{"id":307437,"date":"2022-03-15T08:03:20","date_gmt":"2022-03-15T12:03:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up\/"},"modified":"2022-03-15T08:03:20","modified_gmt":"2022-03-15T12:03:20","slug":"loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Loyalty in Marriage: When Your Spouse Messes Up"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;What do I do when my spouse screws up?&#8221;\u009d Author James Merritt offers advice on reaching a new level of love and loyalty in marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.<br \/>\n \tFind more content and resources on the FamilyLife&#8217;s app!<br \/>\n \tHelp others find Familylife.\u00a0 Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all the Familylife&#8217;s on the FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;What do I do when my spouse screws up?&#8221;\u009d Author James Merritt offers advice on reaching a new level of love and loyalty in marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:51","filesize":"22.75M","filesize_raw":"23850739","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[7052],"podcast_series":[8511],"cwp_profile":[9761],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307437","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","tag-loyalty-in-marriage","podcast_series-james-merritt-character-still-counts","cwp_profile-james-merritt","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307437\/loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307437\/loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"GyIeSxqfTK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up\/\">Loyalty in Marriage: When Your Spouse Messes Up<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/loyalty-in-marriage-when-your-spouse-messes-up\/embed\/#?secret=GyIeSxqfTK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Loyalty in Marriage: When Your Spouse Messes Up&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"GyIeSxqfTK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"\"What do I do when my spouse screws up?\"\u009d Author James Merritt offers advice on reaching a new level of love and loyalty in marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Pastors perform weddings; it\u2019s God who does the marriage. Pastors don\u2019t join a couple together; God joins them together. Holding a marriage together is not just saying, \u201cI\u2019ll be loyal to you,\u201d like you\u2019re loyal to each other. No, you\u2019re loyal to two things: the <em>vows<\/em> that you took before God, and the God that you took the vows before\u2014that\u2019s what you\u2019re loyal to\u2014loyalty to each other is a <em>fruit<\/em> of that; it\u2019s a result of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of couples who get married\u2014sometimes, it concerns me\u2014they don\u2019t understand: \u201cYou are not just saying words. You are taking\u2014that\u2019s the way I do my weddings; you\u2019re taking a sacred vow before God: \u2018til death do you part,\u201d\u2014we don\u2019t take that seriously much anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, there\u2019s a TV show that\u2014every once in a while, I\u2019ll be flipping around channels\u2014and when I get there, I sort of stop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes! I totally know what you\u2019re going to say!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> NFL football.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> College football.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No, that I would <em>expect<\/em>. [Laughter] But when I come into the room, and I\u2019ll say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cNo, no, no! I don\u2019t want to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWait, wait!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t want anybody to know this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re watching <em>The Bachelor?!\u201d <\/em>[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I have never watched <em>The Bachelor.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You totally <em>have<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I\u2019ve watched <em>minutes<\/em> of it; I haven\u2019t watched the <em>season<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can\u2019t even tell you a name of a bachelor or bachelorette.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you get kind of mesmerized by it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll be sitting there on the couch\u2014I\u2019m flipping around\u2014and, \u201cOh, there\u2019s <em>The Bachelor.<\/em>\u201d I get mesmerized, because it\u2019s so comical; it\u2019s like, \u201cAre you <em>kidding<\/em> me?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sorry if we\u2019re offending our <em>Bachelor <\/em>fans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m sure there are people who love it. I know they have <em>Bachelor <\/em>and <em>Bachelorette <\/em>parties, whatever. All I know is I\u2019m smiling and snickering, because: \u201cYou really think you\u2019re going to pick a future spouse based on how they look\/how they date in these exotic places?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I used to watch it when our boys had their girlfriends over. It\u2019s terrible; because they would say, \u201cYou guys! Just leave the room. You\u2019re wrecking the show for us!\u201d Because we would say things like: \u201cOkay, this isn\u2019t realistic!\u201d or \u201cThis is a <em>terrible<\/em> plan!\u201d They\u2019re like, \u201cYou guys! You\u2019re <em>wrecking<\/em> it; just leave.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because the reason is\/if I would ask you: \u201cOkay, if you\u2019re going to counsel or coach a single person on how to pick a future marriage spouse, what would you say the number-one thing they should be looking for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s why we\u2019re smiling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> In the show, they\u2019re looking at just the <em>outward<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we know that they\u2019re looking at image and you name it, but character matters!