{"id":317536,"date":"2026-01-27T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-27T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace\/"},"modified":"2026-01-28T02:47:45","modified_gmt":"2026-01-28T07:47:45","slug":"how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace\/","title":{"rendered":"How Churches Can Include Single Parents: Ron Deal and Gayla Grace"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What if the families who feel like \u201cmisfits\u201d in church are actually the majority? Therapist Ron Deal and author Gayla Grace explore the pain of exclusion, sharing practical, gospel-centered strategies for how churches can include single parents. From language tweaks to small groups and intentional hospitality, this episode inspires hope, challenges assumptions, and equips leaders and volunteers to create a church where every family feels truly seen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ron Deal and author Gayla Grace explore the pain of exclusion, sharing practical, gospel-centered strategies for how churches can include single parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/7e222fc4-9dba-4e27-b86a-b3d3010ba2bd\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2880],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[11220],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-317536","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-single-parenting","cwp_profile-anna-meade-harris","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/317536\/how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/317536\/how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9iwDNxlcjM\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace\/\">How Churches Can Include Single Parents: Ron Deal and Gayla Grace<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-churches-can-include-single-parents-ron-deal-and-gayla-grace\/embed\/#?secret=9iwDNxlcjM\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How Churches Can Include Single Parents: Ron Deal and Gayla Grace&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9iwDNxlcjM\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["7e222fc4-9dba-4e27-b86a-b3d3010ba2bd"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/7e222fc4-9dba-4e27-b86a-b3d3010ba2bd\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:24:55"],"filesize":["22.85M"],"_thumbnail_id":["295627"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Find Ron and Nan's book, \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-mindful-marriage-create-your-best-relationship-through-understanding-and-managing-yourself\">The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself<\/a>\" in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Join us for our yearly Blended and Blessed event, go to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blendedandblessed.com\/\">blendedandblessed.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more blended resources at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylifeblended\/blended-families\/\">familylife.com\/blended<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-01-27.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nHow Churches Can Include Single Parents\r\n\r\nGuests:Anna Meade Harris, Ron Deal, and Gayla Grace\r\n\r\nFrom the series:How Churches Can Include Single Parents (Day 1 of 1)\r\n\r\nAir date:January 27, 2026\r\n\r\nRon (00:04):\r\n\r\nHere's the thing that I think we need to ponder and, maybe, shift in how we do church. For years, we sort of said: \u201cLet's put the married young couples over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the married, with teenagers, over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the single parents over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the singles in a singles group.\u201d We divided everybody up. I think the strategy needs to shift. I think we ought to give people opportunities, for example, in small groups or Sunday school classes to be with lots of different kinds of people.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:41):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:48):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nDave: Alright; it's a fun day!\r\n\r\nAnn (01:02):\r\n\r\nIt's a fun day. You know why?\r\n\r\nDave (01:04):\r\n\r\nWell, I want to know what you think a fun day is.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:06):\r\n\r\nIt's having Ron Deal and Gayla Grace with us. That makes a really good day.\r\n\r\nDave (01:10):\r\n\r\nThat's what I was thinking, too.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:11):\r\n\r\nWere you?\r\n\r\nDave (01:12):\r\n\r\nYeah. I wonder if they're thinking it's a fun day. What do you guys think, Ron and Gayla?\r\n\r\nGayla (01:17):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely; it's a fun day, Dave. \r\n\r\nDave: What else are you going to say? \r\n\r\nRon (01:20):\r\n\r\nIt will be interesting, for sure. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2026\u201dinteresting\u201d; that's a good word.\r\n\r\nDave (01:24):\r\n\r\nYeah. Well, for those of you who don't know; which means, I don't know where you've been hiding; because everybody knows that Ron and Gayla lead our blended ministry, here, at FamilyLife. We love having you guys on. Again, I don't know if you love having us on; but it doesn't matter, because we're hosting you today. \r\n\r\nHonestly, we want to get your feedback on a show\/a broadcast we did recently with Anna Meade Harris, who wrote a book about being a single mom and how that is sort of received by the local church. Her book was called God's Grace for Every Family: Biblical Encouragement for Single-Parent Families and the Churches That Seek to Love Them Well. \r\n\r\nFirst of all, when you hear that, what are your first thoughts about churches and single parents or blended families?\r\n\r\nAnn (02:18):\r\n\r\n\u2014or singles?\r\n\r\nRon (02:19):\r\n\r\nYeah, my first thought is, \u201cAbsolutely; I'm so glad she wrote that book.\u201d For a long time, I've said, \u201cSingle-parent ministry and stepfamily ministry are cousins. They are close cousins because it's one phase that leads to another phase in people's worlds and lives. Blended families often have children who move between their home and a single-parent home. The gap between what the church is able to do\u2014and how it responds to singles, single-parents, divorced, widowed, never-married, whatever the backstory is\u2014there's a big gap there. As evidenced by the Barna \u201cState of the Family Report\u201d that came out last fall. FamilyLife was a co-sponsor on that major study that basically affirmed, Dave and Ann, what Gayla and I have been saying for a decade now; and that is: \u201cThe non-traditional family is the new traditional family,\u201d and \u201cThe church is way behind in terms of how it connects to, supports, and involves ministry on behalf of families in a variety of contexts.\u201d It's a very important matter.\r\n\r\nGayla (03:24):\r\n\r\nWhat I keyed on was the title had the word, \u201cgrace,\u201d in it. When we talk about singles, single-parents, blended families\u2014with the church\u2014grace needs to be a part of that. Oftentimes, it's not. It's easy to feel marginalized within the church when you're in a non-traditional family. We need to feel that grace.\r\n\r\nRon (03:50):\r\n\r\n\u2014instead of judgment?