{"id":308508,"date":"2024-05-14T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-05-14T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2\/"},"modified":"2024-11-19T04:15:11","modified_gmt":"2024-11-19T09:15:11","slug":"am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I Judgmental? Alistair Begg"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Ever caught yourself judging someone based on their appearance, social media, or behavior? Asking, &#8216;Why did they post that?&#8217; or &#8216;What&#8217;s with their outfit?&#8217; Alistair Begg goes deeper into the effects of snap judgments on our relationships&#8211;and how to love even those who rub us the wrong way.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever judged someone too quickly based on looks or social media? Alistair Begg explores how these snap judgments affect us and Jesus&#8217; call to love others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47000,"featured_media":280865,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/39f56d22-fc3b-4720-a5fa-b16a014d6227\/audio.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:37","filesize":"23.50M","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"2024-05-14 09:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3117],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-308508","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","cwp_profile-alistair-begg","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg?w=1024","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/308508\/am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/308508\/am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"PdJcE0XO7d\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2\/\">Am I Judgmental? Alistair Begg<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/am-i-judgmental-alistair-begg-2\/embed\/#?secret=PdJcE0XO7d\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Am I Judgmental? Alistair Begg&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"PdJcE0XO7d\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"secondline_imported_guid":["39f56d22-fc3b-4720-a5fa-b16a014d6227"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/39f56d22-fc3b-4720-a5fa-b16a014d6227\/audio.mp3"],"duration":["00:25:37"],"filesize":["23.50M"],"show_notes":["\n<p>Learn more about Alistair:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with Alistair Begg and catch more of his thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.truthforlife.org\/\">truthforlife.org<\/a>, and on Instagram <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/truthforlife\">@alistair_begg_truthforlife<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/truthforlife\">Facebook<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/truthforlife\">X<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab Alistair Begg\u2019s book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-christian-manifesto-jesus-life-changing-words-from-the-sermon-on-the-plain\/\">A Christian Manifesto<\/a> in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Want to hear <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/alistair-begg\/\">more episodes by Alistair Begg, listen here<\/a>!\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<p>FamilyLife Links:\u00a0<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/may-2024\/?cru_source=D0002405RB&cru_medium=RadioBanner&cru_premium=PRE21802&cru_campaign=May2024&utm_source=web&utm_medium=radiobanner&utm_campaign=may2024\">Double your gift this month<\/a> when you give to FamilyLife!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n"],"_edit_lock":["1729040901:47000"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2024-05-14 09:00:00"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/traffic.omny.fm\/d\/clips\/cbd16f10-ac60-4f09-b4df-b15400ce35aa\/33aaac7e-3581-4e21-a3df-b154011ba58c\/39f56d22-fc3b-4720-a5fa-b16a014d6227\/audio.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["280865"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-05-14.pdf"],"transcript_content":["\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nAm I Judgmental?\r\n\r\nGuest: Alistair Begg\r\n\r\nFrom the series: Living on Purpose (Day 2 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date: May 14, 2024\r\n\r\nDave: I was just thinking, if there\u2019s anything I\u2019m really good at\u2014[Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014okay, what is it?\r\n\r\nDave:  I\u2019m the bar people want to measure up to; when I\u2019m at an airport\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014oh, no.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and I\u2019m just sitting there doing nothing and people walk by. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou know what?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: You mean like when people are getting off the plane\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: That\u2019s another time; but you know what I\u2019m going to say. [Laughter] I\u2019m a pretty good judger. I can judge people by how they walk and how they dress, and when they\u2019re getting off the airplane, I literally cannot look. I\u2019m getting so mad that they\u2019re taking so long, and \u201cI\u2019m so much better and I could get off quicker than anyone else.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife\u2014\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: \u2014Today!\r\n\r\nAnn: Not that I\u2019m judging you, but when you drive a car\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014okay, that\u2019s enough. We don\u2019t need to get into that.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014you might get a little judging about that, too. Why are we talking about judging today? We all do it! We all judge.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, sometimes the judgment is fair. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: Hey, I like this guy. Alistair Begg is back on the show, and he starts with that. I like it.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Talking about driving in the car, God speaks to us through our children as well. I\u2019m driving in the car\u2014it was a long time ago; my son is 45 now, but this has never left me. I\u2019m driving in the car and doing basically a running commentary on everybody else\u2019s driving.\r\n\r\nAnn: [Laughter] You guys are twins!\r\n\r\nDave: You\u2019re my man, buddy.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Within five miles of me, it was like, \u201cCome on, what are you doing? Look, what do you think\u2026?\u201d All that stuff.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I\u2019d finished my little speech, and there was just a moment of silence. Then I heard a voice from the backseat saying, \u201cAnd that\u2019s another kind word from your pastor.\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: What is it about us in a car?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, it\u2019s not good. It\u2019s not good.\r\n\r\nDave: It\u2019s pretty obvious. Our sin nature comes out.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I do think that there\u2019s some justification for it.\r\n\r\nDave: Some people have earned it. You\u2019re right.\r\n\r\nAnn: You love this, don\u2019t you? You love this conversation with Alistair.\r\n\r\nDave: I knew I wasn\u2019t the only one. I finally found my counterpoint.\r\n\r\nAlistair: But see, this is where judging goes wrong: people think that to say, \u201cJudge not,\u201d you have to suspend your critical faculties; that there\u2019s nothing you can make any comment on anything at all, whether it\u2019s right or wrong. [Luke 6:37]\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: That's how it\u2019s viewed. That\u2019s not what Jesus is saying. \r\n\r\nWhat Jesus is talking about is the fact that\u2014If I might say, \u201cThat guy is one of the slowest people I ever saw moving away from a traffic light.