{"id":307528,"date":"2022-07-30T08:02:07","date_gmt":"2022-07-30T12:02:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/clearing-our-conscience-2\/"},"modified":"2025-04-22T13:00:13","modified_gmt":"2025-04-22T17:00:13","slug":"clearing-our-conscience-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/clearing-our-conscience-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Clearing Our Conscience"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Discover the incredible value of living in the freedom of a clear conscience with God and others. Our guests, Erwin Lutzer, Eric Mason, Chris and Cindy Beall, and Paul David Tripp offer biblical insight and heartfelt transparency.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Discover the incredible value of living in the freedom of a clear conscience with God and others. Our guests, Erwin Lutzer, Eric Mason, Chris and Cindy Beall, and Paul David Tripp offer biblical insight and heartfelt transparency.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294950,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-07-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.63M","filesize_raw":"26874647","date_recorded":"2022-07-30 08:02:07","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9261,3303,3522,3097],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307528","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","cwp_profile-chris-and-cindy-beall","cwp_profile-eric-mason","cwp_profile-erwin-lutzer","cwp_profile-paul-david-tripp","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg?w=300","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307528\/clearing-our-conscience-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307528\/clearing-our-conscience-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0uVBR7xZBd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/clearing-our-conscience-2\/\">Clearing Our Conscience<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/clearing-our-conscience-2\/embed\/#?secret=0uVBR7xZBd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Clearing Our Conscience&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0uVBR7xZBd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-07-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-07-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever noticed that, when sin sits and festers, it can just spin out of control and destroy things in its path?\u2014kind of like a tornado. Here is Paul Tripp.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I was a very, very angry man. I was in the midst of destroying my marriage and my ministry; I mean, I was <em>that<\/em> out of control. When God began to reveal that to me, the level of grief in me and embarrassment in me\u2014didn\u2019t happen all at once\u2014that came was life changing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to take a look at grief over sin and life change that comes from genuine repentance on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. You know one of my favorite places to visit is Nashville, Tennessee. You\u2019ve got good food there; you have <em>great<\/em> music there; you have <em>amazing<\/em> coffee there\u2014we haven\u2019t talked about my coffee addiction in quite a long time\u2014but in the middle of this big city is a quiet park.<\/p>\n<p>In the middle of this quiet park is an <em>enormous<\/em> structure; to be exact, it is the replica of the Parthenon in Athens, Greece. Actually, did you know that Nashville is known as the Athens of the South? The Parthenon has 46 outer pillars or columns to it. Pillars are strong; they are used as building support, kind of like foundational support.<\/p>\n<p>Just like the Parthenon, FamilyLife has some core pillars; but they look a little different than the pillars on the Parthenon. If you were to walk into the foyer at the [former] FamilyLife offices, here, in Little Rock, you would notice four banners hanging in the rotunda that remind us what our core pillars are. The first banner you would come to is personal repentance and purity.<\/p>\n<p>Now, repentance\u2014I get that\u2014that\u2019s a <em>really<\/em> touchy thing, because we don\u2019t like to talk about that at all; do we? But before we talk about repentance, there is something <em>underneath<\/em> repentance; and that\u2019s our conscience. Erwin Lutzer is the author of the book, <em>The Power of a Clear Conscience: Let God Free You from Your Past<\/em>. He spoke with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, just a few weeks ago; and Dr. Lutzer explained that it\u2019s easy for us to make a mistake about the <em>state<\/em> of our conscience.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> There are people today, who feel guilty over things they should <em>not<\/em> feel guilty about; and by the way, there are those who <em>don\u2019t<\/em> feel guilty about something they <em>should<\/em> feel guilty about. The conscience has to be informed by Scripture. To the person, who is inheriting guilt: it\u2019s not all your fault; because we\u2019re dealing with people, all the time\u2014because of bad parenting, they have guilt that has been heaped upon them, and they have shame that has been heaped upon them\u2014so they need to be able to see God\u2019s grace and mercy there as well.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone has a conscience\u2014we have all felt it\u2014it\u2019s like going through a metal detector. Sometimes, it is set more sensitively; so it goes off more easily. You may have been in a home, where everything was very loose, your conscience doesn\u2019t trouble you; and maybe, it should. You may be, also, in a home, where it was too strict; it\u2019s [your conscience is] troubling you about things that <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> trouble you. So we need a conscience that is informed by the Word of God\u2014so that we understand that the rudimentary issues of the law are written on every heart\u2014but of course, the conscience can be shaped, and has to be, by the Word of God.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are some things in every human conscience that are imprinted there, by God, at birth; so that we grow up knowing some right and wrong, independent of what cultural data we get; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> Exactly; that\u2019s why people, all over the world, have a conscience; and they are struggling, and they have an intuitive sense of right or wrong\u2014not perfect\u2014but nonetheless, it is there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; as you were talking there, I was thinking about Romans 1; it says: \u201cFor the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who, by their unrighteousness, suppress the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You use an illustration I want you to comment on here. You said, \u201cSome people feel like they have a mountain of shame and guilt, but God has something better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> He really does; and the big text there is in the book of Hebrews, where it says that: \u201cJesus despised the shame.