\r\n\r\nGayla: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn (03:51):\r\n\r\nLet me ask you, Gayla, because you were a single mom for a while; and now, blended. When you went to church after you became a single mom, did you feel a little different or ostracized at all?\r\n\r\nGayla (04:05):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. Some of it we bring on ourselves because we know, particularly for me, I had walked through divorce. I know what the Bible says about divorce. You begin to speculate as to what other people around you are thinking; maybe, even what they're saying about you. Automatically, you go into a place of feeling a little perhaps ostracized or, at least, marginalized.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:31):\r\n\r\nMaybe we, as individuals, don't feel that or haven't gone through that. We definitely have friends and family who have faced that, and it's relatable.\r\n\r\nGayla (04:39):\r\n\r\nRight.\r\n\r\nDave (04:39):\r\n\r\nLet's play a little bit of the clip. I'd really love to hear your thoughts; you work every day with people living a similar life to what Anna experienced. Let's hear this clip; and then, I'd love to hear your feedback.\r\n\r\n[Previous Interview with Anna Meade Harris]\r\n\r\nAnn (04:54):\r\n\r\nI'm thinking of you walking in to church the first time, whenever that was, after Jeff had passed away. You're sitting there without him; what'd that feel like?\r\n\r\nAnna (05:07):\r\n\r\nTerrible; I was also the only single mother in the church.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:13):\r\n\r\nOh, did you feel that?\r\n\r\nAnna (05:15):\r\n\r\nOh, yes. Our pastor was so attuned to it; and they really, really looked out for me. I tried the Sunday school classes, and it's just hard. You go in a class and the topic is marriage. You're like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll go to a different class.\u201d I'll go to that class, and everybody's 25 years older than I am. I often found myself going to sit in the church library by myself, which I would have a wonderful time. It was interesting because other people, who didn't feel comfortable in classes, started navigating [there]. We ended up with a class of our own, who are privately thought of as \u201cthe misfits.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave (06:06):\r\n\r\nThey weren't all single parents. They were just\u2014\r\n\r\nAnna (06:08):\r\n\r\nNo; a lot of them were single adults,\u2014but they just didn\u2019t fit\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014somewhere.\r\n\r\nAnna: \u2014people who didn't feel like they had a place to go during the Sunday school hour, so we had our own class; that was wonderful fellowship. \r\n\r\nBut sitting in the actual service, it just hurts when things\u2014sometimes, the announcements\u2014someone would get up to make the announcements. I remember this one so clearly: \u201cThe family retreat is coming up in a couple of weeks, and we've had \r\n\r\n37 couples sign up.\u201d I had been considering going to the family retreat. I was a little bit: \u201cWhere am I going to sleep?\u201d\u2014versus my kids\u2014opposite sex; all that kind of thing. But I heard 37 couples signed up, and I probably\u2014I know I shouldn't have reacted this way\u2014but I thought, \u201cUh-uh, I'm not\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (06:59):\r\n\r\nYou're not going to be the one who\u2019s\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (07:02):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cI\u2019m the misfit again.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnna (07:03):\r\n\r\n\u201cI'm the misfit again: \u2018Where am I going to sit at mealtime?\u2019\u201d And it's not that going and sitting\u2014I'm an adult; I can go sit at a table with a bunch of couples\u2014but it is, frankly, tiring. Everything is a struggle; everything is hard; you're doing everything alone. It would be really nice if church was more aware that everything is a struggle and everything is hard.\r\n\r\nDave (07:28):\r\n\r\nDo you think it's better now than when you were sitting there? \r\n\r\nAnna: [sighs]\r\n\r\nDave: The answer's, \u201cNo\u201d; I'm a pastor; I know. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014based on the sigh. \r\n\r\nDave: That's why I apologize; it's like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I think I had a blind spot.\u201d\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nRon (07:44):\r\n\r\nDave and Ann, as I listen to that, my first response is: \u201cMy heart just aches. I can relate to it\u2014in which, I think a lot of listeners or viewers can relate to something in their life; a time in their life; a season; perhaps, a circumstance\u2014where you felt alone in your experience, sitting in church with a whole bunch of other people. For me, it was going back to church after my 12-year-old son passed away\u2014and just feeling completely isolated\u2014and not knowing who to talk to, or how to engage other people, and not really connecting to what was happening around me. That whole misfit experience, I think, is really real.\r\n\r\nGayla (08:28):\r\n\r\nAnd it's just very isolating. It's so easy to, all of a sudden, feel like, \u201cI don't belong here.\u201d And that's the most dangerous thing\u2014that's not the message a church wants to send\u2014but that's where we go.\r\n\r\nRon (08:41):\r\n\r\nWhat we tell people in our ministry is: \u201cYou've got to go the extra mile to build a bridge that says to people, who might\u2014not everybody feels this way, but they might feel like they're an outsider: \u2018I don't know where I fit,\u2019 \u2018I'm sure if I'm welcomed here,\u2019\u2014all those kind of self-doubt questions that people ask. You go the extra mile to make it really clear that they're welcomed; they belong; they're part of this.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (09:05):\r\n\r\nWhat does that look like, Ron?\r\n\r\nRon (09:07):\r\n\r\nWell, let me give you a very concrete example. As she was talking about the experience of: \u201cOkay; look who's signed up for the family retreat: 37 couples.\u201d Couples equals family\u2014that's the clear message\u2014and she heard it loud and clear. It's like, \u201cOh, then, me, as a single parent, I guess that's not for me; I'm not going.\u201d Well, that may not be what they intended to say, but that's what came out. \r\n\r\nTwenty years ago, when I left full-time church work, the last family retreat that we did\u2014I was the marriage and family pastor\u2014we did a family retreat, in which we specifically said, \u201cThis is family\u2014as in all singles, never-married\u2014you are welcome to come on this retreat. We want all our single parents to come. We've made provision; if there's any cost, we want to help cover that for you. (09:52) We want all of our married couples and families\u2014if you\u2019ve got teenagers; if you're an empty nester\u2014you know what? This is really a church retreat. If you're breathing, you're a part of a family; and we want you to come to this retreat.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd then\u2014oh, by the way, we orchestrated the time\u2014not broken up into: \u201cOkay, single parents, you're over here in this room,\u201d and \u201cFirst-time married couples with children under the age of five, you're in this room,\u201d\u2014we didn't do that at all. We put people together in their class discussions; we put them together in their activities. We made sure we orchestrated togetherness, because that's what the church's intended to do. We have to be intentional about orchestrating those sorts of bridges of grace to one another so people know they belong, feel welcomed and want to be a part.