{"id":309438,"date":"2024-10-28T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-10-28T08:17:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham\/"},"modified":"2024-11-19T04:14:36","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T09:14:36","slug":"relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham\/","title":{"rendered":"#RelationshipGoals with Collin &#038; Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, Anna Markham"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Want to exceed your #relationshipgoals? Tune in for a candid discussion of five things that research shows improve marital satisfaction for men from couples at various stages of love and marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Want to exceed your #relationshipgoals? Tune in for a candid discussion of five things that research shows improve marital satisfaction for men.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":309439,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/b63e8807-54ca-4131-b905-b203015b0161\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:06","filesize":"27.62M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2934],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9909],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-309438","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","cwp_profile-dr-collin-outerbridge","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/10\/image_b67f1b.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/309438\/relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/309438\/relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"LehFjPD7b8\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham\/\">#RelationshipGoals with Collin &#038; Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, Anna Markham<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relationshipgoals-with-collin-stacey-outerbridge-joseph-torres-anna-markham\/embed\/#?secret=LehFjPD7b8\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;#RelationshipGoals with Collin &#038; Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, Anna Markham&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"LehFjPD7b8\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["b63e8807-54ca-4131-b905-b203015b0161"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/b63e8807-54ca-4131-b905-b203015b0161\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:30:06"],"filesize":["27.62M"],"_thumbnail_id":["309439"],"show_notes":["\n<ul>\n<li>Check out the '<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/married-with-benefits\">Married with Benefits Podcast<\/a>' by Family Life!<\/li>\n<li>Grab Shaunti Feldhahn's book: \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-surprising-secrets-of-highly-happy-marriages-the-little-things-that-make-a-big-difference\/\">The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Couples<\/a>\".<\/li>\n<li>You can watch a clip of Episode 2 of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=YKpoTJUP2j0\">Married with Benefits here<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Sign up to receive Amberly Neese\u2019s five-week video series, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/content_offer\/finding-common-ground\/\">Moving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World<\/a>.\u201d Amberly, author and comedian, offers insights on fostering peace in our communities despite differing views.<br \/>\n<hr>\n<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-10-28.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\n#RelationshipGoals\r\n\r\nGuests:Collin and Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, and Anna Markham\r\n\r\nFrom the series:MWB Reaction (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:October 28, 2024\r\n\r\nCollin:We have made a commitment to our wives to love them. We've made a commitment to serve them; and sometimes, that means sacrificing even what we might want, along that path and alongside that journey.\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nDave:So we have an exciting day in the studio today.\r\n\r\nAnn: It's a unique day.\r\n\r\nDave:First thing is: we have more people in here than we've ever had. We have three couples, counting us. We're going to talk about Married with Benefits\u00ae podcast that FamilyLife does and get some responses. \r\n\r\nBut before we go there, we got to let our listeners know who's in the [studio]. We've got an engaged couple getting married in a hundred-plus days. Guys, tell our listeners who you are.\r\n\r\nJoseph: My name's Joseph Torres, and\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnna:I'm Anna.\r\n\r\nDave:Anna, who?\r\n\r\nAnna:Anna Markham.\r\n\r\nDave:Well, that's an important name, here at FamilyLife, because your dad works for this place.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and your mom. \r\n\r\nJoseph: That's true. \r\n\r\nDave: And sitting on the other side of the studio, Outerbridges; tell our listeners who you are.\r\n\r\nCollin:Yeah, my name's Collin; this is my wife, Stacey.\r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, we're so excited to be here. We have the privilege of leading a local church called Nona Church here in the Lake Nona community. And we have four beautiful children. We're super excited to be here, around this table, getting to talk about how to engage in marriage and have a happy marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn: And you guys have been married 15 years. \r\n\r\nStacey: Fifteen. \r\n\r\nCollin: Fifteen years; that's right. \r\n\r\nAnn: High school sweethearts.\r\n\r\nStacey: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: So what are we doing today, Dave Wilson?\r\n\r\nDave:Well, I was just thinking, \u201cWe've got an engaged couple that knows nothing about marriage. They think they do.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: But they're going to be amazing. \r\n\r\nDave: They're going to be amazing. \r\n\r\nJoseph: \u2014God willing.\r\n\r\nDave: You guys [Outerbridges] know a lot about marriage; and then, you got 44 years married over here [Wilsons]. \r\n\r\nToday's an interesting day. FamilyLife has a podcast called Married With Benefits with Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti's a world-renowned author, a Harvard-trained researcher. All of her books are based on research\u2014which I find fascinating\u2014she interviews and tabulates results from couples. A book that she wrote years ago, Ann and I love, is called The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Couples, sort of a strange title. But she said: \u201cI want to find the happiest, most satisfied couples in the country in the area of marriage. I want to study them and find out: \u2018What did they do that makes them happy and satisfied?\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: And she goes the opposite way\u2014I think a lot of us are looking at: \u201cWhat did they do wrong?\u201d\u2014she's looking at: \u201cWhat are they doing right?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave:So she had a survey, with thousands of couples, where she put them in a category: if the husband and the wife\u2014and they didn't know this\u2014they didn't do this together; they were separate; they didn't know what their spouse was saying\u2014if they both answered the question: \u201cAre you satisfied and happy in your marriage?\u201d\u2014\"Yes\u201d; she put them in the top category as the best couples. Others, who said: \u201cI love my marriage,\u201d\/\u201dI really like my marriage, but I wouldn't\u2026\u201d, they're not in the category. So those are your couples.\r\n\r\nAnn: And they both had to say, \u201cI'm highly happy.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave:Yeah; she calls them \u201chighly-happy couples.\u201d She says, \u2018Okay, let's study them and find out what their secrets are.\u201d She came up with eight, and Brian and Shaunti have been talking about this on their podcast. By the way, if you haven't seen this, it's on YouTube; go there. Or listen to it on Spotify.\r\n\r\nAnn: And this is Season Four, and this is Episode Three that we're talking about.\r\n\r\nDave:And all that to get us to this: \u201cOne of the surprising secrets that she discovered is that little things in marriage are really, really big.\u201d She got to the point where she could identify the most important top five for men\u2014that are little; that are big\u2014and then, women. \r\n\r\nToday, we're going to talk about the Fans\/she calls it \u201cThe Fantastic Five for Men\/for Husbands\u201d: \u201cWhat is it that if you do, as a wife, this lights up his life?\u201d Alright, so we're going to watch about ten minutes of Brian and Shaunti talking about this; and then, you, the experts\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014those who are with us at the table.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014are going to give us some feedback. \r\n\r\nCollin: Oh, boy. \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah; so let's watch Brian and Shaunti talk about this; and then, let's talk about it.\r\n\r\n[Previous Married with Benefits Podcast]\r\n\r\nBrian:Hopefully, you're listening to this, as a couple\u2014you can be able to reach over and go: \u201cThat's it for me,\u201d \u201cYes; I love those,\u201d\u2014and just encourage each other as you're listening to each one of these. So let's talk about \u201cThe Fantastic Five for Her.