{"id":317499,"date":"2026-01-21T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-21T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd\/"},"modified":"2026-01-22T12:29:34","modified_gmt":"2026-01-22T17:29:34","slug":"how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Lead Your Wife: Rechab Gray &amp; Ike Todd"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Men, you\u2019ve heard \u201clead your wife.\u201d But what if you missed the assignment? Dave Wilson sits down with pastors Ike Todd and Rechab Gray for a no-posturing, men-only gut check on Ephesians 5:23 and surrounding verses. This isn\u2019t chest-thumping leadership talk\u2014it\u2019s about cherishing, nourishing, repenting, and loving like Jesus actually does. Expect laughs, holy conviction, and practical shifts that make submission safer, lighter, and\u2014yes\u2014happier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ike Todd and Rechab Gray give a no-posturing, men-only gut check on Ephesians 5:23<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":295627,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/7c995067-ffe2-4bea-ab8c-b3d3010ba2c9\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"23.43M","filesize_raw":"24568831","date_recorded":"2026-01-21 08:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2901],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[11235],"cwp_profile":[11236,9810],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-317499","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-husbands","podcast_series-how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd","cwp_profile-ike-todd","cwp_profile-rechab-gray","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/317499\/how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/317499\/how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Kp1MxUezZ9\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd\/\">How to Lead Your Wife: Rechab Gray &amp; Ike Todd<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-lead-your-wife-rechab-gray-ike-todd\/embed\/#?secret=Kp1MxUezZ9\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Lead Your Wife: Rechab Gray &amp; Ike Todd&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Kp1MxUezZ9\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Cover_1024x1024.jpg",1024,1024,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ike Todd and Rechab Gray give a no-posturing, men-only gut check on Ephesians 5:23","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Head to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/weekend-to-remember\/\">weekendtoremember.com<\/a> to save 50% on all getaways through January 26, 2026.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=fkeb-h74jrU&amp;list=PLSzse1nmlqbLhDx5FpGVDgLmxy1rmQBau\">Watch the full episode on our Youtube channel<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Check out New Creation church, at <a href=\"https:\/\/newcreationorl.org\/\">newcreationorl.org<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.familylife.com\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2026-01-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript<\/p>\n<p>This content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.<\/p>\n<p>How to Lead Your Wife<\/p>\n<p>Guests:Rechab Gray and Ike Todd<\/p>\n<p>From the series:How to Lead Your Wife (Day 1 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:January 21, 2026<\/p>\n<p>Ike (00:04):<\/p>\n<p>God made a woman to be a helper. Her job is to help this man be the priest he is supposed to be. He cannot be what he's supposed to be without her; so therefore, he must love her and cherish her.<\/p>\n<p>Ann (00:29):<\/p>\n<p>Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (00:35):<\/p>\n<p>And I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Well, it's just me today; there's no Ann Wilson sitting beside me. I's not going to be as pretty in the studio, but it's going to be a great day. We're going to talk about what it looks like to love our wives as Christ loved the church. We've got Ike Todd back and Rechab Gray. These are the husbands of the wives you heard my wife Ann talking to about submission and marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Let me start here: I don't want to start with the word, \u201csubmission,\u201d because it's an inflammatory word, probably more for women than men. But as we think about our roles as husbands\u2014a I know you\u2019re both dads here\u2014but today's sort of about the role we've been called to as a husband. What are the words that come to your mind first when you think, \u201cOkay, I want to be a godly husband.\u201d What thoughts, or words, or concepts drive you to be the man God wants you to be, as a husband in your home?<\/p>\n<p>Ike (01:45):<\/p>\n<p>For me, the word that came to mind was \u201cleader.\u201d I just want to be a good leader; I want to rule with righteousness and justice. It was a sermon that you preached that\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave (02:00):<\/p>\n<p>He's looking at Rechab, if you're not watching on YouTube.<\/p>\n<p>Ike (02:03):<\/p>\n<p>\u2014that changed my desire. I want to love rather than lead.