\u201d Jesus shamed shame. To the person, who is listening today, who is saying, \u201cI am filled with shame,\u201d you come to Jesus; and you spill all that out. He will receive you; you don\u2019t have to be ashamed in His presence, because He is going to replace it with a sense of wholeness.<\/p>\n<p>What you need to do is recognize this: that the shame that you experience could be demonic; perhaps, you are even ashamed about something that you should be ashamed about. Either way, Jesus is there; and He\u2019s the One who is able to cleanse us\/to forgive us so that we can stand in His presence and be welcomed, and received, and valued. That is, of course, the essence of the gospel: is we come to Jesus Christ, the One who died for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you talked about in the book, that I like, was there was a mountain of shame that we feel; but God\u2019s got a bigger mountain of grace.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> Oh, I love that. Actually, it\u2019s a quote from Spurgeon, who says that: \u201cNo matter how big the mountain is of our sin, God\u2019s grace is always a bigger mountain.\u201d Let me say this: \u201cThe righteousness of Jesus Christ, applied to the human heart, that righteousness is far greater than our sin.\u201d I always like to tell people that there is more grace and love in God\u2019s heart than there is sin in your past. So you come as you <em>are<\/em>; and you receive that, lay it down, and God is able to give you grace and strength in the midst of your conflict.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What a great reminder that the grace in God\u2019s heart is always bigger than our sin. That was Dr. Erwin Lutzer. He is a pastor, and he\u2019s also a radio show host. To hear more of his discussion with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, go to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. Of course, do that after you\u2019ve heard this entire show; because you wouldn\u2019t want to make me mad, because I would have to repent of my anger. Oh, wait; that\u2019s what this show is all about; isn\u2019t it?\u2014yes, repentance.<\/p>\n<p>One of the best places to practice this repentance is in your marriage\u2014because it might be the relationship you sin most in\u2014well, other than in your relationship with God, that is. To help us understand repentance in marriage, I wanted you to hear Eric Mason. He has a master\u2019s in theology; he has a PhD; but most importantly, he has been married to Yvette for a long time and has had to live out what he preaches.<\/p>\n<p>He was recently on board the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. He taught from Psalm 51, that\u2019s where David is crying out to God over his sin with Bathsheba. We all know that David is a man after God\u2019s own heart; but that heart also had sin in it, and he did wrong. Remember, in 2 Samuel 12, God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David with his sin. Now, Nathan was very crafty in how he did this; in fact, he told David a parable about a man in the kingdom, who was doing wrong to others. David was incensed.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> See, it\u2019s interesting that David had a lot of self-righteousness when it came to somebody else\u2019s sin. But when it came to him dealing with his sin, he\u2019s going to say what we hear in the first part of this chapter, which I think we all should call upon and work through, as people who are to be repentant spouses. You must throw yourself on the character of God.<\/p>\n<p>Right here, David says, \u201cHave mercy on me, O God.\u201d I like the fact that he calls for God\u2019s mercy, because he calls on God\u2019s character before he dealt with his sin. This is very, very important; because if you focus in on your sin first, then you\u2019ll get depressed; you\u2019ll get frustrated; and you feel locked in.<\/p>\n<p>But if you put your mind on the character of God, then you\u2019ll have encouragement to deal with your sin; but if you try to deal with your sin, without the character of God, you will get in deeper bondage. That\u2019s why you need the gospel, not self-righteousness, because the gospel is the willingness to submit ourselves to the beauty of the character of God so that Christ\u2019s righteousness can cover our sin and deal with it. So we call on God\u2019s character, not our sin.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience:<\/strong> Amen.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> So you\u2019ve got to make sure God\u2019s\u2014[Applause]\u2014you\u2019ve got to make sure, in your life\u2014no matter where you are in your marriage\u2014that the character of God, and the perfections and attributes of God, is driving your marriage, not just your sin. Because if you just mention your sin to each other all the time, then all you\u2019re going to do is argue about: \u201cWell, you sinned against me,\u201d \u201cNo; you sinned against me,\u201d \u201cBut the other day, it was you,\u201d \u201cNo; the other day it was you,\u201d \u201cNo, you remember what you did?\u201d You\u2019re just going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> But if <em>you<\/em> focus on God\u2019s mercy, and you\u2019ll look at the little bit that your spouse did to you in light of the holiness of God on your life, and you say, \u201cGod, I deserve this\u2026so how am I going to add on and push on to them what You didn\u2019t give to me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So my man, David\/he begins to throw himself and calls on the attributes that he needs. Then, after that, he says something beautiful; he says, \u201cAccording to Your steadfast love\u201d; I like that\u2014that\u2019s the Hebrew word, <em>hesed<\/em>\u2014that word means \u201cloyal love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Somebody say, \u201cLoyal love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience:<\/strong> Loyal love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> Loyal love points to this: God\u2019s unconditional covenant with His people. That means He is faithful even though we are not faithful. David isn\u2019t calling on family; he\u2019s not calling on\u2014like: \u201cGod, I\u2019ve been killing it for your glory: I\u2019ve been spending time in the Word. I figure I just deserve some love right now,\u201d\u2014no; that is not what he does.<\/p>\n<p>What he does is\u2014he says\u2014\u201cI know I\u2019ve messed up beyond the worst level of messing up, and what I need is: I need the God, right now, who will deal with me, based on His commitment to covenant, not my failure of the covenant.\u201d See, that\u2019s what is so good about the new covenant through Christ, though, is that the new covenant, through Christ, is an unconditional covenant, where God does all the work of the covenant; and we work <em>because<\/em> of His love, not working to <em>get<\/em> His love; so he lays out for us this covenant love and this steadfast love.