{"id":312712,"date":"2025-02-19T04:25:26","date_gmt":"2025-02-19T09:25:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne\/"},"modified":"2025-02-19T04:25:27","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T09:25:27","slug":"finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding My Father: Blair and Shai Linne"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Artists Blair and Shai Linne know the yawning gaps of living without a dad. Author of &#8220;Finding My Father,&#8221; Blair tells her story of fatherlessness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Artists Blair and Shai Linne know the yawning gaps of living without a dad. Author of &#8220;Finding My Father,&#8221; Blair tells her story of fatherlessness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":312569,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/066be254-ea24-4356-9844-b27d01047315\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:28","filesize":"25.18M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[8552],"cwp_profile":[9794],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-312712","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","podcast_series-blair-and-shai-linne-finding-my-father","cwp_profile-blair-and-shai-linne","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/02\/image_bbee74.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/312712\/finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/312712\/finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZATya2NbXq\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne\/\">Finding My Father: Blair and Shai Linne<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/finding-my-father-blair-and-shai-linne\/embed\/#?secret=ZATya2NbXq\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Finding My Father: Blair and Shai Linne&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZATya2NbXq\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/02\/image_bbee74.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Artists Blair and Shai Linne know the yawning gaps of living without a dad. Author of \"Finding My Father,\" Blair tells her story of fatherlessness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Learn more about Shai Linne at <a href=\"https:\/\/shailinnemusic.com\/\">shailinnemusic.com<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Get Blair Linne's book \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/finding-my-father\/\">Finding My Father<\/a>\" in the FamilyLife shop<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2025-02-19.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nFinding My Father\r\n\r\nGuests:Blair and Shai Linne\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Finding My Father (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:February 19, 2025\r\n\r\nBlair: I would say, for one, it is so important for you to understand: \u201cWho is your God? Who is this Father who longs to father you?\u201d and spend time in the Scriptures, getting to know Him. You know, He is the One from whom all fatherhood\/all the families derived their name\u2014it says in Ephesians 3\u2014that actually\/that Scripture was transforming for me. I realized: \u201cWell, wait, fatherhood\u2014it doesn't start with man\u2014it actually begins with God. He's the One who defines fatherhood, because He's the first Father.\r\n\r\nAnn: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave: And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAnn: So when you say the word, \u201cdad,\u201d we all have different feelings about that. I have different feelings about that, at different stages of his life and my life\u2014because at the beginning, it was hard\u2014I would have said: \u201cI'm not seen.\u201d But there was a greatness about my dad in that he was always growing and getting better; I get teary, thinking about it. \r\n\r\nWhen he was 92, I was reading part of our book to him about parenting. I read the part, where I first started getting to know my dad\u2014because when I was younger, he didn't really see me or pay attention to me\u2014he stopped when I was reading that; he said, \u201cHey, I want you to know I'm really sorry for that. I'm sorry I didn't see you; sorry I didn't pay attention to you. I was wrong.\u201d \r\n\r\nIt's crazy, because when I was growing up, he never once apologized; he thought it was weak to even say those words. I mean, that's\/I feel like that's such a great attribute of being able to keep growing and getting better as you get older. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes; today, we get a chance to talk a little bit about the power of a father, not that moms don\u2019t have incredible power as well.