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (02:09):<\/p>\n<p>Do you remember what Rechab said that made you think, \u201cLove\u201d?<\/p>\n<p>Ike (02:12):<\/p>\n<p>I think it was probably the Genesis series, and you probably said those exact words. We talk often about leading when we should be talking about loving. It's like: \u201cLove your wives\u201d; not \u201cLead your wives.\u201d Something about that just resonated with me; because when I think of leadership, love is kind of secondary\u2014it's like being a loving leader\u2014but it's like: \u201cNo, love will do the leading.\u201d You know what I mean? That was important for me; that was huge for me. So yeah, that's what I think about: I just want to be a loving husband.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (02:54):<\/p>\n<p>Same thing for you or different?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (02:56):<\/p>\n<p>Well, I got a story too. This was when we were in Philly, and I was doing those seminary intensives. I would have to drive down for a week to DC, and I was going to the RTS campus in Virginia. Man, it was just a hectic time; had just gotten into ministry sometime before that. We were just missing each other. It wasn't like a bad time or anything; we\u2019re just missing each other.<\/p>\n<p>We called our mentors, Larry Smith and his wife Harriet\u2014shout out to them in Philly\u2014they sat us down at the table. As he lovingly did, he was grilling me on why we\u2019re missing each other. Miss Harriet, his wife, looked to my wife and asked her a question\u2014I'll never forget it for the rest of my life\u2014she turned to Ephesians 5. She said, \u201cYeah, I know Rechab loves you, but there's a part of that passage that says they cherish and nourish their wives.\u201d She asked my wife, in front of me, \u201cBut do you feel cherished and nourished?\u201d And she just began to weep.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (04:01):<\/p>\n<p>Really?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (04:01):<\/p>\n<p>And it was like she didn't want to say, \u201cNo\u201d; but through tears, said, \u201cNo.\u201d Even now, it gets me every time. So when I think of being a husband, I think of cherishing my wife and nourishing her. Literally, the imagery that comes in my mind is like a flower. It's my job to see that flower blossom and bloom to the glory it was meant to be. That requires leadership\u2014that's my job\u2014to water her with the Word and to really cherish her and nourish her to a point where the fullness of who God made her to be blossoms like a flower. And so the word that comes to my mind is \u201ccherish,\u201d and that's always my barometer.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (04:45):<\/p>\n<p>Do you think she'd answer that question different today?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (04:47):<\/p>\n<p>Yeah, I think so. I hope so; I hope so. Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (04:50):<\/p>\n<p>You might have to ask her that one.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (04:51):<\/p>\n<p>Yeah, right.<\/p>\n<p>Ike: That's interesting, for sure.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (04:56):<\/p>\n<p>That is a powerful image. Whenever I've taught on this\u2014\"Love your wives as Christ loved the church,\u201d Ephesians 5\u2014I think, as men, and I think, maybe even our culture, it's like love has lost its meaning. We use the word for everything: \u201cI love Jesus,\u201d \u201cI love San Francisco 49ers,\u201d \u201c\u2026ice cream.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ike (05:18):<\/p>\n<p>\u2014\u201c\u2026tacos.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave (05:20):<\/p>\n<p>Yeah, tacos. It [love] doesn't carry a lot of weight.<\/p>\n<p>But cherish\u2014I remember when I was thinking about how to teach this and understand it\u2014I went and looked up the definition. Cherish is beloved; it's related to costly, which means things that you cherish, you spend money on, you spend a lot of money on. When I read that, and you talk about it, and you study it, and you celebrate it, I was like, \u201cI think guys\u201d\u2014at least, me\u2014\"cherish stuff.\u201d I parked my car, when I had a nice car, it's like I don't want anybody to ding it with their doors. I'm going to park way out here.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe Ann shared the story: I have guitars in my house. I could show you a picture of this room where they hang on the wall; it's our studio. I've got these really nice guitars hanging there. Well, guess what else is in that room?\u2014a humidifier, because the wood needs to be humidified. We live in Michigan, so in the winter it gets really dry. I can tell you right now on my phone what the humidity is in that room.<\/p>\n<p>Ike (06:21):<\/p>\n<p>You take care of those things.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (06:22):<\/p>\n<p>I cherish my guitars. If you were going to pick one up, I'd be, \u201cHey, Rechab. Hold on. You covering your belt? You're not scratching my guitar.