{"id":307520,"date":"2022-07-02T08:02:12","date_gmt":"2022-07-02T12:02:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2\/"},"modified":"2022-07-02T08:02:12","modified_gmt":"2022-07-02T12:02:12","slug":"tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Tech-wise Parents: Setting Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As parents do you have clear direction how to help your kids manage their technology usage? David Eaton and Melanie Mudge, Brian Goins, and Jonathan &amp; Wynter Pitts talk about the landscape of teens and technology.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-07-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.63M","filesize_raw":"26874697","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10350,2852],"tags":[4798,2209,4838,4237],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3274,3539,9536,8815],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-307520","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-digital-and-media-choices","category-discipline","tag-kids","tag-parenting","tag-screentime","tag-technology","cwp_profile-brian-goins","cwp_profile-david-eaton","cwp_profile-jonathan-pitts","cwp_profile-melanie-mudge","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307520\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307520\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"sEgpdS7iuC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2\/\">Tech-wise Parents: Setting Boundaries<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2\/embed\/#?secret=sEgpdS7iuC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Tech-wise Parents: Setting Boundaries&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"sEgpdS7iuC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-07-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2022-07-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> If you're a parent, and your child is over two, they either want to play with your phone or they want their own phone. But let's talk about boundaries: \u201cHow do you come up with those boundaries?\u201d Here's Melanie Mudge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Scripture doesn't talk about smartphones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> But are there things about smartphones that Scripture does speak to?\u2014and how can we point our kids back to that?\u2014because we want to raise them to follow Christ. If they don't know what Scripture says or how to apply it, then they're going to think Christianity is something they do on Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We're going to talk about boundaries, phones, kids, and you! We\u2019re going to help you become a tech-wise parent on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. A couple of weeks ago, I chatted with Arlene Pellicane about balancing life with our connectedness online, particularly with our cellphones. If you heard the program, did you happen to take the quiz that she offered? Well, I did; and I got some results that I kind of cringe at sharing. I <em>knew<\/em> I was this way, but my results tell me that I'm nowhere near \u201ccalm, cool, and connected.\u201d My phone is either in my pocket, in my purse, or within three feet of me <em>at all times<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYesterday, I met a lady, who actually locks her phone <em>in<\/em> her purse <em>in<\/em> her trunk while she's driving\u2014what?! I mean, seriously, you can't do that! I mean, what if you need the maps feature?\u2014or what if someone needs <em>you<\/em>? Maybe, I have a long way to go in restoring that \u201ccalm, cool, and connectedness,\u201d as Arlene Pellicane would say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, we still have the quiz online. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com, and take that quiz. It will help you understand better where you are with this technology thing; because we <em>know<\/em>, and we can all agree, that technology needs a proper place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's hard enough for us, adults, to wrestle with it; but think about our children and our teenagers. Today, we're going to spend some time helping you parents struggle through <em>when<\/em> to give your child a phone and <em>how<\/em> to put the right boundaries in place, boundaries that don't come back to bite you, that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want us to sit in on a conversation that Brian Goins had. Brian is the Vice President of Content, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He recently talked with Melanie Mudge and David Eaton; and they are leaders at Axis, which is a ministry that empowers the next generation\u2014so your children\u2014to think clearly and critically. We all know that many of the next generation are spending as much time, if not more, on their phones. Coming up with boundaries for that can be difficult. Here's Brian Goins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> So let's talk about boundaries. Give us some practical things that would be great, as a whole family, to go, \u201cThis would be a good place to <em>start<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; a good place to start is the question: \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d So every new widget that you buy\u2014every new talking speaker, every new phone rectangle that you hang on the wall\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie: <\/strong>\u2014watch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>\u2014anything\u2014just say, \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you're an awesome family that can have awesome conversations and go there, figure out how to talk about that. Again, as you're working on listening to them fully\u2014being present fully\/guiding the conversation, sometimes\u2014having them reveal insight. I mean, if your kids are following the Lord\/if they're a Christian, they don't have a junior Holy Spirit; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> God can use <em>them<\/em> to be the prophet in your family, and that's a beautiful thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I'm looking forward to that day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right; my nine-year-old was a prophet to my family. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> So I think answering the question: \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then saying, \u201cOkay; if that's what it's for,\u201d\u2014and maybe you guys all agree on it, then\u2014\u201cwhat can we <em>lose<\/em>?\u2014what's to be <em>lost<\/em> from this? What <em>good<\/em> thing are we missing out on?\u201d If we're all sitting on the couch\u2014we\u2019re all sitting around and we have a rectangle in front of us; and we're all getting that dopamine hit from: \u201cOh, that\u2019s a cool article,\u201d or \u201cOh, this thing\u2026\u201d it's like\u2014maybe, we need to say, \u201cAlright; where are we going to be technology-free?\u201d So: \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d\/ \u201ctechnology-free.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing\u2014I know this is kind of high level\u2014we\u2019ll get down a little bit deeper here; and I really want to hear how you guys are figuring it out, Brian, in your home\u2014is you have to just realize that, whenever a new piece of technology comes out, there are some <em>terrible<\/em> things that people do with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cOh, we have these smartphones!\u201d If you just go and give your kid a smartphone\u2014oh, you know, I understand if it's already happened\u2014but <em>know<\/em>, like it is an <em>incredible<\/em> tool\u2014so acknowledge: \u201cIt's very good! It's cursed; let's redeem it. I can't let you have that in your bedroom by yourself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Okay; so I think: \u201cLet's talk about the idea of privacy.\u201d I don't fully know where I want to go with this, but I do know that we're better in community than we are in isolation. I do know that we\u2019re <em>made<\/em> for community, and we\u2019re not made for isolation\u2014maybe, some solitude every now and then. You have to say, \u201cIn our family, how is this working for community or for isolation?\u201d\u2014because we do bad stuff when we're alone!