<\/p>\n<p>Then he says, again, \u201c\u2026according to Your abundant mercy.\u201d Then he begins to deal with his sin; then he begins to say, \u201cLord,\u201d\u2014he says\u2014\u201cblot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly.\u201d He says, \u201cI want it all gone, God.\u201d He says, \u201cI don\u2019t want any trace of my mess; just let me build a foundation.\u201d He said he doesn\u2019t want any of his mess to get in the way of his relationship with the living God; he says, \u201cCleanse me from my sin\u201d; he asks for full cleansing from his sin.<\/p>\n<p>So first thing we see, if you are going to be a deeply repentant spouse, is the attributes of God\u2014God\u2019s mercy, God\u2019s love, God\u2019s grace, God\u2019s long suffering, God\u2019s spirituality, God\u2019s omniscience, God\u2019s omnipresence\u2014His attributes must pervade a marriage; because the more your mind is on the Lord in your marriage, and not just the faults of your spouse, then you can deal with sin.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow; that is a really tall order. Eric Mason is saying that, to be a deeply repentant spouse, we need the attributes of God\u2014His mercy, and His love, His grace, and His long suffering\u2014because when we have the mind of Christ, it\u2019s only then that we can deal with sin and be who we need to be in our marriages.<\/p>\n<p>Eric also wrote an article on this subject, and we have it on our website for you. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Hey, it\u2019s time for a break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to take a look at how this repentance plays out. We\u2019re going to learn by example, so stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. If you\u2019re married, one of your worst fears could be that your spouse is cheating on you. How do you think <em>you\u2019d<\/em> react if you found out that your spouse was having an affair? On the flipside, what if you\u2019re the one involved in the affair? How would go about confessing this to your spouse?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what happened to Chris Beall. He was a pastor, who had just moved his family halfway across the country, to accept a new pastorate. Chris thought that he was leaving behind the sins of the past\u2014sins that his wife Cindy wasn\u2019t aware of\u2014until that day. Here\u2019s Chris.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Chris:<\/strong> Our pastor was leading a staff meeting, and we had only been there for six weeks. We\u2019re still in boxes, just bought a house\u2014I mean, we just got there\u2014didn\u2019t know anyone. He was talking about a friend of his that had morally fallen\/had an affair. Craig made a statement\/he said: \u201cYou know what?\u201d\u2014he said\u2014\u201cYour sin will find you out; it always will. It\u2019s just a matter of time.\u201d He said that we all struggle with things, and that if you confess\u2014if there is something you are dealing with\u2014if you confess it, you\u2019ll find mercy; you\u2019ll find grace. If you hide it, and you get caught, there will probably be a different story.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That was it; that\u2019s all I could handle. It was a Tuesday. I went home, and Cindy was unpacking boxes. I knew that this conversation would probably yield the loss of a marriage, the breaking of a family, and certainly the end of ministry; but I went in and just said, \u201cHoney, we\u2019ve got to talk.\u201d That\u2019s pretty much all I could take.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> The door opened; and I thought, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d I came around the corner, and there he was. It was 9:30 in the morning, and he just looked at me and said those words: \u201cWe need to talk.\u201d I knew right then: \u201cOkay, something is not right.\u201d I wasn\u2019t sure if someone died, or if he had lost his job, but something was clearly wrong.<\/p>\n<p>We sit down on the sofa; and he just proceeds to tell me: \u201cI\u2019ve been unfaithful to you with many women, many different times, many different places over the course of about this two-year period.\u201d He said, \u201cOne of the women is pregnant, and I\u2019m pretty sure that I\u2019m the father.\u201d I went probably into a place of just somewhere in outer space\u2014just like shock\u2014immediate like: \u201cIs this really happening?\u201d\u2014almost out-of-body-like experience.<\/p>\n<p>Within a few\u201430 minutes or so\u2014our pastor Craig, and another pastor, Jerry, came over; and they are sitting across from us. We\u2019re just kind of, all four, staring at each other. They are not really looking at Chris, because they are pretty mad at him at this point. I never went to that anger place at this time; I just thought, \u201cWhat do we do now? What\u2019s the next step?\u201d There is <em>nothing<\/em> that took me to this level of despair like that confession that day. I literally asked God to just take me home; I just wanted to die.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because of the betrayal?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely\u2014the betrayal; the baby\u2014no one is supposed to be the mother of his children, just me; I\u2019m the mother of his children.<\/p>\n<p>I remember saying, \u201cGod, You told me to trust You. How in the world is <em>this<\/em> going to show that I can trust You?\u201d That was really\/that was really the only time I questioned God, because I was very aware\u2014even in the midst of that devastation\u2014I was very aware that it wasn\u2019t God who let me down; it was my husband. A lot of people blame God. I don\u2019t blame God for those kinds of things. I <em>knew<\/em> it was my husband; but I kept saying, \u201cOkay, God, I don\u2019t understand how You\/why wasn\u2019t this revealed, somehow, sooner before there was a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did you ask him to leave the house?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I did not. We didn\u2019t know anybody; I didn\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m kind of one of those financial nerds; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWell, we can\u2019t afford for him to go stay in a hotel. I\u2019m surely not sending him to hotel; he\u2019s going to cheat again.\u201d There were all these things that\/so we just stayed there.<\/p>\n<p>I think what made it possible for me to stay in the same home with him was he was broken. He was <em>completely<\/em> <em>devastated<\/em> by what he had done to the name of Jesus and to our family. He was not like [condescendingly]: \u201cYou need to get over this. I\u2019m sorry it happened; but if you\u2019d been a better wife\u2026\u201d\u2014there was <em>nothing<\/em> like that. I mean, he just sat there and would just weep for <em>hours<\/em> over what he\u2019d done.