\u201d And I thought\u2014Ann might've shared this with your wives; I don't know\u2014but she said it from the stage before. She goes, \u201cThere was a night where I crawled into bed with Dave, and it was in the winter in Michigan. It's so dry in our house that I'm getting nosebleeds.\u201d She turned to me; she goes, \u201cMan, I wish I was one of your guitars.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Guys: Ooohhh!<\/p>\n<p>Dave: In other words, there was a humidifier\u2014literally there's a little humidifier in our bedroom that was empty, because\u2026\u2014the guitars, though, in the other room, I can tell you on my phone what it is. And I'm like, \u201cThat's bad.\u201d It's funny\u2014she was laughing\u2014but it was like\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (07:12):<\/p>\n<p>Funny now.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (07:13):<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I was your guitar, you would really treat me; and understand I need moisture, or \u201c\u2026I need this,\u201d \u201cYou'd talk about me; you'd put me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (07:21):<\/p>\n<p>Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (07:21):<\/p>\n<p>That's what Paul was saying when you said \u201ccherish and nourish.\u201d They come to life, and they bloom. You wonder if your wife's feeling that. Do you think your wives feel that?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (07:33):<\/p>\n<p>It's funny; I\u2019ll even answer this for Ike. They've been married less time than us. We\u2019re 16 years at the time of this recording.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (07:43):<\/p>\n<p>What about you, Ike?<\/p>\n<p>Ike: We\u2019re going on ten.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (07:45):<\/p>\n<p>I actually did their premarital before they got married, which is really crazy. But I can genuinely say, within three years of their marriage, I was looking to him as a model for me for how to love my wife better.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: Part of that I think is the beauty of the church. You look at new believers, you're like: \u201cYo! You are so on fire for Jesus!\u201d It reminds you, not of what you used to be, but of what you should be more of, going forward.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (08:14):<\/p>\n<p>Your first love, yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (08:15):<\/p>\n<p>Yeah; yeah, absolutely. I think them in a younger season in their marriage, it definitely was a constant challenge of like: \u201cDo I still\u201d\u2014not just love but\u2014\u201clike Brittany like this?\u201d\u2014 \u201ccherish her like this?\u201d\u2014\"make sure she knows she's liked?\u201d\u2014and \u201cI'm still going after you with everything?\u201d I don't know if you know, [Ike], how much your model has been, just something I've kept my eyes on and that I let my wife know that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (08:42):<\/p>\n<p>Do you feel like it's still that way?<\/p>\n<p>Ike (08:44):<\/p>\n<p>When we talk about cherish, it is tough for me; because again, my mind goes to leadership. I naturally focus on that. And then, some of the love takes a backseat. But I do think my wife would talk about her flourishing with me and she'll have, I think specific reasons. I've heard her talk about these things before. But for me, I know how much I'm failing, and how much I want to do more, and how much she deserves. So even when I hear her talk about it, it's like, \u201cYeah, that's cool, but I really, really should be cherishing her much more.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave (09:28):<\/p>\n<p>In the fast pace of life, sometimes, the best gift you can give your marriage is time: time to slow down, reflect, and reconnect.<\/p>\n<p>Ann (09:37):<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember\u00ae gives you just that: dedicated time away to invest in your relationship with your spouse and with God.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (09:46):<\/p>\n<p>I know you guys are thinking what I'm thinking: \u201cYeah, it'll cost a whole bunch of money.\u201d It does cost some money; but guess what, guys and gals? It's half-priced right now. Through January 26, you can get two registrations for the price of one; that's<\/p>\n<p>50 percent off all of our getaways, making it easier than ever to give your marriage the gift of time.<\/p>\n<p>Ann (10:07):<\/p>\n<p>So just head to FamilyLifeToday.com and register today.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (10:16):<\/p>\n<p>Well, let's talk about this leadership thing; because you started there. FamilyLife\u2014our Weekend to Remember\u2014we have a different manual today than when Ann and I first started teaching. In the first manual\u2014it's still the same concept\u2014but in the first manual, when we would split up on Sunday morning with just the men; and then, Ann would talk to the women [about other topics]\u2014about this cherishing\/loving your wives, we would always say this: \u201cWe're called to lead like a servant; love like the Savior.\u201d That was the phrase that was in our manual.