{"id":307438,"date":"2022-03-16T08:02:09","date_gmt":"2022-03-16T12:02:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-intentional-father-raising-men\/"},"modified":"2022-03-16T08:02:09","modified_gmt":"2022-03-16T12:02:09","slug":"the-intentional-father-raising-men","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-intentional-father-raising-men\/","title":{"rendered":"The Intentional Father&#8211;Raising Men"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You want to raise sons who know what they believe, who they are, what they stand for. Author Jon Tyson helps fathers, grandfathers &#038; mentors lead the way.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.<br \/>\n \tFind more content and resources on the FamilyLife&#8217;s app!<br \/>\n \tHelp others find Familylife.\u00a0 Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all the Familylife&#8217;s on the FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You want to raise sons who know what they believe, who they are, what they stand for. Author Jon Tyson helps fathers, grandfathers &amp; mentors lead the way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:56","filesize":"22.82M","filesize_raw":"23933492","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[7053],"podcast_series":[8512],"cwp_profile":[9763],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307438","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","tag-raising-men","podcast_series-jon-tyson-the-intentional-father","cwp_profile-jon-tyson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307438\/the-intentional-father-raising-men","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307438\/the-intentional-father-raising-men","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"SzotbSDqQN\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-intentional-father-raising-men\/\">The Intentional Father&#8211;Raising Men<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-intentional-father-raising-men\/embed\/#?secret=SzotbSDqQN\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Intentional Father&#8211;Raising Men&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"SzotbSDqQN\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> How can we be at this point in church history, 2000 years in, and this is not a normal part of the evangelical tradition? Why is it that it\u2019s so rare to meet a son that says, \u201cMy father raised me into a man. He did a <em>great<\/em> job, and I\u2019m a healthy functional adult because of it\u201d? Why is that an exception, not the norm? I don\u2019t know why there\u2019s not some sort of great tradition that is handed down, even inside the church. Why does it feel like every generation has to rediscover this? Why do we always feel like we are starting at zero\/like the conversation is back at the ground floor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou grew up without a dad in your home or really influencing your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Are you telling me something I don\u2019t know? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No, I\u2019m asking a question: \u201cDid that make you sad or mad, growing up? What did it feel like?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, both: extremely sad. I can remember [lying] in bed at night as a 12\/13 year old boy, praying to a God I didn\u2019t believe in, \u201cWhy\u2019d you take my dad?\u201d I mean, he didn\u2019t die; he left. But I sort of wanted to blame God for him not being there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen as I got older, mad, like, \u201cWhy did you leave?\u201d and felt like I really, really missed something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s been interesting for me to watch you, as a dad, because that was always in your head, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The thing that shocked me that I didn\u2019t understand until later was the <em>power<\/em> of a father. I sort of thought, because I didn\u2019t have a dad, I wouldn\u2019t copy my dad. Then, as I became a young man, and even when we got married, I was like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I am doing things that I never even saw my dad do because he wasn\u2019t there, but I know he did.\u201d It was like, \u201cWow, the <em>power<\/em> of a father is <em>powerful<\/em>. Now, I\u2019m a dad.\u201d I realized: \u201cI am going to impact my boys in a way I don\u2019t even understand,\u201d so I wanted to do it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you feel like we\u2019re in a culture today that men need help in this area? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve always needed help, but more than ever; and we\u2019ve got help in the studio today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m excited.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we have Jon Tyson, who\u2019s a father, and a pastor, and an author. I mean, as I read your book, it feels like you have a visceral emotional feeling about fatherhood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJon, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having me on the show. Yes, I do; I have a father\u2019s heart. I think that comes from just the wonder of having kids. Yes, some of my own brokenness; and certainly, as a pastor over the years, just watching thousands of men deal with father issues; it\u2019s like: \u201cThis is a <em>huge<\/em> need; we\u2019ve got to talk about it; we\u2019ve got to do something about it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and our listeners probably are like, \u201cThis dude has an accent. Where\u2019s that come from?\u201d Tell us a little bit of your story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Okay, I grew up in Australia. I was born in Melbourne, lived in Perth for eight years, and then basically came of age in a city called Adelaide. It\u2019s sort of like the Napa Valley of Australia; it\u2019s famous really for wines is probably the most famous thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI became a Christian the weekend I turned 17 in a Pentecostal youth revival; felt a call to come to the US and serve God that felt like some sort of missionary call, very weird. I told my youth pastor; I remember him saying, \u201cWhy would God send you to America? It\u2019s <em>filled<\/em> with Christians.\u201d When I was 20, I got a scholarship to study theology and moved over; met my wife doing the campus orientation tour. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear this is a show you can be honest with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What do you mean? Yes, tell us that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been married 23 years: 2 years of a total hell escape\u20142 very hard years\u2014and then the rest of them absolutely wonderful years. [Laughter] It\u2019s kind of like 19 good years out of 23 is not bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I heard she said, \u201c15 out of 23\u201d; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> We are still working on communication, so that could be true. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, saw her and just remember thinking, \u201cFocusing in Bible college will be harder than I anticipated\u201d; [Laughter] then fell in love and got married. We were both a little older. She had lived on her own; I had lived on my own. I\u2019d bought a house when I was 19\u2014it\u2019s a long story\u2014I dropped out of high school when I was 16 to work. I had a very visionary boss, who had this life plan for me\u2014I became a Christian in the middle of his plan for my life\u2014but it was basically about getting ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were older students; I think we bonded around that. We didn\u2019t want to have a typical freshman experience. We weren\u2019t trying to get away from our parents; we were trying to get on with our lives\u2014connected\u2014got married pretty close to right away, and then had kids right away. And we\u2019ve been at it ever since. We moved to New York 16 years ago to plant a church. I\u2019ve been pastoring in Manhattan that entire time, including through the pandemic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we recently have become empty nesters. My son\u2019s 21; my daughter\u2019s 18. I\u2019m here to talk about that process of raising my son, in particular, and some of the things I learned as a part of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk about your relationship with <em>your<\/em> dad. Why is this a passion for you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> My dad is\u2014in the book, I talk about five kinds of fathers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, we read it, and it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s inspiring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I read Robert Lewis\u2019s <em>Raising a Modern-Day Knight<\/em> when I was a young dad, and it really gave me a pathway to raise my sons. I feel like this is just as powerful in a new day. I mean, seriously, I was telling Ann when I was reading it\/I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know anybody writing like this.