strongest\u2014I can remember: we're driving in the car\u2014he's five years old\u2014and I'm driving. We dropped the kids off at school, and he's coming home with me. He goes, \u201cWhy are you going this way, Mom? It's way longer.\u201d I'm listening to it: \u201cIs it? It probably is; maybe, I should.\u201d I'm thinking, \u201cHow do you know how to get home? You know the other way is quicker?!\u201d He just had this natural leadership gift, and he's just bossing me around all day.\r\n\r\nStephanie (03:45):\r\n\r\nYes! Listen, we had to learn through, having a strong-willed child, not to break that spirit\u2014through prayer; through great mentors who kind of told us\u2014we were calling anybody and everybody because we did not know what to do\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: I bet. \r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014I think the best advice we got was: \u201c\u2026not to break her spirit.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (04:03):\r\n\r\nWhat's that look like? What do you mean?\r\n\r\nBryan: Well, we had to learn to give her choices. With the first one, you say, \u201cDo this,\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and she\u2019d do it.\r\n\r\nBryan: Right, with her, she\u2019d do it [Kaitlyn]. \r\n\r\nBut this one, we got to say, \u201cWell, either you can watch TV, or you can do your homework.\u201d It had to always be choices\u2014and let them feel empowered\u2014it was their decision and their choice. If you focused them and made them, it was a battle of wills. Their will is pretty strong!\r\n\r\nAnn: It's not worth that battle! \r\n\r\nBryan: It's not worth the battle. \r\n\r\nStephanie: It\u2019s not. \r\n\r\nBryan: So you're constantly offering options and choices, trying to help them navigate. You're like, \u201cWhy am I negotiating\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014\"with a two-year-old?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: And they're good at it.\r\n\r\nBryan: They\u2019re good at it!\r\n\r\nStephanie (04:39):\r\n\r\nShe's so good; she's so good. I tell young moms now; I'm like, \u201cThat little strong-willed blessing that you have\u201d\u2014I got that term from Julie Richard, who does this great ministry for moms called Fearless Mom\u2014I would tell them, \u201cJust nurture that. Nurture that; they're going to be the strongest leader.\u201d And she is!\r\n\r\nDave (05:01):\r\n\r\nI was going to say, \u201cWhat's she like now?\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (05:02):\r\n\r\nWell, we had to read; ask a lot of questions. We had to unpack the uniqueness that God had given her. \r\n\r\nAnn (05:10):\r\n\r\nHow did you do that?\r\n\r\nBryan (05:10):\r\n\r\nReading, asking questions;\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (05:13):\r\n\r\nWe went to therapists.\r\n\r\nBryan (05:14):\r\n\r\n\u2014we went to therapists, trying to figure out: \u201cOkay, how do we raise our daughter?\u201d \u201cHow do we raise our children well?\u201d \u201cHow are they gifted? How are they wired?\u201d Part of us discovering this strong-will nature was figuring out how valuable that is\u2014how the leadership gifts that are there\u2014how this would turn out, later in life, if we're able to cultivate that. \r\n\r\nOur son, who was kind of\u2014he's the baby\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (05:38):\r\n\r\nHe's very chill.\r\n\r\nBryan (05:38):\r\n\r\n\u2014very easy-going, very nonchalant. He's focused\u2014he knows what he wants to do\u2014but he's very easy-going. \r\n\r\nWe had to figure out: \u201cHow do we cultivate each of these personalities in such a way they feel love; they feel valued?\u201d We're not comparing them to their siblings: \u201cWhy don't you do it like this? I don't have any problems with them.\u201d We had put all that kind of language away, and say, \u201cLet's learn to value them; affirm them; celebrate them; coach them, based on how God has uniquely wired our children.\u201d \r\n\r\nThat's something we had to wrestle with. But now, we watch them\u2014and it's interesting to watch them, as teenagers, young adults\u2014that we've been able to try to coach them through some of those unique seasons. But early on, it was just\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: We were like, \u201cWhat is happening?!\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (06:25):\r\n\r\n\u2014it was hard.\r\n\r\nStephanie (06:26):\r\n\r\nIt was really hard. \r\n\r\nI think we had to learn the different stages of parenting. I feel like, in the beginning, it's kind of like a dictatorship: \u201cOkay, you do this,\u201d \u201cYou go sit here\u201d; and then, it eventually, gradually, comes into a coaching season, and so on. I feel like, with all of our kids, we had to learn to give them responsibilities\u2014as far as like\u2014\u201cHey, you can sort clothes. This is a color game.\u201d So at five, you can, \u201cOkay, towels; whites; colors,\u201d\u2014just helping with the wash. Giving them some type of responsibility and accountability. \r\n\r\n(07:13) Our kids grew up with social media\u2014like social media, and phones, and all that\u2014was introduced at a young age. Even working through that situation, but just being really clear with them as far as: \u201cThese are the expectations in our house\u201d; and sticking with them. \r\n\r\nBut then, also not comparing your kid to somebody else's kid, with having one kid who would do whatever they were supposed to do; and then, having the other kid, who would be like, \u201cYeah, no; I'm not doing that.\u201d I remember, when I was pregnant with Carson\u2014just a transparent moment when I found out I was pregnant with him\u2014I was like, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know what I'm going to do!\u201d I said, \u201cThe other two\u2014I don't even know what I'm doing with those two\u2014how am I going to have another one?!\u201d \r\n\r\nBryan (07:44):\r\n\r\nOur last child was a complete surprise. The first two\u2014we're school teachers\u2014our first child is born in June\u2014June 4\u2014school teachers\/we get out in May. June birth; we had a summer.\r\n\r\nDave (07:58):\r\n\r\nThere you go.\r\n\r\nStephanie: We had the whole summer.\r\n\r\nAnn: There you go!\r\n\r\nBryan (07:59):\r\n\r\nOur second child is born June 16.\r\n\r\nAnn (08:01):\r\n\r\nCome on.\r\n\r\nBryan (08:02):\r\n\r\nJune\u2014we get out of school\u2014had a summer together; we had two girls. We wanted another try again, but weren't quite sure. And then, this third one comes; and it's total surprise that she's pregnant. We don't even know\u2014this is just\u2014and so she's kind of wrestling with depression: \u201cWhat?!\u201d And then, our child\u2014it's a terrible two-thing happening at the same time\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (08:24):\r\n\r\nShe was bringing it; she had separation anxiety. When we would drop her off at school, or just at preschool, she would just completely scream, completely fall out. Even if my mom was watching her\u2014we're blessed that my mom lives ten minutes away from us\u2014so even, if my mom was watching her, she'd be like, \u201cWhat is this crying?\u201d I was like, \u201cThis is what she does.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (08:48):\r\n\r\nAnd then, you feel like people are judging you.\r\n\r\nBryan (08:51):\r\n\r\nEspecially, church babies.\r\n\r\nAnn (08:51):\r\n\r\nThat's what I was going to say.\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014at church, yes. \r\n\r\nAnn: And then, you're the pastor; and that can be really tricky.\r\n\r\nDave (08:56):\r\n\r\nThere's that pressure. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephanie (08:58):\r\n\r\nIt was that pressure of\u2014oh, I can see; I'm having all these memories come up\u2014okay, I'll tell this one story real quick. Bryan is preaching at a church in Los Angeles. We go; I'm pregnant with Carson. Kennedy has to be two or three, and she's in rare form. Oh, she's in rare form. Kaitlin's just sitting there, obedient\u2014whatever. \r\n\r\nThis particular church\u2014you had to do the offering\u2014you had to get up, and you had to walk around. I'm like, \u201cOkay,\u201d\u2014I'm thinking to myself\u2014\"this is not going to go well; but I'm just going to talk, and kind of reason with this child, and be like, \u2018Alright, now here's your little money that you're going to put in.