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh, yes; yes. Isolated people create chaos. I know I do. I mean, when everything goes south in my life, it's usually because I've made a decision by myself. I've justified something\u2014so whether it was looking at porn\/whether it was, you know, deciding to watch a show I know I shouldn't have watched\u2014I'm always creating chaos in isolation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo think that our kids\u2014I mean, I remember what I was like when I was 14, 15, 16\u2014I was not in the right frame of mind. And so, we give this tool\u2014that has access to a whole\u2014I hate to quote <em>Aladdin<\/em>\u2014\u201ca whole new world.\u201d I can't imagine the places they'll go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, right; and the <em>targeting<\/em> that can happen\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014in that whole new world where, all of a sudden\u2014where you can frame up the gift of sex, and relationship, and marriage, and babies, and intimacy, and everything that goes along with that\u2014it's out the window; because somebody else in California, or wherever, in some pornography studio, is targeting <em>your<\/em> child and teaching them what sex is for. And then, all of a sudden, that has changed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere's a quote\u2014I <em>hate<\/em> this quote, or I hate the way it sounds\u2014but it's called \u201cSee being seen.\u201d \u201cSee\u201d\u2014like you're looking at something\u2014\u201cbeing seen.\u201d It's good for them to know\u2014and it's good for <em>all<\/em> of us to know\u2014that we're not alone. It's good for us to know that someone\/one loves us, but they <em>know<\/em> what we're doing. And so: \u201cThey love us, but they know what we're doing online.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some resources that allow\u2014and it sounds like spying\u2014but again, if you don't have anything to hide, why do you care?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> The \u201cSee being seen\u201d\u2014there <em>are<\/em> great applications that are out there. I know\u2014again, depending on when you listen to this, they may change\u2014but I know\u2014like you know, I can't do product plugs\u2014but Circle by Disney is out there. You might know of others, where it allows you to regulate time, and the app usage, and to see those things. There's some that even mirror the kid's phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to be wise about: \u201cWhen does that change?\u201d\u2014like it wouldn't be the same for a seventh grader as you would, maybe, for a seventeen-year-old. Hopefully, you have that relationship to know that \u201cOkay; I can <em>grow<\/em> into trust over time.\u201d But too often, we just kind of hand the phone over and say, \u201cHey, start driving!\u201d and let them go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I think, for me, the biggest thing with boundaries is vision casting. If you think about it: \u201cWhy do any of us follow rules at all?\u201d We follow them because we see, \u201cOh, not crossing the double yellow line in the middle of the highway keeps me from dying,\u201d\u2014so we see the <em>benefit<\/em> of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat often happens with boundaries\u2014we\u2019ll put something in place like: \u201cNo phones in the bedroom,\u201d but we won't explain <em>why<\/em> that's a <em>good<\/em> thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> They see it as: \u201cYou're cutting me off. You're keeping me from my friends.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> But <em>you<\/em> need to show, as a parent, that this actually, in the long run, brings more life, and more flourishing, and a <em>better<\/em> way to relate to people. What's hard with technology\u2014or any of the media that teens are into\u2014is it promises something <em>good<\/em>. Social media promises a good thing; which is, relationships. It's actually a lesser version of relationships than the kind God has designed for us, but we feel like it fulfills that need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> We're like, \u201cOkay; yes, I like social media\u201d; but the more we're on it, the more unhappy we become and the more depressed we become. \u201cWhy is it not working?\u201d It's because we've settled for <em>less<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we set boundaries, often, we forget to show: \u201cThis is a good thing, because it <em>draws<\/em> us to a better thing. It keeps the bad things <em>out<\/em>; and it keeps us from settling for less than the ultimate, beautiful, abundant life that God created us for.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you could\u2014you could come up with 1,000 different boundaries; but if you don't cast that vision and show your teens that life\u2014that you're calling them toward, and drawing them toward, and helping them get to\u2014then they're going to think that you're just an evil, terrible person, who just wants to keep them from all the good things in life. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right; exactly. You're the one limiting them from their <em>life<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> But unless you show them a better life\u2014you know, \u201cI'm going to always choose a counterfeit life over\u201d\u2014if I don't know what the better life is\u2014\u201cbecause it <em>feels<\/em>\u201d\u2014it's a false feeling\u2014\u201cbut it feels\u2026\u201d; and \u201cI feel, something!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I know, for us, as a family, we try to: \u201cHow do we institute screen Sabbaths?\u201d You know, God's people\u2014God has always said\u2014\u201cHey, I want you to be aliens in this world that you're in. I want you to be aliens and strangers in this world.\u201d I have parents that will go, \u201cIf I give my kids rules and boundaries, they feel like they're alienated from their friends; because their friends don't have the same boundaries.\u201d It's like: \u201cWell, welcome to a Christian life; because we're going to be strangers. [Laughter] We're going to be aliens\u201d; and that's a <em>good<\/em> thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it's good to have kind of a model of screen Sabbaths\u2014where, daily, around the dinner table, at night, noon, or in the room\u2014my brain can disconnect from all of those hyper-connectivites\u2014that aren\u2019t necessarily real life\u2014and get to that place of imagination; get to that place of hope; get to that place of conversation in life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, it's a weekly day, where you pick\u2014you know, you're going to have \u201cNo-screen Sundays,\u201d or \u201cNo-screen Sunday nights,\u201d or you have an extended amount of time\u2014that it's not just a daily moment\u2014but maybe an extended amount of time once a week. I think, even once a year\u2014I know our kids go to camp, and there's no screen at camp. It's amazing, when I pick them up, what they say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wait, wait, wait\u2014<em>days<\/em> without a phone? Can you imagine that? What would <em>you<\/em> say when you finally got your phone back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a break; but when we come back, Brian is going to share what his kids <em>did <\/em>say about that time without them [phones]. We need to take a break, but I'll be back soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. We're in the middle of a conversation with Brian Goins, David Eaton, and Melanie Mudge, talking about boundaries, and talking about, maybe, a fast from phones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know any kids who could actually make it a few days without their phones? Well, Brian's kids had to make it through camp without their phones. When they got back, what do you think they said? Here's Brian.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> There\u2019s no screen at camp; but it's amazing, when I pick them up, what they say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cWhere\u2019s my phone?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> No; they don't. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Do they say, \u201cMy relationships were richer\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; they're like, \u201cIt was <em>great<\/em> to not have to worry about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201c\u2026worry about it\u201d\u2014why do you say, \u201c\u2026worry about it\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> There's something there!\u2014\u201cIt was great.