{"id":313493,"date":"2025-03-18T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-18T11:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch\/"},"modified":"2025-03-27T12:32:50","modified_gmt":"2025-03-27T16:32:50","slug":"raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising Kids with Unshakeable Character &#8211; Kathy Koch"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Raising kids with character means focusing on their development over performance. Author Kathy Koch discusses how everyday moments can shape a child&#8217;s moral compass and faith journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Intentional parenting focuses on character, not performance. Author Kathy Koch discusses how everyday moments can shape a child&#8217;s faith journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":313495,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/3503845b-2154-42e1-a9ce-b292013d345c\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:50","filesize":"24.61M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2025-03-18 07:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[10962],"cwp_profile":[3534],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-313493","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","podcast_series-kathy-koch-how-to-parent-differently","cwp_profile-kathy-koch","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/image_cb3ac7.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/313493\/raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/313493\/raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"dZQCfUORGK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch\/\">Raising Kids with Unshakeable Character &#8211; Kathy Koch<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/raising-kids-with-unshakeable-character-kathy-koch\/embed\/#?secret=dZQCfUORGK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Raising Kids with Unshakeable Character &#8211; Kathy Koch&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"dZQCfUORGK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/03\/image_cb3ac7.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Intentional parenting focuses on character, not performance. Author Kathy Koch discusses how everyday moments can shape a child's faith journey.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Learn more about Kathy Koch's ministry \"<a href=\"https:\/\/celebratekids.com\/\">Celebrate Kids<\/a>\" on her website.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/celebratekids.com\/podcasts\">Listen to the \"Celebrate Kids\" podcast<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/march-2025\/parent-differently\/?cru_source=D0002408AT&amp;cru_medium=podcast&amp;cru_campaign=March2025\">We will send you Kathy's book, \"Parent Differently\"<\/a> at no cost to you with a donation of any size this week, as our way of saying a huge \"Thank you!\" for partnering with us.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<ul>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2025-03-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>FamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript<\/p>\n<p>This content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.<\/p>\n<p>Raising Kids with Unshakeable Character<\/p>\n<p>Guest:Kathy Koch<\/p>\n<p>From the series:How to Parent Differently (Day 2 of 3)<\/p>\n<p>Air date:March 18, 2025<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Okay, I have a question for you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:No, don't start with a question.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Yeah, I'm going to ask you. As we were raising our kids, and we would compliment them, do you think we complimented them more about their performance or their character?<\/p>\n<p>Dave:I want to give the right answer.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:And I'm Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Do you think we complimented them more about their performance or their character?<\/p>\n<p>Dave:I think the only one who can answer that question is them. I do think we knew\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann:We knew, but\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave:\u2014w were taught well; we were coached well\u2014we knew it should be on character. But I know, as an athlete, I often celebrated athletic accomplishments.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:\u2014like, \u201cOh, you\u2019re so good at that sport.\u201d And not necessarily that that's bad, but we're going to talk about why character\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave:We need an expert to help us, and she's sitting right here. Kathy Koch is back in the studio!<\/p>\n<p>Ann:I wish Kathy would've parented right beside us; I wish she was in my ear with the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Well, the good thing is our listeners are going to have her do it right now.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Right.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:It's very kind of you.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:And if you missed yesterday\u2014this is Day Two\u2014so go back and listen; you\u2019ll hear your story.<\/p>\n<p>Her book we're talking about today is Parent Differently. The subtitle is: Raise Kids with Biblical Character That Changes Culture.<\/p>\n<p>I told you yesterday I was going to ask you: \u201cWhat do you mean parent differently? Obviously, in that word, already you're making a statement.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:I am. I am concerned about the lack of intentionality with our parents. I'm concerned about parents who let their busyness overwhelm them, and they ride the wave; and what happens, happens without much thought. I get it because of the busyness, and the phone, and the overwhelmed nature of culture, and expectations parents have on themselves and that others place upon them. And we have so many parents today, with the sandwich generation, where they're worried about their aging parents, and their own children, and themselves.