\u201d That was actually an observation of something that really took place. But if I\u2019m saying, \u201cLook at him doing that bad thing and look at me, I don\u2019t do bad things.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Now, that\u2019s where the thing goes wrong. The problem is, I find it easy to see the problem in somebody else and comment on it while at the same time giving myself a free pass.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Jesus in the sermon [Luke 6] is taking on the Pharisees. They are\u2014the word in English is they\u2019ve got a spirit of censoriousness. That\u2019s their whole game. That\u2019s their  raison d'etre, if you like.\r\n\r\nAnn: So, do you think when Jesus was giving His sermon on the plain, and He says, \u201cJudge not and you will not be judged. Condemn not and you will not be condemned.\u201d\u2014do you think He\u2019s talking to the Pharisees here?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, He\u2019s talking to them all.\r\n\r\nAnn: Okay, He is talking to them all.\r\n\r\nAlistair: He\u2019s talking to us, as we read our Bibles. What He\u2019s talking about is, if we are to be kids of His kingdom, if we are truly children of our heavenly Father, then we can\u2019t take to ourselves a kind of hypocritical, self-exalting spirit of judgmentalism whereby we get a measure of\u2014it allows us to step up one step by making sure we can put someone down two steps.\r\n\r\nAnn: Hmmm.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I think that\u2019s really what He\u2019s talking about. I fail to see what I\u2019m like because I\u2019m so busy making judgments on what other people are like, without ever really knowing what\u2019s really going on inside of a person. \r\n\r\nAs I think about pulling away from that traffic light\u2014because someone will phone up and say, \u201cBegg\u2019s crazy about that stuff\u201d\u2014what I don\u2019t know when I say that is, I don\u2019t know whether maybe that person had surgery or whatever.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAnn: So, when we judge, why do you think that we judge? I\u2019m not talking about you guys and the car or the plane. We all are judging people, each other. It seems like\u2014especially if you get on any social media, we\u2019re not only judging people; we\u2019re condemning them as well. Do you think we are worse now than we have ever been?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Maybe, but again, we have to hold this in tension, don\u2019t we?\r\n\r\nAnn: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Jesus is not saying you\u2019re not allowed to judge between truth and error; you\u2019re not allowed between good and bad. The whole system of jurisprudence rests on being able to make moral judgments. It doesn\u2019t mean saying, \u201cEverything\u2019s okay,\u201d because everything isn\u2019t okay.\r\n\r\nWhat He is addressing, though, is the propensity for us to make ourselves feel better about ourselves if we can actually say that the other person is worse\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014worse; that\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes, it\u2019s a bit like the story He told about the Pharisee and the publican. [Luke 18:9-14] That epitomizes it, doesn\u2019t it? Because the Pharisee says, \u201cI thank you that I\u2019m not like other men.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: Hmmm. \r\n\r\nAlistair: \u201cI do this, and I don\u2019t do that.\u201d Well, if you are part of a church that operates like that, what are you going to do with a poor sinner? Because the fact is, I am the poor sinner. I\u2019m the one that didn\u2019t even lift his eyes to heaven and said, \u201cGod, be merciful to me, a sinner.\u201d \r\n\r\nWhat Jesus is saying [is] you don\u2019t want a church full of those people, who believe that their standing before God is based on the strength of what they\u2019ve done or what they haven\u2019t done as a means of their acceptance. \r\n\r\nGrace is their acceptance and, then, what they don\u2019t do or do is not in order that they might be accepted, but is an expression that they have been accepted; and part of that is that we love our neighbor. We love those that we\u2019re not necessarily that keen on. The average church is not full of people that you want to take a vacation with, let\u2019s be honest. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019m going to say, too, this is so true in marriage. For years, I thought the problems with our marriage were Dave.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Sure.\r\n\r\nDave: You never told me that, not one time. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: I think it\u2019s as Jesus said, \u201cLook at the plank in your own eye.\u201d [Luke 6:41-42] I remember that as I started doing that and started asking, \u201cGod, show me what I am like,\u201d it was not pretty. We do do that. We look at others without looking at our own lives.\r\n\r\nDave: Alistair, why do you think we\u2014and we all do it\u2014we all miss the plank?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Even in Christ, we still do it.\r\n\r\nDave: We see the speck in our spouse, in our kids, in our neighbor, the person in the other car; you name it, we see it. We think it\u2019s huge, and we miss the plank. Jesus said it.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Because we\u2019re sinners. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Saved sinners, but sinners. Luther says we are curved in on ourselves. We want to present ourselves in the best light. It\u2019s hard to let your guard down and let people really know. \r\n\r\nThat\u2019s the way marriage works though, isn\u2019t it? In marriage\u2014what vulnerability is there in this? \u201cI\u2019m not going to let anyone else see me without my clothes on.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t want anyone else to really see me when I\u2019m thoroughly disheartened.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: But we do that in marriage; we have to. That\u2019s why we need one another.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: And even our kids in the back seat\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: --yes\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014pointing out\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014yes, yes, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about the balance, though, between Jesus saying, \u201cJudge not,\u201d in Luke 6\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and Paul saying in 1 Corinthians that we shouldn\u2019t judge those outside the church, but we should judge those inside the church. There is a sense of judgment that's healthy. \r\n\r\nAlistair Yes, right.\r\n\r\nDave: Explain that tension.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, there is. If God is going to come and stir things up, what if He starts in the church rather than outside, which is what He does? That\u2019s what Jesus is saying here. This is, if you like, self-examination for the Christian, not ammunition for the Christian to use in confronting what\u2019s going on outside the camp. \r\n\r\nHe\u2019s talking here about a spirit of censoriousness within the framework of evangelical Christianity, for example. Where \u201cwe know what the doctrine is,\u201d \u201dwe know what the church membership standards are,\u201d \u201dwe know all these things.\u201d \u201cWe know, we know, we know\u2026\u201d Okay, fine, well, it\u2019s good to know these things, but the way in which we hold to them and convey that spirit\u2014tone is such a huge part of it, isn\u2019t it?\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: You can say the right things and say them in a way that is harmful or hurtful. But otherwise, how can we keep one another accountable?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes. It\u2019s so hard in this culture, and I think it\u2019s probably always been true; but if I have a standard, as a follower of Christ, that\u2019s biblical\u2014like you said yesterday: \u201cOne man, one woman, covenant of marriage\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014right.