{"id":307445,"date":"2022-03-24T08:02:07","date_gmt":"2022-03-24T12:02:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily\/"},"modified":"2022-03-24T08:02:07","modified_gmt":"2022-03-24T12:02:07","slug":"parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting an Angry Child in Your Stepfamily"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you help a lost or angry child who battles against the family? Ron Deal speaks with psychologist Danny Huerta on troubled kids in a stepfamily.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-24.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:58","filesize":"26.52M","filesize_raw":"27804661","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2858],"tags":[7059],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9696],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307445","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-stepparenting-skills","tag-angry-child","cwp_profile-daniel-huerta-msw-lcsw","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307445\/parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307445\/parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"kPx80NcP1M\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily\/\">Parenting an Angry Child in Your Stepfamily<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-an-angry-child-in-your-stepfamily\/embed\/#?secret=kPx80NcP1M\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Parenting an Angry Child in Your Stepfamily&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"kPx80NcP1M\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-24.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-24.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Give yourself grace\u2014but pause and try to notice\u2014put pause buttons all over your house, and that will just remind you: \u201cOh, I just need to look at my child\u2019s face,\u201d \u201cI need to look in their eyes,\u201d \u201cI need to visit their city; I can\u2019t just be focused on my own city. I\u2019ve got to go into their city and see what is going on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife\u2014<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>\u2014Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t imagine what my stepmom was probably thinking of me when she married my dad; and now, she has a son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know me; I was <em>not<\/em> happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You were not happy at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I wasn\u2019t happy about the arrangement. She was an <em>incredible<\/em> woman; but initially, I didn\u2019t want her in my life. It became a difficult transition for all of us. I think that\u2019s pretty common for most blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about that today. We\u2019ve got Ron Deal with us in the studio. Ron is the director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s always great to be back with you guys. Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and so what you just heard me say is pretty common. I know you talk about this on your <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast, which is part of the FamilyLife network of podcasts. Is that pretty common? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Absolutely, it is. I mean, figuring out how you are going to work together and agree; and sometimes, you disagree. That was the topic of conversation that I had with Danny Huerta for the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the things I\u2019m thinking about is\u2014you may not be part of a blended family, at least in your home\u2014but you may be connected to somebody in your extended family who is. So listen for them\/for how you can encourage <em>them<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here is the other thing: the principles that we talked about with Danny, really, apply to all marriages and families. So many times, I was talking with Danny, and I was thinking, \u201cWow; Nan and I could have used this when our kids were younger.\u201d Feel free to apply the principles to your life and your circumstances. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to get to listen to your conversation. Tell us a little about Danny. I know he is with <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Danny is Vice President of Parenting and Youth at <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. He oversees their initiatives to equip moms and dads with biblical principles for raising healthy, resilient children. He is a bilingual\u2014I should mention\u2014licensed, clinical social worker. He is a great guy, good friend; really enjoyed my time with him. He and Heather have two children together, and the book that we talked a little bit about is called <em>7 Traits of Effective Parenting<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There are parental influences, whether it be a grandparent or a co-parent in the other household, or a new stepparent in the new household. There are people who are influencing this child that is adding confusion to their world, and the child is acting out of all that confusion. Here we are: trying to shape, and mold, and come alongside and deal with consequences from the past, from the child\u2019s actions, or somebody else\u2019s actions. Man, it just can <em>feel<\/em> overwhelming at times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust right off the bat\u2014let\u2019s just deal with that\u2014\u201cWhat does a parent or stepparent do with that overwhelming feeling?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> You want to step back and figure out the real estate that you actually own in that as far as emotionally and in decisions that you make. That is so important to realize. I use this analogy, Ron, over and over again in my practice; it is the analogy of cities. We may talk about that a little later again; but it\u2019s the idea that a mom is her own city, and a dad is his own city, and they have been built over time. Each one has their own museum, their own history. Sometimes, we let people into our museum to know our past; and sometimes, we don\u2019t. Sometimes, we just don\u2019t want to have anyone know a certain part of the museum. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And then, we\u2019ve got certain parts of our city that people enter into\u2014rough parts; maybe, fun parts; maybe, some mundane\u2014but just creatively thinking of that. Then you have two spouses that, over time, built highways to one another and influenced one another. Then, all of a sudden, it is cut off; but at the same time, they are <em>still<\/em> influencing the little cities that are called their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen a new city comes in and does things different\u2014their culture is different; brand-new museum\u2014they are coming in and starting to build dirt roads to these kids, both ways; right? This is a blended family of these roads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Then you add extended family to that\u2014other cities that are influencing\u2014it becomes <em>very<\/em> overwhelming. A lot of times, there are disagreement between the two cities that used to be\u2014the parents\u2014of the original kids. Then you have still influence coming behind there; and you have a city that is divided\u2014which is the child\u2014so they start to act out in certain ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo owning your own real estate: \u201cHow can I love my child well?