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:And so many blended families, too, who are juggling both families.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:True; true. I want our parents to be intentional to set their eyes on something and shoot the arrow there, if you will; and I want it to be character. Character is life-giving; character is life-changing. I just went to the wedding of a friend of mine. I knew the groom just a little bit, but I've known Stephanie a long time. When I watched them say their vows\u2014and I watched them say, \u201cYes\u201d; and I heard the testimony throughout the reception\u2014it was all about character.<\/p>\n<p>What was standing up there was their character. It's what allows you to have position of influence; it's what allows you to have relationships that matter. Without character, you'll give up on rude people; you won't stay the course. You won't be a kind other-centered person yourself, so why would anybody want to be your friend? Character changes relationships; it changes education; it can change a career.<\/p>\n<p>It, frankly\u2014here's the thing, Dave\u2014I wrote this book partly because I want children to know they can make a difference now. The subtitle is really important to me: Raise Kids with Biblical Character That Changes Culture. Character changes culture, not kids. It's the character in the kid that gives them a position of authority to change culture, and they can do it.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I had a family pre-read the book and told me a story of an eight-year-old daughter who had a piano lesson. The piano teacher\u2014and I don\u2019t know about you guys; I took piano and other instruments throughout my educational career\u2014the piano teacher said the typical thing: \u201cDid you practice well this week?\u201d The little girl said, \u201cYes ma'am\u201d; and then, she began to play the song that she was supposedly practicing well. She's on the third row of notes; and she's figuring out: \u201cThe teacher's going to know that I just lied. I said I practiced well, but I'm sounding terrible.\u201d This little girl lifted her hands from the keyboard, made eye contact with the piano teacher, who was right here, and said, \u201cI am so sorry. I lied; I did not practice well. I am so sorry for disappointing you that I didn't practice and that I lied.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That girl came home and told her parents the story that she lied; and she apologized; and she became honest in that moment. She changed culture that day. That piano teacher\u2014I know she was uplifted when that little girl trusted her with the truth of her heart\u2014that was a moment. And that little girl, when the mom and dad said, \u201cSweetheart, you changed Ms. Liz that day. You honored Ms. Liz when you admitted that you had lied; and you humbled yourself and you told the truth; you changed her day!\u201d Can you imagine this little seven-\/eight-year-old girl? She's like, \u201cI changed somebody's day!\u201d They need to know that they can do that.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Kathy, I'm thinking about\u2014we had a son change schools in the eighth grade\u2014he was behind in this school compared to where he was in the school that he had previously been in. This teacher\/this math teacher was hard on him. One day, he came home; he said, \u201cHey, I got a detention for the whole week.\u201d He's pretty quiet, so I was really surprised, like, \u201cWhat happened?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He goes, \u201cWell, I was sitting in the back row with all these other eighth-grade boys; and the teacher left the room. We were banging our chairs against the back of the wall. Teacher from the other room came in, and said, \u2018Hey, stop doing this!\u2019 Then, our teacher came back in and she was mad. She goes, \u2018Who was hitting their chair against the wall?\u2019\u201d There's a row of like six guys\u2014and our son raises his hand\u2014and nobody else raises their hand. He gets a detention. I was hot! But I said to our son, \u201cThank you for being truthful; that took some guts!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave:\u201cWay to go!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Did the other kids not get a detention, even though it was obvious?<\/p>\n<p>Ann:No! And he didn't say anything.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:They all lied, and she thought it was just him.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:I go to the parent-teacher conference, and she's telling me how poorly he's doing. I'm like, \u201cWell, he hasn't had this math; this is all new to him.\u201d I get all frustrated and fiery; and I said, \u201cI want to bring up this situation where you gave him a detention.\u201d I told her the whole thing. I said, \u201cDid you think it was only him?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:And she said, \u201cI've never thought about it.\u201d I said, \u201cThe fact that he said he raised his hand, and said, \u2018Hey, it was me,\u2019\u2014he just taught\u2014to me, that's like, \u201cOh, let's not even award or say anything about the character of telling the truth; but now, he's learned: \u2018Oh, I'm going to lie the next time.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:But you're right! As parents\u2014that character piece\u2014how do we do it? Because I feel like the world is continually telling us it's all about the performance; it's about the personality; it's about the popularity.