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014that feels judgmental to others who think differently, or are living differently, no matter how\u2014even if I\u2019m very\u2014gracious in my words, it feels, doesn\u2019t it often, like judgment?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes. In the book\u2014remember there was a book?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes! There was a book somewhere. By the way, we never mentioned the title. It\u2019s called The Christian Manifesto: Jesus' Life-Changing Words from the Sermon on the Plain. \r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes, I wrote that I need to be especially wary in what I say about others to others, because I have a very clever way, and we do in evangelical circles, of criticizing others, or making ourselves look good by comparison, while dressing up that kind of attitude in the posture of spiritual concern or even a prayer request.\r\n\r\nDave: I was going to say, it often happens in a prayer meeting.\r\n\r\nAlistair: There\u2019s a lot of stuff that goes around on that thing. You better be really careful about whose prayer chain you get on.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, that\u2019s true.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right? \u201cSlow to speak, quick to hear, slow to get angry.\u201d [James 1:19] I do that little poem in there, as well. Do you remember that?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes; read the poem.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I think i can just say it:\r\n\r\n\u201cIf all that we say in a single day,\r\n\r\nWith never a word left out.\r\n\r\nWere printed each nightin clear black and white\r\n\r\nIt would make strange reading, no doubt.\r\n\r\nAnd then, just suppose,\r\n\r\n\u2018ere our eyes would close,\r\n\r\nWe must read the whole record through;Then wouldn\u2019t we sigh,\r\n\r\nand wouldn\u2019t we try,\r\n\r\na great deal less talking to do?\r\n\r\nAnd I more than half-think\r\n\r\nThat many a kink\r\n\r\nWould be smoother in life\u2019s tangled thread.\r\n\r\nIf half that I say in a single day\r\n\r\nWere to be left forever unsaid.\u201d [Author Unknown]\r\n\r\nAnd it\u2019s such a challenge, doing what we do, where we talk. This is what we\u2019re doing; we\u2019re talking. This whole thing is about talking.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: The person who never steps wrong in his words is a perfect man. How many of them have you met? We\u2019ve only met Jesus. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Perfect. So don\u2019t many of you get into the teaching game, He says, unless you want to recognize that he who teaches will be judged with greater strictness. [James 3:1]\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: And rightly so. It is hard, especially because words are able to woo people. Words are able to encourage people, but they are also so able to wound people. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I think that\u2019s what Jesus is saying throughout the whole thing. He\u2019s saying, \u201cListen. You are my followers. God is a merciful God. Mercy ought to be part of your DNA.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: The love that God has for you is a generous love that is not responsive in any way. It is initiated by nothing other than His immense love. \r\n\r\nWe tend to love people because they\u2019re lovable, or because we like them; and so, it\u2019s a reciprocal thing. I have to remind myself: God loves me not because of what I am! In fact, you know, the idea that \u201cGod loves me just the way I am?\u201d God has only ever loved one person just the way He is, that was His Son. God loves me despite of what I am because He sees me in Christ. \r\n\r\nAnd when I remind myself of that, then I\u2019m\u2014it just puts it; like on a golf cart, they have governors so you can\u2019t kill yourself? It puts the governor in there that goes, \u201cWhoa. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it before you go\u2026\u201d And sadly, of course, I usually go before I hold it, and then I have to come back around and ask for forgiveness.\r\n\r\nDave: The truth is, if we are able to understand what you just said, it should make us extremely humble.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: So, then, when we walk in a room or get in a car, and we have a spirit of judgment, that\u2019s not humble. \r\n\r\nAlistair: No, it\u2019s not.\r\n\r\nDave: Who am I and what am I thinking that I would judge anyone else that\u2019s an image bearer of God just like me?\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019m thinking, too, Dave, in our home, we do that with one another. We do that with husband, with spouse. \r\n\r\nI can remember also doing that with our kids when our kids would talk about other classmates in school. I was so judgmental and verbalized that in a way that our kids would say, \u201cGeez, mom.\u201d I thought, \u201cThat is not the gospel. I am just as broken as anyone else, and I don\u2019t know the situation that they\u2019ve been in.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think I like that word \u201cgovernor,\u201d it gives us the gospel. The Word of God helps us to put a spotlight on our own selves, knowing that we are in need of the gospel and of Jesus.\r\n\r\nDave: Well, Alistair, if you go back to the Sermon on the Plain, in verse 27\u2014and we\u2019re sort of talking about this but\u2014you read these words. Jesus says: \u201cBut I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who abuse you.\u201d What does that look like?\r\n\r\nAlistair: It looks like a revolution, doesn\u2019t it?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: It looks like nothing you're going to see in the routine magazines, because our whole culture says, \u201cLook after yourself. Defend yourself. Don\u2019t take anybody's nonsense.\u201d And Jesus is saying, \u201cNo. That\u2019s actually not the way you are going to do this.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: And again, it doesn\u2019t mean we are saying, \u201cHey, live any kind of life you want.\u201d \r\n\r\nAlistair: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: But showing love and care and kindness to all people and, as Jesus said, \u201cthose who curse you.\u201d\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: We live in a culture [where] it's always been true: if you get insulted, we applaud people that do a better insult back. We go to movies\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014right.\r\n\r\nDave: One of my favorite movies is Mean Girls. Did you ever see Mean Girls? [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAlistair: No.\r\n\r\nDave: Ann laughs because it\u2019s a high school girls movie, and I\u2019m probably embarrassed to say it, but it's pretty funny. The bad girls in the school, who are picking on the others, get what they deserve, and you\u2019re standing up in the theater clapping at that (or a Denzel Washington movie). When someone deserves it, and they get paid back, we love it. Yet, Jesus says, \u201cNo. Bless those who hurt you.\u201d\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right; yes.\r\n\r\nDave: It just sounds crazy.\r\n\r\nAnn: I remember there was a woman in my life who had hurt me so much. She was gossiping; slandering me; about me. It was going on and on. I had approached her. There could be no reasoning. So, I had an email that I had written, and I thought, \u201cI am sending this.\u201d It was truth! To me, it was truth: \u201cHere it is. Here\u2019s the truth.\u201d I was all ready to send it, and I had let it all out; and I was just about to push send, and I had that little\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014the governor.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the governor! Yes. And I asked, \u201cI\u2019m ready, Lord. Here I go.\u201d And then, \u201dCan I? Can I send this?