{"id":317765,"date":"2026-02-09T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-09T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe\/"},"modified":"2026-02-10T02:57:23","modified_gmt":"2026-02-10T07:57:23","slug":"stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage: Ted Lowe"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are there ways you\u2019re shooting your own marriage in the foot? Author Ted Lowe knows 5 bad habits that could stealthily undercut all the closeness you crave&#8211;and 5 ways to stop them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On FamilyLife Today with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, Author Ted Lowe knows 5 bad habits that stealthily undercut the closeness you crave.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/19dc8961-0f98-4669-aa01-b3db011b5824\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849,2863],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9887],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-317765","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","category-saving-a-marriage","cwp_profile-ted-lowe","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/317765\/stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/317765\/stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5HucEWSmT5\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe\/\">Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage: Ted Lowe<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-sabotaging-your-marriage-ted-lowe\/embed\/#?secret=5HucEWSmT5\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage: Ted Lowe&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5HucEWSmT5\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["19dc8961-0f98-4669-aa01-b3db011b5824"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/19dc8961-0f98-4669-aa01-b3db011b5824\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:24:55"],"filesize":["22.85M"],"_thumbnail_id":["295627"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Get \"Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage\" by Ted Lowe wherever books are sold.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/content-offers\/familylifes-best-of-marriage\/\">FamilyLife.com\/marriagehelp<\/a> \u2014 free marriage resources<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-02-09.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nStop Sabotaging Your Marriage\r\n\r\nGuest:Ted Lowe\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage (Day 1 of 1)\r\n\r\nAir date:February 9, 2026\r\n\r\nAnn (00:04):\r\n\r\nOkay, let me ask you something.\r\n\r\nDave (00:06):\r\n\r\nI'm a little scared; I don't know what you're going to ask.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:08):\r\n\r\nDo you feel like you've ever sabotaged our marriage?\r\n\r\nDave (00:12):\r\n\r\nOh, my goodness! My first thought is: \u201cI've sabotaged it countless times every year.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Really? \r\n\r\nDave: Oh, in things I've said or done. I mean, 42\u2014now, 43 years\u2014yeah, I think I've sabotaged in many ways. \r\n\r\nAnn: Don\u2019t you think every couple has?\r\n\r\nDave: I think you've sabotaged it more than I have. \r\n\r\nAnn: Probably!\r\n\r\nAnn (00:40):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:46):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nDave: I honestly think, \u201cMan, if I'd done better in year one,\u201d \u201c\u2026in year five,\u201d  and \u201c\u2026ten, we could be...\u201d But here's the thing: I also, when I say that out loud, feel like the grace of God has been so good. Here we are sitting\u2014and I look at you\u2014I love you more than I ever have.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:19):\r\n\r\nMe too. And the good news is we've learned, the hard way, in so many different ways, that we can maybe help other people not sabotage their marriage the way we have.\r\n\r\nDave (01:30):\r\n\r\nToday, we're going to talk about five ways to stop sabotaging your marriage. And we've got the guy to do it; Ted Lowe is back in the studio with us!\r\n\r\nAnn: We're so excited, Ted; you're here!\r\n\r\nTed (01:38):\r\n\r\nGuys, I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.\r\n\r\nDave (01:40):\r\n\r\nAnd you're over there, thinking, \u201cWhat in the world are we really going to talk about?!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (01:45):\r\n\r\nNo, I'm kind of loving watching you guys talk to each other like this. It's super refreshing. It's not like what I experience on a regular basis; well done!\r\n\r\nDave (01:52):\r\n\r\nHow many years you've been doing marriage ministry?\r\n\r\nTed (01:55):\r\n\r\nSince 2001.\r\n\r\nDave (01:57):\r\n\r\nSo you are the guy to tell us how to stop sabotaging our marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:01):\r\n\r\nAnd we've interviewed you before on your book called Us in Mind\u2014so maybe, you've [listener] heard some of this\u2014I think these are going to be really good.\r\n\r\nDave (02:10):\r\n\r\nOne of the things you mentioned, in Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage, is five intentional thoughts. I'm guessing you would say, and I agree, that these will\u2014if you do these, you'll [want to] stop doing these\u2014because the first one: \u201cRemember who I am,\u201d \u2014I think we often do the opposite; we don't know who we are\u2014and that destroys a marriage. How does that destroy marriage?\r\n\r\nTed (02:33):\r\n\r\nLike we talked about the last time I was with you guys, our thoughts\u2014they're not our actions and our attitudes; I know I sound repetitive\u2014our thoughts are not our actions or attitudes, but they lead to both. What I've found, after doing this for a really long time\u2014and didn't even really do the math on it until a couple years ago\u2014is most of us aren't thinking about what we're thinking about. We just trust our thoughts as if they're going to always lead us in the right direction: as if they're always true, and as if they're always helpful, and as if they're always kind. The book kind of revolves around that; it revolves around, \u201cOkay, how do we become more intentional with our thoughts? How do we boss our thoughts instead of our thoughts bossing us?\u201d\r\n\r\n(03:16) The first one was: \u201cTo remember who I am.\u201d I think one of the things that's been the most powerful for me, personally, and ultimately for my marriage, is remembering Whose I am. I think we can complicate Jesus and God in so many ways. But just go back, constantly, that we are His child, that we are His. I feel like there's been a few times I feel like God has whispered things to me\u2014not audibly, but just on my heart\u2014says, \"You'll become a man in your world as you become a child of Mine.\"\r\n\r\n(03:44) Kids are always looking for approval, looking for worth, looking for value; but I feel like, when I remember who I am, I'm already a man here. But just, when you're His child, then you lean back; and you trust Him to be Him and you to be you. He's way bigger than us; and that's really, really good news. He adores us\u2014we listen to critical thoughts more than Him\u2014and I think it breaks His heart. The thought I've had before, too: it'd be like our kids coming home and telling us what a bully had said to them all day; and then, looking at us and going, \"Hey, all the things you've told me my whole life, I believe the bully more than you. \" That would break our hearts. I know it's got to break the heart of God, when He said, \"Oh, why don't they listen to how much I love them?\" Just the simplicity of that is\u2014somebody going, \"Oh, I am so loved; I can breathe.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (04:35):\r\n\r\nThere was a girl that I worked with, who came to my house. She had tried to commit suicide three times. It was after her freshman year of college\u2014where she had an injury; and she couldn't play soccer anymore\u2014she couldn't perform at the level that she once performed. She sat down on my couch, and I asked her, \"Who are you? \" And she said, \"I'm a soccer player.\" I said, \"That's what you do, but who are you?\" She said, \"I have no idea. If I can't do that anymore, I don't know who I am.