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: That\u2019s good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: So what do you think it looks like to lead like a servant? Or maybe it doesn't look that way. I mean, how do you guys look at it? Because the submission side of them following us has a lot to do with how we lead. So how do you lead well?<\/p>\n<p>Ike (11:03):<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what I'm trying to figure it out, man.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (11:06):<\/p>\n<p>You just do whatever she tells you to do?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: \u2014and call it leadership.<\/p>\n<p>Ike (11:09):<\/p>\n<p>That's interesting because that's one of my personal struggles, because I think I'm naturally a more strong leader.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (11:20):<\/p>\n<p>More strong than her?<\/p>\n<p>Ike (11:21):<\/p>\n<p>\u2014in general\u2014than most people; but she softens me. Sometimes, it gets difficult for me to discern when I'm supposed to \u201cput my foot down\u201d; or \u201cIs this a time where I'm supposed to be a lot softer?\u201d I don't know, man; sometimes, I feel like I'm a little too soft. I look back on decisions I should have made that would have pushed her, challenged her; but would've been right and good for her development and her love for Christ. Those are the things that I'm struggling with when it comes to leadership, because I'm naturally a little heavy-handed.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (11:59):<\/p>\n<p>He's telling the truth. He's way more of a put-your-foot-down leader; charge. We was talking before this: it's just about leadership qualities. He\u2019s definitely got more of that move-us-forward type of thing. And I can absolutely say, but when it comes to Ari, so much of that is softer. And I think that's a really good balance for his personality.<\/p>\n<p>I actually feel the opposite. I feel like I could be more passive at times in my natural leadership; but because of my love for Brittany, I have more of a: \u201cNah, we got to go here.\u201d But a lot of that, I will genuinely say is\u2014and this is, I think, one of the things that I learned so much from the people who led me\/the men who led me\u2014is: \u201cTalk to God about them before you talk to them about themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave (12:48):<\/p>\n<p>That's good.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (12:49):<\/p>\n<p>Because what that does is it helps me to wring out: \u201cHow much of my \u2018leading her\u2019 is for the sake of my own kingdom?\u201d and \u201cHow much am I leading her is for the sake of her flourishing?\u201d One of the things I'm always asking myself is: \u201cAt the end of this decision, am I going to see her holy; or am I going to see her happy?\u201d If I shoot for her holiness, I know happiness will follow; but if I'm only shooting for her happiness, then the holiness might not be there, and the happiness will quickly wear off. And then, I'll have to seek another thrill to get her happy again; and seek another thrill to get her happy again.<\/p>\n<p>So keeping holiness in front of us, man, I think that's been a huge part of blessing of our relationship. And it is not always fun in those moments; but it also helps her to see: \u201cThis ain't for Rechab\u2019s sake. This is really for the benefit of us,\u201d\u2014but also her, and her flourishing and blossoming.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (13:48):<\/p>\n<p>Have there been times you did that poorly?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (13:52):<\/p>\n<p>For the first, let's see, five years; four years, at least. There was so much of my kingdom.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (13:58):<\/p>\n<p>What'd that look like? What do you mean?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (14:00):<\/p>\n<p>And you know you can mask it with\u2014especially, if you know the Bible pretty well\u2014you can mask anything. A lot of it was like, \u201cHey, I think it's really important that you support me in going out with the fellas so that I can grow in my walk with the Lord.\u201d But really, that was just me trying to selfishly get some time out. It had nothing really to do with the kingdom of God. It had nothing to do with really me growing in the faith. It was just like I wanted to get my own time; it was really selfish, at the end of the day. I didn't want to check that part of my heart, so I can mask it in community. I can mask it in a lot of different things. I did a lot of that putting pressure on her to support me in something like that, in biblical language. I've had to repent so much of that.<\/p>\n<p>Be careful, really ask the Lord the heart of questions of your heart and anything you're calling your wife to; because we can say, all day long: \u201cThis is for the sake of the kingdom,\u201d and all of that; but a lot of times, it's just for our own benefit.<\/p>\n<p>Ike (14:58):<\/p>\n<p>Along those lines, with me, it's a little different; because I'm a vision guy, and I'm a conviction-based guy. If I believe we\u2019re supposed to go this way, I believe it: \u201cI've done all the work; I've prayed about it; I've thought through it; I've read all the Scripture about it; I believe this.