{"id":307429,"date":"2022-03-07T08:02:07","date_gmt":"2022-03-07T13:02:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/sexual-sin-my-story\/"},"modified":"2022-03-07T08:02:07","modified_gmt":"2022-03-07T13:02:07","slug":"sexual-sin-my-story","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sexual-sin-my-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Sexual Sin: My Story"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Author and pastor Garrett Kell knows well the crushing weight of sexual sin. His story crosses abject hopelessness and suffocating guilt, leading him to freedom at last.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tBonus: Listen to guests, Garrett Kell and Ray Ortlund as they expand on the affects of pornography and how we can win against it.<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.<br \/>\n \tFind more content and resources on the FamilyLife&#8217;s app!<br \/>\n \tHelp others find Familylife.\u00a0 Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all the Familylife&#8217;s on the FamilyLife Podcast Network<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author and pastor Garrett Kell knows well the crushing weight of sexual sin. His story crosses abject hopelessness and suffocating guilt, leading him to freedom at last.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-07.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:19","filesize":"24.1M","filesize_raw":"25273457","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2844,2827],"tags":[4637],"podcast_series":[8510],"cwp_profile":[9760],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-307429","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pornography","category-repentance","tag-sexual-sin","podcast_series-garrett-kell-pure-in-heart","cwp_profile-j-garrett-kell","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/307429\/sexual-sin-my-story","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/307429\/sexual-sin-my-story","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"IIqSJJmMj3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sexual-sin-my-story\/\">Sexual Sin: My Story<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/sexual-sin-my-story\/embed\/#?secret=IIqSJJmMj3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Sexual Sin: My Story&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"IIqSJJmMj3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Today\u2019s conversation on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> covers some sensitive, but important, subjects that might not be good for younger ears. So please use discretion when listening to this next broadcast. Now let\u2019s jump into it.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> There\u2019s no perfect people in this room; and that\u2019s the kind of people that Jesus comes after. He didn\u2019t come for the people that have it all together, but people who need him. And whether that\u2019s because we\u2019re the ones hiding sin, or we\u2019re the ones who have been hurt by sin, everybody needs His grace. I\u2019m just trusting that people, who are listening today, that everybody is going to become aware of the fact that Jesus can help them, no matter where they are\u2014whether they\u2019re the ones hiding sin or they\u2019re the ones that have been sinned against\u2014that Jesus is their help and hope.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So I would say hiding a secret in marriage or even in your life is probably the biggest agony that we carry.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you confessing something right now?!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t have a secret; but you know that I carried a secret in our marriage for quite a while.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; interesting you say that, too, because\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t know I was going to go there; did you?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> [Laughter] No; I had no idea, like, \u201cWait; are we confessing something?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cHere we go!\u201d\u2014boom!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I knew something was going on when you were holding onto that secret. I kept pressing into you, like, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on? Like I can tell something\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I hated that you knew, because I had this struggle with pornography that I was carrying all by myself and you could feel it. You could feel it in our home.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I tell that we weren\u2019t one\u2014we were <em>separate<\/em> in some way\u2014and I couldn\u2019t figure out why.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And one of the <em>best<\/em> days of my life was the day I told you the struggle.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh! It was the worst day of mine.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I feel bad that I didn\u2019t respond well; but I didn\u2019t, at that time, because I was so shocked.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And we know is many men, and women, struggle with this struggle as well as others; but it\u2019s a secret and nobody knows. Today, we\u2019re going to talk about it.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would go as far as saying it\u2019s an epidemic in the church that we keep hiding.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we\u2019ve got Garrett Kell with us today\u2014a pastor who has also written about this\u2014but also had a struggle with it. Garrett, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here with both of you and everybody who\u2019s listening.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you\u2019re sitting over there smiling; what is the smile?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019ve loved hanging out with y\u2019all. I love that there\u2019s no perfect people in this room, and that\u2019s the kind of people that Jesus comes after. He didn\u2019t come for the people that have it all together but people who need Him. And whether that\u2019s because we\u2019re the ones hiding sin, or we\u2019re the ones who\u2019ve been hurt by sin, everybody needs His grace. I\u2019m just trusting that people, who are listening today, that everybody is going to become aware of the fact that Jesus can help them no matter where they are\u2014whether they are the ones that are hiding sin or they\u2019re the ones who\u2019ve been sinned against\u2014that Jesus is their help and hope.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; obviously, we\u2019re going to talk about your book, <em>Pure in Heart: Sexual Sin and the Promises of God<\/em>. I want to get there, but your journey to Christ is an epic story; I thought, \u201cWhy not start there?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; there\u2019s something about stories and hearing how Jesus woos us and wins us\u2014it\u2019s inspiring\u2014I think our listeners will be inspired by this as well.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t where you want to start, but go back to your college days and walk us into your story.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Well, I mean, I grew up in a loving home. We went to church. It was kind of a moderate church, where God was kind of a safe conversation. My life is about sports and sinning and all the ways that parties provide the opportunity for. That was my life in high school and then, when I went off to college, it was very much the same.\n\nI always did it in the name of fun and never thought that I was hurting people. But right before my junior year, there was a girlfriend and I, who\/she got pregnant. She told me, and she told me it was mine. I remember she asked me\/she said, \u201cI want to know will you be with me?\u201d I wasn\u2019t ready to be married; and I was like, \u201cNo\u201d; but I was like, \u201cI\u2019ve got some money; I\u2019ll help us figure this out.\u201d She decided and we decided that we were going to have an abortion. I was there through the whole thing. I remember that we both wept, and we didn\u2019t know why.\n\nI went back\u2014we went our separate ways\u2014I went back to school, and I just dove into the party scene. I lived with some people, who were into raving, a lot of drugs, all that stuff. I was just empty, trying to fill this hole in my heart.\n\nI invited a buddy named Dave down to come for this party; it was going to be an epic Halloween party. He closed the door, and he sat on the bed; and he looked at me and he goes, \u201cI don\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He said, \u201cI love Jesus now. I came here to tell you that Jesus loves you too. I know this is probably going to be a hard weekend, but I wanted you to know that.