\u201d I shared the gospel, because that's what gives us our worth of what Jesus did for us. She ended up, a few weeks later, gave her life to Jesus. Here's what we think when we do that: \u201cNow, I'm free! I can live in this.\u201d But for years, she had been believing the \u201cFred in her head\u201d [lies in our head]. \r\n\r\n(05:41) It takes practice. What I saw [when] I went to this conference with her: she's amazing; she's beautiful; she's smart; she's funny; she adds so much to every group she's with. But as we're in this group, all of a sudden, she's with us in physical form; but her mind is gone. I remember pulling her aside, and I said, \"Where are you?\" She said, \"I don't belong here. I'm not good enough to be with these people. They don't understand who I am and what I've done,\"\u2014and that's what you're saying. \r\n\r\nI felt\u2014I remember lifting her head\u2014and I said, \"Jesus knows who you are; He knows that you're here. He loves you. This is who you are: a daughter of the King! The Holy Spirit lives\u2014the God who created the universe\u2014lives in you. We need the fullness of who you are; I need the fullness of who you are.\" \r\n\r\nI love\u2014that's what you're saying, Ted\u2014\"If we don't know that, we become lost in ourselves.\u201d\r\n\r\n[Guitar music playing.]\r\n\r\nTed (06:30):\r\n\r\nI didn't know this show had music! \r\n\r\nDave: It just comes in out of nowhere.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:35):\r\n\r\nIt's kind of amazing; isn't it?\r\n\r\nTed (06:37):\r\n\r\nI'm not really sure what's happening, but I'm sort of loving it. \r\n\r\nAnn: It's exciting; isn't it?! \r\n\r\nTed: It is! Are you guys bringing in puppies next? I don't think I could be any happier than I am in this moment.\r\n\r\nDave (06:51):\r\n\r\nEverything's better with music behind it; right? \r\n\r\nAnn: It is!\r\n\r\nDave: This is a chorus we've all probably heard, that came out years ago. At church, I'd play bass; I didn't usually sing. But when the singer would sing this lyric, I thought\u2014I would tear up\u2014because it's our identity; it's what you're saying; you know what it is. [Singing] \u201cI'm no longer a slave to fear;\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave and Ann: \u2014\"I am a child of God.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (07:19):\r\n\r\nIt's a simple phrase; and yet\u2014I don't know if you remember the bridge\u2014\"I am surrounded\u201d\u2014look at that\u2014\u201cby the arms of the Father; I am surrounded by songs of deliverance.\u201d You could go on; it\u2019s just\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014songs of deliverance. \r\n\r\nDave: The reason I would tear up is something in my soul was saying, \"That's who I am; that's who we are.\u201d And that, when you bring into a marriage, you're right\u2014that's not going to sabotage a marriage\u2014it\u2019s going to build.\r\n\r\nTed (08:00):\r\n\r\nWell, that song is based off the verse [my] chapter is based off of [Romans 8:15].\r\n\r\nAnn: Really?\r\n\r\n(08:04):\r\n\r\nTed: \u201cThe Spirit I gave you is not that of a slave who lives in fear.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: That's good. \r\n\r\nTed: How great is that? The Spirit\u2014capital S\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the Spirit.\r\n\r\nTed: \u2014has brought about your adoption into sonship. And so He is saying, \u201cYou're safe; you're adopted. I'm doing all the dad stuff.\" I remember I'd say to our kids, when they were little, \"That's a big-people problem; you don't have to worry about that. You go be a kid. That's a big-people problem; I got this.\u201d Especially, our daughter\u2014she was anxious\u2014\"No, no\u2026\" I think sometimes [God says], \"No, no, no, Ted; this is a God-problem; this is not for you. You just go\u2014you feel loved\u2014and live loved.\" \r\n\r\nAnn (08:36):\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDave (08:37):\r\n\r\nYeah, that's good stuff. So that's just one!\r\n\r\nAnn (08:39):\r\n\r\nThat's a good one because, when we remember who we are, we bring the best of ourselves to the table, with our kids and our marriage.\r\n\r\nDave (08:46):\r\n\r\nNumber two: \u201cIf you want to sabotage your marriage or your family, see the worst.\u201d You say, \u201cSee the best!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (08:53):\r\n\r\nYeah, it's something that happy couples do. I don't know if they do it, because they learned it; I don't know if it's because their brains are naturally wired that way, but they see the best in their spouse. I do believe that we can all learn it and start to see it. Philippians 4:8 gives us a really great filter of thinking: \u201cWhatever Is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is right, whatever is lovely; if anything is praiseworthy,\u201d\u2014anything\u2014some people: we got to start there: \u201cIs there anything?\u201d Because people will say to me, \"There's nothing!\"\r\n\r\nAnn (09:20):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah; that's what I hear, too.\r\n\r\nTed (09:21):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah; especially, when they're fired up about it: \u201cNo, no; that does not work. That works for everybody on the planet, but me.\u201d I get it. But again, the verse starts with \u201ctrue\u201d; you can deal with some really hard things when it's true. And then, you know what you're dealing with; because you're starting with truth and not denial: \u201cOkay; what is true about our situation? What's true about them?\u201d \r\n\r\nSee the best; what I'll say to couples: \u201cLet what you love about your spouse block the view of what you don't; start there. If you want to come back to those things, great. But what do you love about them? Because you loved something about them, at some point.\u201d \r\n\r\n(09:49) You watch a couple: they're really frustrated, sitting across from me. When I can't get anywhere with them, I'll say, \"So wow, you guys; boy, this is tough. How'd you get together?\" Their body language will change when they start focusing. They did see the best in each other, and the way they treated each other was so great. We get so\u2014life is hard\u2014it gets going fast, and we stop seeing the things. We start going; and we're just thinking our spouse becomes a hindrance, [getting] in the way of getting the things we got to get done, done.\r\n\r\nAnn (10:31):\r\n\r\nAnd we start comparing our life compared to their life, thinking that we are doing so much more.\r\n\r\nTed (10:38):\r\n\r\n\u2014100 percent. The number-one time couples are fighting is when they reconnect at the end of the day. I think part of that is they come in, and they compare:\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (10:45):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nTed (10:45):\r\n\r\n\u2014\"Oh, my day\u2026\u201d \u201cOh, my day\u2026\u201d \u201cOh, you think your day was tough?!\" \r\n\r\nI worked for an organization for a while. I would actually go in and speak a couple of times a year\u2014organization that worked with couples, who had children that were on the autism spectrum\u2014they would come in. I would watch; and I would see some of them\u2014all the things they were dealing with actually drew them together\u2014and others, it had totally pushed them apart. I think the divorce rate is pretty staggering. \r\n\r\nI'd done this retreat about ten times. I'm driving home, and I'm like, \"What is the difference between these two couples?\u201d \r\n\r\nWhat is the difference when it's pulling them together, where they're all sitting on like this sectional couch; and then, they couldn't even get close enough to each other. \r\n\r\nAnd the other one's like, they wanted to sit in the other room. \r\n\r\nIt hit me: \u201cIt's really a mindset of when they're reentering the home; because they would fight, and they had pretty similar things\/struggles. It would be like, \"Hey, I'm going to honor everything you've done today. You've been home\u2014you've been with our kid all day\u2014you've been researching all the treatments; you've been researching all the therapies. I'm going to honor that.\" The other one: \"Hey, I'm going to honor the fact that you are out, trying to make the finances to make that happen,\u201d\u2014because insurance is not great in this regard. It was like: \"I'm going to honor what you're doing instead of compare. [We\u2019re] going to carry each other's burdens.