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:What if I said the most important performance is character? What if we simply reassigned the word? I'm a former athlete and musician\u2014I get all that\u2014I'm an author. It's valuable; we have influence and impact. But the most important performance is your character.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:That's good.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:It is what's going to either open doors for you or shut them. It's going to give you the joy, and the peace, the contentment that Christ died for that we would have. You're not going to get those things in your performances, and you have to learn that. I don't want people to learn it the hard way, so read the Bible now\u2014don't wait\u2014and see if I'm right; that it proves to be true.<\/p>\n<p>I know for me, when I'm a woman of Christ-like biblical character, and when I make mistakes, I own them; I don't deflect responsibility. When we become who God created us to be, everything changes. That's one of the reasons I want character to be intentionally taught in our homes. Because I do believe\u2014and I know you agree with me\u2014that when God created us, He had a plan for our lives. When He knit us together, He knew what He was doing. I was six years old when I came home from the elementary school I went to, and I said, \u201cMommy, I'm too tall.\u201d So many years ago\u2014maybe ten years ago\u2014I'm in front of a group of elementary school-aged children, and I'm telling my story. I want them to believe that they also have a story. They're not the author; God is. You can't be whatever you want. You can only be who God created you to be, and it's a good thing. I was\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Wait; say that one more time.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:You cannot be whatever you want to be. You can only be who God created you to be; really important.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:\u2014especially in this culture.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>I was sharing with these children that I used to think I was too tall. I was honest with my mom, and I'm so glad she heard my heart cry. I became a dancer. I was the center of the back row\u2014a position of high honor that only the taller students could have\u2014so it felt good. And I have no trouble getting my suitcases into the overhead bin, so my height is my advantage.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:I do.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Yes, I bet you do. And you look for people like me at the grocery store to find stuff on the top shelf, right?<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Yes!<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:And now, because of my bad back, I sit on a stool when I speak; but you can still see me when I speak, because I am tall; and it's to my advantage. When I was little, I didn't get it. The longer you live, the more you understand why you are the who you are.<\/p>\n<p>A little boy came up to me afterwards\u2014five or six years old\u2014comes right into my personal space. I talked for 30 minutes about my story, and this is what he said to me. He looks at me right in the eye: \u201cHey lady.\u201d I'm like, \u201cYes.\u201d He goes, \u201cYou're not too tall; you're cool tall.\u201d So I'm cool tall, Chatty Kathy, with a low voice, who struggles to spell. You have to reorient your understanding.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:What'd your mom say when you said that to her?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:When I said to my mom\u2014\"I don't want to be tall anymore,\u201d\u2014well, first of all, praise God she didn't say, \u201cGet over it. You're going to be tall; look at your dad and me\u201d; because I'm not going to understand DNA. \u201cGet over it,\u201d is a very hurtful thing to tell a child. Most important thing you'll do, when you hear their heart cry, is listen longer. You don't have to have all the answers\u2014you sure don't have to have them right away\u2014but you've got to have a heart of compassion\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave:That's good.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:\u2014to choose to walk towards your child in the moment. She admitted\/she goes, \u201cYeah, clumsiness comes in the family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That very night she talked to my dad, her husband. This is what I understand that they said to each other: \u201cWe have a daughter with a perceived problem that will never change; she will be tall,\u201d\u2014perceived problem. \u201cA perceived problem, that can be changed, is \u2018kind of clumsy\u2019; what can we do?\u201d They problem solved. Dave and Ann, they problem solved without making me feel like the problem to be solved. By the end of the week, I was enrolled in tap dance class.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Really?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:And that's where I became coordinated in the center of the back row, and the dancers wanted me to be there. I went from being too tall, and uncomfortable with my height, to a dancer. And then, there's many other things that happened as a result of that.<\/p>\n<p>But the thing is that my mom was available to me to hear my heart cry. I'm going to say to you what I know is true: if I wouldn't have had, at the age of six, a mom or a dad to talk to about what was burdening me, I don't think I'd be here today on the radio. Why would I want to stand in front of thousands of people every month if I had body-image issues? The highest compliment a kid will ever pay you is to share their heart with you.