\u201d \u201cWhat do I have control over?\u201d\u2014and recognizing that my child, or my children, need me all-in, loving them and guiding them in a loving way to learn how to love both parents in an encouraging way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> If the bridge is out to one of the other major cities, we\u2019ve got to try to repair that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes; from a biblical perspective, that makes perfect sense. You build that, and it\u2019s healthy for the child. It may feel like you lose a little bit of love from your child; and maybe, you are wanting that control. You have to figure out in your own city: \u201cWhy are you needing so much of your child\u2019s love? Why is that? What is going on in your city that you are trying to repair, through your children, that you\u2019ve lost from your spouse potentially?\u201d That\u2019s where you need to go get the help you need; and surround yourself with people, who can help you repair within your city; so you\u2019re not relying so much on the input from your kids and not able to encourage their connectedness with a spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, there are certain situations\u2014right, Ron?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014where that other spouse is in a <em>really<\/em> bad spot. Then you don\u2019t necessarily want to encourage that connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDanny, one of the things I hear people do sometimes, when they talk about blended families, is talk about all the bad news; and they throw out stats, and they just leave the stats sitting there. I\u2019ve got to tell you: if you are a parent or a stepparent in that situation, you would feel hopeless. Now, this is true; but we are going to get <em>underneath<\/em> about <em>why<\/em> it is true. That\u2019s what is going to be important here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKids in blended families have higher rates of aggression, and depression, and behavioral problems; and do a little more poorly in school, academically, on the whole in general compared to kids growing up in a biological, nuclear family. We just leave that there as if to say, \u201cThis is all kids. This is why blended families are bad,\u201d\u2014you know, all those judgmental messages that come through\u2014that are inappropriate and <em>wrong<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe quality of the relationships in any home\u2014single parent home, biological home, adoptive family home, foster family home, blended family home\u2014the quality of relationships, at the end of the day, has more to do with why we see some of those things in children. It\u2019s not the structure of the home that is going to equal: \u201cWell, you are going to have a messed-up kid.\u201d I think that is an inappropriate use of those stats. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what I think is <em>more<\/em> important to do is to get underneath it and go, \u201cOkay, so sometimes, kids in blended families have a reason to be a little more depressed than the average teenage kid.\u201d And I think it is related to the kinds of hurt that they have experienced, the kinds of transition that has created some instability in their world in their life, a parent who is not as involved or engaged as a result of parental divorce for example, and just the sadness and the hurt that comes along with those changes\u2014transitions\u2014<em>unwanted<\/em> transitions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve got to get inside of that. I think it is easy for a stepparent, who is kind of new on the scene, to look at their spouse\u2019s kid, going, \u201cMan, you\u2019ve got a messed-up child right there.\u201d No, let\u2019s get underneath it: \u201cWhy is that kid hurting? What is going on? What\u2019s the backstory?\u201d and \u201cThen, what do we do with that?\u201d Okay, just react to that, Danny. Is that fitting? Is that a good place for us to start?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Oh, it is. I call those: \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moments; it wasn\u2019t designed that way. Think about: \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moments as parents, just a regular day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> You have a reactiveness to it. When you have a \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moment that is so big, it really creates a big reaction in a child\u2019s life when their life is lived off of emotions rather than experience. They don\u2019t have much experience to draw from, and they assume that life is <em>always<\/em> going to be this way. They think in terms of: \u201cI wonder if my parents are ever going to get back together. I <em>wish<\/em> they would get back together,\u201d \u201cI wonder if my dad still loves me, because he\u2019s gone,\u201d or \u201cI wonder if my mom still loves me.\u201d They are wondering these things, behind the scenes, and interpreting life from those questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> They are looking for data; they are looking for information to help them with all of this interpreting that is going on. On top of that, they have the other pressures, and they notice the kids that have things intact\u2014they don\u2019t necessarily compare themselves with kids that have similar situations\u2014they want that [intact family], but they usually notice how much better other people\u2019s lives are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey, unfortunately, don\u2019t get as much of the bids for connection responded to the parents. They\u2019ve bid for the connection; they are like, \u201cHey, pay attention to me; I\u2019m hurting.\u201d Over time, they have this helpless feeling that: \u201cYes, my mom\/she is sad. I don\u2019t want to upset her,\u201d or \u201cMy dad\/he is busy; I don\u2019t want to bug him.\u201d They don\u2019t see their emotions as that important. They step back, and they start to try to deal with it in their own world. \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moments start to pile up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately, some kids, Ron, the one thing you didn\u2019t mention there is that suicide rate is also higher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> They think, \u201cOkay, I don\u2019t have any hope. It\u2019s always going to be this way.\u201d Then they hop out, and the parents, afterwards, saying, \u201cI didn\u2019t see this coming,\u201d\u2014whether it be drugs or other things. It\u2019s because they were so involved in their own world that they <em>missed<\/em> what was happening in that child\u2019s world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re listening to a clip from our <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast with Ron Deal. Ron, you\u2019ve got something coming up that is pretty exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; you know, every year FamilyLife puts on the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> livestream event. People can attend from around the world. It\u2019s live in Houston, Texas. If you happen to live in that vicinity, we\u2019d love to have you join us Saturday, April 2, 2022; but you can livestream it from anywhere: to your home or to your church. Churches gather people together and livestream it so that they can experience the day together: worship and praise and talking about the practicalities of blended family living. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, the event is livestreamed into Spanish, again, this year; I\u2019m so excited about that. Literally, around the world, people will be tuning in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Dave and Ann, it\u2019s new every year. People ask me: \u201cIs it the same as last year?\u201d No, no, no\u2014new theme, new speakers, new subject matter\u2014and we\u2019re trying to give people practical information to strengthen their blended family, much like we\u2019re doing in this conversation with Danny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, Dave and I had the honor of being at a <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> conference. I have to tell you: we were so impressed\u2014not only by the speakers\/the communicators\u2014the authenticity\u2014but the practicality and how you guys make this doable in our homes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to sign up for that, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Bids for connection: for somebody, who is not familiar with that terminology, explain that a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes, a bid for connection is really what it sounds like\u2014somebody bidding for connection with you\/wanting a connection point with you\u2014so it could be a smile that could be a bid for connection; it could be a wave; it could be a tug. Our new daughter\u201413\u2014she has ADHD and some other things going on, and she\u2019ll come and just <em>stare<\/em> at you. [Laughter] That\u2019s a bid for connection, like, \u201cI am here! Can you pay attention to me?\u201d I have to literally stop, look at her, \u201cHey, what do you need from me right now?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019d love to meet that if I can,\u201d or \u201cHey, can you give me two minutes? I need to finish this, and then I\u2019ll be in with you. I know you want to connect; you want to talk about something, clearly; so let\u2019s talk.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a parent being aware enough; but I\u2019ve noticed a lot of parents lose appetite. They are trying to navigate a job\u2014a new job\u2014and many hours of work. They are tired; they are exhausted. Then they have the emotional reality of the other spouse, potentially, doing some things; and then trying to connect with new kids\/a new spouse. It\u2019s so much; they say, \u201cI miss those bids for connection. My child is giving me these hints, and I miss them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for you, it\u2019s: \u201cGive yourself grace, but pause and try to notice. Put pause buttons all over your house, and that will just remind you: \u201cOh, I need to look at my child\u2019s face,\u201d \u201cI need to look in their eyes,\u201d \u201cI need to visit their city; I can\u2019t just be focused on my own city. I\u2019ve got to go into their city and see what\u2019s going on.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Driving by and waving at the city is not the same as entering the city, and going into the park, and sitting down, and going, \u201cHey, what\u2019s going on?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and connecting with. No, that is so good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the other side of this, that parents need to understand, is that\u2014in the midst of the confusion, and transition, and change\u2014kids often, in my clinical experience, and I\u2019m curious what yours is as well\u2014kids of all ages: young, old, teenagers, even adults, recognize that: \u201cMom is under a lot of pressure,\u201d \u201cMom is trying to figure this stuff out: Mom has got stuff at work; COVID is still in the air,\u201d \u201cMom is trying to figure out how to be a stepmom to my stepsiblings now. I don\u2019t want to burden her; I don\u2019t want to bother her,\u201d <em>or<\/em> \u201cI\u2019m concerned that she is already irritated with me; I don\u2019t want to make it <em>worse<\/em>. So I don\u2019t really make overt, easy to understand bids for connection. I either do <em>nothing<\/em> and hide it, and just get isolated and feel more alone; <em>or<\/em> I do a bid for connection in anger\/something irritating.\u201d Do you see that in the kids you work with? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Oh, yes; or acting out. I mean, it can be in school, acting out. They don\u2019t know how to handle the fact that they are not able to bid for connection with somebody they love. Unfortunately, many teens\u2014their bids for connection go to other friends and other places over time\u2014and then a parent laments the fact they don\u2019t have a very good connection with their teen; but that is where the bid for connection now comes, from the parent. You have to be persistent and steadfast in that, and not give up; because you already experienced rejection in a spouse,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014potentially; right? That\u2019s not all blended families; but in the case\/that is a reality that some spouses are rejected. You may already experience those feelings of rejection, and then you are experiencing it with your teens or teen. Then you have to bid for connection, putting those fears of rejection aside because you are persistent, understanding that it is not personal. This child is just trying to find connectedness somewhere and stability; and maybe, he is finding it in friendships, which is totally normal\u2014normal developmental stage\u2014but you can really step in, intentionally, and have those bids with your child, planning some consistent things. Over time, your child will enjoy those; but you have to be patient with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think what we are saying here is both \u201cprevention\u201d and \u201cintervention.