{"id":307433,"date":"2022-03-11T08:04:23","date_gmt":"2022-03-11T13:04:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking\/"},"modified":"2022-03-11T08:04:23","modified_gmt":"2022-03-11T13:04:23","slug":"sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking\/","title":{"rendered":"Sharon Jaynes: Your Story, Made Breathtaking"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How could you heal your story&#8217;s brokenness so you can share it? Bestselling author Sharon Jaynes talks about how to emerge from shame &#8211;toward healing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:34","filesize":"23.41M","filesize_raw":"24551680","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822,2873],"tags":[7051],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3227],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307433","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-sharon-jaynes","cwp_profile-sharon-jaynes","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307433\/sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307433\/sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3pcQQSK4Hl\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking\/\">Sharon Jaynes: Your Story, Made Breathtaking<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sharon-jaynes-your-story-made-breathtaking\/embed\/#?secret=3pcQQSK4Hl\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Sharon Jaynes: Your Story, Made Breathtaking&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3pcQQSK4Hl\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> The people that we choose not to forgive\u2014they don\u2019t care; okay?\u2014and most of the time, they don\u2019t even know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t forgive someone because they deserve it\u2014and we\u2019re not saying that what they did isn\u2019t wrong\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014what we are saying is we are going to give the burden of justice to God, and <em>we<\/em> are going to be free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think I know what you are going to say,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but what would you say was the lowest point of our marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, no doubt\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Please don\u2019t say yesterday or today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing our listeners would know this answer. It was our ten-year anniversary when I told you, \u201cI\u2019ve got nothing left. I\u2019ve lost all of my feelings for you\u201d; and I felt, in my heart, like, \u201cI\u2019m done; I\u2019ve got nothing\u201d; and I didn\u2019t even have hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was 31 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So now, when you think of that moment, what do you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> God used <em>that<\/em> moment to catapult us into what He designed for our future; whereas, I look at it, and I think Satan\u2014his design was that our marriage would end; we would be hopeless; you would be out of ministry\u2014that was his goal. God said, \u201cWait until you see what I do with the lowest point of your life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that is what I thought you would say; because it is interesting to think what we felt in that moment\u2014which was absolute despair\u2014now, we are sitting here, right now, in this studio with FamilyLife because of that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I don\u2019t think He said, \u201cOh, I want this to happen.\u201d It was our <em>own<\/em> sin; it was our\/they were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was <em>my<\/em> sin. Go ahead: you can say it was mine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was mine, too; because I made our marriage an idol. But isn\u2019t God so <em>gracious<\/em> that, when we try to hide things, He says, \u201cLet Me have it, and wait until you see what a miracle I can do with it if you let Me\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I think what we discovered is the truth of God. He uses <em>all<\/em> stories, and He turns them to a beautiful story if we let Him do it. That\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about today with Sharon Jaynes; we\u2019ve got her back in the studio. We talked about <em>her<\/em> story yesterday. Sharon, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Thanks! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re giving listeners, especially women, so much help in areas that we feel like we are broken and we\u2019re lost; and you give us hope. In your book, <em>When You Don\u2019t Like Your Story<\/em>\u2014and the subtitle is:<em> What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?<\/em>\u2014again, you give us that hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that\u2019s what you told us <em>yesterday<\/em>. We were all in the studio, in tears, with your\/Sharon, yesterday, when you were talking about your story with your dad\u2019s drinking problem, and the fights,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and running to the corners of the home to avoid it. That is <em>exactly<\/em> my story <em>with<\/em> my sister\u2014she and I would go hide away from\u2014but we would hear the carnage out in the family room, and it ended terribly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut by the end of yesterday\u2019s [broadcast], we were like, \u201cLook at what God\u201d\u2014I mean, God saved you, saved your mom, brought your dad to Christ\u2014again, if you missed yesterday, go listen to it; you don\u2019t want to miss it. God took exactly what you say [is] your worst chapter and turned it into something beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> And I want to say, too, when you were saying you heard my story, and you thought, \u201cThat\u2019s just like my story,\u201d a lot of times, when I am teaching or I\u2019m writing\u2014whether it\u2019s about this or something else\u2014someone will say, \u201cI feel like you are talking just to me.\u201d Do you know why? We all have similar stories; we\u2019ve got the same enemy that wants to tear us down and the same Savior who wants to heal us. So we <em>do<\/em> have similar stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You travel; you speak to women. Are you hearing the same story that women are saying that over and over? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Over and over they say it. If someone is listening now, just know you are not alone. Whatever you\u2019ve gone through\u2014that you feel ashamed of or that you\u2019ve been hiding\u2014you are not alone in that. It is the devil\/the enemy that wants you to think you are the only one, and you are <em>not<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And by the way, there are two women sitting here\u2014and you are talking about women feeling this\u2014men feel this too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Even yesterday, Sharon, when you said, as your dad was doing these things and your family was in just chaos, you thought that there was something wrong with you. I felt the <em>exact<\/em> same thing. When Dad <em>left<\/em>\u2014I never said it out loud, I don\u2019t think\u2014but I was like, \u201cWhat is wrong with me that Dad wouldn\u2019t stay?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave, I felt the same thing because of sexual abuse that happened to me. I remember it happening with a new person; and at that point, at 7 years old, it wasn\u2019t \u201cWhy is this happening to me?\u201d My thought changed to: \u201cThere must be something wrong with me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the definition of shame\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014because shame takes something that happened <em>to you<\/em>, and you make it <em>who you are<\/em>: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say it was failure: instead of \u201cI failed\u201d; shame says, \u201c<em>I am<\/em> a failure.\u201d\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tOr when you\u2019ve been sexually abused, instead of a little child thinking\u2014they don\u2019t have the ability to even process: \u201cSomeone did this to me,\u201d\u2014it becomes who <em>I am<\/em>. That shame goes onto little girls and big girls. