{"id":307446,"date":"2022-03-25T08:02:09","date_gmt":"2022-03-25T12:02:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily\/"},"modified":"2024-10-08T00:26:00","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T04:26:00","slug":"how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Parent the Troubled Kid in Your Stepfamily"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Combatting with a child in your stepfamily? Psychologist Danny Huerta offers ideas for dealing with disrespectful, distrustful, reactive, or troubled kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:32","filesize":"24.3M","filesize_raw":"25475386","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2841,10371],"tags":[7060],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9696],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307446","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-parenting-and-stepparenting","tag-troubled-kids","cwp_profile-daniel-huerta-msw-lcsw","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307446\/how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307446\/how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gbV28z4DdS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily\/\">How to Parent the Troubled Kid in Your Stepfamily<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-parent-the-troubled-kid-in-your-stepfamily\/embed\/#?secret=gbV28z4DdS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Parent the Troubled Kid in Your Stepfamily&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gbV28z4DdS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> I give parents permission to have five time-outs\u2014for five minutes, ten minutes; 30-second time-out\u2014it\u2019s a reset of your mind. You are pressing a reset button; because you are the adult, and they are going to rely on you managing those emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So think about when our kids were younger and in the house, and you got upset with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which happened;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that happened for both of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you calm down? What did you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say to them, \u201cYou need to go into the other room.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember hearing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you remember this? And I would have a time-out. I would have to go in the opposite room, because I had to calm down. Do you remember that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because I can get pretty heated,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and I really needed to calm myself down before I would address them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I think what we are talking about\u2014every family\/<em>every<\/em> family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014every parent! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014have moments like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlended families have that as well. We\u2019re going to talk about that a little bit today with Ron Deal\u2014our director of <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014is in the studio with us. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Ron. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thanks, guys. Good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron probably didn\u2019t get upset with his kids like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, yes, I did. [Laughter] Oh, yes, I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We <em>all<\/em> do; right, Ron? Reassure me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That is exactly right; that is exactly right. Kids will bring out the best and the worst in us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got something coming up pretty exciting for <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>. Talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; so on Saturday, April 2, 2022, is our next <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day livestream event for couples\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Woohoo! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014in blended families. Yes, it\u2019s a lot of fun; it\u2019s a great event. Couples can participate from anywhere in the world. If you live near Houston, come be a part of the live audience; we\u2019d love to have you there. But churches can host this and invite couples in their church and their community to come and be a part of it. You don\u2019t have to have the expertise about stepfamily living\u2014that is our job\u2014just get people together. It\u2019s a great little partnership in ministry. Learn all about it\u2014and how you can register; how your church can host the event\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you\u2019ll get the information you need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been there; and it is really, really practical and helpful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think today\u2019s broadcast is going to be the same thing. Ron, you sat down with Danny Huerta, who works with <em>Focus on the Family<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and had a really interesting discussion that we are going to get to hear today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, this is going to be Part Two. Yesterday, we spent a little time talking with Danny. He is the Vice President, by the way, of Parenting and Youth at <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. He is responsible for all the stuff they do to help build into parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe spent some time talking a little bit about cities yesterday. Just so people get oriented: Danny has this great analogy to think about how, when two cities come together\u2014husband and wife\u2014and form a new city, they have highways that they\u2019ve developed between the two of them and bridges; and they\u2019ve got their own museum in their own city with their past. Sometimes, you share all of it; and sometimes, you don\u2019t share all of it. Then they have children. Maybe, we can call those little suburbs. They develop bridges of communication and trains of thought between. It\u2019s a great little analogy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs he starts talking about that, you\u2019re going to pick up on it pretty fast, and that is what he is referring to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk around parents getting hooked by the negative emotions and this stuff that kids throw at us. What do we do when we get triggered? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Well, so I give parents permission to have five time-outs or more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014in a minute?\u2014or a day?\u2014or a week? How many? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014in a day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay, five in a day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> And I do this sometimes for myself. I know it\u2019s going to be a big day of me having to get things done. You put on a sheet of paper, wherever you\u2019re going to be able to access that, and put a time-out; because it\u2019s a great example for your kids. Going for five-minute, ten-minute; 30-second time-out; it\u2019s a reset of your mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are pressing the reset button; because you are the adult, and they are going to rely on you managing those emotions. Having that resource of maybe a friend or another person you can call\u2014go into the bathroom if it\u2019s really getting overwhelming\u2014and get some perspective in the moment\u00a0 can be helpful so you regain composure, and you\u2019re able to come back with your mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I really like that. Yes, I\u2019m responsible for how I am reacting. If I catch myself getting angry\u2014flying off the handle, losing charge of myself\u2014I need to calm down. I need to figure out a way to talk myself down from this; pray like crazy: \u201cGod, help me calm down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and I both know the thinking part of our brain shuts off\u2014this applies to your teenager as well; your child of any age\u2014thinking brain shuts off. When we get dysregulated, we stop thinking; and we just start reacting. I\u2019ve got to calm down so I can start thinking again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> A good way\u2014one very simple tool that you can use, starting today\u2014is go\/we all need to be hydrated: go get a drink of water, and stare out the window, and just picture the Holy Spirit just pouring in as you are drinking water, and letting your mind rest in the moment. You\u2019re bringing in an extra ounce of that Holy Spirit; maybe, it\u2019s a quick prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t react; drink a glass of water, and stare out the window, and then come back to the conversation\u2014especially with a teenager, who is trying to push your buttons and trying to get you going\u2014that\u2019s where you don\u2019t want to give up any power in that. You have to let the teen know: \u201cIt\u2019s not up for grabs; I\u2019m in control of me.\u201d And over time, that is going to be respected; but you have to show that reset, and come in with you in control so the child knows that they <em>can\u2019t<\/em> push your buttons to a place, where they gain control. They are coming out of anger, and they are potentially going to push you until you break; and they\u2019ve won. Their anger has won, and they feel better about it. They like that you are miserable now. So just take a drink of water and come back to the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I want to connect some dots for our listener. Let\u2019s connect the early part of our conversation with what Danny just said. Remember, this kid is hurting; and sometimes, they are blaming you for all the struggles that they\u2019ve had in life. Sometimes, they are just mad at the world for the things that have happened in their life, their family, etc.\u2014whatever it might be\u2014the stuff you can\u2019t control. Still, it\u2019s going to come out on somebody; so out of that hurt, they react. Sometimes, yes, they are trying to just ignite you into responding\/reacting, in some backward way, so that you\u2019ll move toward them so they can be heard; so somebody will care about what they are hurting over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is so difficult to maintain yourself\u2014to put on gentleness; I\u2019m thinking fruit of the Spirit here\u2014to calm down enough to be there to continue to love them; but yet, to see past the hurt and the anger\u2014the outside stuff\u2014and see what is on the inside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve got to ask you, man, because anybody in that situation feels disrespected: \u201cHow do you wrestle with that? This kid is just totally disrespecting me, and I\u2019m supposed to respond with gentleness and quiet; you know, be calm. That just is <em>hard<\/em> to do. I want respect <em>first<\/em>; then I\u2019ll respond with love.\u201d But I don\u2019t think we can do it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> I think our human nature is the reality there. It <em>feels<\/em> helpless; it feels <em>powerless<\/em> in the moment. Notice I said, \u201cfeels.\u201d You have a lot of power by showing self-control. So when you show that, you show a lot of power that, over time, is going to be respected. It doesn\u2019t mean there isn\u2019t a consequence. You\u2019re still the parent\u2014you\u2019re not looking for happiness\u2014you\u2019re looking for connection. It\u2019s going to be shown in that warmth, and sensitivity, and love with compassion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEmotions don\u2019t have to be contagious; take a deep breath. Even if you need to stare at their eyes or somewhere to regulate yourself\u2014and that\u2019s a good way to regulate, by the way, your emotions\u2014just stare at one spot, and take a deep breath, and remind yourself of what the bigger picture is here: that you are showing self-control; and that is regaining the power of the moment, because those moments will accumulate over time. Over time, that child is going to respect you. If you lose it, you\u2019ve lost even more ground on any type of potential connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. I <em>love<\/em> the way you are saying that: \u201cYou are retaining your power in that moment\u201d; and you are. If you start reacting as much as they are reacting, now, they\u2019ve got <em>another<\/em> reason to disrespect you, in the child\u2019s mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes; and figure out a way\u2014you can have a squeeze ball close by, or all over the house, or whatever you need to regulate yourself\u2014some people use\/put things in their pocket or chew gum. Little subtle things that help remind you, \u201cI\u2019ve got to manage me. I\u2019ve got to be all in\u201d; maybe, it\u2019s that drink of water. You regain perspective that, when the kids are the most unlovable, that\u2019s when they require the <em>most<\/em> love from you. That is, truly, when you are being a loving person. Every night, pray for that extra refill from God on how you can love deeply and in a steadfast way\u2014that means immovable\u2014and that will transform your home over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a hurting child, where their city, if you can picture this, has had an earthquake; and they are trying to rebuild, and all their hurts are probably being brought to you. They need somebody to blame, and you\u2019re the easiest one. They are angry because of what has happened; they can\u2019t even pinpoint it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more you can just respond with warmth, and gentleness, and love\u2014what you are saying, \u201cThe fruit of the Spirit\u201d\u2014moments will change over time. Maybe, that is the support system you need to regroup; but also, agreeing with your spouse what boundaries need to be there so that you also provide consequences along the way\u2014some boundaries to what is being done\/what\u2019s being said\u2014so that things don\u2019t get out of control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We are listening to the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> where Ron Deal sat down with Danny Huerta. Man, I tell you, Ron, that last\/that drinking in the Holy Spirit visual is one that really sticks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m not going to forget that. I\u2019m going to try to apply that, even in marriage, Ron. What did you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I love it. It is physically helping your body to calm down, which is something we have to do in order for our brain to turn back on; and the imagery of prayer as you drink, \u201cLord, pour into me the fruit juice of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. Let me find self-control, Lord, right here\/right now, so that I can go back and reengage with my child.