\u201d Jon, this was not only inspirational but a very hands-on: \u201cHere\u2019s a pathway to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014practical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The title is called <em>The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character<\/em>. I don\u2019t even know what question we asked you about it. I want to ask you this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> You asked me about my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, okay; go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> My dad is a good and godly man. My dad is a quiet man; he\u2019s a prayerful man. I remember, at the start of the book, it\u2019s like: \u201cTo my father, Ian Tyson, whose prayers have carried me this far.\u201d That is true; my dad prays for me every day. He prayed me out of rebellion\u2014he prayed me home\u2014went after me in prayer and fasting in my rebellious years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy grandfather was a very accomplished missionary in India, had an incredibly supernatural ministry; could see the spiritual realm for the rest of his life. He was very, very interesting to be around. He lived with us in our later years. He was an old-school British missionary, which meant he was <em>amazing<\/em> at missions and <em>terrible <\/em>at fatherhood\u2014dump your kids in a boarding school\u2014\u201cIf you love your family more than Me, you are not worthy of Me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad grew up in India\u2014developed a condition where he would sleep walk at night, trying to find his family\u2014they would find him walking around. What\u2019s going on in your head, as a kid, if you\u2019re doing that in your dreams? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to honor my grandfather\u2019s legacy, which in many ways was like there\u2019s thousands, at this point, probably hundreds of thousands of people in the kingdom of God because of his work. But he had a <em>massive flaw<\/em>, which is he was a <em>terrible<\/em> father. He didn\u2019t give my dad what my dad needed. My dad never got a sex talk; never got a talk about money; never got any practical advice about how to grow up. His brothers tried to fill in those gaps, and I think they did a pretty clumsy job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad was resolved to do better than his dad, and my dad did <em>so much better<\/em> than his dad. But there was still some stuff he didn\u2019t have; he didn\u2019t have some of the tools he needed, particularly for a kid like me. I was a handful, growing up. My dad did everything he knew, and there was some stuff I needed that he didn\u2019t know how to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it came to me being a father, I was like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got to try and break some generational stuff off of here. I don\u2019t want to react; I\u2019ve got to figure out a way how to do this.\u201d It started me on a <em>huge<\/em> journey of reading and interviewing men to try and understand: \u201cHow do you get this right?\u201d One of the things I learned, reading all of this stuff was quite simple\u2014there was almost no books about: \u201cHere\u2019s how to do it,\u201d\u2014there was <em>dozens<\/em> of books on wounded men, seeking healing, and very few that were like: \u201cHere\u2019s how to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when I did read those books, \u201cHere\u2019s how to do it,\u201d I was like, \u201cThis is not enough!\u201d\u2014like a camping trip and a few talks is a thousand times better than what most kids get\u2014but it\u2019s not enough. You\u2019ve got, particularly during adolescence, six-plus years with these kids. You\u2019re going to have to have a plan for every day and every week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFormation happens in big break-through events, but it happens in the everyday moments. I basically realized\u2014which actually <em>stunned<\/em> me\u2014I was like, \u201cHow can we be at this point in church history, 2000 years in, and this is not a <em>normal<\/em> part of the evangelical tradition? Why is it that it\u2019s so rare to meet a son that says, \u201cMy father raised me into a man. He did a <em>great<\/em> job, and I\u2019m a healthy functional adult because of it\u201d? Why is that an exception, not the norm?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was saddened to have to write this book. I was <em>shocked<\/em> that there wasn\u2019t like 20 options like this; I would have just used them. I felt like, \u201cMan, I\u2019ve got to sort of\u2026\u201d\u2014one of my gifts is reading widely, synthesizing it, and then turning it into tools\u2014I felt like, \u201cI think I need to do this.\u201d That\u2019s some of my backstory and some of what informed the writing of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave, I feel like, for <em>you<\/em>, you <em>knew<\/em>\u2014and maybe this is true of a lot of men\u2014and like your dad, Jon\/he knew how to build God\u2019s kingdom. And as for you, Dave, I think a lot of men, you knew how to build a career\u2014but when it came to: \u201cHow do you build a family when I\u2019ve never seen it done?\u201d\u2014I think that\u2019s a hard lesson to learn, and most men <em>don\u2019t<\/em> have any idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t know what percentage\u2014maybe you do, Jon\u2014would be in that category. But I was definitely that guy\u2014I didn\u2019t have a dad\u2014obviously, so I didn\u2019t know what it looked like; I didn\u2019t have a Christian background. Then, when I got married, I was like: \u201cWhat is a Christian man?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s a Christian husband?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s a Christian dad?\u201d \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We, as wives, have all kinds of expectations. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; Ann told me everything I needed to know every day\/every hour: [Laughter] \u201cHere\u2019s what you need to do\u2026Why aren\u2019t you doing it?\u201d I mean, we got\u2014I\u2019m not kidding\u2014in some ways, that\u2019s what she did. You know, as a man, sometimes you just push away from that rather than receiving it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did what you did; I started asking men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I want to acknowledge that I think there\u2019s a lot of pain in men\u2019s hearts that gets glossed over: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u00a0They\u2019re not willing to be vulnerable with it; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u00a0Our culture doesn\u2019t respect men; and oftentimes, for good reason. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol><p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you talk to most men, and below the surface\u2014I mean, Thoreau said, \u201cMost men live lives of quiet desperation,\u201d\u2014that continues to be true; there\u2019s a <em>lot<\/em> of pain under the surface. When you peel back the roof, you often get a lot of dads, who are just like, \u201cI don\u2019t know how to do it, and I feel like I\u2019m getting nagged on this. If I knew how to do it, I\u2019d do it. This is not a will issue; I would do this if I knew how to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere can be a lot of shame when you know you should be doing something that you don\u2019t know how to do; and you want to do it, but you don\u2019t know how to get the help. You\u2019re just scrambling, and you know the stakes are so high. It\u2019s a high-pressure environment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014I recently did a message to men\u2014and I made this comment; it\u2019s exactly what you said, Jon. I said, \u201cMen have LATS,\u201d and I go, \u201cYou think I\u2019m talking about these big abs I have under my pecs. I\u2019m talking L-A-T-S: They\u2019re \u2018Lonely\u2019; they\u2019re \u2018Angry\u2019; they\u2019re \u2018Tired\u2019; they\u2019re \u2018Stressed.\u2019\u201d I started talking about the loneliness of us men; we say we have friends, but we really don\u2019t. There\u2019s a sense of anger, because we\u2019re carrying so much stuff; nobody seems to know. We\u2019re tired\u2014you know, whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had more response of people reaching out and saying, \u201cCan we talk about that LATS thing?\u201d; because it resonated with men in the room. What you just said is like we do feel this sense of: \u201cI\u2019m supposed to be the man; I\u2019m supposed to be this dad\/this husband; I don\u2019t know what that looks like.\u201d Is that what you found? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s\/I don\u2019t know why there\u2019s not some sort of <em>great<\/em> tradition that is handed down, even inside the church. It is like: \u201cWhy does it feel like every generation has to rediscover this? Why do we always feel like we are starting at zero?\u2014like the conversation is back at the ground floor?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s probably part of the enemy\u2019s plan, to be honest with you\u2014which is to not build generational influence and impact\u2014make every generation start at zero, so there\u2019s nothing to carry over. I think that\u2019s probably a huge part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think even increasingly\u2014I don\u2019t know if you saw the latest articles\u2014there\u2019s one about how China raised men vs how the US is raising men that\u2019s getting a ton of attention. The other one on young men being lost in college, like we\u2019re moving into a world that is <em>not<\/em> designed for men in many ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be very clear here. I\u2019m not talking like, \u201cPoor men; oh, poor men.\u201d I want to acknowledge the very real pastoral pain that is under all of the cultural issues that we banter around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think almost every church is scrambling to do men\u2019s ministry right. It just feels perpetually\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve experienced this\u2014like the curriculum\u2019s out of date. I\u2019ve never found anyone, who says, \u201cThe curriculum\u2019s right on! We\u2019ve got it.\u201d It\u2019s always like: \u201cIt\u2019s dated,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s dated.\u201d I don\u2019t know what it is; I honestly think it\u2019s probably the enemy\u2019s plan. I\u2019m glad we\u2019re able to re-up one more time, so we can address these things and, hopefully, build some generational legacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about where you started. You\u2019ve got a son; you\u2019re trying to be this intentional dad. Define where you started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I mean, it honestly started\u2014we were living in Dallas\u2014and I was coming back\u2014this is a shared moment every father has\u2014coming back from the doctor with a: \u201cDo you want to know the gender of your kid?\u201d I was like, \u201cYes.\u201d They said, \u201cIt\u2019s a boy,\u201d and I just remember going, \u201cI don\u2019t think I have what it takes. I don\u2019t know how to get this kid into adulthood.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was a youth pastor at the time, as well; so I was very, very aware of the brokenness of some of the kids in the youth group. We picked these kids up in our minivan, and I saw what absentee fatherhood and what poor parenting did. I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2014I want to do better.\u201d It started with a deep sense of resolve, but I felt completely overwhelmed. But I think the journey began there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say this book is for one particular kind of dad\u2014here\u2019s what it is\u2014\u201cIf you are overwhelmed, but determined, this is your book. If you\u2019re doing great, God bless you; keep going. But if you\u2019re not determined, it will be too hard for you; because there\u2019s a <em>real<\/em> task at hand. But if you\u2019re determined and overwhelmed, I have written this book for you. You want to get it right; you\u2019re like, \u2018I\u2019ll do whatever it takes,\u2019 I\u2019ve got a plan and a path to help with that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, that was birthed in my heart. I think\u2014one of the things I read, and this was an old Stephen Covey thing that was maybe the one thing I got right for both of my kids\u2014I remember Covey saying, \u201cYou need to give each of your kids one night a week, and it needs to be their time; they set the agenda.\u201d I did that with both of my kids, fairly consistently, their entire lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople talk about having like date night. I was like, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to have time with your kids like that.\u201d The whole goal was to develop this sacred bond. I felt like, \u201cAs long as I have an emotional relational attachment, we\u2019ll be able to process and get through everything.\u201d I worked <em>so hard<\/em> for so many years to build that willingness for my son to spend time with me. A lot of people say, \u201cHow do I get a 13-year-old son to enter into a multi-year, male formation journey?\u201d I was like: \u201cI used to take my son to Waffle House in a car carrier. Then when he was one, we\u2019d go; when he was two\u2026so we just kept that tradition in our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book is not a promise that everything will work out fine. My son went through some <em>very hard<\/em> times: \u201cDad, I don\u2019t want to be a Christian. I don\u2019t think following Jesus is worth it.\u201d But I had that relational connection to say, \u201cThanks for sharing that with me. Let\u2019s talk about that. What about following Jesus is not worth it?\u201d On the surface, I looked probably pretty calm; and then I left the room and wept\u2014[Laughter]\u2014and started a 40-day fast\u2014and was like, \u201cGod, I call forth my son\u2019s destiny!\u201d Super intense behind the scenes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I developed a bond that enabled it to work. That was, I think, the one thing I <em>knew<\/em>: \u201cIf this is in place, I can probably handle <em>anything<\/em> as long as I maintain this.\u201d Yes, that sort of started when he was born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019ve raised a son and daughter. Is it different? This book is for fathers and sons, but is it different with a girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Yes, it is. My wife pulled me aside in the early days. I originally called this \u201cThe Primal Path\u201d\u2014that was what I called this thing with my son\u2014people were like, \u201cOh, that sounds like you want to eat meat and take your shirt off.\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cYou know I don\u2019t know how to tell you this: 13-year-old boys are not motivated by a sophisticated adult language. They want to feel like it\u2019s got some energy to it, so it\u2019s called The Primal Path. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife pulled me aside and said, \u201cYou know that a lot of this stuff is true for women too. I said, \u201cThe number-one way to de-motivate a young man is tell him: \u2018This is generic, universal wisdom. You\u2019re not special; this is just stuff that girls know too.\u2019\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s not the point; it\u2019s the <em>framing<\/em> of it that\u2019s important.\u201d A lot of this stuff is just like helping adolescents move into adulthood in a healthy way. But there is definitely some things that are specific for men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Although I know it\u2019s a different conversation\u2014but you\u2019re doing a similar, but different, thing with your daughter\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s really interesting\u2014this, I did with my son\u2014I did it for six years. People said, \u201cThat\u2019s so long.\u201d I was like, \u201cBut I had him the whole time. Do you want me to do a year and then give up on him and then wing it for five years?\u201d I was like, \u201cI just worked with the time I had.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter\u2014I had a wonderful relationship with my daughter\u2014but she had a very different personality. She\u2019s <em>very<\/em> driven, very conscientious, very internally motivated. To be honest with you, my wife did a version of this with my daughter. If she turns that into a thing or not, I don\u2019t know; that\u2019s up to her. That\u2019s not\/she doesn\u2019t feel called to it like I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I knew I\u2019ve got to play a significant role in discipling my daughter, so I did a one-year intensive. That was like: \u201cThe 50 things you\u2019ve got to have this in your heart before you leave our house.\u201d We did a lot of this stuff, but it was in a compressed time frame; but in some ways, it was more intense. At some point, I\u2019ll put that out. But what my daughter wanted from me was very different than what my son wanted from me. Again, my wife played a major role in discipling my daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Go back\u2014you mentioned the five kinds of fathers\u2014go back and tell us what those are real quick. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> A lot of this was just like observation; a lot of it primarily in my pastoring. There\u2019s five kinds of fathers. They all start with \u201cI\u201d<u>\u00ad<\/u>because I\u2019m a pastor; and if they don\u2019t illiterate, it\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you doing with that?\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work; make it memorable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first father is like an \u201c<em>Irresponsible father<\/em>.\u201d This is a dad, who just bales\u2014does not accept the sacred responsibility of bringing someone into the world, made in the image of God, who relies on them for a sense of purpose and identity\u2014just bales. We obviously know\u2014statistically, personally, sociologically\u2014the amount of damage that had: an absent dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not talking about \u201c<em>Ignorant dads<\/em>.\u201d These are dads who don\u2019t know what they\u2019re doing, and they don\u2019t really want to know. They just prescribe: \u201cWell, when I was your age\u2026,\u201d and \u201cYou should just figure this out.\u201d They have no empathy\/no emotional connection. They don\u2019t understand the goal of fatherhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you get \u201c<em>Inconsistent dads<\/em>.\u201d These are dads who are torn, often, with either personal brokenness or ambition. They\u2019re in or out, but they\u2019re not fully committed to the task of fatherhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know who Anthony Bourdain is?\u2014the famous chef\u2014he was in New York; he was a big deal there. I watched the documentary about the end of his life, trying to ask the question: \u201cWhy did he commit suicide?\u201d One of the things was in there\u2014he had his daughter later in life in a second marriage\u2014and he wanted to be such an ideal dad that he couldn\u2019t sustain it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was traveling so much\/so driven to make his own TV show, he got into this cycle of dysfunction of like, \u201cIf I can\u2019t be the perfect dad, I\u2019m going to be a disappointment; so I\u2019ll withdraw. But now, I\u2019m withdrawing and traveling. I love this, but I feel guilty,\u201d\u2014did a lot of damage, just like a torn heart in parenting. That\u2019s the inconsistent dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you\u2019ve got \u201c<em>Involved dads<\/em>.\u201d This is like your typical, good American dad. It\u2019s like doing the sex talk; going to the game; just handing out, with good intent, generic Christian wisdom and worldview. If you\u2019ve had a good dad, you know it can change your life\/accelerate your call; it\u2019s an extraordinary thing. My dad was an involved dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut an \u201c<em>Intentional dad<\/em>\u201d goes one step further; and they ask this: \u201cWho is the kid that God has given me?\u201d \u201cWhat is the key to their heart?\u201d And it\u2019s beyond general wisdom and worldview. I\u2019ll give you an example: my whole life, I\u2019ve had the equivalent of a dominant personality\/outgoing leader. But my entire life, I\u2019ve struggled with insecurity, not pride. I\u2019m a <em>reluctant<\/em> leader; I\u2019m the guy you drag to the mike and not the guy you fight to get it from my hand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was super-gifted as a kid, athletics and academics, so my dad\u2019s advice to me always was like: \u201cDon\u2019t be arrogant,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t be arrogant,\u201d \u201cGod is opposed to the proud; don\u2019t be arrogant.\u201d That\u2019s true. But if he\u2019d known my heart, which is a heart of insecurity, he would have always said to me: \u201cHave courage; never fail to step up,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cLevel up; you\u2019re <em>needed<\/em>; your gifts are welcome.\u201d He would have actually said the <em>opposite<\/em> thing. The general wisdom was <em>true<\/em>, based on a surface observation; and it was good generic parenting; but he didn\u2019t understand the key to my heart, which is like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to inspire confidence in my son, not deal with a pride issue.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe intentional father asks the question: \u201cWhat is the key to my son\u2019s heart? How do I get it and, then, how do I develop him out of that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s my vision: is to help dads. My guess is like listening to\/like your audience: \u201cIf you\u2019re listening to a show about this, you\u2019re probably an involved parent. My goal is to just help push and inspire that to the next level. Because I think the joy of being understood, as a young man, by your father is one of the greatest gifts you can have. I want to see that normalized in our world today.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Intentionality is a word that gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles, and it\u2019s kind of easy to apply in a lot of areas of our life. But sometimes, when it comes to parenting our kids, we\u2019re not super intentional. We actually just try to run a play book; and we\u2019re not tailor-making, with intentionality, our parenting to our specific kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJon Tyson has been talking with Dave and Ann Wilson. He\u2019s written a book called <em>The Intentional Father<\/em>. In this book, he lays out a clear path for fathers and sons that includes very specific activities, rites of passage, and significant marking moments that can be customized to fit any family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book is so important, and it is going to be our gift to you with any donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. If you log onto FamilyLifeToday.com, and make a donation of any amount, we are going to send you a copy of Jon Tyson\u2019s, <em>The Intentional Father<\/em>, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your gift to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d Again, you can log online, or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking, again, with Jon Tyson about the power that you have over your family as a dad; and how it\u2019s important that we don\u2019t carry those bad habits and wounds that we have from our childhood into the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any FamilyLife programs, have been helpful for you, we\u2019d like you to share today\u2019s podcast; rate and review it as well. That really helps to advance the gospel effort of what we are doing here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:24:56"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.82M"],"filesize_raw":["23933492"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307438.