{"id":311865,"date":"2025-01-22T04:03:28","date_gmt":"2025-01-22T09:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott\/"},"modified":"2025-01-22T04:03:29","modified_gmt":"2025-01-22T09:03:29","slug":"navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott\/","title":{"rendered":"Navigating the Heartbreak of Wayward Children: Stuart Scott"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The emotional turmoil parents experience when their children stray from their faith can be significant. Author, Stuart Scott, discusses how to navigate these challenges with hope and grace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The turmoil parents experience when children stray from faith can be significant. Author, Stuart Scott, discusses how to navigate these challenges.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":311866,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/d4f519a2-0309-47ca-9c26-b25d015894e7\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.86M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2834,2806],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[10930],"cwp_profile":[10933],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-311865","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-praying-for-your-children","category-spiritual-development","podcast_series-stuart-scott-when-children-lose-their-faith","cwp_profile-stuart-scott","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2025\/01\/image_cb842d.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/311865\/navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/311865\/navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KOTEWmHlV8\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott\/\">Navigating the Heartbreak of Wayward Children: Stuart Scott<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/navigating-the-heartbreak-of-wayward-children-stuart-scott\/embed\/#?secret=KOTEWmHlV8\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Navigating the Heartbreak of Wayward Children: Stuart Scott&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KOTEWmHlV8\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["d4f519a2-0309-47ca-9c26-b25d015894e7"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/d4f519a2-0309-47ca-9c26-b25d015894e7\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:24:55"],"filesize":["22.86M"],"_thumbnail_id":["311866"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/january-2025\/hope-for-parents-of-wayward-children\/?cru_source=D0002408AT&cru_medium=podcast&cru_campaign=January2025\">Get Stuart Scott's \"Wayward Children\" devotional for a donation of any amount<\/a><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/sale\/group-studies-sale\/\">Save 25% on all small group materials at the FamilyLife online shop<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2025-01-22.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nNavigating the Heartbreak of Wayward Children\r\n\r\nGuest:Stuart Scott\r\n\r\nFrom the series:When Children Lose Their Faith (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:January 22, 2025\r\n\r\nAnn:I think one of the best things we've ever done for our marriage is go through small group material on marriage with other couples.\r\n\r\nDave:Oh, yeah; no question: one of the best things. And we still do it! And right now, we have a 25 percent off discount for you to use some of our great FamilyLife resources, like the new Art of Marriage\u00ae; you could get that\u2014or you could even get our Vertical Marriage\u00ae\u2014and just take some couples through it. It, literally, will change their life. But you ready for this?\u2014it's going to change your life as well. So here's how you get it: just go to FamilyLife.com\/Shop, and you can start your small group off right this year.\r\n\r\nStuart:Parents influence their children; they don't determine them. God will hold every child responsible for their own choices. And there's not going to be any perfect parent\u2014blameless doesn't mean you're perfect or sinless\u2014it means you've dealt with your sin.\r\n\r\nDave:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.\r\n\r\nAnn:And I'm Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nAnn: We talk to a lot of parents around the country. I'm going to tell you: one of the topics that comes up continually are kids who are wayward\u2014kids who have walked away from their faith; kids who are just struggling\u2014and for a parent, man, this rips their heart out.\r\n\r\nDave:This has got to be one of the issues Christian parents think about\u2014almost keeps you up every night\u2014\"How do I raise my kids in such a way that they are walking with Jesus when they're adults?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:And a lot of times, they hide it; because it feels like there's a lot of shame associated with it. As parents, we can feel like it's our fault. We're going to go into that topic today: that wayward-kids topic.\r\n\r\nDave:We got Stuart Scott sitting over there. You already heard him grunt a couple times.\r\n\r\nAnn: He's agreeing! \r\n\r\nDave: What was that about? You've got kids; is this something you felt?\r\n\r\nStuart:Oh, yes. And we thought\u2014my wife and I\u2014that: \u201cWe're going to do it right. We're going to correct all the mistakes. We're going to repeat all the good things from our parents; we're going to correct all the bad things. And our children will come to Christ at two,\u201d \u201c\u2026three.\u201d It's common, with young parents; and they all want to know: \u201cTell me what to do, and I'll do it; and get the product.\r\n\r\nDave:\u201cIf I do \u2018X,\u2019 I get \u2018Y.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nStuart:That\u2019s right. \r\n\r\nAnn:And I don't know if you've seen this, Stuart; but I felt this as a young mom: \u201cTell me all the things you did wrong so that I don't repeat them.\u201d Do you think that parents do that?\r\n\r\nStuart:I think both\u2014\u201cTell me the good things,\u201d \u201cTell me the things you did that you wish you didn't,\u201d\u2014as if we can walk this perfect road and guarantee the product. It can't be your goal, as a parent, to see your children saved. It's the greatest desire you have, but it can't be your goal; since goals are achievable. It's trusting God; it's walking by faith. We want to walk by sight.\r\n\r\nDave:What's interesting about you, Stuart: you're not your average parent. You've got a degree in counseling; you're a therapist; you're a counselor; you're a speaker; you're an author; you teach this stuff.