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got James Merritt back with us in the studio today. He\u2019s a man of character; wrote a book on character, and lives a life of character. James, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be back with you. I just really enjoy being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Your book\u2014<em>Character Still Counts<\/em>\u2014and by the way, many people know you as an author, pastor. I didn\u2019t know [you\u2019ve written] 15 books; that\u2019s pretty crazy that you\u2019ve written that many.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and a TV show. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> God\u2019s been good; God\u2019s been good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, so many things in your life: former president of the Southern Baptist Convention. But probably most importantly, you\u2019re a husband, a dad, and a grandfather; and that\u2019s all about character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes, it really is. You know, the older you get, the more you do realize that. And again, as we were talking about it earlier, it is so important. When I hire staff\/we hire staff\u2014and I\u2019ve done this ever since I\u2019ve pastored\u2014I tell our staff: \u201cI want you to have three priorities, in this order: number one, your relationship with God; number two, your relationship to your family.\u201d And then, I always put it this way: \u201cAnd a <em>distant <\/em>third is your relationship to the church.\u201d I said, \u201cBecause if you\u2019re not what you ought to be with God privately, and if you\u2019re not what you ought to be with God in your family and your home, you won\u2019t be what I need as a minister. I don\u2019t care how good you are at what you do. You will not be what I need you to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve all seen it: I\u2019ve seen a lot of pastors shipwreck their ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Because they made the ministry their marriage; they made the ministry their wife; they made the ministry their children. You know, your first calling is going to be as a dad and as a husband. If it doesn\u2019t work at home, it\u2019s not going to work in the church, which, as you know, even the Scripture talks about, if you\u2019re going to be a pastor, you\u2019ve got to be able to rule your own household well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Why did Paul say that?\u2014because you know what I\u2019m talking about\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve got to get it done at home. If your Christianity doesn\u2019t work at home, don\u2019t export!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I can remember talking to our boys like, \u201cThis is what matters: character.\u201d The kids are like, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what that means. What\u2019s <em>character<\/em> mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou really have walked us through so many of these things that matter. But we\u2019re living in this culture; I think parents listening are like, \u201cHelp me with this! Because my kids\/all they care about is image! They care about the \u2018likes.\u2019 They care about how many are watching their YouTube page.\u201d As parents, how would you guide them to say, \u201cOkay, focus on character instead of reputation or image\u201d? What\u2019s your encouragement to <em>them<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a great question. And let me just say, before I give my answer, to all the parents, who are out there\u2014and having been one\u2014I think the job of parenting today is more difficult than it\u2019s ever been in the history of our country. When my boys were growing up, and I\u2019m sure you guys were the same way, social media\u2014the phrase\u2014didn\u2019t even exist! It was a simpler world, you know, in some ways. You know, there are people today: Twitter\u2019s their god; Instagram\u2019s their god. Their greatest claim to fame is: \u201cBut I have a million followers,\u201d or \u201cI have 20 million followers,\u201d or whatever. Having said that, I just want to say, before I say anything to you moms and dads out there: \u201cGod bless every one of you!\u201d It\u2019s difficult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the good news is: it\u2019s not impossible. It is still possible to raise godly children. I think, obviously, the first thing you have to do\u2014character really is, in a sense, more caught than it is taught. The most important thing\u2014and I know you guys did it\u2014but the most important thing a parent can do is make sure their kids see that their words match their lives; that they don\u2019t see one mom and dad on Sunday morning, and another mom and dad on Monday morning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNot that we\u2019re perfect; and if my three boys were here today, they\u2019d be <em>more than happy<\/em> to tell you all the flaws I had and all the faults I had as a dad. I\u2019d be the first one to own up to them. But, as a whole, all three of my boys would also say: \u201cMy dad lived what he preached,\u201d \u201cMy dad practiced what he preached.\u201d In fact, Adrian used to say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Rogers used to say it this way\u2014he said, \u201cJames, I don\u2019t want to so much practice what I preach. I want to preach what I practice.\u201d That\u2019s kind of been my philosophy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHaving said that, I think the first thing you\u2019ve got to do is model: \u201cYou\u2019ve <em>got to <\/em>model character in your home.\u201d If you want your kids to read their Bible, they\u2019d better know you read yours. If you want your kids to all be constantly talking to the Lord, they ought to know that you constantly talk to the Lord. We\u2019ve got to, as parents, not just model it, but we\u2019ve got to begin to inculcate in our children a biblical worldview. That\u2019s the biggest thing missing in the church. The average Christian doesn\u2019t think biblically; they think kind of like everybody else thinks. But when you are steeped in the Word of God, and you study the Word of God, and you live it, then you have this biblical worldview; so: \u201cYou model it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing is: \u201cEvery day, teach it.