\u201d I was like, \u201cOkay.\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, more for me then.\u201d [Laughter] I kind of blew him off; went back out.\n\nHe was sitting on the couch; and our buddies were like, \u201cHey, what\u2019s up with the dude on the couch?\u201d He looked out of place. I was like, \u201cOh, he became a Christian.\u201d We\u2019re all like, \u201cOh, poor guy\u201d; because we\u2019re thinking we\u2019ve got everything.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Garrett: <\/strong>But he\u2014throughout the weekend\u2014I saw he had what I was chasing. I was still empty; but he had peace, a peace that wasn\u2019t found in anything other than this Jesus that he talked about. I kind of mocked him\/made fun of him. I even have an email that I sent to him. If you look up \u201cThe Stand that Saved My Soul,\u201d the whole thing is there\u2014the email is there\u2014it\u2019s really interesting.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; but it haunted me. A couple of weeks later, I was in the middle of another rave party. I was doing drugs; and all of a sudden, I felt a lot of <em>darkness<\/em>. I became very aware that there was evil around me and evil in me, and it <em>spooked<\/em> me. I went back to my room; closed the door\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Had you ever had that kind of sense before?\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like the darkness thing?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> No; for me, the darkness used to be\u2014I thought it was giving me life\u2014it was fun; it was where I was finding my joy, my peace\u2014all of that; right?\u2014which now, of course, I see as an idol. Like that is what the Lord is supposed to provide, but it was a counterfeit. Satan always deals in counterfeits.\n\nI went back; I saw my Bible; it was peeking out from underneath the bed. My parents had given it to me. I used to hide it under my bed, because it would cramp my style; but that day it was sticking out. I sat down and I played Bible roulette, where I just sat down, opened the Bible randomly\u2014but we know there\u2019s no such thing as random luck or chance\u2014God, in His providence, made it open to the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel 18 in the New Living Translation says: \u201cThe one who sins is the one who dies. A father will not be judged for the son\u2019s sins, nor will the son be judged for the father\u2019s sins; but each person will be judged according to what they have done. Do you think I delight in the death of the wicked? No, but that they would turn and live says the Lord.\u201d That <em>freaked<\/em> me out.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I bet it did!\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I closed the Bible; and I was like, \u201cOkay, what else You got?\u201d I opened it up to the New Testament\u2014which I didn\u2019t know what that meant\u2014I just opened it up and started reading. I was in the book of Romans and came to Romans, Chapter 2,\n\nverse 4. Again, the New Living Translation says: \u201cDon\u2019t you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don\u2019t you care? Can\u2019t you see how patient in giving you time to turn from your sin? But no; you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath when God will judge all people according to my gospel.\u201d\n\nIt was right then that, in God\u2019s mercy, He showed me that He and I were not cool. I felt really guilty. I started confessing all my sins to my sister; and she\u2019s like, \u201cYou\u2019re in trouble; you need some help.\u201d [Laughter] All of a sudden, I went sober\u2014I was on a drug, where you don\u2019t get sober\u2014it\u2019s like something that lasts for hours. All of a sudden, just in the middle of it, I went completely sober.\n\nI thought, \u201cI need to call Dave.\u201d I called that buddy that had come down to the party. He came up to my house at 2 in the morning, carried his Bible; and he had tears streaming down his face. He said, \u201cDo you know what I was doing when you called me?\u201d I said \u201cNo.\u201d He said, \u201cI was doing the same thing that I\u2019ve been doing every single night since that night I left Virginia Tech. I was on my knees, praying for you to believe in Jesus.\u201d\n\nGod heard his prayers, and I\u2019m the last person who should be a Christian. But for some reason, Jesus wanted me, even though I didn\u2019t want Him. He sought me, and He saved me; and I\u2019ve been following Him, imperfectly, ever since. It\u2019s been a sweet journey. God\u2019s done a lot of good things. There\u2019s been a lot of really <em>wonderful<\/em> things\u2014I\u2019ve seen God save people\u2014He saved my sister; He saved my mom and my dad after that; He saved other people in my life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, you ended up this passion to tell all of your friends about Jesus.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; I became keenly aware that: \u201cOh, my goodness, all these friends that I used to invite into sin\u2014because I was the orchestrator; I used to throw all these parties, because I wanted everybody to come in and have a good time\u2014but now, I\u2019m aware I was leading people to hell. And now, I have a responsibility\u2014I\u2019ve found the way\u2014it\u2019s like those beggars in the stories of the Kings, where they find some bread; and they\u2019re eating it. They realize: \u201cWait, everybody else is back, starving\u201d; and I had to go tell.\n\nI went back and started trying to share the gospel with everybody, in any way that I could think of. I mean, I nailed verses about hell to a drug dealer\u2019s door; freaked him out. [Laughter] I went back and told my pastor\u2014a guy named Owen Womack\u2014he\u2019s a good godly man. I told him: \u201cHere\u2019s what I want to do; how about\u201d\u2014because I used to throw these keggers at my house\u2014I was like, \u201cI want to throw a party; and about an hour into it, I\u2019m going to get on the keg, turn on the lights, and tell everybody about Jesus.\u201d [Laughter] He\u2019s like\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s like a Billy Graham crusade. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Well, it was\u2014I\u2019m not sure Billy would have done it that way, but I think it\u2019s the same kind of spirit; right?\u2014I mean, like, \u201cWe\u2019ve got people who\u2019ve got to know.\u201d\n\nHe\u2019s like, \u201cI appreciate your zeal.\u201d [Laughter] He goes, \u201cBut how about you just use the church here, and you can use it for whatever you want.\u201d So we made it known that we were going to have this thing\u2014we called it Christ Night\u2014and we\u2019re going to have this deal at this church. Word got out that I was throwing a party at a church, and everybody thought it was going to be a big joke.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, that\u2019s what I wondered; because a lot of people ended up coming. Why do you think they came?\u2014and a lot of it was God.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; I think God was working in a unique way. There\u2019s been a couple of other people\u2014there was a guy named Gary, who had been a cocaine dealer who got saved; my buddy Dave had gotten saved; there was another guy, who had gotten saved\u2014\u2014the Lord was working uniquely in our town at this time.\n\nThen when I got saved\u2014like one of my old buddies\/he\u2019s now a pastor of a church\u2014he was at a football practice, and he was very much not walking with the Lord. He was bragging about all these things he had done\/all this sin he had done over the weekend. The FCA leader, who was there, looked over to him and said, \u201cWas that before or after the FCA meeting?\u201d\u2014because he used to go to that. He said, \u201cWow!\u201d\u2014like that convicted him. Then they\u2019re like, \u201cYes.\u201d He started talking about God; and he said \u201cHey, did you hear Garrett Kell became a Christian?\u201d He\u2019s like\u2014he started laughing\u2014he said, \u201cListen, I know I\u2019m not a Christian; but I <em>know<\/em> that guy\u2019s not a Christian.\u201d [Laughter]\n\nI was like the last guy in our town that you would have thought that would ever follow Jesus. So when word got out that I\u2019m going to be throwing a party at a church, all these people came. In God\u2019s mercy, there were teachers there, and friends, and all these kinds of people; and a lot of people heard the gospel. It was a remarkable couple of months, where\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and you gave an altar call.