\r\n\r\nAnn:\u2014seminary degrees.\r\n\r\nDave:Yeah; tell our listeners a little bit about what you do.\r\n\r\nStuart:Well, I went to Bible college; and took my first couple years there just to get my Gen Ed [requirements] in. That's when I was impressed with one, the Scripture that will last for eternity; and [two], people's souls will; everything else is going to burn, even the Force.\r\n\r\nDave:Even the Force.\r\n\r\nAnn:We had that talk that pushed us into ministry.\r\n\r\nStuart:Yeah, yeah. I said, \u201cI probably should invest in people's lives with God's Word.\u201d At that point, there was really one track in seminary\u2014it was to be a pastor; there wasn't an associate pastors and all that\u2014it was just: \u201cBe a pastor.\u201d I wanted to learn more of the Bible, so that's why I kept going to different schools for more of the Bible; and maybe in biblical counseling. I ended up teaching\u2014we\u2019re on staff at some churches, teaching in different seminaries\u2014but it's on the sufficiency of Scripture: what God says it's sufficient for, and helping people to be saved and to be sanctified. And so that's what I've kind of given my life to do. \r\n\r\nI thought, as a parent, \u201cAlright, this is pretty textbook.\u201d And not that we were perfect at all\u2014we said, \u201cForgive me,\u201d a lot with our kids\u2014and we love our kids; they love us. But it was not that way. I mean, you can dress them and sit them in a pew or a chair when they're real young. When they start getting older, and you start seeing their personalities and their individuality.\r\n\r\nAnn:Isn't it terrible that we can't control them? I didn\u2019t make them do certain things. I'm sure God has said that multiple times.\r\n\r\nStuart:I made numerous professions of faith. My dad was in ministry and teaching as well; both my parents are in education vocations. I made numerous professions of faith. I'm used to the camp experiences on Friday nights\u2014and everybody: \u201cI got saved,\u201d\u2014over and over again kind of a thing. I'm used to that. \r\n\r\nSo when my kids made early professions of faith, I just sort of: \u201cWell, wait and see,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ll, wait and see.\u201d And my wife didn't come from a home like that at all. And when she came to faith in Christ at 11\u2014at Vacation Bible School\u2014she's: \u201cYou trust in Christ, and that's it.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: She's in. \r\n\r\nStuart:Oh, she's all in. We had two different backgrounds uniting there in the \r\n\r\nparenting. And there were wonderful times, and there were some really \r\n\r\nhard times in the parenting experience.\r\n\r\nAnn:\u2014said every parent under the sun.\r\n\r\nStuart:In different years\u2014in their teen years\u2014first, my daughter: \u201cDad, I'm not a believer.\u201d And then, some years later, my son: \u201cYeah, I'm not either.\u201d I'm going, \u201cWhoa! This is not what I thought, anticipated, desired,\u201d\u2014either one of us. But it really opened up doors. And again, we work hard at loving them with the love of Christ; and there's always hope as long as they're alive. \r\n\r\nBut when you meet\u2014I don't know if I met anyone in ministry, for the most part, who doesn't have one child or more that they don't really want to talk about much; because they're not following Christ; they\u2019re wayward\u2014and it breaks their heart. They\u2019d just rather focus on the ones who are doing well. That took me down a part of a path here\u2014part of what I do is trying to encourage parents to trust God\u2014to get their eyes on Jesus, not put their hope in their children. \r\n\r\nWhen I came across Romans 9, when Paul said\u2014I mean, it is powerful\u2014he says, \u201cI have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart for I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsman, according to the flesh.\u201d We always think of Paul rejoicing all the time. And here, he says, \u201cI'm in anguish all the time.\u201d And you go, \u201cWhich one is it?\u201d It\u2019s both; and it's how to really walk with Christ with both of those. Anguish, unceasing, sorrow\u2014I don't know a greater pain\u2014than having children you've invested in, who say, \u201cIt's not for me. I don't want it.\u201d Some get pretty hostile; we know some well-known people today in ministry whose children are hostile. I mean, they're on social media, going after their parents. I'm like, \u201cThat\u2019s like the greatest anguish.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:I can see it on your face, Stuart, as you're talking about it. If you're not watching this on YouTube, you can't necessarily see Stuart's face if you're only listening. But I can see the anguish in your face as you talk about it. And every single parent understands what you feel, because they face that same anguish that Paul describes. You're right. \r\n\r\nDave:I mean, so much so that you've thought about it a lot. You've written this book called Wayward Children. You've written 30 days so a parent can walk, daily\u2014like your subtitle\u2014Finding Peace, Keeping Hope. How would you advise a parent, who has a child, who says what you said earlier: \u201cMom,\u201d or \u201cDad, I don't believe anymore.\u201d In that very second, where you just want to almost crumble\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn:In that very second, you lost your peace\u2014finding peace\u2014you lost your peace and your hope.\r\n\r\nDave:I mean, how do you respond, as a parent?\r\n\r\nStuart:Some parents\u2014and it depends on the child and the age of the child\u2014some parents suspect that their child's not a believer. It's not a surprise\u2014in how they're living and the path that they're taking\u2014so for some, they're not shocked. For me, when my daughter said, \u201cDad, I'm not a believer,\u201d I didn't think she was because I'd been there; I'd been down that path, growing up.\r\n\r\nAnn:You were looking for the fruit.\r\n\r\nStuart:I was looking for a love for Jesus. Sometimes, you\u2019re like holding a stethoscope\/a spiritual stethoscope up: \u201cIs there a heartbeat after Jesus?\u201d I just didn't sense it. She loved going to church; her friends were there. I said, \u201cI know all your friends.\u201d And she goes, \u201cYeah, Dad; they're all where I'm at. They just won't say it.