\u201d Prevention\u2014for those families, who are listening, going, \u201cWe don\u2019t really have a kid, who is acting out,\u201d\u2014but moving toward your child, seeing their bids for connection, creating opportunities to connect with them, even when they don\u2019t seem to be asking for it, <em>is<\/em> prevention because that is, at the end of the day, what our kids want <em>most<\/em> from us. They just want us sitting in the park with them, throwing the Frisbee<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014being in their city\u2014and being a part of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is also intervention for families, who do have a kid they are struggling with. It\u2019s always a good idea to move <em>toward<\/em> that child, emotionally\/physically. Sometimes, they\u2019ve got a stiff arm out, and they are really angry. They are not going to let you in, because of something that has happened; there is a repair that is needed. But in general, Danny, would you say this to someone, who is struggling with a child: \u201c<em>Always<\/em> look for the opportunities to move toward them\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes, yes; even when there is pushback\u2014rejection, drug use, withdrawal, when they are bragging about everything they can brag about\u2014they are, in their own different way and personality, they are looking and they desire, deep down\u2014that pursuit, that connection, that affirmation\u2014they are looking for a sense of belonging\/a sense of competence that: \u201cI\u2019m good at something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Just recognize that, as a parent: figure out what your own triggers are. If you feel a certain emotion toward your child that disconnects you from him, figure out where that is coming from and maybe talk with a friend about it, or process it\/journal about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour role is to visit that city consistently\u2014and go in, and ask questions, and have curiosity\u2014and say, \u201cI wonder what is going on in your thought bubbles. I\u2019m seeing all these other things. What\u2019s going on in your thought bubbles? I\u2019d love to see them. I can\u2019t see them; I have to rely on you telling me all about them. I\u2019m sure there are a lot of them you are not telling me, and I\u2019d love to hear about that whole thought world. Maybe, we can meet up at a train station. Our trains of thought can have a meeting somewhere. We can have an appointment; and at the train station of our trains of thought, we can meet up together. I\u2019d <em>love<\/em> to hear what is going on in your thought world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to Ron Deal interview Danny Huerta as they talk about, man, some really, really good stuff on the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Ron, Danny talked about these bids for connection that our children toss our way; but what keeps parents from hearing the bid and responding? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, that last comment he made was really about connecting: but it\u2019s when we <em>don\u2019t<\/em> hear the bid, where we don\u2019t connect with our kids. They are looking for time and energy from us, and it happens. Sometimes, it just happens; because, I don\u2019t know, we are busy and our minds our elsewhere. Our hearts are good, but we sort of <em>don\u2019t<\/em> hear it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut other times, it is because we are distracted. I think we all know one of the biggest distractions these days is technology\/our phones. There is a new term\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve heard\u2014technoference\u2014hey, it\u2019s a real thing. Sixty-five percent of moms admit that a device regularly or fairly often interrupts their play or their behavioral management with their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> My wife has said that is true in our marriage\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m shaking my head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014with my phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I hate to say it; but for kids, the new sibling they have a little rivalry with is our phones; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So we just don\u2019t hear when they walk in the room, and just sort of sit quietly, and look at us; that is a bid for connection. We just didn\u2019t catch it, because we were looking at our phone. We didn\u2019t quite understand when they sort of pause around a topic and have some emotion. Well, we didn\u2019t actually <em>see<\/em> the emotion, or see the little tear in the corner of their eye, or see them or hear them clearing their throat; because we are sort of distracted into something that we are involved in. It\u2019s like, \u201cYes, we\u2019ve got to discipline ourselves <em>so that<\/em> we don\u2019t miss those little opportunities to connect.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause here is the thing, Dave and Ann, if we repetitively miss those connections, our children hear a big message of: \u201cYou\u2019re not important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve better things to do than listen and be with you\/be in tuned with you.\u201d Now, that is not a message we want to send. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And they are going to go somewhere else to get that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> They need connection. They\u2019ll go find it somewhere else; we don\u2019t <em>want<\/em> that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Hey, you don\u2019t text and drive. I say, \u201cDon\u2019t text and parent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a word right there. We should put that above the door in our kitchen\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cDon\u2019t text and parent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast thing, Ron; what are we going to hear tomorrow from Danny?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, earlier, he talked about staying in control of ourselves when we feel disrespected\/when a child is doing things that really concern us. Well, tomorrow, Danny is going to get really practical about how we actually do that: \u201cHow do we calm down? How do we stay in control so we respond better?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Blending families is unique, but it is also a tremendous blessing. I come from a blended family myself, and I am really excited to tell you that the 2022 <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> livestream and live event is coming up this April 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. You can attend both: live at Houston\u2019s First in Houston, Texas; or you can stream it from anywhere in the world in both English or Spanish. Our speaker lineup this year are people like: Ron Deal, Cathy Lipp, Gayla Grace, Willie and Rachel Scott. For more information about the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> conference and livestream event, you can register at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife is the kind of ministry that wants to help you, not only in areas like blending, but also in your everyday life: what it means to pursue the relationships that matter most. We hear from you regularly about how important it is for resources like these\/conversations like these that help all of us think wisely, biblically, and compassionately on subjects like blending. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to the listeners who make these kinds of conversations possible for all of us: those of you, who are regular partners, who donate monthly to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and those of you who just make an occasional contribution. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to make a donation of any amount. When you do, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of <em>The Power to Bless<\/em> as a \u201cThank-you\u201d; or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d We look forward to hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of the FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or family member. Wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance the gospel effort of what we\u2019re doing in this ministry if you\u2019d scroll down and rate and review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Danny Huerta as he points us to the fact that the Holy Spirit can guide us, when we are reacting to our kids, how we can love them well in the context of disrespect and bad behavior. That\u2019s tomorrow. I hope you can be with us again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:58"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.52M"],"filesize_raw":["27804661"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307445.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307445.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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do you help a lost or angry child who battles against the family? Ron Deal speaks with psychologist Danny Huerta on troubled kids in a stepfamily.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Give yourself grace\u2014but pause and try to notice\u2014put pause buttons all over your house, and that will just remind you: \u201cOh, I just need to look at my child\u2019s face,\u201d \u201cI need to look in their eyes,\u201d \u201cI need to visit their city; I can\u2019t just be focused on my own city. I\u2019ve got to go into their city and see what is going on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife\u2014<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>\u2014Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t imagine what my stepmom was probably thinking of me when she married my dad; and now, she has a son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know me; I was <em>not<\/em> happy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You were not happy at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I wasn\u2019t happy about the arrangement. She was an <em>incredible<\/em> woman; but initially, I didn\u2019t want her in my life. It became a difficult transition for all of us. I think that\u2019s pretty common for most blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about that today. We\u2019ve got Ron Deal with us in the studio. Ron is the director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Ron, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s always great to be back with you guys. Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and so what you just heard me say is pretty common. I know you talk about this on your <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast, which is part of the FamilyLife network of podcasts. Is that pretty common? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Absolutely, it is. I mean, figuring out how you are going to work together and agree; and sometimes, you disagree. That was the topic of conversation that I had with Danny Huerta for the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the things I\u2019m thinking about is\u2014you may not be part of a blended family, at least in your home\u2014but you may be connected to somebody in your extended family who is. So listen for them\/for how you can encourage <em>them<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here is the other thing: the principles that we talked about with Danny, really, apply to all marriages and families. So many times, I was talking with Danny, and I was thinking, \u201cWow; Nan and I could have used this when our kids were younger.\u201d Feel free to apply the principles to your life and your circumstances. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to get to listen to your conversation. Tell us a little about Danny. I know he is with <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Danny is Vice President of Parenting and Youth at <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>. He oversees their initiatives to equip moms and dads with biblical principles for raising healthy, resilient children. He is a bilingual\u2014I should mention\u2014licensed, clinical social worker. He is a great guy, good friend; really enjoyed my time with him. He and Heather have two children together, and the book that we talked a little bit about is called <em>7 Traits of Effective Parenting<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There are parental influences, whether it be a grandparent or a co-parent in the other household, or a new stepparent in the new household. There are people who are influencing this child that is adding confusion to their world, and the child is acting out of all that confusion. Here we are: trying to shape, and mold, and come alongside and deal with consequences from the past, from the child\u2019s actions, or somebody else\u2019s actions. Man, it just can <em>feel<\/em> overwhelming at times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust right off the bat\u2014let\u2019s just deal with that\u2014\u201cWhat does a parent or stepparent do with that overwhelming feeling?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> You want to step back and figure out the real estate that you actually own in that as far as emotionally and in decisions that you make. That is so important to realize. I use this analogy, Ron, over and over again in my practice; it is the analogy of cities. We may talk about that a little later again; but it\u2019s the idea that a mom is her own city, and a dad is his own city, and they have been built over time. Each one has their own museum, their own history. Sometimes, we let people into our museum to know our past; and sometimes, we don\u2019t. Sometimes, we just don\u2019t want to have anyone know a certain part of the museum. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And then, we\u2019ve got certain parts of our city that people enter into\u2014rough parts; maybe, fun parts; maybe, some mundane\u2014but just creatively thinking of that. Then you have two spouses that, over time, built highways to one another and influenced one another. Then, all of a sudden, it is cut off; but at the same time, they are <em>still<\/em> influencing the little cities that are called their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen a new city comes in and does things different\u2014their culture is different; brand-new museum\u2014they are coming in and starting to build dirt roads to these kids, both ways; right? This is a blended family of these roads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Then you add extended family to that\u2014other cities that are influencing\u2014it becomes <em>very<\/em> overwhelming. A lot of times, there are disagreement between the two cities that used to be\u2014the parents\u2014of the original kids. Then you have still influence coming behind there; and you have a city that is divided\u2014which is the child\u2014so they start to act out in certain ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo owning your own real estate: \u201cHow can I love my child well?\u201d \u201cWhat do I have control over?