\u201d Shaunti, I want you to do those. I'm going to do the ones for the guys to do for his wife.\r\n\r\nShaunti: So these are the ones for your husband's, ladies. And these are not going to be 100 percent; but in most cases, it was in that 75\/80 percent range. \r\n\r\nSo the first, since it's for a guy\u2014what they're concerned about is all about: \u201cAm I doing the right thing for her?\u201d\u2014it's about what I do: \u201cAm I a good husband?\u201d \u201cAm I a good father?\u201d Notice that effort, and say, \u201cThank you.\u201d That was one of the things that was the big \u201cAha\u201d moment, now, that has helped in a lot of books\u2014a lot of research\u2014to find that, for a man, the words, \u201cThank you,\u201d are kind of the equivalent of a woman hearing, \u201cI love you.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian:Wow; just to notice, and to specifically say it, too? Or\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: Yes!\r\n\r\nBrian:\u2014not just \u201cThank you\u201d; don't just say \u201cThank you,\u201d all the time now. It's like\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: Well, it's noticing\u2014\r\n\r\nBrian: \u2014for something; yes.\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014for something: \u201cThanks for changing the light bulbs. That was driving me absolutely nuts; thanks for doing that.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian:And that doesn't seem like a big deal; but for some of us guys, that is handyman work: \u201cI did the light bulbs,\u201d \u201cDid anybody notice I changed the batteries in the smoke detectors?\u201d\r\n\r\nShaunti: Exactly; \"Did anybody notice?\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian: \u201cI can handle that; yes.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Exactly; whatever\u2014he did something with the kids: you were on a Zoom call; it was noisy; the kids were driving you crazy. He took them out in the yard to play catch or something to get them out of the house. \u201cThank you so much for doing that. That meant so much to me.\u201d It may seem like a little thing, but it's a really big one.\r\n\r\nBrian:It makes a big difference. So that's the first one: \u201cSaying, \u2018Thank you.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nShaunti: And the second one is then taking it to the next step, and saying: \u201cAnd you did a really good job at that,\u201d \u201cI love how you are with the kids,\u201d \u201cI love how you have just the right mix, when little Johnny stumbled and hurt himself, that you had the\u2014\u2018Oh, I'm so sorry; but get back up,\u2019\u2014just the right mix of the sympathy and the \u2018Suck it up.\u2019\u201d And so saying, \u201cYou did a good job at that.\u201d You may think he knows that; don't assume that.\r\n\r\nBrian:And you say this, in For Women Only, is that there is that little tinge of insecurity that every guy wakes up with: \u201cEvery morning, I wake up with: \u2018Will anyone notice?\u2019 \u201cDo I matter?\u2019 \u2018Am I strong enough to do what I need to do during the day?\u2019\u201d And so when somebody actually notices that, and says, \u201cYou did a great job, doing that\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u201cGreat job.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian: \u2014it does\/it puffs you up.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Yes; So then, the number-three thing is even the next level to that, which is to actually mention something that he did well in front of other people. If we're talking 101; that is level 501, right?\u2014that is, for a guy\u2014he'll be like\u2014you say something in front of your girlfriends; you're out to dinner with a couple other couples\u2014and you're like, \u201cYou know what? I was so over it with that Zoom call. I couldn't hear myself think; I was worried about what my boss was thinking. And then, he took the kids; and he kept them, and he played with them.\u201d He was so good about this one thing; and you're saying this, in front of other people at the dinner; and he's going, \u201cAh, yeah; whatever.\u201d And inside, he's like [heart pumping sounds]; inside, \"This is a big deal.\u201d \r\n\r\nTell me, if from a guy's perspective\u2014\r\n\r\nBrian:I just think about how these build on each other: \u201cThank you,\u201d \u201cYou did a great job of this,\u201d\u2014now, next level\u2014\"I'm going to brag about you in front of my friends.\u201d Guys do feel that differently. And really it is\/it makes a huge difference that it's my spouse.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Yes!\r\n\r\nBrian:And you would think that it wouldn't; but it's like I still think one of my chief goals in life is to make Jen happy and\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: You and most other men.\r\n\r\nBrian:\u2014or just to catch her attention. It didn't change, when I was playing basketball, when we were dating\u2014and I was like, when she was by the court; in fact, my guys would be like, \u201cWe always hated when Jen would walk by the court, because that's when you kind of took over,\u201d\u2014yeah, because I\u2019m playing for an audience of one at that moment.\r\n\r\nShaunti: There you go; absolutely. Well, I think a lot of wives don't realize how much their husband is playing for an audience of one. \r\n\r\nWhat we have to confront\u2014and I probably should put brackets around these things\u2014and make sure that the women listening to this, with kind of maybe a skeptical, \u201cReally?\u201d is: \u201cRemember, you're thinking, \u2018Oh, great; now, I'm stroking his ego,\u2019 like, \u2018Oh, I'm just making the monster worse.\u2019\u201d Here's the thing: he doesn't have an ego in the way you think about it, which is: \u201cHe's so prideful; he's so puffed up. He kind of needs to be taken down a peg or two.\u201d \r\n\r\nBrian:Yeah; \u201cHe's narcissistic.\u201d\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014\u201cnarcissistic.\u201d\r\n\r\nInstead, what we found: the vast majority of men, statistically\u2014depending on the survey, it was somewhere between 75 and 85 percent of men\u2014actually, they don't have that ego; they have a deep self-doubt. That is what is the issue. You're not puffing up his head when you thank him sincerely\/genuinely for something\u2014and in front of others if it is something that matters\u2014you're not puffing up his head. You're like giving him this great soothing sense of reassurance, as a husband.\r\n\r\nBrian:You're actually filling his soul. It's like you're not puffing up his head; you're filling his soul when you brag.\r\n\r\nShaunti: It's sort of the analogy that somebody told me the other day: \u201cPicture a dry and thirsty land; and you're giving them a little bit of water, a little bit of water, and a little bit of water.\u201d And that's the issue with these little things: pretty soon\u2014that little bit of water every day\u2014it's not a dry and thirsty land anymore.\r\n\r\nBrian:And it's like every guy\u2014probably, most guys\u2014have a dream to be on SportsCenter; or if they like to build stuff, they build something. What's the first thing they want to do?\u2014they take a picture of it; they want to bring people over to the house. There's something in us, as men\u2014and I think it comes back to the image of God\u2014the image of God in all of us is this sense of: \u201cI want to be a creator,\u201d \u201cI want to add value,\u201d \u201cI want to do something to make the area around my life\u2014my garden that God has given me\u2014just a little bit better.\u201d But there's something in us, as men, that's like: \u201cDid anybody see that?\u201d \u201cDid anybody see that catch?\u201d \u201cAnybody see that thing that I just built?\u2014that deck? Did anybody notice that?\u201d\r\n\r\nShaunti: This is the perfect example of the curse. For what we're made for, in the garden, is to be a creator. But the curse was: \u201cI hate to tell you this, Adam; you are going to toil the land by the sweat of your brow. It's going to feel like the thorns and the thistles are always going to be rising up against you. You are going to work, and you are going to work. You\u2019re going to have effort; and you're going to try, and you're going to do. You're always going to feel like, \u2018I don't know; am I getting there? It's not quite\u2026\u2019\u201d And so, ladies, this is just\u2014it's a thing\u2014there's an amazing opportunity here. \r\n\r\nOkay; we should probably go on to\u2014\r\n\r\nBrian: Yes, let\u2019s keep moving.\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014four and five. So that was one, two, and three. Number four: I know some women were waiting for this one. And yes, this is a thing that\u2014when a wife shows her husband she desires him, sexually, and that he pleases her in that way\u2014there is something very, very important, down deep in the heart of a man, that speaks to and provides amazing reassurance.\r\n\r\nBrian:Yeah, you've written about that a lot. It's one of those things where\u2014again, this isn't one of those deals, where if you're in a situation, where you're in an abusive, especially sexually abusive\u2014this is not the one that you're wanting to then put into your life.