\u201d And I went, \u201cOh, that would explain why a lot of youth pastors are frustrated. They're trying to disciple the children when they should be evangelizing.\u201d\r\n\r\nI would probably help parents, who when they first hear that, it's just: \u201cWhat are they tethered to?\u201d If their hope\u2014and they\u2019re tethered to their children or their children's faith\u2014they're going to sink with them. They're going to go up and down, depending on how the child responds. \r\n\r\nWe did that for a little bit; I mean, boy, it was a journey for us. I mean, all these points, there in the everyday, they were in my devotional: \u201cI need to learn this,\u201d \u201cI need to learn this.\u201d Depending on what my child was doing\u2014or children\u2014when they're up, I'm up; and then, when they're down, I'm down. I'm going, \u201cMy hope\u2019s misplaced then.\u201d And that's easy to do: you can put it in your health, in your finances, or in your children, and other places. So that's having to get my eyes back on Christ, and be steady there. So whatever\u2014they're going up and down; sometimes, they may even be in your face, just talking right back to you\u2014and you're just going, \u201cMan, Lord, help me keep my eyes open. Help me at this point.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:Why do you think we, as parents, hide that?\u2014hide where our kids are, spiritually?\r\n\r\nStuart:It's that acceptance\/approval of people in the church. Everyone wants to be thought of as: \u201cI've got it together.\u201d Everyone looks nice on Sunday; everyone's fine. \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d\u2014\"Fine.\u201d And then, during the week, you go, \u201cNo, it's not fine.\u201d So I don't know\u2014maybe, different motives\u2014but I think that's a main one: is wanting to be accepted\/approved by other people. Fear of man would fit in that as well.\r\n\r\nAnn:I think, too, as parents, we feel like failures, that shame piece. And then, we start\u2014and don't forget: the enemy is Satan, who is the accuser\u2014and I'm telling you: I've talked to so many parents who\u2014they're like\u2014\u201cIt's because of me. It's because I didn't do \u2018X,\u2019 \u2018Y,\u2019 \u2018Z,\u2019\u201d or \u201cI did do \u2018X,\u2019 \u2018Y,\u2019 or \u2018Z.\u2019\u201d They are just bombarded with guilt, shame; and so they go into hiding for their kids.\r\n\r\nStuart:Well, every parent can think of things they've done wrong. I mean, it didn't take me long to think through stuff I didn't do and things I should have done. So when parents do that, and go, \u201cI blew it. I was not the parent I should have been.\u201d Well, maybe not; but your child's belief and unbelief is not based on you. God holds them responsible.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:Say that again.\r\n\r\nStuart:Their belief or unbelief is not based on their parent. Ezekiel 18\u2014every person who sins; it is their own responsibility\u2014you can't blame your parents. And parents, what I would do is\u2014what we did; my wife and I\u2014is anything that we could think of that we really failed: we just, maybe, weren't there for a time in their life in the teen years, we would ask their forgiveness. Any log in our eyes: we just confessed it; ask for forgiveness.\r\n\r\nAnn:I think, too, as parents, we need to do that with our adult kids. All three of our sons have come to us with hurts; things that we didn't do. We wrote a book called No Perfect Parents. And our kids wrote in it some of the things we didn't do. I think, as a parent, we are heartbroken; because our intent was never to hurt them, but we both hurt them. \r\n\r\nI don't think it's ever too late for a parent to apologize. My dad was 92 when it was his last year of his life; and he said to me, \u201cAnn, I'm really sorry I was never there for you.\u201d There's a part of me, that's like, \u201cI'm a full-grown woman; I know who I am in Christ\u201d; but there is still something that felt good about him acknowledging the pain.\r\n\r\nStuart:That's right.\r\n\r\nAnn:I think that could be a step that we take, as parents\u2014\u201cWill that change a lot?\u201d or \u201cMaybe, they won't even forgive us,\u201d\u2014but there is something about confession and asking forgiveness that's powerful.\r\n\r\nStuart:It's the right thing to do; and it's right, before God, for a parent to do. And it's how you deal with any guilt that you might have is: confess it; ask for forgiveness. And they may or may not [forgive], as you said; but before God, at least, you're blameless before Him\u2014not perfect\u2014but blameless.\r\n\r\nDave:Are regrets the same thing? As I hear you say that, I'm thinking a lot of parents\u2014and I've had it before\u2014I just have these regrets: \u201cI wish I would've done that year\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026that decision.\u201d I am looking at your subtitle: \u201cHow do I find peace?\u201d I'm lying in bed, with a regret. I may have even confessed it to them, but I still can't change it; and so I have this regret. How do you deal?\r\n\r\nStuart:I don't know, Dave, if I even have the right answer. As best as I know, biblically, is that we'll always have regrets. I look at the Apostle Paul\u2014he was a persecutor of the church\u2014he'd run into people; I'm sure he came to widows, and go, \u201cOh, what happened to your husband?\u201d\u2014\u201cWell, you killed him.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn:I never thought of that.\r\n\r\nStuart:Everywhere he went in Israel\u2014he was putting everyone in prison or to death\u2014so when he would talk about: \u201cI was a persecutor of the church,\u201d\u2014that would be a regret, but he would always go to the gospel. He\u2019d always go to Christ, and say, \u201cYeah; but boy, thank God there's forgiveness; there's grace; there's mercy\u201d; and then, you move forward. \r\n\r\nI think people who just dwell on the regret\u2014it\u2019s problematic\u2014then you get into self-pity and \u201cWoe is me.\u201d But the regrets can really take us back for a recalibration with the gospel\/with Christ, to go, \u201cThank You.\u201d We did this, and my kids are doing this now; because they\u2019re older. When they come into the parenting years themselves, they [say]: \u201cWow, Mom, Dad, this is hard. Man, I gave you a hard time; didn\u2019t I?\u201d That's what we did\u2014we said [about our parents]: \u201cWow; man, how do my parents put up with me in those teen years?