{"id":311756,"date":"2025-01-15T03:57:15","date_gmt":"2025-01-15T08:57:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis\/"},"modified":"2025-01-15T03:57:16","modified_gmt":"2025-01-15T08:57:16","slug":"why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Spiritual Health Matters for your Marriage: Dave &#038; Ashley Willis"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Like physical health, your marriage\u2019s spiritual health determines resilience &#038; strength for what hurtles your way. Authors Dave &#038; Ashley Willis cheer you on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Like physical health, your marriage\u2019s spiritual health determines resilience &#038; strength for what hurtles your way. Authors Dave &#038; Ashley Willis cheer you on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/6b544bcb-9795-4f0e-a149-b24a0116493d\/audio.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:30","filesize":"25.22M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[10928],"cwp_profile":[9755],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-311756","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","podcast_series-healthy-intimacy-dave-ashley-willis","cwp_profile-dave-and-ashley-willis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/311756\/why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/311756\/why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"SFLl9IT3Jw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis\/\">Why Spiritual Health Matters for your Marriage: Dave &#038; Ashley Willis<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-spiritual-health-matters-for-your-marriage-dave-ashley-willis\/embed\/#?secret=SFLl9IT3Jw\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Why Spiritual Health Matters for your Marriage: Dave &#038; Ashley Willis&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"SFLl9IT3Jw\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Like physical health, your marriage\u2019s spiritual health determines resilience & strength for what hurtles your way. Authors Dave & Ashley Willis cheer you on.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/naked-and-healthy-uncover-the-lifestyle-your-mind-body-spirit-and-marriage-need\/\">Purchase \"Naked and Healthy\" on the FamilyLife online shop<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.weekendtoremember.com\">Register to Weekend to Remember<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/flministries\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2025-01-15.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\nWhy Spiritual Health Matters for Your Marriage\r\n\r\nGuests:Dave and Ashley Willis\r\n\r\nFrom the series:Healthy Intimacy (Day 3 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date:January 15, 2025\r\n\r\nAnn: I think one of my favorite moments and memories that I still have is\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014marrying me?\r\n\r\nAnn: Well, yeah; but actually, it was before that; because we went to a FamilyLife \r\n\r\nWeekend to Remember\u00ae conference. We had to write a love letter to each other.\r\n\r\nDave: Oh, yeah.\r\n\r\nAnn: Remember that?\r\n\r\nDave: We still have it,\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: We still have it.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201444 years later.\r\n\r\nAnn: And I remember reading that, crying; because when you're in a relationship with \r\n\r\nsomeone\u2014and even if you've been married for a while\u2014we don't always say the things \r\n\r\nthat are important and that matter. There's something about getting away, taking time to \r\n\r\nfocus on your marriage. It's just hard to do that in today's day and age, and culture; \r\n\r\nespecially, if you have kids, it's hard!\r\n\r\nDave: And you may be even thinking, \u201cI couldn't write a love letter to my spouse right \r\n\r\nnow\u201d; and that's why you need to go. Because Friday night\u2014sort of the walls start to \r\n\r\ncome down\u2014Saturday, God starts to work in things you didn't know that you felt; you'll \r\n\r\nstart feeling again.\r\n\r\nAnn: And maybe your marriage is doing great and you just need a little pick me up. But \r\n\r\nmaybe you're just struggling thinking, \u201cI don't know if we're going to make it.\u201d Why \r\n\r\nwouldn't you come to this?\r\n\r\nDave: And I'd say, \u201cSign up today.\u201d You know why?\u201450 percent off. Did you hear \r\n\r\nme?\u201450 percent off\u2014which means you get half off on the registration for the weekend. \r\n\r\nYou don't want to miss that opportunity. So here's how you do it: go to \r\n\r\nFamilyLifeToday.com; and click on the banner there to sign up for any Weekend to \r\n\r\nRemember in any city in the country. You can go anywhere you want; they're all over \r\n\r\nthe country.