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Well, in any of these, if you're in that kind of a situation, the application is going to be completely different\u2014because finding things to thank an abusive husband for\u2014no, not going to go well. \r\n\r\nBrian:Yes\u2014but especially, that one\u2014we just want to be clear on that. So that's the first four there: \r\n\r\nNotice his effort; say, \u201cThank you.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cYou did a great job\u2026\u201d\r\n\r\nBrag in front of others.\r\n\r\nShow that she desires him, sexually; that he pleases her. \r\n\r\nWhat's this last of \u201cThe Fantastic Five\u201d?\r\n\r\nShaunti: So the last one is going to sound so simple; it's just to \u201cShow him that he makes you happy.\u201d It's so simple.\r\n\r\nBrian:When does the guy feel that?\r\n\r\nShaunti: Okay, I asked this question of guys; because I kept hearing this. \u201cWhat does that mean?\u2014'I just want to make her happy,\u2019 \u2018I just want to make her happy.\u2019\u201d I think you just said that a few minutes ago:\u2014 \r\n\r\nBrian: I did; I didn't even realize that.\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014\"It's one of my main purposes\u201d; \u201cI just want to make Jen happy.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd we kept asking, \u201cHow does that get shown?\u201d And of course, there's many ways that that gets shown. But the key is, literally, if you seem content in your life\u2014if he sees you smile\u2014that is this. \r\n\r\nI had one guy, who had gone through a difficult season in his marriage. One of the things that was a benefit about the research is we were looking at different categories; including: \u201cWhat gets you from a place of difficulty to a place of really having a happy marriage?\u201d We were asking him, \u201cWhat was it that she did?\u201d\u2014because we asked each of them: \u201cWhat was it that he did?\u201d \u201cWhat was it that she did?\u201d\u2014and this guy said, \u201cIt used to be that, when I would walk in the door, she would [say], \u201cHi,\u201d \u201cYeah, okay,\u201d \u201cHey, the thing needs to be cleaned up,\u201d or whatever\u2014just very transactional\u2014whatever. \r\n\r\nAnd he said, \u201cAnd then, came the day\u2014because we were both working on this\u2014then came the day that I walked in; and she turned around, and just instinctively, I saw this big smile. It was like\u201d\u2014as he was telling me this, he started to cry. Actually, I could tell his eyes were getting a little bit red\u2014and he's like, \u201cI'm so sorry! I don't know where this emotion is coming from. But I knew that something had changed when it was clear that I made her happy.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian:So good. Yeah, each one of those are small.\r\n\r\nShaunti: They're little.\r\n\r\nBrian: They're little.\r\n\r\nShaunti: They\u2019re little bitty things. \r\n\r\nBrian: And they, often, may not come naturally. It is easy\u2014when you're both working and you come back\u2014you just want to relax; or what's on the front of your mind is just all the wrong things that are happening right now.\r\n\r\nShaunti: That's so easy, yes. \r\n\r\nBrian: And so you pull back from that, and go, \u201cOkay, in this moment, how can I help him feel like he makes me happy, just by seeing him?\u201d And when you do that again, and again, and again, it becomes more natural.\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave:So let me ask you this: \u201cWhat jumped out?\u201d\u2014any one of you go\u2014\u201cDid something jump out?\u201d\r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, I would say that last one really rung true with us. One of the things that we've learned is that, even in the midst of the afternoon hustle\u2014before dinner is getting ready, and kids are doing homework; and everything is going on, at once, in the home, I have found that\u2014if I will take a pause when I hear the garage door open, and I know that Collin's coming in, to put down what I'm doing; to tell the kid, \u201cHang on; I'll be back with you in a moment,\u201d and be ready to greet him when he comes in the door with a smile on my face\u2014genuinely expressing how excited I am to see him\u2014man, I feel like it makes a world of difference in our home.\r\n\r\nCollin:It lights up my day. It really does, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Collin, you're saying\u2014and we're talking about number five being that we make it clear to him that he makes her happy\u2014so if Stacey meets you in the garage\u2014you've had a hard day; she probably has, too; but when she meets you in the garage, it makes you feel\u2014\r\n\r\nCollin:It makes me feel home; it makes me feel secure. It makes me feel like the work that I spent doing, over the course of the day, is valued; and it matters. \r\n\r\nI think that Shaunti's onto something that there's no doubt that the thing I care about most is whether or not Stacey's happy or not. And when Stacey's happy, I'm happy. When Stacey's not happy, ain't nobody happy. And so I think, in so many ways, her willingness to recognize the power that she has, and the influence she has on my wellbeing\u2014and leveraging that to care for me and love me\u2014is one of the great gifts that she gives.\r\n\r\nDave:Man; oh, man. Anna, are you taking notes? \r\n\r\nAnna:Yes, absolutely! Whenever I asked Joseph which one stood out to him the most, he said it was number five as well. And just about, how for him, his ultimate desire is to make me happy. I know that right now, as an engaged couple, it definitely looks different; but then taking notes as to what it might look like whenever we do get married. I look forward to that and even getting to implement some of those things later on in life.\r\n\r\nAnn: Well, it's interesting; I talked to this woman\u2014I know her and her husband well\u2014they had moved from one end of the coast to the opposite end of the coast in the United States. The wife was miserable every day: she left her family\/she left the family that she grew up with, her friends, her church\u2014everything\u2014for his job. And I remember asking him, \u201cHow's it going?\u201d And his first response wasn't about the job; he said, \u201cMy wife is miserable.\u201d I pulled her aside; and I said, \u201cDo you know this is killing him that you're miserable?\u201d \r\n\r\nI'm not saying you need to fake it; but what would you say to that wife, not understanding the power she carries, that she's so sad or miserable? What would you say to her?\r\n\r\nCollin:Well, the first thing I would say is, not to the wife, but to the husband. I think that our primary responsibility is to make sure that our [wife is] cared for, that [she feels] secure, and that [she has] what [she needs] to thrive and to flourish. \r\n\r\nI think a huge commitment that Stacey and I have had is there's not a thing in our life, especially when it comes to vocation, that she doesn't have the right to be honest with me about\/to share how she feels about it. I think there's a degree of trust that every couple needs to work toward having; which is, if a wife believes that her husband will leave the thing he loves the most\u2014enjoys the most or spent his life trying to pursue\u2014for the sake of his wife and family, I think it will engender a kind of confidence that will allow her to know, \u201cHey, he's going to pay attention; and no matter how good things are going outside of the home, if they're not going well inside of the home, I trust that he has my back.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd so my first comment would actually be to the husband in that situation and circumstance: \u201cHey, what can we do, as husbands and as men, to never put our wives in a position, where they feel like they have to fake it to make it; or they have to pretend like everything's okay when it's not?\u201d And so that would be my comment, to the husband, is, \u201cHey, we have made a commitment to our wives to love them; we've made a commitment to serve them; and sometimes, that means sacrificing even what we might want, along that path and alongside that journey.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think it's really a mutual submission kind of spirit here. If a husband has that kind of attitude, it probably has an effect on the wife's ability to keep on enduring if she knows her husband has her best interest in mind.\r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, I think that really speaks into that first one about expressing gratitude. So much of that is internal\u2014and even when the external situation around us is hard; and sometimes, it's part of marriage; we go through hard stuff\u2014but when we're looking for the qualities in our spouse that we're grateful for, and we're willing to express those, sometimes that internal awareness of our spouse really has an external impact on the way we view our circumstances. \r\n\r\nEven if it was a really hard day at home\u2014the kids were really fussy\u2014or something hard is going on in my job, being aware that there's this other person, on the other side of me, who is given it their all, they're really trying their best to make me happy and having an attunement to say, \u201cHey, I'm going to express that gratitude.\u201d I can't say how many times where a simple: \u201cHey, I saw you did this\u2026\u201d \u201cI saw you see me being tired, and you decided to pick up dinner on the way; you knew it'd bless me. I really appreciate that.