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Kathy, I did that; I think I was nine. I loved sports, and I wanted to be a football player. I wanted to be a linebacker. I remember playing with all the neighborhood boys, with all of them\u2014and I've shared this one other time\u2014but I came in the house, and I was crying. I told my mom: \u201cI don't want to be a girl. I'm so mad that I'm a girl,\u201d and \u201cI do not want to be a girl.\u201d My mom listened to me and listened to me. I was serious. I had an older sister; she's incredibly feminine. I was more athletic; I felt like I wasn't like the other girls; I wasn't as emotional. I was mad, and I was angry. My mom just looked at me, and she listened. She goes, \u201cOh, I know you're a good football player,\u201d\u2014which was so sweet of her to say.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:She was too.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Oh, it's so cute.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:She said, \u201cBut I also think, \u2018Who knows what God has for you?\u2019\u201d My mom would go to church. I wouldn't say she's a Bible-believing believer, but she believed in God. But she said, \u201cAnn, I think you'll probably be a mom someday.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Oh, she gave you hope.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:She gave me hope. And she goes, \u201cAnd someday, I think you're going to like it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Oh, so cool.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:I go, \u201cNo I don\u2019t; I'm not going to like it\u201d; I acted like I didn't like what she said. But inside, that night when I went to bed, I did have hope. I had hope.<\/p>\n<p>I'm thinking there's probably a lot of kids, who are saying to their parents those words: \u201cI don't want to be a boy,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a girl. I'm not supposed to be.\u201d What should they say?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:One of the first things I think parents and grandparents should say is: \u201cI'm so sorry you're confused. Confusion isn't fun.\u201d Making decisions when we're angry is never a good thing; so I would start with: \u201cMan, I'm so sorry. That's got to be really hard.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann:You're empathizing.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:You're empathizing. I might say, \u201cTell me more.\u201d Or I would just\u2014we teach at the ministry: \u201cListen longer,\u201d\u2014so keep talking; because the more information you have, the greater the likelihood the first thing you say will be relevant. You don't know why they want to be the opposite gender.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Right; I just wanted to be a football player. It wasn't that I was confused about my gender; I didn't see much good about being a girl at that time. And it switched after puberty.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Bingo; it so often does. So today, there's Upward Football in churches that girls can play. You would look for a solution that might fit.<\/p>\n<p>I would ask, \u201cTell me more. Why are you feeling this way?\u201d \u201cWell, at school today, this kid\u2026\u201d It's, so often, the teasing and the bullying; and I could tell you a thousand stories.<\/p>\n<p>But when a kid comes: \u201cI don't like my gender. I'm not sure I was born in the right body\u201d; listen longer; say that you're sorry they're confused. Testimonies from people, who have walked that journey, and come out well on the other side. There's a really good place for that. Our listeners need to understand that most kids will change their mind, if there's no medical intervention, by the age of 18, which is so encouraging. We've got to stay out of the way.<\/p>\n<p>Complex issue\u2014but whatever it is: \u201cI don't want to be tall,\u201d \u201cI don't want to be short,\u201d \u201cI don't want blonde hair,\u201d \u201cI don't want to be your daughter,\u201d\u2014what a horrible thing to hear out of the mouth of a child. But then, we listen longer; and we are solution focused, not problem oriented.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:What do you mean?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:So we ask, \u201cHow can I help you?\u201d We say to that daughter\u2014\u201cI want to be a boy,\u201d\u2014\"What do you need from me? What would help you now? Do you need quiet?\u201d \u201cDo you need time just with me? Do you want to go out for pie every Tuesday and have mommy-daughter time?\u201d Maybe the mom is recognizing, \u201cWoah! I haven't been involved much in her life.\u201d \u201cShould we read biographies and autobiographies of athletic women, who are also super feminine and really fun?\u201d I don't know; I'm talking off the cuff here.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:No, I like that.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:We become available to our kids; I think that's critically important. If the kids are not homeschooled\u2014if they're going off to school\u2014I would make a quick phone call to administration or a lead teacher who maybe knows my daughter well. I would say, \u201cCan you tell me what's going on at school? Because for the first time ever, my daughter is confused about some things.\u201d I might not tell him what; I might just say \u201csome things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Maybe there were incidents of bullying; maybe a new kid moved into the class; maybe there was a story read in a health class. You just never know; but you got to find out, because there\u2019s almost always a trigger that causes that. For me, and my height, it was falling down. Again, not wanting to be clumsy in front of my peer group, and standing out in a crowd\u2014I could not hide, even among six-year-olds\u2014so frustrating. There's almost always something that triggers the concern or the feeling of defeat.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:So don't react, as a parent.