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> What are they worrying about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; they worry about keeping up. They\u2019re worrying about: \u201cWho's liking this post?\u201d or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014or not seeing a post, so they don't know what's going on out there; and so then, their friends are going to have an inside joke; but they're not going to be in on it, because they weren't online, and they weren't there to like that photo or comment on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> It's that hyper-connectivity that creates more anxiety that: \u201cOh, man, for a week, it was nice just to have a break.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Did they <em>actually<\/em> say \u201cworry\u201d and \u201chave a break\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It's because it's become its own cycle\/its own\u2014just this thing that keeps churning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Speaking of boundaries, and like sabbaths, there was a really great family we ran into. They just had a curfew for their phones, so it was like an every-night thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It wasn't right when you went to bed\u2014maybe, it was eight o'clock; or maybe, seven o'clock; or maybe, it\u2019s nine o'clock\u2014all a sudden, it was like: \u2018Uh-oh! We\u2019ve got to relate now. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re present now!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cLet\u2019s go watch TV.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> And you know, I think that's beautiful, too; because for your kids and for this other family\u2014sometimes, it was <em>forced<\/em> on them;\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014but then, they felt better because of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Then they liked it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, because I think\u2014because of that FOMO\u2014that fear of missing out\u2014they're <em>never<\/em> going to choose it for themselves; but if someone just is like, \u201cJust chill!\u201d It like forces them to not think about it; then, they can just: \u201cOkay; it\u2019s not my choice. I can't do anything about it. Okay; I can actually relax now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> You know, that idea of: \u201cIf you lack wisdom, get it\u201d? There's a <em>great<\/em> family that I was talking to\u2014what they do\u2014is they have this phone caddy. Anytime there's more than one\/like if there are multiple people coming over to play with their kids, <em>all<\/em> the kids know they\u2019ve got to put the phones in the caddy. Playtime is not\/they don't have phones. You know, there's probably a certain age where you age-out of that; again, I think you\u2019ve got to know your kids and all that kind of stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, for <em>them<\/em>, the kids actually look forward to it; it doesn't limit them. You would think that all the kids wouldn\u2019t come over to the house, but they all come over. Why?\u2014because: \u201cNow, we're just jumping on the trampoline, and we're not worrying about our phone getting cracked,\u201d or \u201cWe're swimming in the pool,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019re playing basketball,\u201d or \u201cWe're doing whatever; but we're <em>not<\/em> going to be disconnected with the people that [we\u2019re] around, so [we] can be connected to the virtual world.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> One of the most haunting things someone has ever told me is that: \u201cLife goes on without you,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cLife goes on without you!\u201d \u201cAhh! Don't say that!\u2014\u2018Life goes on\u2026\u2019\u2014No; Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u201cNo; it revolves around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And then it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, wait; but life's going to go on without me, so I can just be here;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand so I'm going to be here <em>now<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> You know, I want to wrap up here. I don't know if there are any other tips, or ideas, or thoughts that you would say to some of those principles, just kind of timeless principles in a technological-driven world?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Well, I remembered the four questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh, great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Finally!\u2014yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cSo what's good?\u201d\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat's wrong?\u201d \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat could be changed?\u201d or \u201cWhat\u2019s confused?\u201d\u2014so like, \u201cHow could I change\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tthat?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhat\u2019s that one little piece that, if it were just a little bit different, then it would be right?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAnd then, \u201cWhat's missing?\u201d\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tA fifth one\u2014that we've kind of said we would add to that is\u2014\u201cWhat does Scripture say?\u201d because Scripture doesn't talk about smartphones;\u2014\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cBut are there things about smartphones that Scripture does speak to?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u201cAnd how can we point our kids back to that?\u201d\u2014because they claim to be Christians, and we want to raise them to follow Christ\u2014but if they don't know what Scripture says or how to apply it to the situations that they're in, then they're going to think Christianity is something they do on Sunday, and not with everything that they do, including their phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right; yes: \u201cThis isn't a <em>part <\/em>of my life,\u201d\u2014especially, if it is<em> their<\/em> life\u2014it's like, \u201cHow do I bring the\u201d\u2014here we go\u2014\u201cHow do I bring the axis back to: \u2018My life is centered around God, and not centered around the phone; that's just a part of it.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> A <em>great<\/em> reminder about boundaries, and phones, and kids from Brian Goins, David Eaton, and Melanie Mudge. David and Melanie are part of a ministry called Axis. We have a link to that ministry on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that's FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. It is a <em>wonderful<\/em> ministry that has plenty of resources for parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you are still wrestling with <em>when<\/em> to give your child a phone, which I know some of you are holding out, but your kids\u2019 friends have one. That's the argument you hear all the time: \u201cThey have one!\u201d Or your kids are saying that they need to call you when they're done with soccer practice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question is: \u201cJust when is your kid <em>ready<\/em> for a phone?\u201d This was the topic of my conversation with Jonathan and Wynter Pitts. They have four girls. At the time of our conversation, they were right in the middle of handing out cell phones, or questioning whether they're girls could handle cell phones. Wynter founded For Girls Like You\u2014it's a ministry to girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want you to hear Jonathan and Wynter's conversation with me about maturity and cell phones, and how they view giving cell phones to their daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Now, you have twin eight-year-old girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You have an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old. So the cell phone\/social media argument is probably on the table. How have you guys handled that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I\u2019ll let Wynter go. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> So our 14-year-old <em>does<\/em> have a cell phone; but we also have a little agreement that we did\u2014that we made her kind of read over\u2014and we just agreed. Actually, the bigger question is <em>not<\/em>: \u201cWhen do they get the phone?\u201d or \u201cCan they have the phone?