\u2019\u201d And Kennedy was having no part of it. She literally, as we get to the altar, throws herself down. She throws herself down; I'm like, \u201cOkay, put it in there.\u201d She's like, \u201cNo! No!\u201d I was like, \u201cNot now; don't throw this tantrum now. Please, Jesus!\u201d\r\n\r\nThe older saints are looking at me\u2014\u201cHoney, you better spank her,\u201d \u201cGet her up; spank her,\u201d\u2014I'm like, \u201cThat spanking her is just going to really energize her even more into the Incredible Hulk. So \u2018No.\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the Incredible Hulk!\r\n\r\nStephanie: And then, Kaitlyn is just looking; and then, Bryan is sitting there; and he's just looking at me, like, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (10:12):\r\n\r\nAnd you have to get up and preach?\r\n\r\nBryan: I have to. \r\n\r\nDave (10:17):\r\n\r\n\u201cThat\u2019s his daughter right there,\u201d\u2014oh, man.\r\n\r\nStephanie: And we're having another one: \u201cOh, my goodness.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (10:22):\r\n\r\nNothing like parenting to keep you humble. I just think the Lord gives you kids to keep you humble, because you just never know what you get. But we've been blessed\u2014our kids\u2014man, we've got three. They got total different interests. Our oldest is a dancer. She did dance\u2014ballet, modern\u2014much of her life. Our middle one did gymnastics, and she did cheer. Cheer is kind of her thing\u2014she loves to be a cheerleader\u2014competitive cheer. Our son does basketball, so he loves basketball. \r\n\r\nYou\u2019re tired\u2014you're tired all the time\u2014I think, at one point, we had three kids\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014three different schools.\r\n\r\nBryan (10:59):\r\n\r\n\u2014three schools; we had extra extracurricular stuff going on.\r\n\r\nStephanie (11:03):\r\n\r\nIt's crazy!\r\n\r\nBryan (11:05):\r\n\r\nSo demanding.\r\n\r\nStephanie (11:06):\r\n\r\nIn that season\u2014between the time they\u2019re infants to the toddler stage; no matter what\u2014it's hard. Potty training: it's hard. \u201cI just want you to stay encouraged, because it goes so fast.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan: It does.\r\n\r\nAnn (11:19):\r\n\r\nI just talked to one of our daughters-in-law. She sent some pictures of their four-year-old talking very close to his two-year-old sister. My daughter-in-law says, \u201cBryce\u201d\u2014their son\u2014\"is telling his sister that today's the day she needs to be potty trained.\u201d She can hear him saying, \u201cNow, today's the day, Autumn, you're going to go potty. Whenever I go, you can go.\u201d And she's listening to him, like, \u201cOkay.\u201d She never had an accident the whole day!\r\n\r\nStephanie (11:49):\r\n\r\nWow.\r\n\r\nAnn (11:50):\r\n\r\nThis little boy has a teaching gift. \r\n\r\nBryan: That's right! \r\n\r\nStephanie: He's got a teacher gift.\r\n\r\nAnn: He's a teacher; he's a teacher. We asked them\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: That is the cutest story.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014late last night; I'm like, \u201cSo how did it go?\u201d They said, \u201cWell, our four-year-old just potty trained the two-year-old. He's a magnificent teacher!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (12:05):\r\n\r\nHe's a trainer.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:07):\r\n\r\nYou guys talked, yesterday, about how you sit down, as a family, and make goals. Is that once a year that you sit down? You must have done that with your kids\u2014like parenting goals for your kids\u2014did you do that for each child?\u2014you had goals for the year?\r\n\r\nStephanie (12:21):\r\n\r\nWe do. We kind of sit down, right before school starts; we just talk about: \u201cGoals that you might have.\u201d It's helpful for them to set their own goals\u2014realistic goals\u2014not my goals. I had one friend, she was like, \u201cNow, I set my goals for them\u201d; I'm like, \u201cNo, no; that's not you.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (12:37):\r\n\r\nBut you did when they were little.\r\n\r\nStephanie (12:38):\r\n\r\nYou do when they're little. But middle school and high school, \u201cNo.\u201d My goal\u2014as a parent goal\u2014my parent goal could be: \u201cYes, they're going to be a 4.0 student,\u201d \u201cThey're going to be this,\u201d \u201cThey're going to do this\u201d; but realistically, let your kids set their goals.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:52):\r\n\r\nWhat does that look like?\u2014you're all sitting around the table; they're in middle school, high school.\r\n\r\nStephanie (12:56):\r\n\r\nBefore we have the meeting, we say, \u201cHey, we're coming together to make goals; so what are going to be your goals?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat could be your friendship goals?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat could be your academic goals?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat could be your social goals?\u201d \r\n\r\nSometimes, you might have a kid\u2014at one time\u2014our son is kind of shy. Our girls are leaders; so they were [in] Student Council; they're like, \u201cListen, Carson, this is what we do; we lead.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cWe're the Carters.\u201d\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cYou need to run for something; so then, when you are a senior, you can be the president. That's what we do.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (13:27):\r\n\r\nThis is last year\u2014this is six months ago\u2014this is the conversation of his older sisters with him. I was like, \u201cHey, no pressure!\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Was he looking at you, Bryan: \u201cHelp me, Dad\u201d? \r\n\r\nBryan: He's like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He said, \u201cOkay, okay; I got it. I got it.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think the goal is designed for the kid. Sometimes we do them, one-on-one. We may go to Panera restaurant\u2014sit down, one-on-one, and let that child just talk about\u2014\u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat do you want to do?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat do you see happening?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cDo you want to play sports?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cDo you want to do this club?\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cWhere do you see\u2026\u201d\r\n\r\nJust trying to help them set those goals\u2014coach them along\u2014because, sometimes, they're going to need help to get the goals accomplished\u2014whether it's academically\u2014or they may need some additional help athletically, or even spiritually. \u201cHow do we help you?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cYou're going to have to get involved this year, so what are you going to do at church?\u201d\u2014that's one of the questions we\u2019re trying\u2014\u201cYou can pick whatever you want; we need to do something at church\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cYou have to do something at church.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan: \u2014\u201ceither this, or that group, or youth group.\u201d It gives them space for them to be able to talk about how they see their lives being, how they see God working; those kinds of things. That's kind of what that looks like. \r\n\r\nWhen they get to college, they do the same thing: \u201cThis is what I'm thinking about: \u2018I want to get this\u2026\u2019; \u2018I want to do this\u2026\u2019; \u2018Next summer, I want to do this\u2026\u2019\u201d  We're trying to help them to think before thinking.