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I remember being in the car with a friend Lisa one time, and her little girl Brooke was about five years old in the backseat. Brooke said [youthful voice], \u201cMommy, is worse to pick at mosquito bites or scabs?\u201d [Laughter] Lisa said, \u201cWell, you shouldn\u2019t pick at either one of them.\u201d I looked back, and Brooke had done both; I mean, she had little bloody spots on her legs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was thinking about that, I thought, \u201cYou know, little girls aren\u2019t the only ones who pick at scabs; big girls do it too.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you mean by that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> We pick at emotional scabs. When we do that\u2014men do it too\u2014but when we pick at emotional scabs, we\u2019re not allowing it to <em>heal<\/em>. To get from a place of like, for me\/for my family\u2014my mom, my dad, and myself\u2014coming to Christ, well, that certainly is not the <em>end<\/em> of that story. You told me, Dave, <em>your<\/em> dad came to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were little girls\u2014and we became big girls\u2014and we had to deal with things that happened in our lives, but how are we going to <em>deal<\/em> with that? How\u2014and the subtitle is <em>What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?<\/em>\u2014that does not happen naturally. Some things have to happen in order for us to have, what I call, have a better story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI now want to mention this to what I said yesterday\u2014it\u2019s not usually the <em>whole<\/em> of our story we don\u2019t like\u2014it\u2019s usually certain <em>chapters<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t like the chapter of being abused\u2014that one chapter\u2014but not the <em>whole<\/em> story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it\u2019s interesting, Sharon, because so often, the chapter out of a hundred chapters\u2014that one or two chapters\u2014it defines everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Absolutely; there is something in the actual makeup in the brain that we remember traumatic events more than happy events. It\u2019s just the way our brains are wired. When we go through a traumatic event\u2014whether it has happened over a period of time or it\u2019s a one-time event\u2014they can form what the Bible calls strongholds that we hold onto; it\u2019s holding onto us, and we can\u2019t seem to get free of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you\u2019ve got some trauma in your life that you feel like is defining you, then there are some steps you need to go through in order to have a better story. I want to mention, too, people can very easily tell you bad things that happened in their lives. They can tell you difficulties they have had or how someone has hurt them. They could tell you about the mistakes they\u2019ve made\u2014less likely to do that\u2014but in order to have an effective story, you need to be on the <em>other<\/em> side of healing to have a story that\u2019s really going to help someone else that\u2019s going to glorify God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo how do we get to that place? Well, the first thing I think we need to do is to recognize that we have something that needs healing. God asks us: \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d Now, that seems like a strange question: \u201cOf course, I want to get well\u201d; but <em>do you really<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you an example; in John, Chapter 5, remember Jesus goes to the pool of Bethesda. There are men around this\u2014and women around\u2014this pool that are infirmed; they\u2019ve got all kinds of sicknesses. They believe that an angel comes down from heaven, and stirs the water, and the first one in gets healed. There is a man sitting there\u2014he is lame; he has been there for 38 years\u2014and Jesus comes up to that man and asks him a strange question. He asks him\u2014what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cDo you want to get healed?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d What a weird question! \u201cI\u2019ve been here for 38 years; of course, I want to get well!\u201d But you know what? The guy didn\u2019t even answer Jesus; he just started making excuses. He said, \u201cWell, when the water is stirred, nobody is here to help me. It\u2019s not my fault; it\u2019s other people\u2019s fault.\u201d That was <em>not<\/em> a discussion question\u2014that was a \u201cYes,\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d; not even multiple choice\u2014\u201c\u2019Yes,\u2019 or \u2018No\u2019; do you want to get well?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wonder if he really did\u2014because you think\u2014if this man got well, he\u2019d have to make some major changes in his life. He\u2019d have to stand on his own two feet; he\u2019d have to get a job. I mean, his life was going to be radically different. This is all he had known. \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d Well, he never answered Jesus; but Jesus just told him to take up his mat and walk: \u201cGet up and get going.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, 38 years sounds like a long time; but it was about 38 years in my own life before I started really accepting the healing that God wanted me to have in certain areas because of my childhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think\u2014if Jesus asked you: \u201cSharon, do you want to get well?\u201d\u2014what would you have said? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I would not have known <em>exactly<\/em> what my sickness was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is a <em>great<\/em> point, because I think a lot of people aren\u2019t aware. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I wouldn\u2019t have known. God sent another woman in my life\u2014she was an older woman in my church at the time\u2014it makes me kind of queasy saying that; because now, I\u2019m her age. [Laughter] Now, I\u2019m that older woman! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as I was going to Bible studies, and I was teaching Bible studies at the time, Mary Marshall pulled me aside; and she said, \u201cSharon, I can see the insecurity in you, and God wants to heal you of that.\u201d She took me through a process of overcoming feelings of insecurity, and inadequacy, and inferiority that I felt because of what the messages that I heard, as a child, carried. I knew Jesus: listen, you can know Jesus, and be teaching Bible studies, and be under a cloud of shame and a cloud of feeling like you are so <em>less than<\/em> everybody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you are 38 years old; and you are doing all these great things for the kingdom. You\u2019re still carrying that question, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I did too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014still there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to say. I think if someone had said to me, \u201cDo you have shame?\u201d I would have thought, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t\/I don\u2019t know; I\u2019ve never even thought about that.\u201d Then I would list off all the things I was <em>doing<\/em> for Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yet, if you look at: \u201cWhat are the symptoms?\u201d\u2014and I think we need to do that as women; maybe, as men too, Dave\u2014I was so insecure. I had the self-talk of: \u201cYou\u2019re failing,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re bad at this,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re ugly.