\r\n\r\nDave (10:38):\r\n\r\nSome churches don't say things like that from the stage. Why do you think that's true?\r\n\r\nGayla (10:44):\r\n\r\nWell, I think it's just simply that they don't know. But here's where the reality is, Dave: those of us, who are in non-traditional families, then we need to be the one to speak up. I've gone to my pastor after Mother's Day, and said, \u201cPlease don't ask mothers to stand up on Mother's Day, because stepmom's don't know what to do.\u201d We have to take initiative to go to those in leadership, and say, \u201cPlease start talking language that can relate to everyone.\u201d My pastor was happy to change their language; it's just a matter of they needed help being educated.\r\n\r\nRon (11:20):\r\n\r\nBack to your question, I don't know exactly. I think it depends\u2014church to church, pastor to pastor, what the reasons are\u2014but I do think, sometimes, we're so cautious about not offending people that we end up doing nothing. I think it can have the opposite intended effect; we inadvertently alienate when we really want to try to create openness. Really, pastors have big hearts; we're not knocking pastors. You want to be the church\u2014you want to be reaching out\u2014but you have to go the extra mile. \r\n\r\nLet me give you an example: recently, I've run into a situation, consulting with some churches about marriage and family ministry, where they say: \u201cOh, no; we don't bring up things like we don't do couples events,\u201d \u201cWe don't do special things on Mother's Day or Father's Day, because not everybody's a mother; because not everybody's married, and we don't want the singles to feel left out; so we don't do marriage events at all.\u201d \r\n\r\nI'm like, \u201cWhoa, okay, hold on. Everybody's thinking about relationships, whether they're married or not married. Someday, they might be in one; or maybe, they were in one and they're still trying to process where they were. I think what you do is you just go out of your way to say to people: \u2018You're welcome to be a part of this. This thing might not pertain to your family; but in two months, we're doing a thing that for you that does.\u2019\u201d Instead of being afraid, and doing nothing, I think we need to be proactive and invite and welcome everyone.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:45):\r\n\r\nGayla, let me ask you: \u201cCould you coach us?\u201d Because I know that Dave has had people approach him, as a pastor, saying, \u201cHey, I feel like you're missing us.\u201d Coach people on how they could say something. I guarantee so many have felt that label of being a misfit\u2014or not sure; maybe you're thinking, \u201cI'm just attending; I'm nobody. I'm not going to go bother the pastor,\u201d\u2014but how would you approach a pastor if you feel like, \u201cYeah, I feel like we're missing this in the church\u201d?\r\n\r\nDave (13:16):\r\n\r\nAnd this wouldn't just be for pastors. This advice would be for anybody. We can miss it in our neighborhood or in our small group. You don't have to be a pastor to not know how to include.\r\n\r\nGayla (13:29):\r\n\r\nYeah, I think you always want to start with some kind of gratitude, though, to make sure that they don't feel like we're just dogging on them. For instance, with my pastor, I said: \u201cThank you for wanting to recognize moms. Can we extend it a little bit and also realize that we've got adoptive moms; we've got foster moms; we've got stepmoms; we've got grieving moms\u2014we've got all kinds of moms\u2014let's just extend our language to a larger audience.\u201d That speaks volumes. But we just need to be careful that they don't feel like, \u201cWell, I am never going to get it right; so I'm just going to avoid it all together,\u201d\u2014which is what Ron is saying. It's a matter of giving them some language that can help.\r\n\r\nRon (14:09):\r\n\r\nGuys, let me jump in here. I think, sometimes, pastors just don't realize the numbers. One of the things we found in the Barna study\u2014we know blended families are a large percentage\u2014but did you know that, in the Christian community today\u2014listen to these numbers from the recent study that we helped co-sponsor\u2014more than a quarter, \r\n\r\n28 percent, of all parents are single parents; 28 percent. That has more than doubled since 1950. The family has changed. The typical structure is very different in the average church than it was.\r\n\r\nBut listen to this: if you drill down, and you go, \u201cOkay, of parents who have children under the age of 18\u2014so they're really in the child-rearing years\u2014the number goes up to 41 percent are single parents. We cannot\u2014\r\n\r\nGayla: \u2014ignore that.\r\n\r\nRon (14:56):\r\n\r\nWe cannot ignore that. I've used this example before: if somebody walked into your church, and said, \u201cWell, we don't know what just happened; but half your church went blind. You can't just hand out regular Bibles anymore. You're going to figure out\u2026\u201d We would go way out of our way to get Braille Bibles available for everybody who needs the word of God. Forty-one percent is a big number when you're talking about parents raising children; that's just reality. \r\n\r\nAgain, I always say, \u201cPeople, if that's not the composition of your church, it is the composition of your community around your church. So if you have any sort of outreach mentality,\u201d\u2014which I hope you do\u2014\"you're going to go; we need to be relevant fast. We need to figure out ways of saying, \u2018You're not a misfit. This is your home; this is where you belong.\u2019\u201d Or rather: \u201cWe're all spiritual misfits. We're all bathing in the blood of Christ and enjoying His grace. Come join the party; you belong here.\u201d That message is so important and powerful.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:01):\r\n\r\nYou're listening to FamilyLife Today. I'm Ann Wilson. And before we continue with our conversation, I just want to remind listeners: we know life is full of challenges, and families today need biblical truth more than ever. Isn't that true?\r\n\r\nDave (16:15):\r\n\r\nThat is true.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:17):\r\n\r\nAnd as a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources.\r\n\r\nDave (16:26):\r\n\r\nSo let's make a lasting difference together. Become a Partner today. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the \u201cDonate\u201d button.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:38):\r\n\r\nRon, help us\u2014and you, too, Gayla\u2014how can we, as a church, what could this look like? In that library, suddenly, you have a lot of blended, single; should there be classes? What can we be doing that would be different?\r\n\r\nRon (16:54):\r\n\r\nGuys, I got so many thoughts about that. Let me just hit a couple of them. \r\n\r\nFirst of all, think over your entire church calendar year, you're not saying: \u201cWe'll never do a marriage thing, and drill down into the grind of marriage; because it doesn\u2019t include everybody,\u201d\u2014no, no, no. Couples need that; they absolutely need that. But then, so do single parents need somebody to drill down into that experience of being an alone parent in your home, and everything's on your shoulders, like: finances, and decision-making, and all that kind of stuff. They need that. It's over the course of the year: \u201cWe're going to try to minister to this group, and this group, and this group.