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:45):\r\n\r\nAnd they didn't roll their eyes; or \u201cUgh, these dumb goals\u201d?\r\n\r\nStephanie (14:46):\r\n\r\nNo; I think our son, initially, was like, \u201cOh, what's this about?\u201d I think, seeing his older sisters do it\u2014I think the example is you have to model\u2014so as parents, we have to model. We have to model prayer; they have to see us praying. Sometimes, we can be doing so many other things that they see us doing. But if we don't model how to pray, if we don't model how to forgive\u2014if we don't model these things for our kids\u2014if we don't model how to communicate and talk to people when we have a conflict, they're going to have problems. They're not going to know how to do these things. If we're not showing them, who else is going to show them? Just giving them those realistic expectations\u2014and that's the key\u2014realistic expectations.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:30):\r\n\r\nI like how you said, \u201cHey, what are you thinking?\u201d It's not like, \u201cHey, what are your goals?\u201d It\u2019s more of a conversation.\r\n\r\nBryan (15:36):\r\n\r\nIt's a conversation.\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cWhat were your wins last year?\u201d or \u201cWhat were your wins these past nine weeks?\u201d \u201cWhat would you like to see, moving forward?\u201d\u2014and so on. \r\n\r\nFor each kid, it is different. With my son, his sisters are about to be in college; and so on. Well, I said, \u201cOkay, Carson,\u201d\u2014he's a sophomore\u2014\"so what are your schools that you're thinking about?\u201d Now, his dad is like, \u201cOh, I want him to do this; I want him to do this type of major.\u201d However, my son loves marine biology.\r\n\r\nBryan (16:08):\r\n\r\nThey don't get paid very well.\r\n\r\nStephanie (16:12):\r\n\r\nAnd so I had to tell him; I said, \u201cBryan, you have to let him\u2014\r\n\r\nBryan (16:15):\r\n\r\nI'm going to let him, but I'm also going to expose him to math, some engineering experiences. Sometimes, if we don't know it exists, then we don't know to even choose it.\r\n\r\nDave (16:24):\r\n\r\nTo see what else might peak his interest.\r\n\r\nBryan (16:26):\r\n\r\nI'm going to send him to a marine biology camp; but then, next summer, I'm going to send him to a couple of engineering camps; so he can, at least, learn there's a world out there; because he\u2019s gifted in math and science.\r\n\r\nDave (16:36):\r\n\r\nHow about the spiritual area? How do you guys, as parents, develop\u2014every parent, probably, listening is like\u2014\u201cMan, one of my top goals is that they're walking with God when there're men and women.\u201d We've done several programs recently with the epidemic of our kids walking away. It's an epidemic; it's never been seen at these numbers in history. Parents are afraid; and they're like, \u201cWhat's our role to help see that happen?\u201d What do you guys do?\r\n\r\nBryan (17:01):\r\n\r\nI think, spiritually, we try to get them cultivated in church; we try to get them connected in church. We pray with them at home; we pray before we leave for the day to drop them off. One of the things I miss, when they start driving, is we miss those times\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (17:15):\r\n\r\nYeah, miss that time. \r\n\r\nAnn: Me,  too.\r\n\r\nBryan (17:16):\r\n\r\n\u2014in the car, where you could talk about your faith; talk about those things. I miss that. \r\n\r\nOne of the things we often do: we try to put them in spaces: \r\n\r\nSo we often see them\u2014the Christian camp each summer\u2014which really gives them a good foundation. \r\n\r\nAnd then, we also try to figure out: \u201cWhat are your gifts? and \u201cHow can you use those gifts in the life of the church?\u201d Our girls have both been on leadership councils; that's allowed them to use their leadership gifts in the context of the local church, so they can see that connection. \r\n\r\nIf it's mission trips that happen, we try to get them connected there. \r\n\r\nAnd then, also at the home, our talk-time is also kind of our family devotional time. Sunday night is also the time we may talk about prayer; we may ask them to pray. We may ask them their prayer needs so that they get a connection there.\r\n\r\nThe other thing I've longed to do\u2014but I haven't done\u2014is I'd love to do a personal Bible study with my kids. It's something I wanted to do, over time; I haven't been able to do it; I would've liked to have. I've got a sabbatical break\u2014so I've got margin to do it\u2014to do a Bible study with them. \r\n\r\n(18:31) I'm super excited\u2014matter of fact\u2014one of our kids decided to be a counselor at a Christian camp that she had gone to for a number of years, which was shocking enough that she would want to be this counselor for six weeks. She left college to that last summer. I told her, \u201cMan, we're so proud of you. Man, there's a lot of places you could have spent the summer\u2014but you went there, and you invested in those young girls\u2014as hard as it was, as challenging as it was.\u201d \r\n\r\nThen, when she got back to campus, she says her friends wanted to start a Bible study. She said, \u201cThey've asked me to start the Bible study.\u201d I said, \u201cI'm so proud of you!\u201d She said, \u201cDad, this is not what I do; I don't know how to do this.\u201d Then it clicked for her\u2014I said, \u201cI'll give you all the stuff. If you need help, I'll give you a Bible study,\u201d\u2014then. it clicked for her; she said, \u201cYou know what I can teach them?\u2014the same material I taught last summer for six weeks.\u201d I said, \u201cThat's a great idea! You already have the workbook.\u201d She pulled a workbook out, and she was able to lead that Bible study for the first time. \r\n\r\nI think part of what we've learned is\u2014as she mentioned: modeling it; helping expose it to them; teach it to them\u2014encouraging them as they have wins in their spiritual life. In a church space, pks\u2014preacher's kids\u2014sometimes, have to deal with so much. Being a listening ear to them; but still encouraging them to be in there, and learn and grow; but not feel that pressure. Praying for God to send spiritual mentors in their lives; because sometimes, our voices are not heard\u2014but if there's somebody, who loves the Lord, and loves them\u2014we've had coaches at schools step in and be those voices. \r\n\r\nI think, spiritually, it's a whole experience that you're trying to use everything that you can to try. And the other voice, that's been helpful, is their grandmother. Their grandmother\u2014her mom, who lives ten minutes from us\u2014picks them up; drops them off. This is an extra set of hands; but she would always say to our kids, \u201cHave you prayed about it?\u201d When we, as Mom and Dad, would forget to, sometimes, she would be this\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (20:24):\r\n\r\n\u2014just like she said to you, over the years, Stephanie.\r\n\r\nBryan (20:26):\r\n\r\nShe did; she's been a voice in their lives, spiritually: texting them prayers, texting them verses. \r\n\r\nAnother thing we did was try to make our house that house for sleepovers, for birthday parties, end-of-year parties, spiritually. , right? Well, they just can see us and know us. \r\n\r\nThe last thing we do, spiritually, I started a father-son camp\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: Wait; what?!\r\n\r\nBryan: \u2014about four to five years ago. \r\n\r\nDave: At your church?  \r\n\r\nBryan: Really, amongst some friends, some friends in our church. It started because my son has about four young men\u2014they were all born around the same time\u2014they were all turning 13. We're all getting ready for \u201cthe talk.\u201d Maybe, he\u2019d been 12 at the time. I called the guys; I said, \u201cListen, why don't we do it together? Let's do the talk together.\u201d They said, \u201cYou know what?! Let's do it together!