\r\n\r\nWe've got Shai and Blair Linne in the studio today. You've written a book called Finding My Father. But first of all, we want to say, \u201cThanks for being on FamilyLife Today.\u201d \r\n\r\nShai: Thanks. \r\n\r\nBlair: Thanks for having us.\r\n\r\nDave: You guys have never been here; right? \r\n\r\nBlair: Good to be here, yes. \r\n\r\nAnn: We\u2019re excited to have you. \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah; let me ask you this: \u201cWhat do you know about FamilyLife Today?\u2014\r\n\r\nanything? Is this new to you or you have a background?\r\n\r\nShai: No, it's not new for me. I've listened to FamilyLife Today for years.\r\n\r\nDave: It's the best show you've ever heard. It\u2019s incredible.\r\n\r\nShai: It's a great show. I heard it when it was with the Raineys\u2014Dennis \r\n\r\nRainey\u2014so I don't know how it is now these days; I'm not sure. But it was great back \r\n\r\nthen; Bob Lepine as well.\r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, Bob mentored us for the last three years; and now, he's pastoring in Little \r\n\r\nRock. \r\n\r\nYou know what Ann just said about her dad\u2014he was my high school baseball coach\u2014so I knew him as a friend of the Barons. And then, it's funny: he barred me from the house when I went to date her, because\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014Dave had a very bad reputation. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nBlair: Oh, no.\r\n\r\nShai: Really? Wow.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014don't even go into it\u2014but it was warranted; I should have been barred from the house. But he didn't know I\u2019d just given my life to Christ. But\/and again, he was a pretty great father; like Ann said, there were some obviously negatives.\r\n\r\nAs I read your book, Blair, about Finding My Father, I found my story a lot in your story. But let's talk; let's just\u2014you know, here, first do this\u2014tell our listeners a little bit about who you are and what you do, because I bet I don't even know the half of it. \r\n\r\nBlair: Yes; we live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We've been there for\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave: And you love it there, right? So we heard.\r\n\r\nBlair: Not quite; we've been there almost seven years. I was raised in California, so \r\n\r\nthat's probably why I don't love Philadelphia as much.\r\n\r\nDave: That's all you need to know right there. \r\n\r\nAnn: The weather's hard. \r\n\r\nBlair: The weather is perfect [in California], and there\u2019s beaches very close to you. \r\n\r\nDave: She\u2019s looking at you, Shai.\r\n\r\nShai: I know. \r\n\r\nBlair: I am a poet\u2014I've been writing poetry since I was nine years old\u2014writing gospel-\r\n\r\ncentered poetry since I became a believer; speaker; Bible teacher. We have three \r\n\r\nbeautiful children: Sage, Maya and Ezra. I have a wonderful husband, who's next to me. \r\n\r\nAnn: Wait, and you're an actress? \r\n\r\nBlair: Yes; oh, yes. \r\n\r\nDave: \u201cOh, yes; just now forgot about that part.\u201d [Laughter] \r\n\r\nBlair: I did; yes, I have. I started acting when I was nine as well. Actually, it's funny\u2014because once I became a believer, I did wrestle with acting: whether or not I would continue to do it: \u201cCould I honor the Lord with that particular artistic expression?\u201d\u2014I wrestled. Now, I've had a few opportunities to go back into it, just as a believer, and work on some projects with other believers. I'm really excited; I'm excited to explore. \r\n\r\nDave: Now, how did you two meet? \r\n\r\nShai: We met in Long Beach, California. We both were invited to an event, and we kind of met in passing. After that, we kept getting invited to different events around the country: just kind of kept running into each other, and speaking on panels, and things like that. \r\n\r\nBlair: I guess we ran into each other, or was there any stalking going on? \r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, now, it's coming out. \r\n\r\nShai: There may did some slight stalking happening. \r\n\r\nBlair: Okay.\r\n\r\nDave: What did that look like?\u2014\r\n\r\nBlair: \u2014the truth. \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014online?\r\n\r\nShai: I was just investigating, just finding out: \u201cWho's this beautiful woman that I'm constantly running into?\u201d kind thing.\r\n\r\nWe got invited to the same conference. I got to really see her do her poetry, I think, really live for the first time and was just blown away. I was just blown away by the Christ-centeredness of it and just the passion for the Lord Jesus. We had a chance to have a conversation at that conference; and then, that's when the real stalking began. \r\n\r\nTalk about that.