\u201d And what came to my mind was, \u201cLove your enemies.\u201d\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh! Oh, it was so hard, because I felt so justified. It was just anger. It was justice that I was going to give. And when I go to that Scripture\u2014I opened up the Scripture then, and I read it. Oh, I wanted to send it so badly, but as I look back\u2014and that\u2019s been years ago, probably ten years. I think, if I had sent that, it would have burned so many bridges. It would have wrecked so much and destroyed a relationship that\u2019s really thriving now.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes. I\u2019ve got two things to say on that. One is, I\u2019ve made it a rule in my life, and certainly in pastoral ministry: if I have something positive to say, I might write it to you; probably will write it to you. If I have something negative to say, I\u2019ll just say it to you. Because I want to give you the opportunity to respond to me, and I don\u2019t want to give you a written record that, when life has gone by, you turn around and say, \u201cWhy did he do that?\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes!\r\n\r\nAlistair: It might not have been that good. I\u2019ll tell you another thing: you\u2019ll never hear your grandchildren say, \u201cLet\u2019s go up in the attic and read Grandma\u2019s emails.\u201d If we aren\u2019t writing notes to our kids and to our grandchildren; if we aren\u2019t doing that now, they have nothing. They\u2019ve got nothing, because you\u2019ll be gone. They\u2019re not going to read your emails. They\u2019re not that good anyway. \r\n\r\nAnd, again, the other thing is, I get exactly what you are saying. Is it true what I\u2019m writing? Yes. \u201cOkay, well that\u2019s it. Fine.\u201d Not necessarily. Is it kind? Is it necessary? Okay, no. Let\u2019s just leave this alone. Let\u2019s sleep on this for a while. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: You think about how much happens to dissolve relationships, just as you are saying, through hastiness and not allowing time to ask the question. That\u2019s a good word. Yes: \u201dLord, shall I send it?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cOr should I say it?\u201dAlistair: Yes. But to say it, you might be wrong even to say it\u2014\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: \u2014because, again, it all depends on how we say things. My dad used to say to me, \u201cYour problem is not what you say, your problem is how you say it.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: If you think about applying the Sermon on the Mount, the Sermon on the Plain, to your home\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014home, that\u2019s what I was thinking, Dave.\r\n\r\nDave: Is your home\u2014is the fragrance, the aroma\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014a kindness?\r\n\r\nAnn: And grace?\r\n\r\nDave: And, again, I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s not truth-telling.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: You need to do that in a marriage and in a family, but is there an aroma? [Scripture] says the aroma of Christ will draw people. [2 Corinthians 2:14-15] Do your kids want to come? Do your grandkids want to run into your family room? \r\n\r\nAlistair: Right, right!\r\n\r\nDave: They feel seen there rather than judged there.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes. The Dutch have a great word: gezellig. Do you know that word, gezellig? \r\n\r\nAnn: No.\r\n\r\nAlistair: It\u2019s almost untranslatable, but it means\u2014you talk about your family room; for someone to come in and say, \u201cThis is gezellig.\u201d It is appealing; there are no harsh lights. It\u2019s partly ambience, it\u2019s partly tone, it\u2019s partly feel. It\u2019s smell, it\u2019s all of that stuff. A restaurant might be gezellig, or a home might be gezellig, or whatever it might be. That\u2019s it. I want the church to be that.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Because it\u2019s hard when you are part of the establishment. I don\u2019t even know what it feels like sitting out there!\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Even when I sit out there, I can\u2019t sit out there like I\u2019m just another person sitting out there.\r\n\r\nDave: Right; yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Now my spirit of judgment starts coming in as well, right? \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAllistair: About the length of the sermon or \u201cwhy are you taking so long doing the notices? Come on, let\u2019s get this thing going,\u201d you know?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: So true.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I\u2019m my own worst enemy. That\u2019s the truth.\r\n\r\nDave: All I would say is that you [Ann], in our home, create the best gezellig. \r\n\r\nAlistair: There you go.\r\n\r\nAnn: Awww.\r\n\r\nAlistair: That\u2019s lovely.\r\n\r\nDave: Oh, you do. I\u2019m not kidding.\r\n\r\nAlistair: That\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDave: I watch friends come over, and when they get to the front door to leave, I can tell they don\u2019t want to leave. It\u2019s not because of me. \r\n\r\nAllistair: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: They're done with Dave, but you bring such joy and empathy and others-centeredness that they feel loved. It\u2019s awesome. Thanks for doing that!\r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s nice. Thanks, honey, because I haven\u2019t been great at doing that to you as often. Better now, but there were years, man. Whew! It was not good.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Excuse me, everybody, I\u2019m just going to slip out. [Laughter] \r\n\r\nDave: We don\u2019t know where this is going to go!\r\n\r\nAlistair: This is getting a little too gezellig for me. [Laughter] \r\n\r\nShelby: You know, I love it when Dave gushes about Ann. I just do! It\u2019s such a beautiful example of what it looks like to be a life-giving spirit in your marriage. After so many years, it\u2019s just so delightful when Dave does that.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Alistair Begg on FamilyLife Today. Alistair has written a book called The Christian Manifesto: Jesus' Life-Changing Words from the Sermon on the Plain. This book really helps embrace a counter-intuitive and counter-cultural lifestyle guided by kindness, compassion, and the Holy Spirit. You saw a good example of that just now with Dave and Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nYou can get your copy of Alistair\u2019s book, The Christian Manifesto, by going online to\r\n\r\nFamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call to request your copy at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nThis month is a unique month at FamilyLife, because every donation that you make all month long is going to be matched dollar-for-dollar up to $500,000. That\u2019s right. So, if you give a monthly gift of $100, it\u2019s actually becoming $200 a month. [This is] just happening in the month of May, and it\u2019s a unique way to be able to partner with us and help us reach marriages and families all over the world. \r\n\r\nWhen you become a monthly partner with us here at FamilyLife, you\u2019ll get a couple of perks, too. We\u2019re going to send you a copy of Chris and Elizabeth McKinney\u2019s book, Neighborhoods Reimagined. They were with us last week and talked about how to be a life-giving presence in your neighborhood. So, we\u2019ll send you a copy of that book, and you\u2019ll become a part of our new online community where you get to participate in the conversations that are happening here at FamilyLife, including a live Facebook\u00ae event with the Wilsons and me on June 5th at 7 pm. Again, that\u2019s for all monthly partners.\r\n\r\nSo, if you want to learn how to do that, head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are back with Alistair Begg as he explores the challenges of family life in today\u2019s culture and offers parenting advice on how to pass on your faith to your kids. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.\r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-308508.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-308508.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 1;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container .uagb-block-e11dbe9f{max-width: 100%;width: 100%;}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-is-root-container.alignfull.uagb-block-e11dbe9f > 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776470598;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/06\/image-scaled.jpg",1024,1024,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Margaret","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/margaret-coylefamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ever judged someone too quickly based on looks or social media? Alistair Begg explores how these snap judgments affect us and Jesus' call to love others.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"\n<p>Learn more about Alistair:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Connect with Alistair Begg and catch more of his thoughts at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.truthforlife.org\/\">truthforlife.org<\/a>, and on Instagram <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/truthforlife\">@alistair_begg_truthforlife<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/truthforlife\">Facebook<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/truthforlife\">X<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>And grab Alistair Begg\u2019s book, <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product\/the-christian-manifesto-jesus-life-changing-words-from-the-sermon-on-the-plain\/\">A Christian Manifesto<\/a> in our shop.<\/li>\n<li>Want to hear <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/guest\/alistair-begg\/\">more episodes by Alistair Begg, listen here<\/a>!\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<p>FamilyLife Links:\u00a0<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/may-2024\/?cru_source=D0002405RB&cru_medium=RadioBanner&cru_premium=PRE21802&cru_campaign=May2024&utm_source=web&utm_medium=radiobanner&utm_campaign=may2024\">Double your gift this month<\/a> when you give to FamilyLife!<\/li>\n<li>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/radio-resources\/\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/product-category\/past-radio-resources\/\">See resources from our past podcasts.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Find more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<\/li>\n<li>Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li>Check out all the FamilyLife's podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2024-05-14.pdf","transcript_content":"\nFamilyLife Today\u00ae National Radio Version (time edited) Transcript\r\n\r\nReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.\r\n\r\nAm I Judgmental?\r\n\r\nGuest: Alistair Begg\r\n\r\nFrom the series: Living on Purpose (Day 2 of 3)\r\n\r\nAir date: May 14, 2024\r\n\r\nDave: I was just thinking, if there\u2019s anything I\u2019m really good at\u2014[Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014okay, what is it?\r\n\r\nDave:  I\u2019m the bar people want to measure up to; when I\u2019m at an airport\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014oh, no.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and I\u2019m just sitting there doing nothing and people walk by. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou know what?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: You mean like when people are getting off the plane\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: That\u2019s another time; but you know what I\u2019m going to say. [Laughter] I\u2019m a pretty good judger. I can judge people by how they walk and how they dress, and when they\u2019re getting off the airplane, I literally cannot look. I\u2019m getting so mad that they\u2019re taking so long, and \u201cI\u2019m so much better and I could get off quicker than anyone else.\u201d\r\n\r\nShelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.\r\n\r\nAnn: This is FamilyLife\u2014\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: \u2014Today!\r\n\r\nAnn: Not that I\u2019m judging you, but when you drive a car\u2014\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014okay, that\u2019s enough. We don\u2019t need to get into that.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014you might get a little judging about that, too. Why are we talking about judging today? We all do it! We all judge.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, sometimes the judgment is fair. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: Hey, I like this guy. Alistair Begg is back on the show, and he starts with that. I like it.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Talking about driving in the car, God speaks to us through our children as well. I\u2019m driving in the car\u2014it was a long time ago; my son is 45 now, but this has never left me. I\u2019m driving in the car and doing basically a running commentary on everybody else\u2019s driving.\r\n\r\nAnn: [Laughter] You guys are twins!\r\n\r\nDave: You\u2019re my man, buddy.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Within five miles of me, it was like, \u201cCome on, what are you doing? Look, what do you think\u2026?\u201d All that stuff.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I\u2019d finished my little speech, and there was just a moment of silence. Then I heard a voice from the backseat saying, \u201cAnd that\u2019s another kind word from your pastor.\u201d [Laughter]\r\n\r\nDave: What is it about us in a car?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, it\u2019s not good. It\u2019s not good.\r\n\r\nDave: It\u2019s pretty obvious. Our sin nature comes out.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I do think that there\u2019s some justification for it.\r\n\r\nDave: Some people have earned it. You\u2019re right.\r\n\r\nAnn: You love this, don\u2019t you? You love this conversation with Alistair.\r\n\r\nDave: I knew I wasn\u2019t the only one. I finally found my counterpoint.\r\n\r\nAlistair: But see, this is where judging goes wrong: people think that to say, \u201cJudge not,\u201d you have to suspend your critical faculties; that there\u2019s nothing you can make any comment on anything at all, whether it\u2019s right or wrong. [Luke 6:37]\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: That's how it\u2019s viewed. That\u2019s not what Jesus is saying. \r\n\r\nWhat Jesus is talking about is the fact that\u2014If I might say, \u201cThat guy is one of the slowest people I ever saw moving away from a traffic light.\u201d That was actually an observation of something that really took place. But if I\u2019m saying, \u201cLook at him doing that bad thing and look at me, I don\u2019t do bad things.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Now, that\u2019s where the thing goes wrong. The problem is, I find it easy to see the problem in somebody else and comment on it while at the same time giving myself a free pass.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Jesus in the sermon [Luke 6] is taking on the Pharisees. They are\u2014the word in English is they\u2019ve got a spirit of censoriousness. That\u2019s their whole game. That\u2019s their  raison d'etre, if you like.\r\n\r\nAnn: So, do you think when Jesus was giving His sermon on the plain, and He says, \u201cJudge not and you will not be judged. Condemn not and you will not be condemned.\u201d\u2014do you think He\u2019s talking to the Pharisees here?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, He\u2019s talking to them all.\r\n\r\nAnn: Okay, He is talking to them all.