\u201d \r\n\r\n(21:18) We got our sons together; we spent the weekend together, and we did the talk together. That started, as we were talking about purity then; and it's just every year we have these conversations. We go fishing; we hang out; play games. It is the best! \r\n\r\nI'll never forget\u2014we\u2019re sitting there\u2014and they were asking all these, at 10\/11, when they first started, they're asking questions that I don't know. You know what I mean?\u2014\u201cWhy does this happen?\u201d \u201cWhat is this?\u201d\u2014but it was the best. But again, other fathers\/other men available, speaking into each other's lives. I just say it's a whole community; just thrown in all that you can.\r\n\r\nDave (21:55):\r\n\r\nYou know what would be really cool? If you're doing that, in ten years, with the same guys.\r\n\r\nBryan (21:58):\r\n\r\nWouldn't that be cool?\r\n\r\nDave (21:59):\r\n\r\nThey're married men now; they still would want it.\r\n\r\nRon (22:06):\r\n\r\nHey, friends; Ron Deal here, Director of FamilyLife Blended. Did you know Blended &amp;amp; Blessed\u2014the only worldwide livestream designed for couples and blended families\u2014is free this year? Saturday, April 18, we're going to be live in Oklahoma City. If you show up there, we're going to charge you for lunch. But other than that, it is free to livestream. Churches can bring a group of couples together, and enjoy the day, absolutely free. \r\n\r\nGayla Grace is going to be with us; Davey and Kristi Blackburn; Cheryl Shumake\u2019s going to be with us; Kathi Lipp; and Bryan Goins, our emcee. It's going to be a wonderful day; I hope you can join us. Learn more and get the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:52):\r\n\r\nOne of our sons became friends with The Grief; they were in a small group from our church. A guy, who was in his 20s, started leading their group. And now, these guys are 37 to 40, and they still meet.\r\n\r\nBryan (23:06):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nAnn (23:07):\r\n\r\nThey don't live around each other; but they meet for vacation\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014once a year.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014with their leader, who's a lawyer. They're still friends; they still stay in touch with one another. It\u2019s really sweet.\r\n\r\nBryan (23:17):\r\n\r\nThat is so cool; that's beautiful.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:18):\r\n\r\nYou guys, this has been so rich. \r\n\r\nDave (23:20):\r\n\r\nYeah, this is rich. \r\n\r\nAnn (23:21):\r\n\r\nBryan, I'm just sitting here, thinking, \u201cI got stuck on the part when your daughter came home and she's saying, \u2018They asked me to lead this Bible study.\u2019\u201d Your enthusiasm, when you say, \u201cYes, you should!\u201d I thought, \u201cIf I had a father who was just cheering me on, and a mother who was saying, \u201cYou can do this,\u201d\u2014our kids are needing that\u2014they don't need our critique at that age. They don't need us to tell them what they're doing wrong. They already feel the pressure of the culture of the world. But for us, as parents, to pray for them, to cheer for them, to ask them: \u201cHey, what are you thinking right now?\u201d \u201cWhat are your goals?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (23:58):\r\n\r\n\u201cGo for it.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (23:59):\r\n\r\nYou guys are impressive. \r\n\r\nStephanie: Oh, bless you. Thank you! \r\n\r\nAnn: I wish you would've raised me! \r\n\r\nStephanie: Oh, my goodness!\r\n\r\nBryan (24:06):\r\n\r\nThank you guys for having us.\r\n\r\nStephanie: Thanks y\u2019all; thanks so much for having us.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:06):\r\n\r\nThank you!\r\n\r\nBryan (24:08):\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s been a real honor to spend some time with you guys.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:09):\r\n\r\nSo fun.\r\n\r\nBryan (24:09):\r\n\r\nLove what the work you guys are doing; incredible job.\r\n\r\nDave and Ann (24:12):\r\n\r\nThank you. \r\n\r\nDave: That was a great day with Bryan and Stephanie. That was our third day in a row\r\n\r\nAnn: I loved them!\r\n\r\nDave: Good stuff; [his] book is called Made to Last: 9 Principles to Build Long Lasting Relationships. Doesn\u2019t everybody want long-lasting relationships? \r\n\r\nAnn (24:30):\r\n\r\nYes, we all want long-lasting relationships. \r\n\r\nDave: So get it now at FamilyLifeToday.com; just click on the link in the show notes.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:36):\r\n\r\nAnd thanks for being with us on FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDave (24:43):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nCelebrating 50 years of God\u2019s faithfulness as marriages grow stronger and families flourish in Him. \r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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and Ann Wilson host Stephanie Carter and Bryan, who get blunt about burnout, counseling at 37, and the wake-up call that reshaped their marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Learn more about Bryan Carter's and his book <em>Made to Last: Eight Principles to Build Long-Lasting Relationships<\/em> at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bryancarter.org\/\">bryancarter.org<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Attend a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway, our faith-based retreat with biblical teaching, practical tools, and focused time for couples: Register now at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/weekend-to-remember\/\">WeekendToRemember.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Sign up for the free Blended and Blessed livestream: a one-day event focused on building unity in blended families: Happening April 18, 2026 \u2014 register at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blendedandblessed.com\/\">blendedandblessed.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Set sail on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/\">Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise!<\/a> Now through 3\/31\/26, use promo code CruiseMadness27 and enjoy exclusive savings on your stateroom.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Follow us on all social platforms: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/familylifeministry\">Facebook<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/familylife.today\/\">Instagram<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/playlist?list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from our podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Download <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-03-25.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nYour Marriage Isn\u2019t a Side Hustle: Resetting Family Priorities\r\n\r\nGuests:Bryan and Stephanie Carter\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Made to Last (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:March 25, 2026\r\n\r\nDave (00:04):\r\n\r\nSo classic moment in parenting world for us was when our oldest son, CJ, was three years old. Was he three?\r\n\r\nAnn (00:10):\r\n\r\nYeah, he was three.\r\n\r\nDave (00:11):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm giving him a bath. He looks at me\u2014and he's a real analytical; you could tell that already; and today, he's an engineer\/IT with Sharper Image\u2014but he's three years old, and he is always thinking. He's just staring at my face. I'll never forget this; he goes, \u201cHey, Dad! How old were you when your head started sucking your hair back in?\u201d That's what he says; that's how\u2014I can tell he is analyzing\u2014\u201cWhat's happening to my dad's hair?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (00:43):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:49):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:02):\r\n\r\nI asked all the boys one time\u2014as they got a little bit older\u2014I said, \u201cTell me what you guys think about the most.\u201d That son said, \u201cOh, easy. I'm constantly thinking about: \u2018How does that work?\u2019 \u2018How does that work?\u2019\u201d That's, totally, who he is; it always has been.