{"id":317817,"date":"2026-02-18T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-18T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott\/"},"modified":"2026-02-19T03:01:29","modified_gmt":"2026-02-19T08:01:29","slug":"why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott\/","title":{"rendered":"Why am I So Lonely? Real Talk on Deeper, Healing Connections &#8211; Shelby Abbott"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Got packed days, full feeds&#8211;but still that nagging emptiness? The loneliness we hide is real, fueled by tech that mimics friendship but starves the soul. It&#8217;s not just you. Authenticity feels rare and intentional relationships hard to build. Shelby Abbott, author of Why We\u2019re Feeling Lonely and What We Can Do About It, cuts through the noise with lived experience and faith-rooted truth. If you&#8217;ve been wondering, &#8220;Why am I so lonely?&#8221;, he&#8217;ll help you stop living at surface-level\u2014and start pursuing what truly satisfies. Your practical hope for deeper belonging starts here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Shelby Abbott, author of Why We\u2019re Feeling Lonely and What We Can Do About It, helps you move beyond surface-level living to pursue deep, satisfying belonging.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/7640490f-40c4-4a82-a726-b3ee012db38d\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2846,2873],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11400],"cwp_profile":[3552],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-317817","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-depression","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","podcast_series-fake-friendships-shelby-abbott","cwp_profile-shelby-abbott","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/317817\/why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/317817\/why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"E5ISlZSORJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott\/\">Why am I So Lonely? Real Talk on Deeper, Healing Connections &#8211; Shelby Abbott<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-am-i-so-lonely-real-talk-on-deeper-healing-connections-shelby-abbott\/embed\/#?secret=E5ISlZSORJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Why am I So Lonely? Real Talk on Deeper, Healing Connections &#8211; Shelby Abbott&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"E5ISlZSORJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg",1024,1024,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Shelby Abbott, author of Why We\u2019re Feeling Lonely and What We Can Do About It, helps you move beyond surface-level living to pursue deep, satisfying belonging.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Purchase Why We\u2019re Feeling Lonely and What We Can Do About It by Shelby Abbott at your favorite bookstore.<\/li>\n<li>Begin the Easter story early with Resurrection Eggs. <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/resurrection-eggs-30th-anniversary-edition\/\">Start your family tradition now.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=50iye_crCIU&list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">Watch video versions of your podcast on YouTube<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-02-18.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nWhy Am I So Lonely? Real Talk on Deeper, Healing Connections\r\n\r\nGuest:Shelby Abbott\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Fake Friendships (Day 1 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:February 18, 2026\r\n\r\nShelby (00:04):\r\n\r\nWe live our lives, socially, on gas station snack food, really. We just have these little tiny interactions with people. We're scrolling on our phone; and we think that, if we text someone\u2014and we send them a goofy meme, or a GIF, or something like that\u2014that we're actually connecting with people. But you're just shoving the equivalent of Doritos and Nerds Gummy Clusters into your mouth all the time; you're not actually getting nutrition the way that you need it.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:37):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:44):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nBruce [Sound Engineer] (00:57):\r\n\r\nThe audience needs a songwriting contest. Right now, this is happening between Shelby and Dave. You'll notice, at the center of the table\u2014\r\n\r\nShelby (01:06):\r\n\r\nIs this a surprise?\r\n\r\nBruce (01:07):\r\n\r\n\u2014at the center of the table\u2014we call this \u201cA Song in the Hat,\u201d even though there's no hat. You're going to pick\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave (01:13):\r\n\r\nWait a minute; the call it something. We've never done it before; so this isn't like, \u201cI've done this before.