\r\n\r\nAlistair: He\u2019s talking to us, as we read our Bibles. What He\u2019s talking about is, if we are to be kids of His kingdom, if we are truly children of our heavenly Father, then we can\u2019t take to ourselves a kind of hypocritical, self-exalting spirit of judgmentalism whereby we get a measure of\u2014it allows us to step up one step by making sure we can put someone down two steps.\r\n\r\nAnn: Hmmm.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I think that\u2019s really what He\u2019s talking about. I fail to see what I\u2019m like because I\u2019m so busy making judgments on what other people are like, without ever really knowing what\u2019s really going on inside of a person. \r\n\r\nAs I think about pulling away from that traffic light\u2014because someone will phone up and say, \u201cBegg\u2019s crazy about that stuff\u201d\u2014what I don\u2019t know when I say that is, I don\u2019t know whether maybe that person had surgery or whatever.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAnn: So, when we judge, why do you think that we judge? I\u2019m not talking about you guys and the car or the plane. We all are judging people, each other. It seems like\u2014especially if you get on any social media, we\u2019re not only judging people; we\u2019re condemning them as well. Do you think we are worse now than we have ever been?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Maybe, but again, we have to hold this in tension, don\u2019t we?\r\n\r\nAnn: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Jesus is not saying you\u2019re not allowed to judge between truth and error; you\u2019re not allowed between good and bad. The whole system of jurisprudence rests on being able to make moral judgments. It doesn\u2019t mean saying, \u201cEverything\u2019s okay,\u201d because everything isn\u2019t okay.\r\n\r\nWhat He is addressing, though, is the propensity for us to make ourselves feel better about ourselves if we can actually say that the other person is worse\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014worse; that\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes, it\u2019s a bit like the story He told about the Pharisee and the publican. [Luke 18:9-14] That epitomizes it, doesn\u2019t it? Because the Pharisee says, \u201cI thank you that I\u2019m not like other men.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: Hmmm. \r\n\r\nAlistair: \u201cI do this, and I don\u2019t do that.\u201d Well, if you are part of a church that operates like that, what are you going to do with a poor sinner? Because the fact is, I am the poor sinner. I\u2019m the one that didn\u2019t even lift his eyes to heaven and said, \u201cGod, be merciful to me, a sinner.\u201d \r\n\r\nWhat Jesus is saying [is] you don\u2019t want a church full of those people, who believe that their standing before God is based on the strength of what they\u2019ve done or what they haven\u2019t done as a means of their acceptance. \r\n\r\nGrace is their acceptance and, then, what they don\u2019t do or do is not in order that they might be accepted, but is an expression that they have been accepted; and part of that is that we love our neighbor. We love those that we\u2019re not necessarily that keen on. The average church is not full of people that you want to take a vacation with, let\u2019s be honest. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019m going to say, too, this is so true in marriage. For years, I thought the problems with our marriage were Dave.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Sure.\r\n\r\nDave: You never told me that, not one time. [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAnn: I think it\u2019s as Jesus said, \u201cLook at the plank in your own eye.\u201d [Luke 6:41-42] I remember that as I started doing that and started asking, \u201cGod, show me what I am like,\u201d it was not pretty. We do do that. We look at others without looking at our own lives.\r\n\r\nDave: Alistair, why do you think we\u2014and we all do it\u2014we all miss the plank?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Even in Christ, we still do it.\r\n\r\nDave: We see the speck in our spouse, in our kids, in our neighbor, the person in the other car; you name it, we see it. We think it\u2019s huge, and we miss the plank. Jesus said it.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Because we\u2019re sinners. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Saved sinners, but sinners. Luther says we are curved in on ourselves. We want to present ourselves in the best light. It\u2019s hard to let your guard down and let people really know. \r\n\r\nThat\u2019s the way marriage works though, isn\u2019t it? In marriage\u2014what vulnerability is there in this? \u201cI\u2019m not going to let anyone else see me without my clothes on.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t want anyone else to really see me when I\u2019m thoroughly disheartened.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: But we do that in marriage; we have to. That\u2019s why we need one another.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: And even our kids in the back seat\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: --yes\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014pointing out\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014yes, yes, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: Talk about the balance, though, between Jesus saying, \u201cJudge not,\u201d in Luke 6\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014and Paul saying in 1 Corinthians that we shouldn\u2019t judge those outside the church, but we should judge those inside the church. There is a sense of judgment that's healthy. \r\n\r\nAlistair Yes, right.\r\n\r\nDave: Explain that tension.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Well, there is. If God is going to come and stir things up, what if He starts in the church rather than outside, which is what He does? That\u2019s what Jesus is saying here. This is, if you like, self-examination for the Christian, not ammunition for the Christian to use in confronting what\u2019s going on outside the camp. \r\n\r\nHe\u2019s talking here about a spirit of censoriousness within the framework of evangelical Christianity, for example. Where \u201cwe know what the doctrine is,\u201d \u201dwe know what the church membership standards are,\u201d \u201dwe know all these things.\u201d \u201cWe know, we know, we know\u2026\u201d Okay, fine, well, it\u2019s good to know these things, but the way in which we hold to them and convey that spirit\u2014tone is such a huge part of it, isn\u2019t it?\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: You can say the right things and say them in a way that is harmful or hurtful. But otherwise, how can we keep one another accountable?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes. It\u2019s so hard in this culture, and I think it\u2019s probably always been true; but if I have a standard, as a follower of Christ, that\u2019s biblical\u2014like you said yesterday: \u201cOne man, one woman, covenant of marriage\u201d\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014right.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014that feels judgmental to others who think differently, or are living differently, no matter how\u2014even if I\u2019m very\u2014gracious in my words, it feels, doesn\u2019t it often, like judgment?\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes. In the book\u2014remember there was a book?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes! There was a book somewhere. By the way, we never mentioned the title. It\u2019s called The Christian Manifesto: Jesus' Life-Changing Words from the Sermon on the Plain. \r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes, I wrote that I need to be especially wary in what I say about others to others, because I have a very clever way, and we do in evangelical circles, of criticizing others, or making ourselves look good by comparison, while dressing up that kind of attitude in the posture of spiritual concern or even a prayer request.\r\n\r\nDave: I was going to say, it often happens in a prayer meeting.