{"id":317757,"date":"2026-02-04T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-04T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski\/"},"modified":"2026-02-05T02:53:41","modified_gmt":"2026-02-05T07:53:41","slug":"youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski\/","title":{"rendered":"Youth Sports Burnout: Escape Fear-Parenting &#038; the Scholarship Trap &#8211; Brian Smith &#038; Ed Uszynski"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Tired of pouring thousands into travel teams, private coaches, and endless weekends\u2014only to watch your child&#8217;s joy disappear? Research shows the more money and pressure parents invest, the less kids actually enjoy sports. Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski, authors of Away Game: A Christian Parent&#8217;s Guide to Navigating Youth Sports, expose the $50B+ industrial complex fueling fear and youth sports burnout. Discover how to break free, reclaim fun, and turn games into real character-building moments\u2014without chasing scholarships or status.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On FamilyLife Today, Dave and Ann Wilson host Brian Smith &#038; Ed Uszynski, authors of Away Game: A Christian Parent&#8217;s Guide to Navigating Youth Sports. They expose the $50B+ youth sports machine driving fear and burnout\u2014and show how to reclaim fun, build character, and ditch the scholarship chase.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/15a838d9-6818-44cc-89dd-b3db011b5823\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11395],"cwp_profile":[11396,3547],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-317757","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","podcast_series-youth-sports-pressure-brian-smith-ed-uszynski","cwp_profile-brian-smith","cwp_profile-ed-uszynski","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/317757\/youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/317757\/youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"tqeHHGyhZS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski\/\">Youth Sports Burnout: Escape Fear-Parenting &#038; the Scholarship Trap &#8211; Brian Smith &#038; Ed Uszynski<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/youth-sports-burnout-escape-fear-parenting-the-scholarship-trap-brian-smith-ed-uszynski\/embed\/#?secret=tqeHHGyhZS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Youth Sports Burnout: Escape Fear-Parenting &#038; the Scholarship Trap &#8211; Brian Smith &#038; Ed Uszynski&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"tqeHHGyhZS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["15a838d9-6818-44cc-89dd-b3db011b5823"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/15a838d9-6818-44cc-89dd-b3db011b5823\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:24:55"],"filesize":["22.85M"],"_thumbnail_id":["295627"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Helpful tools and encouragement for parents available at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/content-offers\/best-of-parenting\/\">FamilyLife.com\/parentinghelp<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\"Away Game\" by Ed Uszynski and Brian Smith \u2014 a thoughtful look at youth sports, identity, and what really matters for families is available at your favorite bookstore.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-02-04.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nYouth Sports Burnout: Escape Fear-Parenting and the Scholarship Trap\r\n\r\nGuests:Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Youth Sports Pressure (Day 1 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:February 4, 2026\r\n\r\nBrian (00:04):\r\n\r\nResearch is clear\u2014this isn't just a hunch or a hot take\u2014research is showing that the more money we spend on our kids in youth sports, the less they actually enjoy it. Let that sink in for a second. The more money we spend on our kids, the data is saying the less fun our kids are actually having.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:30):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:37):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nDave: Ed Uszynski; Brian Smith in the studio.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:53):\r\n\r\nAre you happy they\u2019re here?\r\n\r\nDave (00:54):\r\n\r\nYeah, we're glad you guys are here. We're going to talk about Away Game, a book you wrote about youth sports. I endorsed your book. I think I might have even said this in the endorsement; I don't remember. \u201cI started your book; I couldn't put it down! I read the whole thing, because it was so\u201d\u2014I think\u2014\"needed for parents, especially of kids in youth sports.\u201d \r\n\r\nHere's the thing\u2014I'm not going to tell people how old we are, but we're old\u2014you guys are in your 40s; maybe?\r\n\r\nEd (01:23):\r\n\r\nFifty-seven, dude.\r\n\r\nDave (01:24):\r\n\r\nThere you go!\r\n\r\nEd: We\u2019re old.\r\n\r\nAnn: Brian\u2014 \r\n\r\nBrian (01:26):\r\n\r\n\u201443.\r\n\r\nDave (01:27):\r\n\r\nBut here's the thing\u2014we bring up the topic of youth sports and memories\u2014and right away, we all have strong memories. I bet we could\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (01:35):\r\n\r\nIt's the power and pressure that sports brings.\r\n\r\nDave (01:37):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:38):\r\n\r\nIf you're in it, you felt it. But now, as parents, I think it's a hard one to navigate; because it's all consuming now\u2014 \r\n\r\nEd (01:47):\r\n\r\nFor sure.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:47):\r\n\r\n\u2014different, probably, than all of us growing up; it's even more so.\r\n\r\nDave (01:50):\r\n\r\nYeah. One of the things I was amazed, when I picked up your book, was you did a history of how we got to where we are. We're talking about youth sports in a day when, most of the time, we played in the backyard.\r\n\r\nBrian (02:01):\r\n\r\nYeah; sandlot games.\r\n\r\nDave (02:02):\r\n\r\nYeah. And then, we had a game, here and there. Now\u2014we have grandkids; I've been there on these fields\u2014and it's pressure; it's four or five games a week and practice. \r\n\r\nAnd by the way, this conversation isn't just about parents and youth sports. \r\n\r\nAnn (02:17):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah; because kids can feel the pressure from us in their academics. \r\n\r\nDave (02:24):\r\n\r\nOh, big time: grades, theater, musicals\u2014anything\u2014it's not just youth sports. And we are consumed, as parents: we want our kids to excel, and they feel that.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:32):\r\n\r\nThey feel it.\r\n\r\nDave (02:32):\r\n\r\nSo this is a conversation\u2014whether you have a kid in sports, or in music, or in school\u2014this applies to all of us.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:39):\r\n\r\nYou guys know this; take us there. \r\n\r\nDave: Take us to how we got here.\r\n\r\nEd (02:42):\r\n\r\nLook, the book does not read as a lecture; it reads more like a confessional.\r\n\r\nBrian (02:46):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nEd (02:47):\r\n\r\nBecause Brian and I looked up at each other, a decade ago. We were already working together in sports ministry with college athletes, but we were both coaching. We both had kids who were entering the youth sport world. We started having these conversations, where it's like: \u201cWe don't know what we're doing,\u201d and \u201cWe're completely overwhelmed.\u201d You're on this fast-moving train, that you just had to jump on with your eight-year-old. You're not exactly sure where it's going, but it doesn't feel like it's to a good place; but we're going.\r\n\r\n(03:16) We said, as Christians even: \u201cHow do we think and operate like Christians in this space?\u201d We weren't trying to pull ourselves completely out of it. We didn't want to be completely swept up in it; but then, what? There's not a ton of teaching about how you do that well as a Christian. \r\n\r\nWe just started to talk about it with each other and started to do our own research, started to gather our own stories, made plenty of our own mistakes, and said, \u201cLet's start the conversation in the Christian space; or at least, add to the little that's there, to say, \u2018Here's a different way, forward. Let's be countercultural in the sports\/the youth\u2014what we're calling the \u2018youth sports industrial complex\u2019\u2014let's find a way to, just like in every other aspect of Christian life, trying to live in a secular society, let's be different. What would that look like?