\u201d That goes so far\u2014and it changes our internal awareness of what's going on\u2014and even, our perspective of what's happening, even in the midst of hardship. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cBut what if they don't do anything?\u201d \u201cWhat if they're not looking?\u201d \u201cWhat if you feel like\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: I know what she's talking about; she\u2019s talking about our house.\r\n\r\nAnn: No! I\u2019m totally not talking about you; but I think there's a lot of women, who say, \u201cNo, he doesn't ever notice.\u201d\r\n\r\nStacey: So it's like, \u201cWhat can you look for?\u201d It's like, \u201cCan I have an eye for the things that he is doing right?\u201d We can always find things that they're not doing right; there's always places we can all improve; but when we say, \u201cOkay, I'm going to be intentional to look out for what is something,\u201d\u2014it could be small\u2014\"Hey, thank you for taking the trash out.\u201d It starts small. I think, when we praise those things in our husbands, man, it's like this self-perpetuating cycle that encourages them to be that man that they want to be. They want to be a great provider.\r\n\r\nDave:I could say, from the man's side\u2014we're editing, right now, Ann's book\u2014and I just wrote this story yesterday in her book. We've shared it here before, but it's just this simple: one time, as I sat down for dinner\u2014and we had three younger boys; I think our oldest might've been middle school, maybe\u2014Ann said, \u201cHey, before we eat, guys, I want to say something to Dad.\u201d She turns to me, and she goes, \u201cHey, thanks. Thanks for working so hard; you're salary provided this meal. Thanks for the hours you put in the sermon prep,\u201d\u2014blah, blah, blah. And literally, the boys are like, \u201cCan we eat?\u201d And all I know\u2014this is so interesting\u2014I'm looking at her say this; behind her\u2014I am not making this up\u2014on the kitchen hutch, four feet away, is Shaunti's book,\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014For Women Only.\r\n\r\nDave:\u2014which has a little bit of the same stuff in there; but it was about how important it is to your man that he feels appreciated. I know she's doing what she just read\u2014and it didn't matter\u2014my chest was popping out of my shirt; I'm like, \u201cI am the man!\u201d\u2014I didn't say any of that, but it felt so good. \r\n\r\nAnd what Shaunti says: \u201cNotice his effort; sincerely thank him for it,\u201d\u2014 I can just say, on the man side of this; right guys?\u2014it makes us sound like we're the most insecure people in the world; but when you notice, and say something\u2014even just a little \u201cThank you,\u201d\u2014it is a little thing that is big.\r\n\r\nAnn: It's powerful. We, women, have so much power we don't even realize. \r\n\r\nLet me ask you guys this, Joseph and Anna, when it talks about\u2014\u201cMentions in front of other people that he did well,\u201d\u2014has Anna done that for you yet, Joseph?\r\n\r\nJoseph: Yes, Anna has been one of the most-encouraging people for me. I could be insecure in a certain area, whether it's at work or whether it's the way I serve, she's really helped me to grow. One example would be even at church; I did a senior sermon one time, and I got to speak in front of the whole youth group. I didn't really feel like I was going to do a good job, at a certain point; but I was sharing all of what I was going to say with Anna. She was encouraging me on, like, \u201cHey, this is the way you should say this\u2026\u201d or \u201cYou're doing a really good job.\u201d Even hearing her say, \u201cWow, that sounds so good\u201d; I was like, \u201cAre you pumping on my chest?\u201d I was pumping on my chest; I was like, \u201cWow, I think I did do a good job.\u201d But it was all that I needed to hear; and it prepared me even, going into that. It really did.\r\n\r\nAnna:And I think even, whenever I heard that, it made me stop and think about: \u201cHow, maybe, I should even incorporate that more often than I do.\u201d Because something that I was talking with Joseph about, whenever we were thinking about that point, was just, \u201cI do that so often.\u201d But whenever he's not there, I do that with my friends\u2014I'll talk about him, and express things that I'm so grateful about for him\u2014but then, maybe when he's there, I don't think about really saying it as much to other people. \r\n\r\nAnd so I even found that really interesting; because I do that with other relationships, whether it's friendships or my family. And then, just even thinking about that, and trying to be more intentional in saying those kinds of things; but in front of him\u2014because he didn't realize how much I actually do it\u2014because he doesn't see it.\r\n\r\nDave:Tomorrow, we get to talk about \u201cThe Fantastic Five for Her.\u201d But I would say this, \u201cStacey, I'm shocked that you said you stop, and you go out when Collin's coming home.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: I'm so convicted by that, especially, when our kids were younger.\r\n\r\nDave:Part of me wants to go, \u201cReally? Do you really do that?\u201d And I know you do; I mean, Collin's sitting right here. He wasn't rolling his eyes.\r\n\r\nCollin:Well, I'll tell you this: I am excited about coming home every day because I know the first thing I'm going to experience is the smile of Stacey. It can be good days or bad days; but if she's there, I've got what I need.\r\n\r\nStacey: Can I add one? Because I feel like we maybe skipped over this one, but I think it's really important. Oftentimes, what will proceed that welcome before he gets home is a text message that's like, \u201cHey, I'm thinking about you; and when the kids go to bed, I'm really excited to be with you.\u201d Man, I mean, that goes a long way, during the middle of the day\u2014when he's in meetings that are long, and he's dealing with a lot of stuff\u2014to know that, not only am I excited to see him; but I'm excited to see him. You know what I mean? So I think that's huge.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yeah, because you want him.\r\n\r\nStacey: I want him, right! That's a huge one. And I mean, that's something we've learned in our marriage, that expression.\r\n\r\nAnn: Okay; yes, say this to the wives\u2014my partners, like friends\u2014\"Here we go: think about how simple that was. Maybe you don't even go out in the garage; but when he comes in the door, you go to the door and you smile when he walks in the door like you're happy to see him. We can do that; we can do that.\r\n\r\nDave:I mean, you talk about application from today; and I'll just add this last thought, which I think is true; this is just my opinion. I think what a lot of us don't understand\u2014especially, women\u2014is that we, men, are still little boys. We have a man shell; but underneath, a little boy is saying, \u201cMom, do you see me?\u201d It's still there; it's like, \u201cHoney, did you see?\u201d \u201cDoes anybody notice?\u201d \r\n\r\nWhen we hear a \u201cThank you,\u201d or a praise in front of other people, I don't think women understand what happens to a soul of a man is: we do come alive. If you want to keep your man, that's going to keep your man\u2014he's not going to work too much\u2014he is coming home to that because that is a little thing that is huge.\r\n\r\nAnn: And a little text message, during the middle of the day, that can go a long way, too. \r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, absolutely.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014both ways\u2014we're going to talk about women tomorrow. \r\n\r\nShelby: Yeah; so today, we've heard a few ways a wife can encourage her husband; but tomorrow, will be the other half of this conversation about what a husband can do to encourage his wife. So this is only part of it today. I hope this has been an enlightening time for you, and helpful as well, to implement these things into your marriage and see what the Lord does. \r\n\r\nI'm Shelby Abbott; and you've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with two different couples, on FamilyLife Today. Now, if you wanted to hear more of the conversation that they listened to, in part, today on the episode, be sure to watch the complete Season Four of Married with Benefits, which is part of the FamilyLife network of podcasts. Married with Benefits is hosted by Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn. And this particular series, the title of it is called \u201cHighly-Happy Couples Know Less is More.\u201d You can get it wherever you get your podcasts; or just head over to YouTube. You'll find a link in our show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nWe're approaching the end of this month, and the beginning of next month marks a lot going on in this country. Maybe, you're tired of the tension and division that exists in, maybe, your family gatherings or on social media; or maybe, even around your own kitchen table. Psalm 1:33 tells us that it's good for believers to live in unity with one another, but how do we do that in today's easily-angered and often-offended culture? \r\n\r\nWell, I'm excited to invite you to join us for a five-week video series from our friend\u2014author and comedian\u2014Amberly Neese. FamilyLife has partnered with Amberly to create this video series called \u201cMoving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World.