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby: Vague; yes. Who's \u201cthey\u201d? \r\n\r\nBruce (01:18):\r\n\r\nYou! There are two things there you'll be pulling from. One of them is the topic of the song; that's in the black bowl. The second thing, in that cream-color jar, is a word that you have to incorporate in the song. You'll draw one piece of paper from each. You both will write a song; and then, we\u2019ll have you perform it.\r\n\r\nDave (01:37):\r\n\r\nOne of the reasons they came up with this idea is we watch you on Facebook and Instagram. You got your little guitar up there, and you're doing your little parody.\r\n\r\nShelby: You guys! I\u2019ve done that one time!\r\n\r\nAnn (01:45):\r\n\r\nYou\u2019ve got some parodies that you [Dave] could do.\r\n\r\nDave (01:45):\r\n\r\nI do parodies, too; so they came up with this idea. Shelby Abbott, the former voice of FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:52):\r\n\r\nI think you're going to be really good at this. \r\n\r\nDave (01:54):\r\n\r\nAlright, Shelby, go ahead! \r\n\r\nShelby (01:55):\r\n\r\nGreat! Now, no pressure. Thank you, Ann.\r\n\r\nDave (01:56):\r\n\r\nPick one and one. You got to tell us what\u2014\r\n\r\nShelby (01:58):\r\n\r\nDo I reveal what this is?\r\n\r\nDave (01:59):\r\n\r\nYeah, you got to tell us what it is: song about what?\r\n\r\nShelby (02:01):\r\n\r\n\u201cArguing with your spouse.\u201d Here's the word I have to include: gumption.\r\n\r\nDave (02:11):\r\n\r\nGumption?!\r\n\r\nShelby: How do I deal with this?\r\n\r\nDave: Alright, mine is \u201cFamily dinner time.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (02:16):\r\n\r\nWhat's your word?\r\n\r\nDave (02:17):\r\n\r\nWhat?! I can't use that word.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:19):\r\n\r\nWait! You\u2019re wrong; you can\u2019t\u2014\r\n\r\nShelby: Is it inappropriate? \r\n\r\nDave: I don't know what it is! \r\n\r\nBruce (02:22):\r\n\r\nWell, then, pick a different one.\r\n\r\nShelby (02:23):\r\n\r\nLet me see; what is it?\r\n\r\nDave: Flummox?\r\n\r\nShelby: Flummox.\r\n\r\nAnn: Flummox.\r\n\r\nShelby: You get flummoxed\u2014you're bothered;\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014you\u2019re frustrated.\r\n\r\nShelby: \u2014you're frustrated;\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave: How do you say it? \r\n\r\nShelby: \u2014jostled. Flummoxed. \r\n\r\nDave (02:32):\r\n\r\nFlummoxed; I\u2019ve never heard that word in my life!\r\n\r\nShelby (02:34):\r\n\r\nYou need to read more.\r\n\r\nDave (02:35):\r\n\r\nFlummox? Flummox!\r\n\r\nShelby (02:38):\r\n\r\nGumption.\r\n\r\nDave (02:38):\r\n\r\nFamily dinner time: [Strumming and singing]\r\n\r\n\u201cSitting down for dinner, with the kids and the dog. \r\n\r\nFood will be flying, and I'll be flux-mugged,\u201d\u2014whatever the word is\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014 flummoxed!\r\n\r\nShelby: \u2014 flummoxed.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014\u201cI\u2019ll be flummoxed.\u201d  \r\n\r\nThe kids will be on their phone, and mom will be so mad. \r\n\r\nI'm going to jump up and leave, because I'm the one in charge.\r\n\r\nBecause dinner time is a great time for fun, family fun!\u201d \r\n\r\nThere's my song. \r\n\r\nOoh; he\u2019s going to the Key of E; I like it.\r\n\r\nShelby (03:24):\r\n\r\nArguing with your spouse and gumption: [Strumming and singing]. \r\n\r\n\u201cShe's got gumption, and I can't function. \r\n\r\nWe eat luncheon; her faults I mention. \r\n\r\nTell me it's my fault; I'll tell her I love her.\r\n\r\nBecause I just, just, just fired my inner lawyer.\u201d \r\n\r\nThat's all I got! [Hoots and hollers]\r\n\r\n(03:52) I tried to do a positive thing there at the end.\r\n\r\nAnn: That even had a little bit of meaning behind it, Shelby!\r\n\r\nDave: Are we done?\r\n\r\nShelby: Oh, we\u2019re done!\r\n\r\nBruce (03:58):\r\n\r\nThat was more than I could have ever imagined; you guys nailed it!\r\n\r\nDave (04:05):\r\n\r\nWell, Shelby's not here to talk about songwriting.\r\n\r\nShelby (04:09):\r\n\r\nNo! Because I'm horrible at it. \r\n\r\nDave (04:09):\r\n\r\nYou should go follow him on his Instagram. What's it called?\r\n\r\nShelby (04:12):\r\n\r\nShelby Abbott; Shelby A-B-B-O-T-T. \r\n\r\nDave (04:15):\r\n\r\nThere's, every once in a while, a little parody on there.\r\n\r\nShelby (04:17):\r\n\r\nYeah, every now and then. It depends on if I get the opportunity with students. \r\n\r\nDave (04:20):\r\n\r\nWelcome back to FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nShelby (04:21):\r\n\r\nThank you; it's good to be here. Maybe you saw the schedule with me coming today, and you were like, \u201cWell, well, well\u2026\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (04:28):\r\n\r\nWe were so happy.