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I did; we gave an altar call. Like two thirds of the people in the room came down\u2014and again, not all of them stayed and persevered in faith\u2014but today, there\u2019s people, who are pastors, missionaries. There\u2019s some people\u2014I heard a testimony the other day from somebody; they asked them how they became a Christian. They said, when they were five, their parents went to this thing called Christ Night. They both got convicted of their sin, and turned from it, and trusted in Jesus, and were born again, and came home; and ever since, their family has been trying to follow Jesus together. That\u2019s all in spite of me. There\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> in that\u2014nobody struts into the service of the King, right?\u2014I mean, the Lord <em>mercifully<\/em> allowed me to be a part of that; and I\u2019m so thankful.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What a <em>great<\/em> story of God saving one man\u2014but through one man\u2014and this is legacy, in generational kingdom impact, is what happens when one person says, \u201cI\u2019m all in.\u201d\n\nI mean, you don\u2019t know this about me; but when I gave my life to Christ, I\u2014we\u2019re so similar in terms of I was just a party animal\u2014I was known on the college campus as the quarterback but [also] as the guy at all the parties with\u2014I was the first guy at the kegger\/the whole thing. I actually was mentored, when I became a freshman, by the senior quarterback; he said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to replace me as the starter, so I want you to learn this.\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cWe lead on the field; we lead in the bar.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhat\u2019s that mean?\u201d He goes, \u201cDude, we\u2019re the first ones; we get drunk the most. We lead both places; that\u2019s how you do it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> That\u2019s discipleship, just the other way; you know?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, exactly; it was a terrible discipleship.\n\nBut bottom line\u2014when I came to Christ\u2014the guy who mentored me\/now, he\u2019s a follower of Christ. And by the way, he said, \u201cGod\u2019s called me. I have this athletic ministry on the campus.\u201d I looked at him, when I met him, like, \u201cNo he didn\u2019t; there\u2019s no way,\u201d\u2014he wasn\u2019t an athlete\u2014and again, I\u2019m not judging; but I was like, \u201cNo athlete is going to respond to you.\u201d\n\nHe had this <em>incredible<\/em> ministry\u2014but what he said\u2014because I said to Bill, \u201cMan, now that I\u2019m a Christian, I\u2019m going to go in the locker room, and I\u2019m going to put up this big Jesus banner, and I\u2019m going to share the gospel.\u201d He looked at me and goes, \u201cEh, that\u2019s probably not the best way to do it.\u201d \u201cWell, you got a better idea?\u201d\n\nYou know what we did? He said, \u201cI\u2019ve got a magazine; it\u2019s called the <em>Athlete\u2019s in Action<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> magazine. It has testimonies of pro athletes in it. How about I get you a hundred of these? You give them to all the guys on the team. Then we\u2019ll try and set up an appointment with them after, to say, \u2018What did you think of the magazine?\u2019\u201d I go, \u201cOkay.\u201d\n\nSo listen to this\u2014we did it\u2014and I think nobody\u2019s going to meet with us. We set up an appointment to say, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about the magazine.\u201d The last two pages of the magazine were the gospel. We\u2019d sit down and go, \u201cHey, what did you think of the magazine?\u201d \u201cOh, it was pretty cool.\u201d \u201cDid you read the last two pages?\u201d \u201cNope\u201d; nobody ever read the last two pages. \u201cCan we walk you through it?\u201d We saw 25 guys come to Christ,\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Praise God.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in two weeks, out of 100.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I want to say, too, is that\u2014you guys, I listen to this, and even my own zeal when I first gave my life to Christ, I thought: \u201cHow have I not heard about this?! And how are we not announcing this from the rooftops?!\u2014 like: \u2018We <em>need<\/em> Jesus,\u2019 and \u2018He is the answer to life, and to peace, and to joy,\u2019 and \u2018People are going to hell.\u201d That\u2019s why I was so <em>fired<\/em> up about this.\n\nWhat happens?\u2014you know, why don\u2019t we have, sometimes, that <em>same<\/em> zeal and this hunger to let our friends know about Jesus?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I think there\u2019s the Lord uses youthful zeal. Then there\u2019s also times when, after you\u2014so I don\u2019t know that my zeal has changed\u2014it\u2019s just hopefully matured some. [Laughter] There\u2019s\u2014some of my zeal\u2014there\u2019s certainly times my zeal ebbs and flows.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We all do.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> That\u2019s part of walking with the Lord; right? But I wouldn\u2019t want us to feel unnecessarily guilty if the way we\u2019re following the Lord changes a little bit.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or shamed.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> because that\u2019s\u2014you know, the Lord uses all kinds of things\u2014that\u2019s why I love having young zealous people around that helps to fan some flame. We want to correct some\u2014because I did some crazy stuff\u2014I\u2019m sure some of my sermons would need to be deleted off the internet if some of those old ones that I did\u2014[Laughter]\u2014they just weren\u2019t\u2014even the first three years of preaching at the church I ended up pastoring in Texas, I had them delete the first three years off; just because: \u201cYou know, let\u2019s just pretend that didn\u2019t happen.\u201d [Laughter] The Lord worked in the midst of the mess; but \u201cLet\u2019s start over.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s so <em>true<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But there is something about the zeal of a new believer\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s sweet; it\u2019s sweet.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that is contagious. Sometimes, you can get into a rut as the more mature longer believer; and you\u2019re like, \u201cWhat happened to that in me?\u201d It stoked something. Even our kids have done that in us, as parents, which has been really beautiful.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the question we want to get into, because I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve had this experience; but I sort of thought, when I came to Christ: \u201cNow, my sin life is done; I won\u2019t struggle.\u201d We struggle; one of the struggles we talked about already\/earlier was pornography.\n\nYou wrote a book about it, and you open the book with your struggle. So let\u2019s talk about that a little bit; what happened?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, and let\u2019s add, too, that you\u2019re married. You\u2019ve been married how many years, Garrett?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been married for 14 years.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you have six kids.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Six of them, yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019re busy.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; my wife is extra busy.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re just glad to be here right now. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> My wife always calls these kinds of trips: \u201cYou\u2019re going on vacation.\u201d [Laughter] She is doing all the hard work at home.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because oldest is 13 and your youngest is 3 months; so yes, she\u2019s doing a lot right now.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes, she is. But yes, as you said, when you become a Christian\u2014I know, for me initially, there was: \u201cI want <em>nothing<\/em> to do with sin,\u201d and I turned from it\u2014but then, it was amazing how quickly it would creep back in. I was <em>stunned<\/em> a little bit; I didn\u2019t know. Because I didn\u2019t get into a church right away\u2014it was me and the Bible and just a couple of Christian friends that I was meeting here and there\u2014so I became very confused and riddled with shame and guilt when I would continue to fall back into sins and all kinds of stuff.