\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian (04:06):\r\n\r\nYeah. We say, from the start, we love sports; we're sports guys. And so when we come at this conversation, it's not like we're saying we need to completely eject from the process or there's\u2014we don't want to go all bad on sport\u2014we really do love all of the beautiful moments that sports bring. \r\n\r\nWhat we're trying to help ourselves\u2014but also, parents realize\u2014there's really two things. One, we want a growing awareness of just what the youth sport industrial complex is; so we can have common language for it, categories we can recognize when we see it. We can understand what it's trying to do to us\u2014how it's shaping and forming us and our kids\u2014but we don't want to just complain about it, and bemoan the truth of what it is today; we want to act, Christianly, in the space.\r\n\r\n(04:46) We start by: \u201cLet's have language and categories to understand it; but then, let's learn how to use youth sports as a vehicle to actually disciple our kids.\u201d That's a large part of what the book's about, too: \u201cHow do you take the moments that are happening on the field, the court, the pool, and turn those into discipleship opportunities?\u201d Because whether you're paying $100 or $1,000, it becomes a pretty worthwhile investment if your kid's actually learning how to be more patient, and learning how to love, and learning things like self-control. If all we're doing is throwing all this money into a system, and hoping that they become a college athlete, that's not a good investment.\r\n\r\nEd (05:23):\r\n\r\nWe keep throwing the biblical character, Daniel, around. We really want to walk in his footsteps and do what he and his friends did. Obviously, they weren't doing anything with youth sports; but they were in an intensely secular culture in Babylon that was completely anti- their God, and they had to make a choice: \u201cWere they going to completely separate from it and create a holy huddle over here on the side, where they completely distance themselves from it?\u201d On the other extreme: \u201cAre they just going to say, \u2018Hey, God doesn't seem to be active right now; let's just go with the flow. When in Rome do his Romans do, right? We're just going to get swept up in it.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nNo, they stayed right in the middle of it, and showed what it looks like to be obediently involved. They walked with God in the midst of it, and locked arms with each other; they didn't try to do it as individuals. We think there's something to that, too: you lock arms with a handful of other people, who are saying, \u201cOn our watch, in our little corner of the bleachers, let's do this different.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (06:20):\r\n\r\nIs that what Away Game means?\u2014your title.\r\n\r\nBrian (06:23):\r\n\r\nLargely, it came from the biblical character, Daniel; but also, this idea of, when you're playing a home game, there's just some comfort, familiarity. When you go to an away game, you have to be on your game\u2014you don't know where the bathrooms are\u2014I experienced this this year. Any football game you go to, the away section is always like the sun is just shining bright in your face; and you're like\u2014we actually sat with the home side when we're at away games\u2014because it's so miserable. \r\n\r\nWe think a large part of the problem is we, especially as Christian parents, we go into the youth sport experience expecting it to be like a home game feel, and expecting to have some semblance of control. And then, the ref makes a bad call, or the coach doesn't give our kid playing time, or our coach messes up, and we learn really quickly: \u201cWe actually don't have any control over the process.\u201d So the whole thing is like this away game; just expect it to be a little chaotic and out of control.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:14):\r\n\r\nYou guys both have kids\u2014 \r\n\r\nEd (07:15):\r\n\r\nFour.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:16):\r\n\r\n\u2014four kids.\r\n\r\nEd (07:16):\r\n\r\nI have four; Brian has three.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:18):\r\n\r\nThree kids. \r\n\r\nI'm assuming they're in sports, and were in sports, or are in sports. What was that experience like for you? Did you feel that pull? You said that a little bit. What did that look like for you guys and your family, and what did the conversations sound like? \r\n\r\nI remember getting into this. I think our son was four; he didn't know anything. He's on the soccer field, our first son. This mom goes, \"Did you sign up for this?\u2014the travel league?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d She goes, \"Oh, you better. Because if you don't do it, he's never going to be able to go to the next level.\" I remember saying to Dave, \"Do we want him to go?\" You feel this pressure, so take us there.\r\n\r\nEd (07:58):\r\n\r\nWell, that's a great thing to put on the table: that there's a whole bunch of different things that create pressure for us. I wonder if the biggest one is this fear of not realizing an imagined future. You've got this picture in your mind of what you want for him, or for her, whether that's high school; or it's in college; or maybe, even beyond. You've already, as a parent, started thinking about what that's going to look like. So now, we're going to try to backfill, as a six-year-old. \r\n\r\n(08:35) Again, we call it an \u201cindustrial complex\u201d because it's a $40 billion machine that knows that we feel that way, and says, \"Oh, we've got what your six-year-old needs if you want them to turn into that\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever that is\u2014\u201cYou need to start focusing now,\u201d \u201cYou need to specialize now,\u201d \u201cYou have to pay money now,\u201d \u201cYou got to get with this team, this coach; go to this tournament across these three state lines,\u201d \u201cYou got to keep going. Every day you're not doing that, you're already behind.\" Now, that's happening with every single kid, in every single sport, at the same time. It really ends up being a lie. \r\n\r\n(09:21) Again, I've got three kids now, who are in college. I got one who\u2019s in ninth grade, so we keep saying I got one more chance to get this right, just one more chance. I was talking to Brian about it this morning: \u201cIt's just a lie; you're not in control.\u201d I like how Brian used that word, \u201ccontrol.\u201d We're not in control of their sport future as much as we think we are: \r\n\r\nIf they wind up being any good, it will be largely because God gave them a physical body that does things differently than the vast majority of other people; and you can't control that. \r\n\r\nThey've got a mentality that makes them different\u2014they want to work on their left hand\u2014they want to do the thing that other kids don't want to do to get better, and you can't make them do that. \r\n\r\nKnowing that should free us up to just go to the ten-year-old soccer game and enjoy watching her, or him, play instead of being constantly stressed that they're not performing at this level: \u201cThey need to be performing, as a ten-year-old, so that they can get where we want them to be when they're thirteen; and then, they can make their team when they're seventeen; and they can...\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (10:12):\r\n\r\nOkay. So what's going on in that parent's mind? You guys are parents, so you can relate as a dad. I coached in Michigan public high schools, and I started middle school. So part of it is\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (10:28):\r\n\r\nBut you coached all the way through, from like eight-year-olds.\r\n\r\nDave (10:31):\r\n\r\nYeah. You know what I'm going to say: \u201cBecause I wanted to be there when my sons were on there as well.\u201d And then, even after they went on to college, I stayed; I just wanted to be an influence in a public high school.