\r\n\r\nDave (01:18):\r\n\r\nIt always has been. There's a part of being a parent, where you can try and change that; or you can celebrate that. \r\n\r\nThe reason we're bringing that up is we have Bryan and Stephanie Carter back in the studio, one more time, to\u2014 \r\n\r\nBryan (01:32):\r\n\r\n\u2014one more time\r\n\r\nDave (01:32):\r\n\r\n\u2014talk about their book, Made to Last; which is, 8 Principles to Build Long Lasting Relationships. We've just had a blast with you guys the last two days.\r\n\r\nBryan (01:40):\r\n\r\nThank you for having us.\r\n\r\nDave (01:40):\r\n\r\nI hope you had fun.\r\n\r\nBryan (01:41):\r\n\r\nIt's been great; it's been great.\r\n\r\nStephanie: We have!\r\n\r\nAnn (01:43):\r\n\r\nIf we would all apply the principles that you talked about yesterday, we would have amazing marriages. So now, I want to dive into a little bit of this parenting aspect. You guys have three kids.\r\n\r\nDave (01:54):\r\n\r\nYou pastor a church; you're on the FamilyLife Board, so you make sure this ministry's going in the right direction. Man, after listening to you the last two days, we are in good hands.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:03):\r\n\r\nI thought that same thing, Dave.\r\n\r\nDave (02:04):\r\n\r\nOh, I really did. I thought, \u201cWow.\u201d Because I'm not in a lot of those Board meetings\u2014we've been in a few\u2014but man, knowing that this kind of stuff you guys are talking about: thank you. \r\n\r\nBryan: It's an honor to serve. Thank you so much.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:12):\r\n\r\nAnd you have a really cool marriage. \r\n\r\nStephanie: Oh, thank you! \r\n\r\nAnn: You do. Now, we're going to talk about kids. I bet your kids are pretty great, too. \r\n\r\nStephanie (02:20):\r\n\r\nWe have three kids. Each of them are completely different. I think about Kaitlyn. I remember\u2014just her being our oldest, we kept feeling like\u2014\u201cThis is so easy! This is all that parenting is? She just sits here; she reads her little book; she's just great!\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: And you probably thought, \u201cWe're the best parents.\u201d  \r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cWhere's this nightmare situation that is happening [with other families]?\u201d So then, we had Kennedy. I would say she is our strong-willed blessing. Between zero and seven, she brought it;\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (02:53):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nStephanie (02:53):\r\n\r\n\u2014you question yourself as a parent, to the point where\u2014I'll never forget this\u2014the little pre-school that we had Kaitlyn in\u2014and the same teachers, who had taught Kaitlyn, had Kennedy. They were like, \u201cThis is going to probably be her last year. And the reason why we're letting you stay is because we just know y'all are great parents, because of Kaitlyn.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (03:16):\r\n\r\nWell, it's interesting, too: when you have a strong child\u2014our youngest was our strongest\u2014I can remember: we're driving in the car\u2014he's five years old\u2014and I'm driving. We dropped the kids off at school, and he's coming home with me. He goes, \u201cWhy are you going this way, Mom? It's way longer.\u201d I'm listening to it: \u201cIs it? It probably is; maybe, I should.\u201d I'm thinking, \u201cHow do you know how to get home? You know the other way is quicker?!\u201d He just had this natural leadership gift, and he's just bossing me around all day.\r\n\r\nStephanie (03:45):\r\n\r\nYes! Listen, we had to learn through, having a strong-willed child, not to break that spirit\u2014through prayer; through great mentors who kind of told us\u2014we were calling anybody and everybody because we did not know what to do\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: I bet. \r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014I think the best advice we got was: \u201c\u2026not to break her spirit.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (04:03):\r\n\r\nWhat's that look like? What do you mean?\r\n\r\nBryan: Well, we had to learn to give her choices. With the first one, you say, \u201cDo this,\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and she\u2019d do it.\r\n\r\nBryan: Right, with her, she\u2019d do it [Kaitlyn]. \r\n\r\nBut this one, we got to say, \u201cWell, either you can watch TV, or you can do your homework.\u201d It had to always be choices\u2014and let them feel empowered\u2014it was their decision and their choice. If you focused them and made them, it was a battle of wills. Their will is pretty strong!\r\n\r\nAnn: It's not worth that battle! \r\n\r\nBryan: It's not worth the battle. \r\n\r\nStephanie: It\u2019s not. \r\n\r\nBryan: So you're constantly offering options and choices, trying to help them navigate. You're like, \u201cWhy am I negotiating\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014\"with a two-year-old?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: And they're good at it.\r\n\r\nBryan: They\u2019re good at it!\r\n\r\nStephanie (04:39):\r\n\r\nShe's so good; she's so good. I tell young moms now; I'm like, \u201cThat little strong-willed blessing that you have\u201d\u2014I got that term from Julie Richard, who does this great ministry for moms called Fearless Mom\u2014I would tell them, \u201cJust nurture that. Nurture that; they're going to be the strongest leader.\u201d And she is!\r\n\r\nDave (05:01):\r\n\r\nI was going to say, \u201cWhat's she like now?\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (05:02):\r\n\r\nWell, we had to read; ask a lot of questions. We had to unpack the uniqueness that God had given her. \r\n\r\nAnn (05:10):\r\n\r\nHow did you do that?\r\n\r\nBryan (05:10):\r\n\r\nReading, asking questions;\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (05:13):\r\n\r\nWe went to therapists.\r\n\r\nBryan (05:14):\r\n\r\n\u2014we went to therapists, trying to figure out: \u201cOkay, how do we raise our daughter?\u201d \u201cHow do we raise our children well?\u201d \u201cHow are they gifted? How are they wired?\u201d Part of us discovering this strong-will nature was figuring out how valuable that is\u2014how the leadership gifts that are there\u2014how this would turn out, later in life, if we're able to cultivate that. \r\n\r\nOur son, who was kind of\u2014he's the baby\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (05:38):\r\n\r\nHe's very chill.\r\n\r\nBryan (05:38):\r\n\r\n\u2014very easy-going, very nonchalant. He's focused\u2014he knows what he wants to do\u2014but he's very easy-going. \r\n\r\nWe had to figure out: \u201cHow do we cultivate each of these personalities in such a way they feel love; they feel valued?\u201d We're not comparing them to their siblings: \u201cWhy don't you do it like this? I don't have any problems with them.\u201d We had put all that kind of language away, and say, \u201cLet's learn to value them; affirm them; celebrate them; coach them, based on how God has uniquely wired our children.\u201d \r\n\r\nThat's something we had to wrestle with. But now, we watch them\u2014and it's interesting to watch them, as teenagers, young adults\u2014that we've been able to try to coach them through some of those unique seasons. But early on, it was just\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: We were like, \u201cWhat is happening?!\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (06:25):\r\n\r\n\u2014it was hard.\r\n\r\nStephanie (06:26):\r\n\r\nIt was really hard. \r\n\r\nI think we had to learn the different stages of parenting. I feel like, in the beginning, it's kind of like a dictatorship: \u201cOkay, you do this,\u201d \u201cYou go sit here\u201d; and then, it eventually, gradually, comes into a coaching season, and so on. I feel like, with all of our kids, we had to learn to give them responsibilities\u2014as far as like\u2014\u201cHey, you can sort clothes. This is a color game.