{"id":307651,"date":"2022-11-16T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2\/"},"modified":"2024-10-18T14:41:07","modified_gmt":"2024-10-18T18:41:07","slug":"youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2\/","title":{"rendered":"You&#8217;ve Gotta See This: Tim Muehlhoff"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">God&#8217;s working around people. So how can you convey, You gotta see this!? On FamilyLife Today, Dave and Ann Wilson host author Tim Muehlhoff, who helps you talk about an unmissable God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>God&#8217;s working around people. So how can you convey, You gotta see this!?  Author Tim Muehlhoff helps you talk about an unmissable God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-11-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:16","filesize":"25.88M","filesize_raw":"27137187","date_recorded":"2022-11-16 10:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2821],"tags":[2456],"podcast_series":[8578],"cwp_profile":[3245],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307651","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reaching-out","tag-gotta-see-this","podcast_series-tim-muehlhoff-eyes-to-see","cwp_profile-tim-muehlhoff","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307651\/youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307651\/youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HzbLMwKTon\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2\/\">You&#8217;ve Gotta See This: Tim Muehlhoff<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/youve-gotta-see-this-tim-muehlhoff-2\/embed\/#?secret=HzbLMwKTon\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;You&#8217;ve Gotta See This: Tim Muehlhoff&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HzbLMwKTon\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"God's working around people. So how can you convey, You gotta see this!? Author Tim Muehlhoff helps you talk about an unmissable God.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<p>Find resources from this podcast at <a href=\"https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=130\">shop.familylife.com<\/a>.<br \/>\nFind more content and resources on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/app\/\">FamilyLife's app<\/a>!<br \/>\nHelp others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303\">Apple Podcast<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm?si=d6dfa8d2415f4750\">Spotify<\/a>.<br \/>\nCheck out all the FamilyLife podcasts on the <a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/\">FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/a><\/p>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-11-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim: \u201c<\/strong>When insulted, I do not want you to insult,\u201d\u2014Peter says\u2014\u201cRather, I want you to give a blessing.\u201d Now, everybody\u2019s sitting there, going, \u201cWhat?! How am I giving a blessing for an insult?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me read you a quote\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014from a book I recently read; it says this: \u201cIf miraculous acts are God\u2019s highlight reel, then common grace is the ever-present but oft-ignored elevator music that plays in the background of our lives 24\/7.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I read that same thing, and thought, \u201cWow! That\u2019s <em>so<\/em> true\u201d; because we often miss that background.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s because we want to see that highlight reel, and we don\u2019t realize there\u2019s a highlight reel going <em>all the time <\/em>that we miss. We have Tim Muehlhoff, the author of that quote, [Laughter] sitting in the studio today. Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>Tim.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s always good to get to be with you two.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you remember writing that quote? I mean, that is so well-said! You must be like a professor of communication, maybe? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> I <em>am <\/em>a Professor of Communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California.<\/p>\n<p>But I think that\u2019s true, at least, in my life! I want the big and dramatic; and to be honest, I can count on one hand\u2014I think like three events\u2014that I would put in the category of: \u201cThis is the overtly supernatural.\u201d But I\u2019ve been a Christian since age 13; so if that\u2019s all I\u2019m going to praise God for, the cupboard\u2019s kind of bare, a little bit.<\/p>\n<p>Well, the doctrine of common grace is: you need to broaden your perspective, because there are things that should be in that cupboard that we just aren\u2019t recognizing. And again, the book has a quote from C.S. Lewis: \u201cWe need to develop the seeing eye and see the many blessings that God has given to us every single day.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and just to remind our listeners\u2014the title of the book is <em>Eyes to See<\/em>\u2014and it\u2019s all about what you just said, this doctrine of common grace.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things I love\u2014that you say often in the book is\u2014\u201cIt isn\u2019t just for Christians. Non-Christians can see this; and actually, it\u2019s one of the ways that we can reach people, far from God: is helping them see God\u2019s been good in their lives, even though they may not be able to see it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; I have a whole section on how to use Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> films to start conversations and <em>The Walking Dead<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m a <em>huge<\/em> fan of <em>Walking Dead.