\u201d\u2014and recognizing that my child, or my children, need me all-in, loving them and guiding them in a loving way to learn how to love both parents in an encouraging way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> If the bridge is out to one of the other major cities, we\u2019ve got to try to repair that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes; from a biblical perspective, that makes perfect sense. You build that, and it\u2019s healthy for the child. It may feel like you lose a little bit of love from your child; and maybe, you are wanting that control. You have to figure out in your own city: \u201cWhy are you needing so much of your child\u2019s love? Why is that? What is going on in your city that you are trying to repair, through your children, that you\u2019ve lost from your spouse potentially?\u201d That\u2019s where you need to go get the help you need; and surround yourself with people, who can help you repair within your city; so you\u2019re not relying so much on the input from your kids and not able to encourage their connectedness with a spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, there are certain situations\u2014right, Ron?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014where that other spouse is in a <em>really<\/em> bad spot. Then you don\u2019t necessarily want to encourage that connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDanny, one of the things I hear people do sometimes, when they talk about blended families, is talk about all the bad news; and they throw out stats, and they just leave the stats sitting there. I\u2019ve got to tell you: if you are a parent or a stepparent in that situation, you would feel hopeless. Now, this is true; but we are going to get <em>underneath<\/em> about <em>why<\/em> it is true. That\u2019s what is going to be important here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKids in blended families have higher rates of aggression, and depression, and behavioral problems; and do a little more poorly in school, academically, on the whole in general compared to kids growing up in a biological, nuclear family. We just leave that there as if to say, \u201cThis is all kids. This is why blended families are bad,\u201d\u2014you know, all those judgmental messages that come through\u2014that are inappropriate and <em>wrong<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe quality of the relationships in any home\u2014single parent home, biological home, adoptive family home, foster family home, blended family home\u2014the quality of relationships, at the end of the day, has more to do with why we see some of those things in children. It\u2019s not the structure of the home that is going to equal: \u201cWell, you are going to have a messed-up kid.\u201d I think that is an inappropriate use of those stats. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what I think is <em>more<\/em> important to do is to get underneath it and go, \u201cOkay, so sometimes, kids in blended families have a reason to be a little more depressed than the average teenage kid.\u201d And I think it is related to the kinds of hurt that they have experienced, the kinds of transition that has created some instability in their world in their life, a parent who is not as involved or engaged as a result of parental divorce for example, and just the sadness and the hurt that comes along with those changes\u2014transitions\u2014<em>unwanted<\/em> transitions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve got to get inside of that. I think it is easy for a stepparent, who is kind of new on the scene, to look at their spouse\u2019s kid, going, \u201cMan, you\u2019ve got a messed-up child right there.\u201d No, let\u2019s get underneath it: \u201cWhy is that kid hurting? What is going on? What\u2019s the backstory?\u201d and \u201cThen, what do we do with that?\u201d Okay, just react to that, Danny. Is that fitting? Is that a good place for us to start?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Oh, it is. I call those: \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moments; it wasn\u2019t designed that way. Think about: \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moments as parents, just a regular day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> You have a reactiveness to it. When you have a \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moment that is so big, it really creates a big reaction in a child\u2019s life when their life is lived off of emotions rather than experience. They don\u2019t have much experience to draw from, and they assume that life is <em>always<\/em> going to be this way. They think in terms of: \u201cI wonder if my parents are ever going to get back together. I <em>wish<\/em> they would get back together,\u201d \u201cI wonder if my dad still loves me, because he\u2019s gone,\u201d or \u201cI wonder if my mom still loves me.\u201d They are wondering these things, behind the scenes, and interpreting life from those questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> They are looking for data; they are looking for information to help them with all of this interpreting that is going on. On top of that, they have the other pressures, and they notice the kids that have things intact\u2014they don\u2019t necessarily compare themselves with kids that have similar situations\u2014they want that [intact family], but they usually notice how much better other people\u2019s lives are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey, unfortunately, don\u2019t get as much of the bids for connection responded to the parents. They\u2019ve bid for the connection; they are like, \u201cHey, pay attention to me; I\u2019m hurting.\u201d Over time, they have this helpless feeling that: \u201cYes, my mom\/she is sad. I don\u2019t want to upset her,\u201d or \u201cMy dad\/he is busy; I don\u2019t want to bug him.\u201d They don\u2019t see their emotions as that important. They step back, and they start to try to deal with it in their own world. \u201cThat wasn\u2019t supposed to happen\u201d moments start to pile up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately, some kids, Ron, the one thing you didn\u2019t mention there is that suicide rate is also higher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> They think, \u201cOkay, I don\u2019t have any hope. It\u2019s always going to be this way.\u201d Then they hop out, and the parents, afterwards, saying, \u201cI didn\u2019t see this coming,\u201d\u2014whether it be drugs or other things. It\u2019s because they were so involved in their own world that they <em>missed<\/em> what was happening in that child\u2019s world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re listening to a clip from our <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast with Ron Deal. Ron, you\u2019ve got something coming up that is pretty exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; you know, every year FamilyLife puts on the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> livestream event. People can attend from around the world. It\u2019s live in Houston, Texas. If you happen to live in that vicinity, we\u2019d love to have you join us Saturday, April 2, 2022; but you can livestream it from anywhere: to your home or to your church. Churches gather people together and livestream it so that they can experience the day together: worship and praise and talking about the practicalities of blended family living. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, the event is livestreamed into Spanish, again, this year; I\u2019m so excited about that. Literally, around the world, people will be tuning in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Dave and Ann, it\u2019s new every year. People ask me: \u201cIs it the same as last year?