\u201d So at five, you can, \u201cOkay, towels; whites; colors,\u201d\u2014just helping with the wash. Giving them some type of responsibility and accountability. \r\n\r\n(07:13) Our kids grew up with social media\u2014like social media, and phones, and all that\u2014was introduced at a young age. Even working through that situation, but just being really clear with them as far as: \u201cThese are the expectations in our house\u201d; and sticking with them. \r\n\r\nBut then, also not comparing your kid to somebody else's kid, with having one kid who would do whatever they were supposed to do; and then, having the other kid, who would be like, \u201cYeah, no; I'm not doing that.\u201d I remember, when I was pregnant with Carson\u2014just a transparent moment when I found out I was pregnant with him\u2014I was like, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know what I'm going to do!\u201d I said, \u201cThe other two\u2014I don't even know what I'm doing with those two\u2014how am I going to have another one?!\u201d \r\n\r\nBryan (07:44):\r\n\r\nOur last child was a complete surprise. The first two\u2014we're school teachers\u2014our first child is born in June\u2014June 4\u2014school teachers\/we get out in May. June birth; we had a summer.\r\n\r\nDave (07:58):\r\n\r\nThere you go.\r\n\r\nStephanie: We had the whole summer.\r\n\r\nAnn: There you go!\r\n\r\nBryan (07:59):\r\n\r\nOur second child is born June 16.\r\n\r\nAnn (08:01):\r\n\r\nCome on.\r\n\r\nBryan (08:02):\r\n\r\nJune\u2014we get out of school\u2014had a summer together; we had two girls. We wanted another try again, but weren't quite sure. And then, this third one comes; and it's total surprise that she's pregnant. We don't even know\u2014this is just\u2014and so she's kind of wrestling with depression: \u201cWhat?!\u201d And then, our child\u2014it's a terrible two-thing happening at the same time\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (08:24):\r\n\r\nShe was bringing it; she had separation anxiety. When we would drop her off at school, or just at preschool, she would just completely scream, completely fall out. Even if my mom was watching her\u2014we're blessed that my mom lives ten minutes away from us\u2014so even, if my mom was watching her, she'd be like, \u201cWhat is this crying?\u201d I was like, \u201cThis is what she does.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (08:48):\r\n\r\nAnd then, you feel like people are judging you.\r\n\r\nBryan (08:51):\r\n\r\nEspecially, church babies.\r\n\r\nAnn (08:51):\r\n\r\nThat's what I was going to say.\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014at church, yes. \r\n\r\nAnn: And then, you're the pastor; and that can be really tricky.\r\n\r\nDave (08:56):\r\n\r\nThere's that pressure. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nStephanie (08:58):\r\n\r\nIt was that pressure of\u2014oh, I can see; I'm having all these memories come up\u2014okay, I'll tell this one story real quick. Bryan is preaching at a church in Los Angeles. We go; I'm pregnant with Carson. Kennedy has to be two or three, and she's in rare form. Oh, she's in rare form. Kaitlin's just sitting there, obedient\u2014whatever. \r\n\r\nThis particular church\u2014you had to do the offering\u2014you had to get up, and you had to walk around. I'm like, \u201cOkay,\u201d\u2014I'm thinking to myself\u2014\"this is not going to go well; but I'm just going to talk, and kind of reason with this child, and be like, \u2018Alright, now here's your little money that you're going to put in.\u2019\u201d And Kennedy was having no part of it. She literally, as we get to the altar, throws herself down. She throws herself down; I'm like, \u201cOkay, put it in there.\u201d She's like, \u201cNo! No!\u201d I was like, \u201cNot now; don't throw this tantrum now. Please, Jesus!\u201d\r\n\r\nThe older saints are looking at me\u2014\u201cHoney, you better spank her,\u201d \u201cGet her up; spank her,\u201d\u2014I'm like, \u201cThat spanking her is just going to really energize her even more into the Incredible Hulk. So \u2018No.\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the Incredible Hulk!\r\n\r\nStephanie: And then, Kaitlyn is just looking; and then, Bryan is sitting there; and he's just looking at me, like, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (10:12):\r\n\r\nAnd you have to get up and preach?\r\n\r\nBryan: I have to. \r\n\r\nDave (10:17):\r\n\r\n\u201cThat\u2019s his daughter right there,\u201d\u2014oh, man.\r\n\r\nStephanie: And we're having another one: \u201cOh, my goodness.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (10:22):\r\n\r\nNothing like parenting to keep you humble. I just think the Lord gives you kids to keep you humble, because you just never know what you get. But we've been blessed\u2014our kids\u2014man, we've got three. They got total different interests. Our oldest is a dancer. She did dance\u2014ballet, modern\u2014much of her life. Our middle one did gymnastics, and she did cheer. Cheer is kind of her thing\u2014she loves to be a cheerleader\u2014competitive cheer. Our son does basketball, so he loves basketball. \r\n\r\nYou\u2019re tired\u2014you're tired all the time\u2014I think, at one point, we had three kids\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u2014three different schools.\r\n\r\nBryan (10:59):\r\n\r\n\u2014three schools; we had extra extracurricular stuff going on.\r\n\r\nStephanie (11:03):\r\n\r\nIt's crazy!\r\n\r\nBryan (11:05):\r\n\r\nSo demanding.\r\n\r\nStephanie (11:06):\r\n\r\nIn that season\u2014between the time they\u2019re infants to the toddler stage; no matter what\u2014it's hard. Potty training: it's hard. \u201cI just want you to stay encouraged, because it goes so fast.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan: It does.\r\n\r\nAnn (11:19):\r\n\r\nI just talked to one of our daughters-in-law. She sent some pictures of their four-year-old talking very close to his two-year-old sister. My daughter-in-law says, \u201cBryce\u201d\u2014their son\u2014\"is telling his sister that today's the day she needs to be potty trained.\u201d She can hear him saying, \u201cNow, today's the day, Autumn, you're going to go potty. Whenever I go, you can go.\u201d And she's listening to him, like, \u201cOkay.\u201d She never had an accident the whole day!\r\n\r\nStephanie (11:49):\r\n\r\nWow.\r\n\r\nAnn (11:50):\r\n\r\nThis little boy has a teaching gift. \r\n\r\nBryan: That's right! \r\n\r\nStephanie: He's got a teacher gift.\r\n\r\nAnn: He's a teacher; he's a teacher. We asked them\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: That is the cutest story.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014late last night; I'm like, \u201cSo how did it go?\u201d They said, \u201cWell, our four-year-old just potty trained the two-year-old. He's a magnificent teacher!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (12:05):\r\n\r\nHe's a trainer.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:07):\r\n\r\nYou guys talked, yesterday, about how you sit down, as a family, and make goals. Is that once a year that you sit down? You must have done that with your kids\u2014like parenting goals for your kids\u2014did you do that for each child?\u2014you had goals for the year?\r\n\r\nStephanie (12:21):\r\n\r\nWe do. We kind of sit down, right before school starts; we just talk about: \u201cGoals that you might have.\u201d It's helpful for them to set their own goals\u2014realistic goals\u2014not my goals. I had one friend, she was like, \u201cNow, I set my goals for them\u201d; I'm like, \u201cNo, no; that's not you.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (12:37):\r\n\r\nBut you did when they were little.\r\n\r\nStephanie (12:38):\r\n\r\nYou do when they're little. But middle school and high school, \u201cNo.\u201d My goal\u2014as a parent goal\u2014my parent goal could be: \u201cYes, they're going to be a 4.0 student,\u201d \u201cThey're going to be this,\u201d \u201cThey're going to do this\u201d; but realistically, let your kids set their goals.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:52):\r\n\r\nWhat does that look like?\u2014you're all sitting around the table; they're in middle school, high school.\r\n\r\nStephanie (12:56):\r\n\r\nBefore we have the meeting, we say, \u201cHey, we're coming together to make goals; so what are going to be your goals?