\u201d The self-talk, I wasn\u2019t aware that was going on in my mind, was a reflection of the shame I was carrying. I could never praise any other woman. I was in competition, constantly, because of my own security; those are all signs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> But you probably\u2014if you were anything like me\u2014you thought, \u201cThat\u2019s just who I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause I\u2019ve always had it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It\u2019s like this\u2014my husband, every day, when he worked\u2014he just retired\u2014he would get up at 5:30; take a shower; he would put change in his pocket; put the keys in his pockets; he would blow his nose and make other noises I won\u2019t get into\u2014[Laughter]\u2014then, when he left the house, the alarm would go off: that little beep, beep. You know what? I <em>never<\/em> heard it. Why? Because I was accustomed to hearing it every day, and my mind just shut it out. We can get so used to telling ourselves lies\u2014\u201cI\u2019m no good,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m ugly,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t do this,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t do that,\u201d\u2014we can get so accustomed to telling ourselves those lies that we don\u2019t know it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why David said, \u201cAwake, my soul.\u201d Who is he talking to? He\u2019s talking to himself, basically, saying, \u201cPay attention soul!\u201d We need to pay attention to what we are telling ourselves. I love\u2014D.L. Moody once said, \u201cIn order to tell that a stick is crooked, you don\u2019t argue about it or denounce it. You simply lay a straight stick alongside it,\u201d\u2014and we need to put beside what we are telling ourselves, along beside God\u2019s Word, and say, \u201cIs this true?\u201d If it is <em>not<\/em> true\u2014if it does <em>not<\/em> line up with Scripture about what God says about who we are\u2014we need to <em>reject<\/em> that lie and replace it with the truth. So that part of that healing was: \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, with Mary Marshall Young, I said, \u201cYes, I want to overcome this. How am I going to get well?\u201d We all have to make that decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When she said to you\u2014\u201cHey, I see these insecurities\u201d\u2014did you agree? I mean, did you see it as well? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Honestly, I did not really understand what my identity in Christ <em>meant<\/em>. I knew the verses\u2014I had even memorized them\u2014but I didn\u2019t really think they were true for me. I thought they were true for other people. The bottom line is we have to decide: \u201cDoes God tell the truth?\u201d Whoa!\u2014that is a big sentence\u2014\u201cDoes God tell the truth? Does He tell the truth about who I really am as His child?\u201d It was a learning process of a couple of years, honestly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let me say this: I never wrote my first book until after that time with her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It really took being well of that\u2014and I\u2019m not saying I\u2019ve never struggled with insecurities again or feeling inadequate again; I still struggle with that\u2014but now I know how to fight the lies with the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat first step to having a better story is deciding: \u201cI want to get well,\u201d and\u00a0 not allowing what happened to us to\u2014or listen, it\u2019s not just what happened <em>to me<\/em> by other people\u2014but it\u2019s also what has happened <em>through<\/em> me by the mistakes that <em>I<\/em> have made. Maybe, someone has had an abortion in their past; or maybe, they\u2019ve been sexually promiscuous in their past; or they\u2019ve committed a crime in their past, and they\u2019ve asked that God forgive them. So it\u2019s not just what has been done to me; but making a decision: \u201cI want to be well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tOnce you make that decision that\u2014\u201cYes, I want to be well,\u201d and that you\u2019re willing to do the work\u2014the second step is to forgive those people who have hurt you. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I was sitting at a college football game one time. I was sitting on the end of a row. People kept tripping on the step right beside me\u2014they had popcorn; they had their drinks\u2014they kept tripping and spill a little bit of drink. After a while, it kind of got comical. [Laughter] Don\u2019t think badly of me\u2014but I was trying not to laugh\u2014nobody got hurt. At half-time, I went and measured that step and the other steps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait! You measured because you thought, \u201cWhy are people tripping?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cWhy are people tripping over this step?\u201d It was about a quarter-inch higher. Now, that\u2019s how forgiveness is in our life. I think that is a step that many Christians trip over in their stories. Yet, it\u2019s what our faith is based on. Our <em>whole faith<\/em> is based on forgiveness; and yet, we struggle with forgiving other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love what the\u2014the New Testament is written in Greek; the Old Testament in Hebrew\u2014the actual Greek word for forgiveness in the New Testament is called <em>aphiemi<\/em>. Now, it means to let someone loose; to cut someone loose; to let someone go free. Now, in my Southern-ness, I have a little app on my phone that lets me say these difficult words because that <em>aphiemi<\/em> doesn\u2019t just roll off my tongue. [Laughter] So what I was\/I kept saying: \u201cOff of me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cOff of me.\u201d Isn\u2019t that what forgiveness is?\u2014\u201cOff of me.\u201d So to forgive someone means, really, basically: to cut someone loose. And unforgiveness\u2014what would be the opposite?\u2014it would be to strap someone on. When we choose <em>not<\/em> to forgive someone, it\u2019s like we are carrying that burden of unforgiveness around with us; it\u2019s such a heavy burden to carry. But when we forgive them, we cut the burden loose; and we let them go free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting; I was just thinking of a Scripture that Jesus said, \u201cI have come to set the captives free.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I did not write this sentence, and it\u2019s so great\u2014I do not know who said it\u2014\u201cForgiveness is setting the prisoner free, but realizing the prisoner was you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, Lewis Smedes: it\u2019s in his book, <em>Forgive or Forget<\/em>; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> That is so true; isn\u2019t it? Another quote is: \u201cUnforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.\u201d I don\u2019t know who said that either, but I sure love it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Okay. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I mean, I\u2019ve been on a similar journey with forgiveness with my dad. Our listeners, right now, are going, \u201cYes, but you don\u2019t understand how <em>hard<\/em> it is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes, I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause this person destroyed my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014 and \u201cThey don\u2019t deserve it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we do; we do understand; it <em>really<\/em> is hard. I was 35 before I forgave my dad. I started the journey when I was like 30. I\u2019m like, \u201cI will forgive him next weekend,\u201d\u2014I <em>know<\/em> this: Ephesians 4:32, \u2018Forgive as you\u2019ve been forgiven,\u2019\u2014I\u2019ll forgive him next weekend.\u201d It took me five years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to walk that journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You went through your <em>own<\/em> healing process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I\u2019m sure you [Sharon] did the same thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, when I was in my 20s, I had gone to school for 2 years; and then I went and got a 2-year associates degree in dental hygiene. Then I worked two years. Then I felt like God was calling me back to school, but I could not hear from God. I was just praying and hitting a brick wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first year I felt that I should go back; the second year\u2014same thing\u2014not hearing from God. I went to one of my mentors, this precious man. I said, \u201cCan you pray for me?\u2014because I really can\u2019t get an answer on this.