\" \r\n\r\nThere was this one lady: it was such a great example of this. She said that, when her two kids, who were both on the spectrum, she would be home; and their days were really, really tough. She said she would hear the garage door go open, and the kids would. Dad would come in, and they would race to dad and wrestle with dad. She's like, \"I couldn't get a hug out of them. Here, he's been gone all day; and they went to wrestle with him.\" And she said, \"It made me so angry.\" She goes, \"I was mad at all three of them!\" \r\n\r\n(12:19) And then, she said\u2014one day, she said\u2014\"You know what? I'm going to join in.\u201d She said she just ran and just dove on top of them. She became a part of it, but it was just a mindset shift. It was something that was hurting her, and it's totally understandable. Of course, that would break your heart\u2014of course, it would; of course, it's not logical; it doesn't make any sense\u2014but she changed her mind-set. That was the difference; it was a mindset shift to see the best in them. \r\n\r\nBecause, usually, when we'll pull back\u2014especially, if somebody's listening right now\u2014hopefully, they're not in the middle of a fight; so their brains are kind of cool and calm. You can go, \"Okay, let me just consider that for a minute: \u2018What do I love about them?\u2019\"\r\n\r\nAnn (13:03):\r\n\r\nYeah, put in your phone! I'd put it in the notes; and then, even send it to him, like, \"Hey, thanks for these things\u2026\"\r\n\r\nDave (13:10):\r\n\r\nYeah, why don't you do that? That would be great.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:10):\r\n\r\nI'm going to; I\u2019m going to do it tomorrow!\r\n\r\nTed (13:13):\r\n\r\nTomorrow's always a good new day.\r\n\r\nDave (13:15):\r\n\r\nAnd the truth is\u2014like you said\u2014it's intentional; because if you don't do it intentionally, you'll default to the negative: you'll see the worst! \r\n\r\nWhen Ann and I were dating, and engaged, she could list all my great qualities: \u201cHe's this, this, this.\u201d Six months later, she yells at me, \u201cMarrying you was the biggest mistake in my life!\u201d She said that.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:35):\r\n\r\n\u201cThere's not one thing I even like about it.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (13:38):\r\n\r\nYeah, she saw that\u2014all the negative\u2014and it was all there. \r\n\r\nTo flip that\u2014because I think we default to negative\u2014we drive by a car wreck; we all want to watch it rather than\u2014it's the same thing in our marriages. We want to see the worst rather than seeing what you just said: \u201cNo, I want to default to\u2014I want to see the positive; it's there\u2014but I have to choose it.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (13:58):\r\n\r\nOkay; we need to move, because we've got three more to go.\r\n\r\nDave (14:02):\r\n\r\nNumber three: \u201cIntentional thought to build your marriage is choose empathy.\u201d I guess, to sabotage it, is stop choosing what?\u2014negativity? \r\n\r\nTed (14:11):\r\n\r\nI think it's when you\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (14:12):\r\n\r\n\u2014anger?\r\n\r\nTed (14:13):\r\n\r\n\u2014try to\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014fix this.\r\n\r\nTed (14:13):\r\n\r\n\u2014fix them.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:14):\r\n\r\nYeah. \r\n\r\nTed (14:15):\r\n\r\nA lot of times, we try to fix our spouse's emotions; because we don't like their emotions. Or they\u2019re inconvenient; they're going: \"Oh, here we go again.\" Or we don't like that; it just doesn't make any sense to us. Or we see when someone's emotional, they're\u2014not usually, but can be\u2014talking irrationally or illogical, maximizing statements about things; and we want to fix that. \r\n\r\nBoth men and women do it. Guys are more classic about: \u201cLet me just fix this.\u201d My wife told me one time, after a series of this not going well and me not being empathetic, she goes, \"I don't want you to fix this; I want you to feel this.\" It's so much easier just to feel it\u2014just to sit there, and to look with a genuine look on my face that mimics, not mocks, that look on her; and just, \"I'm so sorry this is hard.\u201d And she's the same way\u2014says things like\u2014\"That's understandable. If I were you, I\u2019d feel the same way.\" Or just, \"Ah, I'm so sorry; that sounds terrible,\u201d \u201cThat sounds so tough; I'm so sorry!\" \r\n\r\n(15:12) She used to go away with her girlfriends\u2014or she still does once a year\u2014the four of them will go on a trip, the same ladies; and they've done it for years. She comes back; and she'll talk about they share \u201cx,\u201d \u201cy,\u201d and \u201cz.\u201d I go, \"Well, what did they say about it? \" \"Nothing.\" I'm like, \"Why don't you talk about it?!\" For years, I didn't get it: \u201cOh, she loves that trip because they're so empathetic; and they don't try to fix each other.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo yeah\u2014don't try to fix it\u2014and that's for men and women. And that's the good stuff: don't try to fix that they love something that you don't. If your spouse\u2014I'll see this [during] the holidays\u2014you got one that loves to decorate and get everything. Oh, I can tell, immediately,\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (15:48):\r\n\r\n\u2014and buy presents.\r\n\r\nTed (15:49):\r\n\r\n\u2014presents. \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014too many presents. \r\n\r\nTed: \u2014too many presents.\r\n\r\nDave (15:53):\r\n\r\nDoesn't stay within budget.\r\n\r\nTed (15:56):\r\n\r\nAnd then, you got the grit.\r\n\r\nDave (15:57):\r\n\r\nAm I supposed to\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: Is there a budget?\r\n\r\nDave (15:58):\r\n\r\nAm I supposed to feel that?\u2014or fix that?\r\n\r\nTed (16:02):\r\n\r\nWell, I don't know. I'm not going to go that deep with it, but it is the thing of there is typically one who loves all that; and the other one's like, \"Are you kidding me, again? Why?\u2014why do we need multiple trees?\u201d Our house has multiple trees.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:17):\r\n\r\nYou have to!\r\n\r\nTed (16:19):\r\n\r\n\u201cI don't get it.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: \u201cWhy do you need more than one gift?\u201d\r\n\r\nTed: I won\u2019t get it until Jesus takes me home; and then, I'm going to have some questions; but it makes her so happy.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:25):\r\n\r\nWe've heard it said\u2014how do they say that?\r\n\r\nDave (16:28):\r\n\r\n\u201cMeet emotion with emotion.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: That's it.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cAnd meet logic with logic.\u201d So if your spouse comes to you with an emotional issue, feel it; don\u2019t fix it. \r\n\r\nAnn: Empathize with her.\r\n\r\nTed: That\u2019s so good.\r\n\r\nDave (16:37):\r\n\r\nShe comes to you with a logical issue; it might be a time to say,\" Okay, let's talk.\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (16:42):\r\n\r\nI would say, if you're giving homework for people: \u201cSay, \u2018That's understandable,\u2019 about three or four times this week; and watch the look on their face.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (16:50):\r\n\r\n\u201cThat's understandable.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: That's good.\r\n\r\nTed: \"That's understandable,\u201d\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnn: Yeah, I love that.\r\n\r\nTed (16:54):\r\n\r\n\u2014and be sincere.\r\n\r\nDave (16:59):\r\n\r\nYou're listening to FamilyLife Today. I'm Dave Wilson. And before we continue our conversation, let me just say this: at FamilyLife, we really believe strong families can change the world. And when you become a FamilyLife Partner, you help make that happen.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:14):\r\n\r\nI don't know if you realize this, but your monthly gift helps us equip marriages and families with biblical tools that they can count on.\r\n\r\nDave (17:22):\r\n\r\nNow, that's a pretty good deal. We also want to send you exclusive updates; behind the scenes access; and an invitation to our \u201cPrivate Partner\u201d community, which is pretty cool. So join us, and let's reach families and marriages together.