\r\n\r\nBlair: It is funny; because when I saw Shai, actually, he was teaching on Christ\u2014and just the gospel-centeredness\u2014it struck me so much. There was actually a guy who was pursuing me, but I just felt like my heart leapt a bit as he was teaching. I was like, \u201cOh, whoa; what is that? Do I need to rebuke that? What's going on?\u201d\u2014because this guy was pursuing me. The Lord, in His sovereignty, shut that door. And then, we were at this conference together, like a month or so later. And so, yeah\/yeah, the Lord\u2014\r\n\r\nShai: Wait; you want to talk about how you start stalking me after that?\r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, let's hear the other side.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yeah, it has to be both sides.\r\n\r\nShai: I think there was an email or something that happened.\r\n\r\nBlair: There was a thank-you email; he had come hear me do poetry\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014a thank-you email. I just said, \u201cThank you.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: Yeah, we know. \r\n\r\nBlair: And then, he responded, asking, \u201cWhat's your testimony?\u201d It was a back-and-forth \r\n\r\nexchange for a few months, and I really started looking forward to those emails.\r\n\r\nDave: I bet. How many years?\u2014been married? \r\n\r\nBlair: Twelve years.\r\n\r\nDave: Wow. \r\n\r\nBlair: Yes. \r\n\r\nAnn: but you dated, long distance, for a while. \r\n\r\nShai:Yeah; we did. We did. I mean, it wasn't that long\u2014it was about a year after we started dating that we got married\u2014but I had a lot of events in Southern California at that time, and so got a chance to get to know each other.\r\n\r\nDave: You know, one of the things that I didn't realize, when Ann and I got married, was my relationship\/or sort of a broken relationship with my father\u2014I didn't have any understanding the depth that I was carrying baggage of that into my new marriage\u2014I mean, this is 41 years later: there's still baggage. \r\n\r\nLet's hear your story a little bit because I'm guessing you brought some of that, both of you, into your marriage, just like we did. \r\n\r\nBlair: Yes; my story is I was raised by a single mother\u2014she raised my sister and I\u2014and moved us to Los Angeles from Michigan when I was three years old. \r\n\r\nDave: What part of Michigan? \r\n\r\nBlair: Grand Rapids, Michigan. We struggled. My dad lived in Chicago, so he was thousands of miles away. I would have a relationship with my dad\u2014if you could call it a relationship\u2014it was really phone conversations, maybe a few times each year. There might be some years, when I didn't hear from him; but it was just over the phone. \r\n\r\nI remember, as I began to grow older, I just longed for something more: I longed to really know my dad; I wanted to be known by him. Even at nine years old or so, I thought, \u201cI just really want to speak and share with him that his absence is impacting my life in many ways.\u201d At that time, it was only really relationally that I saw. It wasn't until I got older, and realizing, \u201cWait!\u201d\u2014you know, the struggle with not being able to have much\u2014we moved 25 times, from that first move to Los Angeles, until I was able to get my own apartment.\r\n\r\nDave: Twenty-five times.\r\n\r\nBlair: Twenty-five times: so shelters, sleeping over at other people\u2019s homes; you know, my mom just scraping to get by. She really did try to give us the best life that we could [have]\u2014started me acting at nine, and different classes, and getting head shots, and all of these on-camera acting classes, and things\u2014but we were living above our means; we really couldn't afford that. \r\n\r\nAs I began to get older, I realized: \u201cI really am struggling with my identity. I don't know who I am.\u201d I didn't have my father there to speak life to me. My dad was very kind; so when we did talk over the phone, he would say little things like: \u201cStars don't need no polish; they always shine.\u201d He would, in his way, try to encourage me; but he was dealing with his own issues and his own things as well.\r\n\r\nAnn: So at nine, were you angry that he wasn't there? What were some of the emotions that you faced, even as a young girl? \r\n\r\nBlair: Right; I wouldn't say I was angry. It's interesting because, sometimes, when you don\u2019t realize what you [don\u2019t] have\u2014even though there's a loss there you can't really put your finger on; you know, what that means for you\u2014it wasn't until I was really 18 honestly, where I realized, like, \u201cWait; okay, guys are expressing interest. I don't even know what to look for in a guy,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\"I don't really know who I am.