\u201d He read me many of those verses about: \u201cAsk and you shall receive,\u201d\u2014but wouldn\u2019t you know it?!\u2014he put it in context. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t you hate it when people do that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> So he read the verses before and after\u2014and every one of those verses had a passage on forgiveness\u2014he said, \u201cSharon, I feel like the reason you\u2019re not hearing from God is because you <em>still<\/em> have unforgiveness for your father.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re blocked\u201d; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Even though my dad had become a Christian, every time he did something wrong, that anger came back in me\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014that hurt came back. That night, I did forgive my father for everything he had done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what? I started hearing from God again. I knew what to do\u2014and I\u2019m not saying that, once you forgive someone, you\u2019re going to strike it rich, and all your dreams are going to come true\u2014but I do know that, when we have unforgiveness in our hearts, then we can\u2019t hear from God as we should; there is a block there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned, Ann, that we don\u2019t forgive because we feel like they <em>don\u2019t<\/em> deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, absolutely, they probably don\u2019t deserve it; but guess what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Neither do we; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I don\u2019t deserve it; <em>you<\/em> don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> None of us deserves God\u2019s forgiveness; and yet, He forgave us. Scripture tells us to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. Well, they might not deserve it\u2014but you deserve it\u2014because the people we choose not to forgive\u2014they don\u2019t care; okay?\u2014and most of the time, they don\u2019t even know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019re trying to punish them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> But we\u2019re punishing <em>ourselves<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re trying to punish them, but we\u2019re punishing ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> So we don\u2019t forgive someone because they deserve it\u2014and we\u2019re not saying what they did isn\u2019t wrong\u2014what we <em>are<\/em> saying is we are going to let it go. We\u2019re going to give the burden of justice to God, and <em>we<\/em> are going to be free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and they may not be, but we will: I\u2019ve experienced that; you\u2019ve experienced that. But here is the thing\u2014I know you said there are four steps\u2014you\u2019ve only got two. Can you do the other two? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; what are they? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, the third one is\u2014we call forgiveness: \u201cComing out of the pain place,\u201d\u2014the next one is: \u201cComing out of the shame place,\u201d\u2014that, like I mentioned, sometimes, it\u2019s when someone has hurt us; and sometimes, it is the decisions that <em>we\u2019ve<\/em> made that are causing us to be stuck. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSo \u201cReceiving God\u2019s forgiveness and letting it go\u201d; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cComing out of the shame place\u201d; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tand the fourth step is so important; it\u2019s: \u201cOnce you feel like you are ready and healed is to tell your story.\u201d We\u2019re going back to where we started\u2014with my dad coming to Christ\u2014because there was a man [pastor], who was willing to tell his story. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce you tell your story how God has healed you, and brought you through the difficult chapters in your life, then they will become your greatest victories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, we sort of come back to where we started yesterday\u20142 Corinthians 1\u2014\u201cHe comforts us in our afflictions so that\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cso that..\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014the purpose is those stories, literally, are what God uses; it\u2019s like\u2014weakness\/brokenness\u2014God just redeems to connect with other people, who are living in that same valley, and saying, \u201cThere is a way out; His name is Jesus. You can have victory.\u201d That is how He changes broken stories to beautiful stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Many of us have heard the phrase: \u201cHurt people hurt people,\u201d\u2014but the opposite is also true\u2014\u201cTransformed people transform people.\u201d As we see God work in our lives, and help us overcome the shame of our past\/our history, we are offered forgiveness\u2014we <em>receive<\/em> forgiveness\u2014and then we are able to <em>extend<\/em> that forgiveness to others. People, as a result, are transformed. When we intentionally receive the grace of God, we are able to step out of the shame of our past, and then tell our story and watch God work in the lives of other people as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and Ann Wilson have been talking with Sharon Jaynes today about her book, <em>When You Don\u2019t Like Your Story: What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?<\/em> We believe in this book so much that, when you head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation of any amount, we\u2019re going to send you a copy of this book as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for giving and advancing the gospel effort of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d You can find it at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can pick up the phone and call us at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Make your request there, and you can receive a copy of Sharon Jaynes\u2019s book. Thanks, in advance, for your support; and we hope you enjoy this fantastic resource. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWatching God heal brokenness is something that we\u2019ve seen done in so many different ways, particularly at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> event. I have the president of FamilyLife with me here today, David Robbins. David, you\u2019ve had lots of opportunities to see God work in the midst of the brokenness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I so appreciate the conversation today about how hard chapters\u2014and even the <em>worst<\/em> chapter in our lives\u2014can be the things that shape our stories and that God moves in greatly. What we see all the time at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways is that people come in, and the realities of life had drifted couples apart. Really, the simplicity of what we do is\u2014certainly, offer up truth from God\u2019s Word\u2014but also get people looking in the eye and having conversations that, really, just the speed of life doesn\u2019t allow you to have. And no matter what chapter you are in your life currently, getting time away to spend time with one another, and focus on one another, could be something that God restores and starts a new chapter that you\u2019ve been longing for in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right. You can head over to FamilyLifeToday.com, find different locations about where the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> events are, find a time, sign up, and watch God do <em>amazing<\/em> things in your marriage. Again, you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can give us a call at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there is a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> conference that\u2019s happening in Charlotte, North Carolina, this weekend. We\u2019d love it if you\u2019d take a second to pray for the couples who will be attending this upcoming weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, on Monday, we hope you can join us as we talk about restoring our lasting values that can amplify God\u2019s greatness. James Merritt is going to be joining Dave and Ann Wilson next week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of our FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or a family member. And wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance what we\u2019re doing at FamilyLife if you\u2019d scroll down and rate and review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:34"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.41M"],"filesize_raw":["24551680"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-307433.