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you <em>really<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> I am a <em>huge fan of The Walking Dead<\/em>. It\u2019s really not about zombies\u2014it\u2019s really not\u2014it\u2019s about human life in the midst of an apocalypse: there\u2019s no government; there\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> to save you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Survival.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Survival. The themes that they deal with are just fascinating.<\/p>\n<p>I struggle, just like your listeners; I just wish God would come up more in my conversations. Well, everybody knows about <em>The Walking Dead<\/em>; you can start a conversation about <em>The Walking Dead. <\/em>There\u2019s a character named Herschel, who starts every morning, by reading from his King James Bible. A person walks by\u2014and you can get the snarky comment, in a zombie apocalypse, like, \u201cHey, I\u2019m kinda surprised you still read that thing!\u201d\u2014and Herschel\u2019s response is: \u201cNo, faith is more important than ever before in a zombie apocalypse.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>I <em>love <\/em>bringing that up!\u2014to say, \u201cHow do you keep your faith in the midst of a zombie apocalypse? [Laughter] I mean, <em>how<\/em> would you keep it?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, exactly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> And I have used that to share with more people than you can imagine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Taking modern art, and saying, \u201cThere\u2019s common grace in there that we can learn from.\u201d It\u2019s the way I think God wants us to reach the world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> John Wesley once said\u2014not about Netflix\u2014but he said: \u201cI think every believer should be able to take the newspaper, and from the front page, be able to transition to the gospel.\u201d I <em>really <\/em>think that that\u2019s true! We know that God speaks through non-Christians as well as through Christians; so I want to find points of contact, that we can have common vocabulary and conversations with my non-Christian friends.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and even with our kids!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014and even with our kids!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014especially.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Oh, entering their world, and sitting down, and seeing the things that they <em>like! <\/em>I really want to know what my students at Biola are watching; it gives me a little bit of a peek.<\/p>\n<p>Now, of course, discernment has to be used; and maybe we even confront, every once in a while, when we do watch what our kids are watching\u2014and we\u2019re a little bit horrified\u2014then, you have one of those conversations like, \u201cIs this <em>really <\/em>good for you to be watching?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But that\u2019s why the book is using illustrations to foster all of these conversations about: common grace, about God, \u201cWhere is He in the world today?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because I\u2019m a communications professor, I absolutely had a chapter on communication; because Americans don\u2019t agree on much today. But a study came out that 98 percent of Americans agree <em>incivility <\/em>is a threat to our country; 68 percent believe it\u2019s already at crisis levels.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> And 45 percent of Americans say: \u201cI do not feel <em>safe<\/em> sharing my perspective publicly.\u201d With that in mind, Deborah Tannen, a Georgetown linguist, calls this the \u201cargument culture.\u201d Again, we can see it\u2014just turn on the news\u2014we see it all the time.<\/p>\n<p>Well, has God abandoned us to the argument culture?\u2014no! He gives us an interesting proverb in Proverbs 18:21: \u201cLife and death is in the power of the tongue,\u201d a very famous verse. But here\u2019s the cool thing: \u201cDid He just give that idea to ancient Jewish writers?\u201d or \u201cDid He give the idea to everybody?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In the book, I created a chart of other spokespeople, who kind of said the same thing; so listen to this very quickly:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Hinduism\/one Hindu mystic says this: \u201cWords can comfort or hurt. It is our pride that makes us use words to hurt.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Buddhism\/Buddha said: \u201cWords have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Even Mohammed, who writes in the Koran that: \u201cPeople who truly follow Allah speak righteous words.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now, think about this for a second\u2014we know there\u2019s virtually no chance the Buddha had any opportunity to read the book of Proverbs\u2014but <em>listen <\/em>to what he says when he says, \u201cWords have the power to both destroy and heal.