\u201d But when it's time for me to actually lead us this way, now, she softens me. I'm like, \u201cHmm, how do I actually lead us this way when I know this won't make her happy?\u201d That's my issue. Oh, my goodness; it kills me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: What have you done?<\/p>\n<p>Ike: I get it wrong a lot, because I want to see her happy.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: I mean, when you get it wrong, what's it look like? Does she\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ike: It looks probably like temporary happiness; and then, something comes back to bite us. It can be financial struggles or something. Or we notice just a little less of the Spirit moving. We're not as focused and intentional about seeking the Lord. And when I start to see those things, I can, a lot of times, say it's because of that decision.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: Really?<\/p>\n<p>Ike: Yeah; \u201cWe weren\u2019t supposed to go there,\u201d or \u201c\u2026do this,\u201d or \u201cWe should have done the opposite\u201d; and it kills me.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (16:20):<\/p>\n<p>Now, are your wives\u2014when you're leading in that way\u2014are their voices loud?\u2014are they like, \u201cHey, I disagree; I don't think you're right,\u201d\u2014or do they keep it quiet? What do they do when they don't think your decision in leading is the way God wants your family to go?<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (16:39):<\/p>\n<p>It's loud but quiet though. My wife\u2014because all she got to say to me is\u2014\u201cAnd this what the Lord is saying?\u201d That question alone will check me, like: \u201cWait, did I pray about this?!\u201d \u201cDid I seek the Lord on this?\u201d And then, there's sometimes keeping stuff copacetic, just making sure that stuff is moving smoothly. Yeah, I'll make the soft decision too; but I did seek the Lord, and I know this isn't that decision. She can even: \u201cI feel like you are just trying to appease me rather than actually please the Lord.\u201d It can just come out that quick. That just is a check to my gut, a real check to my gut; because I think that I'm going to make her happier in this. She's so after holiness that, she's like, \u201cDon't do that for me. I don't want that in my life.\u201d And for Brit, it literally is usually one statement: \u201cSo you prayed; I'm excited.\u201d But then, if I didn't pray, \u201cWhoa, whoa, whoa; don\u2019t be too excited.\u201d It's a literal check to my gut. And so yeah, it is usually mad quiet; but super louder, because it's so quiet.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (17:53):<\/p>\n<p>Same thing for you?<\/p>\n<p>Ike (17:55):<\/p>\n<p>Yeah, she's more\u2014she used this in the beginning of our marriage\u2014she's like, \u201cI'll go, kicking and screaming a lot of times.\u201d So if it's a good time, she all for it; she loves that. And then, if something comes back and bites us; or I get the courage to tell her: \u201cWe should have done this,\u201d\u2014whatever; she's like, \u201cWhy didn't you just say that?! I'm going to follow you; that\u2019s non-negotiable. I'm going to follow you. I let you know that from the beginning; that's not a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I'm like, \u201cWhy did I think it was a problem? It's not a problem with her! She wants to follow me; but sometimes, I just check it out.\u201d You know what I mean? It's like, \u201cI wanted you to have a good time. You said you wanted to go to Disney,\u201d or \u201cYou wanted to have a good time,\u201d\u2014whatever\u2014\"So we just did that.\u201d But she'll let me know, \u201cNo, you can actually lead me, and I will follow.\u201d And she has to remind me of that so many times.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (18:54):<\/p>\n<p>Can I get practical, real quick? So this is real practical. We can be chilling at night. Both of us are kind of bored with the TV; so happiness looks like, \u201cWell, let's try a different movie.\u201d Holiness looks like: \u201cMan, maybe the Lord is making us kind of disappointed with what we watching right now to lead us in a different direction. Maybe let's spend some time in prayer,\u201d or \u201cLet's just talk about the Scriptures for a little bit,\u201d or \u201cLet's talk about the last book you just read.\u201d It'll be a mad encouraging conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Now, the easier thing, and the happier thing; which is, \u201cLet's keep trying Netflix.\u201d The holy thing is to have this deeper conversation, or prayer, or Scripture, or something like that. Every time we've decided the holier thing, we both end up happier; and it usually leads to some good old intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>Ike: A happy time.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab: The happy time. I appreciate it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (19:47):<\/p>\n<p>Happy times; love it.