\u201d\u2014but: \u201cHave we <em>prepared<\/em> them for the phone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And for her, I feel like we prepared her, like we totally trust. We still stay on top of what websites she's on and what things are allowed on her phone; but really, we've done the work before we handed her the phone. Now, it's just a matter of, \u201cOkay; you <em>know<\/em> what you're supposed to do with this; and if you don't, then we get it back.\u201d So far, she's been pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think it will be a case-by-case situation with each of the girls. The 11-year-old is begging and crying for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I bet she is!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And we just don't see that happening any time soon!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; so I mean, I think it's very custom\u2014and it's going to be for us\u2014our four girls are very different, so different personalities. Or oldest is very responsible and prides herself in her responsibility. Our second girl\u2014I don't know that she's responsible\u2014I don\u2019t know that she prides herself on responsibility. We have to just treat it differently with each child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it is a privilege, just like anything else that you can have or not have. She's [14-year-old] lost her cell phone a few times; but thankfully, not the crazy stories that people think about when they think about those things. But there are great technologies out now that you can have that can help you with some of the things that you worry about, specifically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Are there parenting controls that you can put on <em>your<\/em> phone or on <em>her<\/em> phone? How does that work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> There are; there are parenting controls <em>built into<\/em> the phone. There are also things that you can <em>add<\/em> to the phone. I'm not the biggest researching\u2014but it's out there, and you can find it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And there are ways that, you know, I can see her text messages come to my phone, which I've done\/which I did when she first got the phone. Every message she got, I was getting; and could see her reply; and see the conversations that were happening, which just opened up the door for us to have those conversations, like, \u201cHow do you treat your friends in person <em>and<\/em> online?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, so it's not\u2014you know, this technology thing\u2014we can't avoid it, but just really being open to be able to see and being a part of it\u2014involved in her usage\u2014and like: \u201cOkay; so this is where we need to <em>guide<\/em> this conversation. This is what she needs to know now about how to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> For <em>me<\/em>, growing up, it was, you know, pagers and just our regular house phone\u2014like: \u201cHow do you..\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cNo prank calls!\u201d and \u201cYou can't do this\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, it's cell phones, and Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and social media; and so \u201cJust how do you parent through those things?\u201d and \u201c\u2026the conversations that we need to have with our kids as they're learning to be responsible online?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> I feel like the parents\u2014the parental controls are great\u2014but the heart issue and the bigger conversations need to be happening at the same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So what are you doing with your 11-year-old? Even though she's probably not ready for her <em>own<\/em> phone yet, how are you <em>preparing<\/em> her for the day that she <em>is<\/em> receiving her own phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> We have conversations about how to treat people. We, you know, let her\u2014even now, if I post pictures and she's kind of like, \u201cHow many people liked it?\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cThat's not\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cthat\u2019s not the focus. It\u2019s not what we're talking about.\u201d [Laughter] But then also, you know, she has a little iPod<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014iPod Touch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And some of her cousins have one, as well. They can text each other and have those. And so, even with our closest friends, we\u2019re doing it together\u2014like you know, sometimes, I'll call my cousin, like, \u201cHey, did you see the kids were, you know, texting about whatever?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And we can\/it kind of opens up and prepares us to be able to say: \u201cOkay; you don't do that on there. You can't text people 25 times,\u201d or \u201c\u2026FaceTime them, you know, 50 times and wait for them to reply.\u201d So just stepping in; but then, ultimately, just, you know, raising our kids in Christ. I think teaching them the foundational parts of what it looks like to walk with Christ and live in Him filters into those areas, once they're old enough to have relationships with people outside of our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> And that's where I think the focus has to be; because on one side, you have just complete and utter freedom, where parents just allow their kids just to do whatever they want and just trust, you know, just trust it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> On the other side you have, \u201cI'm going to protect them from <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d I think the middle, and where we need to be, is just teaching our kids responsibility. You can't teach responsibility without\u2014I mean, it's a tug\/it's a tug of war\u2014it's like back and forth, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I think you have to be open to investing in that; because I think you could be lazy and give freedom, and you can be lazy and just lock everything down. It's hard work to actually be in relationship and really just spending a lot of time helping them mature\/helping them grow, as individuals. So when they're adults\u2014because I mean, we know adults\u2014we've all seen adults, whether it be on TV, or family, and friends\u2014that they\u2019re not responsible with their cell phones, with any technology, or anything else for that matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> So you know, responsibility is key; but it's a lot of hard work! We've learned that, as parents of four girls, that's the hardest work we do, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, and what I'm hearing from you guys is: \u201cYou have to be intentional.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014intentional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It's <em>not<\/em> just being, you know: \u201cHere's your phone. Okay; go out there and do whatever you want to do.\u201d You have to be intentional: you have to teach your daughters before\/teach your kids <em>before<\/em> they receive that phone; and then, continue to guide them, as they're still in your home, as they're still on that phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And it's just that, as we're talking about this with the phone, it's just with <em>everything<\/em> that we're doing when we\u2019re raising our kids\u2014like this is the training ground\u2014like we're in the training. That means that we have to be prepared to do the work of training them in whatever area it is that we're doing at the time; but then, we also have to be prepared that, when they fail, that training means that they don't know yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> They're going to mess up, and we have to step in and be able to guide them through that\u2014so even that\u2014just being open to the fact that they're not going to just get this right the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some <em>great<\/em> thoughts and some practical guidelines from intentional parents, Wynter and Jonathan Pitts. Now, not long after my conversation with Jonathan and Wynter, Wynter tragically and unexpectedly passed away. We have a link to Jonathan's <em>Family Life Today <\/em>interview about that story on our website, FamilyLife This Week.