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-307433.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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could you heal your story's brokenness so you can share it? Bestselling author Sharon Jaynes talks about how to emerge from shame --toward healing.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> The people that we choose not to forgive\u2014they don\u2019t care; okay?\u2014and most of the time, they don\u2019t even know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t forgive someone because they deserve it\u2014and we\u2019re not saying that what they did isn\u2019t wrong\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014what we are saying is we are going to give the burden of justice to God, and <em>we<\/em> are going to be free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think I know what you are going to say,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014but what would you say was the lowest point of our marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, no doubt\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Please don\u2019t say yesterday or today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing our listeners would know this answer. It was our ten-year anniversary when I told you, \u201cI\u2019ve got nothing left. I\u2019ve lost all of my feelings for you\u201d; and I felt, in my heart, like, \u201cI\u2019m done; I\u2019ve got nothing\u201d; and I didn\u2019t even have hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was 31 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So now, when you think of that moment, what do you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> God used <em>that<\/em> moment to catapult us into what He designed for our future; whereas, I look at it, and I think Satan\u2014his design was that our marriage would end; we would be hopeless; you would be out of ministry\u2014that was his goal. God said, \u201cWait until you see what I do with the lowest point of your life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that is what I thought you would say; because it is interesting to think what we felt in that moment\u2014which was absolute despair\u2014now, we are sitting here, right now, in this studio with FamilyLife because of that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I don\u2019t think He said, \u201cOh, I want this to happen.\u201d It was our <em>own<\/em> sin; it was our\/they were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was <em>my<\/em> sin. Go ahead: you can say it was mine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was mine, too; because I made our marriage an idol. But isn\u2019t God so <em>gracious<\/em> that, when we try to hide things, He says, \u201cLet Me have it, and wait until you see what a miracle I can do with it if you let Me\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I think what we discovered is the truth of God. He uses <em>all<\/em> stories, and He turns them to a beautiful story if we let Him do it. That\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about today with Sharon Jaynes; we\u2019ve got her back in the studio. We talked about <em>her<\/em> story yesterday. Sharon, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Thanks! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re giving listeners, especially women, so much help in areas that we feel like we are broken and we\u2019re lost; and you give us hope. In your book, <em>When You Don\u2019t Like Your Story<\/em>\u2014and the subtitle is:<em> What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?<\/em>\u2014again, you give us that hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that\u2019s what you told us <em>yesterday<\/em>. We were all in the studio, in tears, with your\/Sharon, yesterday, when you were talking about your story with your dad\u2019s drinking problem, and the fights,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the abuse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and running to the corners of the home to avoid it. That is <em>exactly<\/em> my story <em>with<\/em> my sister\u2014she and I would go hide away from\u2014but we would hear the carnage out in the family room, and it ended terribly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut by the end of yesterday\u2019s [broadcast], we were like, \u201cLook at what God\u201d\u2014I mean, God saved you, saved your mom, brought your dad to Christ\u2014again, if you missed yesterday, go listen to it; you don\u2019t want to miss it. God took exactly what you say [is] your worst chapter and turned it into something beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> And I want to say, too, when you were saying you heard my story, and you thought, \u201cThat\u2019s just like my story,\u201d a lot of times, when I am teaching or I\u2019m writing\u2014whether it\u2019s about this or something else\u2014someone will say, \u201cI feel like you are talking just to me.\u201d Do you know why? We all have similar stories; we\u2019ve got the same enemy that wants to tear us down and the same Savior who wants to heal us. So we <em>do<\/em> have similar stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You travel; you speak to women. Are you hearing the same story that women are saying that over and over? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Over and over they say it. If someone is listening now, just know you are not alone. Whatever you\u2019ve gone through\u2014that you feel ashamed of or that you\u2019ve been hiding\u2014you are not alone in that. It is the devil\/the enemy that wants you to think you are the only one, and you are <em>not<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And by the way, there are two women sitting here\u2014and you are talking about women feeling this\u2014men feel this too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Even yesterday, Sharon, when you said, as your dad was doing these things and your family was in just chaos, you thought that there was something wrong with you. I felt the <em>exact<\/em> same thing. When Dad <em>left<\/em>\u2014I never said it out loud, I don\u2019t think\u2014but I was like, \u201cWhat is wrong with me that Dad wouldn\u2019t stay?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave, I felt the same thing because of sexual abuse that happened to me. I remember it happening with a new person; and at that point, at 7 years old, it wasn\u2019t \u201cWhy is this happening to me?\u201d My thought changed to: \u201cThere must be something wrong with me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> And that\u2019s the definition of shame\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014because shame takes something that happened <em>to you<\/em>, and you make it <em>who you are<\/em>: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say it was failure: instead of \u201cI failed\u201d; shame says, \u201c<em>I am<\/em> a failure.\u201d\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tOr when you\u2019ve been sexually abused, instead of a little child thinking\u2014they don\u2019t have the ability to even process: \u201cSomeone did this to me,\u201d\u2014it becomes who <em>I am<\/em>. That shame goes onto little girls and big girls. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I remember being in the car with a friend Lisa one time, and her little girl Brooke was about five years old in the backseat. Brooke said [youthful voice], \u201cMommy, is worse to pick at mosquito bites or scabs?\u201d [Laughter] Lisa said, \u201cWell, you shouldn\u2019t pick at either one of them.\u201d I looked back, and Brooke had done both; I mean, she had little bloody spots on her legs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was thinking about that, I thought, \u201cYou know, little girls aren\u2019t the only ones who pick at scabs; big girls do it too.