\u201d Amberly guides you through how to build peace in your own backyard, so to speak, when there's differing thoughts, and opinions, and beliefs that threaten to create division amongst you and other people. \r\n\r\nYou could sign up to get this five-week video series by going to the show notes or logging on to FamilyLife.com\/FindingCommonGround. Again, you can check it out in the show notes\u2014there's a link there\u2014or FamilyLife.com\/FindingCommonGround.\r\n\r\nNow, coming up tomorrow, the Outerbridges are back, with Joseph and Anna, to talk a little bit more about the other half of this conversation, which includes how husbands can encourage their wives: more essential ways to build your marriage. That's coming up tomorrow; we hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife.com                                 \r\n\r\n\n"],"_edit_lock":["1730228667:66132"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-309438.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-309438.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 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to exceed your #relationshipgoals? Tune in for a candid discussion of five things that research shows improve marital satisfaction for men.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<ul>\n<li>Check out the '<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/married-with-benefits\">Married with Benefits Podcast<\/a>' by Family Life!<\/li>\n<li>Grab Shaunti Feldhahn's book: \"<a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-surprising-secrets-of-highly-happy-marriages-the-little-things-that-make-a-big-difference\/\">The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Couples<\/a>\".<\/li>\n<li>You can watch a clip of Episode 2 of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=YKpoTJUP2j0\">Married with Benefits here<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Sign up to receive Amberly Neese\u2019s five-week video series, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/content_offer\/finding-common-ground\/\">Moving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World<\/a>.\u201d Amberly, author and comedian, offers insights on fostering peace in our communities despite differing views.<br \/>\n<hr>\n<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-10-28.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae with Dave and Ann Wilson - Web Version Transcript\r\n\r\nThis content has been generated by an artificial intelligence language model. While we strive for accuracy and quality, please note that the information provided will most likely not be entirely error-free or up-to-date. We recommend independently verifying the content with the originally-released audio. This transcript is provided for your personal use and general information purposes only. References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. We do not assume any responsibility or liability for the use or interpretation of this content.\r\n\r\n#RelationshipGoals\r\n\r\nGuests:Collin and Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, and Anna Markham\r\n\r\nFrom the series:MWB Reaction (Day 1 of 2)\r\n\r\nAir date:October 28, 2024\r\n\r\nCollin:We have made a commitment to our wives to love them. We've made a commitment to serve them; and sometimes, that means sacrificing even what we might want, along that path and alongside that journey.\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife Today!\r\n\r\nDave:So we have an exciting day in the studio today.\r\n\r\nAnn: It's a unique day.\r\n\r\nDave:First thing is: we have more people in here than we've ever had. We have three couples, counting us. We're going to talk about Married with Benefits\u00ae podcast that FamilyLife does and get some responses. \r\n\r\nBut before we go there, we got to let our listeners know who's in the [studio]. We've got an engaged couple getting married in a hundred-plus days. Guys, tell our listeners who you are.\r\n\r\nJoseph: My name's Joseph Torres, and\u2014 \r\n\r\nAnna:I'm Anna.\r\n\r\nDave:Anna, who?\r\n\r\nAnna:Anna Markham.\r\n\r\nDave:Well, that's an important name, here at FamilyLife, because your dad works for this place.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014and your mom. \r\n\r\nJoseph: That's true. \r\n\r\nDave: And sitting on the other side of the studio, Outerbridges; tell our listeners who you are.\r\n\r\nCollin:Yeah, my name's Collin; this is my wife, Stacey.\r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, we're so excited to be here. We have the privilege of leading a local church called Nona Church here in the Lake Nona community. And we have four beautiful children. We're super excited to be here, around this table, getting to talk about how to engage in marriage and have a happy marriage.\r\n\r\nAnn: And you guys have been married 15 years. \r\n\r\nStacey: Fifteen. \r\n\r\nCollin: Fifteen years; that's right. \r\n\r\nAnn: High school sweethearts.\r\n\r\nStacey: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: So what are we doing today, Dave Wilson?\r\n\r\nDave:Well, I was just thinking, \u201cWe've got an engaged couple that knows nothing about marriage. They think they do.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: But they're going to be amazing. \r\n\r\nDave: They're going to be amazing. \r\n\r\nJoseph: \u2014God willing.\r\n\r\nDave: You guys [Outerbridges] know a lot about marriage; and then, you got 44 years married over here [Wilsons]. \r\n\r\nToday's an interesting day. FamilyLife has a podcast called Married With Benefits with Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti's a world-renowned author, a Harvard-trained researcher. All of her books are based on research\u2014which I find fascinating\u2014she interviews and tabulates results from couples. A book that she wrote years ago, Ann and I love, is called The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Couples, sort of a strange title. But she said: \u201cI want to find the happiest, most satisfied couples in the country in the area of marriage. I want to study them and find out: \u2018What did they do that makes them happy and satisfied?\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: And she goes the opposite way\u2014I think a lot of us are looking at: \u201cWhat did they do wrong?\u201d\u2014she's looking at: \u201cWhat are they doing right?\u201d\r\n\r\nDave:So she had a survey, with thousands of couples, where she put them in a category: if the husband and the wife\u2014and they didn't know this\u2014they didn't do this together; they were separate; they didn't know what their spouse was saying\u2014if they both answered the question: \u201cAre you satisfied and happy in your marriage?\u201d\u2014\"Yes\u201d; she put them in the top category as the best couples. Others, who said: \u201cI love my marriage,\u201d\/\u201dI really like my marriage, but I wouldn't\u2026\u201d, they're not in the category. So those are your couples.\r\n\r\nAnn: And they both had to say, \u201cI'm highly happy.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave:Yeah; she calls them \u201chighly-happy couples.\u201d She says, \u2018Okay, let's study them and find out what their secrets are.\u201d She came up with eight, and Brian and Shaunti have been talking about this on their podcast. By the way, if you haven't seen this, it's on YouTube; go there. Or listen to it on Spotify.\r\n\r\nAnn: And this is Season Four, and this is Episode Three that we're talking about.\r\n\r\nDave:And all that to get us to this: \u201cOne of the surprising secrets that she discovered is that little things in marriage are really, really big.\u201d She got to the point where she could identify the most important top five for men\u2014that are little; that are big\u2014and then, women. \r\n\r\nToday, we're going to talk about the Fans\/she calls it \u201cThe Fantastic Five for Men\/for Husbands\u201d: \u201cWhat is it that if you do, as a wife, this lights up his life?\u201d Alright, so we're going to watch about ten minutes of Brian and Shaunti talking about this; and then, you, the experts\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014those who are with us at the table.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014are going to give us some feedback. \r\n\r\nCollin: Oh, boy. \r\n\r\nDave: Yeah; so let's watch Brian and Shaunti talk about this; and then, let's talk about it.\r\n\r\n[Previous Married with Benefits Podcast]\r\n\r\nBrian:Hopefully, you're listening to this, as a couple\u2014you can be able to reach over and go: \u201cThat's it for me,\u201d \u201cYes; I love those,\u201d\u2014and just encourage each other as you're listening to each one of these. So let's talk about \u201cThe Fantastic Five for Her.\u201d Shaunti, I want you to do those. I'm going to do the ones for the guys to do for his wife.\r\n\r\nShaunti: So these are the ones for your husband's, ladies. And these are not going to be 100 percent; but in most cases, it was in that 75\/80 percent range. \r\n\r\nSo the first, since it's for a guy\u2014what they're concerned about is all about: \u201cAm I doing the right thing for her?\u201d\u2014it's about what I do: \u201cAm I a good husband?\u201d \u201cAm I a good father?\u201d Notice that effort, and say, \u201cThank you.\u201d That was one of the things that was the big \u201cAha\u201d moment, now, that has helped in a lot of books\u2014a lot of research\u2014to find that, for a man, the words, \u201cThank you,\u201d are kind of the equivalent of a woman hearing, \u201cI love you.