\r\n\r\nEd (10:40):\r\n\r\nYou stayed in the same school at the same level.\r\n\r\nDave (10:43):\r\n\r\nI coached at the public high school\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014not for long.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014about four or five more years.\r\n\r\nEd (10:46):\r\n\r\nWhen your kids weren't there, you were still coaching in that space.\r\n\r\nDave (10:48):\r\n\r\nBecause I was there, I actually did a chapel for the school on Thursday nights before our Friday night games. It was like amazing ministry. These kids, who never went to church, and their families never went to church, showed up every Thursday and listened to Pastor\/Chaplain Coach Dave talk about Jesus in a public high school. And then, we had dinner. \r\n\r\nBut here's what I was going to say: when I helped out at middle school basketball\u2014and a lot of these kids, this is going to be their first thing\u2014so we had tryouts. I bet there's 50 or 70 boys coming in that gym. You guys know this: in 30 seconds, I could eliminate all but 15 of them. \u201cGo home. There's no way you're ever going to make this team; you don't have the gift. There's no way.\u201d And their parents are over there, thinking they're going to play in the NBA. They would be mad at me, right now, for saying that I could judge them in 30 seconds. You know, as an athlete, you can. They don't have\u2014what you said\u2014\u201cGod-given ability to do it.\u201d That doesn't mean maybe some of them can outwork it and be good, but most of them don't have it. And yet, I know, in high school, those parents are mad at me; because their kid's not playing. I'm like, \u201cI'm there with them every night, Sir; he's not the best.\u201d You know what I mean? \r\n\r\n(12:07) What happens to a parent? What's going on in a parent's mind when they can't see\u2014like, \u201cMaybe, he's an artist,\u201d \u201cMaybe, he's\u2026\u201d\u2014you know what I mean? \u201cHe's got other gifts,\u201d \u201cShe has other gifts; it's not this one.\u201d But they are convinced it has to be on the soccer field.\r\n\r\nBrian (12:13):\r\n\r\nThis is when we talk about being formed and shaped by culture. A lot of what sport culture is forming us by is telling us that:\r\n\r\nWe are one club away from our kid making it. \r\n\r\nWe're one coach... \r\n\r\nWe're one $600 bat away from our kid finally being able to hit it out of the park. \r\n\r\nThere's really never been a better time to be an entrepreneur than right now within the context of youth sports, because well-intentioned parents really do want what's best for our kids. We want to make sure we say that, too. A lot of these parents\u2014they're not crazy\u2014they're well-intentioned. But we've just been discipled so much by youth culture, saying, \u201cIf you just pay a little bit more\u2026\u201d \u201cIf you just join this\u2026\u201d \u201cIf you just do that, then, on the other end, you're going to have this all-star athlete, who's going to get all these great opportunities.\u201d Sports just doesn't work that way. \r\n\r\nWhat I would say to these parents is: research is clear\u2014this isn't just a hunch or a hot take\u2014research is showing that the more money we spend on our kids in youth sports, the less they actually enjoy it. \r\n\r\nAnn (13:19):\r\n\r\nReally? \r\n\r\nBrian (13:19):\r\n\r\nLet that sink in for a second. \r\n\r\nEd: Let that sink in. \r\n\r\nBrian: The more money we spend on our kids, the data is saying the less fun our kids are actually having. \r\n\r\nDave (13:27):\r\n\r\nOh, what\u2019s going on? Why is it?\r\n\r\nEd: It\u2019s worth thinking about \u201cWhy?\u201d Why do you think it is? Why do you think that might be?\r\n\r\nDave (13:32):\r\n\r\nThey feel the pressure. \r\n\r\nAnn: They feel the pressure\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (13:34):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014totally. \r\n\r\nBrian: You buy the kid the nice bat, and you're traveling across state lines, and you've switched from the normal rec league to now this club elite team. Again, well-intentioned: \u201cThere's going to be a great opportunity for our kid.\u201d But the kids know something's going on, as they get more and more investment into them; they're feeling like there's something on the line here. It's not just about play anymore; \u201cI actually have to perform.\u201d That's really, really hard for college athletes to perform at that type of level when there's a lot of pressure. We've taken almost a professional college level of sport, and put it on six- to ten-year-olds; and they're crippling under it.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:16):\r\n\r\nYou're listening to FamilyLife Today. I'm Ann Wilson. Before we continue with our conversation, I just want to remind listeners that our vision, at FamilyLife, is: \u201cEvery home, a godly home.\u201d We need your help to get there. When you become a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible.\r\n\r\nDave (14:37):\r\n\r\nYeah, you'll get access to exclusive updates and events, and the chance to join our \u201cPartners Only\u201d online community. But more than that, you're helping change the future of families. So the question is: \u201cWill you come alongside us and alongside families in need?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (14:53):\r\n\r\nYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and read more about it, and become a Partner; just click the \u201cDonate\u201d button at the top. Again, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nAnn: I've shared this story here before. I was nine years old; no, I think I was ten when I competed really well in a gymnastics meet. Came home\u2014had medals, had ribbons\u2014I had never placed so high in the all- around. My dad was coach; my brother was coaching and playing; and\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (15:26):\r\n\r\n\u2014not gymnastics.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:27):\r\n\r\nNo, they were coaching baseball. They came home. I told my mom\u2014I was in bed\u2014\u201cMake sure you display all of my stuff.\" They came in; saw my stuff. I said, \"Make sure they wake me up.\" They woke me up; and I said, \"Did you see my medals?! Did you see how I placed?!\" My dad and brother were both there, which were my heroes. My dad said, \"Hey, we are the Barons. If you don't have a first place, don't come home; because we are the best. Don't come home unless you're the best.\" I can't tell you the crippling pressure that put on me. It took all the joy away\u2014all of it\u2014and I was paralyzed, competing. That's what you're talking about.\r\n\r\nEd (16:11):\r\n\r\nParalyzed competing. If we can even go here: I wonder what that did to your view of the gospel, and your ability to embrace the idea\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (16:20):\r\n\r\nI can tell you, because I live with her!\r\n\r\nEd (16:22):\r\n\r\nWell, that\u2019s why you have a marriage ministry now; right?\r\n\r\nDave (16:24):\r\n\r\nThere's a sense of performance. She's always that way. We've had conversations about: \u201cDoes God\u201d\u2014it's like she's driving, driving, driving\u2014\u201cI think there\u2019s grace.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (16:34):\r\n\r\nI'm like, \u201cI don't get the grace part.\u201d\r\n\r\nEd (16:36):\r\n\r\nWe don't realize, again\u2014so let's speak as parents\u2014I don't think we realize that, with great intentions\u2014and Brian's always good about pointing this out\u2014it's for most of the parents. \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, their hearts are great. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, we love our kids! \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah. \r\n\r\nEd: We love them; we want the best for them. We want them to have something better than we had. We're haunted by our own regrets, and we don't want them to have to experience those things. We want to protect them from those sorts of things. \r\n\r\nWhat we inadvertently wind up doing is we put them under a performance pressure, because we want them to get someplace; we want them to achieve something. What it ends up doing is, inadvertently\u2014and you said it\u2014it paralyzes them. They may not be able to say it; it's a rare kid who can articulate, \"This is stressing me, Dad. Stop doing it.