\u201d I'm struggling in all these ways. \r\n\r\nThat's when I had my first conversation with him, where I just laid it all out there, and said, \u201cI've been afraid, for almost ten years, to speak to you and share with you that you being absent is impacting me; and I'm really hurt by it.\u201d And he told me\/he says, \u201cYou know, I've been afraid too. I haven't had my dad in my life\u2014not that that's an excuse\u2014but just like I don't really know what I'm doing, myself.\u201d But it helped me to see, I think, his humanity in it.\r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, when he said that, I mean that was his response.\r\n\r\nBlair: Yeah.\r\n\r\nDave: Did it soften your pain or did it\u2014I don't know\u2014I am sitting here, thinking, \u201cMan, \r\n\r\nthat's a different response than I thought was coming,\u201d\u2014or maybe you thought was \r\n\r\ncoming.\r\n\r\nBlair:Right; yeah. I thought he was going to\u2014I don't know\u2014I thought having that conversation, my dad would be almost like this superhero, who would swoop in, save the day, and say\u2014apologize maybe\u2014and try to make it right. I think him expressing his own pain, and his own fears and burdens, it just caused me to say, \u201cOh, well, he's just as broken as I am. He's just as needy as I am.\u201d It helped me to see that the very thing that I was trying to get from him, he really didn't have it to give. \r\n\r\nAnn: Where was your faith at that time? \r\n\r\nBlair: At the time, I was a professing believer, so I was regularly attending church; I was very active in the church. I was always kind of considered the good girl; and I was acting, so I was a part of a church that was more prosperity-focused. It was like, \u201cOh, God's blessing you. You're doing these TV shows, so you must be a virtuous woman.\u201d I thought that: \u201cYeah, God is blessing me.\u201d\r\n\r\nIt was only maybe three years later that I actually came to Christ. Someone shared the gospel with me very clearly. I realized that other people aren't going to be the standard when it comes to how I am before the Lord. I have to look to the Scriptures and see: \u201cHow does God see me?\u201d And when I began to do that, I realized my self-righteousness is not going to cut it; that I need a righteousness that's not my own. And that's when I put my faith and my trust in Jesus for the first time. \r\n\r\nAnn: How old were you? \r\n\r\nBlair: I was 22. And then I started to realize: \u201cWell, wait; God can be a Father to me.\u201d But that came, I think, a little later in that I looked at God almost through the lens, I think, of my pain and brokenness; I was like: \u201cOh, yes, God has forgiven me. He's\u2014here's God; He's holy\u2014I'm unworthy; He's forgiven me of my sins. Praise be to God!\u201d \r\n\r\nBut I didn't see: \u201cWell, wait; and He's a loving heavenly Father, who lavishes me with His care and love. And you know, He wants to be this Father to me.\u201d It took me time to get there. It took me really spending time in the Scripture versus looking at it, just through the lens of: \u201cMan, my own dad doesn't seem to really want to have this relationship with me; how could God want this relationship with me?\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Was that a hard transition? This could be for you\u2014Shai, as well\u2014because I know that we often, and you're talking about it right now\u2014we project onto our heavenly Father what we believe about our earthly father. We don't even know we're doing it.\r\n\r\nMine was always because he [my father] was never there: I struggle with God's presence. You know, people say: \u201cGod\u2019s with you.\u201d I'm like, \u201cHey, what's that mean? I don't\/I don't believe you. I read it; I see it\u2014it's true, Scripturally\u2014but I don't\/I don't sense it.\u201d That was my sort of what I had to get over: \u201cNo, the\/your heavenly Father really is literally right here.\u201d Was there anything you struggled with in terms of that?\r\n\r\nBlair: Not necessarily His presence, no. I think because my background, actually, was quite emotionally based; so it wasn't the emotion\u2014it was the love\/it was: \u201cGod has pursued you,\u201d \u201cHe loves you with an everlasting love,\u201d\u2014it's not based upon anything that you've done; and if you sin, He's not going to snatch it away. \r\n\r\nI think, oftentimes, as a child, even when it comes to our earthly father, we center ourselves around, like: \u201cThe reason my dad is not here; it must be something wrong with me.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nBlair: \u201cI must have done something to disappoint him. Maybe if I fix myself, or get myself together, then he'll stay.