\r\n\r\nDave: We were excited; we were like, \u201cShelby\u2019s coming in the studio!\u201d\u2014seriously.\r\n\r\nAnn: We were so happy, because we also know this book is amazing. \r\n\r\nShelby: Oh, thank you. \r\n\r\nAnn: It's part of your heart and part of your journey.\r\n\r\nShelby (04:38):\r\n\r\nIt is. It's called Why We're Feeling Lonely (and What We Can Do About It). I really believe that loneliness is one of the major roadblocks for so many young people, who are struggling to walk with God and just be connected to a community. Almost universally, in my conversations with young people, over the last several years, the common denominator has been a struggle with loneliness in some form or fashion. I wanted to explore why that's happening.\r\n\r\nDave (05:10):\r\n\r\nWas that true, 20 years ago\/30 years ago?\r\n\r\nShelby (05:12):\r\n\r\nIt's always been around, for sure. I would guess that it's not as big of a deal back then as it has been now. I read a couple of things, and I'll read the statistic to you: \u201cThe Surgeon General of the United States sees loneliness as a public health concern, equating its mortality impact to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (05:32):\r\n\r\nI remember reading it, thinking, \u201cHow can that be true?!\u201d That\u2019s crazy!\r\n\r\nShelby (05:38):\r\n\r\nIt's really crazy, because loneliness isn't just a thing that you feel. It affects you physically.\r\n\r\nDave (05:41):\r\n\r\nHow many cigarettes are in a pack?\r\n\r\nShelby (05:42):\r\n\r\nI don\u2019t know.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:45):\r\n\r\nYou [Dave] would know more than anybody, because your mom\u2014\r\n\r\nShelby (05:47):\r\n\r\nMy father smoked, but I don\u2019t remember.\r\n\r\nDave (05:49):\r\n\r\nMy mom did, too. And I'm thinking that's a pack or more a day.\r\n\r\nShelby (05:53):\r\n\r\nYeah, around that. It was declared a loneliness epidemic in the United States; there are key factors that kind of pour into that. \r\n\r\nNow, to answer your question about: \u201cWas this happening in the past?\u201d Of course, it was happening in the past; but it's more of an issue now because of the technology that we have in our lives. We folded it into who we are, as people, that we think it will make us more connected with others; when, in reality, all it does is drive us apart. There's nothing social, really, about social media anymore.\r\n\r\n(06:22) It was created to connect people, but now all it does is entertain people. It's just another form of entertainment. When you're sitting behind your phone, waiting to be entertained, you're not actually connecting with anybody.\r\n\r\nDave (06:35):\r\n\r\nDoes the next generation know that? I remember\/we're old enough to remember when there was no technology; there was no cell phone. I remember thinking, when the first cell phone\u2014we were in seminary\u2014early \u201880s.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:49):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah. They were using\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (06:50):\r\n\r\nAnd I said to Ann,\u2014\r\n\r\nShelby: Oh, those big ones?\r\n\r\nDave (06:52):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cWe should invest; we should invest in this. This is going to\u2014\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nAnn (06:53):\r\n\r\nYeah; they called it a bag phone.\r\n\r\nDave (06:54):\r\n\r\nIt was a big old thing you could take in your car. What?! And then, when we first got a real cell phone, my thought was\u2014and I think this was the MO of the day\u2014was: \u201cThis will eliminate bringing work home. I'll be able to get it done; I'll be connected.\u201d I thought it would free up our life, and it did the opposite. \r\n\r\nShelby (07:14):\r\n\r\n\u2014the exact opposite.\r\n\r\nDave (07:14):\r\n\r\nYou can't get away from work. It's the same thing in relationships, right?\r\n\r\nShelby (07:18):\r\n\r\nYep, absolutely. \r\n\r\nDave (07:19):\r\n\r\nWe're connected, but we're not!\r\n\r\nShelby (07:21):\r\n\r\nI want to say that the heart of the desire to create social media was\u2014I mean, they put it in the name\u2014to be social with other people: \u201cOh, you connect with your friends.\u201d That's what Facebook was when it first came out. It was only on college campuses; you had to have a .edu email address in order to sign up for Facebook when it first came out.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:39):\r\n\r\nAnd MySpace: wasn't that the first one?