\u201d Where did he get that idea from? Here\u2019s what I think common grace does: \u201cI\u2019m [God] going to give you an idea of what positive communication can do and what hurtful communication can do. I\u2019m going to give the human race a <em>vision<\/em> of how words can hurt and how they can heal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think we need that today, just as a reminder: \u201cHe didn\u2019t limit it just to Christians; He gave that message everywhere.\u201d I quote Sam Harris, one of the most <em>famous<\/em> atheists today, who virtually says about communication\/conversation: \u201cIt\u2019s the last hope that we have.\u201d God is flooding us with this idea of: \u201cYour words <em>matter<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I quote a study, where these researchers say: \u201cWhen I give you a $50 bill, how does your brain react?\u201d\u2014and then\u2014\u201cIf I give you a compliment, how does it react? Is it similar?\u201d Her research leads to the conclusion: receiving a compliment, your brain registers it the exact same way as if you just received a cash gift.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Now, God created us that way; I think we have this propensity, God-given, to <em>receive <\/em>life-giving words. I love that! So give life!\u2014say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to people\u2014walk up to them and affirm them. We all know that from FamilyLife marriage conferences: our words make a <em>huge<\/em> difference.<\/p>\n<p>I think God has primed us, in a world, that He knows\u2014I mean, how many of the Proverbs have to do with: \u201cYour words are like the thrust of a sword,\u201d or \u201cYou can break a bone with your words\u201d?\u2014that\u2019s the negative\u2014but then, He gives us the positive. I think we <em>desperately<\/em> need both in today\u2019s world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and it\u2019s interesting\u2014you\u2019re not saying that Buddha and Islam are true just because they hit on a truth\u2014you\u2019re saying: \u201cThere\u2019s a God, who reveals common grace to <em>all <\/em>of us, regardless of who and what we believe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Yes; and we\u2019ve been quoting a lot of C.S. Lewis\u2014so here\u2019s him in <em>Mere Christianity<\/em>\u2014he said, \u201cI think, in even the wackiest beliefs, there\u2019s a hint of God\u2019s truth; because God has saturated the world with His truth.\u201d Augustine said, \u201cAll truth meets at the top\u201d; which means, \u201c<em>If <\/em>it is true, then it\u2019s God\u2019s truth, whether the Buddha recognizes that or not.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, we know, Dave\u2014not to go into detail\u2014but what you said: \u201cNo doubt that same Holy Spirit is convicting Buddha\u2019s heart that there\u2019s spiritual truth out there that [he\u2019s] not getting to\u201d; you know what I mean?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> But it does not mean that we can\u2019t look at the writings of Buddha, and say, \u201cI think there\u2019s some truth there.\u201d But that\u2019s the kind of adeptness we\u2019re going to have to have today:\u201d\u2014to look and find, like Easter eggs hidden\u2014\u201c\u2019Where\u2019s God\u2019s truth throughout the entire world?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, go back to the communication idea. If I\u2019m called by God to speak life\u2014and it has power; you illustrated that\u2014what about: \u201cspeak truth\u201d? What\u2019s the balance? Because when Ann and I wrote, in <em>Vertical Marriage, <\/em>marriage needs the spouse\u2014we need to speak life rather than death to one another\u2014the questions came: \u201cWell, what about when I have to say something\u2014a hard truth\u2014to my spouse?\u201d or \u201c\u2026hear a hard truth? How do you balance that out?\u201d You\u2019re a <em>professor<\/em> of communication; so if anybody can answer that, it\u2019s you! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Well, I do think love has to precede truth. My ability to receive your truth is going to be based on what we call a \u201ccommunication climate.\u201d If the climate can support that, then I think you have a better chance that truth is <em>actually <\/em>going to change the person.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, some of us just get frustrated: \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to lay some truth on you,\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t want to do all the hard work of making sure I\u2019m civil, kind\u2014all the things Paul talks about\u2014compassion\u2014\"I\u2019m just going to lay some truth on you.\u201d Well, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s what we\u2019re being called to in the New Testament. It\u2019s love <em>and <\/em>truth\u2014I love the beauty of that\u2014and so I do want to <em>lovingly <\/em>tell the person the truth. If I can\u2019t <em>lovingly<\/em> do it, I don\u2019t think I\u2019m ready to tell the truth.<\/p>\n<p>I love the fact that it\u2019s <em>both<\/em>. We need to have the courage to speak truth; but today, we\u2019re just getting raw truth-telling without any of the love. There\u2019s no respect in our political system; there\u2019s no kindness\u2014we\u2019re just flat out\u2014\u201cWell, I\u2019m telling you the truth,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m sorry if you can\u2019t handle it!\u201d Well, you know, the word \u201cgentleness\u201d is found throughout the <em>entire<\/em> New Testament. As Christians, we need to be gentle as we tell the truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought this quote was really interesting, too, as we\u2019re talking about communication\u2014and this is from the book, <em>The Miracle of Dialogue, <\/em>by Howe\u2014he says, \u201cDialogue is to love.