<\/p>\n<p>One of the reasons we're talking about this is, when you guys were in here months ago, there was a look on your wives\u2019 faces of joy and contentment when they talked about this word, \u201csubmission,\u201d which you don't often see with women, even Christian women in the church. It's the \u201cS\u201d-word, \u201csubmission.\u201d Your wives seemed to be [content].<\/p>\n<p>As you think about what that means for us, as men, as well\u2014but especially, for women\u2014because when I speak at churches to men, it's funny when you say, \u201cDo you know what the Bible commands women to do in Scripture?\u201d They know one verse in the Bible, Ephesians 5:22; they do not know [verses] 23, 24, 25\u2014are all to the men and the husbands. There\u2019s a lot more written to us, as men. There's one to her, and that's the only one they know. They think they also know what it means: \u201cShe's supposed to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I want to ask you guys: \u201cWhat do you think \u2018Wives, submit to your husband,\u2019 looks like? What's it mean, and why are your wives thriving when they hear that word rather than what often is the response?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ike (21:00):<\/p>\n<p>It's so fundamental to me; it's fundamental to just being a human being.<\/p>\n<p>Rechab (21:04):<\/p>\n<p>There we go, bro.<\/p>\n<p>Ike (21:05):<\/p>\n<p>We are created in the image of God. We are prophet, priest, king; and God made a woman to be a helper. So really, to me, it's that simple; it's so foundational. Her job is to help this man be the priest he is supposed to be. He cannot be what he's supposed to be without her; so therefore, he must love her and cherish her. But she must submit to him.<\/p>\n<p>We submit\u2014let's take the temple\u2014everyone submitted to the high priest. It's his job to go into the Holy of Holies. We hear from him; we follow him. Everyone is submitting to him. Well, in the home, I'm the priest. Her job is to submit to the priest. We all submit to our pastors; we all submit to our leaders, our bosses. We submit to the government; we submit to leadership. That's just the natural order. I think my wife intuitively gets that; but she also had a wonderful example in her home with her father and her mother. Her father's a pastor of a church. She's seen her mother submit to him, and the difficulties in that; because she's dealing with, obviously, a human being.<\/p>\n<p>(22:37) I think my wife and I, when we talk about it, we really do try to simplify it. It's not as big a deal or as a scary thing that people make it to be. Now part of that is: \u201cIt\u2019s kind of easy for you to say,\u201d type of thing. But when she talks about it, she points out the<\/p>\n<p>1 Peter passage, Chapter 3. It says, \u201cwithout fear\u201d is the part that a lot of people miss. She kind of hones in on that. I'm sure she probably talked about that earlier. She tries to\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014meaning \u201csubmit without\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ike: \u2014\u201cwithout fear\u201d; I forgot the exact way it was said\u2014but I know she goes in on that passage that was a light bulb for her. I don't think it has to be this really scary thing\u2014given we, in a broken world; given I'm a broken man, and I'm going to make mistakes\u2014then, there's going to be a level of fear that she has to work through in submitting to me. But she's willing to work through that; she would relate it to the joy set before Christ going and He endured the cross. He entrusted Himself; He submitted Himself to the Father for the joy set before Him. My wife is entrusting herself to me by submitting to Christ and submitting to me. It really doesn't have to be all of that\u2014like a bad word\u2014it really doesn't. We all submit, in one way or another.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (24:04):<\/p>\n<p>I tell you. that was rich stuff. And we got more of what we just talked about. We didn't even get into the really good stuff that's coming tomorrow, so stay tuned for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>Ann (24:14):<\/p>\n<p>Before we're done today, I just want to remind our listeners: we know life is full of challenges; and families today need biblical truth more than ever. Isn't that true?<\/p>\n<p>Dave (24:24):<\/p>\n<p>That is true.<\/p>\n<p>Ann (24:25):<\/p>\n<p>And as a FamilyLife Partner, your monthly gift helps bring the truth into homes every single day through podcasts, events, and resources.<\/p>\n<p>Dave (24:35):<\/p>\n<p>So let's make a lasting difference together. Become a Partner today. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the \u201cDonate\u201d button.<\/p>\n<p>Ann (24:47):<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2026 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife.com<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/317499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317499"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317499"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=317499"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=317499"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=317499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}