\r\n\r\nAnn: And let me just add\u2014this could be a great gift you give to your kids, your \r\n\r\ngrandkids, your friends, your neighbor, a coworker\u2014this could be an incredible gift.\r\n\r\nDave: Yeah; and this registration\u201450 percent off\u2014goes until January 20. So again, it's \r\n\r\nFamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call us at 800-358-6329. That's 800-F as in Family, L \r\n\r\nas in Life, and the word, TODAY.\r\n\r\nDave: I remember sitting, two weeks before our wedding, in the Chicago ballroom, downtown Chicago, at the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember\u2014engaged; listening to the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, talk about how important the spiritual part of your marriage is\u2014do you remember?\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, yes. I thought, \u201cDennis Rainey is the most remarkable speaker. This conference is amazing.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: You know what I remember?\u2014is from that day on, you wanted me to be Dennis Rainey; that\u2019s what I remember. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: I totally did.\r\n\r\nDave: It started right then and there. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, that is when it started.\r\n\r\nAnn: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nDave: And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nDave: Again, 14 days from [then] we\u2019re getting married; and I remember thinking, \u201cOh, the spiritual part of our marriage\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cWe\u2019ve got this.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014will be the easiest.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u201cIt won\u2019t even be something you have to work at.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cWe love Jesus; it\u2019s so natural.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: And then we got married.\r\n\r\nAnn: And what happened? \r\n\r\nDave: I had no idea, number one, how hard marriage would be; number two, how hard it would be to connect together spiritually. \r\n\r\nAnn: I really think that I judged your spiritual walk, and I had expectations that you were going to be Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. [Laughter] I was like, \u201cWait; what is happening right now?\u201d I was always thinking: \u201cOh, you should do this,\u201d and \u201cYou should do that.\u201d I feel like it was more me than anybody. \r\n\r\nDave: Oh, good; I\u2019m going to blame you then too. \r\n\r\nAnn: You can!\r\n\r\nDave: I think it was all you; no! I mean, the conference was phenomenal. \r\n\r\nI will say this: the conferences are still going on. FamilyLife\u2019s still does the Weekend to Remember\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, we\u2019re on for this spring. \r\n\r\nDave: \u2014over 40 years. Here\u2019s the good news: you can go to one of our spring conferences for 50 percent off. \r\n\r\nAnn: Okay, you guys; did you hear that?\r\n\r\nDave: That\u2019s a two-for-one deal. \r\n\r\nAnn: Your registration will be half off; that\u2019s remarkable.\r\n\r\nDave: What\u2019s really cool is you can pick any city you want\u2014there\u2019s probably one near you, or if you want to go to a destination\u2014it\u2019s Friday night through Sunday morning. Again, we went as an engaged couple; so you can go as a dating\/engaged couple; you can go as newlyweds; you can go as couples\/be there, 30\/40 years married. It will literally\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: Two-and-a-half\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014maybe save your marriage; if not, I guarantee it will enhance your marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014two-and-a-half days; we\u2019ve had people actually hand us their divorce papers at the conference, saying they came as a last-ditch effort; and this changed their lives. It\u2019s pretty remarkable of how God shows up and you hear God\u2019s game plan for marriage. \r\n\r\nDave: So go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can sign up there or call FamilyLife: 800-FL-TODAY. I\u2019m telling you: it will be one of the best things you ever do.\r\n\r\nAnother best thing you\u2019ll ever do is listen to this show today\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014because we\u2019ve got Dave and Ashley Willis back with us again. Welcome to FamilyLife Today.\r\n\r\nAshley: Thank you all.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: Thank you.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: Ann wanted you to be like Dennis Rainey. And I think Ashley wants me to \r\n\r\nbe like Dave Wilson, so it just continues. \r\n\r\nDave: You\u2019ve got way too much hair; you're never going to look like this. You got good \r\n\r\nhair, dude.