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (17:25):\r\n\r\nI never said one thing to anybody.\r\n\r\nEd (17:26):\r\n\r\nNo, you'll end up saying it to him [Dave]. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014years later.\r\n\r\nEd: It comes out, years later, in your marriage. When you have kids, and you start taking some of that unresolved stuff out on them\u2014again, this is where it gets really deep\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (17:38):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nEd (17:39):\r\n\r\n\u2014so what if we, as parents\u2014and this is the other thing Brian and I say\u2014\u201cWe're not talking about being participation trophy people.\u201d No, we want to pursue excellence. Yes, there is a place for performance; and of course, yes, we want our kids to try to do their best. But what if we left that to the coaches? What if we, as parents,\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (18:00):\r\n\r\nBut the coaches are bad, Ed; come on.\r\n\r\nEd (18:02):\r\n\r\nWell, let's come back to that.\r\n\r\nDave (18:03):\r\n\r\nOkay.\r\n\r\nEd (18:04):\r\n\r\nBecause a lot of them are, okay? Maybe, God wants to teach our kids something about what it means to be under bad leadership. You think they'll ever experience that in their adult life?\r\n\r\nDave (18:14):\r\n\r\nNever.\r\n\r\nEd (18:14):\r\n\r\nOkay. So what if we, as parents, actually started to invest way more time in the things that we're actually responsible for before God?\u2014that is being their first discipler. That's not as comfortable to me. I'm way better at downloading two hours of critical input about how to be better on the court than I am thinking through: \u201cHow do I have a conversation about: \u2018I don't like the way you went through the handshake line today,\u2019 and \u2018I don't like the fact that you seem to only be interested in yourself. You don't see any of your teammates or care anything about any of them,\u2019 \u2018You're full of anxiety; and I have a responsibility, actually, to teach you how to lean into Jesus in the midst of that.\u2019\u201d That's way scarier to me than to just say, \"Stop feeling that way!\" It's easier just to play that role, and to focus on performance, than it is to think about being a discipler.\r\n\r\nBrian (19:13):\r\n\r\nAnd even coming back to your situation, Ann; I think most parents aren't going to come out and say that to their kids. But how many kids would feel that coming from their parents?\u2014\u201cMy mom and dad are most satisfied with me when I perform well,\u201d or \u201cI get the most affection or attention when I perform well.\u201d If kids' primary view of God comes from mom and dad, early on in their life, man, we are almost imprinting this performance-driven mindset at such a young age. \r\n\r\nWhat sports has an opportunity is: we can actually flip that script. We can say things like, \"Hey, before you even go out there today, I want you to know that I love you; and I'm just so excited to watch you play.\"\r\n\r\nEd (19:52):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cno matter what happens.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian (19:53):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cno matter what happens.\u201d And then, making sure our posture and our words, throughout the game, reflect that truth. \r\n\r\nWhat if our kids could end their youth-sport experience saying, \u201cWhether I was amazing or I was horrible, Mom and Dad loved me. That love was not dependent on what I did on the field or the court.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (20:11):\r\n\r\nHow does a parent get to that maturity?\u2014because that's maturity. \r\n\r\nIt's interesting\u2014I didn't realize that at the time\u2014I had a single mom; dad was gone. She did that.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:20):\r\n\r\nYeah, she did.\r\n\r\nDave (20:21):\r\n\r\nShe really did. She just thought it was great, watching me play. Every game was awesome. I remember we played Fremont Ross, Buckeye Conference\u201410,000 people my junior year\u2014the quarterback was going to Michigan State; got hurt. I'm now the starter, and it's the end of the season. I remember it's the biggest game of my life, at that point. I go 2 for 12, with 2 interceptions; and we lose. I walk off; she's like, \"You are amazing!\" I'm like, \"Mom! I was terrible.\" She didn't even care. I really feel like I grew up\u2014every sport I play, I enjoy\u2014and I play with Ann; she's like, \u201cOoh!\u201d I'm like, \u201cOh, my goodness; you carry that into your adulthood.\u201d What your parents put on you, she still feels. \r\n\r\nI remember we had our oldest son\u2014he's an IT guy today; he's an engineer guy\u2014he loves sports. He played them all, but he was not gifted.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:13):\r\n\r\nYou guys, this is such a picture of\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (21:15):\r\n\r\nThis is our marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:17):\r\n\r\nYou can tell a lot about yourself by how you respond to watching your kids play, and your past. \r\n\r\nDave (21:21):\r\n\r\nWe're playing in this little basketball game. I\u2019m coaching. How old was CJ?\r\n\r\nAnn (21:25):\r\n\r\nHe was probably five or seven\u2014seven. \r\n\r\nDave: No, no, no.\r\n\r\nAnn: He was seven. \r\n\r\nDave (21:28):\r\n\r\nSeven or eight years old. We're terrible. \r\n\r\nAnn (21:32):\r\n\r\nI am like, \u201cCJ!\u201d I'm yelling from the court. \r\n\r\nEd (21:34):\r\n\r\nYeah, with that tone, I can hear it; I'm stressed right now!\r\n\r\nAnn (21:37):\r\n\r\n\u201cGet to the ball!\u201d \u201cGet to the ball!\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: She's in the stands. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cGet to your basket!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: I'm coaching. I turn around to my own wife, who's the bad parent, like, \u201cShut up!\u201d CJ\u2014at one point, he literally stops at mid-court\u2014the game's going, back and forth, around him.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:52):\r\n\r\nAnd this is where I'm like: \u201cCJ!\u201d \u201cCJ!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (21:54):\r\n\r\nHe's staring at the scoreboard. I know what's happening, because I know my kid enough. I go, \"Hey, time out! \" They all come over. \r\n\r\nAnn: He's laughing the whole time; he\u2019s laughing. \r\n\r\nDave: She's up there; she\u2019s up there: \u201cCJ!\u201d \u201cCJ!\u201d He's looking at me, and looking at her. I go, \"Hey, CJ. Well, what were you doing there at half court?\"\u2014and my other coach was coaching the kids\u2014I knew what he was going to say. He goes, \"Dad, the scoreboard: how does the guy push those things, and it changes the lights on the scoreboard?\u201d I go, \"CJ, I have no idea; but I can guarantee you will know someday.\" That's his brain!\r\n\r\nEd: Yes; that\u2019s such a good story.\r\n\r\nDave: He came alive that way.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:26):\r\n\r\nThat's when I ended all of that; and it made me think, \u201cWhy am I putting this pressure on him? I\u2019m wanting him to become something that he's not.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (22:37):\r\n\r\n\u201cFind what their genius is and flame it,\u201d\u2014is that what you're saying? \r\n\r\nBrian: One of the issues is we've almost trusted youth sports for too little. We're just trusting it for the high school opportunity; or maybe, the college scholarship. But what we're talking about right now is: \u201cThis is affecting us today, in our 40s, 50s and 60s. How our parents stewarded their youth-sport experience with us has ripple effects today.\u201d Man, what if we trusted the youth-sport experience for lifelong discipleship instead of just maybe overstressing about the score of a game when they're 12 years old?\r\n\r\nAnn (23:12):\r\n\r\nDo we have to heal ourselves from the past before we can do that?\r\n\r\nEd (23:15):\r\n\r\nHuge part of what we've been talking about is: \u201cYeah, I think I do.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (23:34):\r\n\r\nOkay. I love these guys; I love this conversation. This is a conversation I think every parent is longing for\u2014wisdom\u2014don't you think?