\r\n\r\nShelby (07:40):\r\n\r\nYeah, MySpace was another one. You could share music preferences; and you had the top\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014eight people, who were your best friends, at the top; you could move them. It was almost like a speed dial, who was on your speed dial back then. It was opportunities to connect with people. \r\n\r\nBut over time, as corporations got involved, advertising became part of it. We were vying for people's attention as opposed to their desire to connect with other people. Attention became the commodity that people wanted to utilize: \u201cIf we can keep their attention, let's do whatever we can to sell them whatever we want to.\u201d  It became gambling as opposed to connection with other people in your life.\r\n\r\nDave (08:22):\r\n\r\nI've never heard that term with social media: gambling\u2014it really is\u2014because you\u2019re rolling the dice to see what algorithm\u2019s going to hit; and then, I can be more connected and actually make money.\r\n\r\nShelby (08:34):\r\n\r\nWell, they've hired people, who invented and work on slot machines in Vegas, at social media companies to help them actually understand how to keep people hooked, how to keep them connected. Slot machines, especially\u2014I haven't played\u2014but the digital ones now\u2014I've seen movies\u2014they pull the thing, or they push the button, or whatever. It's like a chance about what's going to happen. It's that addiction there that pours into the desire to see more, to absorb more, to connect more. That is what people have utilized now to keep people's attention. It does the exact opposite of what it was invented for.\r\n\r\nAnn (09:13):\r\n\r\nI think a lot of our listeners know you\u2014know your voice\u2014have an idea of what you've done in the past. These younger generations really are important to you. Share a little bit why that is; and even, your background.\r\n\r\nShelby (09:24):\r\n\r\nI became a Christian through the ministry of Cru my freshman year at Virginia Tech; it changed my life. I got involved immediately; and eventually, became a leader within Cru. When I got to about midway through my junior year of college, I was like, \u201cI got to come on staff. This is what I have to do. This is what I feel like I'm built for.\u201d I came right on staff as soon as I graduated; raised my support in about eight months; and my first ministry assignment was James Madison University in Virginia. \r\n\r\nI was there for seven years, doing what we would call normal campus ministry: leading a Bible study; discipling men. I ran our large group meeting; being in charge of retreats and conferences, and things like that. I just loved it; I just absolutely loved it. I felt like the old adage that Bill Bright came up with in the \u201850s: \u201cReach the campus today; you reach the world tomorrow.\u201d I just bought into that completely, because the leaders of tomorrow were on the college campus today. \r\n\r\nIt's a little bit different now, culturally; but still, you're working with, generally, sharp people when they come to a college campus\u2014people who want to get a career\u2014they're driven in a certain way. And those people, if you could reach them at this key point in time in their life, where they're not under the supervision of mom and dad anymore, where, if they show up to a Bible study, they actually want to be there; they're not being forced to be there. You can be more serious about stuff; it doesn't have to always be: \u201cLet's entertain them with a game first.\u201d \u201cNo, let's actually hop into the Bible study.\u201d I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that; I love doing that kind of stuff.\r\n\r\n(10:53) But there's a seriousness that people have\u2014they don't want to be impressed\u2014they want authenticity. I might step on somebody's toes here; but they don't want the fog machines, and the light shows, and the perfectly-curated worship set, and the absolutely perfect-to-the-Word talk or sermon. They enjoy those kinds of things, but they'd rather have genuine connection. They would rather have authenticity. They would rather someone be upfront and talk about their flaws; and then, talk about what they've learned as a result. They still want mentors; they still want sages who have gone before them. They don't really care what you look like. They would rather have someone talk about the reality of what they've gone through. \r\n\r\nI'm all about that\u2014I'm all about being genuine; I'm all about being real; I will talk about my flaws; I will talk about what I've gone through, what I'm currently struggling with; and I am a failure, just as much as they are. If we point to Jesus: \u201cHere's where you go to receive genuine help in your life,\u201d they're just going to respond to that.\r\n\r\nDave (12:09):\r\n\r\nWhat if the questions you're too embarrassed to ask are the ones your marriage needs answered?\r\n\r\nAnn (12:16):\r\n\r\nMarriage After Dark is FamilyLife's newest podcast, where a real married couple talks, openly, about healthy God-honoring sex. Yes, the stuff you'd never ask your pastor or your friends.