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat could be your friendship goals?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat could be your academic goals?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat could be your social goals?\u201d \r\n\r\nSometimes, you might have a kid\u2014at one time\u2014our son is kind of shy. Our girls are leaders; so they were [in] Student Council; they're like, \u201cListen, Carson, this is what we do; we lead.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cWe're the Carters.\u201d\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cYou need to run for something; so then, when you are a senior, you can be the president. That's what we do.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan (13:27):\r\n\r\nThis is last year\u2014this is six months ago\u2014this is the conversation of his older sisters with him. I was like, \u201cHey, no pressure!\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Was he looking at you, Bryan: \u201cHelp me, Dad\u201d? \r\n\r\nBryan: He's like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He said, \u201cOkay, okay; I got it. I got it.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think the goal is designed for the kid. Sometimes we do them, one-on-one. We may go to Panera restaurant\u2014sit down, one-on-one, and let that child just talk about\u2014\u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat do you want to do?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cWhat do you see happening?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cDo you want to play sports?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cDo you want to do this club?\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cWhere do you see\u2026\u201d\r\n\r\nJust trying to help them set those goals\u2014coach them along\u2014because, sometimes, they're going to need help to get the goals accomplished\u2014whether it's academically\u2014or they may need some additional help athletically, or even spiritually. \u201cHow do we help you?\u201d \r\n\r\n\u201cYou're going to have to get involved this year, so what are you going to do at church?\u201d\u2014that's one of the questions we\u2019re trying\u2014\u201cYou can pick whatever you want; we need to do something at church\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cYou have to do something at church.\u201d\r\n\r\nBryan: \u2014\u201ceither this, or that group, or youth group.\u201d It gives them space for them to be able to talk about how they see their lives being, how they see God working; those kinds of things. That's kind of what that looks like. \r\n\r\nWhen they get to college, they do the same thing: \u201cThis is what I'm thinking about: \u2018I want to get this\u2026\u2019; \u2018I want to do this\u2026\u2019; \u2018Next summer, I want to do this\u2026\u2019\u201d  We're trying to help them to think before thinking.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:45):\r\n\r\nAnd they didn't roll their eyes; or \u201cUgh, these dumb goals\u201d?\r\n\r\nStephanie (14:46):\r\n\r\nNo; I think our son, initially, was like, \u201cOh, what's this about?\u201d I think, seeing his older sisters do it\u2014I think the example is you have to model\u2014so as parents, we have to model. We have to model prayer; they have to see us praying. Sometimes, we can be doing so many other things that they see us doing. But if we don't model how to pray, if we don't model how to forgive\u2014if we don't model these things for our kids\u2014if we don't model how to communicate and talk to people when we have a conflict, they're going to have problems. They're not going to know how to do these things. If we're not showing them, who else is going to show them? Just giving them those realistic expectations\u2014and that's the key\u2014realistic expectations.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:30):\r\n\r\nI like how you said, \u201cHey, what are you thinking?\u201d It's not like, \u201cHey, what are your goals?\u201d It\u2019s more of a conversation.\r\n\r\nBryan (15:36):\r\n\r\nIt's a conversation.\r\n\r\nStephanie: \u201cWhat were your wins last year?\u201d or \u201cWhat were your wins these past nine weeks?\u201d \u201cWhat would you like to see, moving forward?\u201d\u2014and so on. \r\n\r\nFor each kid, it is different. With my son, his sisters are about to be in college; and so on. Well, I said, \u201cOkay, Carson,\u201d\u2014he's a sophomore\u2014\"so what are your schools that you're thinking about?\u201d Now, his dad is like, \u201cOh, I want him to do this; I want him to do this type of major.\u201d However, my son loves marine biology.\r\n\r\nBryan (16:08):\r\n\r\nThey don't get paid very well.\r\n\r\nStephanie (16:12):\r\n\r\nAnd so I had to tell him; I said, \u201cBryan, you have to let him\u2014\r\n\r\nBryan (16:15):\r\n\r\nI'm going to let him, but I'm also going to expose him to math, some engineering experiences. Sometimes, if we don't know it exists, then we don't know to even choose it.\r\n\r\nDave (16:24):\r\n\r\nTo see what else might peak his interest.\r\n\r\nBryan (16:26):\r\n\r\nI'm going to send him to a marine biology camp; but then, next summer, I'm going to send him to a couple of engineering camps; so he can, at least, learn there's a world out there; because he\u2019s gifted in math and science.\r\n\r\nDave (16:36):\r\n\r\nHow about the spiritual area? How do you guys, as parents, develop\u2014every parent, probably, listening is like\u2014\u201cMan, one of my top goals is that they're walking with God when there're men and women.\u201d We've done several programs recently with the epidemic of our kids walking away. It's an epidemic; it's never been seen at these numbers in history. Parents are afraid; and they're like, \u201cWhat's our role to help see that happen?\u201d What do you guys do?\r\n\r\nBryan (17:01):\r\n\r\nI think, spiritually, we try to get them cultivated in church; we try to get them connected in church. We pray with them at home; we pray before we leave for the day to drop them off. One of the things I miss, when they start driving, is we miss those times\u2014\r\n\r\nStephanie (17:15):\r\n\r\nYeah, miss that time. \r\n\r\nAnn: Me,  too.\r\n\r\nBryan (17:16):\r\n\r\n\u2014in the car, where you could talk about your faith; talk about those things. I miss that. \r\n\r\nOne of the things we often do: we try to put them in spaces: \r\n\r\nSo we often see them\u2014the Christian camp each summer\u2014which really gives them a good foundation. \r\n\r\nAnd then, we also try to figure out: \u201cWhat are your gifts? and \u201cHow can you use those gifts in the life of the church?\u201d Our girls have both been on leadership councils; that's allowed them to use their leadership gifts in the context of the local church, so they can see that connection. \r\n\r\nIf it's mission trips that happen, we try to get them connected there. \r\n\r\nAnd then, also at the home, our talk-time is also kind of our family devotional time. Sunday night is also the time we may talk about prayer; we may ask them to pray. We may ask them their prayer needs so that they get a connection there.\r\n\r\nThe other thing I've longed to do\u2014but I haven't done\u2014is I'd love to do a personal Bible study with my kids. It's something I wanted to do, over time; I haven't been able to do it; I would've liked to have. I've got a sabbatical break\u2014so I've got margin to do it\u2014to do a Bible study with them. \r\n\r\n(18:31) I'm super excited\u2014matter of fact\u2014one of our kids decided to be a counselor at a Christian camp that she had gone to for a number of years, which was shocking enough that she would want to be this counselor for six weeks. She left college to that last summer. I told her, \u201cMan, we're so proud of you. Man, there's a lot of places you could have spent the summer\u2014but you went there, and you invested in those young girls\u2014as hard as it was, as challenging as it was.\u201d \r\n\r\nThen, when she got back to campus, she says her friends wanted to start a Bible study. She said, \u201cThey've asked me to start the Bible study.