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307438.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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want to raise sons who know what they believe, who they are, what they stand for. Author Jon Tyson helps fathers, grandfathers &amp; mentors lead the way.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> How can we be at this point in church history, 2000 years in, and this is not a normal part of the evangelical tradition? Why is it that it\u2019s so rare to meet a son that says, \u201cMy father raised me into a man. He did a <em>great<\/em> job, and I\u2019m a healthy functional adult because of it\u201d? Why is that an exception, not the norm? I don\u2019t know why there\u2019s not some sort of great tradition that is handed down, even inside the church. Why does it feel like every generation has to rediscover this? Why do we always feel like we are starting at zero\/like the conversation is back at the ground floor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou grew up without a dad in your home or really influencing your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Are you telling me something I don\u2019t know? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No, I\u2019m asking a question: \u201cDid that make you sad or mad, growing up? What did it feel like?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, both: extremely sad. I can remember [lying] in bed at night as a 12\/13 year old boy, praying to a God I didn\u2019t believe in, \u201cWhy\u2019d you take my dad?\u201d I mean, he didn\u2019t die; he left. But I sort of wanted to blame God for him not being there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen as I got older, mad, like, \u201cWhy did you leave?\u201d and felt like I really, really missed something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s been interesting for me to watch you, as a dad, because that was always in your head, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The thing that shocked me that I didn\u2019t understand until later was the <em>power<\/em> of a father. I sort of thought, because I didn\u2019t have a dad, I wouldn\u2019t copy my dad. Then, as I became a young man, and even when we got married, I was like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I am doing things that I never even saw my dad do because he wasn\u2019t there, but I know he did.\u201d It was like, \u201cWow, the <em>power<\/em> of a father is <em>powerful<\/em>. Now, I\u2019m a dad.\u201d I realized: \u201cI am going to impact my boys in a way I don\u2019t even understand,\u201d so I wanted to do it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you feel like we\u2019re in a culture today that men need help in this area? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve always needed help, but more than ever; and we\u2019ve got help in the studio today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m excited.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we have Jon Tyson, who\u2019s a father, and a pastor, and an author. I mean, as I read your book, it feels like you have a visceral emotional feeling about fatherhood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJon, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Thank you so much for having me on the show. Yes, I do; I have a father\u2019s heart. I think that comes from just the wonder of having kids. Yes, some of my own brokenness; and certainly, as a pastor over the years, just watching thousands of men deal with father issues; it\u2019s like: \u201cThis is a <em>huge<\/em> need; we\u2019ve got to talk about it; we\u2019ve got to do something about it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and our listeners probably are like, \u201cThis dude has an accent. Where\u2019s that come from?\u201d Tell us a little bit of your story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Okay, I grew up in Australia. I was born in Melbourne, lived in Perth for eight years, and then basically came of age in a city called Adelaide. It\u2019s sort of like the Napa Valley of Australia; it\u2019s famous really for wines is probably the most famous thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI became a Christian the weekend I turned 17 in a Pentecostal youth revival; felt a call to come to the US and serve God that felt like some sort of missionary call, very weird. I told my youth pastor; I remember him saying, \u201cWhy would God send you to America? It\u2019s <em>filled<\/em> with Christians.\u201d When I was 20, I got a scholarship to study theology and moved over; met my wife doing the campus orientation tour. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear this is a show you can be honest with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What do you mean? Yes, tell us that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been married 23 years: 2 years of a total hell escape\u20142 very hard years\u2014and then the rest of them absolutely wonderful years. [Laughter] It\u2019s kind of like 19 good years out of 23 is not bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I heard she said, \u201c15 out of 23\u201d; so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> We are still working on communication, so that could be true. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, saw her and just remember thinking, \u201cFocusing in Bible college will be harder than I anticipated\u201d; [Laughter] then fell in love and got married. We were both a little older. She had lived on her own; I had lived on my own. I\u2019d bought a house when I was 19\u2014it\u2019s a long story\u2014I dropped out of high school when I was 16 to work. I had a very visionary boss, who had this life plan for me\u2014I became a Christian in the middle of his plan for my life\u2014but it was basically about getting ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were older students; I think we bonded around that. We didn\u2019t want to have a typical freshman experience. We weren\u2019t trying to get away from our parents; we were trying to get on with our lives\u2014connected\u2014got married pretty close to right away, and then had kids right away. And we\u2019ve been at it ever since. We moved to New York 16 years ago to plant a church. I\u2019ve been pastoring in Manhattan that entire time, including through the pandemic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we recently have become empty nesters. My son\u2019s 21; my daughter\u2019s 18. I\u2019m here to talk about that process of raising my son, in particular, and some of the things I learned as a part of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk about your relationship with <em>your<\/em> dad. Why is this a passion for you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> My dad is\u2014in the book, I talk about five kinds of fathers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, we read it, and it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s inspiring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I read Robert Lewis\u2019s <em>Raising a Modern-Day Knight<\/em> when I was a young dad, and it really gave me a pathway to raise my sons. I feel like this is just as powerful in a new day. I mean, seriously, I was telling Ann when I was reading it\/I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know anybody writing like this.