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:35):\r\n\r\nYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; and click the \u201cDonate\u201d button to join today. \r\n\r\nAnn: What's number four, guys?\r\n\r\nDave (17:45):\r\n\r\nNumber four: \u201cThe way to sabotage your marriage would be react. The way to save your marriage is pause and respond.\u201d Is that a good way to say it?\r\n\r\nTed (17:56):\r\n\r\nWell, this is one of the things\u2014I land on the research and I thought\u2014\u201cOh, this is why\u201d\u2014 me included\u2014\"people, who want to be great spouses, find themselves saying and doing again that thing they swore they'd never say and do again; or react in that way, that in their more logical moments, they'd go, \"I don't want to react that way.\" People can respond in a way; and they're so bewildered afterwards: \u201cI can't believe that I've done that again.\u201d \r\n\r\nThe research is really clear: when your spouse triggers you, it triggers the same part of your brain called the amygdala; that if you were to accidentally put your hand on a hot stove, you'd immediately jerk it away. If you were to step in the street for just a second, and you hear something come, you're going to jerk back. There's no thinking about it; it's reacting. At the same time, your frontal lobe is going a little bit out to lunch, which is where all your logic is. So it's great\u2014the amygdala is great; we better be glad we have it, because it does so many things\u2014when it comes to marriage, the amygdala is too efficient. You react\u2014and people react in different ways\u2014but you react, and you forget what you want for your marriage. \r\n\r\nSo if you're a reactor\u2014we've all heard: \u201cfight, flight or freeze\u201d\u2014if you're triggered, you step toward the tension. \r\n\r\nAnn (19:12):\r\n\r\nOh, this is me: \u201cYou want to go?!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (19:14):\r\n\r\nOh, and if you're married to somebody, you wants to go, they go, \"Hey, I need a minute,\" \u201cOh, no; we're taking care of this right now while I have no logic.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (19:21):\r\n\r\n\u201cDon't avoid this!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (19:22):\r\n\r\nYeah; \u201cYou're avoiding. We're going to air this out, and we're going to air it out now.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (19:26):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nTed (19:27):\r\n\r\nWhat I love about\u2014what I've always done is\u2014\u201cScripture and science are not in conflict with each other at all; they just illuminate each other, even the neuroscience coming up. So way long before I get geeked out on neuroscience, Scripture was very clear: \u201cOkay; so what do you do [when] your brain goes out to lunch, and you're reacting?\u201d \r\n\r\nJames 1:19 and 20: \u201cYou need to be quick to listen\u2014\r\n\r\nAll: \u2014\u201cslow to speak, and slow to\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014\u201canger.\u201d\r\n\r\nTed: \u2014to becoming\u201d\u2014look at that word, \u201cbecome angry\u201d\u2014for me, I'd say I had ADHD long for it was cool to have it. And we've been sharing stories about losing things; that's part of it. I think for us, impulse control is a thing of ADHD; and I'm not teasing about that. I know people tease about that. No, clinically diagnosed: \u201cYou are this, Ted; there\u2019s impulse.\u201d\r\n\r\n(20:17) I'm going, \u201cIf I can learn this\u201d\u2014and I'm not always perfect by any means\u2014\"anybody can.\u201d So if you can start getting into the rhythm of when you get triggered, just don't talk at first. Some people are listening, going, \"Oh, I don't talk; I don't talk for six weeks.\" I'm not talking about that passive\/aggressive; I'm talking about\u2014I shouldn't have called somebody passive\/aggressive\u2014that's not kind. Okay; I'm talking about that: I'll call you \u201ca stuffer,\u201d that you got files that you'll pull out later. \r\n\r\n(21:06) But I'm saying, for most of us, we need to take a deep breath. We need to pause, and we need to let our frontal lobe\u2014the logical part of our brain\u2014catch back up. The part of our brain: \r\n\r\nthat remembers what we want for our marriage; \r\n\r\nthat remembers that we don't want to react poorly; \r\n\r\nand most importantly, remembers who we are.\r\n\r\nRemember: \u201cThis person in front of us is a child of God,\u201d \r\n\r\nThat remembers: \u201cTake a breath and say, \u2018I want to respond versus react.\u2019\u201d I'd say the space between triggered and reactions is where relationships are built or broken. \r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, that's good. \r\n\r\nTed: It's right there, in that space, that we've got time. I think, for most of us, when we look back on those times, where we regret\u2014that turned into these nasty arguments\u2014it is because, in that triggered moment, we said something we should not have said. My wife told me one time: \u201cWhen you're angry, you find your words. When I'm angry, I lose them.\" That's a gift I wish I could return. But what I've learned is: \u201cIf I'll just pause, and I'll take a breath, and don't say anything with anything\u2014not with your body language, your face; 80 percent of communication is nonverbal, if not more\u2014so just to take a breath. Give it a second to remember how you want to be, and how you want to respond. Start to listen; be slow to speak; and don't become the angry spouse you don't want to become.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:07):\r\n\r\nThat's simple; and yet, hard. Something that we just need to start practicing. I need that one.\r\n\r\nDave (22:12):\r\n\r\nAlright; last one. \r\n\r\nTed (22:13):\r\n\r\nAlright.\r\n\r\nDave (22:14):\r\n\r\n\u201cLove first; that's how you build a marriage.\u201d You sabotage by\u2014\r\n\r\nTed (22:19):\r\n\r\nI think you sabotage by scanning the relationship for what's fair and whose turn it is. This is like: \u201cSubmit to one another out of reverence for Christ.\u201d Everybody goes straight to the love and respect verses, which are great\u2014back up a few verses\u2014\"Submit to one another,\u201d \u201cSubmit to...; in other words, \u201cI'm going to put your needs ahead of my own in this moment.\u201d In other words, \u201cI'm going to go first. I'm not going to try to figure out whose turn it is; I'm not going to try to determine what's fair; I'm just going to go ahead and love first.\u201d \r\n\r\nIt really makes sense, from a spiritual perspective, to say, \u201cWhat do we do with the ultimate act of submission?\u201d It's when Jesus looks at Abba, and says, \"If there's any other way\u2026but if not, not My will, but Your will.\" It was the ultimate act of submission that demands a response. When you're married, it's constant little reminders of: \u201cIf He can do that, then I can pick up my daughter when it's not my turn to pick up my daughter,\u201d \u201cIf He can do that, I can be kind when I don't feel like being kind,\u201d \u201cIf He can do that\u2026\u201d\u2014it's this thing of\u2014\"I'm going to submit; I'm just going to love first.\u201d\r\n\r\nPeople say, \"Oh, I'm afraid I'll get taken advantage of. \" You might! But let me ask you something: \u201cWhen somebody loves you that way, is your knee-jerk reaction to take advantage of them?\u201d or \u201cI'm going to see how I can leverage this to my benefit?\u201d Are you drawn to do the same? And there's no promises; I can't make promises your spouse is not going to keep, but I don't think that there's anything to draw your spouse closer to you than when you just go ahead and, \"I'm just going to go and do this. I'm just going to love first.\" \r\n\r\nI asked on social media: \u201cWhat's one way that your spouse loves you first?\u201d It, apparently, has a lot to do with coffee and dishwashers. I don't know what that is about; but it is about coffee and dishwashers for some reason.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:01):\r\n\r\nThese have been so good.\r\n\r\nDave (24:03):\r\n\r\nI can guarantee\u2014I'm making a guarantee\u2014\u201cYou do these five, you will build a marriage.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (24:10):\r\n\r\nTed Lowe has a book called Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage.\r\n\r\nDave (24:14):\r\n\r\nYou can find it by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nAnd also, we wanted to let you know about a free guide we want to give you. It's filled with helpful marriage wisdom from real-life couples, who've been where you are. You can grab your copy today at FamilyLife.com\/MarriageHelp.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:34):\r\n\r\nAgain, go to FamilyLife.com\/MarriageHelp for your free guide, full of marriage tips.\r\n\r\nDave (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nFifty years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1781106353;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg",1024,1024,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"On FamilyLife Today with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, Author Ted Lowe knows 5 bad habits that stealthily undercut the closeness you crave.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Get \"Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage\" by Ted Lowe wherever books are sold.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/content-offers\/familylifes-best-of-marriage\/\">FamilyLife.com\/marriagehelp<\/a> \u2014 free marriage resources<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at <a href=\"https:\/\/CSBible.com\">CSBible.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-02-09.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nStop Sabotaging Your Marriage\r\n\r\nGuest:Ted Lowe\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage (Day 1 of 1)\r\n\r\nAir date:February 9, 2026\r\n\r\nAnn (00:04):\r\n\r\nOkay, let me ask you something.\r\n\r\nDave (00:06):\r\n\r\nI'm a little scared; I don't know what you're going to ask.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:08):\r\n\r\nDo you feel like you've ever sabotaged our marriage?\r\n\r\nDave (00:12):\r\n\r\nOh, my goodness! My first thought is: \u201cI've sabotaged it countless times every year.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Really? \r\n\r\nDave: Oh, in things I've said or done. I mean, 42\u2014now, 43 years\u2014yeah, I think I've sabotaged in many ways. \r\n\r\nAnn: Don\u2019t you think every couple has?\r\n\r\nDave: I think you've sabotaged it more than I have. \r\n\r\nAnn: Probably!\r\n\r\nAnn (00:40):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:46):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nDave: I honestly think, \u201cMan, if I'd done better in year one,\u201d \u201c\u2026in year five,\u201d  and \u201c\u2026ten, we could be...\u201d But here's the thing: I also, when I say that out loud, feel like the grace of God has been so good. Here we are sitting\u2014and I look at you\u2014I love you more than I ever have.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:19):\r\n\r\nMe too. And the good news is we've learned, the hard way, in so many different ways, that we can maybe help other people not sabotage their marriage the way we have.\r\n\r\nDave (01:30):\r\n\r\nToday, we're going to talk about five ways to stop sabotaging your marriage. And we've got the guy to do it; Ted Lowe is back in the studio with us!\r\n\r\nAnn: We're so excited, Ted; you're here!\r\n\r\nTed (01:38):\r\n\r\nGuys, I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.\r\n\r\nDave (01:40):\r\n\r\nAnd you're over there, thinking, \u201cWhat in the world are we really going to talk about?!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (01:45):\r\n\r\nNo, I'm kind of loving watching you guys talk to each other like this. It's super refreshing. It's not like what I experience on a regular basis; well done!\r\n\r\nDave (01:52):\r\n\r\nHow many years you've been doing marriage ministry?\r\n\r\nTed (01:55):\r\n\r\nSince 2001.\r\n\r\nDave (01:57):\r\n\r\nSo you are the guy to tell us how to stop sabotaging our marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:01):\r\n\r\nAnd we've interviewed you before on your book called Us in Mind\u2014so maybe, you've [listener] heard some of this\u2014I think these are going to be really good.\r\n\r\nDave (02:10):\r\n\r\nOne of the things you mentioned, in Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage, is five intentional thoughts. I'm guessing you would say, and I agree, that these will\u2014if you do these, you'll [want to] stop doing these\u2014because the first one: \u201cRemember who I am,\u201d \u2014I think we often do the opposite; we don't know who we are\u2014and that destroys a marriage. How does that destroy marriage?\r\n\r\nTed (02:33):\r\n\r\nLike we talked about the last time I was with you guys, our thoughts\u2014they're not our actions and our attitudes; I know I sound repetitive\u2014our thoughts are not our actions or attitudes, but they lead to both. What I've found, after doing this for a really long time\u2014and didn't even really do the math on it until a couple years ago\u2014is most of us aren't thinking about what we're thinking about. We just trust our thoughts as if they're going to always lead us in the right direction: as if they're always true, and as if they're always helpful, and as if they're always kind. The book kind of revolves around that; it revolves around, \u201cOkay, how do we become more intentional with our thoughts? How do we boss our thoughts instead of our thoughts bossing us?\u201d\r\n\r\n(03:16) The first one was: \u201cTo remember who I am.\u201d I think one of the things that's been the most powerful for me, personally, and ultimately for my marriage, is remembering Whose I am. I think we can complicate Jesus and God in so many ways. But just go back, constantly, that we are His child, that we are His. I feel like there's been a few times I feel like God has whispered things to me\u2014not audibly, but just on my heart\u2014says, \"You'll become a man in your world as you become a child of Mine.\"\r\n\r\n(03:44) Kids are always looking for approval, looking for worth, looking for value; but I feel like, when I remember who I am, I'm already a man here. But just, when you're His child, then you lean back; and you trust Him to be Him and you to be you. He's way bigger than us; and that's really, really good news. He adores us\u2014we listen to critical thoughts more than Him\u2014and I think it breaks His heart. The thought I've had before, too: it'd be like our kids coming home and telling us what a bully had said to them all day; and then, looking at us and going, \"Hey, all the things you've told me my whole life, I believe the bully more than you. \" That would break our hearts. I know it's got to break the heart of God, when He said, \"Oh, why don't they listen to how much I love them?\" Just the simplicity of that is\u2014somebody going, \"Oh, I am so loved; I can breathe.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (04:35):\r\n\r\nThere was a girl that I worked with, who came to my house. She had tried to commit suicide three times. It was after her freshman year of college\u2014where she had an injury; and she couldn't play soccer anymore\u2014she couldn't perform at the level that she once performed. She sat down on my couch, and I asked her, \"Who are you? \" And she said, \"I'm a soccer player.\" I said, \"That's what you do, but who are you?\" She said, \"I have no idea. If I can't do that anymore, I don't know who I am.\u201d I shared the gospel, because that's what gives us our worth of what Jesus did for us. She ended up, a few weeks later, gave her life to Jesus. Here's what we think when we do that: \u201cNow, I'm free! I can live in this.\u201d But for years, she had been believing the \u201cFred in her head\u201d [lies in our head]. \r\n\r\n(05:41) It takes practice. What I saw [when] I went to this conference with her: she's amazing; she's beautiful; she's smart; she's funny; she adds so much to every group she's with. But as we're in this group, all of a sudden, she's with us in physical form; but her mind is gone. I remember pulling her aside, and I said, \"Where are you?\" She said, \"I don't belong here. I'm not good enough to be with these people. They don't understand who I am and what I've done,\"\u2014and that's what you're saying. \r\n\r\nI felt\u2014I remember lifting her head\u2014and I said, \"Jesus knows who you are; He knows that you're here. He loves you. This is who you are: a daughter of the King! The Holy Spirit lives\u2014the God who created the universe\u2014lives in you. We need the fullness of who you are; I need the fullness of who you are.