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian:Wow; just to notice, and to specifically say it, too? Or\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: Yes!\r\n\r\nBrian:\u2014not just \u201cThank you\u201d; don't just say \u201cThank you,\u201d all the time now. It's like\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: Well, it's noticing\u2014\r\n\r\nBrian: \u2014for something; yes.\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014for something: \u201cThanks for changing the light bulbs. That was driving me absolutely nuts; thanks for doing that.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian:And that doesn't seem like a big deal; but for some of us guys, that is handyman work: \u201cI did the light bulbs,\u201d \u201cDid anybody notice I changed the batteries in the smoke detectors?\u201d\r\n\r\nShaunti: Exactly; \"Did anybody notice?\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian: \u201cI can handle that; yes.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Exactly; whatever\u2014he did something with the kids: you were on a Zoom call; it was noisy; the kids were driving you crazy. He took them out in the yard to play catch or something to get them out of the house. \u201cThank you so much for doing that. That meant so much to me.\u201d It may seem like a little thing, but it's a really big one.\r\n\r\nBrian:It makes a big difference. So that's the first one: \u201cSaying, \u2018Thank you.\u2019\u201d \r\n\r\nShaunti: And the second one is then taking it to the next step, and saying: \u201cAnd you did a really good job at that,\u201d \u201cI love how you are with the kids,\u201d \u201cI love how you have just the right mix, when little Johnny stumbled and hurt himself, that you had the\u2014\u2018Oh, I'm so sorry; but get back up,\u2019\u2014just the right mix of the sympathy and the \u2018Suck it up.\u2019\u201d And so saying, \u201cYou did a good job at that.\u201d You may think he knows that; don't assume that.\r\n\r\nBrian:And you say this, in For Women Only, is that there is that little tinge of insecurity that every guy wakes up with: \u201cEvery morning, I wake up with: \u2018Will anyone notice?\u2019 \u201cDo I matter?\u2019 \u2018Am I strong enough to do what I need to do during the day?\u2019\u201d And so when somebody actually notices that, and says, \u201cYou did a great job, doing that\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u201cGreat job.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian: \u2014it does\/it puffs you up.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Yes; So then, the number-three thing is even the next level to that, which is to actually mention something that he did well in front of other people. If we're talking 101; that is level 501, right?\u2014that is, for a guy\u2014he'll be like\u2014you say something in front of your girlfriends; you're out to dinner with a couple other couples\u2014and you're like, \u201cYou know what? I was so over it with that Zoom call. I couldn't hear myself think; I was worried about what my boss was thinking. And then, he took the kids; and he kept them, and he played with them.\u201d He was so good about this one thing; and you're saying this, in front of other people at the dinner; and he's going, \u201cAh, yeah; whatever.\u201d And inside, he's like [heart pumping sounds]; inside, \"This is a big deal.\u201d \r\n\r\nTell me, if from a guy's perspective\u2014\r\n\r\nBrian:I just think about how these build on each other: \u201cThank you,\u201d \u201cYou did a great job of this,\u201d\u2014now, next level\u2014\"I'm going to brag about you in front of my friends.\u201d Guys do feel that differently. And really it is\/it makes a huge difference that it's my spouse.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Yes!\r\n\r\nBrian:And you would think that it wouldn't; but it's like I still think one of my chief goals in life is to make Jen happy and\u2014\r\n\r\nShaunti: You and most other men.\r\n\r\nBrian:\u2014or just to catch her attention. It didn't change, when I was playing basketball, when we were dating\u2014and I was like, when she was by the court; in fact, my guys would be like, \u201cWe always hated when Jen would walk by the court, because that's when you kind of took over,\u201d\u2014yeah, because I\u2019m playing for an audience of one at that moment.\r\n\r\nShaunti: There you go; absolutely. Well, I think a lot of wives don't realize how much their husband is playing for an audience of one. \r\n\r\nWhat we have to confront\u2014and I probably should put brackets around these things\u2014and make sure that the women listening to this, with kind of maybe a skeptical, \u201cReally?\u201d is: \u201cRemember, you're thinking, \u2018Oh, great; now, I'm stroking his ego,\u2019 like, \u2018Oh, I'm just making the monster worse.\u2019\u201d Here's the thing: he doesn't have an ego in the way you think about it, which is: \u201cHe's so prideful; he's so puffed up. He kind of needs to be taken down a peg or two.\u201d \r\n\r\nBrian:Yeah; \u201cHe's narcissistic.\u201d\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014\u201cnarcissistic.\u201d\r\n\r\nInstead, what we found: the vast majority of men, statistically\u2014depending on the survey, it was somewhere between 75 and 85 percent of men\u2014actually, they don't have that ego; they have a deep self-doubt. That is what is the issue. You're not puffing up his head when you thank him sincerely\/genuinely for something\u2014and in front of others if it is something that matters\u2014you're not puffing up his head. You're like giving him this great soothing sense of reassurance, as a husband.\r\n\r\nBrian:You're actually filling his soul. It's like you're not puffing up his head; you're filling his soul when you brag.\r\n\r\nShaunti: It's sort of the analogy that somebody told me the other day: \u201cPicture a dry and thirsty land; and you're giving them a little bit of water, a little bit of water, and a little bit of water.\u201d And that's the issue with these little things: pretty soon\u2014that little bit of water every day\u2014it's not a dry and thirsty land anymore.\r\n\r\nBrian:And it's like every guy\u2014probably, most guys\u2014have a dream to be on SportsCenter; or if they like to build stuff, they build something. What's the first thing they want to do?\u2014they take a picture of it; they want to bring people over to the house. There's something in us, as men\u2014and I think it comes back to the image of God\u2014the image of God in all of us is this sense of: \u201cI want to be a creator,\u201d \u201cI want to add value,\u201d \u201cI want to do something to make the area around my life\u2014my garden that God has given me\u2014just a little bit better.\u201d But there's something in us, as men, that's like: \u201cDid anybody see that?\u201d \u201cDid anybody see that catch?\u201d \u201cAnybody see that thing that I just built?\u2014that deck? Did anybody notice that?\u201d\r\n\r\nShaunti: This is the perfect example of the curse. For what we're made for, in the garden, is to be a creator. But the curse was: \u201cI hate to tell you this, Adam; you are going to toil the land by the sweat of your brow. It's going to feel like the thorns and the thistles are always going to be rising up against you. You are going to work, and you are going to work. You\u2019re going to have effort; and you're going to try, and you're going to do. You're always going to feel like, \u2018I don't know; am I getting there? It's not quite\u2026\u2019\u201d And so, ladies, this is just\u2014it's a thing\u2014there's an amazing opportunity here. \r\n\r\nOkay; we should probably go on to\u2014\r\n\r\nBrian: Yes, let\u2019s keep moving.\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014four and five. So that was one, two, and three. Number four: I know some women were waiting for this one. And yes, this is a thing that\u2014when a wife shows her husband she desires him, sexually, and that he pleases her in that way\u2014there is something very, very important, down deep in the heart of a man, that speaks to and provides amazing reassurance.\r\n\r\nBrian:Yeah, you've written about that a lot. It's one of those things where\u2014again, this isn't one of those deals, where if you're in a situation, where you're in an abusive, especially sexually abusive\u2014this is not the one that you're wanting to then put into your life.\r\n\r\nShaunti: Well, in any of these, if you're in that kind of a situation, the application is going to be completely different\u2014because finding things to thank an abusive husband for\u2014no, not going to go well. \r\n\r\nBrian:Yes\u2014but especially, that one\u2014we just want to be clear on that. So that's the first four there: \r\n\r\nNotice his effort; say, \u201cThank you.\u201d\r\n\r\n\u201cYou did a great job\u2026\u201d\r\n\r\nBrag in front of others.\r\n\r\nShow that she desires him, sexually; that he pleases her. \r\n\r\nWhat's this last of \u201cThe Fantastic Five\u201d?\r\n\r\nShaunti: So the last one is going to sound so simple; it's just to \u201cShow him that he makes you happy.\u201d It's so simple.\r\n\r\nBrian:When does the guy feel that?\r\n\r\nShaunti: Okay, I asked this question of guys; because I kept hearing this. \u201cWhat does that mean?\u2014'I just want to make her happy,\u2019 \u2018I just want to make her happy.