\u201d Beautiful imagery: physically, it works; spiritually, it\u2019s magnificent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And every parent needs it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If there is ever a time that you need the fruit of the Spirit, it\u2019s when you are being a mom or a dad. Let\u2019s go back and hear more of this conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Is it possible to do both of those: set boundaries and be gentle? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes, and it doesn\u2019t have to be in that moment of emotion. It can be when something is asked. You can say, \u201cWell, I\u2019d love to really develop trust between us,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019d love to develop relationship\/hear some of the things that you made a decision to go against in our home. These are the values we\u2019ve got, and you went against it. Here is what we\u2019ve agreed on is the consequence to that,\u201d\u2014maybe, it\u2019s not going out with friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, counseling is probably going to\/in this situation, counseling would be helpful\u2014somebody from an objective standpoint\u2014helping mediate that. I can tell you a lot of teens have come into my office and said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be here. I don\u2019t see why I need to be here. This is my parents\u2019 problem; I\u2019m not the problem.\u201d Yet, they do agree that they want a life that is different; so the sooner they fire the counselor the better; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right\u2014work ourselves out of a job\u2014that\u2019s what we are trying to do. I like the way you cast that. The parent can say, \u201cI do want to consider your request, but here are some things that you have done\u2026so here are some boundaries I\u2019m going to have to set. This is all a conversation about: \u2018How you can regain my trust. So work back to a place, where that thing you ask for\/that thing you wanted to do, for example, is something we can work towards.\u201d That is drawing on the motivation of the child in a way to say, \u201cLet\u2019s work on this together.\u201d That\u2019s giving them some hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, when kids feel like, \u201cMan, there is no hope. Nobody is listening to me; nobody cares. There is no way I\u2019m going to honor your boundaries, because what\u2019s the point?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes; and it gets messy. As a parent, what you can do is remember what\u2019s important to that child that you are trying to connect with. If it\u2019s a stepchild, who is bringing in a lot of anger toward you and blaming a lot of things on you, be persistent and remember those things they love\u2014and not to make it a kid-centric home\u2014but to show that you care deeply about what they think, who they are, and getting to know them. If you guys can incorporate one-on-one times with something that is of interest to you and to the child, and taking turns, that is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we don\u2019t want to create a narcissistic type of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014undertone in the house; but the child is going to need to learn how to love back as well. You just need to be persistent. I want to use that word\u2014\u201cSteadfast\u201d\u2014is, actually, one of my favorite words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me turn the corner to a little bit different scenario. What if the child\u2019s anger towards a parent or stepparent is completely justified? They are indignant about something the parent has done. Let\u2019s say you are a biological parent, and you\u2019ve been MIA for a while; now, you are coming back into a child\u2019s life. Or you have burdened your child, as you were talking earlier\u2014and you have made them responsible for communicating with the other household\u2014your co-parent. They have had to carry the burden of this conflict between the two major cities; and it\u2019s just been hard, and a pain, and a burden. Now, you\u2019re wanting to make it better or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA scenario that I\u2019ve run into many times\u2014you had an affair\u2014you ended your family because of an affair. You\u2019ve now married the affair-ee, and that\u2019s your blended family. The child is going, \u201cI just can\u2019t accept this. It\u2019s almost like I\u2019m giving mom or dad a pass on their actions if I get happy about this new family.\u201d What does a parent do <em>then<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Realize, that when a child is in that inflexible type of mindset\u2014and that is what I will call it, inflexible\u2014\u201cYou require justice; you have wronged me,\u201d\u2014they will usually move against you. That\u2019s a natural inflexible tendency of the mind. The child is just thinking, \u201cThis is how justice happens\u2026\u201d; or they may cling to the other parent to be safe, depending on the age and personality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a parent needs to do is come with a humble heart that says, \u201cI have done wrong; you are absolutely right,\u201d\u2014and accepting that; coming with an open, teachable heart, repentant\u2014but not constantly\u2014you just ask for forgiveness. You don\u2019t plead for it; you ask for it\u2014you say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry; knowing what I know now, I would do things differently,\u201d\u2014or whatever that may be\u2014but bringing honest desire and genuine desire for connection, and knowing that it\u2019s going to take time to repair. You\u2019re going to have to be patient. It may take a couple years\u2014maybe, even <em>three<\/em> years\u2014but that persistence of you showing that you are a different person is going to give new information to that child to interpret who you are differently; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis point: \u201cThere is justice that needs to be served, and the sentence is never long enough for that and realize that.\u201d So sometimes, the question is: \u201cWhat do you need from me to make things better?\u201d The child usually doesn\u2019t know what to answer: \u201cWell, I wish you hadn\u2019t done that,\u201d \u201cI understand that, and I\u2019m asking for that forgiveness. Do you think you can do that?\u201d Sometimes, they\u2019ll say, \u201cNo!