\u201d And we're seeing the same thing. So when they hit them, they realize they're not perfect either. And they begin to\/I think they begin to mature once they start having children that start speaking up and want their own way.\r\n\r\nDave:Yeah; yeah. I mean, is there a difference in your opinion\u2014this would be for all of us\u2014between a perfect parent and a blameless parent? In some ways, it is tied into even that regret journey in my own life. I have a huge regret with my youngest son who was on staff with me at our church. The way it sort of ended\u2014it didn't end well for him\u2014and my tension was: I was a staff member there, and a founder of the church; but his dad. \r\n\r\nIn some meetings, if it would've been any other staff member on my staff, I would've said, \u201cWait, wait, wait; you can't treat him that way. What's going on here?\u201d But because it was my son, and I didn't want to be accused of nepotism, there were moments where I just sat there quiet; because I don't want them to think I'm defending my son. Now, if it had been Ryan or anybody, I would've been strong, like, \u201cWait, wait, wait; this is out of bounds\u201d; but I just sat there. Later, he's like, \u201cDad, why didn't you defend me?\u201d He doesn't understand that tension\u2014he can say, \u201cWell, I can,\u201d\u2014but still it was wrong. I still can lay in bed\u2014even though he's forgiven\u2014he was very gracious about it. \r\n\r\nStuart:Oh, that's good. \r\n\r\nDave:It hurt, but he's gone through a journey. He's like, \u201cI forgive you\u201d; but I know it hurt. And so it's like I was imperfect. In some ways, I didn't think I was blameless; but I still can carry that. I know parents carry those days, or months, or years, where they thought, \u201cI did the wrong thing; and now, it's affected my son,\u201d or \u201c\u2026daughter; and they've walked away. Some of it's my fault.\u201d How do you speak to that?\u2014especially, even, as a counselor and a dad.\r\n\r\nStuart:I think the Lord\u2014even when he puts the kings together\u2014one king has a son\u2014he's a godly king\u2014has a son who\u2019s wicked. \r\n\r\nAnn:Josiah; Josiah. \r\n\r\nStuart:And then, you have Manasseh.\r\n\r\nDave:Manasseh, yes. \r\n\r\nStuart:Hezekiah\u2014a righteous king\u2014he has a son, Manasseh. And you go, \u201cWhat?!\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cWhat?!\u201d \r\n\r\nStuart:And it was repeatedly: this king\u2014he's godly\u2014he has a son [who\u2019s wicked]. It\u2019s to show: parents influence their children; they don't determine them. God will hold every child responsible for their own choices. There's not going to be any perfect parent. But blameless doesn't mean you're perfect or sinless; it means you've dealt with your sin. There's no handles\u2014literally, no handles to grab onto\u2014so if your son, for example, said, \u201cDad, you remember back\u2026\u201d; and you said, \u201cYeah, I do; but I asked you for forgiveness; and you granted it.\u201d So now, it's the son's responsibility, if he thinks of that, to deal, biblically, with it himself. And then, when you think of it, you go, \u201cYeah, but I did ask for forgiveness. I would encourage others: \u2018Don't do that.\u2019\u201d It is a regret, but it doesn't have to hold you down; it probably is going to help you in ministry.\r\n\r\nDave:Right; right.\r\n\r\nAnn:I was in a small group last week with a lot of different women, like 15 women. Some were moms, and their daughters were in this group. And in the group was a good friend of mine. Her two daughters are in the group, who are now women in their 30s with children. And the girls shared their testimony of: \u201cHow I started going to our church,\u201d\u2014the church that Dave and I started\u2014and they heard the gospel, and they gave their lives to Jesus. And the mom\u2014she was so honest; it was so beautiful\u2014her girls had never even heard her say: \u201cAnd while they were seeking Jesus, I didn't even know who I was. I had such a broken past; I was out partying. But I saw my girls changing; and as a result, I wanted to be where they were. And so I became a greeter at the door of the church they were going to. And then I happened to go into the service, and I heard the gospel.\u201d\r\n\r\nHere I am, watching the girls hear their mom tell the story of her coming to know Jesus\u2014and just the grace of the gospel, the grace of Jesus\u2014of the mom feeling so much shame that here she is\u2014so broken, so lost\u2014trying to find her life through all different means. And yet, in spite of all of that, her girls find Jesus. That is the grace of God, isn't it?\r\n\r\nStuart:That is. That'd be my wife's story.\r\n\r\nAnn:Really?\r\n\r\nStuart:There was no believer in her family, and she went to a Vacation Bible School at age 11. Her parents were on the verge of a divorce, just conflict constantly; no gospel. You heard the gospel and God saved her. And you go, \u201cWhat kind of parenting was that?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:Right!\r\n\r\nStuart:And then, I look at Isaiah, Chapter 1, verse 2; and it says, \u201cThe Lord says, \u2018Many children have I reared, and they've all rebelled.\u2019\u201d That's a comforting verse. You can\u2014there's not going to be any perfect parent but God\u2014so we're all going to fail, one way or the other.\r\n\r\nAnn:Well, tomorrow, we want to get into some of the nitty gritty of your devotional and some of the topics. But how would you encourage parents as we end today?\r\n\r\nStuart:Because of Christ, there's always help and hope, no matter what place you find yourself in\u2014whether a child has just told you they're unsaved; or you found out something about them, that there's no way they could be walking with Christ and be doing what they're doing; there's a whole hidden life\/a double life; but some may be right in your face, yelling\/screaming vulgar things, that you said, \u201cThis is not how we raised them,\u201d\u2014there is always help and hope in Christ for whatever place you're in. I may not even know all the answers yet of walking someone through their situation\u2014but Christ is the way; He\u2019s the truth; and He's the life\u2014and to me, that is finding peace and that is keeping your hope; but it's going to have to be eyes all on Christ.