\u201d I said, \u201cI'm so proud of you!\u201d She said, \u201cDad, this is not what I do; I don't know how to do this.\u201d Then it clicked for her\u2014I said, \u201cI'll give you all the stuff. If you need help, I'll give you a Bible study,\u201d\u2014then. it clicked for her; she said, \u201cYou know what I can teach them?\u2014the same material I taught last summer for six weeks.\u201d I said, \u201cThat's a great idea! You already have the workbook.\u201d She pulled a workbook out, and she was able to lead that Bible study for the first time. \r\n\r\nI think part of what we've learned is\u2014as she mentioned: modeling it; helping expose it to them; teach it to them\u2014encouraging them as they have wins in their spiritual life. In a church space, pks\u2014preacher's kids\u2014sometimes, have to deal with so much. Being a listening ear to them; but still encouraging them to be in there, and learn and grow; but not feel that pressure. Praying for God to send spiritual mentors in their lives; because sometimes, our voices are not heard\u2014but if there's somebody, who loves the Lord, and loves them\u2014we've had coaches at schools step in and be those voices. \r\n\r\nI think, spiritually, it's a whole experience that you're trying to use everything that you can to try. And the other voice, that's been helpful, is their grandmother. Their grandmother\u2014her mom, who lives ten minutes from us\u2014picks them up; drops them off. This is an extra set of hands; but she would always say to our kids, \u201cHave you prayed about it?\u201d When we, as Mom and Dad, would forget to, sometimes, she would be this\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (20:24):\r\n\r\n\u2014just like she said to you, over the years, Stephanie.\r\n\r\nBryan (20:26):\r\n\r\nShe did; she's been a voice in their lives, spiritually: texting them prayers, texting them verses. \r\n\r\nAnother thing we did was try to make our house that house for sleepovers, for birthday parties, end-of-year parties, spiritually. , right? Well, they just can see us and know us. \r\n\r\nThe last thing we do, spiritually, I started a father-son camp\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: Wait; what?!\r\n\r\nBryan: \u2014about four to five years ago. \r\n\r\nDave: At your church?  \r\n\r\nBryan: Really, amongst some friends, some friends in our church. It started because my son has about four young men\u2014they were all born around the same time\u2014they were all turning 13. We're all getting ready for \u201cthe talk.\u201d Maybe, he\u2019d been 12 at the time. I called the guys; I said, \u201cListen, why don't we do it together? Let's do the talk together.\u201d They said, \u201cYou know what?! Let's do it together!\u201d \r\n\r\n(21:18) We got our sons together; we spent the weekend together, and we did the talk together. That started, as we were talking about purity then; and it's just every year we have these conversations. We go fishing; we hang out; play games. It is the best! \r\n\r\nI'll never forget\u2014we\u2019re sitting there\u2014and they were asking all these, at 10\/11, when they first started, they're asking questions that I don't know. You know what I mean?\u2014\u201cWhy does this happen?\u201d \u201cWhat is this?\u201d\u2014but it was the best. But again, other fathers\/other men available, speaking into each other's lives. I just say it's a whole community; just thrown in all that you can.\r\n\r\nDave (21:55):\r\n\r\nYou know what would be really cool? If you're doing that, in ten years, with the same guys.\r\n\r\nBryan (21:58):\r\n\r\nWouldn't that be cool?\r\n\r\nDave (21:59):\r\n\r\nThey're married men now; they still would want it.\r\n\r\nRon (22:06):\r\n\r\nHey, friends; Ron Deal here, Director of FamilyLife Blended. Did you know Blended &amp;amp; Blessed\u2014the only worldwide livestream designed for couples and blended families\u2014is free this year? Saturday, April 18, we're going to be live in Oklahoma City. If you show up there, we're going to charge you for lunch. But other than that, it is free to livestream. Churches can bring a group of couples together, and enjoy the day, absolutely free. \r\n\r\nGayla Grace is going to be with us; Davey and Kristi Blackburn; Cheryl Shumake\u2019s going to be with us; Kathi Lipp; and Bryan Goins, our emcee. It's going to be a wonderful day; I hope you can join us. Learn more and get the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:52):\r\n\r\nOne of our sons became friends with The Grief; they were in a small group from our church. A guy, who was in his 20s, started leading their group. And now, these guys are 37 to 40, and they still meet.\r\n\r\nBryan (23:06):\r\n\r\nReally?\r\n\r\nAnn (23:07):\r\n\r\nThey don't live around each other; but they meet for vacation\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014once a year.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014with their leader, who's a lawyer. They're still friends; they still stay in touch with one another. It\u2019s really sweet.\r\n\r\nBryan (23:17):\r\n\r\nThat is so cool; that's beautiful.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:18):\r\n\r\nYou guys, this has been so rich. \r\n\r\nDave (23:20):\r\n\r\nYeah, this is rich. \r\n\r\nAnn (23:21):\r\n\r\nBryan, I'm just sitting here, thinking, \u201cI got stuck on the part when your daughter came home and she's saying, \u2018They asked me to lead this Bible study.\u2019\u201d Your enthusiasm, when you say, \u201cYes, you should!\u201d I thought, \u201cIf I had a father who was just cheering me on, and a mother who was saying, \u201cYou can do this,\u201d\u2014our kids are needing that\u2014they don't need our critique at that age. They don't need us to tell them what they're doing wrong. They already feel the pressure of the culture of the world. But for us, as parents, to pray for them, to cheer for them, to ask them: \u201cHey, what are you thinking right now?\u201d \u201cWhat are your goals?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (23:58):\r\n\r\n\u201cGo for it.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (23:59):\r\n\r\nYou guys are impressive. \r\n\r\nStephanie: Oh, bless you. Thank you! \r\n\r\nAnn: I wish you would've raised me! \r\n\r\nStephanie: Oh, my goodness!\r\n\r\nBryan (24:06):\r\n\r\nThank you guys for having us.\r\n\r\nStephanie: Thanks y\u2019all; thanks so much for having us.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:06):\r\n\r\nThank you!\r\n\r\nBryan (24:08):\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s been a real honor to spend some time with you guys.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:09):\r\n\r\nSo fun.\r\n\r\nBryan (24:09):\r\n\r\nLove what the work you guys are doing; incredible job.\r\n\r\nDave and Ann (24:12):\r\n\r\nThank you. \r\n\r\nDave: That was a great day with Bryan and Stephanie. That was our third day in a row\r\n\r\nAnn: I loved them!\r\n\r\nDave: Good stuff; [his] book is called Made to Last: 9 Principles to Build Long Lasting Relationships. Doesn\u2019t everybody want long-lasting relationships? \r\n\r\nAnn (24:30):\r\n\r\nYes, we all want long-lasting relationships. \r\n\r\nDave: So get it now at FamilyLifeToday.com; just click on the link in the show notes.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:36):\r\n\r\nAnd thanks for being with us on FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nDave (24:43):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nCelebrating 50 years of God\u2019s faithfulness as marriages grow stronger and families flourish in Him. \r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/318131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=318131"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=318131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=318131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=318131"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=318131"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=318131"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=318131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}