\r\n\r\nAshley: He does have some good hair.\r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, he does.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: It's the only reason why I want to go to high school reunions. I found that, \r\n\r\nas a guy, the only reason a man really wants to go to a high school reunion is because \r\n\r\nhe still has his hair. It's not to see people\u2014it's just like it doesn't matter what you're \r\n\r\ndoing for a living\u2014it just, \u201cI've got my hair.\u201d It's all\u2014\r\n\r\nAshley: \u2014so silly. \r\n\r\nDave Willis: Well, all I know is you\u2019ve got a perfectly-shaped head though. \r\n\r\nAnn: He does, doesn't he? \r\n\r\nAshley: You do.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: He's so symmetrical. \r\n\r\nDave: You're trying to be affirming now, aren't you?\r\n\r\nAnn: You're very handsome, honey.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: You have to have high testosterone to lose your hair in the first place. \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah, you do. \r\n\r\nDave Willis: So it's because you're so much of a man. \r\n\r\nDave: I know; it is. \r\n\r\nAnn: It's not easy. Is it Dave?\r\n\r\nDave: It isn't. All I know is I'm looking at your latest book, Naked &amp;amp; Healthy, and there's \r\n\r\na picture of you guys on the cover. No publisher\u2019s ever put us on the cover, honey.\r\n\r\nAnn: Why is that? What happened?\r\n\r\nDave: It's not because of you; it\u2019s because of me. They don't want a bald guy in front of \r\n\r\na book. \r\n\r\nAnn: You guys are so cute. But [with]your ministry, you have really impacted hundreds \r\n\r\nof thousands of people. You are helping marriages everywhere around the world. So \r\n\r\nthank you for what you've been doing: you've been writing books; you have a podcast\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014called Naked Marriage. We\u2019ve already described Naked Marriage does not \r\n\r\nmean you sit in a room, naked; it is all about vulnerability and naked understanding. It\u2019s \r\n\r\njust beautiful. \r\n\r\nThis book, Naked and Healthy\u2014first of all, we\u2019ve talked about it a little bit\u2014how did you even come up with the idea of \u201chealthy\u201d? Because you\u2019re talking about mental health; you\u2019re talking about spiritual health and physical health. Today, we get to talk about the spiritual part. But where even did the concept come? \r\n\r\nAshley: We just, in the couples that we worked with over the many years we\u2019ve done marriage ministry, we just saw this tendency of couples, not having health in all of those areas, and how really both the husband and wife are individuals, who have their individual health; but also, it affects the marriage collectively. When one of us is struggling with mental health, it\u2019s going to affect the other. When one of us is really not feeling good physically, it\u2019s going to affect the other. Sometimes you both are dealing with those things; sometimes you both are having mental health or physical issues. \r\n\r\nWe just wanted to talk about: \u201cWhat does it look like in us, individually, striving towards better health; but also, in our marriage, having a healthier marriage? How do we navigate that?\u201d Because sometimes, when we\u2019re not on the same page on our health journey, it can cause a lot of fights. We talk about that: we talk about how you can grow healthier physically, mentally and spiritually as an individual; but also, how, in that journey, you can also grow stronger in your marriage. \r\n\r\nDave: Let\u2019s talk about the spiritual; because I know a lot of couples probably feel like: \u201cWe\u2019re in different places. We\u2019re not compatible, spiritually. We may be in physically, and mentally, and emotionally; but this area, there\u2019s a little gap or a disconnect.\u201d What do you say? \r\n\r\nObviously, we\u2019ve already said, it\u2019s a really important part of your marriage. But what do you say to a couple, who feels like, \u201cI\u2019m not able to connect on the same level or a different level than my spouse\u201d?\r\n\r\nDave Willis: I would say, first off, it\u2019s really worth the effort. Our culture\u2019s given us this myth that, as long as you\u2019ve got chemistry\/as long as there\u2019s physical connection, then that\u2019s all you really need. That alone is the recipe for a terrible relationship.\r\n\r\nAnn: They would probably say, \u201cAnd if you have a spiritual [connection, then] that\u2019s just a great bonus.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave Willis: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: It\u2019s not at the forefront of their thinking.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: It\u2019s not. But really, it needs to be the foundational part. Of the three, it\u2019s the most important. Jesus tells the parable of the storm coming, and \u201cWhere\u2019s your life built?