\r\n\r\nDave:What I was thinking, as I wrap this up, I was thinking a 30-day devotional is something a parent needs. Because it's not once\u2014it's not this month; and then, three months ago\u2014it's daily you lay in bed at night. And so pretty interesting to be able to say: \u201cWe're going to send you this book, Wayward Children, by Stuart Scott, as you make a donation to FamilyLife Today. Just make a donation to FamilyLife: go to FamilyLife.com; we will send you Wayward Children as you send a donation to us. Or you can call us at 800-358-6329. That's 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY. We will send you Wayward Children as you bless us with a gift.\u201d\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2025 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com                                 \r\n\r\n\n"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-311865.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-311865.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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Coyle","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coyle-a9eb952f\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"The turmoil parents experience when children stray from faith can be significant. Author, Stuart Scott, discusses how to navigate these challenges.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/january-2025\/hope-for-parents-of-wayward-children\/?cru_source=D0002408AT&cru_medium=podcast&cru_campaign=January2025\">Get Stuart Scott's \"Wayward Children\" devotional for a donation of any amount<\/a><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/sale\/group-studies-sale\/\">Save 25% on all small group materials at the FamilyLife online shop<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2025-01-22.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nNavigating the Heartbreak of Wayward Children\r\n\r\nGuest:Stuart Scott\r\n\r\nFrom the series:When Children Lose Their Faith (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:January 22, 2025\r\n\r\nAnn:I think one of the best things we've ever done for our marriage is go through small group material on marriage with other couples.\r\n\r\nDave:Oh, yeah; no question: one of the best things. And we still do it! And right now, we have a 25 percent off discount for you to use some of our great FamilyLife resources, like the new Art of Marriage\u00ae; you could get that\u2014or you could even get our Vertical Marriage\u00ae\u2014and just take some couples through it. It, literally, will change their life. But you ready for this?\u2014it's going to change your life as well. So here's how you get it: just go to FamilyLife.com\/Shop, and you can start your small group off right this year.\r\n\r\nStuart:Parents influence their children; they don't determine them. God will hold every child responsible for their own choices. And there's not going to be any perfect parent\u2014blameless doesn't mean you're perfect or sinless\u2014it means you've dealt with your sin.\r\n\r\nDave:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.\r\n\r\nAnn:And I'm Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nAnn: We talk to a lot of parents around the country. I'm going to tell you: one of the topics that comes up continually are kids who are wayward\u2014kids who have walked away from their faith; kids who are just struggling\u2014and for a parent, man, this rips their heart out.\r\n\r\nDave:This has got to be one of the issues Christian parents think about\u2014almost keeps you up every night\u2014\"How do I raise my kids in such a way that they are walking with Jesus when they're adults?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:And a lot of times, they hide it; because it feels like there's a lot of shame associated with it. As parents, we can feel like it's our fault. We're going to go into that topic today: that wayward-kids topic.\r\n\r\nDave:We got Stuart Scott sitting over there. You already heard him grunt a couple times.\r\n\r\nAnn: He's agreeing! \r\n\r\nDave: What was that about? You've got kids; is this something you felt?\r\n\r\nStuart:Oh, yes. And we thought\u2014my wife and I\u2014that: \u201cWe're going to do it right. We're going to correct all the mistakes. We're going to repeat all the good things from our parents; we're going to correct all the bad things. And our children will come to Christ at two,\u201d \u201c\u2026three.\u201d It's common, with young parents; and they all want to know: \u201cTell me what to do, and I'll do it; and get the product.\r\n\r\nDave:\u201cIf I do \u2018X,\u2019 I get \u2018Y.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nStuart:That\u2019s right. \r\n\r\nAnn:And I don't know if you've seen this, Stuart; but I felt this as a young mom: \u201cTell me all the things you did wrong so that I don't repeat them.\u201d Do you think that parents do that?\r\n\r\nStuart:I think both\u2014\u201cTell me the good things,\u201d \u201cTell me the things you did that you wish you didn't,\u201d\u2014as if we can walk this perfect road and guarantee the product. It can't be your goal, as a parent, to see your children saved. It's the greatest desire you have, but it can't be your goal; since goals are achievable. It's trusting God; it's walking by faith. We want to walk by sight.\r\n\r\nDave:What's interesting about you, Stuart: you're not your average parent. You've got a degree in counseling; you're a therapist; you're a counselor; you're a speaker; you're an author; you teach this stuff.\r\n\r\nAnn:\u2014seminary degrees.\r\n\r\nDave:Yeah; tell our listeners a little bit about what you do.\r\n\r\nStuart:Well, I went to Bible college; and took my first couple years there just to get my Gen Ed [requirements] in. That's when I was impressed with one, the Scripture that will last for eternity; and [two], people's souls will; everything else is going to burn, even the Force.\r\n\r\nDave:Even the Force.\r\n\r\nAnn:We had that talk that pushed us into ministry.\r\n\r\nStuart:Yeah, yeah. I said, \u201cI probably should invest in people's lives with God's Word.\u201d At that point, there was really one track in seminary\u2014it was to be a pastor; there wasn't an associate pastors and all that\u2014it was just: \u201cBe a pastor.\u201d I wanted to learn more of the Bible, so that's why I kept going to different schools for more of the Bible; and maybe in biblical counseling. I ended up teaching\u2014we\u2019re on staff at some churches, teaching in different seminaries\u2014but it's on the sufficiency of Scripture: what God says it's sufficient for, and helping people to be saved and to be sanctified. And so that's what I've kind of given my life to do. \r\n\r\nI thought, as a parent, \u201cAlright, this is pretty textbook.