\u201d \r\n\r\nBut here's the thing that I think we need to ponder; and maybe, shift in how we do church. For years, we sort of said \u201caffinity groups\u201d: \u201cLet's put the married young couples over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the marrieds, with teenagers, over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the single parents over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the singles in a singles group,\u201d and \u201cWell, if you're college age, that's different than a 20-something or early 30-something.\u201d We divided everybody up. That sort of worked, I think, in church life. I think maybe it worked because we had a larger group of married couples raising kids; and then, everybody else was sort of a smaller little [group]. I don't think that's the composition of churches anymore.\r\n\r\n(18:14) I think the strategy needs to shift. I think we ought to give people opportunities\u2014for example, in small groups or Sunday school classes, to be with lots of different kinds of people\u2014let me tell you: single parents have something to say to married couples, like: \u201cYou couples complain a lot about each other. You need to learn some gratitude for the person that you get to lie in bed with every night, and talk about life, and make decisions\u201d; \u201cI don't get that.\u201d There's a perspective that everybody has to share, where iron sharpens iron. \r\n\r\nYou got single adults sitting in a room with couples. Everybody's learning how to put on self-control\u2014about single sexuality, about married sexuality\u2014there's a commonality there we don't need to avoid. I think we need to learn from each other and be in relationship with each other. I actually think that will help close the gap for single parents, who maybe have financial issues; and they feel unseen or they don't feel like they belong. Mixing\u2014no more affinity division\u2014but more of a collaboration, maybe, is a way to say it.\r\n\r\nAnn (19:16):\r\n\r\nSo Ron, are you saying, \u201cDon't hide out in the library\u201d?\r\n\r\nRon (19:18):\r\n\r\nThat is what I'm saying. I want to say something about that\u2014here's what I would say about that\u2014if your church is not doing anything to minister to where you are, go rogue, just like Anna did. She went rogue; they created their own thing. Guess what? You can get it done. You don't have to always wait on permission to become a church on the move; if you will, a group of people on the move. Hopefully, you could work within your church structure; that would be the most ideal thing, because more people will be blessed by it then.\r\n\r\nGayla (19:48):\r\n\r\nYeah, that's what I was going to say. There's not a one-size-fits-all, because every church has a different structure. I do think that we need to be sensitive to: \u201cDo you have small groups that meet at a certain time?\u201d We've always said: \u201cFor blended family couples and single parents, you need childcare if at all possible. If you want these people to attend\u2014and it's a Wednesday night, but there's no childcare\u2014you might've missed the mark right there.\u201d\r\n\r\nRon (20:11):\r\n\r\nGuys, let me just add this to our conversation today; I think this needs to be said. Let's jump around the other side. There may be somebody listening with a little hesitation: \u201cI don't know about the single parent thing,\u201d or \u201cWe help people in that situation; we might end up with a whole lot more single parents; because somehow, we're giving permission to that.\u201d No, no, no, no, no, no; what we're doing in the church is redeeming the transitions that are hard for people that make or break their spiritual walk with the Lord. We all know single-parent families attend church at a far lower rate than anybody else. Why? Because you're hurting; you're struggling; it's hard. You're wrestling through stuff; you're not sure you belong anyway. You feel like a misfit.\r\n\r\nAnn: You\u2019re exhausted.\r\n\r\n(20:57):\r\n\r\nRon: It's just easier not to go! Exactly; all of those things. So instead of that dynamic, we're making room for people, and we're saying, \u201cWe're not blessing sin,\u201d\u2014never, ever, ever. All of this stuff we're talking about today is coupled with good biblical teaching on following God in obedience; and \u201cHere's what He has in store for us\u2026\u201d \u201cHere's the ideal; here's what we're moving towards\u201d; and yet, \u201cThe real is: life is hard and difficult. We're going to get in the trenches with one another,\u201d\u2014that's church. \r\n\r\nI think, within a generation, we're reversing the trends. Instead of having more of this, or that, or the other thing, we're having more and more people who are walking with God; and children who are growing up in homes, where they feel like they are loved in the body of Christ. That's how lives get changed.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:36):\r\n\r\nI'm wondering, you guys, if you could just close by exactly what you're saying, Ron. I think there's a lot of shame involved\u2014if you've been through a divorce; if you've\u2014there's just feelings of feeling inadequate; or maybe, \u201cI feel like I failed,\u201d or \u201cI've been betrayed.\u201d Can you just talk to those individuals as we close, of just reminding them of how God sees them?\r\n\r\nGayla (21:58):\r\n\r\nI think about what you have often said: \u201cThere are no second-class citizens. We're all first-class citizens in need of a cross. We are all full of sin. We all are striving for living life as God would call us to, but we're not going to get it right.\u201d And the more that we allow others to see that part of our heart that is broken, the more that we can minister and come together in the body of Christ. I think a lot of it is just transparency, vulnerability, letting your guard down. It's okay that you're broken, because somebody else is broken, too, in a different way. Just don't hide it.\r\n\r\nRon (22:40):\r\n\r\nYeah, that's it; at the foot of the cross, the ground is level. Nobody is elevated up towards Jesus more than somebody else. We're all the same. And that perspective is very important for people who, from the outside, look really good. They need to remember a humility about their world and their life and that they need the blood of Jesus just like anybody else. Your sin may not be that person's sin, but it's sin. And that's me; that's you. That's all of us. As long as we keep that perspective, then we're going to be open to people; we're going to say, \u201cYou're in a time of need; you belong here.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (23:20):\r\n\r\n\u201cGod loves you; He's with you.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (23:23):\r\n\r\nYeah. I think, as you've already said, I think we need to always remember: they're going to feel that mostly from us, the people in the pews\u2014not just the pastor or the church\u2014but the people of the church: \u201cWhat do they feel like?\u201d Gayla said it earlier, the title of the book is Grace: \u201cAre they feeling judgment?\u201d \u201cAre they feeling grace?\u201d If we want them to know what Jesus thinks, it's got to be resembled in how we look, and say, and treat them. \r\n\r\nSpeaking of extending grace to blended families, do you have anything going on, ministry-wise, for blendeds?