\u201d It can kind of send us into this perfectionism and wanting to please. \r\n\r\nIt was the same way with God\u2014I wanted to please Him, which we should want to please God\u2014but in that works-based way. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014not to have to perform for His love; yes, yes.\r\n\r\nBlair: Exactly; exactly. \r\n\r\nAnn: Shai, what about you? What's the story of your dad? \r\n\r\nShai: Yes; I grew up, also, in a single-parent home. My mom raised myself and my older sister. My dad was around periodically, so it was pretty sporadic throughout my youth. Over time, it became a kind of thing, where I would have to pursue him if we were going to interact. I think, as I got older, I began to resent that and to resent him. \r\n\r\nBy the time I was later in my teens, 17\/18, I was angry. I was furious at my father for not being there. I think the older I got, the more I recognized the different deficits and the things that I would have liked to have known but didn't; because I didn't have a dad there to teach me those kinds of things. I had a lot of bitterness and rage towards my dad. \r\n\r\nI was also converted as an early adult\u2014so 24 years old; brand-new Christian\u2014the world, just seeing everything through new eyes. I realized, very early on, that I needed to forgive my dad. At that point, we hadn't spoken for a decade; and so I reached out to him one day, as a new believer, and said, \u201cCan we talk?\u201d I went to his house. I think I had built it up in my mind like it was just going to be this kind of climactic moment: we were going to embrace; he was going to ask for forgiveness; I was going to share the gospel; he was going to get saved. There's going to be\u2014 \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014music. \r\n\r\nShai: It would be great. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cThis is good! It\u2019s like a Hallmark\u00ae movie.\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nShai: Exactly. \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014soundtrack behind it. \r\n\r\nShai: That's right; that's right: Chariots of Fire.\r\n\r\nAnn: Ooh, yes. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nShai: But when I met up with him, he was very kind of matter of fact about it. I said, \u201cWhy weren't you around?\u201d He said, \u201cYou know what? My dad wasn't there when I was growing up, and so I kind of did the same thing,\u201d\u2014basically\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve got to get over it.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: How'd you walk away from that, feeling?\r\n\r\nShai: Very disappointed. Yeah, disappointed. After that, I didn\u2019t talk to him again for another seven years\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: Really?\r\n\r\nShai: \u2014after that. It was a process of struggling, trying to forgive him. \r\n\r\nAnn: Were you more angry with him after that?\u2014or\u2014\r\n\r\nShai: No, I wouldn't say I was more angry. I think it was just more\/more deflated maybe. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nShai: But seven years later, I was at a coffee shop. There's a guy in front of me, and he turns around; and it's my dad. \r\n\r\nDave: No way! You had no idea? \r\n\r\nShai: I had no idea. And so he looks at me; and I say, \u201cHey, hey Dad.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014seven years later.\r\n\r\nShai: \u2014seven years later. He looks at me, and he says, \u201cI feel like I'm looking in a mirror right now.\u201d We look so much alike; I was an adult at that point. That was kind of a chance meeting; we met then. The next time I saw him was at my grandmother's funeral; his mom died. We've never been able to connect, relationally, even up to this day. It's been very difficult. \r\n\r\nDave: Is there a deficit you feel still? Or is it something that God\u2019s healed?\u2014or is healing?\r\n\r\nShai: I definitely still feel it.\r\n\r\nDave: Really?\r\n\r\nShai: So here I am, in my 40s. You know, there's an example\u2014I did an internship at a church in Washington, DC; it was a pastoral internship\u2014and I was with the other interns. We were doing one of the sessions was on budgeting and finances. As the instructor\u2019s kind of going through different things\u2014these are things that I'm hearing for the first time; and I'm in my 30s, and I'm just being blown away\u2014like: \u201cWow; this is amazing.\u201d I turned to one of my fellow interns; I'm like, \u201cAre you getting this?! This is great.\u201d And he's like, \u201cMy dad taught me this when I was a kid.\u201d I was just like, \u201cAww.\u201d \r\n\r\nSo even going into marriage, there was a lot of trepidation, just feeling like: \u201cMan, am I even ready for this? There's so much lack, throughout the years.