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What saved your life, and your marriage, and your family?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Well, infidelity is grounds for divorce; but it is also\u2014with the right mindsets and the right willingness to surrender\u2014it is an opportunity for forgiveness and restoration. My encouragement to that woman, or to that man, who is about to hear that, or just heard it 20 minutes ago, or two days ago, is: \u201cYou do not have to decide the rest of your life in the next two days\/in the next two weeks. Do <em>not<\/em> make a rash decision. Your emotions are heightened, and you don\u2019t know which way is up and which way is down.\u201d That was some advice that was given to <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>It gave the Holy Spirit time\u2014because I didn\u2019t act on my flesh, which was: \u201cCut bait!\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cHit the road; get out of here.\u201d It gave the Holy Spirit time to massage my heart and say, \u201cI\u2019ve got a plan; will you let Me work on it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now, that\u2019s true repentance: when we realize our sin against God and against others, and we <em>grieve<\/em>. Chris and Cindy Beall\u2019s story of repentance, and forgiveness, and redemption can be heard on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. The story that you heard from Chris and Cindy was after about a decade of repentance and healing and, really, God restoring a marriage. Actually, together, they have a ministry to other couples, who are in hurting marriages. They are encouraging people to continue on in their walk with God.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe, you\u2019re dealing with a different sin\u2014one of those sins that only those closest to you can see\u2014like anger. Paul Tripp and his wife Luella know this sin well. Paul\u2019s been a frequent guest, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; he\u2019s also a good friend of ours. He\u2019s a pastor and conference speaker; also, an author. In spite of his expertise, and all his training in counseling, there was this sin that he let grow in his life.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I was a very, very angry man\u2014I was in the midst of destroying my marriage and my ministry\u2014I mean, I was <em>that<\/em> out of control. When God began to reveal that to me, the level of grief in me and embarrassment in me\u2014didn\u2019t happen all at once\u2014that came was life changing.<\/p>\n<p>Because, instead of anger\u2014the focus of anger is always outside of me: it\u2019s what <em>you<\/em> do;\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s how <em>you<\/em> do it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> \u2014how about understanding: anger always tells me more about <em>me<\/em> than it does about other people?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did you give your wife permission to speak into your life because of this problem?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Absolutely. When I saw, I, right away knew: \u201cI am so incredibly blind; I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> going to be able to do this by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When she first started speaking into it,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> \u2014it was hard.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014hard to hear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> She would say to me, \u201cWait a minute; you asked me to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I\u2019d say, \u201cOh, yes; you\u2019re right.\u201d [Laughter] Oh, it was <em>very<\/em>, very hard; but I <em>needed<\/em> it, because I was <em>so<\/em> comfortable with those emotions\/so used to indulging those emotions that the concept of critiquing them was just new for me; but it became life-altering for me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I really like your description: \u201cindulging anger\u201d; because first, you eat it, and you consume it; and then, it eats you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what did you end up doing as your wife kept, repeatedly, going, \u201cPaul, what\u2019s making you angry?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I ran to God for help. I became convinced that I was a deep danger to myself\u2014I\u2019m not being overly dramatic\u2014I was convinced of that; and that I\u2019d become such a sovereign in my own world, with my own set of unwritten rules for everybody in my life, that I was a danger to me and a danger to them. It <em>scared<\/em> me, and I cried out: \u201cGod, You\u2019ve got to help me,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to help me,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to help me.\u201d I cried out again, and again, and again.<\/p>\n<p>Second thing I did was: I realized, \u201cI can\u2019t indulge anger.\u201d Instead of moving into the scene, I would get out of the scene. I get to a room; and I\u2019d say, \u201cGod, I\u2019m feeling it again. I can feel my hand shaking. Help me.\u201d I reached out for help\u2014not just to my wife\u2014but the people in my life. I began to confess that this was my issue, so I had a lot of people speaking into me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Over a period of time, here is what happened: I\u2019m not a man, now, who stands with his fists clinched and saying, \u201cBoy, you ought to be glad I\u2019m a Christian; because if I weren\u2019t a Christian, I\u2019d deck you.\u201d When I\u2019m in those situations, I don\u2019t experience the anger anymore; that\u2019s the transforming power of grace. Hear this: \u201cYour Savior is not satisfied with just <em>forgiving<\/em> you. He will <em>transform<\/em> you; run to Him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, I have <em>so<\/em> much to learn. The humility and the vulnerability from Paul Tripp is such an example of a life poured for Christ; and what a great reminder that Jesus isn\u2019t satisfied with just hearing our repentance or with forgiving us; but He wants to <em>transform<\/em> us. He wants the <em>entire<\/em> process to take place in our lives. So, as Paul Tripp said, \u201cRun to Him.\u201d If you don\u2019t know how to do that, go to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com, and look for the link to: \u201cHow to Know God.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Next week, we\u2019re going to talk a little bit more about the next step in repentance; and that is, forgiveness. We need to close the loop on this repentance thing. We are going to hear from Voddie Baucham. I always <em>love<\/em> hearing from Voddie. He\u2019s going to help us understand and help us <em>deal<\/em> with forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening. I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to the production team today: to Justin and Keith, Marques, Bruce, and also Megan.