\" \r\n\r\nI love\u2014that's what you're saying, Ted\u2014\"If we don't know that, we become lost in ourselves.\u201d\r\n\r\n[Guitar music playing.]\r\n\r\nTed (06:30):\r\n\r\nI didn't know this show had music! \r\n\r\nDave: It just comes in out of nowhere.\r\n\r\nAnn (06:35):\r\n\r\nIt's kind of amazing; isn't it?\r\n\r\nTed (06:37):\r\n\r\nI'm not really sure what's happening, but I'm sort of loving it. \r\n\r\nAnn: It's exciting; isn't it?! \r\n\r\nTed: It is! Are you guys bringing in puppies next? I don't think I could be any happier than I am in this moment.\r\n\r\nDave (06:51):\r\n\r\nEverything's better with music behind it; right? \r\n\r\nAnn: It is!\r\n\r\nDave: This is a chorus we've all probably heard, that came out years ago. At church, I'd play bass; I didn't usually sing. But when the singer would sing this lyric, I thought\u2014I would tear up\u2014because it's our identity; it's what you're saying; you know what it is. [Singing] \u201cI'm no longer a slave to fear;\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave and Ann: \u2014\"I am a child of God.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (07:19):\r\n\r\nIt's a simple phrase; and yet\u2014I don't know if you remember the bridge\u2014\"I am surrounded\u201d\u2014look at that\u2014\u201cby the arms of the Father; I am surrounded by songs of deliverance.\u201d You could go on; it\u2019s just\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014songs of deliverance. \r\n\r\nDave: The reason I would tear up is something in my soul was saying, \"That's who I am; that's who we are.\u201d And that, when you bring into a marriage, you're right\u2014that's not going to sabotage a marriage\u2014it\u2019s going to build.\r\n\r\nTed (08:00):\r\n\r\nWell, that song is based off the verse [my] chapter is based off of [Romans 8:15].\r\n\r\nAnn: Really?\r\n\r\n(08:04):\r\n\r\nTed: \u201cThe Spirit I gave you is not that of a slave who lives in fear.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: That's good. \r\n\r\nTed: How great is that? The Spirit\u2014capital S\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the Spirit.\r\n\r\nTed: \u2014has brought about your adoption into sonship. And so He is saying, \u201cYou're safe; you're adopted. I'm doing all the dad stuff.\" I remember I'd say to our kids, when they were little, \"That's a big-people problem; you don't have to worry about that. You go be a kid. That's a big-people problem; I got this.\u201d Especially, our daughter\u2014she was anxious\u2014\"No, no\u2026\" I think sometimes [God says], \"No, no, no, Ted; this is a God-problem; this is not for you. You just go\u2014you feel loved\u2014and live loved.\" \r\n\r\nAnn (08:36):\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDave (08:37):\r\n\r\nYeah, that's good stuff. So that's just one!\r\n\r\nAnn (08:39):\r\n\r\nThat's a good one because, when we remember who we are, we bring the best of ourselves to the table, with our kids and our marriage.\r\n\r\nDave (08:46):\r\n\r\nNumber two: \u201cIf you want to sabotage your marriage or your family, see the worst.\u201d You say, \u201cSee the best!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (08:53):\r\n\r\nYeah, it's something that happy couples do. I don't know if they do it, because they learned it; I don't know if it's because their brains are naturally wired that way, but they see the best in their spouse. I do believe that we can all learn it and start to see it. Philippians 4:8 gives us a really great filter of thinking: \u201cWhatever Is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is right, whatever is lovely; if anything is praiseworthy,\u201d\u2014anything\u2014some people: we got to start there: \u201cIs there anything?\u201d Because people will say to me, \"There's nothing!\"\r\n\r\nAnn (09:20):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah; that's what I hear, too.\r\n\r\nTed (09:21):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah; especially, when they're fired up about it: \u201cNo, no; that does not work. That works for everybody on the planet, but me.\u201d I get it. But again, the verse starts with \u201ctrue\u201d; you can deal with some really hard things when it's true. And then, you know what you're dealing with; because you're starting with truth and not denial: \u201cOkay; what is true about our situation? What's true about them?\u201d \r\n\r\nSee the best; what I'll say to couples: \u201cLet what you love about your spouse block the view of what you don't; start there. If you want to come back to those things, great. But what do you love about them? Because you loved something about them, at some point.\u201d \r\n\r\n(09:49) You watch a couple: they're really frustrated, sitting across from me. When I can't get anywhere with them, I'll say, \"So wow, you guys; boy, this is tough. How'd you get together?\" Their body language will change when they start focusing. They did see the best in each other, and the way they treated each other was so great. We get so\u2014life is hard\u2014it gets going fast, and we stop seeing the things. We start going; and we're just thinking our spouse becomes a hindrance, [getting] in the way of getting the things we got to get done, done.\r\n\r\nAnn (10:31):\r\n\r\nAnd we start comparing our life compared to their life, thinking that we are doing so much more.\r\n\r\nTed (10:38):\r\n\r\n\u2014100 percent. The number-one time couples are fighting is when they reconnect at the end of the day. I think part of that is they come in, and they compare:\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (10:45):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nTed (10:45):\r\n\r\n\u2014\"Oh, my day\u2026\u201d \u201cOh, my day\u2026\u201d \u201cOh, you think your day was tough?!\" \r\n\r\nI worked for an organization for a while. I would actually go in and speak a couple of times a year\u2014organization that worked with couples, who had children that were on the autism spectrum\u2014they would come in. I would watch; and I would see some of them\u2014all the things they were dealing with actually drew them together\u2014and others, it had totally pushed them apart. I think the divorce rate is pretty staggering. \r\n\r\nI'd done this retreat about ten times. I'm driving home, and I'm like, \"What is the difference between these two couples?\u201d \r\n\r\nWhat is the difference when it's pulling them together, where they're all sitting on like this sectional couch; and then, they couldn't even get close enough to each other. \r\n\r\nAnd the other one's like, they wanted to sit in the other room. \r\n\r\nIt hit me: \u201cIt's really a mindset of when they're reentering the home; because they would fight, and they had pretty similar things\/struggles. It would be like, \"Hey, I'm going to honor everything you've done today. You've been home\u2014you've been with our kid all day\u2014you've been researching all the treatments; you've been researching all the therapies. I'm going to honor that.\" The other one: \"Hey, I'm going to honor the fact that you are out, trying to make the finances to make that happen,\u201d\u2014because insurance is not great in this regard. It was like: \"I'm going to honor what you're doing instead of compare. [We\u2019re] going to carry each other's burdens.\" \r\n\r\nThere was this one lady: it was such a great example of this. She said that, when her two kids, who were both on the spectrum, she would be home; and their days were really, really tough. She said she would hear the garage door go open, and the kids would. Dad would come in, and they would race to dad and wrestle with dad. She's like, \"I couldn't get a hug out of them. Here, he's been gone all day; and they went to wrestle with him.\" And she said, \"It made me so angry.\" She goes, \"I was mad at all three of them!\" \r\n\r\n(12:19) And then, she said\u2014one day, she said\u2014\"You know what? I'm going to join in.\u201d She said she just ran and just dove on top of them. She became a part of it, but it was just a mindset shift. It was something that was hurting her, and it's totally understandable. Of course, that would break your heart\u2014of course, it would; of course, it's not logical; it doesn't make any sense\u2014but she changed her mind-set. That was the difference; it was a mindset shift to see the best in them. \r\n\r\nBecause, usually, when we'll pull back\u2014especially, if somebody's listening right now\u2014hopefully, they're not in the middle of a fight; so their brains are kind of cool and calm. You can go, \"Okay, let me just consider that for a minute: \u2018What do I love about them?