\u201d You\u2019ve got to build your life on the rock. If you don\u2019t have that foundation, the storms of life are going to blow you over.\r\n\r\nWithin marriage, it\u2019s building that house together on the rock\u2014which is your faith in God\/His Word\u2014being unified in that, because storms of life are going to come. Sadly, a lot of couples don\u2019t realize how spiritually disconnected they are until a storm comes along, and really knocks them off the foundation. They realize, \u201cI thought we were just doing pretty good; but we were on autopilot, and the spiritual aspect of our lives\u2014our faith in Christ\/our being rooted together in Him\u2014had just not been a priority.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: I\u2019m going to read that Scripture, because it\u2019s one of our favorites. \r\n\r\nDave Willis: Yes, read it; read it.\r\n\r\nAshely: We love this. \r\n\r\nAnn: It\u2019s at the end of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7. It says this:\r\n\r\nEveryone then who hears these words of Mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it \r\n\r\n[Matthew 7:24-27].\r\n\r\nYou guys, I want you to talk through that. You\u2019ve already been doing it, Dave; but walk us through the importance and how you\u2019ve probably seen so many houses fall, over the years of ministry in marriage. \r\n\r\nAshley: Right, and I think\u2014you know, we always say, too, when your house\u2014you can have all those winds hitting your house, and it can even crumble on the rock; but the rock\u2019s there to support you. I think, even in our health journeys, we can feel that. We can be like: \u201cMan, it\u2019s another diagnosis,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s another thing with my mental illness is flaring up again; I\u2019m having those anxiety attacks again,\u201d or whatever it is. I think, even when we go through that, when we have a spiritual health in our life\u2014when we\u2019re building our house, so to speak, on the truth of God\u2019s Word and our relationship with Him\u2014we can get through anything. We really can. \r\n\r\nI think a lot of times, where the spiritual aspect really comes to light\u2014it\u2019s one of the big ones is when we\u2019re going through troubles\u2014but also, I find this, when couples have children, because they\u2019re not sure what role faith is going to play in raising those children. So many times, couples reach out to us, and they\u2019ll say, \u201cI know I definitely\/I kind of strayed away from the church for a while; but I really want to come back to the Lord, and I want to raise our children in the church. But my husband\u201d or \u201c\u2026my wife is saying, \u2018Well, just you and the kids go.\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAshley: It really grieves the spouse\u2019s heart, who\u2019s going to church; and the spouse at home is like, \u201cYou\u2019re weird. I don\u2019t even want to do that. I was raised like that. It didn\u2019t seem real to me; I don\u2019t want any part of it.\u201d So you start to see that conflict rise there. \r\n\r\nThe reason we wrote this book about health, and especially about the spiritual side of it, is that it really is, I believe, the most important aspect of our health. Because again, it\u2019s the thing that can get us through all those other times when we\u2019re having trouble in the other areas. \r\n\r\nWhen you\u2019re going through this, I think it\u2019s really important to just talk openly and honestly about really where you are in your spiritual journey; and don\u2019t be afraid. You\u2019ve got to get naked, so to speak, and be vulnerable about it. If you are doubting God, don\u2019t be afraid to go to your spouse and say, \u201cListen, I long to feel the way you do about the Lord, but this thing happened to me\u2026\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve just had these doubts, and I don\u2019t know what to do with them; so let\u2019s talk through that.\u201d I think that\u2019s where you start to see couples really get a better understanding of each other; but also, really kind of grow in the Lord when they can be that honest. \r\n\r\nDave: Let me ask you this: \u201cIf you\u2019re the spouse who\u2019s going to church, or wanting to pursue a spiritual walk, and your spouse isn\u2019t, how do you talk about it? Maybe they\u2019re adamant; like, \u2018You go. It\u2019s not my thing; it\u2019s never going to be my thing\u2019?\u201d Maybe you started the marriage thinking that: \u201cWe were going to be somewhat compatible here\u201d; but you realize: \u201cWow, we\u2019re not.\u201d How do you navigate that?