\u201d Here\u2019s what I was going to say: there are these negative moments\u2014you\u2019re going to get them every day\u2014where there\u2019s a teachable moment. For example, I told my grandson, Parker, we were talking about not long ago: \u201cI am amazed at who will get standing ovations today\u2014you know, a rock star, a Hollywood star, or this, that, or the other; it doesn\u2019t matter if they live the life of an alley cat\u2014you know, people will be saying, \u2018Oh, yes, but this is him; and he\u2019s cool! He makes this kind of money. Look how he dresses! Look at all the gold he wears around his neck.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m trying to teach my grandchildren now: \u201cForget his reputation or her reputation; what is their character?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have this saying on my desk\u2014I think I put this in the book\u2014by Dwight L. Moody; it\u2019s on my desk in my office: \u201cIf you will take care of your character, God will take care of your reputation.\u201d Young people today, more than ever, need to hear that. And that said, it\u2019s easy to feel guilty, because we all fail. No matter how hard you try\u2014I guess your boys are like mine\u2014they haven\u2019t <em>always <\/em>done exactly what I would have done. [Laughter] And you have to let them make mistakes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut at the same time, you can look back and say, \u201cYou know, Lord, I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m perfect. I made mistakes, and I understand that, but I really did the best I could to teach them in the way they should go, so that when they\u2019re old, they won\u2019t depart from it. I\u2019ve done the best that I know how to do, and now I turn them over to You\u201d; that\u2019s really all you can do. The first institution God created was the home; it wasn\u2019t the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t the government; it was the home. God made a clear, big statement when He did that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And it\u2019s really interesting, if you think about marriage and family, it really is about character. I mean, everything is\u2014that\u2019s what you say in your book: <em>Character Still Counts<\/em>\u2014it countseverywhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut think about this: I remember when I was a young pastor, 30-some years ago, I remember thinking, \u201cMan, in some professions, character doesn\u2019t seem to be <em>as <\/em>important as it would be in ministry; it\u2019s a character profession.\u201d And then you know what hit me? Being a husband\u2019s a character profession; being a dad is a character profession. It\u2019s all about that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo talk about\u2014one of your character traits that you talk about in the book is loyalty\u2014talk about loyalty in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Loyalty in a marriage to me is not just being loyal to the person; it\u2019s being loyal to the <em>vows<\/em>. You\u2019re talking about watching <em>The Bachelor. <\/em>I\u2019ve never seen <em>The Bachelor<\/em> myself either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re a better man than me!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> No, I\u2019m not going to say\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> \u2014I may have watched five minutes of the show, but I know enough about the show: it is funny;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s hilarious. It is the exact <em>opposite<\/em> way you ought to go find somebody, first of all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> That\u2019s not the way you ought to do it. And as you know, it doesn\u2019t play out most of the time anyway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> But I\u2019ll give you\/if I can give a personal illustration: I\u2019m married today to the woman I married, because of the Lord being in my life. My wife was the kind of girl that, when I was in high school, I thought would never date me. I didn\u2019t play quarterback like you did. My wife was a cheerleader in high school; she was a cheerleader in college; she was a beauty contest winner. She is, to me to this day, the most beautiful woman I\u2019ve ever seen. But she was the kind of girl I would look at and say, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t have a chance with that girl!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLong story short, she had just come out of a relationship with a guy who played football. I\u2019ve seen his picture; he looked like a 6\u20193\u201d, 220 Brad Pitt. The guy was just\u2014but, you know, he was an atheist. He didn\u2019t believe in God, and she knew that was not good for her; but, you know, they were going together and all. I mean, they were living pure, but they were going together. I meet her at Truett McConnell College. I was doing a youth camp; I was a student pastor. I met her, and again, I was so shy; I just couldn't bring myself to hardly even talk to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, one of my students in the youth ministry, without letting me know, goes down to check her out and see if she\u2019s going with anybody. I didn\u2019t know it. He comes back and says, \u201cHey, man! She\u2019s free,\u201d I said, \u201cHow do you know?\u201d \u201cI just talked to her.\u201d I thought, \u201cOh, Lord!\u201d So I ran down there and said, \u201cLook, I had nothing to do with it. Please! I didn\u2019t know he was going to do it. By the way, would you like to go out after Bible study tonight?\u201d [Laughter] So we went out that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Mr. Shy Boy didn\u2019t have too much shyness right then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> I\u2019m telling you, man, I was smitten with her. She turned around and stood up to help me. The first time I laid eyes on her, I was done! I took her out that night; we just sat and talked. She went out\u2014the next night, I went to her home and picked her up\u2014I proposed to her that night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What!?