\u201d And not that we were perfect at all\u2014we said, \u201cForgive me,\u201d a lot with our kids\u2014and we love our kids; they love us. But it was not that way. I mean, you can dress them and sit them in a pew or a chair when they're real young. When they start getting older, and you start seeing their personalities and their individuality.\r\n\r\nAnn:Isn't it terrible that we can't control them? I didn\u2019t make them do certain things. I'm sure God has said that multiple times.\r\n\r\nStuart:I made numerous professions of faith. My dad was in ministry and teaching as well; both my parents are in education vocations. I made numerous professions of faith. I'm used to the camp experiences on Friday nights\u2014and everybody: \u201cI got saved,\u201d\u2014over and over again kind of a thing. I'm used to that. \r\n\r\nSo when my kids made early professions of faith, I just sort of: \u201cWell, wait and see,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ll, wait and see.\u201d And my wife didn't come from a home like that at all. And when she came to faith in Christ at 11\u2014at Vacation Bible School\u2014she's: \u201cYou trust in Christ, and that's it.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: She's in. \r\n\r\nStuart:Oh, she's all in. We had two different backgrounds uniting there in the \r\n\r\nparenting. And there were wonderful times, and there were some really \r\n\r\nhard times in the parenting experience.\r\n\r\nAnn:\u2014said every parent under the sun.\r\n\r\nStuart:In different years\u2014in their teen years\u2014first, my daughter: \u201cDad, I'm not a believer.\u201d And then, some years later, my son: \u201cYeah, I'm not either.\u201d I'm going, \u201cWhoa! This is not what I thought, anticipated, desired,\u201d\u2014either one of us. But it really opened up doors. And again, we work hard at loving them with the love of Christ; and there's always hope as long as they're alive. \r\n\r\nBut when you meet\u2014I don't know if I met anyone in ministry, for the most part, who doesn't have one child or more that they don't really want to talk about much; because they're not following Christ; they\u2019re wayward\u2014and it breaks their heart. They\u2019d just rather focus on the ones who are doing well. That took me down a part of a path here\u2014part of what I do is trying to encourage parents to trust God\u2014to get their eyes on Jesus, not put their hope in their children. \r\n\r\nWhen I came across Romans 9, when Paul said\u2014I mean, it is powerful\u2014he says, \u201cI have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart for I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsman, according to the flesh.\u201d We always think of Paul rejoicing all the time. And here, he says, \u201cI'm in anguish all the time.\u201d And you go, \u201cWhich one is it?\u201d It\u2019s both; and it's how to really walk with Christ with both of those. Anguish, unceasing, sorrow\u2014I don't know a greater pain\u2014than having children you've invested in, who say, \u201cIt's not for me. I don't want it.\u201d Some get pretty hostile; we know some well-known people today in ministry whose children are hostile. I mean, they're on social media, going after their parents. I'm like, \u201cThat\u2019s like the greatest anguish.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:I can see it on your face, Stuart, as you're talking about it. If you're not watching this on YouTube, you can't necessarily see Stuart's face if you're only listening. But I can see the anguish in your face as you talk about it. And every single parent understands what you feel, because they face that same anguish that Paul describes. You're right. \r\n\r\nDave:I mean, so much so that you've thought about it a lot. You've written this book called Wayward Children. You've written 30 days so a parent can walk, daily\u2014like your subtitle\u2014Finding Peace, Keeping Hope. How would you advise a parent, who has a child, who says what you said earlier: \u201cMom,\u201d or \u201cDad, I don't believe anymore.\u201d In that very second, where you just want to almost crumble\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn:In that very second, you lost your peace\u2014finding peace\u2014you lost your peace and your hope.\r\n\r\nDave:I mean, how do you respond, as a parent?\r\n\r\nStuart:Some parents\u2014and it depends on the child and the age of the child\u2014some parents suspect that their child's not a believer. It's not a surprise\u2014in how they're living and the path that they're taking\u2014so for some, they're not shocked. For me, when my daughter said, \u201cDad, I'm not a believer,\u201d I didn't think she was because I'd been there; I'd been down that path, growing up.\r\n\r\nAnn:You were looking for the fruit.\r\n\r\nStuart:I was looking for a love for Jesus. Sometimes, you\u2019re like holding a stethoscope\/a spiritual stethoscope up: \u201cIs there a heartbeat after Jesus?\u201d I just didn't sense it. She loved going to church; her friends were there. I said, \u201cI know all your friends.\u201d And she goes, \u201cYeah, Dad; they're all where I'm at. They just won't say it.\u201d And I went, \u201cOh, that would explain why a lot of youth pastors are frustrated. They're trying to disciple the children when they should be evangelizing.\u201d\r\n\r\nI would probably help parents, who when they first hear that, it's just: \u201cWhat are they tethered to?\u201d If their hope\u2014and they\u2019re tethered to their children or their children's faith\u2014they're going to sink with them. They're going to go up and down, depending on how the child responds. \r\n\r\nWe did that for a little bit; I mean, boy, it was a journey for us. I mean, all these points, there in the everyday, they were in my devotional: \u201cI need to learn this,\u201d \u201cI need to learn this.\u201d Depending on what my child was doing\u2014or children\u2014when they're up, I'm up; and then, when they're down, I'm down. I'm going, \u201cMy hope\u2019s misplaced then.\u201d And that's easy to do: you can put it in your health, in your finances, or in your children, and other places. So that's having to get my eyes back on Christ, and be steady there. So whatever\u2014they're going up and down; sometimes, they may even be in your face, just talking right back to you\u2014and you're just going, \u201cMan, Lord, help me keep my eyes open. Help me at this point.