\n\nBut I think that you\u2019re right that, when you become a Christian, there\u2019s still temptations that abound. We still have our sinful flesh. We\u2019ve got to learn: \u201cOkay, what does it mean then, as Christians, to walk, now with the Holy Spirit?\u201d\u2014yes\u2014\u201cBut how do we walk, where we\u2019re still going to be struggling?\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019ve got to find ways to fight against it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so talk about that. I mean, you open your book\u2014which is a powerful book about purity in heart and, especially, as we already said, toward sexual sin\u2014but you had a secret, sort of like I did, that you battle.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; I still remember the first time that I saw pornography. I was at a friend\u2019s house; I was in fifth grade. He said, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you come in here? I want to show you what I found.\u201d He had found some pornography his dad had hidden. I can still, if I tried to bring up the image in my mind, I could still see that wrinkled page in the sunlight and what was on it. It <em>awakened<\/em> in me something that day\u2014this corrupted curiosity; sexual curiosity\u2014we\u2019re wired for it. We\u2019re sexual beings\u2014God made us\u2014sex is not a wicked thing. It\u2019s a wonderful thing that God gave this gift to a husband and wife, so it\u2019s a good thing; but sin gets ahold of it, and twists it, and distorts it, and perverts it. That was my whole life as a nonbeliever.\n\nThen, as I became a Christian, I still had those struggles. What became more prominent was the struggle of pornography. It felt safer, in one sense, because I wasn\u2019t sinning with someone that I could see in regards to like flesh and blood. I remember I was\u2014I had been a believer for about three years\u2014I was sitting in a Bible study; I had just started seminary. I remember sitting there, thinking, \u201cI guess I\u2019m just always going to be like this. So I\u2019ve got to figure out: \u2018How do I be a Christian and walk with this guilt?\u2019\u201d I didn\u2019t feel like I could talk about it, because I didn\u2019t know anybody else that was struggling with this.\n\nWe were in a church. It was healthy in the sense that it preached the Bible\u2014it had a high view of Jesus; it was evangelistic\u2014it was service-oriented toward the community and all those good things; but there wasn\u2019t the kind of culture in the church, where it was normal and expected to confess sins. So I created this fa\u00e7ade, where I would basically wear a mask; and I would say, \u201cHey, you know, I\u2019m struggling a little bit; pray for me\u201d; and that\u2019s what confessions looked like. I just took that into seminary and into, really, parts of serving as an evangelist and pastor at the church that I was at.\n\nThen we planted a church out from there, and I ended up pastoring there for seven-and-a-half years. The first three years that I was there, I had a secret struggle with pornography. I wasn\u2019t married; I was a single pastor at that time. I was in an unplanned place\u2014out in the middle of nowhere west Texas; in an unplanned pace\u2014I wanted to be married; I wasn\u2019t. I didn\u2019t know what to do with all of the stresses and pressures <em>and<\/em> the ministry was being blessed, like the church was <em>growing<\/em>. We met in a store front. We went from 13\u2014we started with 13\u2014we always said we had one more than Jesus started with, so we were in good shape\u2014went from 13 to 30, to 60, to 90, to fire-code-violating 120. \u201cWe couldn\u2019t invite the fire marshal,\u201d was the joke; because we would get in trouble.\n\nThen we bought a roller-skating rink. They called us \u201cthe holy rollers,\u201d and we met there; and it filled up too. God just was <em>blessing<\/em>; but the whole time, I was struggling. What I mean by that is I had a pattern of every two weeks or a month where I would\u2014oftentimes, on a stressful day\u2014I would escape to pornography. Sometimes, it would be for two minutes; sometimes it would be for two hours. Then I would delete my search history; and I would call a friend, and be like, \u201cHey, I just want to let you know I\u2019m feeling a little tempted; would you pray for me?\u201d \u201cYes; sure.\u201d \u201cHey, things are better; I\u2019m good now.\u201d But like I was never honest. I was confessing my sins to all kinds of different people\u2014so I had 12 or 15 different friends\u2014and nobody had like a pulse of how I was actually doing.\n\nSo this whole time, I am getting up in front of people, telling them about Jesus, teaching His Word\u2014God is blessing\u2014but all the while, my conscience is haunted. That does weird things to you.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and here\u2019s the thing\u2014I think what you just described\u2014so many are living that life. They may not be a pastor or be up preaching\u2014it\u2019s the same life\u2014there\u2019s a secret they may\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re a husband\/a wife.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like you said\u2014\u201cHey, I\u2019m struggling a little bit\u201d; but it\u2019s like they are afraid to go to the reality of the darkness that\u2019s really <em>gripped<\/em> them. I\u2019ve been there; you\u2019ve been there. I\u2019m guessing listeners are there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think a lot of women, too\u2014because there\u2019s an extra amount of shame\u2014because they\u2019re a woman, and that feels even more weird.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the amazing thing\u2014we don\u2019t have time to get to the answer\u2014so we\u2019re going to leave you right where you\u2019re hanging and say: \u201cIf you\u2019re that guy or that gal, don\u2019t miss the next part of this; because we\u2019ve been there, but there\u2019s a way out,\u201d\u2014right, Garrett?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand there\u2019s hope.\u201d\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> \u201cJesus provides a way; He says, \u2018Come unto Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.\u2019\u201d So if you\u2019re feeling the shame and the guilt, and you\u2019re weary in hiding, I want you to know: \u201cJesus is the answer; come to Him.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Sexual sin is something that <em>so many<\/em> people are trapped in today. They try to buckle down with self-discipline, and it doesn\u2019t work. One of the things I loved about this conversation is that Garrett Kell\u2014who\u2019s authored the book, <em>Pure in Heart<\/em>\u2014he doesn\u2019t claim in his book that you need to come to him for all the answers. What he does, instead, is come <em>alongside<\/em> you in this book as a kind and thoughtful, wise, older brother, who\u2019s not immune to the struggles with sexual purity himself. That\u2019s what I love about this: he talks about it frankly and gives us hope in the process.\n\nAs Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking with him today, I\u2019ve been <em>so encouraged<\/em> to hear that, once again, he\u2019s not pointing us to a program for solutions. He\u2019s pointing us to the gospel; he\u2019s pointing us to Jesus Himself. As I said, Garrett has written a book called <em>Pure in Heart<\/em>; and it's available in our FamilyLife Resource Center. You can find it on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can order a copy of Garrett\u2019s book there.\n\nAnd while you\u2019re there, this week, when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife, we want to send you a copy of Sharon Jaynes\u2019s book, <em>When You Like Your Story <\/em>. The subtitle of it is <em>What If Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories? <\/em> So when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife, we will send you a copy, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your donation,\u201d of Sharon Jaynes\u2019 book, <em>When You Don\u2019t Like Your Story<\/em>. You can order it at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, if you wanted to hear more about this topic specifically, Garrett Kell had a chance to sit down with Ray Ortlund and have a <em>frank<\/em> conversation about sexual sin and our struggles with it. That\u2019s available on our FamilyLife app. You can download that anywhere you get your apps, or you could go to FamilyLifeToday.com and subscribe to the podcast feed to get that episode there.