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, \u201cI get that. Let me know if you change your mind or when that happens. Just know that I love you; I would die for you. I still want to connect with you, and I hope we can continue to do that,\u201d\u2014and following through with your commitments\u2014even if it is going to hurt\/if you\u2019re going to feel the rejection; prepare yourself, emotionally, for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more persistent and steadfast you are in the relationship, with that type of emotion\u2014you will, over time, begin to see a difference in how they respond to you\u2014because then you\u2019re trustworthy, you\u2019re following through, you are showing that you are doing what you are saying; and they will see the difference over time. They will be watching you; but know that your role is coming with a humble and repentant heart as you try to build that bridge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey may grenade it\u2014build it again; right?\u2014and just say, \u201cJust a reminder: I really love you; want to connect with you\u201d; but you don\u2019t have to keep admitting to the fault over and over again to regain love. That\u2019s never going to really do any good, and it\u2019s going to make you feel worse and worse. They\u2019ll punish you more and more. It\u2019s having a moment of special connection, where you repent of that, and you talk to them, and you ask for forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeyond that, you love consistently; and you\u2019re able to reference back, \u201cHey, do you remember when we talked about this one that I asked for forgiveness? Well, that\u2019s our starting point of something new between us. I\u2019m hoping you are willing to open up a new chapter between us. Can we close the previous chapter and just have a conclusion to that? Open a new one. Maybe, we can title it, <em>A New Chapter<\/em>.\u201d With kids, who are creative, you can do that; you can say, \u201cWhat could we title this new chapter that we can start to write together?\u2014because the previous chapter was super messy, but there is a new chapter we can write?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Boy, I tell you: that conversation Ron had with Danny\u2014Ron, what he just said there at the end\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, my! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014every parent\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re thinking, \u201cCan he live in my house? Please come and help me!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We all want to start a new chapter because we\u2019ve messed up, or we\u2019ve done things\u2014like Danny said\u2014that are messy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I like, too, how he talked about gentleness and respect, how they can work together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He was even gentle as he said it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and that can produce strength and self-control; and then parents control themselves so that\u2014I mean, this is important\u2014we control ourselves <em>so that<\/em> we can connect with our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, and it\u2019s also part of the repair process. Like, when we mess up\u2014and I\u2019ve been there\/done that\u2014the finding gentleness is a way to begin repair. I mean, essentially, you do something\u2014your child feels hurt\u2014you want to show them you\u2019re changing; you\u2019ve got to demonstrate that. We expect change out of our kids around <em>their<\/em> behavior; we\u2019ve got to demonstrate that <em>first<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, that starts with us even knowing what our triggers are; so we can manage those things a little better. I love his phrase: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to let your mind control your brain\u201d; right? That\u2019s having the mind of Christ\u2014Philippians 4 comes to mind\u2014\u201cWhatever is true, honorable, praiseworthy, just, pure, lovely\u201d\u2014what does he say?\u2014\u201cthink about these things.\u201d Let your mind control your brain. And then, verse 9\u2014\u201cPut them into practice.\u201d That\u2019s Paul\u2019s prescription here: think about it; put it into practice; and what comes next?\u2014peace\u2014\u201cThe God of peace will be with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, yes, we discipline our minds. Our thoughts begin to change. That\u2019s going to help lead to repair in a relationship and bring peace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, what a helpful conversation. That was really just a part of the conversation. If you want to listen more of it, go to our <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. That\u2019s part of our FamilyLife network of podcasts, and you can listen to the rest of the conversation Ron had with Danny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Danny Huerta helped us to see that, as we are persistent and steadfast, over time, we will see a difference in how our kids respond to us. We can take proactive steps to walk with Jesus ourselves and model that well to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlended families face unique challenges. We recognize that, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, which is why we are excited to talk about the upcoming <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day live event and livestream event happening on April 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We have FamilyLife\u2019s president, David Robbins, with us today. David, tell us about the unique event that addresses this specific topic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, our <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> team is one week away from their premiere event that happens once a year, called <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em>. If you haven\u2019t been before, I <em>urge<\/em> you to go check out this event. What makes this event so special is that there are very few contexts out there that speaks uniquely to the challenges and the opportunities in stepfamilies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal and his team and the guests that he has do a phenomenal job pointing you to Jesus\/pointing you to the Restorer of all things. The ones that I have been able to go to in person, the feedback that I get the <em>most<\/em> is\u2014that people [who] listen on the livestream or go in person\u2014and they\u2019ve never felt more known [with] their family and people knowing their situations than any other thing they\u2019ve experienced. It truly is a blessing for blended families to experience this day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. You can head over to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to look for the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> conference. You can sign up there to attend live on April 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, or you can livestream the event. Again, head over to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more information and sign up, or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of the FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you\u2014I know they have been for me\u2014we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or family member. Wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance what we\u2019re doing at the ministry of FamilyLife, if you would scroll down and rate and review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, this weekend, a lot of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> events are happening all over the country. There are <em>Weekend<\/em>s<em> to Remember<\/em> happening in the Poconos in Pennsylvania; Des Moines, Iowa; Nashville, Tennessee; Newport, Rhode Island; Redondo Beach, California; if you\u2019d take a moment to pray for those couples as they are gathering this weekend to attend our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd coming up on Monday, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking with author, Joe Rigney, about how we can sometimes miss the beauty and blessings in everyday common things and events that our heavenly Father <em>longs<\/em> for us to delight in as His children. That\u2019s next week; we hope you can join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:32"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.3M"],"filesize_raw":["25475386"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307446.