\u201d No, no, no\u2014new theme, new speakers, new subject matter\u2014and we\u2019re trying to give people practical information to strengthen their blended family, much like we\u2019re doing in this conversation with Danny. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, Dave and I had the honor of being at a <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> conference. I have to tell you: we were so impressed\u2014not only by the speakers\/the communicators\u2014the authenticity\u2014but the practicality and how you guys make this doable in our homes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to sign up for that, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview from <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Bids for connection: for somebody, who is not familiar with that terminology, explain that a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes, a bid for connection is really what it sounds like\u2014somebody bidding for connection with you\/wanting a connection point with you\u2014so it could be a smile that could be a bid for connection; it could be a wave; it could be a tug. Our new daughter\u201413\u2014she has ADHD and some other things going on, and she\u2019ll come and just <em>stare<\/em> at you. [Laughter] That\u2019s a bid for connection, like, \u201cI am here! Can you pay attention to me?\u201d I have to literally stop, look at her, \u201cHey, what do you need from me right now?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019d love to meet that if I can,\u201d or \u201cHey, can you give me two minutes? I need to finish this, and then I\u2019ll be in with you. I know you want to connect; you want to talk about something, clearly; so let\u2019s talk.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a parent being aware enough; but I\u2019ve noticed a lot of parents lose appetite. They are trying to navigate a job\u2014a new job\u2014and many hours of work. They are tired; they are exhausted. Then they have the emotional reality of the other spouse, potentially, doing some things; and then trying to connect with new kids\/a new spouse. It\u2019s so much; they say, \u201cI miss those bids for connection. My child is giving me these hints, and I miss them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for you, it\u2019s: \u201cGive yourself grace, but pause and try to notice. Put pause buttons all over your house, and that will just remind you: \u201cOh, I need to look at my child\u2019s face,\u201d \u201cI need to look in their eyes,\u201d \u201cI need to visit their city; I can\u2019t just be focused on my own city. I\u2019ve got to go into their city and see what\u2019s going on.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Driving by and waving at the city is not the same as entering the city, and going into the park, and sitting down, and going, \u201cHey, what\u2019s going on?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and connecting with. No, that is so good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the other side of this, that parents need to understand, is that\u2014in the midst of the confusion, and transition, and change\u2014kids often, in my clinical experience, and I\u2019m curious what yours is as well\u2014kids of all ages: young, old, teenagers, even adults, recognize that: \u201cMom is under a lot of pressure,\u201d \u201cMom is trying to figure this stuff out: Mom has got stuff at work; COVID is still in the air,\u201d \u201cMom is trying to figure out how to be a stepmom to my stepsiblings now. I don\u2019t want to burden her; I don\u2019t want to bother her,\u201d <em>or<\/em> \u201cI\u2019m concerned that she is already irritated with me; I don\u2019t want to make it <em>worse<\/em>. So I don\u2019t really make overt, easy to understand bids for connection. I either do <em>nothing<\/em> and hide it, and just get isolated and feel more alone; <em>or<\/em> I do a bid for connection in anger\/something irritating.\u201d Do you see that in the kids you work with? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Oh, yes; or acting out. I mean, it can be in school, acting out. They don\u2019t know how to handle the fact that they are not able to bid for connection with somebody they love. Unfortunately, many teens\u2014their bids for connection go to other friends and other places over time\u2014and then a parent laments the fact they don\u2019t have a very good connection with their teen; but that is where the bid for connection now comes, from the parent. You have to be persistent and steadfast in that, and not give up; because you already experienced rejection in a spouse,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> \u2014potentially; right? That\u2019s not all blended families; but in the case\/that is a reality that some spouses are rejected. You may already experience those feelings of rejection, and then you are experiencing it with your teens or teen. Then you have to bid for connection, putting those fears of rejection aside because you are persistent, understanding that it is not personal. This child is just trying to find connectedness somewhere and stability; and maybe, he is finding it in friendships, which is totally normal\u2014normal developmental stage\u2014but you can really step in, intentionally, and have those bids with your child, planning some consistent things. Over time, your child will enjoy those; but you have to be patient with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think what we are saying here is both \u201cprevention\u201d and \u201cintervention.\u201d Prevention\u2014for those families, who are listening, going, \u201cWe don\u2019t really have a kid, who is acting out,\u201d\u2014but moving toward your child, seeing their bids for connection, creating opportunities to connect with them, even when they don\u2019t seem to be asking for it, <em>is<\/em> prevention because that is, at the end of the day, what our kids want <em>most<\/em> from us. They just want us sitting in the park with them, throwing the Frisbee<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014being in their city\u2014and being a part of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is also intervention for families, who do have a kid they are struggling with. It\u2019s always a good idea to move <em>toward<\/em> that child, emotionally\/physically. Sometimes, they\u2019ve got a stiff arm out, and they are really angry. They are not going to let you in, because of something that has happened; there is a repair that is needed. But in general, Danny, would you say this to someone, who is struggling with a child: \u201c<em>Always<\/em> look for the opportunities to move toward them\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Yes, yes; even when there is pushback\u2014rejection, drug use, withdrawal, when they are bragging about everything they can brag about\u2014they are, in their own different way and personality, they are looking and they desire, deep down\u2014that pursuit, that connection, that affirmation\u2014they are looking for a sense of belonging\/a sense of competence that: \u201cI\u2019m good at something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong> Just