\r\n\r\nDave Willis: We get a lot of those messages. If you\u2019re listening, and you\u2019re in that dynamic, we pray for you; because I think that can be such a lonely place, when you\u2019re the believing spouse, and you feel like you\u2019re trying carry that alone\u2014and the most important part of your life\u2014your faith in Christ isn\u2019t something that your spouse will share with you. It\u2019s so hard to have complete intimacy when the most important part of your life is something that they\u2019re not willing to participate in. \r\n\r\nThe Bible gives us some good practical instruction on here in Paul\u2019s writings in the New Testament. To kind of summarize what he says, it\u2019s to keep loving them; to try to win them over with your good deeds [1 Peter 3:1]. Nowhere in there does it say: \u201cBeat them over the head,\u201d \u201cPreach at them,\u201d \u201cTell them that they\u2019re terrible,\u201d \u201cGuilt them into it.\u201d \r\n\r\nBut it\u2019s: \u201cLove them,\u201d \u201cServe them,\u201d \u201cBe kind to them,\u201d \u201cLet them know you\u2019re praying for them,\u201d \u201cLet them see through you\u2019re an authentic, but imperfect, example\u201d\u2014because none of us are perfect\u2014but your authentic example that you really believe what you say you believe and you\u2019re doing your part to live it out. Talk about the difference it\u2019s making in your life; and what you\u2019re learning; and how you\u2019re growing; and how you\u2019re praying for them; and how, someday, you\u2019d love to be able to share this with them. But do it in a way that is inviting and that is\u2014the Bible also says be willing to give\/to testify to the reason for the hope that you have\u2014but do it with \u201cgentleness and respect.\u201d That\u2019s \r\n\r\n1 Peter [3:15] that says that. \r\n\r\nBe willing to say what your faith is about, and why you believe what you believe, and why you\u2019re doing what you\u2019re doing; but do it with gentleness and respect\u2014and not that animosity, or anger, or frustration of like\u2014\u201cWell, if you would do it with me, life would be so much easier.\u201d Be kind and, sometimes, you\u2019re going to have to pray. While you are praying for your spouse, pray, \u201cGod, give me the right attitude with my spouse; help me be a reflection of Your love and grace instead of just my own flesh getting in the way and my own frustration getting in the way. Let me really love them the way You love them, Jesus. Let them see that\/a glimpse of that through me.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: But we tend to be\u2014and this is me\u2014I tend to be like: \u201cYou should do this,\u201d and \u201cYou should be getting in the Word.\u201d And I\u2019ve done that with our kids, too; especially with teenagers. I remember I was like, \u201cYou guys, we should be in the Word, and let\u2019s do this.\u201d It was like I pulled out my ball bat; and I was like [stern voice], \u201cHere\u2019s what we\u2019re doing now!\u201d [Laughter] I realized\u2014they\u2019d have this glazed look in their eye\u2014like, \u201cHere she goes again on her soapbox.\u201d \r\n\r\nBut then, as I was praying, I felt like God was saying exactly what you\u2019re saying, Dave: \u201cShow them; show them how much you love Jesus. Don\u2019t tell them what they should do. Let them see it in your own life.\u201d So I just started saying at the dinner table, naturally\/it wasn\u2019t contrived, like, \u201cLet me tell you what God\u2019s showing me today. Let me tell you about how I was in the grocery store, and I paid for this lady\u2019s groceries today; because I felt God say that I should.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: She does that all the time. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAshley: I love it.\r\n\r\nAnn: But I\u2019ll have these stories of these God encounters. That\u2019s when I remember our kids were like, \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cAre you crazy, Mom?\u201d Like I\u2019d stop on the side of the road for somebody that needed help if it was a woman, or things that I felt like God was stirring in me\u2014not to condemn or to think, \u201cOh, she\u2019s so amazing,\u201d\u2014because I also shared my struggles. \r\n\r\nI think, too, as a couple, to talk about your faith journeys: \u201cWhat did your faith look like, growing up? How did you come to believe or not believe? What happened in your life?\u201d I think that reveals a lot. Do you guys\/have you found that too?\r\n\r\nDave Willis: Yes.\r\n\r\nAshely: Absolutely, and it\u2019s about that vulnerability\u2014being willing to talk about it, but not judging each other\u2014because, a lot of times, we do come from very different backgrounds. \r\n\r\nI\u2019ll just say ours: Dave grew up in a home, where he went to church every Sunday; probably a lot of Wednesdays; was heavily involved in his youth group. And I grew up in a home that I would consider faith-friendly, but not necessarily a Christian home. We were CEOs; we\u2019d go Christmas and Easter Only. \r\n\r\nAnn: That was me; yes, our family; \u201cChreasters.