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Be proactive. What I would actually love is that every parent listening get ready to have answers to the tough questions; because they might come to your home\u2014whether it's about gay, lesbian, gender transitioning, or porn, or sex out of marriage: \u201cI might be pregnant,\u201d\u2014there's all kinds of things that are happening in our culture. I think parents, and grandparents, and educators today should be ready to have the conversation\u2014so if you're alone with the kid, you're going to say something that your husband would approve of, and vice versa\u2014so that you do have a conversation right off the spot. And then, you can say to your kids, \u201cMan, we got to research this. This came out of nowhere. Let's come back in about an hour and a half and talk again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann:That's so helpful. I think parents are like, \u201cI need to get every one of her books!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:That would be nice; I've written seven.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Well, they need to do it.<\/p>\n<p>What would you say is the wrong thing to do?\u2014or the worst thing to do in that kind of question.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:If they come to you with gender confusion, as an example\u2014or \u201cI'm too tall,\u201d or whatever\u2014I would not say, \u201cWell, that's just silly; you're a girl.\u201d I would not dismiss it.<\/p>\n<p>If a daughter comes, and says, \u201cMan, I'd rather be a boy. I'm so athletic, and I just feel like I should be a boy\u201d; you're not, \u201cWell, that's just silly; you're a girl. Go play.\u201d Don't dismiss it, because it's real. If they trusted you with their heart\u2014whoa!\u2014you hug them; and you, again, listen longer; you don't dismiss them.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:\u201cTell me more.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:\u201cTell me more.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ann:And I will say my brothers did say, \u201cWell, you're better than most of those boys out there.\u201d I'm like, \u201cOh, thank you!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Wow. Yeah, affirmation that you needed to hear.<\/p>\n<p>One of the problems that we have in our culture is there's so much gender confusion that's not in Scripture. And when we teach in Celebrate Kids, you always go to the Word of God. As an example: boys can cook. Men can be excellent cooks, not just on the grill\u2014although men often do the grilling, as I understand it, in a lot of families\u2014but men can be excellent cooks and can enjoy it. That doesn't make them women; it doesn't mean they should have been girls. Men can cook, and women don't have to like it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Some of the best chefs in the world are men.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Exactly! Go to the TV shows, and who are the chefs on the competition shows?\u2014many of them are men. We can do a better job of, again, showing the diversity. What we need to understand about gender is Genesis 1:27: \u201cYou\u2019re created male and female.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I did a chapel not too long ago\u2014375 eighth to twelfth graders; some unsaved, and some saved\u2014and was telling my story. I was talking about my low voice; I'm called \u201csir\u201d a lot. We were talking about that, and it's awkward. I'm totally a female, but I have a low voice. It's a perfect radio voice I've been told by the best of the best. I've been in movies with Kirk Cameron; and he and his son were like, \u201cYou have a perfect voice.\u201d It's just so much fun to know that. And it's perfect, because God gave it to me; and He doesn't make mistakes.<\/p>\n<p>But in this context of this chapel, toward the end of the chapel, I share Genesis 1:27 that you were created in God's image: \u201cIn the image of God you have been created.\u201d It's twice in the verse in case you don't understand it the first time; and then, it says, \u201cMale and female you have been created.\u201d I said to the children: \u201cIf you're a male, be a male,\u201d and \u201cIf you're a female, be a female\u201d; and they clapped spontaneously, long and loud. They're desperate for someone to tell them the truth.<\/p>\n<p>The headmaster and the spiritual life director at this school came up to me at the end, and they said, \u201cYou just taught us something important. We've got to get in their faces more with the truth.\u201d Because they realized that they had been soft-pedaling on some issues. And then I said, as the public speaker, \u201cI'm flying home. If you say it, you're going to get 60 emails in your inbox.\u201d And the head of school said, \u201cI have to deal with that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I do think that the wrong thing is to dismiss it as irrelevant; or \u201cIt's just a phase; you'll wake up tomorrow and think differently.\u201d The right thing is to open the Word of God and to teach the truth, no matter what the issue might be. And then, you find them illustrations and examples, and teachable moments; and you affirm their gender in ways that would be acceptable to them.<\/p>\n<p>There's so much more, but I'm glad we're talking about it. It is a real issue, and character is relevant here. If you raise kids to have biblical character\u2014and they know who they are and that they were created for such a time as this\u2014they're less likely to believe the lie that they can be whatever they want. Philippians 4:13 is taken out of context all the time. I like to tell kids: \u201cIt\u2019s not a t-shirt slogan; it's a Bible verse.\u201d Philippians 4:13 says, \u201cI can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.