\u201d Did you hear that? \u201cDialogue is to love what blood is to the body. When the flow of blood stops, the body dies.\u201d And then you go through, <em>physically, <\/em>what\u2019s happening to our <em>bodies<\/em> when we don\u2019t have relationship; I\u2019m going to read a couple of these:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cPeople, who lack strong relationships, have two or three times the risk of early death, regardless of whether they smoke, drink alcoholic beverages, or exercise regularly.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Another one is: \u201cTerminal cancer strikes socially-isolated people more often than those who have close personal relationships.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Another one: \u201cDivorced, separated, and widowed people are five to ten times more likely to need mental hospitalization than other married counterparts.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These are <em>fascinating<\/em>! That\u2019s so important in our communication and what\u2019s happening when we socially isolate.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> And we know this from FamilyLife conferences\u2014we all quote John Gottman, who, by the way, is <em>not<\/em> a Christian\u2014and yet, we <em>all<\/em> use his research. Now, we have to, again, be discerning. But man, John Gottman is quoted by Christians researchers and writers as much as non-Christians.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> And he\u2019s brilliant!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> And he\u2019s brilliant; <em>great <\/em>insight! He talks about the 5:1 ratio\u2014he says, \u201cFor every one negative comment, it takes five positives to overcome the negative.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Think about that just for a <em>second,<\/em> in today\u2019s argument culture: how much work we have to do, because we\u2019re throwing that one negative all over the place. We have to step back, and say, \u201cIf God\u2019s Word is true, my words are like the thrust of a sword; am I really going to do that to you right now?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We are creatures who cannot only think about an object; right?\u2014I can look at this table and analyze the table\u2014\u201cDo I like the table?\u2014the shape of it?\u2014the color of it?\u201d The cool thing is, we can do that with ourselves\u2014we <em>literally <\/em>can step back, and say, \u201cHow do I come across with my kids?\u201d\u2014\u201c\u2026my spouse?\u201d\u2014\u201c\u2026my co-worker?\u201d That is what Aristotle said separated us from the animals: \u201cI can reflect on myself!\u201d And I think we need to do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember thinking about this\u2014I was with a small group of moms\u2014we all had teenagers at the time. We were talking about how this is such a tricky phase of their lives and our lives. We talked about how we were complaining <em>about <\/em>them to one another; but then, how we were doing that in the homes.<\/p>\n<p>I remember saying, \u201cYou guys, I feel like I hardly ever compliment my teenager anymore.\u201d And they were all agreeing, like, \u201cYou\u2019re <em>right!<\/em> We\u2019re saying: \u2018You\u2019re not doing this,\u2019 \u2018You need to do this,\u2019 and \u2018Why aren\u2019t you doing this?\u2019\u201d We all agreed: \u201cLet\u2019s try, for one week, to say nothing negative to our teenagers.\u201d It was the most eye-opening experience! And when we came back, a week later, I said, \u201c<em>You guys<\/em>, how was it for you?\u201d And they said, \u201cIt was nearly impossible!\u201d We had <em>no <\/em>idea how much complaining we were doing\/how much criticism. And the other thing that came out was how <em>seldom<\/em> we complimented them.<\/p>\n<p>And here\u2019s what I discovered: I had the <em>best <\/em>week with my teenager that week than I had had in <em>months<\/em>! It\u2019s interesting: I\u2019m thinking I have this terrible teenager, not really realizing the effect my negativity was having on him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and I think we do the same thing in our marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> Totally.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, we can do it with our teen; but I know that\u2014you know, we\u2019ve said this before many times\u2014when Ann started speaking life-giving words to me, it made me a better husband\u2014not because I was any better\u2014I <em>wanted<\/em> to be better, because I\u2019m like, \u201cShe thinks I\u2019m good?\u2014what? I\u2019ve never heard that! She\u2019s like praising me.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m going to be better than you\u2019ve ever imagined!\u201d It\u2019s just the <em>power\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014of praise.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014of praise.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, it goes back to common grace: it\u2019s like eyes to see the good in your spouse, in your son or daughter, that you may not see. That\u2019s God giving you different eyes to see; and then, when you speak that out, it changes everything.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> And maybe we need to start with some self-reflection.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re all speakers for FamilyLife marriage conferences. One speaker said a <em>stupid<\/em> thing, and I went and did it. Here was the stupid thing he said [Laughter]\u2014he said\u2014\u201cGo home and ask your kids how you come across to them.