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do you mean by that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> We pick at emotional scabs. When we do that\u2014men do it too\u2014but when we pick at emotional scabs, we\u2019re not allowing it to <em>heal<\/em>. To get from a place of like, for me\/for my family\u2014my mom, my dad, and myself\u2014coming to Christ, well, that certainly is not the <em>end<\/em> of that story. You told me, Dave, <em>your<\/em> dad came to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were little girls\u2014and we became big girls\u2014and we had to deal with things that happened in our lives, but how are we going to <em>deal<\/em> with that? How\u2014and the subtitle is <em>What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?<\/em>\u2014that does not happen naturally. Some things have to happen in order for us to have, what I call, have a better story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI now want to mention this to what I said yesterday\u2014it\u2019s not usually the <em>whole<\/em> of our story we don\u2019t like\u2014it\u2019s usually certain <em>chapters<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t like the chapter of being abused\u2014that one chapter\u2014but not the <em>whole<\/em> story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it\u2019s interesting, Sharon, because so often, the chapter out of a hundred chapters\u2014that one or two chapters\u2014it defines everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Absolutely; there is something in the actual makeup in the brain that we remember traumatic events more than happy events. It\u2019s just the way our brains are wired. When we go through a traumatic event\u2014whether it has happened over a period of time or it\u2019s a one-time event\u2014they can form what the Bible calls strongholds that we hold onto; it\u2019s holding onto us, and we can\u2019t seem to get free of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you\u2019ve got some trauma in your life that you feel like is defining you, then there are some steps you need to go through in order to have a better story. I want to mention, too, people can very easily tell you bad things that happened in their lives. They can tell you difficulties they have had or how someone has hurt them. They could tell you about the mistakes they\u2019ve made\u2014less likely to do that\u2014but in order to have an effective story, you need to be on the <em>other<\/em> side of healing to have a story that\u2019s really going to help someone else that\u2019s going to glorify God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo how do we get to that place? Well, the first thing I think we need to do is to recognize that we have something that needs healing. God asks us: \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d Now, that seems like a strange question: \u201cOf course, I want to get well\u201d; but <em>do you really<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you an example; in John, Chapter 5, remember Jesus goes to the pool of Bethesda. There are men around this\u2014and women around\u2014this pool that are infirmed; they\u2019ve got all kinds of sicknesses. They believe that an angel comes down from heaven, and stirs the water, and the first one in gets healed. There is a man sitting there\u2014he is lame; he has been there for 38 years\u2014and Jesus comes up to that man and asks him a strange question. He asks him\u2014what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cDo you want to get healed?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d What a weird question! \u201cI\u2019ve been here for 38 years; of course, I want to get well!\u201d But you know what? The guy didn\u2019t even answer Jesus; he just started making excuses. He said, \u201cWell, when the water is stirred, nobody is here to help me. It\u2019s not my fault; it\u2019s other people\u2019s fault.\u201d That was <em>not<\/em> a discussion question\u2014that was a \u201cYes,\u201d or \u201cNo,\u201d; not even multiple choice\u2014\u201c\u2019Yes,\u2019 or \u2018No\u2019; do you want to get well?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wonder if he really did\u2014because you think\u2014if this man got well, he\u2019d have to make some major changes in his life. He\u2019d have to stand on his own two feet; he\u2019d have to get a job. I mean, his life was going to be radically different. This is all he had known. \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d Well, he never answered Jesus; but Jesus just told him to take up his mat and walk: \u201cGet up and get going.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, 38 years sounds like a long time; but it was about 38 years in my own life before I started really accepting the healing that God wanted me to have in certain areas because of my childhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think\u2014if Jesus asked you: \u201cSharon, do you want to get well?\u201d\u2014what would you have said? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I would not have known <em>exactly<\/em> what my sickness was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That is a <em>great<\/em> point, because I think a lot of people aren\u2019t aware. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I wouldn\u2019t have known. God sent another woman in my life\u2014she was an older woman in my church at the time\u2014it makes me kind of queasy saying that; because now, I\u2019m her age. [Laughter] Now, I\u2019m that older woman! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as I was going to Bible studies, and I was teaching Bible studies at the time, Mary Marshall pulled me aside; and she said, \u201cSharon, I can see the insecurity in you, and God wants to heal you of that.\u201d She took me through a process of overcoming feelings of insecurity, and inadequacy, and inferiority that I felt because of what the messages that I heard, as a child, carried. I knew Jesus: listen, you can know Jesus, and be teaching Bible studies, and be under a cloud of shame and a cloud of feeling like you are so <em>less than<\/em> everybody else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you are 38 years old; and you are doing all these great things for the kingdom. You\u2019re still carrying that question, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I did too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014still there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to say. I think if someone had said to me, \u201cDo you have shame?\u201d I would have thought, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t\/I don\u2019t know; I\u2019ve never even thought about that.\u201d Then I would list off all the things I was <em>doing<\/em> for Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yet, if you look at: \u201cWhat are the symptoms?\u201d\u2014and I think we need to do that as women; maybe, as men too, Dave\u2014I was so insecure. I had the self-talk of: \u201cYou\u2019re failing,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re bad at this,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re ugly.\u201d The self-talk, I wasn\u2019t aware that was going on in my mind, was a reflection of the shame I was carrying. I could never praise any other woman. I was in competition, constantly, because of my own security; those are all signs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> But you probably\u2014if you were anything like me\u2014you thought, \u201cThat\u2019s just who I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause I\u2019ve always had it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It\u2019s like this\u2014my husband, every day, when he worked\u2014he just retired\u2014he would get up at 5:30; take a shower; he would put change in his pocket; put the keys in his pockets; he would blow his nose and make other noises I won\u2019t get into\u2014[Laughter]\u2014then, when he left the house, the alarm would go off: that little beep, beep. You know what? I <em>never<\/em> heard it. Why? Because I was accustomed to hearing it every day, and my mind just shut it out. We can get so used to telling ourselves lies\u2014\u201cI\u2019m no good,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m ugly,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t do this,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t do that,\u201d\u2014we can get so accustomed to telling ourselves those lies that we don\u2019t know it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why David said, \u201cAwake, my soul.