\u201d It doesn't say: \u201cI can be all things.\u201d It says: \u201cI can do all things.\u201d We need to know the Scripture, and we need to stand on that as our rock.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Now, how do you define biblical character?<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:It's the life of Christ, and the will and the ways of God. A lot of people talk about Christlike character; because the Scripture says, \u201cBecome like Christ,\u201d which is great. We're not God, but we can become the character of Him; biblical character is Jesus Christ: \u201cBe like Him: teachable, even Him; humble; persevering; diligent all the way to the cross.\u201d He's an example of character; just tremendous.<\/p>\n<p>But also, the Old Testament is relevant here. The Proverbs are in the Old Testament; every verse is relevant to character: the wise one versus the foolish one. Daniel, and Esther, and Moses, and so many of our Bible heroes can teach us a lot\u2014the fruit of the Spirit, and the Beatitudes, and the \u201cone anothers\u201d of the New Testament, and the Bible heroes that we have\u2014so it's more than Jesus. It's the whole of God inspiring us to become like Jesus.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:It's interesting: on our next program\u2014we're going to do another one\u2014I hope you got another one in you.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Great! Let's do it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:We really want to ask you some questions and get your wisdom on parenting. A lot of the questions we've been asked.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Good.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:But I'll ask you this; because when I read your subtitle, when we wrote our parenting book, we said, \u201cYou need a target: \u2018What are you trying to raise?\u2019\u201d So we said, \u201cHere ours. We're not saying this should be yours; we're just giving you an example. Sit down and craft something. It doesn't have to be cute; just \u2018What are you aiming at?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I'm going to give you ours; I want to hear what you think,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:\u2014because it overlaps in some way. Ours was \u201cTRAIN\u201d; and \u201cRaise L3 Warriors Who Make a Dent Where They're Sent.\u201d Now again, when you hear that, you're like, \u201cOkay, there's some language in there; it doesn't make sense.\u201d Well, it's Wilson language.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Love it.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:TRAIN: Ephesians 6:4.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Raise Warriors: we're in a battle\u2014we're not just raising boys and girls\u2014we're raising men and women who are going to be\u2014they understand there\u2019s a spiritual battle going on\u2014L3 warriors.<\/p>\n<p>L3: when we started our church, we're thinking: \u201cWhat are we about?\u201d \u201cWho are we?\u201d We were trying to decide: \u201cWe're trying to make disciples, but what's the disciples?\u201d We came up with this phrase\u2014we call L3\u2014it's three \u201cL\u201d words: \u201cHere's what a disciple is.\u201d We thought from New Testament, Jesus said, \u201cIf you love the Lord with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself,\u201d\u2014that's the number-one commandment.<\/p>\n<p>We said: \u201cWe're trying to raise people who Love God and love others.\u201d That's the first L.<\/p>\n<p>Second L was: \u201cLock arms in community, so you have live in community.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And the third L was something we came up with called \u201cLive openhandedly\u201d; in other words, your gifts, talents, and abilities are not for you; give them away,\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Amen.<\/p>\n<p>Dave: \u2014so you bless others.<\/p>\n<p>L3 became something that, at our church, was like, \u201cOh, that's our goal: we're trying to Love, Lock, and Live.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We said, \u201cThat's our parenting goal. If our sons, when they're men, love God and others, are living in community, and they're using their gifts and talents\u201d\u2014to the last phrase was\u2014\u201cMake a dent where they\u2019re sent,\u201d sounds a little bit like: \u201cChange the culture.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Make a dent where you're sent is like, \u201cI'm not here for me. I'm here to make a difference for the kingdom of God. So wherever I am is where I'm sent. God sent me here; let's go!\u201d That was our target.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:And our kids didn't really know that specifically.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:No, it wasn't important, specifically, that they knew it. It was important we knew it.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:\u2014so we\u2019re aiming.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Because it oriented your parenting:\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Yeah, everything from\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Kathy: \u2014your priorities, your decision-making.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:\u2014our prayers.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:So when you hear that\u2014again, I'm not saying, \u201cHey, give us a hand clap,\u201d\u2014I'm saying, \u201cDoes that line up with what a parent should be trying to do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:I love it. I love warriors; you're exactly right. We've got to be raising up warriors who know\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Men or women, by the way; it didn\u2019t matter if we had boys or girls; they\u2019re warriors.