\u201d Dave, don\u2019t ever do that; well, I did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> What did you hear?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did they say?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> I pulled my three kids together; I said, \u201cOkay, talk to me. If there\u2019s one thing you could change about Dad, what would you change?\u201d <em>Three hands <\/em>went up instantly! You know, it was like, \u201cThat was <em>way<\/em> too quick!\u201d And all of them were like, \u201cYou know, when you get irritable, you kind of shout a little bit at us.\u201d I was like, \u201c<em>What<\/em>?!!<em>\u201d <\/em>[Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Now, listen: you can either receive that or not. That\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> moment! I will say my feelings were hurt; but now, I\u2019m going to get defensive or not.<\/p>\n<p>The book of Proverbs compares life-giving words to honey for the soul\u2014Ann, that\u2019s exactly what you were saying\u2014I had just gotten into a pattern of just being irritable about <em>everything<\/em>. The cool thing is: you can rewire yourself to go back, and say, \u201cI\u2019m going to say <em>positives<\/em>!\u201d\u2014it\u2019s the 5:1 ratio.<\/p>\n<p>I would challenge listeners to do that: that ability to reflect on yourself is totally unique to human beings. My dog never says: \u201cI just wonder how good a family pet I\u2019ve been [being] today?\u201d [Laughter] \u201cHave I been living up to expectations when they got me from the shelter?\u201d My dog <em>never <\/em>does that! But we, as human beings, can do that; and I think that is God\u2019s common grace. He has wired our brains to <em>receive<\/em> these compliments in a life-altering way.<\/p>\n<p>Remember the movie, <em>The Help<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I loved that movie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great movie\u2014<em>The Help<\/em>\u2014where you get African American women, who have been brought into a lot of wealthy white women\u2019s homes to help raise the children. One woman has been brought in\u2014and there\u2019s a rather pudgy girl\u2014and the mom is always saying hard things to this girl, like: \u201cHey! No dessert for you. You have to eat that,\u201d \u201cSit up straight!\u201d \u201cWhy don\u2019t you do your homework?\u201d It\u2019s <em>soul-crushing <\/em>to watch!<\/p>\n<p>But when the parents leave\u2014remember, she takes this child, puts her on her lap\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u2014and they do this daily routine\u2014and you all know\u2014we could all do it together; couldn\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p><strong>All<\/strong>: \u201cYou is kind,\u201d \u201cYou is nice\u201d; right? It\u2019s just <em>beautiful!\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cYou is smart.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u201cYou is smart\u201d; we can do that.<\/p>\n<p>Now, here\u2019s the really cool thing about Christianity: Paul says, \u201cDo that to your enemies.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, now, you\u2019ve stepped into a <em>hard<\/em> area!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> See what I mean?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t just do that to people you like and agree with!\u201d What does Peter say?\u2014<\/p>\n<p>1 Peter 3:9: \u201cWhen insulted, I do not want you to insult,\u201d\u2014Peter says\u2014\u201cRather, I want you to give a blessing.\u201d Now, everybody\u2019s sitting there, going, \u201c<em>What<\/em>?!<em> How<\/em> am I giving a blessing for an insult?\u201d Well, we have to know what he means by blessing.<\/p>\n<p>That blessing <em>isn\u2019t<\/em>: \u201cForget about all the bad things you\u2019ve done to us,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not what is meant by a blessing. A blessing would be:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cEven though you are harsh toward me, I\u2019m going to be gentle toward you.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cEven though you are <em>not <\/em>kind to me, I will be kind to you.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cEven though your words towards me are meant to be hurtful, I will speak life-giving words.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201c<em>Even <\/em>as I disagree with your position\/even as I confront you on the mean words you have said to me, I am committed to you that I\u2019ll do it in such a way that the <em>tone<\/em> is one that reflects who Christ is.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That is really <em>unique<\/em> to Christian speakers; and sadly, I wonder how much we\u2019re living up to that in today\u2019s argument culture. How much has the argument culture infiltrated the church? We probably could have some good, self-reflective thinking about that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve said this before\u2014it goes back to us\u2014as parents, modeling this in our homes, for our kids. You know, we had Joe Rigny on here a few weeks back\u2014president of [Bethlehem] College and Seminary. He made a comment about the power of a dad in this area. I want to play it; and Tim, I want to hear you just respond to this.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Joe:<\/strong> \u201cThe heavens declare the glory of God [Psalm 119:1],\u201d\u2014it\u2019s that principle, and then you just run it\u2014\"It\u2019s not just the heavens that do that; <em>everything<\/em> does that! Honey does that; pumpkin crunch cake does that; which means, made things make invisible realities visible.