\r\n\r\nDave (23:45):\r\n\r\nOh, I know it. I wish we would've had it. \r\n\r\nAnn: Me, too. \r\n\r\nDave: Now, the wisdom is out there; it's called Away Game; it's the book. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; click on the link in the show notes. I'm telling you: we've only begun this conversation; we're going to talk to them a couple more days. Man, oh man, get the book; do the work, because this is literally going to change your child's life if you do it right. \r\n\r\nCome back tomorrow; we're going to be back with Ed and Brian.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:13):\r\n\r\nI don't know about you; but I need parenting help, not just sometimes, but most of the time. Maybe, you feel like that, too. We have resources to help you, as a parent. You can go to FamilyLife.com\/ParentingHelp. And you're going to find resources that will really help you, not just once in a while, but as much as you want; that's the benefit. Again, you can go to FamilyLife.com\/ParentingHelp.\r\n\r\nDave (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nCelebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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FamilyLife Today, Dave and Ann Wilson host Brian Smith & Ed Uszynski, authors of Away Game: A Christian Parent's Guide to Navigating Youth Sports. They expose the $50B+ youth sports machine driving fear and burnout\u2014and show how to reclaim fun, build character, and ditch the scholarship chase.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Helpful tools and encouragement for parents available at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/content-offers\/best-of-parenting\/\">FamilyLife.com\/parentinghelp<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\"Away Game\" by Ed Uszynski and Brian Smith \u2014 a thoughtful look at youth sports, identity, and what really matters for families is available at your favorite bookstore.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-02-04.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nYouth Sports Burnout: Escape Fear-Parenting and the Scholarship Trap\r\n\r\nGuests:Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Youth Sports Pressure (Day 1 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:February 4, 2026\r\n\r\nBrian (00:04):\r\n\r\nResearch is clear\u2014this isn't just a hunch or a hot take\u2014research is showing that the more money we spend on our kids in youth sports, the less they actually enjoy it. Let that sink in for a second. The more money we spend on our kids, the data is saying the less fun our kids are actually having.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:30):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:37):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nDave: Ed Uszynski; Brian Smith in the studio.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:53):\r\n\r\nAre you happy they\u2019re here?\r\n\r\nDave (00:54):\r\n\r\nYeah, we're glad you guys are here. We're going to talk about Away Game, a book you wrote about youth sports. I endorsed your book. I think I might have even said this in the endorsement; I don't remember. \u201cI started your book; I couldn't put it down! I read the whole thing, because it was so\u201d\u2014I think\u2014\"needed for parents, especially of kids in youth sports.\u201d \r\n\r\nHere's the thing\u2014I'm not going to tell people how old we are, but we're old\u2014you guys are in your 40s; maybe?\r\n\r\nEd (01:23):\r\n\r\nFifty-seven, dude.\r\n\r\nDave (01:24):\r\n\r\nThere you go!\r\n\r\nEd: We\u2019re old.\r\n\r\nAnn: Brian\u2014 \r\n\r\nBrian (01:26):\r\n\r\n\u201443.\r\n\r\nDave (01:27):\r\n\r\nBut here's the thing\u2014we bring up the topic of youth sports and memories\u2014and right away, we all have strong memories. I bet we could\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (01:35):\r\n\r\nIt's the power and pressure that sports brings.\r\n\r\nDave (01:37):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:38):\r\n\r\nIf you're in it, you felt it. But now, as parents, I think it's a hard one to navigate; because it's all consuming now\u2014 \r\n\r\nEd (01:47):\r\n\r\nFor sure.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:47):\r\n\r\n\u2014different, probably, than all of us growing up; it's even more so.\r\n\r\nDave (01:50):\r\n\r\nYeah. One of the things I was amazed, when I picked up your book, was you did a history of how we got to where we are. We're talking about youth sports in a day when, most of the time, we played in the backyard.\r\n\r\nBrian (02:01):\r\n\r\nYeah; sandlot games.\r\n\r\nDave (02:02):\r\n\r\nYeah. And then, we had a game, here and there. Now\u2014we have grandkids; I've been there on these fields\u2014and it's pressure; it's four or five games a week and practice. \r\n\r\nAnd by the way, this conversation isn't just about parents and youth sports. \r\n\r\nAnn (02:17):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah; because kids can feel the pressure from us in their academics. \r\n\r\nDave (02:24):\r\n\r\nOh, big time: grades, theater, musicals\u2014anything\u2014it's not just youth sports. And we are consumed, as parents: we want our kids to excel, and they feel that.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:32):\r\n\r\nThey feel it.\r\n\r\nDave (02:32):\r\n\r\nSo this is a conversation\u2014whether you have a kid in sports, or in music, or in school\u2014this applies to all of us.\r\n\r\nAnn (02:39):\r\n\r\nYou guys know this; take us there. \r\n\r\nDave: Take us to how we got here.\r\n\r\nEd (02:42):\r\n\r\nLook, the book does not read as a lecture; it reads more like a confessional.\r\n\r\nBrian (02:46):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nEd (02:47):\r\n\r\nBecause Brian and I looked up at each other, a decade ago. We were already working together in sports ministry with college athletes, but we were both coaching. We both had kids who were entering the youth sport world. We started having these conversations, where it's like: \u201cWe don't know what we're doing,\u201d and \u201cWe're completely overwhelmed.\u201d You're on this fast-moving train, that you just had to jump on with your eight-year-old. You're not exactly sure where it's going, but it doesn't feel like it's to a good place; but we're going.\r\n\r\n(03:16) We said, as Christians even: \u201cHow do we think and operate like Christians in this space?\u201d We weren't trying to pull ourselves completely out of it. We didn't want to be completely swept up in it; but then, what? There's not a ton of teaching about how you do that well as a Christian. \r\n\r\nWe just started to talk about it with each other and started to do our own research, started to gather our own stories, made plenty of our own mistakes, and said, \u201cLet's start the conversation in the Christian space; or at least, add to the little that's there, to say, \u2018Here's a different way, forward. Let's be countercultural in the sports\/the youth\u2014what we're calling the \u2018youth sports industrial complex\u2019\u2014let's find a way to, just like in every other aspect of Christian life, trying to live in a secular society, let's be different. What would that look like?\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian (04:06):\r\n\r\nYeah. We say, from the start, we love sports; we're sports guys. And so when we come at this conversation, it's not like we're saying we need to completely eject from the process or there's\u2014we don't want to go all bad on sport\u2014we really do love all of the beautiful moments that sports bring. \r\n\r\nWhat we're trying to help ourselves\u2014but also, parents realize\u2014there's really two things. One, we want a growing awareness of just what the youth sport industrial complex is; so we can have common language for it, categories we can recognize when we see it. We can understand what it's trying to do to us\u2014how it's shaping and forming us and our kids\u2014but we don't want to just complain about it, and bemoan the truth of what it is today; we want to act, Christianly, in the space.\r\n\r\n(04:46) We start by: \u201cLet's have language and categories to understand it; but then, let's learn how to use youth sports as a vehicle to actually disciple our kids.