\u201d Who is he talking to? He\u2019s talking to himself, basically, saying, \u201cPay attention soul!\u201d We need to pay attention to what we are telling ourselves. I love\u2014D.L. Moody once said, \u201cIn order to tell that a stick is crooked, you don\u2019t argue about it or denounce it. You simply lay a straight stick alongside it,\u201d\u2014and we need to put beside what we are telling ourselves, along beside God\u2019s Word, and say, \u201cIs this true?\u201d If it is <em>not<\/em> true\u2014if it does <em>not<\/em> line up with Scripture about what God says about who we are\u2014we need to <em>reject<\/em> that lie and replace it with the truth. So that part of that healing was: \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, with Mary Marshall Young, I said, \u201cYes, I want to overcome this. How am I going to get well?\u201d We all have to make that decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When she said to you\u2014\u201cHey, I see these insecurities\u201d\u2014did you agree? I mean, did you see it as well? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Honestly, I did not really understand what my identity in Christ <em>meant<\/em>. I knew the verses\u2014I had even memorized them\u2014but I didn\u2019t really think they were true for me. I thought they were true for other people. The bottom line is we have to decide: \u201cDoes God tell the truth?\u201d Whoa!\u2014that is a big sentence\u2014\u201cDoes God tell the truth? Does He tell the truth about who I really am as His child?\u201d It was a learning process of a couple of years, honestly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let me say this: I never wrote my first book until after that time with her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> It really took being well of that\u2014and I\u2019m not saying I\u2019ve never struggled with insecurities again or feeling inadequate again; I still struggle with that\u2014but now I know how to fight the lies with the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat first step to having a better story is deciding: \u201cI want to get well,\u201d and\u00a0 not allowing what happened to us to\u2014or listen, it\u2019s not just what happened <em>to me<\/em> by other people\u2014but it\u2019s also what has happened <em>through<\/em> me by the mistakes that <em>I<\/em> have made. Maybe, someone has had an abortion in their past; or maybe, they\u2019ve been sexually promiscuous in their past; or they\u2019ve committed a crime in their past, and they\u2019ve asked that God forgive them. So it\u2019s not just what has been done to me; but making a decision: \u201cI want to be well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tOnce you make that decision that\u2014\u201cYes, I want to be well,\u201d and that you\u2019re willing to do the work\u2014the second step is to forgive those people who have hurt you. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I was sitting at a college football game one time. I was sitting on the end of a row. People kept tripping on the step right beside me\u2014they had popcorn; they had their drinks\u2014they kept tripping and spill a little bit of drink. After a while, it kind of got comical. [Laughter] Don\u2019t think badly of me\u2014but I was trying not to laugh\u2014nobody got hurt. At half-time, I went and measured that step and the other steps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait! You measured because you thought, \u201cWhy are people tripping?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cWhy are people tripping over this step?\u201d It was about a quarter-inch higher. Now, that\u2019s how forgiveness is in our life. I think that is a step that many Christians trip over in their stories. Yet, it\u2019s what our faith is based on. Our <em>whole faith<\/em> is based on forgiveness; and yet, we struggle with forgiving other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love what the\u2014the New Testament is written in Greek; the Old Testament in Hebrew\u2014the actual Greek word for forgiveness in the New Testament is called <em>aphiemi<\/em>. Now, it means to let someone loose; to cut someone loose; to let someone go free. Now, in my Southern-ness, I have a little app on my phone that lets me say these difficult words because that <em>aphiemi<\/em> doesn\u2019t just roll off my tongue. [Laughter] So what I was\/I kept saying: \u201cOff of me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u201cOff of me.\u201d Isn\u2019t that what forgiveness is?\u2014\u201cOff of me.\u201d So to forgive someone means, really, basically: to cut someone loose. And unforgiveness\u2014what would be the opposite?\u2014it would be to strap someone on. When we choose <em>not<\/em> to forgive someone, it\u2019s like we are carrying that burden of unforgiveness around with us; it\u2019s such a heavy burden to carry. But when we forgive them, we cut the burden loose; and we let them go free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting; I was just thinking of a Scripture that Jesus said, \u201cI have come to set the captives free.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I did not write this sentence, and it\u2019s so great\u2014I do not know who said it\u2014\u201cForgiveness is setting the prisoner free, but realizing the prisoner was you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, Lewis Smedes: it\u2019s in his book, <em>Forgive or Forget<\/em>; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> That is so true; isn\u2019t it? Another quote is: \u201cUnforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.\u201d I don\u2019t know who said that either, but I sure love it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Okay. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I mean, I\u2019ve been on a similar journey with forgiveness with my dad. Our listeners, right now, are going, \u201cYes, but you don\u2019t understand how <em>hard<\/em> it is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes, I do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause this person destroyed my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014 and \u201cThey don\u2019t deserve it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, we do; we do understand; it <em>really<\/em> is hard. I was 35 before I forgave my dad. I started the journey when I was like 30. I\u2019m like, \u201cI will forgive him next weekend,\u201d\u2014I <em>know<\/em> this: Ephesians 4:32, \u2018Forgive as you\u2019ve been forgiven,\u2019\u2014I\u2019ll forgive him next weekend.\u201d It took me five years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to walk that journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You went through your <em>own<\/em> healing process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I\u2019m sure you [Sharon] did the same thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, when I was in my 20s, I had gone to school for 2 years; and then I went and got a 2-year associates degree in dental hygiene. Then I worked two years. Then I felt like God was calling me back to school, but I could not hear from God. I was just praying and hitting a brick wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first year I felt that I should go back; the second year\u2014same thing\u2014not hearing from God. I went to one of my mentors, this precious man. I said, \u201cCan you pray for me?\u2014because I really can\u2019t get an answer on this.\u201d He read me many of those verses about: \u201cAsk and you shall receive,\u201d\u2014but wouldn\u2019t you know it?!\u2014he put it in context. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t you hate it when people do that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> So he read the verses before and after\u2014and every one of those verses had a passage on forgiveness\u2014he said, \u201cSharon, I feel like the reason you\u2019re not hearing from God is because you <em>still<\/em> have unforgiveness for your father.