\n\nNow, if this content today as we\u2019ve been talking about sexual sin, or <em>any<\/em> of our FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or a family member. And wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance the work that we\u2019re doing at FamilyLife if you\u2019ll scroll down and rate and review us.\n\nNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann are going to be talking more, again, with Garrett Kell about being transparent with our sin\/being <em>honest<\/em> about what\u2019s going on in our lives. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\n\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776384200;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Author and pastor Garrett Kell knows well the crushing weight of sexual sin. His story crosses abject hopelessness and suffocating guilt, leading him to freedom at last.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2022-03-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Today\u2019s conversation on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> covers some sensitive, but important, subjects that might not be good for younger ears. So please use discretion when listening to this next broadcast. Now let\u2019s jump into it.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> There\u2019s no perfect people in this room; and that\u2019s the kind of people that Jesus comes after. He didn\u2019t come for the people that have it all together, but people who need him. And whether that\u2019s because we\u2019re the ones hiding sin, or we\u2019re the ones who have been hurt by sin, everybody needs His grace. I\u2019m just trusting that people, who are listening today, that everybody is going to become aware of the fact that Jesus can help them, no matter where they are\u2014whether they\u2019re the ones hiding sin or they\u2019re the ones that have been sinned against\u2014that Jesus is their help and hope.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I\u2019m Ann Wilson.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2019m Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com or on our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So I would say hiding a secret in marriage or even in your life is probably the biggest agony that we carry.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you confessing something right now?!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t have a secret; but you know that I carried a secret in our marriage for quite a while.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; interesting you say that, too, because\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t know I was going to go there; did you?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> [Laughter] No; I had no idea, like, \u201cWait; are we confessing something?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cHere we go!\u201d\u2014boom!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I knew something was going on when you were holding onto that secret. I kept pressing into you, like, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on? Like I can tell something\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I hated that you knew, because I had this struggle with pornography that I was carrying all by myself and you could feel it. You could feel it in our home.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I tell that we weren\u2019t one\u2014we were <em>separate<\/em> in some way\u2014and I couldn\u2019t figure out why.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And one of the <em>best<\/em> days of my life was the day I told you the struggle.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh! It was the worst day of mine.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I feel bad that I didn\u2019t respond well; but I didn\u2019t, at that time, because I was so shocked.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And we know is many men, and women, struggle with this struggle as well as others; but it\u2019s a secret and nobody knows. Today, we\u2019re going to talk about it.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would go as far as saying it\u2019s an epidemic in the church that we keep hiding.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we\u2019ve got Garrett Kell with us today\u2014a pastor who has also written about this\u2014but also had a struggle with it. Garrett, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here with both of you and everybody who\u2019s listening.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you\u2019re sitting over there smiling; what is the smile?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019ve loved hanging out with y\u2019all. I love that there\u2019s no perfect people in this room, and that\u2019s the kind of people that Jesus comes after. He didn\u2019t come for the people that have it all together but people who need Him. And whether that\u2019s because we\u2019re the ones hiding sin, or we\u2019re the ones who\u2019ve been hurt by sin, everybody needs His grace. I\u2019m just trusting that people, who are listening today, that everybody is going to become aware of the fact that Jesus can help them no matter where they are\u2014whether they are the ones that are hiding sin or they\u2019re the ones who\u2019ve been sinned against\u2014that Jesus is their help and hope.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; obviously, we\u2019re going to talk about your book, <em>Pure in Heart: Sexual Sin and the Promises of God<\/em>. I want to get there, but your journey to Christ is an epic story; I thought, \u201cWhy not start there?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; there\u2019s something about stories and hearing how Jesus woos us and wins us\u2014it\u2019s inspiring\u2014I think our listeners will be inspired by this as well.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t where you want to start, but go back to your college days and walk us into your story.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Well, I mean, I grew up in a loving home. We went to church. It was kind of a moderate church, where God was kind of a safe conversation. My life is about sports and sinning and all the ways that parties provide the opportunity for. That was my life in high school and then, when I went off to college, it was very much the same.\n\nI always did it in the name of fun and never thought that I was hurting people. But right before my junior year, there was a girlfriend and I, who\/she got pregnant. She told me, and she told me it was mine. I remember she asked me\/she said, \u201cI want to know will you be with me?\u201d I wasn\u2019t ready to be married; and I was like, \u201cNo\u201d; but I was like, \u201cI\u2019ve got some money; I\u2019ll help us figure this out.\u201d She decided and we decided that we were going to have an abortion. I was there through the whole thing. I remember that we both wept, and we didn\u2019t know why.\n\nI went back\u2014we went our separate ways\u2014I went back to school, and I just dove into the party scene. I lived with some people, who were into raving, a lot of drugs, all that stuff. I was just empty, trying to fill this hole in my heart.\n\nI invited a buddy named Dave down to come for this party; it was going to be an epic Halloween party. He closed the door, and he sat on the bed; and he looked at me and he goes, \u201cI don\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay.\u201d He said, \u201cI love Jesus now. I came here to tell you that Jesus loves you too. I know this is probably going to be a hard weekend, but I wanted you to know that.\u201d I was like, \u201cOkay.\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, more for me then.\u201d [Laughter] I kind of blew him off; went back out.\n\nHe was sitting on the couch; and our buddies were like, \u201cHey, what\u2019s up with the dude on the couch?\u201d He looked out of place. I was like, \u201cOh, he became a Christian.\u201d We\u2019re all like, \u201cOh, poor guy\u201d; because we\u2019re thinking we\u2019ve got everything.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Garrett: <\/strong>But he\u2014throughout the weekend\u2014I saw he had what I was chasing. I was still empty; but he had peace, a peace that wasn\u2019t found in anything other than this Jesus that he talked about. I kind of mocked him\/made fun of him. I even have an email that I sent to him. If you look up \u201cThe Stand that Saved My Soul,\u201d the whole thing is there\u2014the email is there\u2014it\u2019s really interesting.