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:No, totally. No, no, no; the full armor of God is in the Bible on purpose. We've got to pray and worship as warriors; I think that's powerful.<\/p>\n<p>I love the community concept, because we're not to live isolated lives. I love the open-handed; we are gifted to serve; we're not gifted to be prideful in it. And obviously, love first\u2014Great Commission; Great Commandment\u2014all that's there. I love that you were intentional about that. Yeah, we pray it; we pray for it. We asked God to show us: \u201cWhat's different about us?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Family values: I write in all my books, including the Parent Differently book, \u201cWhy are you a family?\u201d God ordained family before He ordained the church\u2014really important to Him\u2014you're a perfectly imperfect for perfectly imperfect children.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:That's good.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:Because God created you to be one, as family: \u201cSo what would God show you about the children that He's asked you to raise?\u201d That's the heart cry of good parents: \u201cShow me why I'm doing this. What are the goals here?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For me, it'd be: \u201cInfluence and impact.\u201d For me, part of the power that we have at Celebrate Kids:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBecome who you were created to be.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon't get in God's way. Without character, you cannot be who God didn\u2019t create you to be.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Again, Chatty Kathy\u2014born that way\u2014Chatty Kathy was a nickname at age two and a half.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Wow.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:If I had not been raised to have character, my parents wouldn't have called it biblical. They were not saved at the time\u2014but I was raised to listen; and I was raised to tell the truth; and I was raised to apologize; and I was raised to not bully with my tongue; I was raised to not exaggerate; to not impress; to be a part of a team\u2014and that's why I'm able to be here today.<\/p>\n<p>I give my parents\u2014they're with Jesus\u2014when my parents were alive, they were often asked, \u201cWhat did you do right?\u201d One of the things my parents did right was they sat in the living room when we practiced and not just in the front row at the concerts. They asked us about our daily work, not just about our test scores. They were intentionally invested each and every day, and they still had their own lives. Dave [my brother] and I are super grateful for that.<\/p>\n<p>Dave:That's awesome.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:Give us a homework tip.<\/p>\n<p>Kathy:So not a tip about doing homework, but a homework tip for the audience. If we've said some things that are relevant, and giving you hope, don't be overwhelmed. The first tip would be: \u201cDon't try to do all of this in<\/p>\n<p>20 minutes. It won't work, and you'll blame us. Slow down, and ask yourself: \u2018What's the one thing I could do differently?\u2019 and \u2018Is that something I'm motivated to do differently?\u2019; and then, do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It might start with an apology. It might start where you have your kids listen to the broadcast; you sit down, and you go, \u201cWhoa, we learned a lot. What stood out to you?\u201d Listen to the kids, because they'll be honest with you if you're going to give them a chance. Maybe, for you, it's hearing the heart cry; maybe, it's whatever.<\/p>\n<p>But then, if you owe them an apology\u2014now, you haven't sinned\u2014if you knew it, and didn't do it, that's different. But if you didn't know it, praise God you found the show; that's why we're here. If you found something new to do, go do that; and celebrate God's goodness to you; and say, \u201cMan, I'm so sorry that I didn't know this; but now I know this new technique.\u201d Because kids are telling me all the time: \u201cMy parents went to another parenting seminar. I know they did: \u2018Who taught you that?\u2019\u201d So just admit to them: \u201cI heard this on the radio. We're going to try a new way\u201d; and then, try it and don't give up. It might take several attempts before we would get good at it. So don't give up if it's something brand-new.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:That's so good because, as a listener, if I was listening, I'd probably walk in the kitchen, like, \u201cGuys, we're doing these ten things!\u201d I like the one thing: \u201cWhat's one thing?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dave:Well, I'll give you one thing to do. Get the book: Parent Differently. The easy way to do it is just send a donation. We live on donations\u2014this is how this ministry functions\u2014listener-supported ministry. And so we'd love you to send a donation to FamilyLifeToday.com. We'll send you this book for the donation. Or you can call us at 800-358-6329.<\/p>\n<p>Ann:If you need parenting help you can get more at FamilyLife.com\/ParentingHelp.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 2025 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p>www.FamilyLife.com<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/313493","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=313493"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/313495"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=313493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=313493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=313493"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=313493"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=313493"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=313493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}