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n"],"duration":["00:"],"filesize":["25.63M"],"filesize_raw":["26874647"],"_edit_lock":["1745341219:47000"],"_edit_last":["47000"],"theme_header_position":["Sticky"],"post_header_is_sticky":["default"],"is_header_overlay":["0"],"episode_type":["audio"],"date_recorded":["2022-07-30 08:02:07"],"enclosure":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-07-30.mp3"],"_seopress_redirections_type":["301"],"_seopress_redirections_logged_status":["both"],"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":[""],"_g_feedback_shortcode_fd6ee77450d6a780ad65ccc277c033253bdc05c4":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:1;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:2;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:3;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:4;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:7;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:9;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:10;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:11;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:14;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:17;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:18;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:19;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";s:10:\"1776405791\";s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg",300,300,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Discover the incredible value of living in the freedom of a clear conscience with God and others. Our guests, Erwin Lutzer, Eric Mason, Chris and Cindy Beall, and Paul David Tripp offer biblical insight and heartfelt transparency.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-07-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever noticed that, when sin sits and festers, it can just spin out of control and destroy things in its path?\u2014kind of like a tornado. Here is Paul Tripp.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I was a very, very angry man. I was in the midst of destroying my marriage and my ministry; I mean, I was <em>that<\/em> out of control. When God began to reveal that to me, the level of grief in me and embarrassment in me\u2014didn\u2019t happen all at once\u2014that came was life changing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to take a look at grief over sin and life change that comes from genuine repentance on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>Welcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. You know one of my favorite places to visit is Nashville, Tennessee. You\u2019ve got good food there; you have <em>great<\/em> music there; you have <em>amazing<\/em> coffee there\u2014we haven\u2019t talked about my coffee addiction in quite a long time\u2014but in the middle of this big city is a quiet park.<\/p>\n<p>In the middle of this quiet park is an <em>enormous<\/em> structure; to be exact, it is the replica of the Parthenon in Athens, Greece. Actually, did you know that Nashville is known as the Athens of the South? The Parthenon has 46 outer pillars or columns to it. Pillars are strong; they are used as building support, kind of like foundational support.<\/p>\n<p>Just like the Parthenon, FamilyLife has some core pillars; but they look a little different than the pillars on the Parthenon. If you were to walk into the foyer at the [former] FamilyLife offices, here, in Little Rock, you would notice four banners hanging in the rotunda that remind us what our core pillars are. The first banner you would come to is personal repentance and purity.<\/p>\n<p>Now, repentance\u2014I get that\u2014that\u2019s a <em>really<\/em> touchy thing, because we don\u2019t like to talk about that at all; do we? But before we talk about repentance, there is something <em>underneath<\/em> repentance; and that\u2019s our conscience. Erwin Lutzer is the author of the book, <em>The Power of a Clear Conscience: Let God Free You from Your Past<\/em>. He spoke with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, just a few weeks ago; and Dr. Lutzer explained that it\u2019s easy for us to make a mistake about the <em>state<\/em> of our conscience.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> There are people today, who feel guilty over things they should <em>not<\/em> feel guilty about; and by the way, there are those who <em>don\u2019t<\/em> feel guilty about something they <em>should<\/em> feel guilty about. The conscience has to be informed by Scripture. To the person, who is inheriting guilt: it\u2019s not all your fault; because we\u2019re dealing with people, all the time\u2014because of bad parenting, they have guilt that has been heaped upon them, and they have shame that has been heaped upon them\u2014so they need to be able to see God\u2019s grace and mercy there as well.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone has a conscience\u2014we have all felt it\u2014it\u2019s like going through a metal detector. Sometimes, it is set more sensitively; so it goes off more easily. You may have been in a home, where everything was very loose, your conscience doesn\u2019t trouble you; and maybe, it should. You may be, also, in a home, where it was too strict; it\u2019s [your conscience is] troubling you about things that <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> trouble you. So we need a conscience that is informed by the Word of God\u2014so that we understand that the rudimentary issues of the law are written on every heart\u2014but of course, the conscience can be shaped, and has to be, by the Word of God.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are some things in every human conscience that are imprinted there, by God, at birth; so that we grow up knowing some right and wrong, independent of what cultural data we get; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> Exactly; that\u2019s why people, all over the world, have a conscience; and they are struggling, and they have an intuitive sense of right or wrong\u2014not perfect\u2014but nonetheless, it is there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; as you were talking there, I was thinking about Romans 1; it says: \u201cFor the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who, by their unrighteousness, suppress the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You use an illustration I want you to comment on here. You said, \u201cSome people feel like they have a mountain of shame and guilt, but God has something better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> He really does; and the big text there is in the book of Hebrews, where it says that: \u201cJesus despised the shame.\u201d Jesus shamed shame. To the person, who is listening today, who is saying, \u201cI am filled with shame,\u201d you come to Jesus; and you spill all that out. He will receive you; you don\u2019t have to be ashamed in His presence, because He is going to replace it with a sense of wholeness.