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307446.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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with a child in your stepfamily? Psychologist Danny Huerta offers ideas for dealing with disrespectful, distrustful, reactive, or troubled kids.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> I give parents permission to have five time-outs\u2014for five minutes, ten minutes; 30-second time-out\u2014it\u2019s a reset of your mind. You are pressing a reset button; because you are the adult, and they are going to rely on you managing those emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So think about when our kids were younger and in the house, and you got upset with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which happened;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that happened for both of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you calm down? What did you do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say to them, \u201cYou need to go into the other room.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember hearing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you remember this? And I would have a time-out. I would have to go in the opposite room, because I had to calm down. Do you remember that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because I can get pretty heated,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and I really needed to calm myself down before I would address them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I think what we are talking about\u2014every family\/<em>every<\/em> family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014every parent! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014have moments like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlended families have that as well. We\u2019re going to talk about that a little bit today with Ron Deal\u2014our director of <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014is in the studio with us. Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Ron. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thanks, guys. Good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron probably didn\u2019t get upset with his kids like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, yes, I did. [Laughter] Oh, yes, I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We <em>all<\/em> do; right, Ron? Reassure me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That is exactly right; that is exactly right. Kids will bring out the best and the worst in us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got something coming up pretty exciting for <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>. Talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; so on Saturday, April 2, 2022, is our next <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day livestream event for couples\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Woohoo! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014in blended families. Yes, it\u2019s a lot of fun; it\u2019s a great event. Couples can participate from anywhere in the world. If you live near Houston, come be a part of the live audience; we\u2019d love to have you there. But churches can host this and invite couples in their church and their community to come and be a part of it. You don\u2019t have to have the expertise about stepfamily living\u2014that is our job\u2014just get people together. It\u2019s a great little partnership in ministry. Learn all about it\u2014and how you can register; how your church can host the event\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you\u2019ll get the information you need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been there; and it is really, really practical and helpful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think today\u2019s broadcast is going to be the same thing. Ron, you sat down with Danny Huerta, who works with <em>Focus on the Family<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and had a really interesting discussion that we are going to get to hear today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, this is going to be Part Two. Yesterday, we spent a little time talking with Danny. He is the Vice President, by the way, of Parenting and Youth at <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. He is responsible for all the stuff they do to help build into parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe spent some time talking a little bit about cities yesterday. Just so people get oriented: Danny has this great analogy to think about how, when two cities come together\u2014husband and wife\u2014and form a new city, they have highways that they\u2019ve developed between the two of them and bridges; and they\u2019ve got their own museum in their own city with their past. Sometimes, you share all of it; and sometimes, you don\u2019t share all of it. Then they have children. Maybe, we can call those little suburbs. They develop bridges of communication and trains of thought between. It\u2019s a great little analogy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs he starts talking about that, you\u2019re going to pick up on it pretty fast, and that is what he is referring to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk around parents getting hooked by the negative emotions and this stuff that kids throw at us. What do we do when we get triggered? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Well, so I give parents permission to have five time-outs or more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014in a minute?\u2014or a day?\u2014or a week? How many? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014in a day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay, five in a day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> And I do this sometimes for myself. I know it\u2019s going to be a big day of me having to get things done. You put on a sheet of paper, wherever you\u2019re going to be able to access that, and put a time-out; because it\u2019s a great example for your kids. Going for five-minute, ten-minute; 30-second time-out; it\u2019s a reset of your mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are pressing the reset button; because you are the adult, and they are going to rely on you managing those emotions. Having that resource of maybe a friend or another person you can call\u2014go into the bathroom if it\u2019s really getting overwhelming\u2014and get some perspective in the moment\u00a0 can be helpful so you regain composure, and you\u2019re able to come back with your mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I really like that. Yes, I\u2019m responsible for how I am reacting. If I catch myself getting angry\u2014flying off the handle, losing charge of myself\u2014I need to calm down. I need to figure out a way to talk myself down from this; pray like crazy: \u201cGod, help me calm down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and I both know the thinking part of our brain shuts off\u2014this applies to your teenager as well; your child of any age\u2014thinking brain shuts off. When we get dysregulated, we stop thinking; and we just start reacting. I\u2019ve got to calm down so I can start thinking again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> A good way\u2014one very simple tool that you can use, starting today\u2014is go\/we all need to be hydrated: go get a drink of water, and stare out the window, and just picture the Holy Spirit just pouring in as you are drinking water, and letting your mind rest in the moment. You\u2019re bringing in an extra ounce of that Holy Spirit; maybe, it\u2019s a quick prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t react; drink a glass of water, and stare out the window, and then come back to the conversation\u2014especially with a teenager, who is trying to push your buttons and trying to get you going\u2014that\u2019s where you don\u2019t want to give up any power in that. You have to let the teen know: \u201cIt\u2019s not up for grabs; I\u2019m in control of me.\u201d And over time, that is going to be respected; but you have to show that reset, and come in with you in control so the child knows that they <em>can\u2019t<\/em> push your buttons to a place, where they gain control. They are coming out of anger, and they are potentially going to push you until you break; and they\u2019ve won. Their anger has won, and they feel better about it. They like that you are miserable now. So just take a drink of water and come back to the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I want to connect some dots for our listener. Let\u2019s connect the early part of our conversation with what Danny just said. Remember, this kid is hurting; and sometimes, they are blaming you for all the struggles that they\u2019ve had in life. Sometimes, they are just mad at the world for the things that have happened in their life, their family, etc.\u2014whatever it might be\u2014the stuff you can\u2019t control. Still, it\u2019s going to come out on somebody; so out of that hurt, they react. Sometimes, yes, they are trying to just ignite you into responding\/reacting, in some backward way, so that you\u2019ll move toward them so they can be heard; so somebody will care about what they are hurting over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is so difficult to maintain yourself\u2014to put on gentleness; I\u2019m thinking fruit of the Spirit here\u2014to calm down enough to be there to continue to love them; but yet, to see past the hurt and the anger\u2014the outside stuff\u2014and see what is on the inside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve got to ask you, man, because anybody in that situation feels disrespected: \u201cHow do you wrestle with that? This kid is just totally disrespecting me, and I\u2019m supposed to respond with gentleness and quiet; you know, be calm. That just is <em>hard<\/em> to do. I want respect <em>first<\/em>; then I\u2019ll respond with love.\u201d But I don\u2019t think we can do it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> I think our human nature is the reality there. It <em>feels<\/em> helpless; it feels <em>powerless<\/em> in the moment. Notice I said, \u201cfeels.\u201d You have a lot of power by showing self-control. So when you show that, you show a lot of power that, over time, is going to be respected. It doesn\u2019t mean there isn\u2019t a consequence. You\u2019re still the parent\u2014you\u2019re not looking for happiness\u2014you\u2019re looking for connection. It\u2019s going to be shown in that warmth, and sensitivity, and love with compassion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEmotions don\u2019t have to be contagious; take a deep breath. Even if you need to stare at their eyes or somewhere to regulate yourself\u2014and that\u2019s a good way to regulate, by the way, your emotions\u2014just stare at one spot, and take a deep breath, and remind yourself of what the bigger picture is here: that you are showing self-control; and that is regaining the power of the moment, because those moments will accumulate over time. Over time, that child is going to respect you. If you lose it, you\u2019ve lost even more ground on any type of potential connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. I <em>love<\/em> the way you are saying that: \u201cYou are retaining your power in that moment\u201d; and you are. If you start reacting as much as they are reacting, now, they\u2019ve got <em>another<\/em> reason to disrespect you, in the child\u2019s mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes; and figure out a way\u2014you can have a squeeze ball close by, or all over the house, or whatever you need to regulate yourself\u2014some people use\/put things in their pocket or chew gum. Little subtle things that help remind you, \u201cI\u2019ve got to manage me. I\u2019ve got to be all in\u201d; maybe, it\u2019s that drink of water. You regain perspective that, when the kids are the most unlovable, that\u2019s when they require the <em>most<\/em> love from you. That is, truly, when you are being a loving person. Every night, pray for that extra refill from God on how you can love deeply and in a steadfast way\u2014that means immovable\u2014and that will transform your home over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a hurting child, where their city, if you can picture this, has had an earthquake; and they are trying to rebuild, and all their hurts are probably being brought to you. They need somebody to blame, and you\u2019re the easiest one. They are angry because of what has happened; they can\u2019t even pinpoint it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more you can just respond with warmth, and gentleness, and love\u2014what you are saying, \u201cThe fruit of the Spirit\u201d\u2014moments will change over time. Maybe, that is the support system you need to regroup; but also, agreeing with your spouse what boundaries need to be there so that you also provide consequences along the way\u2014some boundaries to what is being done\/what\u2019s being said\u2014so that things don\u2019t get out of control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We are listening to the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> where Ron Deal sat down with Danny Huerta. Man, I tell you, Ron, that last\/that drinking in the Holy Spirit visual is one that really sticks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m not going to forget that. I\u2019m going to try to apply that, even in marriage, Ron. What did you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I love it. It is physically helping your body to calm down, which is something we have to do in order for our brain to turn back on; and the imagery of prayer as you drink, \u201cLord, pour into me the fruit juice of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. Let me find self-control, Lord, right here\/right now, so that I can go back and reengage with my child.