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so conflict is a part of <em>daily<\/em> life. Sometimes, we just might call it \u201cdisagreements\u201d; but it's <em>how<\/em> you <em>handle<\/em> that conflict and those disagreements that can turn into, well, the conflict. Matt Chandler, and the artist Plumb, and a few others, are going to share how we can <em>best<\/em> handle conflict in our marriages. I hope you can join us for that; that's <em>next<\/em> week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening. I want to thank the president of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Bruce Goff. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt <em>and<\/em> Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.63M"],"filesize_raw":["26874697"],"ssp_guid":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/tech-wise-parents-setting-boundaries-2\/"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307520.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307520.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px 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parents do you have clear direction how to help your kids manage their technology usage? David Eaton and Melanie Mudge, Brian Goins, and Jonathan &amp; Wynter Pitts talk about the landscape of teens and technology.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2022-07-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> If you're a parent, and your child is over two, they either want to play with your phone or they want their own phone. But let's talk about boundaries: \u201cHow do you come up with those boundaries?\u201d Here's Melanie Mudge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Scripture doesn't talk about smartphones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> But are there things about smartphones that Scripture does speak to?\u2014and how can we point our kids back to that?\u2014because we want to raise them to follow Christ. If they don't know what Scripture says or how to apply it, then they're going to think Christianity is something they do on Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We're going to talk about boundaries, phones, kids, and you! We\u2019re going to help you become a tech-wise parent on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. A couple of weeks ago, I chatted with Arlene Pellicane about balancing life with our connectedness online, particularly with our cellphones. If you heard the program, did you happen to take the quiz that she offered? Well, I did; and I got some results that I kind of cringe at sharing. I <em>knew<\/em> I was this way, but my results tell me that I'm nowhere near \u201ccalm, cool, and connected.\u201d My phone is either in my pocket, in my purse, or within three feet of me <em>at all times<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYesterday, I met a lady, who actually locks her phone <em>in<\/em> her purse <em>in<\/em> her trunk while she's driving\u2014what?! I mean, seriously, you can't do that! I mean, what if you need the maps feature?\u2014or what if someone needs <em>you<\/em>? Maybe, I have a long way to go in restoring that \u201ccalm, cool, and connectedness,\u201d as Arlene Pellicane would say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, we still have the quiz online. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com, and take that quiz. It will help you understand better where you are with this technology thing; because we <em>know<\/em>, and we can all agree, that technology needs a proper place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's hard enough for us, adults, to wrestle with it; but think about our children and our teenagers. Today, we're going to spend some time helping you parents struggle through <em>when<\/em> to give your child a phone and <em>how<\/em> to put the right boundaries in place, boundaries that don't come back to bite you, that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want us to sit in on a conversation that Brian Goins had. Brian is the Vice President of Content, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He recently talked with Melanie Mudge and David Eaton; and they are leaders at Axis, which is a ministry that empowers the next generation\u2014so your children\u2014to think clearly and critically. We all know that many of the next generation are spending as much time, if not more, on their phones. Coming up with boundaries for that can be difficult. Here's Brian Goins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> So let's talk about boundaries. Give us some practical things that would be great, as a whole family, to go, \u201cThis would be a good place to <em>start<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; a good place to start is the question: \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d So every new widget that you buy\u2014every new talking speaker, every new phone rectangle that you hang on the wall\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie: <\/strong>\u2014watch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>\u2014anything\u2014just say, \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you're an awesome family that can have awesome conversations and go there, figure out how to talk about that. Again, as you're working on listening to them fully\u2014being present fully\/guiding the conversation, sometimes\u2014having them reveal insight. I mean, if your kids are following the Lord\/if they're a Christian, they don't have a junior Holy Spirit; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> God can use <em>them<\/em> to be the prophet in your family, and that's a beautiful thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I'm looking forward to that day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right; my nine-year-old was a prophet to my family. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> So I think answering the question: \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then saying, \u201cOkay; if that's what it's for,\u201d\u2014and maybe you guys all agree on it, then\u2014\u201cwhat can we <em>lose<\/em>?\u2014what's to be <em>lost<\/em> from this? What <em>good<\/em> thing are we missing out on?\u201d If we're all sitting on the couch\u2014we\u2019re all sitting around and we have a rectangle in front of us; and we're all getting that dopamine hit from: \u201cOh, that\u2019s a cool article,\u201d or \u201cOh, this thing\u2026\u201d it's like\u2014maybe, we need to say, \u201cAlright; where are we going to be technology-free?\u201d So: \u201cWhat is it for?\u201d\/ \u201ctechnology-free.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing\u2014I know this is kind of high level\u2014we\u2019ll get down a little bit deeper here; and I really want to hear how you guys are figuring it out, Brian, in your home\u2014is you have to just realize that, whenever a new piece of technology comes out, there are some <em>terrible<\/em> things that people do with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cOh, we have these smartphones!\u201d If you just go and give your kid a smartphone\u2014oh, you know, I understand if it's already happened\u2014but <em>know<\/em>, like it is an <em>incredible<\/em> tool\u2014so acknowledge: \u201cIt's very good! It's cursed; let's redeem it. I can't let you have that in your bedroom by yourself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Okay; so I think: \u201cLet's talk about the idea of privacy.\u201d I don't fully know where I want to go with this, but I do know that we're better in community than we are in isolation. I do know that we\u2019re <em>made<\/em> for community, and we\u2019re not made for isolation\u2014maybe, some solitude every now and then. You have to say, \u201cIn our family, how is this working for community or for isolation?\u201d\u2014because we do bad stuff when we're alone!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh, yes; yes. Isolated people create chaos. I know I do. I mean, when everything goes south in my life, it's usually because I've made a decision by myself. I've justified something\u2014so whether it was looking at porn\/whether it was, you know, deciding to watch a show I know I shouldn't have watched\u2014I'm always creating chaos in isolation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo think that our kids\u2014I mean, I remember what I was like when I was 14, 15, 16\u2014I was not in the right frame of mind. And so, we give this tool\u2014that has access to a whole\u2014I hate to quote <em>Aladdin<\/em>\u2014\u201ca whole new world.