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:Why do you think we, as parents, hide that?\u2014hide where our kids are, spiritually?\r\n\r\nStuart:It's that acceptance\/approval of people in the church. Everyone wants to be thought of as: \u201cI've got it together.\u201d Everyone looks nice on Sunday; everyone's fine. \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d\u2014\"Fine.\u201d And then, during the week, you go, \u201cNo, it's not fine.\u201d So I don't know\u2014maybe, different motives\u2014but I think that's a main one: is wanting to be accepted\/approved by other people. Fear of man would fit in that as well.\r\n\r\nAnn:I think, too, as parents, we feel like failures, that shame piece. And then, we start\u2014and don't forget: the enemy is Satan, who is the accuser\u2014and I'm telling you: I've talked to so many parents who\u2014they're like\u2014\u201cIt's because of me. It's because I didn't do \u2018X,\u2019 \u2018Y,\u2019 \u2018Z,\u2019\u201d or \u201cI did do \u2018X,\u2019 \u2018Y,\u2019 or \u2018Z.\u2019\u201d They are just bombarded with guilt, shame; and so they go into hiding for their kids.\r\n\r\nStuart:Well, every parent can think of things they've done wrong. I mean, it didn't take me long to think through stuff I didn't do and things I should have done. So when parents do that, and go, \u201cI blew it. I was not the parent I should have been.\u201d Well, maybe not; but your child's belief and unbelief is not based on you. God holds them responsible.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:Say that again.\r\n\r\nStuart:Their belief or unbelief is not based on their parent. Ezekiel 18\u2014every person who sins; it is their own responsibility\u2014you can't blame your parents. And parents, what I would do is\u2014what we did; my wife and I\u2014is anything that we could think of that we really failed: we just, maybe, weren't there for a time in their life in the teen years, we would ask their forgiveness. Any log in our eyes: we just confessed it; ask for forgiveness.\r\n\r\nAnn:I think, too, as parents, we need to do that with our adult kids. All three of our sons have come to us with hurts; things that we didn't do. We wrote a book called No Perfect Parents. And our kids wrote in it some of the things we didn't do. I think, as a parent, we are heartbroken; because our intent was never to hurt them, but we both hurt them. \r\n\r\nI don't think it's ever too late for a parent to apologize. My dad was 92 when it was his last year of his life; and he said to me, \u201cAnn, I'm really sorry I was never there for you.\u201d There's a part of me, that's like, \u201cI'm a full-grown woman; I know who I am in Christ\u201d; but there is still something that felt good about him acknowledging the pain.\r\n\r\nStuart:That's right.\r\n\r\nAnn:I think that could be a step that we take, as parents\u2014\u201cWill that change a lot?\u201d or \u201cMaybe, they won't even forgive us,\u201d\u2014but there is something about confession and asking forgiveness that's powerful.\r\n\r\nStuart:It's the right thing to do; and it's right, before God, for a parent to do. And it's how you deal with any guilt that you might have is: confess it; ask for forgiveness. And they may or may not [forgive], as you said; but before God, at least, you're blameless before Him\u2014not perfect\u2014but blameless.\r\n\r\nDave:Are regrets the same thing? As I hear you say that, I'm thinking a lot of parents\u2014and I've had it before\u2014I just have these regrets: \u201cI wish I would've done that year\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026that decision.\u201d I am looking at your subtitle: \u201cHow do I find peace?\u201d I'm lying in bed, with a regret. I may have even confessed it to them, but I still can't change it; and so I have this regret. How do you deal?\r\n\r\nStuart:I don't know, Dave, if I even have the right answer. As best as I know, biblically, is that we'll always have regrets. I look at the Apostle Paul\u2014he was a persecutor of the church\u2014he'd run into people; I'm sure he came to widows, and go, \u201cOh, what happened to your husband?\u201d\u2014\u201cWell, you killed him.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn:I never thought of that.\r\n\r\nStuart:Everywhere he went in Israel\u2014he was putting everyone in prison or to death\u2014so when he would talk about: \u201cI was a persecutor of the church,\u201d\u2014that would be a regret, but he would always go to the gospel. He\u2019d always go to Christ, and say, \u201cYeah; but boy, thank God there's forgiveness; there's grace; there's mercy\u201d; and then, you move forward. \r\n\r\nI think people who just dwell on the regret\u2014it\u2019s problematic\u2014then you get into self-pity and \u201cWoe is me.\u201d But the regrets can really take us back for a recalibration with the gospel\/with Christ, to go, \u201cThank You.\u201d We did this, and my kids are doing this now; because they\u2019re older. When they come into the parenting years themselves, they [say]: \u201cWow, Mom, Dad, this is hard. Man, I gave you a hard time; didn\u2019t I?\u201d That's what we did\u2014we said [about our parents]: \u201cWow; man, how do my parents put up with me in those teen years?\u201d And we're seeing the same thing. So when they hit them, they realize they're not perfect either. And they begin to\/I think they begin to mature once they start having children that start speaking up and want their own way.\r\n\r\nDave:Yeah; yeah. I mean, is there a difference in your opinion\u2014this would be for all of us\u2014between a perfect parent and a blameless parent? In some ways, it is tied into even that regret journey in my own life. I have a huge regret with my youngest son who was on staff with me at our church. The way it sort of ended\u2014it didn't end well for him\u2014and my tension was: I was a staff member there, and a founder of the church; but his dad. \r\n\r\nIn some meetings, if it would've been any other staff member on my staff, I would've said, \u201cWait, wait, wait; you can't treat him that way. What's going on here?\u201d But because it was my son, and I didn't want to be accused of nepotism, there were moments where I just sat there quiet; because I don't want them to think I'm defending my son. Now, if it had been Ryan or anybody, I would've been strong, like, \u201cWait, wait, wait; this is out of bounds\u201d; but I just sat there. Later, he's like, \u201cDad, why didn't you defend me?