\u201d Jon, this was not only inspirational but a very hands-on: \u201cHere\u2019s a pathway to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014practical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The title is called <em>The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character<\/em>. I don\u2019t even know what question we asked you about it. I want to ask you this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> You asked me about my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, okay; go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> My dad is a good and godly man. My dad is a quiet man; he\u2019s a prayerful man. I remember, at the start of the book, it\u2019s like: \u201cTo my father, Ian Tyson, whose prayers have carried me this far.\u201d That is true; my dad prays for me every day. He prayed me out of rebellion\u2014he prayed me home\u2014went after me in prayer and fasting in my rebellious years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy grandfather was a very accomplished missionary in India, had an incredibly supernatural ministry; could see the spiritual realm for the rest of his life. He was very, very interesting to be around. He lived with us in our later years. He was an old-school British missionary, which meant he was <em>amazing<\/em> at missions and <em>terrible <\/em>at fatherhood\u2014dump your kids in a boarding school\u2014\u201cIf you love your family more than Me, you are not worthy of Me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad grew up in India\u2014developed a condition where he would sleep walk at night, trying to find his family\u2014they would find him walking around. What\u2019s going on in your head, as a kid, if you\u2019re doing that in your dreams? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to honor my grandfather\u2019s legacy, which in many ways was like there\u2019s thousands, at this point, probably hundreds of thousands of people in the kingdom of God because of his work. But he had a <em>massive flaw<\/em>, which is he was a <em>terrible<\/em> father. He didn\u2019t give my dad what my dad needed. My dad never got a sex talk; never got a talk about money; never got any practical advice about how to grow up. His brothers tried to fill in those gaps, and I think they did a pretty clumsy job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad was resolved to do better than his dad, and my dad did <em>so much better<\/em> than his dad. But there was still some stuff he didn\u2019t have; he didn\u2019t have some of the tools he needed, particularly for a kid like me. I was a handful, growing up. My dad did everything he knew, and there was some stuff I needed that he didn\u2019t know how to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it came to me being a father, I was like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got to try and break some generational stuff off of here. I don\u2019t want to react; I\u2019ve got to figure out a way how to do this.\u201d It started me on a <em>huge<\/em> journey of reading and interviewing men to try and understand: \u201cHow do you get this right?\u201d One of the things I learned, reading all of this stuff was quite simple\u2014there was almost no books about: \u201cHere\u2019s how to do it,\u201d\u2014there was <em>dozens<\/em> of books on wounded men, seeking healing, and very few that were like: \u201cHere\u2019s how to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when I did read those books, \u201cHere\u2019s how to do it,\u201d I was like, \u201cThis is not enough!\u201d\u2014like a camping trip and a few talks is a thousand times better than what most kids get\u2014but it\u2019s not enough. You\u2019ve got, particularly during adolescence, six-plus years with these kids. You\u2019re going to have to have a plan for every day and every week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFormation happens in big break-through events, but it happens in the everyday moments. I basically realized\u2014which actually <em>stunned<\/em> me\u2014I was like, \u201cHow can we be at this point in church history, 2000 years in, and this is not a <em>normal<\/em> part of the evangelical tradition? Why is it that it\u2019s so rare to meet a son that says, \u201cMy father raised me into a man. He did a <em>great<\/em> job, and I\u2019m a healthy functional adult because of it\u201d? Why is that an exception, not the norm?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was saddened to have to write this book. I was <em>shocked<\/em> that there wasn\u2019t like 20 options like this; I would have just used them. I felt like, \u201cMan, I\u2019ve got to sort of\u2026\u201d\u2014one of my gifts is reading widely, synthesizing it, and then turning it into tools\u2014I felt like, \u201cI think I need to do this.\u201d That\u2019s some of my backstory and some of what informed the writing of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave, I feel like, for <em>you<\/em>, you <em>knew<\/em>\u2014and maybe this is true of a lot of men\u2014and like your dad, Jon\/he knew how to build God\u2019s kingdom. And as for you, Dave, I think a lot of men, you knew how to build a career\u2014but when it came to: \u201cHow do you build a family when I\u2019ve never seen it done?\u201d\u2014I think that\u2019s a hard lesson to learn, and most men <em>don\u2019t<\/em> have any idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t know what percentage\u2014maybe you do, Jon\u2014would be in that category. But I was definitely that guy\u2014I didn\u2019t have a dad\u2014obviously, so I didn\u2019t know what it looked like; I didn\u2019t have a Christian background. Then, when I got married, I was like: \u201cWhat is a Christian man?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s a Christian husband?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s a Christian dad?\u201d \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We, as wives, have all kinds of expectations. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; Ann told me everything I needed to know every day\/every hour: [Laughter] \u201cHere\u2019s what you need to do\u2026Why aren\u2019t you doing it?\u201d I mean, we got\u2014I\u2019m not kidding\u2014in some ways, that\u2019s what she did. You know, as a man, sometimes you just push away from that rather than receiving it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did what you did; I started asking men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I want to acknowledge that I think there\u2019s a lot of pain in men\u2019s hearts that gets glossed over: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ol><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u00a0They\u2019re not willing to be vulnerable with it; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u00a0Our culture doesn\u2019t respect men; and oftentimes, for good reason. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ol><p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you talk to most men, and below the surface\u2014I mean, Thoreau said, \u201cMost men live lives of quiet desperation,\u201d\u2014that continues to be true; there\u2019s a <em>lot<\/em> of pain under the surface. When you peel back the roof, you often get a lot of dads, who are just like, \u201cI don\u2019t know how to do it, and I feel like I\u2019m getting nagged on this. If I knew how to do it, I\u2019d do it. This is not a will issue; I would do this if I knew how to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere can be a lot of shame when you know you should be doing something that you don\u2019t know how to do; and you want to do it, but you don\u2019t know how to get the help. You\u2019re just scrambling, and you know the stakes are so high. It\u2019s a high-pressure environment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014I recently did a message to men\u2014and I made this comment; it\u2019s exactly what you said, Jon. I said, \u201cMen have LATS,\u201d and I go, \u201cYou think I\u2019m talking about these big abs I have under my pecs. I\u2019m talking L-A-T-S: They\u2019re \u2018Lonely\u2019; they\u2019re \u2018Angry\u2019; they\u2019re \u2018Tired\u2019; they\u2019re \u2018Stressed.