\r\n\r\nDave (12:29):\r\n\r\nSo for more, go to FamilyLife.com\/MarriageAfterDark; because intimacy shouldn't stay in the dark. Again, that's FamilyLife.com\/MarriageAfterDark.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:46):\r\n\r\nYou've worked, decades, with these younger generations. I'm guessing this topic is something that you've seen. Have you experienced this idea of loneliness? And what are you seeing, as you talk to these kids\u2014are you seeing it, as you talk to them?\r\n\r\nDave (13:01):\r\n\r\nWhat she really wants to know is your story.\r\n\r\nShelby (13:03):\r\n\r\nWell, I've definitely experienced loneliness in a sense that, about five years ago, I was struggling a lot with physical pain. I have a herniated disc in my lower back that puts pressure on my sciatic nerve\u2014did everything to try to get rid of it\u2014and it's still present in my life. \r\n\r\nAnn: It is?\r\n\r\nShelby: It's not as bad as it was before, by the grace of God. But feeling pain\u2014Dave, you know this\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: Oh, yeah. \r\n\r\nShelby: \u2014physical pain can make you look around, and go: \u201cNobody understands this,\u201d \u201cNobody gets me.\u201d  Now, even my wife, who would try to be empathetic sometimes with certain things, I'd be like, \u201cShe does not understand.\u201d Just that sentence that you say to yourself puts distance between you and other people. It makes you feel like: \u201cI'm all alone here.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (13:50):\r\n\r\n\u201cI'm alone.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby (13:50):\r\n\r\n\u201cNobody gets it.\u201d That, coupled with really just trying to connect with Jesus in those moments, can be really difficult until someone kind of helps you to understand that Jesus really does get what you're going through. That, by its very nature, you need people to tell you that; you need friends to be in your life. At this season in my life, when I was going through the height of my pain, I didn't have any guy friends who were really involved in my life. I had friends, of course, and casual acquaintances; and people who I would call my friends, that we'd hang out with, every now and then. But I never had someone looking at me, and going, \u201cTell me, genuinely, what's going on with you,\u201d\u2014and call me on my garbage\u2014put a mirror up in front of my face, and saying, \u201cActually, you're treating your wife this way; and it's got to stop,\u201d or \u201cHey, throw your arm around me; cry with me. Help me to be brutally honest about what's happening in my life.\u201d\r\n\r\n(15:04) The combination of the pain and the lack of authentic friendships was just devastating for me in that time. I don't know if I would've labeled it as loneliness at the time. I can look back on it now, and say, \u201cThat was definitely a season of loneliness for me.\u201d I was just\u2014self-pity, self-wallowing\u2014it's like: \u201cNobody gets me. I don't really have any friends.\u201d\r\n\r\nMen, I think in particular, struggle with this when they get to middle age. It's hard to make guy friends\u2014who will actually ask you honest questions, and go deep with you\u2014who don't always want to stay on the surface level; it's hard to find those people. Surface level is great. I love talking about football. I love talking about movies. I love joking around and being silly. I love razzing on people and joking, which is why I do that with you; I love you\u2014but I like that kind of stuff. But if it's only that, and you stay there all the time, your soul will eventually go, \u201cI am starving for something. I am starving for something more. I need actual nutrition.\u201d\r\n\r\n(15:50) We live our lives, socially, on gas station snack food, really. We just have these little tiny interactions with people. We're scrolling on our phone and we think that, if we text someone, or we send them a goofy meme, or a GIF, or something like that, that we're actually connecting with people. But you're just shoving the equivalent of Doritos and Nerds Gummy Clusters into your mouth all the time; you're not actually getting nutrition the way that you need it. \r\n\r\nWhen I discovered that, I started praying: \u201cLord, will You, number one, help me to feel better, physically? And then, will you bring a friend into my life? Will you bring, at least, just one friend?\u201d By the grace of God, I met this guy at my church who I kind of knew a little bit before. But we, all of a sudden, hit it off. We decided to just be honest with one another, and communicate gospel truths to one another; but just be brutally honest about what was going on in our lives.\r\n\r\n(16:50) It was scary, man. He was saying some truthful things about what was happening with him. I was like: \u201cYellow flags, red flags, red flags; this guy needs to work on a lot!