\r\n\r\nRon (23:58):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah. Gayla and I will both be a part of our next Blended &amp;amp; Blessed\u00ae that happens every spring. It'll be April 18 this year; we'll be in Oklahoma City. And get this punchline: it's free! If you're in person, you got a little fee; so you can buy lunch, $10. But if you're online, the virtual version of Blended &amp;amp; Blessed, which means a livestream, worldwide, anybody can participate anywhere. Churches can host it and put a bunch of people in the room for free. \r\n\r\nDave: Wow. \r\n\r\nRon: This is the best it's ever been, and we're so excited to be able to offer that to churches and to couples. You can get the link for Blended &amp;amp; Blessed: just click the show notes, and it'll get you connected.\r\n\r\nDave (24:39):\r\n\r\nThat's at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:47):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1781106353;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg",1024,1024,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ron Deal and author Gayla Grace explore the pain of exclusion, sharing practical, gospel-centered strategies for how churches can include single parents.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Find Ron and Nan's book, \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-mindful-marriage-create-your-best-relationship-through-understanding-and-managing-yourself\">The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself<\/a>\" in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Join us for our yearly Blended and Blessed event, go to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blendedandblessed.com\/\">blendedandblessed.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more blended resources at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylifeblended\/blended-families\/\">familylife.com\/blended<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-01-27.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nHow Churches Can Include Single Parents\r\n\r\nGuests:Anna Meade Harris, Ron Deal, and Gayla Grace\r\n\r\nFrom the series:How Churches Can Include Single Parents (Day 1 of 1)\r\n\r\nAir date:January 27, 2026\r\n\r\nRon (00:04):\r\n\r\nHere's the thing that I think we need to ponder and, maybe, shift in how we do church. For years, we sort of said: \u201cLet's put the married young couples over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the married, with teenagers, over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the single parents over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the singles in a singles group.\u201d We divided everybody up. I think the strategy needs to shift. I think we ought to give people opportunities, for example, in small groups or Sunday school classes to be with lots of different kinds of people.\r\n\r\nAnn (00:41):\r\n\r\nWelcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave (00:48):\r\n\r\nAnd I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nDave: Alright; it's a fun day!\r\n\r\nAnn (01:02):\r\n\r\nIt's a fun day. You know why?\r\n\r\nDave (01:04):\r\n\r\nWell, I want to know what you think a fun day is.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:06):\r\n\r\nIt's having Ron Deal and Gayla Grace with us. That makes a really good day.\r\n\r\nDave (01:10):\r\n\r\nThat's what I was thinking, too.\r\n\r\nAnn (01:11):\r\n\r\nWere you?\r\n\r\nDave (01:12):\r\n\r\nYeah. I wonder if they're thinking it's a fun day. What do you guys think, Ron and Gayla?\r\n\r\nGayla (01:17):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely; it's a fun day, Dave. \r\n\r\nDave: What else are you going to say? \r\n\r\nRon (01:20):\r\n\r\nIt will be interesting, for sure. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2026\u201dinteresting\u201d; that's a good word.\r\n\r\nDave (01:24):\r\n\r\nYeah. Well, for those of you who don't know; which means, I don't know where you've been hiding; because everybody knows that Ron and Gayla lead our blended ministry, here, at FamilyLife. We love having you guys on. Again, I don't know if you love having us on; but it doesn't matter, because we're hosting you today. \r\n\r\nHonestly, we want to get your feedback on a show\/a broadcast we did recently with Anna Meade Harris, who wrote a book about being a single mom and how that is sort of received by the local church. Her book was called God's Grace for Every Family: Biblical Encouragement for Single-Parent Families and the Churches That Seek to Love Them Well. \r\n\r\nFirst of all, when you hear that, what are your first thoughts about churches and single parents or blended families?\r\n\r\nAnn (02:18):\r\n\r\n\u2014or singles?\r\n\r\nRon (02:19):\r\n\r\nYeah, my first thought is, \u201cAbsolutely; I'm so glad she wrote that book.\u201d For a long time, I've said, \u201cSingle-parent ministry and stepfamily ministry are cousins. They are close cousins because it's one phase that leads to another phase in people's worlds and lives. Blended families often have children who move between their home and a single-parent home. The gap between what the church is able to do\u2014and how it responds to singles, single-parents, divorced, widowed, never-married, whatever the backstory is\u2014there's a big gap there. As evidenced by the Barna \u201cState of the Family Report\u201d that came out last fall. FamilyLife was a co-sponsor on that major study that basically affirmed, Dave and Ann, what Gayla and I have been saying for a decade now; and that is: \u201cThe non-traditional family is the new traditional family,\u201d and \u201cThe church is way behind in terms of how it connects to, supports, and involves ministry on behalf of families in a variety of contexts.\u201d It's a very important matter.\r\n\r\nGayla (03:24):\r\n\r\nWhat I keyed on was the title had the word, \u201cgrace,\u201d in it. When we talk about singles, single-parents, blended families\u2014with the church\u2014grace needs to be a part of that. Oftentimes, it's not. It's easy to feel marginalized within the church when you're in a non-traditional family. We need to feel that grace.\r\n\r\nRon (03:50):\r\n\r\n\u2014instead of judgment?\r\n\r\nGayla: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn (03:51):\r\n\r\nLet me ask you, Gayla, because you were a single mom for a while; and now, blended. When you went to church after you became a single mom, did you feel a little different or ostracized at all?\r\n\r\nGayla (04:05):\r\n\r\nAbsolutely. Some of it we bring on ourselves because we know, particularly for me, I had walked through divorce. I know what the Bible says about divorce. You begin to speculate as to what other people around you are thinking; maybe, even what they're saying about you. Automatically, you go into a place of feeling a little perhaps ostracized or, at least, marginalized.\r\n\r\nAnn (04:31):\r\n\r\nMaybe we, as individuals, don't feel that or haven't gone through that. We definitely have friends and family who have faced that, and it's relatable.\r\n\r\nGayla (04:39):\r\n\r\nRight.\r\n\r\nDave (04:39):\r\n\r\nLet's play a little bit of the clip. I'd really love to hear your thoughts; you work every day with people living a similar life to what Anna experienced. Let's hear this clip; and then, I'd love to hear your feedback.\r\n\r\n[Previous Interview with Anna Meade Harris]\r\n\r\nAnn (04:54):\r\n\r\nI'm thinking of you walking in to church the first time, whenever that was, after Jeff had passed away. You're sitting there without him; what'd that feel like?