\u201d I can't imagine the places they'll go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, right; and the <em>targeting<\/em> that can happen\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014in that whole new world where, all of a sudden\u2014where you can frame up the gift of sex, and relationship, and marriage, and babies, and intimacy, and everything that goes along with that\u2014it's out the window; because somebody else in California, or wherever, in some pornography studio, is targeting <em>your<\/em> child and teaching them what sex is for. And then, all of a sudden, that has changed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere's a quote\u2014I <em>hate<\/em> this quote, or I hate the way it sounds\u2014but it's called \u201cSee being seen.\u201d \u201cSee\u201d\u2014like you're looking at something\u2014\u201cbeing seen.\u201d It's good for them to know\u2014and it's good for <em>all<\/em> of us to know\u2014that we're not alone. It's good for us to know that someone\/one loves us, but they <em>know<\/em> what we're doing. And so: \u201cThey love us, but they know what we're doing online.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some resources that allow\u2014and it sounds like spying\u2014but again, if you don't have anything to hide, why do you care?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> The \u201cSee being seen\u201d\u2014there <em>are<\/em> great applications that are out there. I know\u2014again, depending on when you listen to this, they may change\u2014but I know\u2014like you know, I can't do product plugs\u2014but Circle by Disney is out there. You might know of others, where it allows you to regulate time, and the app usage, and to see those things. There's some that even mirror the kid's phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to be wise about: \u201cWhen does that change?\u201d\u2014like it wouldn't be the same for a seventh grader as you would, maybe, for a seventeen-year-old. Hopefully, you have that relationship to know that \u201cOkay; I can <em>grow<\/em> into trust over time.\u201d But too often, we just kind of hand the phone over and say, \u201cHey, start driving!\u201d and let them go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I think, for me, the biggest thing with boundaries is vision casting. If you think about it: \u201cWhy do any of us follow rules at all?\u201d We follow them because we see, \u201cOh, not crossing the double yellow line in the middle of the highway keeps me from dying,\u201d\u2014so we see the <em>benefit<\/em> of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat often happens with boundaries\u2014we\u2019ll put something in place like: \u201cNo phones in the bedroom,\u201d but we won't explain <em>why<\/em> that's a <em>good<\/em> thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> They see it as: \u201cYou're cutting me off. You're keeping me from my friends.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> But <em>you<\/em> need to show, as a parent, that this actually, in the long run, brings more life, and more flourishing, and a <em>better<\/em> way to relate to people. What's hard with technology\u2014or any of the media that teens are into\u2014is it promises something <em>good<\/em>. Social media promises a good thing; which is, relationships. It's actually a lesser version of relationships than the kind God has designed for us, but we feel like it fulfills that need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> We're like, \u201cOkay; yes, I like social media\u201d; but the more we're on it, the more unhappy we become and the more depressed we become. \u201cWhy is it not working?\u201d It's because we've settled for <em>less<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we set boundaries, often, we forget to show: \u201cThis is a good thing, because it <em>draws<\/em> us to a better thing. It keeps the bad things <em>out<\/em>; and it keeps us from settling for less than the ultimate, beautiful, abundant life that God created us for.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you could\u2014you could come up with 1,000 different boundaries; but if you don't cast that vision and show your teens that life\u2014that you're calling them toward, and drawing them toward, and helping them get to\u2014then they're going to think that you're just an evil, terrible person, who just wants to keep them from all the good things in life. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right; exactly. You're the one limiting them from their <em>life<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> But unless you show them a better life\u2014you know, \u201cI'm going to always choose a counterfeit life over\u201d\u2014if I don't know what the better life is\u2014\u201cbecause it <em>feels<\/em>\u201d\u2014it's a false feeling\u2014\u201cbut it feels\u2026\u201d; and \u201cI feel, something!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I know, for us, as a family, we try to: \u201cHow do we institute screen Sabbaths?\u201d You know, God's people\u2014God has always said\u2014\u201cHey, I want you to be aliens in this world that you're in. I want you to be aliens and strangers in this world.\u201d I have parents that will go, \u201cIf I give my kids rules and boundaries, they feel like they're alienated from their friends; because their friends don't have the same boundaries.\u201d It's like: \u201cWell, welcome to a Christian life; because we're going to be strangers. [Laughter] We're going to be aliens\u201d; and that's a <em>good<\/em> thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it's good to have kind of a model of screen Sabbaths\u2014where, daily, around the dinner table, at night, noon, or in the room\u2014my brain can disconnect from all of those hyper-connectivites\u2014that aren\u2019t necessarily real life\u2014and get to that place of imagination; get to that place of hope; get to that place of conversation in life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, it's a weekly day, where you pick\u2014you know, you're going to have \u201cNo-screen Sundays,\u201d or \u201cNo-screen Sunday nights,\u201d or you have an extended amount of time\u2014that it's not just a daily moment\u2014but maybe an extended amount of time once a week. I think, even once a year\u2014I know our kids go to camp, and there's no screen at camp. It's amazing, when I pick them up, what they say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wait, wait, wait\u2014<em>days<\/em> without a phone? Can you imagine that? What would <em>you<\/em> say when you finally got your phone back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a break; but when we come back, Brian is going to share what his kids <em>did <\/em>say about that time without them [phones]. We need to take a break, but I'll be back soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. We're in the middle of a conversation with Brian Goins, David Eaton, and Melanie Mudge, talking about boundaries, and talking about, maybe, a fast from phones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know any kids who could actually make it a few days without their phones? Well, Brian's kids had to make it through camp without their phones. When they got back, what do you think they said? Here's Brian.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> There\u2019s no screen at camp; but it's amazing, when I pick them up, what they say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cWhere\u2019s my phone?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> No; they don't. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Do they say, \u201cMy relationships were richer\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; they're like, \u201cIt was <em>great<\/em> to not have to worry about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201c\u2026worry about it\u201d\u2014why do you say, \u201c\u2026worry about it\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> There's something there!\u2014\u201cIt was great.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> What are they worrying about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; they worry about keeping up. They\u2019re worrying about: \u201cWho's liking this post?\u201d or\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014or not seeing a post, so they don't know what's going on out there; and so then, their friends are going to have an inside joke; but they're not going to be in on it, because they weren't online, and they weren't there to like that photo or comment on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> It's that hyper-connectivity that creates more anxiety that: \u201cOh, man, for a week, it was nice just to have a break.