\u201d I'm sure he was thinking the same thing about me. But that ended up being a blossoming friendship that, to this day, he's one of my best friends\u2014just texted me, literally, right now\u2014it came through on my iPad. \r\n\r\nI had [that] friend, who was close; and then, I committed with another friend, who lives in Virginia; I live in Pennsylvania. We have an hour-and-a-half long conversation once every month. It's on the calendar; it's by the clock. We do it every single time; we don't neglect it; we don't put it off. We ask each other hard questions. We laugh with one another; we pray with one another. God answered that prayer; it was as simple as: \u201cLord, will You please bring me some friends?\u201d It was a life-preserver, just throwing that up: \u201cWill You help me?\u201d And He did. \r\n\r\nDave (17:43):\r\n\r\nIs that what you would say, when you earlier said, \u201cMan, I was carrying around this pain, and I had no one to talk to about it.\u201d I thought, \u201cThat's almost everybody.\u201d In one sense; that is, husbands, listening right now, who feel like there's things they're carrying around they can't even talk to their wife about; and probably, women are feeling the same way.\r\n\r\nAnn (18:02):\r\n\r\nYeah, I think that, too. Dave and I were talking about this topic of loneliness as we were driving in today. I said, \u201cI think my loneliest time was actually when our kids were little and our marriage was struggling. I felt like he was right\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (18:16):\r\n\r\nBy the way, thanks Shelby; that was a great drive in today. I'm like, \u201cWe were married; we were doing great! \r\n\r\nAnn: We\u2019re sleeping right beside each other, and I felt like we were miles apart. I think that can happen in marriage. \r\n\r\nI think, as you're talking, this book just generates so many great conversations about loneliness: where we go to hide the things that we do to cope with our loneliness. We're going to get into that. \r\n\r\nBut I think, as listeners\u2014maybe, this is you as an adult, a married person, a single person\u2014maybe, you're thinking\/here's what I would think, as a wife and as a mom: I would think, \u201cOh, my husband needs a friend.\u201d My kids could be lonely, or they're struggling\u2014I think we're going to talk to all of those things today. But even your prayer\u2014I'm thinking about the wife, thinking, \u201cI wish my husband just had one friend. I wish he'd pray that prayer,\u201d\u2014but you can pray it!\r\n\r\nShelby (19:10):\r\n\r\nYeah, you can pray that; you can stand in the gap for him. I remember I was with my wife, having a casual conversation. A neighbor, from a different street, came down; and she was talking. My wife and her are friends, would exercise together, every now and then. Her husband\u2014my wife's friend's husband\u2014is a great guy. He's really fun to be around; he's silly; he's goofy. He's got a lot of bizarre information about movies and televisions, what type of television you should buy; and all that kind of stuff. He's an interesting guy. At one point, the woman\/his wife goes, just casually, \u201cWell, my husband doesn't have any friends, so he's always available for blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (19:52):\r\n\r\nWas he standing beside her?\r\n\r\nShelby (19:53):\r\n\r\nNo, no, no; he was not there. Knowing her personality, she probably would've said that if he was there. But when she said that, I was like, \u201cHuh, is that me? Does my wife say that about me, too?\u201d It made me really evaluate what was going on in my life. It was around the same time that I was just mentioning. I was like, \u201cI need to be more proactive about this.\u201d My wife is really good at staying connected to people. She is loyal; she has friends from high school that she still meets with and communicates with. She's got friends from college that she connects with; and she's got a best friend now, who she talks to every day. What if I had something like that? What if I was just more intentional? \r\n\r\n(20:37) I\u2019m intentional about a lot of different things\u2014men are intentional about what they're intentional about\u2014whether it be working on cars, engineering, video games; and with young people, I'm like, \u201cYou're intentional about Legos, for crying out loud.\u201d You put thought and effort into the things that you want to put thought and effort into. What if I would transfer that kind of energy into building friendships, like genuine friendships with other people, who I could really go deep with?\r\n\r\nWhat if you, as a wife, were like, \u201cMy husband is really passionate about \u2018x,\u2019 \u2018y,\u2019 and \u2018z.\u2019 What if he took that passion and transferred it onto making friends?