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave Willis: \"Chreasters,\u201d yes.\r\n\r\nAshley: Yes, but it was friendly. I mean, I could talk about God. Once I came to the faith, at 12 years old, I\u2019m grateful I had parents who would drop me off at church to go to youth group. \r\n\r\nYou know, the way that my parents\u2014and I want to say this to anybody, listening, too, who has a spouse, who doesn\u2019t yet believe in Jesus\u2014if you are bringing your kids to church, and they get involved in things at church, it\u2019s a great opportunity for your spouse to go and to see what God is doing in your child\u2019s life. You never know if that\u2019s going to actually bring them closer to the Lord. That\u2019s actually what happened with my parents and, also, many of my friends\u2019 parents\u2014is they would come\u2014and they would see me sing in the show choir at church, or they would come and help me volunteer for whatever activity we were doing. Don\u2019t count God out on them. \r\n\r\nI think we\u2019re thinking, \u201cWe\u2019re the ones; it\u2019s our responsibility.\u201d We do play a role; but God loves them more than we even love them, so just pray for them and know that God is who started that good work in them\/that little seed. You\u2019re a big part of that little seed; He\u2019s going to continue to work in them.\r\n\r\nI love what you said, Ann. I think making faith and following Jesus as real, and just real right before their eyes, and not using Christian-ese\u2014like a language they don\u2019t understand that they\u2019re like, \u201cThat\u2019s weird; they\u2019re part of a cult,\u201d\u2014just being very real and talking about what God is doing in your life. It shows them\/it kind of is giving them that little: \u201cTaste and see that the Lord is good,\u201d\u2014and just pointing it out\u2014like: \u201cSee what God has done; I was praying for that for us,\u201d \u201cThat financial breakthrough; I\u2019ve been praying for that. You heard me pray for that.\u201d Just pointing it out and saying, \u201cGod is with us,\u201d\u2014not being weird about it\u2014but just saying, \u201cLook, God\u2019s working,\u201d and then leave it there; because God\u2019s going to do the rest. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about your spiritual relationship in your marriage; because I know there\u2019s couples listening, like, \u201cWe are both believers. We do go to church together; but sometimes we struggle to connect as a couple, spiritually.\u201d We call it in our Vertical Marriage book, \u201cGoing vertical.\u201d How do you guys do that?\r\n\r\nDave Willis: There is something really intimate about praying together. Couples who aren\u2019t doing that, I feel like they\u2019re missing out. \r\n\r\nI was reminded about this\u2014how intimate it can be\u2014my parents right now, who are kind of faith heroes of mine, and heroes for a lot of ways\/a lot of reasons. You know, my dad\u2019s been through just a terrible year-and-a-half\u2014he had a near-death heart incident; and then he had a cancer diagnosis, and he had to deal with that; and then, right out of that, he had a staph infection in his knee that basically has crippled him for the last year, where he has been in terrible pain. He hasn\u2019t been able to walk, and it\u2019s just been a really painful process to get that under control. He\u2019s finally coming out of it. \r\n\r\nBut in kind of the worst part of it\u2014where he was in this agonizing pain, and he\u2019d be laying on the couch, and he\u2019d had whatever pain medication he could have for the day, and there was nothing else he could do, and he\u2019s just in agony\u2014I would hear stories from him and mom about them, just holding hands, and with tears in both their eyes, them just praying these heart-felt passionate prayers together for God\u2019s strength. Them talking about those moments now, as painful as they were, some of the most intimate moments of any kind they\u2019ve ever shared in their marriage. \r\n\r\nI feel like, when a couple will bring whatever they\u2019re facing to God\u2014the gratitude in their \r\n\r\nheart for what\u2019s going on; or the gut-wrenching pain of: \u201cWe don\u2019t even have the words, \r\n\r\nLord. But just we\u2019re going to hold hands and cry out together and call out to You,\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nsharing that, in faith, and knowing that Jesus is right there with you in the midst of it, it\u2019s \r\n\r\nsome of the most intimate moments a couple can share. And so we try to encourage\u2014\r\n\r\nremind ourselves of that\u2014and then, encourage other couples to not get out of the habit \r\n\r\nof seeking God together. And yeah, it's an individual thing\u2014we each, on our own, have \r\n\r\nto seek the Lord\u2014but as a married couple, we have this unique, beautiful time to be a \r\n\r\ncord of three strands\u2014where it's a husband, and wife, and the Lord\u2014to say, \u201cLet's seek \r\n\r\nthe Lord together.