\u201d That's a large part of what the book's about, too: \u201cHow do you take the moments that are happening on the field, the court, the pool, and turn those into discipleship opportunities?\u201d Because whether you're paying $100 or $1,000, it becomes a pretty worthwhile investment if your kid's actually learning how to be more patient, and learning how to love, and learning things like self-control. If all we're doing is throwing all this money into a system, and hoping that they become a college athlete, that's not a good investment.\r\n\r\nEd (05:23):\r\n\r\nWe keep throwing the biblical character, Daniel, around. We really want to walk in his footsteps and do what he and his friends did. Obviously, they weren't doing anything with youth sports; but they were in an intensely secular culture in Babylon that was completely anti- their God, and they had to make a choice: \u201cWere they going to completely separate from it and create a holy huddle over here on the side, where they completely distance themselves from it?\u201d On the other extreme: \u201cAre they just going to say, \u2018Hey, God doesn't seem to be active right now; let's just go with the flow. When in Rome do his Romans do, right? We're just going to get swept up in it.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nNo, they stayed right in the middle of it, and showed what it looks like to be obediently involved. They walked with God in the midst of it, and locked arms with each other; they didn't try to do it as individuals. We think there's something to that, too: you lock arms with a handful of other people, who are saying, \u201cOn our watch, in our little corner of the bleachers, let's do this different.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (06:20):\r\n\r\nIs that what Away Game means?\u2014your title.\r\n\r\nBrian (06:23):\r\n\r\nLargely, it came from the biblical character, Daniel; but also, this idea of, when you're playing a home game, there's just some comfort, familiarity. When you go to an away game, you have to be on your game\u2014you don't know where the bathrooms are\u2014I experienced this this year. Any football game you go to, the away section is always like the sun is just shining bright in your face; and you're like\u2014we actually sat with the home side when we're at away games\u2014because it's so miserable. \r\n\r\nWe think a large part of the problem is we, especially as Christian parents, we go into the youth sport experience expecting it to be like a home game feel, and expecting to have some semblance of control. And then, the ref makes a bad call, or the coach doesn't give our kid playing time, or our coach messes up, and we learn really quickly: \u201cWe actually don't have any control over the process.\u201d So the whole thing is like this away game; just expect it to be a little chaotic and out of control.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:14):\r\n\r\nYou guys both have kids\u2014 \r\n\r\nEd (07:15):\r\n\r\nFour.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:16):\r\n\r\n\u2014four kids.\r\n\r\nEd (07:16):\r\n\r\nI have four; Brian has three.\r\n\r\nAnn (07:18):\r\n\r\nThree kids. \r\n\r\nI'm assuming they're in sports, and were in sports, or are in sports. What was that experience like for you? Did you feel that pull? You said that a little bit. What did that look like for you guys and your family, and what did the conversations sound like? \r\n\r\nI remember getting into this. I think our son was four; he didn't know anything. He's on the soccer field, our first son. This mom goes, \"Did you sign up for this?\u2014the travel league?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d She goes, \"Oh, you better. Because if you don't do it, he's never going to be able to go to the next level.\" I remember saying to Dave, \"Do we want him to go?\" You feel this pressure, so take us there.\r\n\r\nEd (07:58):\r\n\r\nWell, that's a great thing to put on the table: that there's a whole bunch of different things that create pressure for us. I wonder if the biggest one is this fear of not realizing an imagined future. You've got this picture in your mind of what you want for him, or for her, whether that's high school; or it's in college; or maybe, even beyond. You've already, as a parent, started thinking about what that's going to look like. So now, we're going to try to backfill, as a six-year-old. \r\n\r\n(08:35) Again, we call it an \u201cindustrial complex\u201d because it's a $40 billion machine that knows that we feel that way, and says, \"Oh, we've got what your six-year-old needs if you want them to turn into that\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever that is\u2014\u201cYou need to start focusing now,\u201d \u201cYou need to specialize now,\u201d \u201cYou have to pay money now,\u201d \u201cYou got to get with this team, this coach; go to this tournament across these three state lines,\u201d \u201cYou got to keep going. Every day you're not doing that, you're already behind.\" Now, that's happening with every single kid, in every single sport, at the same time. It really ends up being a lie. \r\n\r\n(09:21) Again, I've got three kids now, who are in college. I got one who\u2019s in ninth grade, so we keep saying I got one more chance to get this right, just one more chance. I was talking to Brian about it this morning: \u201cIt's just a lie; you're not in control.\u201d I like how Brian used that word, \u201ccontrol.\u201d We're not in control of their sport future as much as we think we are: \r\n\r\nIf they wind up being any good, it will be largely because God gave them a physical body that does things differently than the vast majority of other people; and you can't control that. \r\n\r\nThey've got a mentality that makes them different\u2014they want to work on their left hand\u2014they want to do the thing that other kids don't want to do to get better, and you can't make them do that. \r\n\r\nKnowing that should free us up to just go to the ten-year-old soccer game and enjoy watching her, or him, play instead of being constantly stressed that they're not performing at this level: \u201cThey need to be performing, as a ten-year-old, so that they can get where we want them to be when they're thirteen; and then, they can make their team when they're seventeen; and they can...\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (10:12):\r\n\r\nOkay. So what's going on in that parent's mind? You guys are parents, so you can relate as a dad. I coached in Michigan public high schools, and I started middle school. So part of it is\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (10:28):\r\n\r\nBut you coached all the way through, from like eight-year-olds.\r\n\r\nDave (10:31):\r\n\r\nYeah. You know what I'm going to say: \u201cBecause I wanted to be there when my sons were on there as well.\u201d And then, even after they went on to college, I stayed; I just wanted to be an influence in a public high school.\r\n\r\nEd (10:40):\r\n\r\nYou stayed in the same school at the same level.\r\n\r\nDave (10:43):\r\n\r\nI coached at the public high school\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014not for long.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014about four or five more years.\r\n\r\nEd (10:46):\r\n\r\nWhen your kids weren't there, you were still coaching in that space.\r\n\r\nDave (10:48):\r\n\r\nBecause I was there, I actually did a chapel for the school on Thursday nights before our Friday night games. It was like amazing ministry. These kids, who never went to church, and their families never went to church, showed up every Thursday and listened to Pastor\/Chaplain Coach Dave talk about Jesus in a public high school. And then, we had dinner. \r\n\r\nBut here's what I was going to say: when I helped out at middle school basketball\u2014and a lot of these kids, this is going to be their first thing\u2014so we had tryouts. I bet there's 50 or 70 boys coming in that gym. You guys know this: in 30 seconds, I could eliminate all but 15 of them. \u201cGo home. There's no way you're ever going to make this team; you don't have the gift. There's no way.\u201d And their parents are over there, thinking they're going to play in the NBA. They would be mad at me, right now, for saying that I could judge them in 30 seconds. You know, as an athlete, you can. They don't have\u2014what you said\u2014\u201cGod-given ability to do it.