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; but it haunted me. A couple of weeks later, I was in the middle of another rave party. I was doing drugs; and all of a sudden, I felt a lot of <em>darkness<\/em>. I became very aware that there was evil around me and evil in me, and it <em>spooked<\/em> me. I went back to my room; closed the door\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Had you ever had that kind of sense before?\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like the darkness thing?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> No; for me, the darkness used to be\u2014I thought it was giving me life\u2014it was fun; it was where I was finding my joy, my peace\u2014all of that; right?\u2014which now, of course, I see as an idol. Like that is what the Lord is supposed to provide, but it was a counterfeit. Satan always deals in counterfeits.\n\nI went back; I saw my Bible; it was peeking out from underneath the bed. My parents had given it to me. I used to hide it under my bed, because it would cramp my style; but that day it was sticking out. I sat down and I played Bible roulette, where I just sat down, opened the Bible randomly\u2014but we know there\u2019s no such thing as random luck or chance\u2014God, in His providence, made it open to the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel 18 in the New Living Translation says: \u201cThe one who sins is the one who dies. A father will not be judged for the son\u2019s sins, nor will the son be judged for the father\u2019s sins; but each person will be judged according to what they have done. Do you think I delight in the death of the wicked? No, but that they would turn and live says the Lord.\u201d That <em>freaked<\/em> me out.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I bet it did!\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I closed the Bible; and I was like, \u201cOkay, what else You got?\u201d I opened it up to the New Testament\u2014which I didn\u2019t know what that meant\u2014I just opened it up and started reading. I was in the book of Romans and came to Romans, Chapter 2,\n\nverse 4. Again, the New Living Translation says: \u201cDon\u2019t you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don\u2019t you care? Can\u2019t you see how patient in giving you time to turn from your sin? But no; you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath when God will judge all people according to my gospel.\u201d\n\nIt was right then that, in God\u2019s mercy, He showed me that He and I were not cool. I felt really guilty. I started confessing all my sins to my sister; and she\u2019s like, \u201cYou\u2019re in trouble; you need some help.\u201d [Laughter] All of a sudden, I went sober\u2014I was on a drug, where you don\u2019t get sober\u2014it\u2019s like something that lasts for hours. All of a sudden, just in the middle of it, I went completely sober.\n\nI thought, \u201cI need to call Dave.\u201d I called that buddy that had come down to the party. He came up to my house at 2 in the morning, carried his Bible; and he had tears streaming down his face. He said, \u201cDo you know what I was doing when you called me?\u201d I said \u201cNo.\u201d He said, \u201cI was doing the same thing that I\u2019ve been doing every single night since that night I left Virginia Tech. I was on my knees, praying for you to believe in Jesus.\u201d\n\nGod heard his prayers, and I\u2019m the last person who should be a Christian. But for some reason, Jesus wanted me, even though I didn\u2019t want Him. He sought me, and He saved me; and I\u2019ve been following Him, imperfectly, ever since. It\u2019s been a sweet journey. God\u2019s done a lot of good things. There\u2019s been a lot of really <em>wonderful<\/em> things\u2014I\u2019ve seen God save people\u2014He saved my sister; He saved my mom and my dad after that; He saved other people in my life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, you ended up this passion to tell all of your friends about Jesus.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; I became keenly aware that: \u201cOh, my goodness, all these friends that I used to invite into sin\u2014because I was the orchestrator; I used to throw all these parties, because I wanted everybody to come in and have a good time\u2014but now, I\u2019m aware I was leading people to hell. And now, I have a responsibility\u2014I\u2019ve found the way\u2014it\u2019s like those beggars in the stories of the Kings, where they find some bread; and they\u2019re eating it. They realize: \u201cWait, everybody else is back, starving\u201d; and I had to go tell.\n\nI went back and started trying to share the gospel with everybody, in any way that I could think of. I mean, I nailed verses about hell to a drug dealer\u2019s door; freaked him out. [Laughter] I went back and told my pastor\u2014a guy named Owen Womack\u2014he\u2019s a good godly man. I told him: \u201cHere\u2019s what I want to do; how about\u201d\u2014because I used to throw these keggers at my house\u2014I was like, \u201cI want to throw a party; and about an hour into it, I\u2019m going to get on the keg, turn on the lights, and tell everybody about Jesus.\u201d [Laughter] He\u2019s like\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s like a Billy Graham crusade. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Well, it was\u2014I\u2019m not sure Billy would have done it that way, but I think it\u2019s the same kind of spirit; right?\u2014I mean, like, \u201cWe\u2019ve got people who\u2019ve got to know.\u201d\n\nHe\u2019s like, \u201cI appreciate your zeal.\u201d [Laughter] He goes, \u201cBut how about you just use the church here, and you can use it for whatever you want.\u201d So we made it known that we were going to have this thing\u2014we called it Christ Night\u2014and we\u2019re going to have this deal at this church. Word got out that I was throwing a party at a church, and everybody thought it was going to be a big joke.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, that\u2019s what I wondered; because a lot of people ended up coming. Why do you think they came?\u2014and a lot of it was God.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; I think God was working in a unique way. There\u2019s been a couple of other people\u2014there was a guy named Gary, who had been a cocaine dealer who got saved; my buddy Dave had gotten saved; there was another guy, who had gotten saved\u2014\u2014the Lord was working uniquely in our town at this time.\n\nThen when I got saved\u2014like one of my old buddies\/he\u2019s now a pastor of a church\u2014he was at a football practice, and he was very much not walking with the Lord. He was bragging about all these things he had done\/all this sin he had done over the weekend. The FCA leader, who was there, looked over to him and said, \u201cWas that before or after the FCA meeting?\u201d\u2014because he used to go to that. He said, \u201cWow!\u201d\u2014like that convicted him. Then they\u2019re like, \u201cYes.\u201d He started talking about God; and he said \u201cHey, did you hear Garrett Kell became a Christian?\u201d He\u2019s like\u2014he started laughing\u2014he said, \u201cListen, I know I\u2019m not a Christian; but I <em>know<\/em> that guy\u2019s not a Christian.\u201d [Laughter]\n\nI was like the last guy in our town that you would have thought that would ever follow Jesus. So when word got out that I\u2019m going to be throwing a party at a church, all these people came. In God\u2019s mercy, there were teachers there, and friends, and all these kinds of people; and a lot of people heard the gospel. It was a remarkable couple of months, where\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and you gave an altar call.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I did; we gave an altar call. Like two thirds of the people in the room came down\u2014and again, not all of them stayed and persevered in faith\u2014but today, there\u2019s people, who are pastors, missionaries. There\u2019s some people\u2014I heard a testimony the other day from somebody; they asked them how they became a Christian. They said, when they were five, their parents went to this thing called Christ Night. They both got convicted of their sin, and turned from it, and trusted in Jesus, and were born again, and came home; and ever since, their family has been trying to follow Jesus together. That\u2019s all in spite of me. There\u2019s <em>nothing<\/em> in that\u2014nobody struts into the service of the King, right?\u2014I mean, the Lord <em>mercifully<\/em> allowed me to be a part of that; and I\u2019m so thankful.