\u201d In doing that, the closeness we feel, not only with Him, but with one \r\n\r\nanother is really something special. \r\n\r\nAnd it doesn't have to be like\u2014I think some people are intimidated\u2014\"I don't have all this \r\n\r\ndeep theological language. I don't know what to say.\u201d It's like: \u201cListen, just talk to your \r\n\r\nheavenly Father. He loves you; your Father in heaven loves you. Talk to Him like you \r\n\r\nwould talk to your best friend in the world.\u201d If you'll just come to Him, with a heart of faith \r\n\r\ntogether, it\u2019s going to do wonders. It\u2019s going to take probably one spouse\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014initiating.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: \u2014initiating. \r\n\r\nAshley: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: If you\u2019re the spouse [who] maybe is a little bit more comfortable in that area, then be the one to initiate. And then just be so supportive of your spouse in that journey as they pray, like, encourage them; and just talk about what it meant to you to hear them talk to God; and how it brought you closer to the Lord in that moment, and closer to your spouse too. Really encourage them in that, and build that up, instead of making your spouse feel bad for not praying as much as you or whatever. Build each other up, and those moments can be really special.\r\n\r\nAnn: I think, too, for women\u2014I know that I went through a phase of being bitter that Dave wasn\u2019t initiating\u2014and then I would think, \u201cOh, well, he\u2019s the leader; he\u2019s supposed to initiate prayer.\u201d Who wins in that?\u2014like Satan has just won. I wouldn\u2019t pray; and Dave wouldn\u2019t pray; because he\u2019s asleep, feeling great about everything; and I\u2019m sitting over there, feeling bitter about the whole thing. \r\n\r\nInstead of doing that, I remember, as I was complaining to God\u2014like, \u201cThere, he fell asleep, and we were supposed to pray,\u201d\u2014I remember God just nudging me, like, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just pray? He fell asleep; go ahead and pray.\u201d I\u2019d feel like, \u201cOh, yes; God got that victory,\u201d because I\u2019d just put my hand on Dave; prayed out loud. He didn\u2019t mean to fall asleep; you know, he just fell asleep. \r\n\r\nI think it\u2019s really important that, if God presses it on your heart, just initiate. And if you have a spouse [who\u2019s] not a praying kind of person\u2014maybe they don\u2019t even have faith\u2014still, there is something so sweet about your spouse putting their hand on your shoulder at night, saying, \u201cJesus, thank You for my spouse. Thank You that he\u2019s a good man,\u201d or \u201c\u2026she\u2019s a great wife,\u201d or whatever. You\u2019re praying positive words over them.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: That just does something to melt the heart and make you responsive to God, because God is always loving us.\r\n\r\nAshley: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes; I was thinking, you know, where we started was Matthew 7. It\u2019s really interesting, when you look at that passage and think, \u201cOkay, what did Jesus say the wise man does compared to the fool?\u201d I\u2019ve read it at church over times and tried to see if people notice I took something out; nobody ever notices. I\u2019ll say something like this, \u201cMatthew 7 is amazing; it says: \u2018Everyone who hears these words of Mine is like a wise man who built his house on the rock,\u2019 and nobody realizes that\u2019s not what He said.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: You have to put it into practice.\r\n\r\nDave: He said, \u201cEveryone who hears these words of Mine and does them or puts them into practice,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the difference. Because I think we think the spiritual part of our marriage is: \u201cGo to church; get in a small group,\u201d\u2014which, obviously, is awesome; it\u2019s wonderful\u2014but then, we\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, that\u2019s it; we\u2019ve got the spiritual thing. We go to church once a month,\u201d or \u201c\u2026twice; we\u2019ve got the kids in the kids\u2019 program,\u201d\u2014never thinking\u2014\u201cWait, wait, wait; wisdom is I\u2019m going to apply what\u2014I\u2019m not a hearer\u2014I\u2019m a doer.