\u201d But God has been really gracious in providing members from our church\/our local church to kind of help fill in those gaps. \r\n\r\nAnn: Sweet.\r\n\r\nShai: One of the things that we did, when we were dating was, we went on basically like a tour\/like a couple\u2019s tour, where we go to different couples\u2019 houses, and just find out: \u201cOkay, just talk to us. Tell us everything. What have you been doing? What works; doesn't work.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: What a great idea.\r\n\r\nShai: Yes; and the church we were at was just really\/it was just great. There were so many godly couples that we could glean from, and so that was really helpful for us. \r\n\r\nBlair: Yes; I think, sometimes, even when we think about our spiritual adoption, we think about God becoming our Father, but we forget that we have a family in the church as well\u2014that this is what we've been given as believers\u2014it has been a huge blessing. \r\n\r\nAnn: Hey, I just wanted to take a quick minute to jump in and say, \u201cWhatever you're \r\n\r\ngoing through today, listen to this: \u2018You aren't alone.\u2019 I know that you know that God is \r\n\r\nwith you; but let me add this: \u2018Did you know that Dave and I have a team here, at \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today, ready to pray for you?\u2019 It's this incredible honor and privilege to lift \r\n\r\nyour name up to God. So if you need prayer, please don't hesitate to reach out to us.\r\n\r\nDave: And here's the easy way to do it: you can text us, and we will pray for you. Here's \r\n\r\nhow you do it: text FLT to 80542. Again, that's FLT to 80542. And we will send you an \r\n\r\nimmediate text back to let you know that we've connected; and then, you can respond to \r\n\r\nour text with your prayer request; and we will pray for you. Text FLT at 80542. \r\n\r\nDave: I mean, based on both of your experiences, what do you say to a person, possibly listening right now\u2014I'm sure a lot, who grew up without a dad\u2014maybe they\u2019re younger; maybe they\u2019re adults now\u2014but they had this same experience that you had\/I had; and maybe, they're struggling with that deficit\u2014what do you say to them? \r\n\r\nBlair: I would say I think that the Lord does heal us\u2014of course, we're being sanctified\u2014it's a process: \r\n\r\nI would say, for one, it is so important for you to understand: \u201cWho is your God? Who is this Father, who longs to Father you?\u201d and spend time in the Scriptures, getting to know Him. You know, He is the One from whom all fatherhood\/all the families derived their name\u2014it says in Ephesians 3\u2014that actually\/that Scripture was transforming for me. I realized: \u201cWell, wait; fatherhood\u2014it doesn't start with man\u2014it actually begins with God. He's the One who defines fatherhood, because He's the first Father.\r\n\r\nAnd so I think spending more time, and seeing: \u201cOkay, when He says, \u2018I'll never leave you nor forsake you,\u2019\u2014when He says His promises to you, this is different\u2014it's not the same as the broken promises you may have received from your earthly father.\u201d I think starting there is important. \r\n\r\nI think also seeing, Lord willing, that the church would be a refuge to the fatherless. I see so many Scriptures, where God tells us to have a heart for the fatherless. Sometimes, we think of the fatherless as the orphan; but it's like the person who doesn't have their father. There are many\u2014even single parents, you know; or children, who are being raised by single parents\u2014who are right in your pew. Maybe you have had a wonderful father, who's talked to you about many different things; maybe you can pour into that person, who's right there in your pew. \r\n\r\nOr if you are the fatherless child, seek out those who\u2014you know, godly men who are around you, or those you see being fathered\u2014like we did and like we're doing, to say, \u201cWe don't have this all figured out.\u201d It's not like\u2014okay; it's not the prosperity gospel in the sense of, like, once you come to Christ, your whole life is going to be, you know, ViVa VaVoom: everything is going to be great\u2014it's like: \u201cNo, we're working; we're growing in our sanctification. We're becoming more like our Father as days go on.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd then also knowing forgiveness: it's a process; it takes time; sometimes we have to forgive over and over again\u2014especially, if our parents are still near to us\u2014those wounds can be opened again and again. Sometimes, when we think about forgiveness, we think: \u201cIt\u2019s one and done.\u201d No, you need to forgive, again, at times. I think those are a few things that I think of, that might be helpful.