\u2019\u201d I started talking about the loneliness of us men; we say we have friends, but we really don\u2019t. There\u2019s a sense of anger, because we\u2019re carrying so much stuff; nobody seems to know. We\u2019re tired\u2014you know, whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had more response of people reaching out and saying, \u201cCan we talk about that LATS thing?\u201d; because it resonated with men in the room. What you just said is like we do feel this sense of: \u201cI\u2019m supposed to be the man; I\u2019m supposed to be this dad\/this husband; I don\u2019t know what that looks like.\u201d Is that what you found? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s\/I don\u2019t know why there\u2019s not some sort of <em>great<\/em> tradition that is handed down, even inside the church. It is like: \u201cWhy does it feel like every generation has to rediscover this? Why do we always feel like we are starting at zero?\u2014like the conversation is back at the ground floor?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s probably part of the enemy\u2019s plan, to be honest with you\u2014which is to not build generational influence and impact\u2014make every generation start at zero, so there\u2019s nothing to carry over. I think that\u2019s probably a huge part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think even increasingly\u2014I don\u2019t know if you saw the latest articles\u2014there\u2019s one about how China raised men vs how the US is raising men that\u2019s getting a ton of attention. The other one on young men being lost in college, like we\u2019re moving into a world that is <em>not<\/em> designed for men in many ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be very clear here. I\u2019m not talking like, \u201cPoor men; oh, poor men.\u201d I want to acknowledge the very real pastoral pain that is under all of the cultural issues that we banter around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think almost every church is scrambling to do men\u2019s ministry right. It just feels perpetually\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve experienced this\u2014like the curriculum\u2019s out of date. I\u2019ve never found anyone, who says, \u201cThe curriculum\u2019s right on! We\u2019ve got it.\u201d It\u2019s always like: \u201cIt\u2019s dated,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s dated.\u201d I don\u2019t know what it is; I honestly think it\u2019s probably the enemy\u2019s plan. I\u2019m glad we\u2019re able to re-up one more time, so we can address these things and, hopefully, build some generational legacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about where you started. You\u2019ve got a son; you\u2019re trying to be this intentional dad. Define where you started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> I mean, it honestly started\u2014we were living in Dallas\u2014and I was coming back\u2014this is a shared moment every father has\u2014coming back from the doctor with a: \u201cDo you want to know the gender of your kid?\u201d I was like, \u201cYes.\u201d They said, \u201cIt\u2019s a boy,\u201d and I just remember going, \u201cI don\u2019t think I have what it takes. I don\u2019t know how to get this kid into adulthood.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was a youth pastor at the time, as well; so I was very, very aware of the brokenness of some of the kids in the youth group. We picked these kids up in our minivan, and I saw what absentee fatherhood and what poor parenting did. I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2014I want to do better.\u201d It started with a deep sense of resolve, but I felt completely overwhelmed. But I think the journey began there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say this book is for one particular kind of dad\u2014here\u2019s what it is\u2014\u201cIf you are overwhelmed, but determined, this is your book. If you\u2019re doing great, God bless you; keep going. But if you\u2019re not determined, it will be too hard for you; because there\u2019s a <em>real<\/em> task at hand. But if you\u2019re determined and overwhelmed, I have written this book for you. You want to get it right; you\u2019re like, \u2018I\u2019ll do whatever it takes,\u2019 I\u2019ve got a plan and a path to help with that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, that was birthed in my heart. I think\u2014one of the things I read, and this was an old Stephen Covey thing that was maybe the one thing I got right for both of my kids\u2014I remember Covey saying, \u201cYou need to give each of your kids one night a week, and it needs to be their time; they set the agenda.\u201d I did that with both of my kids, fairly consistently, their entire lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople talk about having like date night. I was like, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to have time with your kids like that.\u201d The whole goal was to develop this sacred bond. I felt like, \u201cAs long as I have an emotional relational attachment, we\u2019ll be able to process and get through everything.\u201d I worked <em>so hard<\/em> for so many years to build that willingness for my son to spend time with me. A lot of people say, \u201cHow do I get a 13-year-old son to enter into a multi-year, male formation journey?\u201d I was like: \u201cI used to take my son to Waffle House in a car carrier. Then when he was one, we\u2019d go; when he was two\u2026so we just kept that tradition in our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book is not a promise that everything will work out fine. My son went through some <em>very hard<\/em> times: \u201cDad, I don\u2019t want to be a Christian. I don\u2019t think following Jesus is worth it.\u201d But I had that relational connection to say, \u201cThanks for sharing that with me. Let\u2019s talk about that. What about following Jesus is not worth it?\u201d On the surface, I looked probably pretty calm; and then I left the room and wept\u2014[Laughter]\u2014and started a 40-day fast\u2014and was like, \u201cGod, I call forth my son\u2019s destiny!\u201d Super intense behind the scenes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I developed a bond that enabled it to work. That was, I think, the one thing I <em>knew<\/em>: \u201cIf this is in place, I can probably handle <em>anything<\/em> as long as I maintain this.\u201d Yes, that sort of started when he was born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019ve raised a son and daughter. Is it different? This book is for fathers and sons, but is it different with a girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Yes, it is. My wife pulled me aside in the early days. I originally called this \u201cThe Primal Path\u201d\u2014that was what I called this thing with my son\u2014people were like, \u201cOh, that sounds like you want to eat meat and take your shirt off.\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cYou know I don\u2019t know how to tell you this: 13-year-old boys are not motivated by a sophisticated adult language. They want to feel like it\u2019s got some energy to it, so it\u2019s called The Primal Path. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife pulled me aside and said, \u201cYou know that a lot of this stuff is true for women too. I said, \u201cThe number-one way to de-motivate a young man is tell him: \u2018This is generic, universal wisdom. You\u2019re not special; this is just stuff that girls know too.\u2019\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s not the point; it\u2019s the <em>framing<\/em> of it that\u2019s important.\u201d A lot of this stuff is just like helping adolescents move into adulthood in a healthy way. But there is definitely some things that are specific for men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Although I know it\u2019s a different conversation\u2014but you\u2019re doing a similar, but different, thing with your daughter\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s really interesting\u2014this, I did with my son\u2014I did it for six years. People said, \u201cThat\u2019s so long.