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Did they <em>actually<\/em> say \u201cworry\u201d and \u201chave a break\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It's because it's become its own cycle\/its own\u2014just this thing that keeps churning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Speaking of boundaries, and like sabbaths, there was a really great family we ran into. They just had a curfew for their phones, so it was like an every-night thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It wasn't right when you went to bed\u2014maybe, it was eight o'clock; or maybe, seven o'clock; or maybe, it\u2019s nine o'clock\u2014all a sudden, it was like: \u2018Uh-oh! We\u2019ve got to relate now. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019re present now!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cLet\u2019s go watch TV.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> And you know, I think that's beautiful, too; because for your kids and for this other family\u2014sometimes, it was <em>forced<\/em> on them;\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014but then, they felt better because of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Then they liked it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, because I think\u2014because of that FOMO\u2014that fear of missing out\u2014they're <em>never<\/em> going to choose it for themselves; but if someone just is like, \u201cJust chill!\u201d It like forces them to not think about it; then, they can just: \u201cOkay; it\u2019s not my choice. I can't do anything about it. Okay; I can actually relax now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> You know, that idea of: \u201cIf you lack wisdom, get it\u201d? There's a <em>great<\/em> family that I was talking to\u2014what they do\u2014is they have this phone caddy. Anytime there's more than one\/like if there are multiple people coming over to play with their kids, <em>all<\/em> the kids know they\u2019ve got to put the phones in the caddy. Playtime is not\/they don't have phones. You know, there's probably a certain age where you age-out of that; again, I think you\u2019ve got to know your kids and all that kind of stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, for <em>them<\/em>, the kids actually look forward to it; it doesn't limit them. You would think that all the kids wouldn\u2019t come over to the house, but they all come over. Why?\u2014because: \u201cNow, we're just jumping on the trampoline, and we're not worrying about our phone getting cracked,\u201d or \u201cWe're swimming in the pool,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019re playing basketball,\u201d or \u201cWe're doing whatever; but we're <em>not<\/em> going to be disconnected with the people that [we\u2019re] around, so [we] can be connected to the virtual world.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> One of the most haunting things someone has ever told me is that: \u201cLife goes on without you,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cLife goes on without you!\u201d \u201cAhh! Don't say that!\u2014\u2018Life goes on\u2026\u2019\u2014No; Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u201cNo; it revolves around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And then it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, wait; but life's going to go on without me, so I can just be here;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand so I'm going to be here <em>now<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> You know, I want to wrap up here. I don't know if there are any other tips, or ideas, or thoughts that you would say to some of those principles, just kind of timeless principles in a technological-driven world?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Well, I remembered the four questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Oh, great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Finally!\u2014yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cSo what's good?\u201d\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat's wrong?\u201d \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat could be changed?\u201d or \u201cWhat\u2019s confused?\u201d\u2014so like, \u201cHow could I change\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tthat?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhat\u2019s that one little piece that, if it were just a little bit different, then it would be right?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tAnd then, \u201cWhat's missing?\u201d\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\tA fifth one\u2014that we've kind of said we would add to that is\u2014\u201cWhat does Scripture say?\u201d because Scripture doesn't talk about smartphones;\u2014\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cBut are there things about smartphones that Scripture does speak to?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u201cAnd how can we point our kids back to that?\u201d\u2014because they claim to be Christians, and we want to raise them to follow Christ\u2014but if they don't know what Scripture says or how to apply it to the situations that they're in, then they're going to think Christianity is something they do on Sunday, and not with everything that they do, including their phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Right; yes: \u201cThis isn't a <em>part <\/em>of my life,\u201d\u2014especially, if it is<em> their<\/em> life\u2014it's like, \u201cHow do I bring the\u201d\u2014here we go\u2014\u201cHow do I bring the axis back to: \u2018My life is centered around God, and not centered around the phone; that's just a part of it.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> A <em>great<\/em> reminder about boundaries, and phones, and kids from Brian Goins, David Eaton, and Melanie Mudge. David and Melanie are part of a ministry called Axis. We have a link to that ministry on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that's FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. It is a <em>wonderful<\/em> ministry that has plenty of resources for parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you are still wrestling with <em>when<\/em> to give your child a phone, which I know some of you are holding out, but your kids\u2019 friends have one. That's the argument you hear all the time: \u201cThey have one!\u201d Or your kids are saying that they need to call you when they're done with soccer practice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question is: \u201cJust when is your kid <em>ready<\/em> for a phone?\u201d This was the topic of my conversation with Jonathan and Wynter Pitts. They have four girls. At the time of our conversation, they were right in the middle of handing out cell phones, or questioning whether they're girls could handle cell phones. Wynter founded For Girls Like You\u2014it's a ministry to girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want you to hear Jonathan and Wynter's conversation with me about maturity and cell phones, and how they view giving cell phones to their daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Now, you have twin eight-year-old girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You have an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old. So the cell phone\/social media argument is probably on the table. How have you guys handled that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I\u2019ll let Wynter go. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> So our 14-year-old <em>does<\/em> have a cell phone; but we also have a little agreement that we did\u2014that we made her kind of read over\u2014and we just agreed. Actually, the bigger question is <em>not<\/em>: \u201cWhen do they get the phone?\u201d or \u201cCan they have the phone?\u201d\u2014but: \u201cHave we <em>prepared<\/em> them for the phone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And for her, I feel like we prepared her, like we totally trust. We still stay on top of what websites she's on and what things are allowed on her phone; but really, we've done the work before we handed her the phone. Now, it's just a matter of, \u201cOkay; you <em>know<\/em> what you're supposed to do with this; and if you don't, then we get it back.\u201d So far, she's been pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think it will be a case-by-case situation with each of the girls. The 11-year-old is begging and crying for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I bet she is!