\u2019\u201d I think you just said that a few minutes ago:\u2014 \r\n\r\nBrian: I did; I didn't even realize that.\r\n\r\nShaunti: \u2014\"It's one of my main purposes\u201d; \u201cI just want to make Jen happy.\u201d \r\n\r\nAnd we kept asking, \u201cHow does that get shown?\u201d And of course, there's many ways that that gets shown. But the key is, literally, if you seem content in your life\u2014if he sees you smile\u2014that is this. \r\n\r\nI had one guy, who had gone through a difficult season in his marriage. One of the things that was a benefit about the research is we were looking at different categories; including: \u201cWhat gets you from a place of difficulty to a place of really having a happy marriage?\u201d We were asking him, \u201cWhat was it that she did?\u201d\u2014because we asked each of them: \u201cWhat was it that he did?\u201d \u201cWhat was it that she did?\u201d\u2014and this guy said, \u201cIt used to be that, when I would walk in the door, she would [say], \u201cHi,\u201d \u201cYeah, okay,\u201d \u201cHey, the thing needs to be cleaned up,\u201d or whatever\u2014just very transactional\u2014whatever. \r\n\r\nAnd he said, \u201cAnd then, came the day\u2014because we were both working on this\u2014then came the day that I walked in; and she turned around, and just instinctively, I saw this big smile. It was like\u201d\u2014as he was telling me this, he started to cry. Actually, I could tell his eyes were getting a little bit red\u2014and he's like, \u201cI'm so sorry! I don't know where this emotion is coming from. But I knew that something had changed when it was clear that I made her happy.\u201d\r\n\r\nBrian:So good. Yeah, each one of those are small.\r\n\r\nShaunti: They're little.\r\n\r\nBrian: They're little.\r\n\r\nShaunti: They\u2019re little bitty things. \r\n\r\nBrian: And they, often, may not come naturally. It is easy\u2014when you're both working and you come back\u2014you just want to relax; or what's on the front of your mind is just all the wrong things that are happening right now.\r\n\r\nShaunti: That's so easy, yes. \r\n\r\nBrian: And so you pull back from that, and go, \u201cOkay, in this moment, how can I help him feel like he makes me happy, just by seeing him?\u201d And when you do that again, and again, and again, it becomes more natural.\r\n\r\n[Studio]\r\n\r\nDave:So let me ask you this: \u201cWhat jumped out?\u201d\u2014any one of you go\u2014\u201cDid something jump out?\u201d\r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, I would say that last one really rung true with us. One of the things that we've learned is that, even in the midst of the afternoon hustle\u2014before dinner is getting ready, and kids are doing homework; and everything is going on, at once, in the home, I have found that\u2014if I will take a pause when I hear the garage door open, and I know that Collin's coming in, to put down what I'm doing; to tell the kid, \u201cHang on; I'll be back with you in a moment,\u201d and be ready to greet him when he comes in the door with a smile on my face\u2014genuinely expressing how excited I am to see him\u2014man, I feel like it makes a world of difference in our home.\r\n\r\nCollin:It lights up my day. It really does, yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Collin, you're saying\u2014and we're talking about number five being that we make it clear to him that he makes her happy\u2014so if Stacey meets you in the garage\u2014you've had a hard day; she probably has, too; but when she meets you in the garage, it makes you feel\u2014\r\n\r\nCollin:It makes me feel home; it makes me feel secure. It makes me feel like the work that I spent doing, over the course of the day, is valued; and it matters. \r\n\r\nI think that Shaunti's onto something that there's no doubt that the thing I care about most is whether or not Stacey's happy or not. And when Stacey's happy, I'm happy. When Stacey's not happy, ain't nobody happy. And so I think, in so many ways, her willingness to recognize the power that she has, and the influence she has on my wellbeing\u2014and leveraging that to care for me and love me\u2014is one of the great gifts that she gives.\r\n\r\nDave:Man; oh, man. Anna, are you taking notes? \r\n\r\nAnna:Yes, absolutely! Whenever I asked Joseph which one stood out to him the most, he said it was number five as well. And just about, how for him, his ultimate desire is to make me happy. I know that right now, as an engaged couple, it definitely looks different; but then taking notes as to what it might look like whenever we do get married. I look forward to that and even getting to implement some of those things later on in life.\r\n\r\nAnn: Well, it's interesting; I talked to this woman\u2014I know her and her husband well\u2014they had moved from one end of the coast to the opposite end of the coast in the United States. The wife was miserable every day: she left her family\/she left the family that she grew up with, her friends, her church\u2014everything\u2014for his job. And I remember asking him, \u201cHow's it going?\u201d And his first response wasn't about the job; he said, \u201cMy wife is miserable.\u201d I pulled her aside; and I said, \u201cDo you know this is killing him that you're miserable?\u201d \r\n\r\nI'm not saying you need to fake it; but what would you say to that wife, not understanding the power she carries, that she's so sad or miserable? What would you say to her?\r\n\r\nCollin:Well, the first thing I would say is, not to the wife, but to the husband. I think that our primary responsibility is to make sure that our [wife is] cared for, that [she feels] secure, and that [she has] what [she needs] to thrive and to flourish. \r\n\r\nI think a huge commitment that Stacey and I have had is there's not a thing in our life, especially when it comes to vocation, that she doesn't have the right to be honest with me about\/to share how she feels about it. I think there's a degree of trust that every couple needs to work toward having; which is, if a wife believes that her husband will leave the thing he loves the most\u2014enjoys the most or spent his life trying to pursue\u2014for the sake of his wife and family, I think it will engender a kind of confidence that will allow her to know, \u201cHey, he's going to pay attention; and no matter how good things are going outside of the home, if they're not going well inside of the home, I trust that he has my back.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnd so my first comment would actually be to the husband in that situation and circumstance: \u201cHey, what can we do, as husbands and as men, to never put our wives in a position, where they feel like they have to fake it to make it; or they have to pretend like everything's okay when it's not?\u201d And so that would be my comment, to the husband, is, \u201cHey, we have made a commitment to our wives to love them; we've made a commitment to serve them; and sometimes, that means sacrificing even what we might want, along that path and alongside that journey.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think it's really a mutual submission kind of spirit here. If a husband has that kind of attitude, it probably has an effect on the wife's ability to keep on enduring if she knows her husband has her best interest in mind.\r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, I think that really speaks into that first one about expressing gratitude. So much of that is internal\u2014and even when the external situation around us is hard; and sometimes, it's part of marriage; we go through hard stuff\u2014but when we're looking for the qualities in our spouse that we're grateful for, and we're willing to express those, sometimes that internal awareness of our spouse really has an external impact on the way we view our circumstances. \r\n\r\nEven if it was a really hard day at home\u2014the kids were really fussy\u2014or something hard is going on in my job, being aware that there's this other person, on the other side of me, who is given it their all, they're really trying their best to make me happy and having an attunement to say, \u201cHey, I'm going to express that gratitude.\u201d I can't say how many times where a simple: \u201cHey, I saw you did this\u2026\u201d \u201cI saw you see me being tired, and you decided to pick up dinner on the way; you knew it'd bless me. I really appreciate that.\u201d That goes so far\u2014and it changes our internal awareness of what's going on\u2014and even, our perspective of what's happening, even in the midst of hardship. \r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cBut what if they don't do anything?\u201d \u201cWhat if they're not looking?\u201d \u201cWhat if you feel like\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: I know what she's talking about; she\u2019s talking about our house.\r\n\r\nAnn: No! I\u2019m totally not talking about you; but I think there's a lot of women, who say, \u201cNo, he doesn't ever notice.\u201d\r\n\r\nStacey: So it's like, \u201cWhat can you look for?\u201d It's like, \u201cCan I have an eye for the things that he is doing right?\u201d We can always find things that they're not doing right; there's always places we can all improve; but when we say, \u201cOkay, I'm going to be intentional to look out for what is something,\u201d\u2014it could be small\u2014\"Hey, thank you for taking the trash out.