\u201d\u2014and not just guys, who would get together in a garage\u2014\"men, who would ask you hard questions; who would be annoying enough to get in your life, and ask you, \u2018What's actually happening?\u2019; and see what happens, and see how the Lord provides?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (21:32):\r\n\r\nMy first thought is: \u201cThe average guy says, \u2018Uhuh, don't sign me up for that.\u2019\u201d It's fear; you're afraid: \u201cThey're going to dig into my life?! I got sins; I got temptations; things that I think about; I don't really want anybody to know. I'm just going to keep those to myself.\u201d That's my first thought. \r\n\r\nWomen may be like, \u201cYeah, I want to share that stuff and talk.\u201d Again, I don't know if that's true for women more than men, but I know a lot of guys that, like the little\u2014what was it?\u2014in Get Smart\u2014a little cone of silence or whatever; the thing around you\u2014it's like, \u201cI'm going to be stuck inside here. I can see you; you can see me, but you're not getting inside here.\u201d What do you say to that guy? We both know\u2014\u201cHe needs it; I need it,\u201d\u2014but he's afraid of it; because, at the end of the day: \u201cIf some guy\u2014and I really like this guy, and we're friends\u2014but if he probes in a little too deep, I don't think I want to go there.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby (22:26):\r\n\r\nYeah. I would ask the question: \u201cHow's that working out for you?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: That's a good one. \r\n\r\nShelby: It's just: \u201cSeriously, how's it working out for you?\u201d Because you can only self-entertain for so long. You can only watch so many YouTube videos before you're just like, \u201cUgh!\u201d COVID taught us that, right?\u2014everybody. Isolation is not a good thing. Every introvert in the world was like, \u201cYay, COVID; I get to be by myself for a while, and people won't bother me.\u201d But several months in, everyone's clamoring for authentic connections with people.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:57):\r\n\r\nBecause that\u2019s how God's made us.\r\n\r\nShelby (22:58):\r\n\r\nYeah, we're made to be meaningfully connected; you are made that way. You can't run from that, no matter what your personality is; you are made to have genuine connections with people.\r\n\r\nDave (23:07):\r\n\r\nHow about the guy? \r\n\r\nShelby (23:08):\r\n\r\nI would look at that guy, and go, \u201cHow's that working out for you?\u201d And then, I would have a frank conversation; ask his permission to say, \u201cHey, do you give me permission to speak into your life? I want to give you permission to speak into my life: tell me the hard things; tell me the good things. Let's continue to laugh, and have fun, and talk about football or whatever. But do I have permission to ask you more in-depth questions, difficult questions?\u201d If he gives you permission, and you give him permission, follow through with that.\r\n\r\nDave (23:38):\r\n\r\nYeah, go with it. \r\n\r\nShelby (23:39):\r\n\r\nIt can be scary; of course, it's scary to do that. But why should that stop you? Why should fear be the element that stops you from having the meaningful connections that God has made you for?\r\n\r\nDave (23:55):\r\n\r\nWhat a great day with Shelby.\r\n\r\nAnn (23:57):\r\n\r\nI love having Shelby with us. What we talked about: boy, I feel like it's so important and needed.\r\n\r\nDave (24:03):\r\n\r\nI'm just going to tell you: \u201cGo get his book\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you can click on the link in the show notes.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd guess what? We're not done; we're going to have him back tomorrow. Maybe, we'll make him sing again. Nah, I think we will leave that just for one day. \r\n\r\nAnn (24:15):\r\n\r\nBut it was good.\r\n\r\nDave (24:15):\r\n\r\nIt was good; his was better than mine.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:17):\r\n\r\nWe know life is full of challenges, and families today need biblical truth more than ever. As a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources.\r\n\r\nDave (24:33):\r\n\r\nSo let's make a lasting difference together\u2014become a Partner today\u2014just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the \u201cDonate\u201d button.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nCelebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/317817","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317817"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317817"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=317817"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=317817"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=317817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}