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What a <em>great<\/em> story of God saving one man\u2014but through one man\u2014and this is legacy, in generational kingdom impact, is what happens when one person says, \u201cI\u2019m all in.\u201d\n\nI mean, you don\u2019t know this about me; but when I gave my life to Christ, I\u2014we\u2019re so similar in terms of I was just a party animal\u2014I was known on the college campus as the quarterback but [also] as the guy at all the parties with\u2014I was the first guy at the kegger\/the whole thing. I actually was mentored, when I became a freshman, by the senior quarterback; he said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to replace me as the starter, so I want you to learn this.\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cWe lead on the field; we lead in the bar.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhat\u2019s that mean?\u201d He goes, \u201cDude, we\u2019re the first ones; we get drunk the most. We lead both places; that\u2019s how you do it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> That\u2019s discipleship, just the other way; you know?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, exactly; it was a terrible discipleship.\n\nBut bottom line\u2014when I came to Christ\u2014the guy who mentored me\/now, he\u2019s a follower of Christ. And by the way, he said, \u201cGod\u2019s called me. I have this athletic ministry on the campus.\u201d I looked at him, when I met him, like, \u201cNo he didn\u2019t; there\u2019s no way,\u201d\u2014he wasn\u2019t an athlete\u2014and again, I\u2019m not judging; but I was like, \u201cNo athlete is going to respond to you.\u201d\n\nHe had this <em>incredible<\/em> ministry\u2014but what he said\u2014because I said to Bill, \u201cMan, now that I\u2019m a Christian, I\u2019m going to go in the locker room, and I\u2019m going to put up this big Jesus banner, and I\u2019m going to share the gospel.\u201d He looked at me and goes, \u201cEh, that\u2019s probably not the best way to do it.\u201d \u201cWell, you got a better idea?\u201d\n\nYou know what we did? He said, \u201cI\u2019ve got a magazine; it\u2019s called the <em>Athlete\u2019s in Action<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> magazine. It has testimonies of pro athletes in it. How about I get you a hundred of these? You give them to all the guys on the team. Then we\u2019ll try and set up an appointment with them after, to say, \u2018What did you think of the magazine?\u2019\u201d I go, \u201cOkay.\u201d\n\nSo listen to this\u2014we did it\u2014and I think nobody\u2019s going to meet with us. We set up an appointment to say, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about the magazine.\u201d The last two pages of the magazine were the gospel. We\u2019d sit down and go, \u201cHey, what did you think of the magazine?\u201d \u201cOh, it was pretty cool.\u201d \u201cDid you read the last two pages?\u201d \u201cNope\u201d; nobody ever read the last two pages. \u201cCan we walk you through it?\u201d We saw 25 guys come to Christ,\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Praise God.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in two weeks, out of 100.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I want to say, too, is that\u2014you guys, I listen to this, and even my own zeal when I first gave my life to Christ, I thought: \u201cHow have I not heard about this?! And how are we not announcing this from the rooftops?!\u2014 like: \u2018We <em>need<\/em> Jesus,\u2019 and \u2018He is the answer to life, and to peace, and to joy,\u2019 and \u2018People are going to hell.\u201d That\u2019s why I was so <em>fired<\/em> up about this.\n\nWhat happens?\u2014you know, why don\u2019t we have, sometimes, that <em>same<\/em> zeal and this hunger to let our friends know about Jesus?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I think there\u2019s the Lord uses youthful zeal. Then there\u2019s also times when, after you\u2014so I don\u2019t know that my zeal has changed\u2014it\u2019s just hopefully matured some. [Laughter] There\u2019s\u2014some of my zeal\u2014there\u2019s certainly times my zeal ebbs and flows.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We all do.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> That\u2019s part of walking with the Lord; right? But I wouldn\u2019t want us to feel unnecessarily guilty if the way we\u2019re following the Lord changes a little bit.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or shamed.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> because that\u2019s\u2014you know, the Lord uses all kinds of things\u2014that\u2019s why I love having young zealous people around that helps to fan some flame. We want to correct some\u2014because I did some crazy stuff\u2014I\u2019m sure some of my sermons would need to be deleted off the internet if some of those old ones that I did\u2014[Laughter]\u2014they just weren\u2019t\u2014even the first three years of preaching at the church I ended up pastoring in Texas, I had them delete the first three years off; just because: \u201cYou know, let\u2019s just pretend that didn\u2019t happen.\u201d [Laughter] The Lord worked in the midst of the mess; but \u201cLet\u2019s start over.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s so <em>true<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But there is something about the zeal of a new believer\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s sweet; it\u2019s sweet.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that is contagious. Sometimes, you can get into a rut as the more mature longer believer; and you\u2019re like, \u201cWhat happened to that in me?\u201d It stoked something. Even our kids have done that in us, as parents, which has been really beautiful.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the question we want to get into, because I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve had this experience; but I sort of thought, when I came to Christ: \u201cNow, my sin life is done; I won\u2019t struggle.\u201d We struggle; one of the struggles we talked about already\/earlier was pornography.\n\nYou wrote a book about it, and you open the book with your struggle. So let\u2019s talk about that a little bit; what happened?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, and let\u2019s add, too, that you\u2019re married. You\u2019ve been married how many years, Garrett?\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been married for 14 years.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you have six kids.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Six of them, yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019re busy.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; my wife is extra busy.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re just glad to be here right now. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> My wife always calls these kinds of trips: \u201cYou\u2019re going on vacation.\u201d [Laughter] She is doing all the hard work at home.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because oldest is 13 and your youngest is 3 months; so yes, she\u2019s doing a lot right now.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes, she is. But yes, as you said, when you become a Christian\u2014I know, for me initially, there was: \u201cI want <em>nothing<\/em> to do with sin,\u201d and I turned from it\u2014but then, it was amazing how quickly it would creep back in. I was <em>stunned<\/em> a little bit; I didn\u2019t know. Because I didn\u2019t get into a church right away\u2014it was me and the Bible and just a couple of Christian friends that I was meeting here and there\u2014so I became very confused and riddled with shame and guilt when I would continue to fall back into sins and all kinds of stuff.\n\nBut I think that you\u2019re right that, when you become a Christian, there\u2019s still temptations that abound. We still have our sinful flesh. We\u2019ve got to learn: \u201cOkay, what does it mean then, as Christians, to walk, now with the Holy Spirit?\u201d\u2014yes\u2014\u201cBut how do we walk, where we\u2019re still going to be struggling?\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019ve got to find ways to fight against it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; so talk about that. I mean, you open your book\u2014which is a powerful book about purity in heart and, especially, as we already said, toward sexual sin\u2014but you had a secret, sort of like I did, that you battle.