\u201d He doesn't understand that tension\u2014he can say, \u201cWell, I can,\u201d\u2014but still it was wrong. I still can lay in bed\u2014even though he's forgiven\u2014he was very gracious about it. \r\n\r\nStuart:Oh, that's good. \r\n\r\nDave:It hurt, but he's gone through a journey. He's like, \u201cI forgive you\u201d; but I know it hurt. And so it's like I was imperfect. In some ways, I didn't think I was blameless; but I still can carry that. I know parents carry those days, or months, or years, where they thought, \u201cI did the wrong thing; and now, it's affected my son,\u201d or \u201c\u2026daughter; and they've walked away. Some of it's my fault.\u201d How do you speak to that?\u2014especially, even, as a counselor and a dad.\r\n\r\nStuart:I think the Lord\u2014even when he puts the kings together\u2014one king has a son\u2014he's a godly king\u2014has a son who\u2019s wicked. \r\n\r\nAnn:Josiah; Josiah. \r\n\r\nStuart:And then, you have Manasseh.\r\n\r\nDave:Manasseh, yes. \r\n\r\nStuart:Hezekiah\u2014a righteous king\u2014he has a son, Manasseh. And you go, \u201cWhat?!\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cWhat?!\u201d \r\n\r\nStuart:And it was repeatedly: this king\u2014he's godly\u2014he has a son [who\u2019s wicked]. It\u2019s to show: parents influence their children; they don't determine them. God will hold every child responsible for their own choices. There's not going to be any perfect parent. But blameless doesn't mean you're perfect or sinless; it means you've dealt with your sin. There's no handles\u2014literally, no handles to grab onto\u2014so if your son, for example, said, \u201cDad, you remember back\u2026\u201d; and you said, \u201cYeah, I do; but I asked you for forgiveness; and you granted it.\u201d So now, it's the son's responsibility, if he thinks of that, to deal, biblically, with it himself. And then, when you think of it, you go, \u201cYeah, but I did ask for forgiveness. I would encourage others: \u2018Don't do that.\u2019\u201d It is a regret, but it doesn't have to hold you down; it probably is going to help you in ministry.\r\n\r\nDave:Right; right.\r\n\r\nAnn:I was in a small group last week with a lot of different women, like 15 women. Some were moms, and their daughters were in this group. And in the group was a good friend of mine. Her two daughters are in the group, who are now women in their 30s with children. And the girls shared their testimony of: \u201cHow I started going to our church,\u201d\u2014the church that Dave and I started\u2014and they heard the gospel, and they gave their lives to Jesus. And the mom\u2014she was so honest; it was so beautiful\u2014her girls had never even heard her say: \u201cAnd while they were seeking Jesus, I didn't even know who I was. I had such a broken past; I was out partying. But I saw my girls changing; and as a result, I wanted to be where they were. And so I became a greeter at the door of the church they were going to. And then I happened to go into the service, and I heard the gospel.\u201d\r\n\r\nHere I am, watching the girls hear their mom tell the story of her coming to know Jesus\u2014and just the grace of the gospel, the grace of Jesus\u2014of the mom feeling so much shame that here she is\u2014so broken, so lost\u2014trying to find her life through all different means. And yet, in spite of all of that, her girls find Jesus. That is the grace of God, isn't it?\r\n\r\nStuart:That is. That'd be my wife's story.\r\n\r\nAnn:Really?\r\n\r\nStuart:There was no believer in her family, and she went to a Vacation Bible School at age 11. Her parents were on the verge of a divorce, just conflict constantly; no gospel. You heard the gospel and God saved her. And you go, \u201cWhat kind of parenting was that?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn:Right!\r\n\r\nStuart:And then, I look at Isaiah, Chapter 1, verse 2; and it says, \u201cThe Lord says, \u2018Many children have I reared, and they've all rebelled.\u2019\u201d That's a comforting verse. You can\u2014there's not going to be any perfect parent but God\u2014so we're all going to fail, one way or the other.\r\n\r\nAnn:Well, tomorrow, we want to get into some of the nitty gritty of your devotional and some of the topics. But how would you encourage parents as we end today?\r\n\r\nStuart:Because of Christ, there's always help and hope, no matter what place you find yourself in\u2014whether a child has just told you they're unsaved; or you found out something about them, that there's no way they could be walking with Christ and be doing what they're doing; there's a whole hidden life\/a double life; but some may be right in your face, yelling\/screaming vulgar things, that you said, \u201cThis is not how we raised them,\u201d\u2014there is always help and hope in Christ for whatever place you're in. I may not even know all the answers yet of walking someone through their situation\u2014but Christ is the way; He\u2019s the truth; and He's the life\u2014and to me, that is finding peace and that is keeping your hope; but it's going to have to be eyes all on Christ.\r\n\r\nDave:What I was thinking, as I wrap this up, I was thinking a 30-day devotional is something a parent needs. Because it's not once\u2014it's not this month; and then, three months ago\u2014it's daily you lay in bed at night. And so pretty interesting to be able to say: \u201cWe're going to send you this book, Wayward Children, by Stuart Scott, as you make a donation to FamilyLife Today. Just make a donation to FamilyLife: go to FamilyLife.com; we will send you Wayward Children as you send a donation to us. Or you can call us at 800-358-6329. That's 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY. We will send you Wayward Children as you bless us with a gift.\u201d\r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2025 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/311865","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=311865"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/311866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=311865"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=311865"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=311865"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=311865"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=311865"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=311865"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}