\u201d I was like, \u201cBut I had him the whole time. Do you want me to do a year and then give up on him and then wing it for five years?\u201d I was like, \u201cI just worked with the time I had.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter\u2014I had a wonderful relationship with my daughter\u2014but she had a very different personality. She\u2019s <em>very<\/em> driven, very conscientious, very internally motivated. To be honest with you, my wife did a version of this with my daughter. If she turns that into a thing or not, I don\u2019t know; that\u2019s up to her. That\u2019s not\/she doesn\u2019t feel called to it like I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I knew I\u2019ve got to play a significant role in discipling my daughter, so I did a one-year intensive. That was like: \u201cThe 50 things you\u2019ve got to have this in your heart before you leave our house.\u201d We did a lot of this stuff, but it was in a compressed time frame; but in some ways, it was more intense. At some point, I\u2019ll put that out. But what my daughter wanted from me was very different than what my son wanted from me. Again, my wife played a major role in discipling my daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Go back\u2014you mentioned the five kinds of fathers\u2014go back and tell us what those are real quick. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> A lot of this was just like observation; a lot of it primarily in my pastoring. There\u2019s five kinds of fathers. They all start with \u201cI\u201d<u>\u00ad<\/u>because I\u2019m a pastor; and if they don\u2019t illiterate, it\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you doing with that?\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jon:<\/strong> \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work; make it memorable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first father is like an \u201c<em>Irresponsible father<\/em>.\u201d This is a dad, who just bales\u2014does not accept the sacred responsibility of bringing someone into the world, made in the image of God, who relies on them for a sense of purpose and identity\u2014just bales. We obviously know\u2014statistically, personally, sociologically\u2014the amount of damage that had: an absent dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not talking about \u201c<em>Ignorant dads<\/em>.\u201d These are dads who don\u2019t know what they\u2019re doing, and they don\u2019t really want to know. They just prescribe: \u201cWell, when I was your age\u2026,\u201d and \u201cYou should just figure this out.\u201d They have no empathy\/no emotional connection. They don\u2019t understand the goal of fatherhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you get \u201c<em>Inconsistent dads<\/em>.\u201d These are dads who are torn, often, with either personal brokenness or ambition. They\u2019re in or out, but they\u2019re not fully committed to the task of fatherhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know who Anthony Bourdain is?\u2014the famous chef\u2014he was in New York; he was a big deal there. I watched the documentary about the end of his life, trying to ask the question: \u201cWhy did he commit suicide?\u201d One of the things was in there\u2014he had his daughter later in life in a second marriage\u2014and he wanted to be such an ideal dad that he couldn\u2019t sustain it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was traveling so much\/so driven to make his own TV show, he got into this cycle of dysfunction of like, \u201cIf I can\u2019t be the perfect dad, I\u2019m going to be a disappointment; so I\u2019ll withdraw. But now, I\u2019m withdrawing and traveling. I love this, but I feel guilty,\u201d\u2014did a lot of damage, just like a torn heart in parenting. That\u2019s the inconsistent dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you\u2019ve got \u201c<em>Involved dads<\/em>.\u201d This is like your typical, good American dad. It\u2019s like doing the sex talk; going to the game; just handing out, with good intent, generic Christian wisdom and worldview. If you\u2019ve had a good dad, you know it can change your life\/accelerate your call; it\u2019s an extraordinary thing. My dad was an involved dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut an \u201c<em>Intentional dad<\/em>\u201d goes one step further; and they ask this: \u201cWho is the kid that God has given me?\u201d \u201cWhat is the key to their heart?\u201d And it\u2019s beyond general wisdom and worldview. I\u2019ll give you an example: my whole life, I\u2019ve had the equivalent of a dominant personality\/outgoing leader. But my entire life, I\u2019ve struggled with insecurity, not pride. I\u2019m a <em>reluctant<\/em> leader; I\u2019m the guy you drag to the mike and not the guy you fight to get it from my hand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was super-gifted as a kid, athletics and academics, so my dad\u2019s advice to me always was like: \u201cDon\u2019t be arrogant,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t be arrogant,\u201d \u201cGod is opposed to the proud; don\u2019t be arrogant.\u201d That\u2019s true. But if he\u2019d known my heart, which is a heart of insecurity, he would have always said to me: \u201cHave courage; never fail to step up,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cLevel up; you\u2019re <em>needed<\/em>; your gifts are welcome.\u201d He would have actually said the <em>opposite<\/em> thing. The general wisdom was <em>true<\/em>, based on a surface observation; and it was good generic parenting; but he didn\u2019t understand the key to my heart, which is like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to inspire confidence in my son, not deal with a pride issue.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe intentional father asks the question: \u201cWhat is the key to my son\u2019s heart? How do I get it and, then, how do I develop him out of that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s my vision: is to help dads. My guess is like listening to\/like your audience: \u201cIf you\u2019re listening to a show about this, you\u2019re probably an involved parent. My goal is to just help push and inspire that to the next level. Because I think the joy of being understood, as a young man, by your father is one of the greatest gifts you can have. I want to see that normalized in our world today.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Intentionality is a word that gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles, and it\u2019s kind of easy to apply in a lot of areas of our life. But sometimes, when it comes to parenting our kids, we\u2019re not super intentional. We actually just try to run a play book; and we\u2019re not tailor-making, with intentionality, our parenting to our specific kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJon Tyson has been talking with Dave and Ann Wilson. He\u2019s written a book called <em>The Intentional Father<\/em>. In this book, he lays out a clear path for fathers and sons that includes very specific activities, rites of passage, and significant marking moments that can be customized to fit any family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book is so important, and it is going to be our gift to you with any donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. If you log onto FamilyLifeToday.com, and make a donation of any amount, we are going to send you a copy of Jon Tyson\u2019s, <em>The Intentional Father<\/em>, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your gift to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d Again, you can log online, or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking, again, with Jon Tyson about the power that you have over your family as a dad; and how it\u2019s important that we don\u2019t carry those bad habits and wounds that we have from our childhood into the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any FamilyLife programs, have been helpful for you, we\u2019d like you to share today\u2019s podcast; rate and review it as well. That really helps to advance the gospel effort of what we are doing here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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