<\/p>\n<p>What you need to do is recognize this: that the shame that you experience could be demonic; perhaps, you are even ashamed about something that you should be ashamed about. Either way, Jesus is there; and He\u2019s the One who is able to cleanse us\/to forgive us so that we can stand in His presence and be welcomed, and received, and valued. That is, of course, the essence of the gospel: is we come to Jesus Christ, the One who died for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you talked about in the book, that I like, was there was a mountain of shame that we feel; but God\u2019s got a bigger mountain of grace.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Erwin:<\/strong> Oh, I love that. Actually, it\u2019s a quote from Spurgeon, who says that: \u201cNo matter how big the mountain is of our sin, God\u2019s grace is always a bigger mountain.\u201d Let me say this: \u201cThe righteousness of Jesus Christ, applied to the human heart, that righteousness is far greater than our sin.\u201d I always like to tell people that there is more grace and love in God\u2019s heart than there is sin in your past. So you come as you <em>are<\/em>; and you receive that, lay it down, and God is able to give you grace and strength in the midst of your conflict.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What a great reminder that the grace in God\u2019s heart is always bigger than our sin. That was Dr. Erwin Lutzer. He is a pastor, and he\u2019s also a radio show host. To hear more of his discussion with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, go to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. Of course, do that after you\u2019ve heard this entire show; because you wouldn\u2019t want to make me mad, because I would have to repent of my anger. Oh, wait; that\u2019s what this show is all about; isn\u2019t it?\u2014yes, repentance.<\/p>\n<p>One of the best places to practice this repentance is in your marriage\u2014because it might be the relationship you sin most in\u2014well, other than in your relationship with God, that is. To help us understand repentance in marriage, I wanted you to hear Eric Mason. He has a master\u2019s in theology; he has a PhD; but most importantly, he has been married to Yvette for a long time and has had to live out what he preaches.<\/p>\n<p>He was recently on board the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. He taught from Psalm 51, that\u2019s where David is crying out to God over his sin with Bathsheba. We all know that David is a man after God\u2019s own heart; but that heart also had sin in it, and he did wrong. Remember, in 2 Samuel 12, God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David with his sin. Now, Nathan was very crafty in how he did this; in fact, he told David a parable about a man in the kingdom, who was doing wrong to others. David was incensed.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> See, it\u2019s interesting that David had a lot of self-righteousness when it came to somebody else\u2019s sin. But when it came to him dealing with his sin, he\u2019s going to say what we hear in the first part of this chapter, which I think we all should call upon and work through, as people who are to be repentant spouses. You must throw yourself on the character of God.<\/p>\n<p>Right here, David says, \u201cHave mercy on me, O God.\u201d I like the fact that he calls for God\u2019s mercy, because he calls on God\u2019s character before he dealt with his sin. This is very, very important; because if you focus in on your sin first, then you\u2019ll get depressed; you\u2019ll get frustrated; and you feel locked in.<\/p>\n<p>But if you put your mind on the character of God, then you\u2019ll have encouragement to deal with your sin; but if you try to deal with your sin, without the character of God, you will get in deeper bondage. That\u2019s why you need the gospel, not self-righteousness, because the gospel is the willingness to submit ourselves to the beauty of the character of God so that Christ\u2019s righteousness can cover our sin and deal with it. So we call on God\u2019s character, not our sin.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience:<\/strong> Amen.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> So you\u2019ve got to make sure God\u2019s\u2014[Applause]\u2014you\u2019ve got to make sure, in your life\u2014no matter where you are in your marriage\u2014that the character of God, and the perfections and attributes of God, is driving your marriage, not just your sin. Because if you just mention your sin to each other all the time, then all you\u2019re going to do is argue about: \u201cWell, you sinned against me,\u201d \u201cNo; you sinned against me,\u201d \u201cBut the other day, it was you,\u201d \u201cNo; the other day it was you,\u201d \u201cNo, you remember what you did?\u201d You\u2019re just going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> But if <em>you<\/em> focus on God\u2019s mercy, and you\u2019ll look at the little bit that your spouse did to you in light of the holiness of God on your life, and you say, \u201cGod, I deserve this\u2026so how am I going to add on and push on to them what You didn\u2019t give to me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So my man, David\/he begins to throw himself and calls on the attributes that he needs. Then, after that, he says something beautiful; he says, \u201cAccording to Your steadfast love\u201d; I like that\u2014that\u2019s the Hebrew word, <em>hesed<\/em>\u2014that word means \u201cloyal love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Somebody say, \u201cLoyal love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience:<\/strong> Loyal love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Eric:<\/strong> Loyal love points to this: God\u2019s unconditional covenant with His people. That means He is faithful even though we are not faithful. David isn\u2019t calling on family; he\u2019s not calling on\u2014like: \u201cGod, I\u2019ve been killing it for your glory: I\u2019ve been spending time in the Word. I figure I just deserve some love right now,\u201d\u2014no; that is not what he does.<\/p>\n<p>What he does is\u2014he says\u2014\u201cI know I\u2019ve messed up beyond the worst level of messing up, and what I need is: I need the God, right now, who will deal with me, based on His commitment to covenant, not my failure of the covenant.\u201d See, that\u2019s what is so good about the new covenant through Christ, though, is that the new covenant, through Christ, is an unconditional covenant, where God does all the work of the covenant; and we work <em>because<\/em> of His love, not working to <em>get<\/em> His love; so he lays out for us this covenant love and this steadfast love.<\/p>\n<p>Then he says, again, \u201c\u2026according to Your abundant mercy.\u201d Then he begins to deal with his sin; then he begins to say, \u201cLord,\u201d\u2014he says\u2014\u201cblot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly.\u201d He says, \u201cI want it all gone, God.\u201d He says, \u201cI don\u2019t want any trace of my mess; just let me build a foundation.\u201d He said he doesn\u2019t want any of his mess to get in the way of his relationship with the living God; he says, \u201cCleanse me from my sin\u201d; he asks for full cleansing from his sin.<\/p>\n<p>So first thing we see, if you are going to be a deeply repentant spouse, is the attributes of God\u2014God\u2019s mercy, God\u2019s love, God\u2019s grace, God\u2019s long suffering, God\u2019s spirituality, God\u2019s omniscience, God\u2019s omnipresence\u2014His attributes must pervade a marriage; because the more your mind is on the Lord in your marriage, and not just the faults of your spouse, then you can deal with sin.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow; that is a really tall order. Eric Mason is saying that, to be a deeply repentant spouse, we need the attributes of God\u2014His mercy, and His love, His grace, and His long suffering\u2014because when we have the mind of Christ, it\u2019s only then that we can deal with sin and be who we need to be in our marriages.<\/p>\n<p>Eric also wrote an article on this subject, and we have it on our website for you. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Hey, it\u2019s time for a break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to take a look at how this repentance plays out. We\u2019re going to learn by example, so stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p>[Radio Station Spot Break]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. If you\u2019re married, one of your worst fears could be that your spouse is cheating on you. How do you think <em>you\u2019d<\/em> react if you found out that your spouse was having an affair? On the flipside, what if you\u2019re the one involved in the affair? How would go about confessing this to your spouse?<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what happened to Chris Beall. He was a pastor, who had just moved his family halfway across the country, to accept a new pastorate. Chris thought that he was leaving behind the sins of the past\u2014sins that his wife Cindy wasn\u2019t aware of\u2014until that day. Here\u2019s Chris.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Chris:<\/strong> Our pastor was leading a staff meeting, and we had only been there for six weeks. We\u2019re still in boxes, just bought a house\u2014I mean, we just got there\u2014didn\u2019t know anyone. He was talking about a friend of his that had morally fallen\/had an affair. Craig made a statement\/he said: \u201cYou know what?\u201d\u2014he said\u2014\u201cYour sin will find you out; it always will. It\u2019s just a matter of time.\u201d He said that we all struggle with things, and that if you confess\u2014if there is something you are dealing with\u2014if you confess it, you\u2019ll find mercy; you\u2019ll find grace. If you hide it, and you get caught, there will probably be a different story.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That was it; that\u2019s all I could handle. It was a Tuesday. I went home, and Cindy was unpacking boxes. I knew that this conversation would probably yield the loss of a marriage, the breaking of a family, and certainly the end of ministry; but I went in and just said, \u201cHoney, we\u2019ve got to talk.\u201d That\u2019s pretty much all I could take.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> The door opened; and I thought, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d I came around the corner, and there he was. It was 9:30 in the morning, and he just looked at me and said those words: \u201cWe need to talk.\u201d I knew right then: \u201cOkay, something is not right.\u201d I wasn\u2019t sure if someone died, or if he had lost his job, but something was clearly wrong.<\/p>\n<p>We sit down on the sofa; and he just proceeds to tell me: \u201cI\u2019ve been unfaithful to you with many women, many different times, many different places over the course of about this two-year period.\u201d He said, \u201cOne of the women is pregnant, and I\u2019m pretty sure that I\u2019m the father.\u201d I went probably into a place of just somewhere in outer space\u2014just like shock\u2014immediate like: \u201cIs this really happening?\u201d\u2014almost out-of-body-like experience.<\/p>\n<p>Within a few\u201430 minutes or so\u2014our pastor Craig, and another pastor, Jerry, came over; and they are sitting across from us. We\u2019re just kind of, all four, staring at each other. They are not really looking at Chris, because they are pretty mad at him at this point. I never went to that anger place at this time; I just thought, \u201cWhat do we do now? What\u2019s the next step?\u201d There is <em>nothing<\/em> that took me to this level of despair like that confession that day. I literally asked God to just take me home; I just wanted to die.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because of the betrayal?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely\u2014the betrayal; the baby\u2014no one is supposed to be the mother of his children, just me; I\u2019m the mother of his children.<\/p>\n<p>I remember saying, \u201cGod, You told me to trust You. How in the world is <em>this<\/em> going to show that I can trust You?\u201d That was really\/that was really the only time I questioned God, because I was very aware\u2014even in the midst of that devastation\u2014I was very aware that it wasn\u2019t God who let me down; it was my husband. A lot of people blame God. I don\u2019t blame God for those kinds of things. I <em>knew<\/em> it was my husband; but I kept saying, \u201cOkay, God, I don\u2019t understand how You\/why wasn\u2019t this revealed, somehow, sooner before there was a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did you ask him to leave the house?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I did not. We didn\u2019t know anybody; I didn\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m kind of one of those financial nerds; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWell, we can\u2019t afford for him to go stay in a hotel. I\u2019m surely not sending him to hotel; he\u2019s going to cheat again.\u201d There were all these things that\/so we just stayed there.<\/p>\n<p>I think what made it possible for me to stay in the same home with him was he was broken. He was <em>completely<\/em> <em>devastated<\/em> by what he had done to the name of Jesus and to our family. He was not like [condescendingly]: \u201cYou need to get over this. I\u2019m sorry it happened; but if you\u2019d been a better wife\u2026\u201d\u2014there was <em>nothing<\/em> like that. I mean, he just sat there and would just weep for <em>hours<\/em> over what he\u2019d done.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What saved your life, and your marriage, and your family?