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re blocked\u201d; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Even though my dad had become a Christian, every time he did something wrong, that anger came back in me\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> \u2014that hurt came back. That night, I did forgive my father for everything he had done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what? I started hearing from God again. I knew what to do\u2014and I\u2019m not saying that, once you forgive someone, you\u2019re going to strike it rich, and all your dreams are going to come true\u2014but I do know that, when we have unforgiveness in our hearts, then we can\u2019t hear from God as we should; there is a block there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned, Ann, that we don\u2019t forgive because we feel like they <em>don\u2019t<\/em> deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, absolutely, they probably don\u2019t deserve it; but guess what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Neither do we; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> I don\u2019t deserve it; <em>you<\/em> don\u2019t deserve it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> None of us deserves God\u2019s forgiveness; and yet, He forgave us. Scripture tells us to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. Well, they might not deserve it\u2014but you deserve it\u2014because the people we choose not to forgive\u2014they don\u2019t care; okay?\u2014and most of the time, they don\u2019t even know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019re trying to punish them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> But we\u2019re punishing <em>ourselves<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re trying to punish them, but we\u2019re punishing ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> So we don\u2019t forgive someone because they deserve it\u2014and we\u2019re not saying what they did isn\u2019t wrong\u2014what we <em>are<\/em> saying is we are going to let it go. We\u2019re going to give the burden of justice to God, and <em>we<\/em> are going to be free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and they may not be, but we will: I\u2019ve experienced that; you\u2019ve experienced that. But here is the thing\u2014I know you said there are four steps\u2014you\u2019ve only got two. Can you do the other two? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; what are they? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong> Well, the third one is\u2014we call forgiveness: \u201cComing out of the pain place,\u201d\u2014the next one is: \u201cComing out of the shame place,\u201d\u2014that, like I mentioned, sometimes, it\u2019s when someone has hurt us; and sometimes, it is the decisions that <em>we\u2019ve<\/em> made that are causing us to be stuck. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tSo \u201cReceiving God\u2019s forgiveness and letting it go\u201d; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\u201cComing out of the shame place\u201d; \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><ul><li>\n\t\t\t\t\tand the fourth step is so important; it\u2019s: \u201cOnce you feel like you are ready and healed is to tell your story.\u201d We\u2019re going back to where we started\u2014with my dad coming to Christ\u2014because there was a man [pastor], who was willing to tell his story. \n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t<\/ul><p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce you tell your story how God has healed you, and brought you through the difficult chapters in your life, then they will become your greatest victories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, we sort of come back to where we started yesterday\u20142 Corinthians 1\u2014\u201cHe comforts us in our afflictions so that\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cso that..\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014the purpose is those stories, literally, are what God uses; it\u2019s like\u2014weakness\/brokenness\u2014God just redeems to connect with other people, who are living in that same valley, and saying, \u201cThere is a way out; His name is Jesus. You can have victory.\u201d That is how He changes broken stories to beautiful stories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Many of us have heard the phrase: \u201cHurt people hurt people,\u201d\u2014but the opposite is also true\u2014\u201cTransformed people transform people.\u201d As we see God work in our lives, and help us overcome the shame of our past\/our history, we are offered forgiveness\u2014we <em>receive<\/em> forgiveness\u2014and then we are able to <em>extend<\/em> that forgiveness to others. People, as a result, are transformed. When we intentionally receive the grace of God, we are able to step out of the shame of our past, and then tell our story and watch God work in the lives of other people as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and Ann Wilson have been talking with Sharon Jaynes today about her book, <em>When You Don\u2019t Like Your Story: What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories?<\/em> We believe in this book so much that, when you head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation of any amount, we\u2019re going to send you a copy of this book as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for giving and advancing the gospel effort of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d You can find it at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can pick up the phone and call us at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Make your request there, and you can receive a copy of Sharon Jaynes\u2019s book. Thanks, in advance, for your support; and we hope you enjoy this fantastic resource. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWatching God heal brokenness is something that we\u2019ve seen done in so many different ways, particularly at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> event. I have the president of FamilyLife with me here today, David Robbins. David, you\u2019ve had lots of opportunities to see God work in the midst of the brokenness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I so appreciate the conversation today about how hard chapters\u2014and even the <em>worst<\/em> chapter in our lives\u2014can be the things that shape our stories and that God moves in greatly. What we see all the time at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways is that people come in, and the realities of life had drifted couples apart. Really, the simplicity of what we do is\u2014certainly, offer up truth from God\u2019s Word\u2014but also get people looking in the eye and having conversations that, really, just the speed of life doesn\u2019t allow you to have. And no matter what chapter you are in your life currently, getting time away to spend time with one another, and focus on one another, could be something that God restores and starts a new chapter that you\u2019ve been longing for in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right. You can head over to FamilyLifeToday.com, find different locations about where the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> events are, find a time, sign up, and watch God do <em>amazing<\/em> things in your marriage. Again, you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can give us a call at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there is a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> conference that\u2019s happening in Charlotte, North Carolina, this weekend. We\u2019d love it if you\u2019d take a second to pray for the couples who will be attending this upcoming weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, on Monday, we hope you can join us as we talk about restoring our lasting values that can amplify God\u2019s greatness. James Merritt is going to be joining Dave and Ann Wilson next week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf this content today, or any of our FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or a family member. And wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance what we\u2019re doing at FamilyLife if you\u2019d scroll down and rate and review us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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