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Second date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Second date?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Proposed to her that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Come on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> I did. It took her\u2014she dated one guy\u2014well, she met him that following Friday; dated him two weeks, every night, trying to forget me. God wouldn\u2019t let her do it. She came down to see me unexpectedly at the church where I was, just to see me for an hour\u2014left\u2014told me when she got back home\/told me she loved me; she wanted to marry me\u2014so we were married five months later, and we\u2019ve been married forty-five years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what she\u2019ll tell you is this: she said, \u201cYou are unlike <em>any other <\/em>guy I ever dated.\u201d The first thing I wanted to find out about her, Dave: \u201cDo you know Christ?\u201d That\u2019s the first thing I wanted to ask her. I didn\u2019t care how beautiful she was. If you don\u2019t know the Lord, we\u2019re going to have an issue. She will tell you to this day, the reason that I got her\u2014thank God!\u2014was not because of me; it was because of the Christ that lives in me. I\u2019m a living testimony that the happiest marriages are where two people both love Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you the husband and wife that love each other the most: the wife that loves Jesus more than she loves her husband loves her husband the most; and the husband who loves Jesus more than he loves his wife loves his wife the most. And if they both love Jesus the most, nobody\u2014nobody\u2014that is an unbeliever can really say, deep down, they\u2019ve got that kind of love for each other. It takes it to another dimension.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Same thing\u2019s true about parents and kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> When you love God, you love your kids in a way that an unbeliever\u2014now, I\u2019m not saying unbelievers don\u2019t love their kids\u2014that\u2019s not my point. But you have to be a believer to understand what I\u2019m saying. It\u2019s a <em>new<\/em> level when you love your kids, not just as your blood and your kin kids, but you love them as your brothers and sisters in Christ. It\u2019s a different level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I\u2019m sure, James, you experienced the same thing as a pastor\u2014doing the wedding, you\u2019re looking at this groom and this bride\u2014I know this: when I know them well enough to know, \u201cThis guy is thinking this: \u2018This is not\u2026\u2019\u2014he\u2019s looking at his bride, thinking\u2014\u201cThis is not the most important person in my life\u201d; and she\u2019s thinking the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, most weddings\u2014you know, they\u2019re not thinking that\u2014they\u2019re thinking: \u201cOh, I\u2019m marrying you, because you\u2019re the most important person in my life,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m marrying him because\u2026\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and \u201cThey\u2019re going to make me happy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You want to feel that on your wedding day, but when the groom and the bride know\u2014\u201cNo, no, no; she\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the most important person; Jesus is,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the most important person; Jesus is,\u201d\u2014then you know this marriage can go the distance; because if Jesus is number one, character is what I\u2019m going to <em>be.<\/em> I\u2019m accountable to God, not just my spouse; but to God! And that\u2019s going to transform a marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk about this, though: as a dad\u2014you\u2019ve raised sons and, now, grandkids\u2014what if you\u2019ve <em>blown<\/em> it? What if you\u2019re a man or a woman, who has made some character decisions that were bad? You\u2019ve sinned in ways that you never thought you would; but you feel like, \u201cI\u2019m not really a man or woman of integrity, because my life isn\u2019t matching.\u201d How do you recover?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> First of all, you have to display true repentance. That\u2019s a word we don\u2019t use much anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> We don\u2019t hear much on it. The first word Jesus ever spoke, in the first sermon He ever preached, was \u201crepent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> We don\u2019t hear that much anymore, but I think the first thing you have to do is repent and show the fruits of repentance. Full confession here: I didn\u2019t always have the patience with my boys that I should have [when they were] growing up. I had a temper. About five\/maybe six Christmas Eves ago, we were at the house, and we were bringing presents upstairs. I just felt led to do this, so I called all of the guys downstairs; I said, \u201cGuys, I\u2019ve got to tell you something.\u201d I just lost it; I just started weeping. I said, \u201cGuys, I was too hard on you, and there were times I lost my temper with you. I\u2019m just telling you; it was wrong. I was wrong; I just ask you to forgive me.\u201d Of course, they were all like: \u201cNo,\u201d \u201cAhh.\u201d I said, \u201cNo, no, no. Guys, you know I\u2019m telling the truth. Let\u2019s not sugarcoat this. I\u2019m sorry; I wish I could have that to do over again.\u201d I said, \u201cI hate to tell you this\u2014but I am\u2014because I\u2019m doing it with my grandkids.\u201d I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> lost my temper with my grandkids, which kind of irritates them sometimes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, my point is: the best thing you can do with your family\u2014and it\u2019s hard!\u2014is just go and admit what you\u2019ve done\u2014whatever it is\u2014just say, \u201cLook, I blew it. We\u2019re not going to sugarcoat this.