\u201d That doesn't mean maybe some of them can outwork it and be good, but most of them don't have it. And yet, I know, in high school, those parents are mad at me; because their kid's not playing. I'm like, \u201cI'm there with them every night, Sir; he's not the best.\u201d You know what I mean? \r\n\r\n(12:07) What happens to a parent? What's going on in a parent's mind when they can't see\u2014like, \u201cMaybe, he's an artist,\u201d \u201cMaybe, he's\u2026\u201d\u2014you know what I mean? \u201cHe's got other gifts,\u201d \u201cShe has other gifts; it's not this one.\u201d But they are convinced it has to be on the soccer field.\r\n\r\nBrian (12:13):\r\n\r\nThis is when we talk about being formed and shaped by culture. A lot of what sport culture is forming us by is telling us that:\r\n\r\nWe are one club away from our kid making it. \r\n\r\nWe're one coach... \r\n\r\nWe're one $600 bat away from our kid finally being able to hit it out of the park. \r\n\r\nThere's really never been a better time to be an entrepreneur than right now within the context of youth sports, because well-intentioned parents really do want what's best for our kids. We want to make sure we say that, too. A lot of these parents\u2014they're not crazy\u2014they're well-intentioned. But we've just been discipled so much by youth culture, saying, \u201cIf you just pay a little bit more\u2026\u201d \u201cIf you just join this\u2026\u201d \u201cIf you just do that, then, on the other end, you're going to have this all-star athlete, who's going to get all these great opportunities.\u201d Sports just doesn't work that way. \r\n\r\nWhat I would say to these parents is: research is clear\u2014this isn't just a hunch or a hot take\u2014research is showing that the more money we spend on our kids in youth sports, the less they actually enjoy it. \r\n\r\nAnn (13:19):\r\n\r\nReally? \r\n\r\nBrian (13:19):\r\n\r\nLet that sink in for a second. \r\n\r\nEd: Let that sink in. \r\n\r\nBrian: The more money we spend on our kids, the data is saying the less fun our kids are actually having. \r\n\r\nDave (13:27):\r\n\r\nOh, what\u2019s going on? Why is it?\r\n\r\nEd: It\u2019s worth thinking about \u201cWhy?\u201d Why do you think it is? Why do you think that might be?\r\n\r\nDave (13:32):\r\n\r\nThey feel the pressure. \r\n\r\nAnn: They feel the pressure\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (13:34):\r\n\r\nYeah.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014totally. \r\n\r\nBrian: You buy the kid the nice bat, and you're traveling across state lines, and you've switched from the normal rec league to now this club elite team. Again, well-intentioned: \u201cThere's going to be a great opportunity for our kid.\u201d But the kids know something's going on, as they get more and more investment into them; they're feeling like there's something on the line here. It's not just about play anymore; \u201cI actually have to perform.\u201d That's really, really hard for college athletes to perform at that type of level when there's a lot of pressure. We've taken almost a professional college level of sport, and put it on six- to ten-year-olds; and they're crippling under it.\r\n\r\nAnn (14:16):\r\n\r\nYou're listening to FamilyLife Today. I'm Ann Wilson. Before we continue with our conversation, I just want to remind listeners that our vision, at FamilyLife, is: \u201cEvery home, a godly home.\u201d We need your help to get there. When you become a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible.\r\n\r\nDave (14:37):\r\n\r\nYeah, you'll get access to exclusive updates and events, and the chance to join our \u201cPartners Only\u201d online community. But more than that, you're helping change the future of families. So the question is: \u201cWill you come alongside us and alongside families in need?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (14:53):\r\n\r\nYou can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and read more about it, and become a Partner; just click the \u201cDonate\u201d button at the top. Again, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nAnn: I've shared this story here before. I was nine years old; no, I think I was ten when I competed really well in a gymnastics meet. Came home\u2014had medals, had ribbons\u2014I had never placed so high in the all- around. My dad was coach; my brother was coaching and playing; and\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (15:26):\r\n\r\n\u2014not gymnastics.\r\n\r\nAnn (15:27):\r\n\r\nNo, they were coaching baseball. They came home. I told my mom\u2014I was in bed\u2014\u201cMake sure you display all of my stuff.\" They came in; saw my stuff. I said, \"Make sure they wake me up.\" They woke me up; and I said, \"Did you see my medals?! Did you see how I placed?!\" My dad and brother were both there, which were my heroes. My dad said, \"Hey, we are the Barons. If you don't have a first place, don't come home; because we are the best. Don't come home unless you're the best.\" I can't tell you the crippling pressure that put on me. It took all the joy away\u2014all of it\u2014and I was paralyzed, competing. That's what you're talking about.\r\n\r\nEd (16:11):\r\n\r\nParalyzed competing. If we can even go here: I wonder what that did to your view of the gospel, and your ability to embrace the idea\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (16:20):\r\n\r\nI can tell you, because I live with her!\r\n\r\nEd (16:22):\r\n\r\nWell, that\u2019s why you have a marriage ministry now; right?\r\n\r\nDave (16:24):\r\n\r\nThere's a sense of performance. She's always that way. We've had conversations about: \u201cDoes God\u201d\u2014it's like she's driving, driving, driving\u2014\u201cI think there\u2019s grace.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (16:34):\r\n\r\nI'm like, \u201cI don't get the grace part.\u201d\r\n\r\nEd (16:36):\r\n\r\nWe don't realize, again\u2014so let's speak as parents\u2014I don't think we realize that, with great intentions\u2014and Brian's always good about pointing this out\u2014it's for most of the parents. \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, their hearts are great. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, we love our kids! \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah. \r\n\r\nEd: We love them; we want the best for them. We want them to have something better than we had. We're haunted by our own regrets, and we don't want them to have to experience those things. We want to protect them from those sorts of things. \r\n\r\nWhat we inadvertently wind up doing is we put them under a performance pressure, because we want them to get someplace; we want them to achieve something. What it ends up doing is, inadvertently\u2014and you said it\u2014it paralyzes them. They may not be able to say it; it's a rare kid who can articulate, \"This is stressing me, Dad. Stop doing it.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (17:25):\r\n\r\nI never said one thing to anybody.\r\n\r\nEd (17:26):\r\n\r\nNo, you'll end up saying it to him [Dave]. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014years later.\r\n\r\nEd: It comes out, years later, in your marriage. When you have kids, and you start taking some of that unresolved stuff out on them\u2014again, this is where it gets really deep\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (17:38):\r\n\r\nYes.\r\n\r\nEd (17:39):\r\n\r\n\u2014so what if we, as parents\u2014and this is the other thing Brian and I say\u2014\u201cWe're not talking about being participation trophy people.\u201d No, we want to pursue excellence. Yes, there is a place for performance; and of course, yes, we want our kids to try to do their best. But what if we left that to the coaches? What if we, as parents,\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (18:00):\r\n\r\nBut the coaches are bad, Ed; come on.\r\n\r\nEd (18:02):\r\n\r\nWell, let's come back to that.\r\n\r\nDave (18:03):\r\n\r\nOkay.\r\n\r\nEd (18:04):\r\n\r\nBecause a lot of them are, okay? Maybe, God wants to teach our kids something about what it means to be under bad leadership. You think they'll ever experience that in their adult life?\r\n\r\nDave (18:14):\r\n\r\nNever.\r\n\r\nEd (18:14):\r\n\r\nOkay. So what if we, as parents, actually started to invest way more time in the things that we're actually responsible for before God?