\u201d Beautiful imagery: physically, it works; spiritually, it\u2019s magnificent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And every parent needs it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If there is ever a time that you need the fruit of the Spirit, it\u2019s when you are being a mom or a dad. Let\u2019s go back and hear more of this conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Is it possible to do both of those: set boundaries and be gentle? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes, and it doesn\u2019t have to be in that moment of emotion. It can be when something is asked. You can say, \u201cWell, I\u2019d love to really develop trust between us,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019d love to develop relationship\/hear some of the things that you made a decision to go against in our home. These are the values we\u2019ve got, and you went against it. Here is what we\u2019ve agreed on is the consequence to that,\u201d\u2014maybe, it\u2019s not going out with friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, counseling is probably going to\/in this situation, counseling would be helpful\u2014somebody from an objective standpoint\u2014helping mediate that. I can tell you a lot of teens have come into my office and said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be here. I don\u2019t see why I need to be here. This is my parents\u2019 problem; I\u2019m not the problem.\u201d Yet, they do agree that they want a life that is different; so the sooner they fire the counselor the better; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right\u2014work ourselves out of a job\u2014that\u2019s what we are trying to do. I like the way you cast that. The parent can say, \u201cI do want to consider your request, but here are some things that you have done\u2026so here are some boundaries I\u2019m going to have to set. This is all a conversation about: \u2018How you can regain my trust. So work back to a place, where that thing you ask for\/that thing you wanted to do, for example, is something we can work towards.\u201d That is drawing on the motivation of the child in a way to say, \u201cLet\u2019s work on this together.\u201d That\u2019s giving them some hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, when kids feel like, \u201cMan, there is no hope. Nobody is listening to me; nobody cares. There is no way I\u2019m going to honor your boundaries, because what\u2019s the point?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes; and it gets messy. As a parent, what you can do is remember what\u2019s important to that child that you are trying to connect with. If it\u2019s a stepchild, who is bringing in a lot of anger toward you and blaming a lot of things on you, be persistent and remember those things they love\u2014and not to make it a kid-centric home\u2014but to show that you care deeply about what they think, who they are, and getting to know them. If you guys can incorporate one-on-one times with something that is of interest to you and to the child, and taking turns, that is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we don\u2019t want to create a narcissistic type of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014undertone in the house; but the child is going to need to learn how to love back as well. You just need to be persistent. I want to use that word\u2014\u201cSteadfast\u201d\u2014is, actually, one of my favorite words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let me turn the corner to a little bit different scenario. What if the child\u2019s anger towards a parent or stepparent is completely justified? They are indignant about something the parent has done. Let\u2019s say you are a biological parent, and you\u2019ve been MIA for a while; now, you are coming back into a child\u2019s life. Or you have burdened your child, as you were talking earlier\u2014and you have made them responsible for communicating with the other household\u2014your co-parent. They have had to carry the burden of this conflict between the two major cities; and it\u2019s just been hard, and a pain, and a burden. Now, you\u2019re wanting to make it better or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA scenario that I\u2019ve run into many times\u2014you had an affair\u2014you ended your family because of an affair. You\u2019ve now married the affair-ee, and that\u2019s your blended family. The child is going, \u201cI just can\u2019t accept this. It\u2019s almost like I\u2019m giving mom or dad a pass on their actions if I get happy about this new family.\u201d What does a parent do <em>then<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Realize, that when a child is in that inflexible type of mindset\u2014and that is what I will call it, inflexible\u2014\u201cYou require justice; you have wronged me,\u201d\u2014they will usually move against you. That\u2019s a natural inflexible tendency of the mind. The child is just thinking, \u201cThis is how justice happens\u2026\u201d; or they may cling to the other parent to be safe, depending on the age and personality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a parent needs to do is come with a humble heart that says, \u201cI have done wrong; you are absolutely right,\u201d\u2014and accepting that; coming with an open, teachable heart, repentant\u2014but not constantly\u2014you just ask for forgiveness. You don\u2019t plead for it; you ask for it\u2014you say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry; knowing what I know now, I would do things differently,\u201d\u2014or whatever that may be\u2014but bringing honest desire and genuine desire for connection, and knowing that it\u2019s going to take time to repair. You\u2019re going to have to be patient. It may take a couple years\u2014maybe, even <em>three<\/em> years\u2014but that persistence of you showing that you are a different person is going to give new information to that child to interpret who you are differently; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis point: \u201cThere is justice that needs to be served, and the sentence is never long enough for that and realize that.\u201d So sometimes, the question is: \u201cWhat do you need from me to make things better?\u201d The child usually doesn\u2019t know what to answer: \u201cWell, I wish you hadn\u2019t done that,\u201d \u201cI understand that, and I\u2019m asking for that forgiveness. Do you think you can do that?\u201d Sometimes, they\u2019ll say, \u201cNo!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, \u201cI get that. Let me know if you change your mind or when that happens. Just know that I love you; I would die for you. I still want to connect with you, and I hope we can continue to do that,\u201d\u2014and following through with your commitments\u2014even if it is going to hurt\/if you\u2019re going to feel the rejection; prepare yourself, emotionally, for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more persistent and steadfast you are in the relationship, with that type of emotion\u2014you will, over time, begin to see a difference in how they respond to you\u2014because then you\u2019re trustworthy, you\u2019re following through, you are showing that you are doing what you are saying; and they will see the difference over time. They will be watching you; but know that your role is coming with a humble and repentant heart as you try to build that bridge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey may grenade it\u2014build it again; right?