\r\n\r\nAnna (05:07):\r\n\r\nTerrible; I was also the only single mother in the church.\r\n\r\nAnn (05:13):\r\n\r\nOh, did you feel that?\r\n\r\nAnna (05:15):\r\n\r\nOh, yes. Our pastor was so attuned to it; and they really, really looked out for me. I tried the Sunday school classes, and it's just hard. You go in a class and the topic is marriage. You're like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll go to a different class.\u201d I'll go to that class, and everybody's 25 years older than I am. I often found myself going to sit in the church library by myself, which I would have a wonderful time. It was interesting because other people, who didn't feel comfortable in classes, started navigating [there]. We ended up with a class of our own, who are privately thought of as \u201cthe misfits.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave (06:06):\r\n\r\nThey weren't all single parents. They were just\u2014\r\n\r\nAnna (06:08):\r\n\r\nNo; a lot of them were single adults,\u2014but they just didn\u2019t fit\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014somewhere.\r\n\r\nAnna: \u2014people who didn't feel like they had a place to go during the Sunday school hour, so we had our own class; that was wonderful fellowship. \r\n\r\nBut sitting in the actual service, it just hurts when things\u2014sometimes, the announcements\u2014someone would get up to make the announcements. I remember this one so clearly: \u201cThe family retreat is coming up in a couple of weeks, and we've had \r\n\r\n37 couples sign up.\u201d I had been considering going to the family retreat. I was a little bit: \u201cWhere am I going to sleep?\u201d\u2014versus my kids\u2014opposite sex; all that kind of thing. But I heard 37 couples signed up, and I probably\u2014I know I shouldn't have reacted this way\u2014but I thought, \u201cUh-uh, I'm not\u2014\r\n\r\nDave (06:59):\r\n\r\nYou're not going to be the one who\u2019s\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn (07:02):\r\n\r\n\u2014\u201cI\u2019m the misfit again.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnna (07:03):\r\n\r\n\u201cI'm the misfit again: \u2018Where am I going to sit at mealtime?\u2019\u201d And it's not that going and sitting\u2014I'm an adult; I can go sit at a table with a bunch of couples\u2014but it is, frankly, tiring. Everything is a struggle; everything is hard; you're doing everything alone. It would be really nice if church was more aware that everything is a struggle and everything is hard.\r\n\r\nDave (07:28):\r\n\r\nDo you think it's better now than when you were sitting there? \r\n\r\nAnna: [sighs]\r\n\r\nDave: The answer's, \u201cNo\u201d; I'm a pastor; I know. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014based on the sigh. \r\n\r\nDave: That's why I apologize; it's like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I think I had a blind spot.\u201d\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nRon (07:44):\r\n\r\nDave and Ann, as I listen to that, my first response is: \u201cMy heart just aches. I can relate to it\u2014in which, I think a lot of listeners or viewers can relate to something in their life; a time in their life; a season; perhaps, a circumstance\u2014where you felt alone in your experience, sitting in church with a whole bunch of other people. For me, it was going back to church after my 12-year-old son passed away\u2014and just feeling completely isolated\u2014and not knowing who to talk to, or how to engage other people, and not really connecting to what was happening around me. That whole misfit experience, I think, is really real.\r\n\r\nGayla (08:28):\r\n\r\nAnd it's just very isolating. It's so easy to, all of a sudden, feel like, \u201cI don't belong here.\u201d And that's the most dangerous thing\u2014that's not the message a church wants to send\u2014but that's where we go.\r\n\r\nRon (08:41):\r\n\r\nWhat we tell people in our ministry is: \u201cYou've got to go the extra mile to build a bridge that says to people, who might\u2014not everybody feels this way, but they might feel like they're an outsider: \u2018I don't know where I fit,\u2019 \u2018I'm sure if I'm welcomed here,\u2019\u2014all those kind of self-doubt questions that people ask. You go the extra mile to make it really clear that they're welcomed; they belong; they're part of this.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (09:05):\r\n\r\nWhat does that look like, Ron?\r\n\r\nRon (09:07):\r\n\r\nWell, let me give you a very concrete example. As she was talking about the experience of: \u201cOkay; look who's signed up for the family retreat: 37 couples.\u201d Couples equals family\u2014that's the clear message\u2014and she heard it loud and clear. It's like, \u201cOh, then, me, as a single parent, I guess that's not for me; I'm not going.\u201d Well, that may not be what they intended to say, but that's what came out. \r\n\r\nTwenty years ago, when I left full-time church work, the last family retreat that we did\u2014I was the marriage and family pastor\u2014we did a family retreat, in which we specifically said, \u201cThis is family\u2014as in all singles, never-married\u2014you are welcome to come on this retreat. We want all our single parents to come. We've made provision; if there's any cost, we want to help cover that for you. (09:52) We want all of our married couples and families\u2014if you\u2019ve got teenagers; if you're an empty nester\u2014you know what? This is really a church retreat. If you're breathing, you're a part of a family; and we want you to come to this retreat.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd then\u2014oh, by the way, we orchestrated the time\u2014not broken up into: \u201cOkay, single parents, you're over here in this room,\u201d and \u201cFirst-time married couples with children under the age of five, you're in this room,\u201d\u2014we didn't do that at all. We put people together in their class discussions; we put them together in their activities. We made sure we orchestrated togetherness, because that's what the church's intended to do. We have to be intentional about orchestrating those sorts of bridges of grace to one another so people know they belong, feel welcomed and want to be a part.\r\n\r\nDave (10:38):\r\n\r\nSome churches don't say things like that from the stage. Why do you think that's true?\r\n\r\nGayla (10:44):\r\n\r\nWell, I think it's just simply that they don't know. But here's where the reality is, Dave: those of us, who are in non-traditional families, then we need to be the one to speak up. I've gone to my pastor after Mother's Day, and said, \u201cPlease don't ask mothers to stand up on Mother's Day, because stepmom's don't know what to do.\u201d We have to take initiative to go to those in leadership, and say, \u201cPlease start talking language that can relate to everyone.\u201d My pastor was happy to change their language; it's just a matter of they needed help being educated.