\r\n\r\nDave: Anything come to your mind, Shai; because I know that I was in my 30s before I forgave my dad. I think I was in my late 20s when I started the healing process.\r\n\r\nAnn: A lot of it was\u2014because I remember him\u2014our kids were playing on the floor; but Dave looked at them and he said, \u201cHow could my dad leave me at that age?\u201d And so I think\u2014\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014it began this process. I think a lot of listeners have never started that journey. You both, not only started it\u2014but as I\u2019m sitting here, I think, \u201cWow, you\u2019ve been through almost a complete healing,\u201d\u2014not that it\u2019s ever complete\u2014but it really is. \r\n\r\nAgain, I\u2019m thinking of that listener, who\u2019s like: \u201cI\u2019m not there yet.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014or \u201cWhere do I begin?\u201d But what do you think, Shai?\r\n\r\nShai: I think recognizing the deficit\u2014that it\u2019s there\u2014because I think what we can do is try to paper over it\u2014act like it\u2019s not there; try to deny it\u2014but just to be very honest with ourselves and say: \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s there, and it exists. I need to look to the Lord\r\n\r\nto begin to heal those wounds.\u201d Our God is a healer. He knew exactly what He was doing when He placed us in the different family situations that we ended up in. God, in His mercy and in His kindness, desires to be the Father who\u2019s far beyond any earthly father that we could ever imagine. \r\n\r\nSo ultimately, we have to acknowledge the deficit; look to Him. Prayer is going to be a very big part of this\u2014and just being very honest before God\u2014and just crying out to Him. And ultimately, the healing comes through looking to Christ and trusting in Him. \r\n\r\nBlair: And I think that's so beautiful, just to think we can be honest with God. He knows it already; right? \r\n\r\nAnn: Isn\u2019t that good?\r\n\r\nBlair: We don't have to put on airs; we don't have to pretend. We can be honest; and we can share: \u201cThis is how I'm hurting\u2026\u201d \u201cHere's where my pain is\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is overwhelming\u201d; you know?\u2014or\u2014\u201cI don't know what to do.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014or \u201cI'm angry.\u201d \r\n\r\nBlair: \u2014or \u201cI'm angry\u201d; absolutely\u2014or\u2014\u201cI can't forgive right now.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think, in our honesty, that's where, when we confess that to the Lord, we find true healing, and help,\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and freedom. \r\n\r\nBlair: \u2014and freedom; absolutely. It takes away the shame. There can be shame related to not having your dad, you know, in crisis\u2014you know\u2014\"I'm [God speaking] taking that away,\u201d\u2014you know, like\u2014\u201cThis doesn't have to reside here anymore, because I'm here.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: This is FamilyLife Today, and we are Dave and Ann Wilson. And man, we've had \r\n\r\na great conversation with Blair and Shai Linne about their book, Finding My Father: How \r\n\r\nthe Gospel Heals the Pain of Fatherlessness. This is a great book, and you can get it \r\n\r\ntoday. Just go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can order the book there. Or you can \r\n\r\ncall us at 800-358-6329. That's 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and then the word, \r\n\r\nTODAY.\r\n\r\nAnn: And if you are already following us on social media, that's awesome. But if you're \r\n\r\nnot, head over to Instagram at FamilyLife Insta; or you can find us on Facebook \r\n\r\nFamilyLife for more encouragement.\r\n\r\nDave: And coming up tomorrow, we're going to be back with Blair and Shai Linne, \r\n\r\ntalking about Finding My Father for a second day. The topic we're going to dive into is \r\n\r\npretty important: \u201cWhat kind of legacy could you leave for your family?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: See you, again, tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2025 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/312712","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=312712"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/312569"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=312712"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=312712"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=312712"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=312712"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=312712"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=312712"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}