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And we just don't see that happening any time soon!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; so I mean, I think it's very custom\u2014and it's going to be for us\u2014our four girls are very different, so different personalities. Or oldest is very responsible and prides herself in her responsibility. Our second girl\u2014I don't know that she's responsible\u2014I don\u2019t know that she prides herself on responsibility. We have to just treat it differently with each child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it is a privilege, just like anything else that you can have or not have. She's [14-year-old] lost her cell phone a few times; but thankfully, not the crazy stories that people think about when they think about those things. But there are great technologies out now that you can have that can help you with some of the things that you worry about, specifically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Are there parenting controls that you can put on <em>your<\/em> phone or on <em>her<\/em> phone? How does that work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> There are; there are parenting controls <em>built into<\/em> the phone. There are also things that you can <em>add<\/em> to the phone. I'm not the biggest researching\u2014but it's out there, and you can find it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And there are ways that, you know, I can see her text messages come to my phone, which I've done\/which I did when she first got the phone. Every message she got, I was getting; and could see her reply; and see the conversations that were happening, which just opened up the door for us to have those conversations, like, \u201cHow do you treat your friends in person <em>and<\/em> online?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, so it's not\u2014you know, this technology thing\u2014we can't avoid it, but just really being open to be able to see and being a part of it\u2014involved in her usage\u2014and like: \u201cOkay; so this is where we need to <em>guide<\/em> this conversation. This is what she needs to know now about how to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> For <em>me<\/em>, growing up, it was, you know, pagers and just our regular house phone\u2014like: \u201cHow do you..\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cNo prank calls!\u201d and \u201cYou can't do this\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, it's cell phones, and Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and social media; and so \u201cJust how do you parent through those things?\u201d and \u201c\u2026the conversations that we need to have with our kids as they're learning to be responsible online?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> I feel like the parents\u2014the parental controls are great\u2014but the heart issue and the bigger conversations need to be happening at the same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So what are you doing with your 11-year-old? Even though she's probably not ready for her <em>own<\/em> phone yet, how are you <em>preparing<\/em> her for the day that she <em>is<\/em> receiving her own phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> We have conversations about how to treat people. We, you know, let her\u2014even now, if I post pictures and she's kind of like, \u201cHow many people liked it?\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cThat's not\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cthat\u2019s not the focus. It\u2019s not what we're talking about.\u201d [Laughter] But then also, you know, she has a little iPod<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014iPod Touch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And some of her cousins have one, as well. They can text each other and have those. And so, even with our closest friends, we\u2019re doing it together\u2014like you know, sometimes, I'll call my cousin, like, \u201cHey, did you see the kids were, you know, texting about whatever?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And we can\/it kind of opens up and prepares us to be able to say: \u201cOkay; you don't do that on there. You can't text people 25 times,\u201d or \u201c\u2026FaceTime them, you know, 50 times and wait for them to reply.\u201d So just stepping in; but then, ultimately, just, you know, raising our kids in Christ. I think teaching them the foundational parts of what it looks like to walk with Christ and live in Him filters into those areas, once they're old enough to have relationships with people outside of our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> And that's where I think the focus has to be; because on one side, you have just complete and utter freedom, where parents just allow their kids just to do whatever they want and just trust, you know, just trust it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> On the other side you have, \u201cI'm going to protect them from <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d I think the middle, and where we need to be, is just teaching our kids responsibility. You can't teach responsibility without\u2014I mean, it's a tug\/it's a tug of war\u2014it's like back and forth, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I think you have to be open to investing in that; because I think you could be lazy and give freedom, and you can be lazy and just lock everything down. It's hard work to actually be in relationship and really just spending a lot of time helping them mature\/helping them grow, as individuals. So when they're adults\u2014because I mean, we know adults\u2014we've all seen adults, whether it be on TV, or family, and friends\u2014that they\u2019re not responsible with their cell phones, with any technology, or anything else for that matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> So you know, responsibility is key; but it's a lot of hard work! We've learned that, as parents of four girls, that's the hardest work we do, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, and what I'm hearing from you guys is: \u201cYou have to be intentional.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> \u2014intentional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It's <em>not<\/em> just being, you know: \u201cHere's your phone. Okay; go out there and do whatever you want to do.\u201d You have to be intentional: you have to teach your daughters before\/teach your kids <em>before<\/em> they receive that phone; and then, continue to guide them, as they're still in your home, as they're still on that phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> And it's just that, as we're talking about this with the phone, it's just with <em>everything<\/em> that we're doing when we\u2019re raising our kids\u2014like this is the training ground\u2014like we're in the training. That means that we have to be prepared to do the work of training them in whatever area it is that we're doing at the time; but then, we also have to be prepared that, when they fail, that training means that they don't know yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wynter:<\/strong> They're going to mess up, and we have to step in and be able to guide them through that\u2014so even that\u2014just being open to the fact that they're not going to just get this right the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Some <em>great<\/em> thoughts and some practical guidelines from intentional parents, Wynter and Jonathan Pitts. Now, not long after my conversation with Jonathan and Wynter, Wynter tragically and unexpectedly passed away. We have a link to Jonathan's <em>Family Life Today <\/em>interview about that story on our website, FamilyLife This Week.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so conflict is a part of <em>daily<\/em> life. Sometimes, we just might call it \u201cdisagreements\u201d; but it's <em>how<\/em> you <em>handle<\/em> that conflict and those disagreements that can turn into, well, the conflict. Matt Chandler, and the artist Plumb, and a few others, are going to share how we can <em>best<\/em> handle conflict in our marriages. I hope you can join us for that; that's <em>next<\/em> week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening. I want to thank the president of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Bruce Goff. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt <em>and<\/em> Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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