\u201d \r\n\r\nEverything you are talking about right now is like: \u201cNo, let\u2019s put this into practice. Let\u2019s pray together,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s not talk about it\/not listen to it; let\u2019s do it.\u201d Dave, you said, in a previous program, \u201cStart today.\u201d I remember you saying, \u201cStart today.\u201d I thought, \u201cWhat a great word,\u201d because there\u2019s a couple listening right now, who\u2019s, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll start that next month.\u201d No;\u2014\r\n\r\nDave Willis: \u2014start today.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014today, right now. Maybe it would be the first time you ever prayed with your spouse to go vertical\/to bring the spiritual part. And there\u2019s a husband, I know, going, \u201cBut I don\u2019t really even pray out loud. I don\u2019t know how to pray.\u201d I\u2019ve said many times: \u201cHere\u2019s a prayer. Grab her hand and say, \u2018Help! Amen.\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAshley: Yes, there you go.\r\n\r\nDave: You sort of think, \u201cWell, that\u2019s not a prayer.\u201d Oh, yes; we know that Jesus is rushing to any husband or wife, who pray, \u201cWe need Your help.\u201d\r\n\r\nAshley: Yes.\r\n\r\nDave: And that prayer will grow. It will morph into something maybe longer, and who cares if it does or doesn\u2019t. But that\u2019s just laying a foundation to say, \u201cLet\u2019s just start there.\u201d \r\n\r\nI got to say this: thank you, you guys; the last three programs with you are going to help so many people. You\u2019ve already helped us. Thanks for being on FamilyLife. It\u2019s great to have you here.\r\n\r\nAshley: It\u2019s our honor to be here.\r\n\r\nDave Willis: Thank you, guys. Thanks for what you\u2019re doing; we love it.\r\n\r\nAnn: We are Ann and Dave Wilson. You've been listening to FamilyLife Today, with \r\n\r\nDave and Ashley Willis, our good friends.\r\n\r\nDave: And their book we've been talking about for the last couple days is a great one; \r\n\r\nyou need to get it. It's called Naked &amp;amp; Healthy: Uncover the Lifestyle Your Mind, Body, \r\n\r\nSpirit, and Marriage Needs. And again, what a great couple days with them. You can go \r\n\r\nto FamilyLifeToday.com and get that book. Or if you'd like, give us a call at \r\n\r\n800-358-6329. That's 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY. \r\n\r\nAnother thing that's happening right now is you can get half off at our Family Life \r\n\r\nmarriage getaway; it's called the Weekend to Remember. You know why?\u2014because \r\n\r\nyou're never going to forget this weekend. God is using it to transform marriages, and \r\n\r\nHe'll transform yours. I know, if you're like us, you're like, \u201cMan, we need a better \r\n\r\nmarriage.\u201d Yeah, well, you can come to the weekend; it'll change your marriage. You \r\n\r\ncan sign up, right now, for half off. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; sign up there. \r\n\r\nYou can pick any city in the country\u2014you can pick your own city\u2014get a weekend away \r\n\r\nand let God work a miracle in your marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn: And let me just add: we just finished speaking at one of these conferences. It is \r\n\r\namazing the life-change\/marriage-change stories we hear after these events\u2014like \r\n\r\npeople who were going to get divorced, who think, \u201cOh, we now have a plan, and we \r\n\r\ncan understand what God has in store for us.\u201d Maybe, they've forgiven each other for \r\n\r\nthe first time\u2014it's a powerful weekend. Don't miss it, and don't miss this opportunity.\r\n\r\nDave: And by the way, another thing you could do is you might think of another \r\n\r\ncouple\u2014maybe, your kids, or a neighbor, or somebody in your church\u2014that you think, \r\n\r\n\u201cMan, I'd love to gift them to go to the Weekend to Remember. You can do that; we \r\n\r\nhave gift cards that you can purchase\u2014again, half off\u2014and then, gift it to somebody \r\n\r\nelse and let them be blessed.\r\n\r\nAnn: This could be an amazing wedding gift to a couple getting married or remarried.\r\n\r\nDave: So again, just go to FamilyLifeToday.com; you can sign up there and get the gift \r\n\r\ncard; or go yourself.\r\n\r\nAnn: And we'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2025 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/311756","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=311756"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=311756"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=311756"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=311756"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=311756"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=311756"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=311756"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}