\u2019\"\r\n\r\nAnn (13:03):\r\n\r\nYeah, put in your phone! I'd put it in the notes; and then, even send it to him, like, \"Hey, thanks for these things\u2026\"\r\n\r\nDave (13:10):\r\n\r\nYeah, why don't you do that? That would be great.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:10):\r\n\r\nI'm going to; I\u2019m going to do it tomorrow!\r\n\r\nTed (13:13):\r\n\r\nTomorrow's always a good new day.\r\n\r\nDave (13:15):\r\n\r\nAnd the truth is\u2014like you said\u2014it's intentional; because if you don't do it intentionally, you'll default to the negative: you'll see the worst! \r\n\r\nWhen Ann and I were dating, and engaged, she could list all my great qualities: \u201cHe's this, this, this.\u201d Six months later, she yells at me, \u201cMarrying you was the biggest mistake in my life!\u201d She said that.\r\n\r\nAnn (13:35):\r\n\r\n\u201cThere's not one thing I even like about it.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (13:38):\r\n\r\nYeah, she saw that\u2014all the negative\u2014and it was all there. \r\n\r\nTo flip that\u2014because I think we default to negative\u2014we drive by a car wreck; we all want to watch it rather than\u2014it's the same thing in our marriages. We want to see the worst rather than seeing what you just said: \u201cNo, I want to default to\u2014I want to see the positive; it's there\u2014but I have to choose it.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (13:58):\r\n\r\nOkay; we need to move, because we've got three more to go.\r\n\r\nDave (14:02):\r\n\r\nNumber three: \u201cIntentional thought to build your marriage is choose empathy.\u201d I guess, to sabotage it, is stop choosing what?\u2014negativity? \r\n\r\nTed (14:11):\r\n\r\nI think it's when you\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (14:12):\r\n\r\n\u2014anger?\r\n\r\nTed (14:13):\r\n\r\n\u2014try to\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014fix this.\r\n\r\nTed (14:13):\r\n\r\n\u2014fix them.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:14):\r\n\r\nYeah. \r\n\r\nTed (14:15):\r\n\r\nA lot of times, we try to fix our spouse's emotions; because we don't like their emotions. Or they\u2019re inconvenient; they're going: \"Oh, here we go again.\" Or we don't like that; it just doesn't make any sense to us. Or we see when someone's emotional, they're\u2014not usually, but can be\u2014talking irrationally or illogical, maximizing statements about things; and we want to fix that. \r\n\r\nBoth men and women do it. Guys are more classic about: \u201cLet me just fix this.\u201d My wife told me one time, after a series of this not going well and me not being empathetic, she goes, \"I don't want you to fix this; I want you to feel this.\" It's so much easier just to feel it\u2014just to sit there, and to look with a genuine look on my face that mimics, not mocks, that look on her; and just, \"I'm so sorry this is hard.\u201d And she's the same way\u2014says things like\u2014\"That's understandable. If I were you, I\u2019d feel the same way.\" Or just, \"Ah, I'm so sorry; that sounds terrible,\u201d \u201cThat sounds so tough; I'm so sorry!\" \r\n\r\n(15:12) She used to go away with her girlfriends\u2014or she still does once a year\u2014the four of them will go on a trip, the same ladies; and they've done it for years. She comes back; and she'll talk about they share \u201cx,\u201d \u201cy,\u201d and \u201cz.\u201d I go, \"Well, what did they say about it? \" \"Nothing.\" I'm like, \"Why don't you talk about it?!\" For years, I didn't get it: \u201cOh, she loves that trip because they're so empathetic; and they don't try to fix each other.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo yeah\u2014don't try to fix it\u2014and that's for men and women. And that's the good stuff: don't try to fix that they love something that you don't. If your spouse\u2014I'll see this [during] the holidays\u2014you got one that loves to decorate and get everything. Oh, I can tell, immediately,\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (15:48):\r\n\r\n\u2014and buy presents.\r\n\r\nTed (15:49):\r\n\r\n\u2014presents. \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014too many presents. \r\n\r\nTed: \u2014too many presents.\r\n\r\nDave (15:53):\r\n\r\nDoesn't stay within budget.\r\n\r\nTed (15:56):\r\n\r\nAnd then, you got the grit.\r\n\r\nDave (15:57):\r\n\r\nAm I supposed to\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: Is there a budget?\r\n\r\nDave (15:58):\r\n\r\nAm I supposed to feel that?\u2014or fix that?\r\n\r\nTed (16:02):\r\n\r\nWell, I don't know. I'm not going to go that deep with it, but it is the thing of there is typically one who loves all that; and the other one's like, \"Are you kidding me, again? Why?\u2014why do we need multiple trees?\u201d Our house has multiple trees.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:17):\r\n\r\nYou have to!\r\n\r\nTed (16:19):\r\n\r\n\u201cI don't get it.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: \u201cWhy do you need more than one gift?\u201d\r\n\r\nTed: I won\u2019t get it until Jesus takes me home; and then, I'm going to have some questions; but it makes her so happy.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:25):\r\n\r\nWe've heard it said\u2014how do they say that?\r\n\r\nDave (16:28):\r\n\r\n\u201cMeet emotion with emotion.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: That's it.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cAnd meet logic with logic.\u201d So if your spouse comes to you with an emotional issue, feel it; don\u2019t fix it. \r\n\r\nAnn: Empathize with her.\r\n\r\nTed: That\u2019s so good.\r\n\r\nDave (16:37):\r\n\r\nShe comes to you with a logical issue; it might be a time to say,\" Okay, let's talk.\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (16:42):\r\n\r\nI would say, if you're giving homework for people: \u201cSay, \u2018That's understandable,\u2019 about three or four times this week; and watch the look on their face.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (16:50):\r\n\r\n\u201cThat's understandable.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: That's good.\r\n\r\nTed: \"That's understandable,\u201d\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnn: Yeah, I love that.\r\n\r\nTed (16:54):\r\n\r\n\u2014and be sincere.\r\n\r\nDave (16:59):\r\n\r\nYou're listening to FamilyLife Today. I'm Dave Wilson. And before we continue our conversation, let me just say this: at FamilyLife, we really believe strong families can change the world. And when you become a FamilyLife Partner, you help make that happen.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:14):\r\n\r\nI don't know if you realize this, but your monthly gift helps us equip marriages and families with biblical tools that they can count on.\r\n\r\nDave (17:22):\r\n\r\nNow, that's a pretty good deal. We also want to send you exclusive updates; behind the scenes access; and an invitation to our \u201cPrivate Partner\u201d community, which is pretty cool. So join us, and let's reach families and marriages together.\r\n\r\nAnn (17:35):\r\n\r\nYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; and click the \u201cDonate\u201d button to join today. \r\n\r\nAnn: What's number four, guys?\r\n\r\nDave (17:45):\r\n\r\nNumber four: \u201cThe way to sabotage your marriage would be react. The way to save your marriage is pause and respond.\u201d Is that a good way to say it?\r\n\r\nTed (17:56):\r\n\r\nWell, this is one of the things\u2014I land on the research and I thought\u2014\u201cOh, this is why\u201d\u2014 me included\u2014\"people, who want to be great spouses, find themselves saying and doing again that thing they swore they'd never say and do again; or react in that way, that in their more logical moments, they'd go, \"I don't want to react that way.\" People can respond in a way; and they're so bewildered afterwards: \u201cI can't believe that I've done that again.