\u201d I have repented; and I told the boys, \u201cI\u2019ve repented. I cannot do it over again; but I can do\/from this point on, I can do all I can to show you I can be the man in that area of my life that I ought to be\u201d; and I am. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, you know, you have to humble yourself. You have to confess it; you have to admit it. Then, you have to repent; and you even have to say, \u201cHold me accountable. Watch me. If you see me sliding in any way in this area of my life, you owe it to me as my sons\u201d\u2014or \u201cmy wife\u201d or whatever\u2014to tell me to do that.\u201d The problem is\u2014and it\u2019s so weird\u2014pride is bigger in our homes, sometimes, than it is anywhere else; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, if you did something wrong at your job\u2014and you love your job; and you know, \u201cIf I don\u2019t make this right, I\u2019m going to get fired,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s amazing how humble you can get with your boss;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> \u2014isn\u2019t it? Well, we ought to be even more humble with our wives and with our children and our family. When we\u2019ve blown it, go to them. Your stature will grow; their respect for you will grow; their love for you will grow. You don\u2019t lose; you win when you do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I think that really pairs with another character quality: perseverance. If they\u2019re hard on you; or if you feel like, \u201cI\u2019ve done this a million times!\u201d; or \u201cI\u2019ve tried to talk to my son or my daughter a million times,\u201d \u2014or \u201cmy husband\u201d or \u201cwife\u201d\u2014so often, we just give up: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work. I\u2019m not going to keep going.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut perseverance\u2014you talk about this like this is key\u2014and I thought it was interesting, too, because you talk about Apple<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and the founders of Apple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk about that a little bit. I bet a lot of people don\u2019t know this story of the founders. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes; there were three guys. One of them, frankly,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s funny you don\u2019t know his name!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes; I <em>don\u2019t<\/em> know his name.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because he\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> \u2014he gave up. He gave up too early and sold his stock for like <em>peanuts<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014$800!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> $800; that\u2019s right. And I think\u2014I can\u2019t remember what it said, but I think\u2014I put in the book what it would be worth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> $60 billion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> $60 billion; because, you know, he gave up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd by the way, I\u2019m glad you brought that up, Ann. One of the biggest things I see that breaks my heart in marriage, so often, is people do give up too soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> People do give up too quickly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you why\u2014let me tell you why we quit\u2014and this is hard for people to admit. If you\u2019re a believer, and you quit, you\u2019re not quitting on the situation; you\u2019re not quitting on the person; you\u2019re quitting on God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Because what you\u2019re really saying, when you quit, is: \u201cYou know what? Even <em>You<\/em> can\u2019t handle this. Even <em>You<\/em> can\u2019t do this.\u201d I had a couple that came in to see me. It is the <em>worst<\/em> situation I have ever encountered in my ministry, ever! This couple came in to see me\u2014this is how bad it was\u2014they had lived apart, and the only reason they did not divorce\u2014they, financially, just could not afford it\u2014that\u2019s the only reason; the only reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe would write her husband\u2014get a birthday card\u2014and she would cross out the \u201cI love\u201d and the \u201cHappy birthday,\u201d and she would say things like, \u201cI hope today\u2019s a day in hell for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ohh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> \u201cI hate you with everything.\u201d I mean, she would do it and put it under his door. It was toxic! It was so poisoned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked at him\u2014I started with him, and I said\u2014and he really wanted the marriage to work\u2014I said: \u201cAre you willing to do whatever it takes for this marriage to work?\u201d He said, \u201cPastor, I am.\u201d And I looked at her, and she said, \u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d I said, \u201cI can\u2019t help you. If you don\u2019t want it to work, I promise you, it's not going to work. If you don\u2019t want it to work, it\u2019s not going to work.\u201d I told them that. I\u2019ll be honest with you; I wouldn\u2019t have given them a nickel for that thing to work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> They came about eight months later; they\u2019re glowing and they\u2019re happy. They\u2019re coming in, and they\u2019re sitting down; they said\u2014I thought they were coming in for another session, because I told them, \u201cYou need to go to a professional; I can\u2019t help you,\u201d\u2014they came in, Dave, and they sat down. I was thinking, \u201cBoy, this is: they must have gotten a divorce; now, they\u2019re just so happy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t even go into the details of it, but God just got in there; God got in there. And what they\u2019ll tell you today\u2014they\u2019ll now give their testimony, and what they\u2019ll tell you today is, they\u2019re so glad now they were <em>forced <\/em>to hang in there; because of their finances. But it was God\u2019s way of not letting them quit, and they\u2019re so glad. They\u2019re the happiest couple I know of anywhere in the world now, because they just did not quit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s character. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you list 12 different attributes of character; and that\u2019s a big one. You don\u2019t make it to the finish line if you don\u2019t have character, because you quit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s too easy. Whether it\u2019s marriage, job, your faith\u2014and I would just add this one last thought\u2014character is developed in community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Men\u2014you need men in your life to look you in the eye when you aren\u2019t exhibiting character and call you up. Women need women. We need couples in our lives. You don\u2019t develop it in the dark; you don\u2019t develop it in isolation. You <em>need <\/em>a community; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Dave, you played quarterback.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> You played football.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was amazing, James. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> I can tell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, the older I get, the better I was! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> There\u2019s no doubt about it, and your humility blows me away. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, you developed your character on the football field, practicing with your players\/practicing with those guys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> \u2014taking the hits\u2014letting them\/showing, \u201cI can lead this football team.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> You could have gone out with your receivers and just kind of thrown, back and forth, all day long. That wouldn\u2019t have developed character; okay? That\u2019s why the real character development is on Saturday in college, and on Sunday in the NFL. That\u2019s when you know what kind of character you\u2019ve got; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Football\u2014all sports are great that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing, to come back full circle\u2014you talk about loyalty\u2014and this is a thing, again, a lot of couples don\u2019t realize anymore\u2014pastors perform weddings; it\u2019s God who does the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> Pastors don\u2019t join a couple together; God joins them together. Holding a marriage together is not just saying, \u201cI\u2019ll be loyal to you,\u201d like you\u2019re loyal to each other. No, you\u2019re loyal to two things: the<em> vows<\/em> that you took before God, and the <em>God<\/em> that you took the vows before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you\u2019re loyal to. Loyalty to each other is a <em>fruit<\/em> of that; it\u2019s a result of that. A lot of couples who get married\u2014sometimes, it concerns me\u2014they don\u2019t understand: \u201cYou are not just saying words. You are taking\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the way I do my weddings\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re taking a sacred <em>vow<\/em> before God, \u2018\u2026\u2019til death do you part.\u2019\u201d We don\u2019t take that seriously much anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I tell you what: the only way that vow is lived out is the power of God in us. The power of Jesus Christ, through His Holy Spirit, literally to make us men and women of character. That\u2019s where it starts, and it ends. It starts and ends in Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; no question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> James, thanks. It\u2019s been great stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>James:<\/strong> I enjoyed it. Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Most of the time, when we hear the word, \u201cloyal,\u201d we think: \u201cOh, I\u2019m loyal to this person,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m loyal to this team,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m loyal to this area.\u201d But as Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking with James Merritt, he\u2019s helped us to see that, when it comes to a marriage, loyalty isn\u2019t necessarily to your spouse. It\u2019s a different kind of loyalty that makes it more about God, vertically, as opposed to the other person and us, horizontally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJames Merritt has written a book called <em>Character Still Counts: It is Time to Restore Our Lasting Values. <\/em>You can order a copy in our FamilyLife Resource Center by logging onto FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can pick up the phone and give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to request your copy of <em>Character Still Counts <\/em>by James Merritt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it comes to character, we as fathers sometimes have a lot of trouble instilling character in our sons as we think about raising them in this culture\/in this environment today. Jon Tyson, our guest coming up tomorrow, has written a book called <em>The Intentional Father<\/em>, about how to raise your sons in a culture that pushes them in a direction that\u2019s <em>away<\/em> from God. This book is going to be our gift to you for a donation of any amount if you log onto FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation to the ministry of FamilyLife, or call 1-800-358-6329. It\u2019s our gift to you as a way to say, \u201cThank you for extending the ministry of what we do, here, at FamilyLife.\u201d Like I said, Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be talking with Jon Tyson tomorrow, the author of <em>The Intentional Father. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of the <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>programs, have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or a family member. While you\u2019re there, it would really help us advance the ministry of what we\u2019re doing at FamilyLife if you would scroll down and rate or review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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