\u2014that is being their first discipler. That's not as comfortable to me. I'm way better at downloading two hours of critical input about how to be better on the court than I am thinking through: \u201cHow do I have a conversation about: \u2018I don't like the way you went through the handshake line today,\u2019 and \u2018I don't like the fact that you seem to only be interested in yourself. You don't see any of your teammates or care anything about any of them,\u2019 \u2018You're full of anxiety; and I have a responsibility, actually, to teach you how to lean into Jesus in the midst of that.\u2019\u201d That's way scarier to me than to just say, \"Stop feeling that way!\" It's easier just to play that role, and to focus on performance, than it is to think about being a discipler.\r\n\r\nBrian (19:13):\r\n\r\nAnd even coming back to your situation, Ann; I think most parents aren't going to come out and say that to their kids. But how many kids would feel that coming from their parents?\u2014\u201cMy mom and dad are most satisfied with me when I perform well,\u201d or \u201cI get the most affection or attention when I perform well.\u201d If kids' primary view of God comes from mom and dad, early on in their life, man, we are almost imprinting this performance-driven mindset at such a young age. \r\n\r\nWhat sports has an opportunity is: we can actually flip that script. We can say things like, \"Hey, before you even go out there today, I want you to know that I love you; and I'm just so excited to watch you play.\"\r\n\r\nEd (19:52):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cno matter what happens.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian (19:53):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cno matter what happens.\u201d And then, making sure our posture and our words, throughout the game, reflect that truth. \r\n\r\nWhat if our kids could end their youth-sport experience saying, \u201cWhether I was amazing or I was horrible, Mom and Dad loved me. That love was not dependent on what I did on the field or the court.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (20:11):\r\n\r\nHow does a parent get to that maturity?\u2014because that's maturity. \r\n\r\nIt's interesting\u2014I didn't realize that at the time\u2014I had a single mom; dad was gone. She did that.\r\n\r\nAnn (20:20):\r\n\r\nYeah, she did.\r\n\r\nDave (20:21):\r\n\r\nShe really did. She just thought it was great, watching me play. Every game was awesome. I remember we played Fremont Ross, Buckeye Conference\u201410,000 people my junior year\u2014the quarterback was going to Michigan State; got hurt. I'm now the starter, and it's the end of the season. I remember it's the biggest game of my life, at that point. I go 2 for 12, with 2 interceptions; and we lose. I walk off; she's like, \"You are amazing!\" I'm like, \"Mom! I was terrible.\" She didn't even care. I really feel like I grew up\u2014every sport I play, I enjoy\u2014and I play with Ann; she's like, \u201cOoh!\u201d I'm like, \u201cOh, my goodness; you carry that into your adulthood.\u201d What your parents put on you, she still feels. \r\n\r\nI remember we had our oldest son\u2014he's an IT guy today; he's an engineer guy\u2014he loves sports. He played them all, but he was not gifted.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:13):\r\n\r\nYou guys, this is such a picture of\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (21:15):\r\n\r\nThis is our marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:17):\r\n\r\nYou can tell a lot about yourself by how you respond to watching your kids play, and your past. \r\n\r\nDave (21:21):\r\n\r\nWe're playing in this little basketball game. I\u2019m coaching. How old was CJ?\r\n\r\nAnn (21:25):\r\n\r\nHe was probably five or seven\u2014seven. \r\n\r\nDave: No, no, no.\r\n\r\nAnn: He was seven. \r\n\r\nDave (21:28):\r\n\r\nSeven or eight years old. We're terrible. \r\n\r\nAnn (21:32):\r\n\r\nI am like, \u201cCJ!\u201d I'm yelling from the court. \r\n\r\nEd (21:34):\r\n\r\nYeah, with that tone, I can hear it; I'm stressed right now!\r\n\r\nAnn (21:37):\r\n\r\n\u201cGet to the ball!\u201d \u201cGet to the ball!\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: She's in the stands. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cGet to your basket!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: I'm coaching. I turn around to my own wife, who's the bad parent, like, \u201cShut up!\u201d CJ\u2014at one point, he literally stops at mid-court\u2014the game's going, back and forth, around him.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:52):\r\n\r\nAnd this is where I'm like: \u201cCJ!\u201d \u201cCJ!\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (21:54):\r\n\r\nHe's staring at the scoreboard. I know what's happening, because I know my kid enough. I go, \"Hey, time out! \" They all come over. \r\n\r\nAnn: He's laughing the whole time; he\u2019s laughing. \r\n\r\nDave: She's up there; she\u2019s up there: \u201cCJ!\u201d \u201cCJ!\u201d He's looking at me, and looking at her. I go, \"Hey, CJ. Well, what were you doing there at half court?\"\u2014and my other coach was coaching the kids\u2014I knew what he was going to say. He goes, \"Dad, the scoreboard: how does the guy push those things, and it changes the lights on the scoreboard?\u201d I go, \"CJ, I have no idea; but I can guarantee you will know someday.\" That's his brain!\r\n\r\nEd: Yes; that\u2019s such a good story.\r\n\r\nDave: He came alive that way.\r\n\r\nAnn (22:26):\r\n\r\nThat's when I ended all of that; and it made me think, \u201cWhy am I putting this pressure on him? I\u2019m wanting him to become something that he's not.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (22:37):\r\n\r\n\u201cFind what their genius is and flame it,\u201d\u2014is that what you're saying? \r\n\r\nBrian: One of the issues is we've almost trusted youth sports for too little. We're just trusting it for the high school opportunity; or maybe, the college scholarship. But what we're talking about right now is: \u201cThis is affecting us today, in our 40s, 50s and 60s. How our parents stewarded their youth-sport experience with us has ripple effects today.\u201d Man, what if we trusted the youth-sport experience for lifelong discipleship instead of just maybe overstressing about the score of a game when they're 12 years old?\r\n\r\nAnn (23:12):\r\n\r\nDo we have to heal ourselves from the past before we can do that?\r\n\r\nEd (23:15):\r\n\r\nHuge part of what we've been talking about is: \u201cYeah, I think I do.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (23:34):\r\n\r\nOkay. I love these guys; I love this conversation. This is a conversation I think every parent is longing for\u2014wisdom\u2014don't you think?\r\n\r\nDave (23:45):\r\n\r\nOh, I know it. I wish we would've had it. \r\n\r\nAnn: Me, too. \r\n\r\nDave: Now, the wisdom is out there; it's called Away Game; it's the book. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; click on the link in the show notes. I'm telling you: we've only begun this conversation; we're going to talk to them a couple more days. Man, oh man, get the book; do the work, because this is literally going to change your child's life if you do it right. \r\n\r\nCome back tomorrow; we're going to be back with Ed and Brian.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:13):\r\n\r\nI don't know about you; but I need parenting help, not just sometimes, but most of the time. Maybe, you feel like that, too. We have resources to help you, as a parent. You can go to FamilyLife.com\/ParentingHelp. And you're going to find resources that will really help you, not just once in a while, but as much as you want; that's the benefit. Again, you can go to FamilyLife.com\/ParentingHelp.\r\n\r\nDave (24:45):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nCelebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/317757","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317757"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317757"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=317757"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=317757"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=317757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}