\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> Yes; I still remember the first time that I saw pornography. I was at a friend\u2019s house; I was in fifth grade. He said, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you come in here? I want to show you what I found.\u201d He had found some pornography his dad had hidden. I can still, if I tried to bring up the image in my mind, I could still see that wrinkled page in the sunlight and what was on it. It <em>awakened<\/em> in me something that day\u2014this corrupted curiosity; sexual curiosity\u2014we\u2019re wired for it. We\u2019re sexual beings\u2014God made us\u2014sex is not a wicked thing. It\u2019s a wonderful thing that God gave this gift to a husband and wife, so it\u2019s a good thing; but sin gets ahold of it, and twists it, and distorts it, and perverts it. That was my whole life as a nonbeliever.\n\nThen, as I became a Christian, I still had those struggles. What became more prominent was the struggle of pornography. It felt safer, in one sense, because I wasn\u2019t sinning with someone that I could see in regards to like flesh and blood. I remember I was\u2014I had been a believer for about three years\u2014I was sitting in a Bible study; I had just started seminary. I remember sitting there, thinking, \u201cI guess I\u2019m just always going to be like this. So I\u2019ve got to figure out: \u2018How do I be a Christian and walk with this guilt?\u2019\u201d I didn\u2019t feel like I could talk about it, because I didn\u2019t know anybody else that was struggling with this.\n\nWe were in a church. It was healthy in the sense that it preached the Bible\u2014it had a high view of Jesus; it was evangelistic\u2014it was service-oriented toward the community and all those good things; but there wasn\u2019t the kind of culture in the church, where it was normal and expected to confess sins. So I created this fa\u00e7ade, where I would basically wear a mask; and I would say, \u201cHey, you know, I\u2019m struggling a little bit; pray for me\u201d; and that\u2019s what confessions looked like. I just took that into seminary and into, really, parts of serving as an evangelist and pastor at the church that I was at.\n\nThen we planted a church out from there, and I ended up pastoring there for seven-and-a-half years. The first three years that I was there, I had a secret struggle with pornography. I wasn\u2019t married; I was a single pastor at that time. I was in an unplanned place\u2014out in the middle of nowhere west Texas; in an unplanned pace\u2014I wanted to be married; I wasn\u2019t. I didn\u2019t know what to do with all of the stresses and pressures <em>and<\/em> the ministry was being blessed, like the church was <em>growing<\/em>. We met in a store front. We went from 13\u2014we started with 13\u2014we always said we had one more than Jesus started with, so we were in good shape\u2014went from 13 to 30, to 60, to 90, to fire-code-violating 120. \u201cWe couldn\u2019t invite the fire marshal,\u201d was the joke; because we would get in trouble.\n\nThen we bought a roller-skating rink. They called us \u201cthe holy rollers,\u201d and we met there; and it filled up too. God just was <em>blessing<\/em>; but the whole time, I was struggling. What I mean by that is I had a pattern of every two weeks or a month where I would\u2014oftentimes, on a stressful day\u2014I would escape to pornography. Sometimes, it would be for two minutes; sometimes it would be for two hours. Then I would delete my search history; and I would call a friend, and be like, \u201cHey, I just want to let you know I\u2019m feeling a little tempted; would you pray for me?\u201d \u201cYes; sure.\u201d \u201cHey, things are better; I\u2019m good now.\u201d But like I was never honest. I was confessing my sins to all kinds of different people\u2014so I had 12 or 15 different friends\u2014and nobody had like a pulse of how I was actually doing.\n\nSo this whole time, I am getting up in front of people, telling them about Jesus, teaching His Word\u2014God is blessing\u2014but all the while, my conscience is haunted. That does weird things to you.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, and here\u2019s the thing\u2014I think what you just described\u2014so many are living that life. They may not be a pastor or be up preaching\u2014it\u2019s the same life\u2014there\u2019s a secret they may\u2014\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re a husband\/a wife.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like you said\u2014\u201cHey, I\u2019m struggling a little bit\u201d; but it\u2019s like they are afraid to go to the reality of the darkness that\u2019s really <em>gripped<\/em> them. I\u2019ve been there; you\u2019ve been there. I\u2019m guessing listeners are there.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think a lot of women, too\u2014because there\u2019s an extra amount of shame\u2014because they\u2019re a woman, and that feels even more weird.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the amazing thing\u2014we don\u2019t have time to get to the answer\u2014so we\u2019re going to leave you right where you\u2019re hanging and say: \u201cIf you\u2019re that guy or that gal, don\u2019t miss the next part of this; because we\u2019ve been there, but there\u2019s a way out,\u201d\u2014right, Garrett?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand there\u2019s hope.\u201d\n\n<strong>Garrett:<\/strong> \u201cJesus provides a way; He says, \u2018Come unto Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.\u2019\u201d So if you\u2019re feeling the shame and the guilt, and you\u2019re weary in hiding, I want you to know: \u201cJesus is the answer; come to Him.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Sexual sin is something that <em>so many<\/em> people are trapped in today. They try to buckle down with self-discipline, and it doesn\u2019t work. One of the things I loved about this conversation is that Garrett Kell\u2014who\u2019s authored the book, <em>Pure in Heart<\/em>\u2014he doesn\u2019t claim in his book that you need to come to him for all the answers. What he does, instead, is come <em>alongside<\/em> you in this book as a kind and thoughtful, wise, older brother, who\u2019s not immune to the struggles with sexual purity himself. That\u2019s what I love about this: he talks about it frankly and gives us hope in the process.\n\nAs Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking with him today, I\u2019ve been <em>so encouraged<\/em> to hear that, once again, he\u2019s not pointing us to a program for solutions. He\u2019s pointing us to the gospel; he\u2019s pointing us to Jesus Himself. As I said, Garrett has written a book called <em>Pure in Heart<\/em>; and it's available in our FamilyLife Resource Center. You can find it on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can order a copy of Garrett\u2019s book there.\n\nAnd while you\u2019re there, this week, when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife, we want to send you a copy of Sharon Jaynes\u2019s book, <em>When You Like Your Story <\/em>. The subtitle of it is <em>What If Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories? <\/em> So when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife, we will send you a copy, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your donation,\u201d of Sharon Jaynes\u2019 book, <em>When You Don\u2019t Like Your Story<\/em>. You can order it at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can give us a call at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, if you wanted to hear more about this topic specifically, Garrett Kell had a chance to sit down with Ray Ortlund and have a <em>frank<\/em> conversation about sexual sin and our struggles with it. That\u2019s available on our FamilyLife app. You can download that anywhere you get your apps, or you could go to FamilyLifeToday.com and subscribe to the podcast feed to get that episode there.\n\nNow, if this content today as we\u2019ve been talking about sexual sin, or <em>any<\/em> of our FamilyLife programs have been helpful for you, we\u2019d love for you to share today\u2019s podcast with a friend or a family member. And wherever you get your podcasts, it could really advance the work that we\u2019re doing at FamilyLife if you\u2019ll scroll down and rate and review us.\n\nNow, tomorrow, Dave and Ann are going to be talking more, again, with Garrett Kell about being transparent with our sin\/being <em>honest<\/em> about what\u2019s going on in our lives. That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\n\nOn behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelping you pursue the relationships that matter most.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2022 FamilyLife. 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