\u2014and just say, \u201cJust a reminder: I really love you; want to connect with you\u201d; but you don\u2019t have to keep admitting to the fault over and over again to regain love. That\u2019s never going to really do any good, and it\u2019s going to make you feel worse and worse. They\u2019ll punish you more and more. It\u2019s having a moment of special connection, where you repent of that, and you talk to them, and you ask for forgiveness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeyond that, you love consistently; and you\u2019re able to reference back, \u201cHey, do you remember when we talked about this one that I asked for forgiveness? Well, that\u2019s our starting point of something new between us. I\u2019m hoping you are willing to open up a new chapter between us. Can we close the previous chapter and just have a conclusion to that? Open a new one. Maybe, we can title it, <em>A New Chapter<\/em>.\u201d With kids, who are creative, you can do that; you can say, \u201cWhat could we title this new chapter that we can start to write together?\u2014because the previous chapter was super messy, but there is a new chapter we can write?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Boy, I tell you: that conversation Ron had with Danny\u2014Ron, what he just said there at the end\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, my! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014every parent\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re thinking, \u201cCan he live in my house? Please come and help me!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We all want to start a new chapter because we\u2019ve messed up, or we\u2019ve done things\u2014like Danny said\u2014that are messy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I like, too, how he talked about gentleness and respect, how they can work together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He was even gentle as he said it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and that can produce strength and self-control; and then parents control themselves so that\u2014I mean, this is important\u2014we control ourselves <em>so that<\/em> we can connect with our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, and it\u2019s also part of the repair process. Like, when we mess up\u2014and I\u2019ve been there\/done that\u2014the finding gentleness is a way to begin repair. I mean, essentially, you do something\u2014your child feels hurt\u2014you want to show them you\u2019re changing; you\u2019ve got to demonstrate that. We expect change out of our kids around <em>their<\/em> behavior; we\u2019ve got to demonstrate that <em>first<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, that starts with us even knowing what our triggers are; so we can manage those things a little better. I love his phrase: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to let your mind control your brain\u201d; right? That\u2019s having the mind of Christ\u2014Philippians 4 comes to mind\u2014\u201cWhatever is true, honorable, praiseworthy, just, pure, lovely\u201d\u2014what does he say?\u2014\u201cthink about these things.\u201d Let your mind control your brain. And then, verse 9\u2014\u201cPut them into practice.\u201d That\u2019s Paul\u2019s prescription here: think about it; put it into practice; and what comes next?\u2014peace\u2014\u201cThe God of peace will be with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, yes, we discipline our minds. Our thoughts begin to change. That\u2019s going to help lead to repair in a relationship and bring peace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, what a helpful conversation. That was really just a part of the conversation. If you want to listen more of it, go to our <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. That\u2019s part of our FamilyLife network of podcasts, and you can listen to the rest of the conversation Ron had with Danny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Danny Huerta helped us to see that, as we are persistent and steadfast, over time, we will see a difference in how our kids respond to us. We can take proactive steps to walk with Jesus ourselves and model that well to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlended families face unique challenges. We recognize that, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, which is why we are excited to talk about the upcoming <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day live event and livestream event happening on April 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We have FamilyLife\u2019s president, David Robbins, with us today. David, tell us about the unique event that addresses this specific topic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, our <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> team is one week away from their premiere event that happens once a year, called <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em>. If you haven\u2019t been before, I <em>urge<\/em> you to go check out this event. What makes this event so special is that there are very few contexts out there that speaks uniquely to the challenges and the opportunities in stepfamilies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal and his team and the guests that he has do a phenomenal job pointing you to Jesus\/pointing you to the Restorer of all things. The ones that I have been able to go to in person, the feedback that I get the <em>most<\/em> is\u2014that people [who] listen on the livestream or go in person\u2014and they\u2019ve never felt more known [with] their family and people knowing their situations than any other thing they\u2019ve experienced. It truly is a blessing for blended families to experience this day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. You can head over to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to look for the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> conference. You can sign up there to attend live on April 2<sup>nd<\/sup>, or you can livestream the event. Again, head over to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more information and sign up, or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of the FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you\u2014I know they have been for me\u2014we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or family member. Wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance what we\u2019re doing at the ministry of FamilyLife, if you would scroll down and rate and review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, this weekend, a lot of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> events are happening all over the country. There are <em>Weekend<\/em>s<em> to Remember<\/em> happening in the Poconos in Pennsylvania; Des Moines, Iowa; Nashville, Tennessee; Newport, Rhode Island; Redondo Beach, California; if you\u2019d take a moment to pray for those couples as they are gathering this weekend to attend our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd coming up on Monday, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking with author, Joe Rigney, about how we can sometimes miss the beauty and blessings in everyday common things and events that our heavenly Father <em>longs<\/em> for us to delight in as His children. That\u2019s next week; we hope you can join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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