\u201d \r\n\r\nThe research is really clear: when your spouse triggers you, it triggers the same part of your brain called the amygdala; that if you were to accidentally put your hand on a hot stove, you'd immediately jerk it away. If you were to step in the street for just a second, and you hear something come, you're going to jerk back. There's no thinking about it; it's reacting. At the same time, your frontal lobe is going a little bit out to lunch, which is where all your logic is. So it's great\u2014the amygdala is great; we better be glad we have it, because it does so many things\u2014when it comes to marriage, the amygdala is too efficient. You react\u2014and people react in different ways\u2014but you react, and you forget what you want for your marriage. \r\n\r\nSo if you're a reactor\u2014we've all heard: \u201cfight, flight or freeze\u201d\u2014if you're triggered, you step toward the tension. \r\n\r\nAnn (19:12):\r\n\r\nOh, this is me: \u201cYou want to go?!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (19:14):\r\n\r\nOh, and if you're married to somebody, you wants to go, they go, \"Hey, I need a minute,\" \u201cOh, no; we're taking care of this right now while I have no logic.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (19:21):\r\n\r\n\u201cDon't avoid this!\u201d\r\n\r\nTed (19:22):\r\n\r\nYeah; \u201cYou're avoiding. We're going to air this out, and we're going to air it out now.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (19:26):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nTed (19:27):\r\n\r\nWhat I love about\u2014what I've always done is\u2014\u201cScripture and science are not in conflict with each other at all; they just illuminate each other, even the neuroscience coming up. So way long before I get geeked out on neuroscience, Scripture was very clear: \u201cOkay; so what do you do [when] your brain goes out to lunch, and you're reacting?\u201d \r\n\r\nJames 1:19 and 20: \u201cYou need to be quick to listen\u2014\r\n\r\nAll: \u2014\u201cslow to speak, and slow to\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014\u201canger.\u201d\r\n\r\nTed: \u2014to becoming\u201d\u2014look at that word, \u201cbecome angry\u201d\u2014for me, I'd say I had ADHD long for it was cool to have it. And we've been sharing stories about losing things; that's part of it. I think for us, impulse control is a thing of ADHD; and I'm not teasing about that. I know people tease about that. No, clinically diagnosed: \u201cYou are this, Ted; there\u2019s impulse.\u201d\r\n\r\n(20:17) I'm going, \u201cIf I can learn this\u201d\u2014and I'm not always perfect by any means\u2014\"anybody can.\u201d So if you can start getting into the rhythm of when you get triggered, just don't talk at first. Some people are listening, going, \"Oh, I don't talk; I don't talk for six weeks.\" I'm not talking about that passive\/aggressive; I'm talking about\u2014I shouldn't have called somebody passive\/aggressive\u2014that's not kind. Okay; I'm talking about that: I'll call you \u201ca stuffer,\u201d that you got files that you'll pull out later. \r\n\r\n(21:06) But I'm saying, for most of us, we need to take a deep breath. We need to pause, and we need to let our frontal lobe\u2014the logical part of our brain\u2014catch back up. The part of our brain: \r\n\r\nthat remembers what we want for our marriage; \r\n\r\nthat remembers that we don't want to react poorly; \r\n\r\nand most importantly, remembers who we are.\r\n\r\nRemember: \u201cThis person in front of us is a child of God,\u201d \r\n\r\nThat remembers: \u201cTake a breath and say, \u2018I want to respond versus react.\u2019\u201d I'd say the space between triggered and reactions is where relationships are built or broken. \r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, that's good. \r\n\r\nTed: It's right there, in that space, that we've got time. I think, for most of us, when we look back on those times, where we regret\u2014that turned into these nasty arguments\u2014it is because, in that triggered moment, we said something we should not have said. My wife told me one time: \u201cWhen you're angry, you find your words. When I'm angry, I lose them.\" That's a gift I wish I could return. But what I've learned is: \u201cIf I'll just pause, and I'll take a breath, and don't say anything with anything\u2014not with your body language, your face; 80 percent of communication is nonverbal, if not more\u2014so just to take a breath. Give it a second to remember how you want to be, and how you want to respond. Start to listen; be slow to speak; and don't become the angry spouse you don't want to become.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:07):\r\n\r\nThat's simple; and yet, hard. Something that we just need to start practicing. I need that one.\r\n\r\nDave (22:12):\r\n\r\nAlright; last one. \r\n\r\nTed (22:13):\r\n\r\nAlright.\r\n\r\nDave (22:14):\r\n\r\n\u201cLove first; that's how you build a marriage.\u201d You sabotage by\u2014\r\n\r\nTed (22:19):\r\n\r\nI think you sabotage by scanning the relationship for what's fair and whose turn it is. This is like: \u201cSubmit to one another out of reverence for Christ.\u201d Everybody goes straight to the love and respect verses, which are great\u2014back up a few verses\u2014\"Submit to one another,\u201d \u201cSubmit to...; in other words, \u201cI'm going to put your needs ahead of my own in this moment.\u201d In other words, \u201cI'm going to go first. I'm not going to try to figure out whose turn it is; I'm not going to try to determine what's fair; I'm just going to go ahead and love first.\u201d \r\n\r\nIt really makes sense, from a spiritual perspective, to say, \u201cWhat do we do with the ultimate act of submission?\u201d It's when Jesus looks at Abba, and says, \"If there's any other way\u2026but if not, not My will, but Your will.\" It was the ultimate act of submission that demands a response. When you're married, it's constant little reminders of: \u201cIf He can do that, then I can pick up my daughter when it's not my turn to pick up my daughter,\u201d \u201cIf He can do that, I can be kind when I don't feel like being kind,\u201d \u201cIf He can do that\u2026\u201d\u2014it's this thing of\u2014\"I'm going to submit; I'm just going to love first.\u201d\r\n\r\nPeople say, \"Oh, I'm afraid I'll get taken advantage of. \" You might! But let me ask you something: \u201cWhen somebody loves you that way, is your knee-jerk reaction to take advantage of them?\u201d or \u201cI'm going to see how I can leverage this to my benefit?\u201d Are you drawn to do the same? And there's no promises; I can't make promises your spouse is not going to keep, but I don't think that there's anything to draw your spouse closer to you than when you just go ahead and, \"I'm just going to go and do this. I'm just going to love first.\" \r\n\r\nI asked on social media: \u201cWhat's one way that your spouse loves you first?\u201d It, apparently, has a lot to do with coffee and dishwashers. I don't know what that is about; but it is about coffee and dishwashers for some reason.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:01):\r\n\r\nThese have been so good.\r\n\r\nDave (24:03):\r\n\r\nI can guarantee\u2014I'm making a guarantee\u2014\u201cYou do these five, you will build a marriage.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (24:10):\r\n\r\nTed Lowe has a book called Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage.\r\n\r\nDave (24:14):\r\n\r\nYou can find it by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nAnd also, we wanted to let you know about a free guide we want to give you. It's filled with helpful marriage wisdom from real-life couples, who've been where you are. You can grab your copy today at FamilyLife.com\/MarriageHelp.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:34):\r\n\r\nAgain, go to FamilyLife.com\/MarriageHelp for your free guide, full of marriage tips.\r\n\r\nDave (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nFifty years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/317765","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317765"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317765"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317765"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317765"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=317765"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=317765"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=317765"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}