\r\n\r\nRon (11:20):\r\n\r\nBack to your question, I don't know exactly. I think it depends\u2014church to church, pastor to pastor, what the reasons are\u2014but I do think, sometimes, we're so cautious about not offending people that we end up doing nothing. I think it can have the opposite intended effect; we inadvertently alienate when we really want to try to create openness. Really, pastors have big hearts; we're not knocking pastors. You want to be the church\u2014you want to be reaching out\u2014but you have to go the extra mile. \r\n\r\nLet me give you an example: recently, I've run into a situation, consulting with some churches about marriage and family ministry, where they say: \u201cOh, no; we don't bring up things like we don't do couples events,\u201d \u201cWe don't do special things on Mother's Day or Father's Day, because not everybody's a mother; because not everybody's married, and we don't want the singles to feel left out; so we don't do marriage events at all.\u201d \r\n\r\nI'm like, \u201cWhoa, okay, hold on. Everybody's thinking about relationships, whether they're married or not married. Someday, they might be in one; or maybe, they were in one and they're still trying to process where they were. I think what you do is you just go out of your way to say to people: \u2018You're welcome to be a part of this. This thing might not pertain to your family; but in two months, we're doing a thing that for you that does.\u2019\u201d Instead of being afraid, and doing nothing, I think we need to be proactive and invite and welcome everyone.\r\n\r\nAnn (12:45):\r\n\r\nGayla, let me ask you: \u201cCould you coach us?\u201d Because I know that Dave has had people approach him, as a pastor, saying, \u201cHey, I feel like you're missing us.\u201d Coach people on how they could say something. I guarantee so many have felt that label of being a misfit\u2014or not sure; maybe you're thinking, \u201cI'm just attending; I'm nobody. I'm not going to go bother the pastor,\u201d\u2014but how would you approach a pastor if you feel like, \u201cYeah, I feel like we're missing this in the church\u201d?\r\n\r\nDave (13:16):\r\n\r\nAnd this wouldn't just be for pastors. This advice would be for anybody. We can miss it in our neighborhood or in our small group. You don't have to be a pastor to not know how to include.\r\n\r\nGayla (13:29):\r\n\r\nYeah, I think you always want to start with some kind of gratitude, though, to make sure that they don't feel like we're just dogging on them. For instance, with my pastor, I said: \u201cThank you for wanting to recognize moms. Can we extend it a little bit and also realize that we've got adoptive moms; we've got foster moms; we've got stepmoms; we've got grieving moms\u2014we've got all kinds of moms\u2014let's just extend our language to a larger audience.\u201d That speaks volumes. But we just need to be careful that they don't feel like, \u201cWell, I am never going to get it right; so I'm just going to avoid it all together,\u201d\u2014which is what Ron is saying. It's a matter of giving them some language that can help.\r\n\r\nRon (14:09):\r\n\r\nGuys, let me jump in here. I think, sometimes, pastors just don't realize the numbers. One of the things we found in the Barna study\u2014we know blended families are a large percentage\u2014but did you know that, in the Christian community today\u2014listen to these numbers from the recent study that we helped co-sponsor\u2014more than a quarter, \r\n\r\n28 percent, of all parents are single parents; 28 percent. That has more than doubled since 1950. The family has changed. The typical structure is very different in the average church than it was.\r\n\r\nBut listen to this: if you drill down, and you go, \u201cOkay, of parents who have children under the age of 18\u2014so they're really in the child-rearing years\u2014the number goes up to 41 percent are single parents. We cannot\u2014\r\n\r\nGayla: \u2014ignore that.\r\n\r\nRon (14:56):\r\n\r\nWe cannot ignore that. I've used this example before: if somebody walked into your church, and said, \u201cWell, we don't know what just happened; but half your church went blind. You can't just hand out regular Bibles anymore. You're going to figure out\u2026\u201d We would go way out of our way to get Braille Bibles available for everybody who needs the word of God. Forty-one percent is a big number when you're talking about parents raising children; that's just reality. \r\n\r\nAgain, I always say, \u201cPeople, if that's not the composition of your church, it is the composition of your community around your church. So if you have any sort of outreach mentality,\u201d\u2014which I hope you do\u2014\"you're going to go; we need to be relevant fast. We need to figure out ways of saying, \u2018You're not a misfit. This is your home; this is where you belong.\u2019\u201d Or rather: \u201cWe're all spiritual misfits. We're all bathing in the blood of Christ and enjoying His grace. Come join the party; you belong here.\u201d That message is so important and powerful.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:01):\r\n\r\nYou're listening to FamilyLife Today. I'm Ann Wilson. And before we continue with our conversation, I just want to remind listeners: we know life is full of challenges, and families today need biblical truth more than ever. Isn't that true?\r\n\r\nDave (16:15):\r\n\r\nThat is true.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:17):\r\n\r\nAnd as a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources.\r\n\r\nDave (16:26):\r\n\r\nSo let's make a lasting difference together. Become a Partner today. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the \u201cDonate\u201d button.\r\n\r\nAnn (16:38):\r\n\r\nRon, help us\u2014and you, too, Gayla\u2014how can we, as a church, what could this look like? In that library, suddenly, you have a lot of blended, single; should there be classes? What can we be doing that would be different?\r\n\r\nRon (16:54):\r\n\r\nGuys, I got so many thoughts about that. Let me just hit a couple of them. \r\n\r\nFirst of all, think over your entire church calendar year, you're not saying: \u201cWe'll never do a marriage thing, and drill down into the grind of marriage; because it doesn\u2019t include everybody,\u201d\u2014no, no, no. Couples need that; they absolutely need that. But then, so do single parents need somebody to drill down into that experience of being an alone parent in your home, and everything's on your shoulders, like: finances, and decision-making, and all that kind of stuff. They need that. It's over the course of the year: \u201cWe're going to try to minister to this group, and this group, and this group.\u201d \r\n\r\nBut here's the thing that I think we need to ponder; and maybe, shift in how we do church. For years, we sort of said \u201caffinity groups\u201d: \u201cLet's put the married young couples over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the marrieds, with teenagers, over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the single parents over here,\u201d \u201cLet's put the singles in a singles group,\u201d and \u201cWell, if you're college age, that's different than a 20-something or early 30-something.\u201d We divided everybody up. That sort of worked, I think, in church life. I think maybe it worked because we had a larger group of married couples raising kids; and then, everybody else was sort of a smaller little [group]. I don't think that's the composition of churches anymore.\r\n\r\n(18:14) I think the strategy needs to shift. I think we ought to give people opportunities\u2014for example, in small groups or Sunday school classes, to be with lots of different kinds of people\u2014let me tell you: single parents have something to say to married couples, like: \u201cYou couples complain a lot about each other. You need to learn some gratitude for the person that you get to lie in bed with every night, and talk about life, and make decisions\u201d; \u201cI don't get that.