\u201d It starts small. I think, when we praise those things in our husbands, man, it's like this self-perpetuating cycle that encourages them to be that man that they want to be. They want to be a great provider.\r\n\r\nDave:I could say, from the man's side\u2014we're editing, right now, Ann's book\u2014and I just wrote this story yesterday in her book. We've shared it here before, but it's just this simple: one time, as I sat down for dinner\u2014and we had three younger boys; I think our oldest might've been middle school, maybe\u2014Ann said, \u201cHey, before we eat, guys, I want to say something to Dad.\u201d She turns to me, and she goes, \u201cHey, thanks. Thanks for working so hard; you're salary provided this meal. Thanks for the hours you put in the sermon prep,\u201d\u2014blah, blah, blah. And literally, the boys are like, \u201cCan we eat?\u201d And all I know\u2014this is so interesting\u2014I'm looking at her say this; behind her\u2014I am not making this up\u2014on the kitchen hutch, four feet away, is Shaunti's book,\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014For Women Only.\r\n\r\nDave:\u2014which has a little bit of the same stuff in there; but it was about how important it is to your man that he feels appreciated. I know she's doing what she just read\u2014and it didn't matter\u2014my chest was popping out of my shirt; I'm like, \u201cI am the man!\u201d\u2014I didn't say any of that, but it felt so good. \r\n\r\nAnd what Shaunti says: \u201cNotice his effort; sincerely thank him for it,\u201d\u2014 I can just say, on the man side of this; right guys?\u2014it makes us sound like we're the most insecure people in the world; but when you notice, and say something\u2014even just a little \u201cThank you,\u201d\u2014it is a little thing that is big.\r\n\r\nAnn: It's powerful. We, women, have so much power we don't even realize. \r\n\r\nLet me ask you guys this, Joseph and Anna, when it talks about\u2014\u201cMentions in front of other people that he did well,\u201d\u2014has Anna done that for you yet, Joseph?\r\n\r\nJoseph: Yes, Anna has been one of the most-encouraging people for me. I could be insecure in a certain area, whether it's at work or whether it's the way I serve, she's really helped me to grow. One example would be even at church; I did a senior sermon one time, and I got to speak in front of the whole youth group. I didn't really feel like I was going to do a good job, at a certain point; but I was sharing all of what I was going to say with Anna. She was encouraging me on, like, \u201cHey, this is the way you should say this\u2026\u201d or \u201cYou're doing a really good job.\u201d Even hearing her say, \u201cWow, that sounds so good\u201d; I was like, \u201cAre you pumping on my chest?\u201d I was pumping on my chest; I was like, \u201cWow, I think I did do a good job.\u201d But it was all that I needed to hear; and it prepared me even, going into that. It really did.\r\n\r\nAnna:And I think even, whenever I heard that, it made me stop and think about: \u201cHow, maybe, I should even incorporate that more often than I do.\u201d Because something that I was talking with Joseph about, whenever we were thinking about that point, was just, \u201cI do that so often.\u201d But whenever he's not there, I do that with my friends\u2014I'll talk about him, and express things that I'm so grateful about for him\u2014but then, maybe when he's there, I don't think about really saying it as much to other people. \r\n\r\nAnd so I even found that really interesting; because I do that with other relationships, whether it's friendships or my family. And then, just even thinking about that, and trying to be more intentional in saying those kinds of things; but in front of him\u2014because he didn't realize how much I actually do it\u2014because he doesn't see it.\r\n\r\nDave:Tomorrow, we get to talk about \u201cThe Fantastic Five for Her.\u201d But I would say this, \u201cStacey, I'm shocked that you said you stop, and you go out when Collin's coming home.\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: I'm so convicted by that, especially, when our kids were younger.\r\n\r\nDave:Part of me wants to go, \u201cReally? Do you really do that?\u201d And I know you do; I mean, Collin's sitting right here. He wasn't rolling his eyes.\r\n\r\nCollin:Well, I'll tell you this: I am excited about coming home every day because I know the first thing I'm going to experience is the smile of Stacey. It can be good days or bad days; but if she's there, I've got what I need.\r\n\r\nStacey: Can I add one? Because I feel like we maybe skipped over this one, but I think it's really important. Oftentimes, what will proceed that welcome before he gets home is a text message that's like, \u201cHey, I'm thinking about you; and when the kids go to bed, I'm really excited to be with you.\u201d Man, I mean, that goes a long way, during the middle of the day\u2014when he's in meetings that are long, and he's dealing with a lot of stuff\u2014to know that, not only am I excited to see him; but I'm excited to see him. You know what I mean? So I think that's huge.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yeah, because you want him.\r\n\r\nStacey: I want him, right! That's a huge one. And I mean, that's something we've learned in our marriage, that expression.\r\n\r\nAnn: Okay; yes, say this to the wives\u2014my partners, like friends\u2014\"Here we go: think about how simple that was. Maybe you don't even go out in the garage; but when he comes in the door, you go to the door and you smile when he walks in the door like you're happy to see him. We can do that; we can do that.\r\n\r\nDave:I mean, you talk about application from today; and I'll just add this last thought, which I think is true; this is just my opinion. I think what a lot of us don't understand\u2014especially, women\u2014is that we, men, are still little boys. We have a man shell; but underneath, a little boy is saying, \u201cMom, do you see me?\u201d It's still there; it's like, \u201cHoney, did you see?\u201d \u201cDoes anybody notice?\u201d \r\n\r\nWhen we hear a \u201cThank you,\u201d or a praise in front of other people, I don't think women understand what happens to a soul of a man is: we do come alive. If you want to keep your man, that's going to keep your man\u2014he's not going to work too much\u2014he is coming home to that because that is a little thing that is huge.\r\n\r\nAnn: And a little text message, during the middle of the day, that can go a long way, too. \r\n\r\nStacey: Yeah, absolutely.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014both ways\u2014we're going to talk about women tomorrow. \r\n\r\nShelby: Yeah; so today, we've heard a few ways a wife can encourage her husband; but tomorrow, will be the other half of this conversation about what a husband can do to encourage his wife. So this is only part of it today. I hope this has been an enlightening time for you, and helpful as well, to implement these things into your marriage and see what the Lord does. \r\n\r\nI'm Shelby Abbott; and you've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with two different couples, on FamilyLife Today. Now, if you wanted to hear more of the conversation that they listened to, in part, today on the episode, be sure to watch the complete Season Four of Married with Benefits, which is part of the FamilyLife network of podcasts. Married with Benefits is hosted by Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn. And this particular series, the title of it is called \u201cHighly-Happy Couples Know Less is More.\u201d You can get it wherever you get your podcasts; or just head over to YouTube. You'll find a link in our show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com. \r\n\r\nWe're approaching the end of this month, and the beginning of next month marks a lot going on in this country. Maybe, you're tired of the tension and division that exists in, maybe, your family gatherings or on social media; or maybe, even around your own kitchen table. Psalm 1:33 tells us that it's good for believers to live in unity with one another, but how do we do that in today's easily-angered and often-offended culture? \r\n\r\nWell, I'm excited to invite you to join us for a five-week video series from our friend\u2014author and comedian\u2014Amberly Neese. FamilyLife has partnered with Amberly to create this video series called \u201cMoving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World.\u201d Amberly guides you through how to build peace in your own backyard, so to speak, when there's differing thoughts, and opinions, and beliefs that threaten to create division amongst you and other people. \r\n\r\nYou could sign up to get this five-week video series by going to the show notes or logging on to FamilyLife.com\/FindingCommonGround. Again, you can check it out in the show notes\u2014there's a link there\u2014or FamilyLife.com\/FindingCommonGround.\r\n\r\nNow, coming up tomorrow, the Outerbridges are back, with Joseph and Anna, to talk a little bit more about the other half of this conversation, which includes how husbands can encourage their wives: more essential ways to build your marriage. That's coming up tomorrow; we hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve benefited from the FamilyLife Today transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs of producing them and making them available online?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. 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