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Well, infidelity is grounds for divorce; but it is also\u2014with the right mindsets and the right willingness to surrender\u2014it is an opportunity for forgiveness and restoration. My encouragement to that woman, or to that man, who is about to hear that, or just heard it 20 minutes ago, or two days ago, is: \u201cYou do not have to decide the rest of your life in the next two days\/in the next two weeks. Do <em>not<\/em> make a rash decision. Your emotions are heightened, and you don\u2019t know which way is up and which way is down.\u201d That was some advice that was given to <em>me<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>It gave the Holy Spirit time\u2014because I didn\u2019t act on my flesh, which was: \u201cCut bait!\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cHit the road; get out of here.\u201d It gave the Holy Spirit time to massage my heart and say, \u201cI\u2019ve got a plan; will you let Me work on it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now, that\u2019s true repentance: when we realize our sin against God and against others, and we <em>grieve<\/em>. Chris and Cindy Beall\u2019s story of repentance, and forgiveness, and redemption can be heard on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. The story that you heard from Chris and Cindy was after about a decade of repentance and healing and, really, God restoring a marriage. Actually, together, they have a ministry to other couples, who are in hurting marriages. They are encouraging people to continue on in their walk with God.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe, you\u2019re dealing with a different sin\u2014one of those sins that only those closest to you can see\u2014like anger. Paul Tripp and his wife Luella know this sin well. Paul\u2019s been a frequent guest, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; he\u2019s also a good friend of ours. He\u2019s a pastor and conference speaker; also, an author. In spite of his expertise, and all his training in counseling, there was this sin that he let grow in his life.<\/p>\n<p>[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Broadcast]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I was a very, very angry man\u2014I was in the midst of destroying my marriage and my ministry\u2014I mean, I was <em>that<\/em> out of control. When God began to reveal that to me, the level of grief in me and embarrassment in me\u2014didn\u2019t happen all at once\u2014that came was life changing.<\/p>\n<p>Because, instead of anger\u2014the focus of anger is always outside of me: it\u2019s what <em>you<\/em> do;\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s how <em>you<\/em> do it\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> \u2014how about understanding: anger always tells me more about <em>me<\/em> than it does about other people?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did you give your wife permission to speak into your life because of this problem?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Absolutely. When I saw, I, right away knew: \u201cI am so incredibly blind; I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> going to be able to do this by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> When she first started speaking into it,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> \u2014it was hard.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014hard to hear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> She would say to me, \u201cWait a minute; you asked me to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I\u2019d say, \u201cOh, yes; you\u2019re right.\u201d [Laughter] Oh, it was <em>very<\/em>, very hard; but I <em>needed<\/em> it, because I was <em>so<\/em> comfortable with those emotions\/so used to indulging those emotions that the concept of critiquing them was just new for me; but it became life-altering for me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I really like your description: \u201cindulging anger\u201d; because first, you eat it, and you consume it; and then, it eats you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So what did you end up doing as your wife kept, repeatedly, going, \u201cPaul, what\u2019s making you angry?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> I ran to God for help. I became convinced that I was a deep danger to myself\u2014I\u2019m not being overly dramatic\u2014I was convinced of that; and that I\u2019d become such a sovereign in my own world, with my own set of unwritten rules for everybody in my life, that I was a danger to me and a danger to them. It <em>scared<\/em> me, and I cried out: \u201cGod, You\u2019ve got to help me,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to help me,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to help me.\u201d I cried out again, and again, and again.<\/p>\n<p>Second thing I did was: I realized, \u201cI can\u2019t indulge anger.\u201d Instead of moving into the scene, I would get out of the scene. I get to a room; and I\u2019d say, \u201cGod, I\u2019m feeling it again. I can feel my hand shaking. Help me.\u201d I reached out for help\u2014not just to my wife\u2014but the people in my life. I began to confess that this was my issue, so I had a lot of people speaking into me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paul:<\/strong> Over a period of time, here is what happened: I\u2019m not a man, now, who stands with his fists clinched and saying, \u201cBoy, you ought to be glad I\u2019m a Christian; because if I weren\u2019t a Christian, I\u2019d deck you.\u201d When I\u2019m in those situations, I don\u2019t experience the anger anymore; that\u2019s the transforming power of grace. Hear this: \u201cYour Savior is not satisfied with just <em>forgiving<\/em> you. He will <em>transform<\/em> you; run to Him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, I have <em>so<\/em> much to learn. The humility and the vulnerability from Paul Tripp is such an example of a life poured for Christ; and what a great reminder that Jesus isn\u2019t satisfied with just hearing our repentance or with forgiving us; but He wants to <em>transform<\/em> us. He wants the <em>entire<\/em> process to take place in our lives. So, as Paul Tripp said, \u201cRun to Him.\u201d If you don\u2019t know how to do that, go to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com, and look for the link to: \u201cHow to Know God.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Next week, we\u2019re going to talk a little bit more about the next step in repentance; and that is, forgiveness. We need to close the loop on this repentance thing. We are going to hear from Voddie Baucham. I always <em>love<\/em> hearing from Voddie. He\u2019s going to help us understand and help us <em>deal<\/em> with forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, thanks for listening. I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to the production team today: to Justin and Keith, Marques, Bruce, and also Megan.<\/p>\n<p>Our program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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