recognize that, as a parent: figure out what your own triggers are. If you feel a certain emotion toward your child that disconnects you from him, figure out where that is coming from and maybe talk with a friend about it, or process it\/journal about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour role is to visit that city consistently\u2014and go in, and ask questions, and have curiosity\u2014and say, \u201cI wonder what is going on in your thought bubbles. I\u2019m seeing all these other things. What\u2019s going on in your thought bubbles? I\u2019d love to see them. I can\u2019t see them; I have to rely on you telling me all about them. I\u2019m sure there are a lot of them you are not telling me, and I\u2019d love to hear about that whole thought world. Maybe, we can meet up at a train station. Our trains of thought can have a meeting somewhere. We can have an appointment; and at the train station of our trains of thought, we can meet up together. I\u2019d <em>love<\/em> to hear what is going on in your thought world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to Ron Deal interview Danny Huerta as they talk about, man, some really, really good stuff on the <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em> podcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Ron, Danny talked about these bids for connection that our children toss our way; but what keeps parents from hearing the bid and responding? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, that last comment he made was really about connecting: but it\u2019s when we <em>don\u2019t<\/em> hear the bid, where we don\u2019t connect with our kids. They are looking for time and energy from us, and it happens. Sometimes, it just happens; because, I don\u2019t know, we are busy and our minds our elsewhere. Our hearts are good, but we sort of <em>don\u2019t<\/em> hear it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut other times, it is because we are distracted. I think we all know one of the biggest distractions these days is technology\/our phones. There is a new term\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve heard\u2014technoference\u2014hey, it\u2019s a real thing. Sixty-five percent of moms admit that a device regularly or fairly often interrupts their play or their behavioral management with their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> My wife has said that is true in our marriage\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m shaking my head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014with my phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I hate to say it; but for kids, the new sibling they have a little rivalry with is our phones; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So we just don\u2019t hear when they walk in the room, and just sort of sit quietly, and look at us; that is a bid for connection. We just didn\u2019t catch it, because we were looking at our phone. We didn\u2019t quite understand when they sort of pause around a topic and have some emotion. Well, we didn\u2019t actually <em>see<\/em> the emotion, or see the little tear in the corner of their eye, or see them or hear them clearing their throat; because we are sort of distracted into something that we are involved in. It\u2019s like, \u201cYes, we\u2019ve got to discipline ourselves <em>so that<\/em> we don\u2019t miss those little opportunities to connect.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause here is the thing, Dave and Ann, if we repetitively miss those connections, our children hear a big message of: \u201cYou\u2019re not important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve better things to do than listen and be with you\/be in tuned with you.\u201d Now, that is not a message we want to send. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And they are going to go somewhere else to get that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> They need connection. They\u2019ll go find it somewhere else; we don\u2019t <em>want<\/em> that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Hey, you don\u2019t text and drive. I say, \u201cDon\u2019t text and parent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a word right there. We should put that above the door in our kitchen\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cDon\u2019t text and parent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast thing, Ron; what are we going to hear tomorrow from Danny?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, earlier, he talked about staying in control of ourselves when we feel disrespected\/when a child is doing things that really concern us. Well, tomorrow, Danny is going to get really practical about how we actually do that: \u201cHow do we calm down? How do we stay in control so we respond better?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Blending families is unique, but it is also a tremendous blessing. I come from a blended family myself, and I am really excited to tell you that the 2022 <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> livestream and live event is coming up this April 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. You can attend both: live at Houston\u2019s First in Houston, Texas; or you can stream it from anywhere in the world in both English or Spanish. Our speaker lineup this year are people like: Ron Deal, Cathy Lipp, Gayla Grace, Willie and Rachel Scott. For more information about the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> conference and livestream event, you can register at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife is the kind of ministry that wants to help you, not only in areas like blending, but also in your everyday life: what it means to pursue the relationships that matter most. We hear from you regularly about how important it is for resources like these\/conversations like these that help all of us think wisely, biblically, and compassionately on subjects like blending. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to the listeners who make these kinds of conversations possible for all of us: those of you, who are regular partners, who donate monthly to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and those of you who just make an occasional contribution. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to make a donation of any amount. When you do, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of <em>The Power to Bless<\/em> as a \u201cThank-you\u201d; or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d We look forward to hearing from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of the FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or family member. Wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance the gospel effort of what we\u2019re doing in this ministry if you\u2019d scroll down and rate and review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from Danny Huerta as he points us to the fact that the Holy Spirit can guide us, when we are reacting to our kids, how we can love them well in the context of disrespect and bad behavior. That\u2019s tomorrow. I hope you can be with us again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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