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014general revelation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Joe:<\/strong> \u2014general revelation; that\u2019s exactly\u2014see?\u2014you\u2019re like,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014seminary!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Joe:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI want to come to college!\u201d She\u2019s already got the seminary\u2026\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>The idea there is that God has revealed Himself in the things that He has made\u2014His invisible attributes, His eternal power, His divine nature\u2014clearly perceived in the things that are made. Now:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMade things make invisible realities visible\u201d; that\u2019s step one.<\/p>\n<p>Step two: \u201cYou are a made-thing; you are a made-thing. You\u2019re <em>made<\/em>.\u201d Well, okay; follow the logic: \u201cTherefore, <em>you<\/em> make invisible attributes visible. That\u2019s why God made <em>you,<\/em>\u201d\u2014which means: \u201cNow, then, you go\/okay, now, right to the home\u2014which means, \u2018What\u2019s my role in the home, as a dad? I want to tell the truth about what God is like.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> That\u2019s <em>really<\/em> good!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it really was.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tim:<\/strong> I love it! We incarnate the attributes of God in our home; and we know, from research, that early on, attachment styles are formed, early on, with our children. They are seeing, at a very young age: \u201cThis is what a dad is supposed to do,\u201d \u201cThis is what a mom is supposed to do,\u201d \u201cThis is how God relates to me.\u201d That\u2019s the power of attachment styles is: \u201cI connect to you, and will eventually connect to God, based on your lovingkindness.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We want to change the world!\u2014all of us do\u2014it\u2019s kind of above our pay grade; let\u2019s start in our own house.<\/p>\n<p>My friend, Rick Langer, who\u2019s part of the Winsome Conviction Project\u2014I\u2019m the co-director\u2014he said, \u201cIf we all swept out in front of our front step, we\u2019d pretty soon get pretty clean cities.\u201d And we all need to take care of our own house <em>first<\/em>. All this stuff about common grace just needs to be <em>shown<\/em> in how we interact with each other\u2014within our houses, within our communities, within our cities\u2014and then, maybe, we will see a revival that can even sweep the whole country! We\u2019ve seen revivals before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Shelby:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to hear from Dave and Ann, again, in just a second; but first, our guest today has been Tim Muehlhoff, and he\u2019s written a book called <em>Eyes to See: Recognizing God\u2019s Common Grace in an Unsettled World. <\/em>We\u2019d love to send you a copy as our \u201cThanks,\u201d when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and give to help more families learn about God\u2019s common grace.<\/p>\n<p>Now, Dave and Ann, we <em>love<\/em> hearing stories about how God is changing families. It\u2019s one of our favorite things; isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I tell you, there\u2019s nothing better than getting an email or an actual letter sent to us about the impact that <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is having on a marriage and their family.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s my favorite! [Emotion in voice] I cry when I read them; because God is really changing hearts, legacies, families.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you talk about eyes to see what God\u2019s doing!\u2014that letter or that email\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cOh!\u201d You know, we sit in the studio; we produce content that we hope helps; and then, we hear: \u201cGod meets people through this program.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I wish every listener\/every financial partner could see the impact you\u2019re making through your donation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and keep sending those letters. Your gifts enable those kind of impacts to happen. If you\u2019ve never joined in, as a FamilyLife Partner, and given financially\u2014one time or twelve times\u2014jump in! I\u2019m telling you: your gift gets those kinds of letters sent in, because God uses that to impact lives and generations to come.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes, and you can give, online, by going to FamilyLifeToday.com. This week, when you partner financially with FamilyLife, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d by sending you a copy of Tim Muehlhoff\u2019s book, <em>Eyes to See. <\/em>You can get your copy when you give at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, on <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>Dave and Ann Wilson are joined by Peter Mutabazi, who shares an <em>intense<\/em> story of leaving his abusive dad, making a life for himself as a homeless street kid, losing his identity; and then, everything turning around when someone calls him by his name. That\u2019s tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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