\r\n\r\nAlistair: There\u2019s a lot of stuff that goes around on that thing. You better be really careful about whose prayer chain you get on.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes, that\u2019s true.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right? \u201cSlow to speak, quick to hear, slow to get angry.\u201d [James 1:19] I do that little poem in there, as well. Do you remember that?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes; read the poem.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I think i can just say it:\r\n\r\n\u201cIf all that we say in a single day,\r\n\r\nWith never a word left out.\r\n\r\nWere printed each nightin clear black and white\r\n\r\nIt would make strange reading, no doubt.\r\n\r\nAnd then, just suppose,\r\n\r\n\u2018ere our eyes would close,\r\n\r\nWe must read the whole record through;Then wouldn\u2019t we sigh,\r\n\r\nand wouldn\u2019t we try,\r\n\r\na great deal less talking to do?\r\n\r\nAnd I more than half-think\r\n\r\nThat many a kink\r\n\r\nWould be smoother in life\u2019s tangled thread.\r\n\r\nIf half that I say in a single day\r\n\r\nWere to be left forever unsaid.\u201d [Author Unknown]\r\n\r\nAnd it\u2019s such a challenge, doing what we do, where we talk. This is what we\u2019re doing; we\u2019re talking. This whole thing is about talking.\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: The person who never steps wrong in his words is a perfect man. How many of them have you met? We\u2019ve only met Jesus. \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Perfect. So don\u2019t many of you get into the teaching game, He says, unless you want to recognize that he who teaches will be judged with greater strictness. [James 3:1]\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: And rightly so. It is hard, especially because words are able to woo people. Words are able to encourage people, but they are also so able to wound people. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I think that\u2019s what Jesus is saying throughout the whole thing. He\u2019s saying, \u201cListen. You are my followers. God is a merciful God. Mercy ought to be part of your DNA.\u201d \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: The love that God has for you is a generous love that is not responsive in any way. It is initiated by nothing other than His immense love. \r\n\r\nWe tend to love people because they\u2019re lovable, or because we like them; and so, it\u2019s a reciprocal thing. I have to remind myself: God loves me not because of what I am! In fact, you know, the idea that \u201cGod loves me just the way I am?\u201d God has only ever loved one person just the way He is, that was His Son. God loves me despite of what I am because He sees me in Christ. \r\n\r\nAnd when I remind myself of that, then I\u2019m\u2014it just puts it; like on a golf cart, they have governors so you can\u2019t kill yourself? It puts the governor in there that goes, \u201cWhoa. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it before you go\u2026\u201d And sadly, of course, I usually go before I hold it, and then I have to come back around and ask for forgiveness.\r\n\r\nDave: The truth is, if we are able to understand what you just said, it should make us extremely humble.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: So, then, when we walk in a room or get in a car, and we have a spirit of judgment, that\u2019s not humble. \r\n\r\nAlistair: No, it\u2019s not.\r\n\r\nDave: Who am I and what am I thinking that I would judge anyone else that\u2019s an image bearer of God just like me?\r\n\r\nAnn: And I\u2019m thinking, too, Dave, in our home, we do that with one another. We do that with husband, with spouse. \r\n\r\nI can remember also doing that with our kids when our kids would talk about other classmates in school. I was so judgmental and verbalized that in a way that our kids would say, \u201cGeez, mom.\u201d I thought, \u201cThat is not the gospel. I am just as broken as anyone else, and I don\u2019t know the situation that they\u2019ve been in.\u201d \r\n\r\nI think I like that word \u201cgovernor,\u201d it gives us the gospel. The Word of God helps us to put a spotlight on our own selves, knowing that we are in need of the gospel and of Jesus.\r\n\r\nDave: Well, Alistair, if you go back to the Sermon on the Plain, in verse 27\u2014and we\u2019re sort of talking about this but\u2014you read these words. Jesus says: \u201cBut I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who abuse you.\u201d What does that look like?\r\n\r\nAlistair: It looks like a revolution, doesn\u2019t it?\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: It looks like nothing you're going to see in the routine magazines, because our whole culture says, \u201cLook after yourself. Defend yourself. Don\u2019t take anybody's nonsense.\u201d And Jesus is saying, \u201cNo. That\u2019s actually not the way you are going to do this.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: And again, it doesn\u2019t mean we are saying, \u201cHey, live any kind of life you want.\u201d \r\n\r\nAlistair: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: But showing love and care and kindness to all people and, as Jesus said, \u201cthose who curse you.\u201d\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: We live in a culture [where] it's always been true: if you get insulted, we applaud people that do a better insult back. We go to movies\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014right.\r\n\r\nDave: One of my favorite movies is Mean Girls. Did you ever see Mean Girls? [Laughter]\r\n\r\nAlistair: No.\r\n\r\nDave: Ann laughs because it\u2019s a high school girls movie, and I\u2019m probably embarrassed to say it, but it's pretty funny. The bad girls in the school, who are picking on the others, get what they deserve, and you\u2019re standing up in the theater clapping at that (or a Denzel Washington movie). When someone deserves it, and they get paid back, we love it. Yet, Jesus says, \u201cNo. Bless those who hurt you.\u201d\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right; yes.\r\n\r\nDave: It just sounds crazy.\r\n\r\nAnn: I remember there was a woman in my life who had hurt me so much. She was gossiping; slandering me; about me. It was going on and on. I had approached her. There could be no reasoning. So, I had an email that I had written, and I thought, \u201cI am sending this.\u201d It was truth! To me, it was truth: \u201cHere it is. Here\u2019s the truth.\u201d I was all ready to send it, and I had let it all out; and I was just about to push send, and I had that little\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014the governor.\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014the governor! Yes. And I asked, \u201cI\u2019m ready, Lord. Here I go.\u201d And then, \u201dCan I? Can I send this?\u201d And what came to my mind was, \u201cLove your enemies.\u201d\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Oh! Oh, it was so hard, because I felt so justified. It was just anger. It was justice that I was going to give. And when I go to that Scripture\u2014I opened up the Scripture then, and I read it. Oh, I wanted to send it so badly, but as I look back\u2014and that\u2019s been years ago, probably ten years. I think, if I had sent that, it would have burned so many bridges. It would have wrecked so much and destroyed a relationship that\u2019s really thriving now.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes. I\u2019ve got two things to say on that. One is, I\u2019ve made it a rule in my life, and certainly in pastoral ministry: if I have something positive to say, I might write it to you; probably will write it to you. If I have something negative to say, I\u2019ll just say it to you. Because I want to give you the opportunity to respond to me, and I don\u2019t want to give you a written record that, when life has gone by, you turn around and say, \u201cWhy did he do that?\u201d \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes!\r\n\r\nAlistair: It might not have been that good. I\u2019ll tell you another thing: you\u2019ll never hear your grandchildren say, \u201cLet\u2019s go up in the attic and read Grandma\u2019s emails.\u201d If we aren\u2019t writing notes to our kids and to our grandchildren; if we aren\u2019t doing that now, they have nothing. They\u2019ve got nothing, because you\u2019ll be gone. They\u2019re not going to read your emails. They\u2019re not that good anyway. \r\n\r\nAnd, again, the other thing is, I get exactly what you are saying. Is it true what I\u2019m writing? Yes. \u201cOkay, well that\u2019s it. Fine.\u201d Not necessarily. Is it kind? Is it necessary? Okay, no. Let\u2019s just leave this alone. Let\u2019s sleep on this for a while. \r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: You think about how much happens to dissolve relationships, just as you are saying, through hastiness and not allowing time to ask the question. That\u2019s a good word. Yes: \u201dLord, shall I send it?\u201d\r\n\r\nAnn: \u201cOr should I say it?\u201dAlistair: Yes. But to say it, you might be wrong even to say it\u2014\r\n\r\nDave and Ann: \u2014because, again, it all depends on how we say things. My dad used to say to me, \u201cYour problem is not what you say, your problem is how you say it.\u201d\r\n\r\nDave: If you think about applying the Sermon on the Mount, the Sermon on the Plain, to your home\u2014\r\n\r\nAnn: \u2014home, that\u2019s what I was thinking, Dave.\r\n\r\nDave: Is your home\u2014is the fragrance, the aroma\u2014\r\n\r\nAlistair: \u2014yes.\r\n\r\nDave: \u2014a kindness?\r\n\r\nAnn: And grace?\r\n\r\nDave: And, again, I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s not truth-telling.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Right.\r\n\r\nDave: You need to do that in a marriage and in a family, but is there an aroma? [Scripture] says the aroma of Christ will draw people. [2 Corinthians 2:14-15] Do your kids want to come? Do your grandkids want to run into your family room? \r\n\r\nAlistair: Right, right!\r\n\r\nDave: They feel seen there rather than judged there.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Yes. The Dutch have a great word: gezellig. Do you know that word, gezellig? \r\n\r\nAnn: No.\r\n\r\nAlistair: It\u2019s almost untranslatable, but it means\u2014you talk about your family room; for someone to come in and say, \u201cThis is gezellig.\u201d It is appealing; there are no harsh lights. It\u2019s partly ambience, it\u2019s partly tone, it\u2019s partly feel. It\u2019s smell, it\u2019s all of that stuff. A restaurant might be gezellig, or a home might be gezellig, or whatever it might be. That\u2019s it. I want the church to be that.\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: Yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Because it\u2019s hard when you are part of the establishment. I don\u2019t even know what it feels like sitting out there!\r\n\r\nDave: Right.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Even when I sit out there, I can\u2019t sit out there like I\u2019m just another person sitting out there.\r\n\r\nDave: Right; yes.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Now my spirit of judgment starts coming in as well, right? \r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAllistair: About the length of the sermon or \u201cwhy are you taking so long doing the notices? Come on, let\u2019s get this thing going,\u201d you know?\r\n\r\nDave: Yes.\r\n\r\nAnn: So true.\r\n\r\nAlistair: I\u2019m my own worst enemy. That\u2019s the truth.\r\n\r\nDave: All I would say is that you [Ann], in our home, create the best gezellig. \r\n\r\nAlistair: There you go.\r\n\r\nAnn: Awww.\r\n\r\nAlistair: That\u2019s lovely.\r\n\r\nDave: Oh, you do. I\u2019m not kidding.\r\n\r\nAlistair: That\u2019s good.\r\n\r\nDave: I watch friends come over, and when they get to the front door to leave, I can tell they don\u2019t want to leave. It\u2019s not because of me. \r\n\r\nAllistair: Yes, yes.\r\n\r\nDave: They're done with Dave, but you bring such joy and empathy and others-centeredness that they feel loved. It\u2019s awesome. Thanks for doing that!\r\n\r\nAnn: That\u2019s nice. Thanks, honey, because I haven\u2019t been great at doing that to you as often. Better now, but there were years, man. Whew! It was not good.\r\n\r\nAlistair: Excuse me, everybody, I\u2019m just going to slip out. [Laughter] \r\n\r\nDave: We don\u2019t know where this is going to go!\r\n\r\nAlistair: This is getting a little too gezellig for me. [Laughter] \r\n\r\nShelby: You know, I love it when Dave gushes about Ann. I just do! It\u2019s such a beautiful example of what it looks like to be a life-giving spirit in your marriage. After so many years, it\u2019s just so delightful when Dave does that.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m Shelby Abbott, and you\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Alistair Begg on FamilyLife Today. Alistair has written a book called The Christian Manifesto: Jesus' Life-Changing Words from the Sermon on the Plain. This book really helps embrace a counter-intuitive and counter-cultural lifestyle guided by kindness, compassion, and the Holy Spirit. You saw a good example of that just now with Dave and Ann Wilson.\r\n\r\nYou can get your copy of Alistair\u2019s book, The Christian Manifesto, by going online to\r\n\r\nFamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call to request your copy at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nThis month is a unique month at FamilyLife, because every donation that you make all month long is going to be matched dollar-for-dollar up to $500,000. That\u2019s right. So, if you give a monthly gift of $100, it\u2019s actually becoming $200 a month. [This is] just happening in the month of May, and it\u2019s a unique way to be able to partner with us and help us reach marriages and families all over the world. \r\n\r\nWhen you become a monthly partner with us here at FamilyLife, you\u2019ll get a couple of perks, too. We\u2019re going to send you a copy of Chris and Elizabeth McKinney\u2019s book, Neighborhoods Reimagined. They were with us last week and talked about how to be a life-giving presence in your neighborhood. So, we\u2019ll send you a copy of that book, and you\u2019ll become a part of our new online community where you get to participate in the conversations that are happening here at FamilyLife, including a live Facebook\u00ae event with the Wilsons and me on June 5th at 7 pm. Again, that\u2019s for all monthly partners.\r\n\r\nSo, if you want to learn how to do that, head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the \u201cDonate Now\u201d button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\r\n\r\nNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are back with Alistair Begg as he explores the challenges of family life in today\u2019s culture and offers parenting advice on how to pass on your faith to your kids. That\u2019s tomorrow. We hope you\u2019ll join us.\r\n\r\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \r\n\r\nFamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife\u00ae, a Cru\u00ae Ministry. \r\n\r\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\r\n\r\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?  \r\n\r\nCopyright \u00a9 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\r\n\r\nwww.FamilyLife                                 \r\n\r\n\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/308508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47000"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=308508"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/280865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=308508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=308508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=308508"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=308508"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=308508"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=308508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}