\u201d There's a perspective that everybody has to share, where iron sharpens iron. \r\n\r\nYou got single adults sitting in a room with couples. Everybody's learning how to put on self-control\u2014about single sexuality, about married sexuality\u2014there's a commonality there we don't need to avoid. I think we need to learn from each other and be in relationship with each other. I actually think that will help close the gap for single parents, who maybe have financial issues; and they feel unseen or they don't feel like they belong. Mixing\u2014no more affinity division\u2014but more of a collaboration, maybe, is a way to say it.\r\n\r\nAnn (19:16):\r\n\r\nSo Ron, are you saying, \u201cDon't hide out in the library\u201d?\r\n\r\nRon (19:18):\r\n\r\nThat is what I'm saying. I want to say something about that\u2014here's what I would say about that\u2014if your church is not doing anything to minister to where you are, go rogue, just like Anna did. She went rogue; they created their own thing. Guess what? You can get it done. You don't have to always wait on permission to become a church on the move; if you will, a group of people on the move. Hopefully, you could work within your church structure; that would be the most ideal thing, because more people will be blessed by it then.\r\n\r\nGayla (19:48):\r\n\r\nYeah, that's what I was going to say. There's not a one-size-fits-all, because every church has a different structure. I do think that we need to be sensitive to: \u201cDo you have small groups that meet at a certain time?\u201d We've always said: \u201cFor blended family couples and single parents, you need childcare if at all possible. If you want these people to attend\u2014and it's a Wednesday night, but there's no childcare\u2014you might've missed the mark right there.\u201d\r\n\r\nRon (20:11):\r\n\r\nGuys, let me just add this to our conversation today; I think this needs to be said. Let's jump around the other side. There may be somebody listening with a little hesitation: \u201cI don't know about the single parent thing,\u201d or \u201cWe help people in that situation; we might end up with a whole lot more single parents; because somehow, we're giving permission to that.\u201d No, no, no, no, no, no; what we're doing in the church is redeeming the transitions that are hard for people that make or break their spiritual walk with the Lord. We all know single-parent families attend church at a far lower rate than anybody else. Why? Because you're hurting; you're struggling; it's hard. You're wrestling through stuff; you're not sure you belong anyway. You feel like a misfit.\r\n\r\nAnn: You\u2019re exhausted.\r\n\r\n(20:57):\r\n\r\nRon: It's just easier not to go! Exactly; all of those things. So instead of that dynamic, we're making room for people, and we're saying, \u201cWe're not blessing sin,\u201d\u2014never, ever, ever. All of this stuff we're talking about today is coupled with good biblical teaching on following God in obedience; and \u201cHere's what He has in store for us\u2026\u201d \u201cHere's the ideal; here's what we're moving towards\u201d; and yet, \u201cThe real is: life is hard and difficult. We're going to get in the trenches with one another,\u201d\u2014that's church. \r\n\r\nI think, within a generation, we're reversing the trends. Instead of having more of this, or that, or the other thing, we're having more and more people who are walking with God; and children who are growing up in homes, where they feel like they are loved in the body of Christ. That's how lives get changed.\r\n\r\nAnn (21:36):\r\n\r\nI'm wondering, you guys, if you could just close by exactly what you're saying, Ron. I think there's a lot of shame involved\u2014if you've been through a divorce; if you've\u2014there's just feelings of feeling inadequate; or maybe, \u201cI feel like I failed,\u201d or \u201cI've been betrayed.\u201d Can you just talk to those individuals as we close, of just reminding them of how God sees them?\r\n\r\nGayla (21:58):\r\n\r\nI think about what you have often said: \u201cThere are no second-class citizens. We're all first-class citizens in need of a cross. We are all full of sin. We all are striving for living life as God would call us to, but we're not going to get it right.\u201d And the more that we allow others to see that part of our heart that is broken, the more that we can minister and come together in the body of Christ. I think a lot of it is just transparency, vulnerability, letting your guard down. It's okay that you're broken, because somebody else is broken, too, in a different way. Just don't hide it.\r\n\r\nRon (22:40):\r\n\r\nYeah, that's it; at the foot of the cross, the ground is level. Nobody is elevated up towards Jesus more than somebody else. We're all the same. And that perspective is very important for people who, from the outside, look really good. They need to remember a humility about their world and their life and that they need the blood of Jesus just like anybody else. Your sin may not be that person's sin, but it's sin. And that's me; that's you. That's all of us. As long as we keep that perspective, then we're going to be open to people; we're going to say, \u201cYou're in a time of need; you belong here.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn (23:20):\r\n\r\n\u201cGod loves you; He's with you.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave (23:23):\r\n\r\nYeah. I think, as you've already said, I think we need to always remember: they're going to feel that mostly from us, the people in the pews\u2014not just the pastor or the church\u2014but the people of the church: \u201cWhat do they feel like?\u201d Gayla said it earlier, the title of the book is Grace: \u201cAre they feeling judgment?\u201d \u201cAre they feeling grace?\u201d If we want them to know what Jesus thinks, it's got to be resembled in how we look, and say, and treat them. \r\n\r\nSpeaking of extending grace to blended families, do you have anything going on, ministry-wise, for blendeds?\r\n\r\nRon (23:58):\r\n\r\nOh, yeah. Gayla and I will both be a part of our next Blended &amp;amp; Blessed\u00ae that happens every spring. It'll be April 18 this year; we'll be in Oklahoma City. And get this punchline: it's free! If you're in person, you got a little fee; so you can buy lunch, $10. But if you're online, the virtual version of Blended &amp;amp; Blessed, which means a livestream, worldwide, anybody can participate anywhere. Churches can host it and put a bunch of people in the room for free. \r\n\r\nDave: Wow. \r\n\r\nRon: This is the best it's ever been, and we're so excited to be able to offer that to churches and to couples. You can get the link for Blended &amp;amp; Blessed: just click the show notes, and it'll get you connected.\r\n\r\nDave (24:39):\r\n\r\nThat's at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn (24:47):\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?\r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/317536","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317536"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317536"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317536"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317536"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=317536"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=317536"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=317536"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}